Arceus the Critic - Season Two
by Imperator Justinian
Summary: The original Keldeo the Critic ripoff is back, and he's more sarcastic than ever. He'll be reviewing all kinds of stories, from the good, the bad and the mediocre, not to mention the frequent editorial, when he's not trying to keep Mew from destroying his sanity, that is. Spinoff of Keldeo the Critic.
1. Ash and Misty of Team Rocket

Arceus floated down the halls of the Hall, before coming to a halt at the doorway which led to his study. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but hovered into the room. Arceus then pressed the power button and watched the screen flicker to life, and after a few minutes he had pulled up the story he was planning on reviewing. The equine-like Pokémon scanned it's contents, chuckled occasionally at what he was reading, but seemed apprehensive in general.

Mew, who was flying by while eating a chocolate bar, noticed this and decided to fly in the room.

"Hiya, Arcy! What's going on?" Arceus' eye twitched at the nickname.

"Well, I'm planning on writing more reviews, but I am afraid I have become a bit rusty." Mew seemed to perk up at that.

"Oh! I know! You can let me review with you! That way-"

"No." Mew crossed her arms and pouted.

"Aw... But why? I've done reviews before."

"Yes, but they were part of your punishment." Mew scoffed and turned her head.

"Fine. I have better things to do anyways."

"Like lounging around and gorging on chocolate?" Mew then flew out of the room.

"Cause you won't let me do much else..." she muttered. Her pinky, pointy ears then perked upwards as she had an epiphany. "But if he were to be occupied with a review..."

After having finished muttering to herself, Mew teleported out of the room in a flash of light.

* * *

Arceus, having feared that his skills had become too rusty, had left his study and reentered the Grand Hall, surprised to not find Mew. As he gazed back and forth, looking for the hyperactive legendary, he failed to notice a ball of light behind him until Mew spoke up, startling the Alpha Pokemon.

"Hiya, Arcy! I think I got someone who can help." Arceus turned around and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight of a robed human lying on the pristine floors, asleep and still clutching his pillow.

"M-Mew!?" Arceus then shook his head, muttering that 'he should have anticipated this'. The Pokemon then sighed heavily and looked up.

"Mew, could you please tell me who this human is, and why you brought him here?" Mew innocently grinned at his question, making Arceus grimace.

"That's Jack Storm. He's a trainer who helped Keldeo out in a review once so I figured he could help you out too." Before Arceus could respond the boy groaned.

"Who turned on the lights? Is it morning already?" he muttered.

"Perhaps you should open your eyes." Arceus commanded.

The boy's eyes opened fractionally, before abruptly opening the rest of the way; sheer astonishment written on his face.

"Good grief!" he exclaimed, rubbing his still sleepy eyes, "Not again!" Arceus' eyes narrowed at his exclamation.

"That's it? No amazement? No fear? No reverence? You are certainly a... amusing human." Arceus stated cynically, not noticing Mew flying out of the Hall to who knows where.

"Regardless, I believe I need your help."

"Hold on..." the boy said in confusion, looking at the legendary Pokémon for several seconds before exclaiming in realization, "You're Arceus! That means this is the Hall of Origins!"

"Origin." Arceus corrected inaudibly.

The boy's expression changed to one of acceptance, "Okay, so I can still be surprised. Now then, what was that about needing my help?"

"Well, like Keldeo I have taken up reviewing as a pastime. However, I required a break and I fear that my wit has become a bit rusty; so that's where you unexpectedly come in."

The boy ruffled his golden hair, "So, did Keldeo tell you about me then?" Arceus exhaled dismissively.

"I am Arceus. Whether or not Keldeo told me is inconsequential. Now, since we seem to be on the same page, I would appreciate it if you followed me." Arceus then turned and started to float away, leaving the robed boy to give chase. Arceus then turned a corner and entered his study, followed closely by Jack.

"So..." Jack started, easily keeping up with the floating Alpha Pokémon as the two entered his study, "I'm just going to take a wild guess here; does this involve reviewing a fanfic with you?"

"You are certainly acute. I believe I have chosen a rather interesting one. So, take a seat," as Arceus said that a chair appeared behind Jack, who was too shocked by the furniture suddenly appearing to say anything. "And let the review begin."

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Ash and Misty of Team Rocket" by BigD1987**

* * *

_**Ash and Misty of Team Rocket**_

_By: BigD1987_

_Flash fiction one-shot: Team Magma's newest weapon is ready to be shipped out. That changes when Team Rocket's new strike team interrupts. A "What-if" look at what could happen if Ash and Misty joined a now-good Team Rocket._

* * *

Yes folks, your eyes are not deceiving you. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what to make of this story. The premise is probably one of the most original I've seen; Ash and Misty becoming members of a good Team Rocket oddly enough run by three of the most crooked and incompetent people in the anime. Hint, hint.

So how is it executed? Well, why don't we take a gander?

So we start off the story with Team Magma loading the evaporating machine from Batman Begins into a transport... so they can smuggle it into Kanto?

_(Arceus blinked a few times in confusion.)_

Why would they smuggle it into Kanto? Team Magma has no bases there and Team Rocket is supposed to be good in this story. Regardless, the grunts don't move fast enough to satisfy Richie, and he starts fretting over the success of the operation.

* * *

_But Boss Richie scowled while his grunts seemed to go slower. What part of 'hurry up' don't they understand!? For all they knew, the cops could be hear at any minute! Or worse, Team Aqua. Or worse, someone else._

* * *

This author has the dramatic subtly of Keldeo when it comes to foreshadowing, and none of the comedic effect.

* * *

__Looking up at the ceiling of the long-extinct volcano they were in, he issued a silent challenge to anyone who tried to stop them. ____Without warning, the ceiling exploded. Grunts ran from the falling debris, which damaged a few pieces of equipment, but not the weapon. That was a relief! But Richie was furious. "What's going on!?" he shouted.  
__

__"Prepare for trouble!" A female voice shouted,  
__

__"And make it double!" A male voice replied.__

* * *

"Well, that was abrupt." Jack commented.

"This is only the beginning. It gets even more over the top after this." Arceus replied.

* * *

_A platform lowered down from the hole in the ceiling. Two figures and a shorter one stood on the platform. He could not tell who they were, because they were obscured by dry ice smoke._

* * *

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

A mystery now, is it? Oh, I bet we'll never guess who it is... especially since you _never _gave us any hints with the title.

* * *

__"To protect the world from devastation!" the female voice declared.  
__

__"To unite all peoples within our nation!"  
__

__"To denounce the evils of hate and lies!"  
__

__"To extend our reach to beyond the skies!"__

* * *

__(Monty Python Army: Get on with it!)__

* * *

__The dry ice smoke dissipated to reveal the two figures. They were teenagers, one with fiery red hair and green eyes, and the other with black, spiky hair that was covered by a red ballcap. And both wore white Team Rocket uniforms. Richie growled, recognizing the two instantly. They posed, holding hands and smiling like giddy two-year-olds.__

__"Misty!"  
__

__"Ash!"__

* * *

__(Ben Stein: Bueller... Bueller... Bueller...)__

* * *

__"Team Rocket, defending all that is good and right!"  
__

__"Surrender now, or you'll surely lose the fight!"  
__

__"Piii-KA-CHU!"__

* * *

"It looks like our heroes have _finally_ arrived, and sure enough, it's Team Rocket lead by Ash Ketchum and... Hold on; I know Ash, but I've never met anyone named Misty."

"Let's just say the series is better off without her." Arceus quickly shut his eyes, as if anticipating someone to hit him with a mallet.

"Well, I for one am certainly not going to argue with you; let's plunge ahead." Arceus nodded.

"A wise choice on both."

* * *

__Ash Ketchum and Misty Waterflower, once sworn enemies of Team Rocket, were enthusiastic members of the new-and-improved "good guy" Team Rocket. "What's Team Rocket doing here!?" Richie called out.  
__

__"What do you think?" Misty shot back with a matter-of-factly tone on her voice, "Putting an end to this!"  
__

__"Cops couldn't come, so Team Rocket's here to do the job!" Ash said.__

* * *

When _are_ the police ever present in Pokémon?

* * *

__"Damn those Jessie and James," Richie growled, "Why did they have to kick Giovanni out and turn into goody-twoshoes? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, IDIOTS!? GET THEM!"__

* * *

"So, let me get this straight; Jessie and James kick their boss out of office, take over all of Team Rocket, and turn it into a crime-fighting agency? Farfetch'd anyone?" Jack said, putting his hand to his chin.

"Oh nevermind that, because we have Ash ordering Snorlax to crush the conveyor belt... rather than fight Team Magma?"

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

Jack was confused by the audio clip for a moment but pushed it aside. "I guess he figured that if the grunts got the laser to the plane, they might make a break for it. Besides, it doesn't look like he needed Snorlax's help anyway; it seems Team Magma are even bigger pushovers than Team Rocket!"

* * *

__A Magma grunt ran up behind him, waving a metal pipe around. Ash heard him coming and kicked him right in the stomach.__

* * *

_(Arceus blinked a few times in disbelief.)_

What!? Has Ash been taking Rex Kwon Do? When has Ash ever physically fought someone!? For that matter; when has Team Rocket ever physically assaulted someone?

* * *

_He elbowed the Magma grunt in the face to finish him off, for good measure._

* * *

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

Because you can never be unconscious enough.

* * *

__"Perfect!" Misty replied, giving the thumbs-up. She grabbed another PokeBall from her belt. "Corsola, go!"  
__

__"____Corsola!" the Water/Rock type cried as it emerged.  
__

__"Corsola, use Ancient Power on that transport plane!" she said.  
__

__"Corsola!" Corsola unleashed its attack on the plane. The rocks did heavy damage to the transport's engines, wings and landing gear. It caused so much damage the transport was beyond repair.__

* * *

The Pokémon are doing more damage to heavy machinery in this story than they do to each other on a regular basis in the Anime.

* * *

_Richie roared in anger. "DAMN YOU, TEAM ROCKET!" he screamed, running straight for Ash._

* * *

_(Kyurem: Pointless swearing! Hooray!)_

* * *

_Misty heard him and ran to intercept him. He was almost on top of Ash when Misty punched him right in the gut—HARD._

_"Don't touch my sweetie!" she shouted._

_"Darn right, my fighting moves are sweet!" Ash replied. Misty sighed in relief, thanking his denseness._

* * *

"I must say, Ash seems to be enjoying knocking people out a little too much; I wouldn't go so far as to say it's OOC, but it still doesn't seem quite right." Jack commented.

"You're reading into it a bit to much. After all; who needs character when we having a pairing to force down your throat?"

"Hear hear; but for the record, I just want to point out that they're both ten years old. Although, I always thought that Ash did in fact go back to Kanto when he grew up, and married Misty. Of course, that won't be happening any time soon- Wait, what was that line?"

* * *

_"Darn right, my fighting moves are sweet!" Ash replied. Misty sighed in relief, thanking his denseness._

* * *

Jack winced. "Okay, I just have to come out and say it; the fourth gen is my personal favorite out of all the generations. And one of the main reasons, is that Ash matures by at least five years." Arceus nodded.

"Agreed. But then we get a blast from the past with Unova, regarding Ash at least."

* * *

_"FOCUS!" she screamed, ducking as Pelipper zoomed over her._

* * *

Well that came out of left field. It probably would have made more sense to just say this:

_(Frank Costanza: SERENITY NOW!)_

* * *

__"You Rocket idiots have been on the decline since you kicked Giovanni out," Richie spat.__

* * *

How are they on the decline? They just single handedly knocked out most of your team!

* * *

_In the chaos, Pikachu and Pelipper had zapped the Magma grunts into submission. Pelipper landed close by and Pikachu hopped onto his head. "Pi-KA!" he said, giving Ash a "V" for "Victory" sign._

* * *

Jack raised his eyebrow in curiosity. "I thought that was Victini's thing."

_(Arceus shook his head.)_

"Given how overpowered everyone is in this story, I wouldn't be surprised if that was Victini in a Pikachu costume. Regardless Richie surrenders and Ash and Misty contact their bosses."

* * *

_Ash and Misty stood at attention, saluted and put their arms down. "The Team Magma base is out of commission, Boss Jessie!" Ash said enthusiastically._

_"Great work, Twerps!" Boss Jessie replied. Ash and Misty laughed sheepishly._

_"I'm so proud of them!" James said, wiping his tears away, "Who knew turning goody-two-shoes would make them join?"_

_"Um, is there anything else you want us to do, Boss?" Misty asked. "Doesn't he remember we've been members for while now?"_

_"No, just return to b ase," Jessie replied, "And take the rest of the week off, you've earned it."_

_"Thank you, MA'AM!" Ash replied with a salute, followed by Misty._

* * *

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

"Yes folks; The three stooges of Team Rocket, the ones who constantly bungle every attempt to steal a Pokémon and fantasize about giving it to their boss, were somehow competent enough to overthrow him and take over Team Rocket. And not only that, but by getting rid of Giovanni apparently everyone else in the team magically turned good as well." The robed boy nodded.

"I would bring up the fact that they stole Ash's maturity in Unova, but this is obviously based back in Hoenn. As it is, that story sounds about as legitimate as Pokemon tears bringing people back from the dead. In fact, I'm pretty sure that clinches it; this whole scenario is fun and all, but if the author wants to pull it off, he needs a rock solid basis. Jessie James and Meowth deposing Giovanni, and taking over all of Team Rocket single-handedly, is about as far-fetched as you can get."

"Well, all they need to do now is throw in some more Pokeshipping via Jessie and James and it will be the ultimate insult. But I'm sure that not even this author would be foolish en-"

* * *

_"And take your time, I know you two LOVEBIRDS want all the privacy in the world!" Jessie, James and Meowth laughed their heads off while Ash and Misty blushed a deep red._

_"WE'RE NOT LOVEBIRDS!" they both screamed. But the hologram had vanished, making their pleas all for naught. Thanks to that comment from Jessie, the rest of flight back to base was filled with awkward silence._

* * *

_(Arceus lowered his head in a strange mixture of anger and disappointment.)_

Jack facepalmed. "Thank goodness this is only a one-shot; like I said before, it's a fun idea to toy around with, but the author definitely needs to revise it a little."

"Apparently he did just that, and this story is only a "preview", for lack of a better term, for a larger story based around this outlandish plot. Whether or not it is better remains to be seen, but I doubt I will be taking a gander any time soon after reading this." Jack then looked up to Arceus, who despite sitting down, towered over him.

"No kidding. Anyway, that's the end of the fanfic; so, what's your judgment on it?"

"What is my Judgement on it?" Arceus mused. "It's unbelievably cheesy, has action scenes more over the top than anything the Kalos Anime can serve up, and is fun to laugh at. Besides that, I would not necessarily say this is an awful story, just too overdone. The premise is intriguing, and were the story handled better I'm certain it would be entertaining. Do you have anything to add, human?" Jack shook his head.

"That pretty well sums it all up; overall, it's not a bad story. But it'll take some tinkering before it becomes a good story."

* * *

Arceus then turned to face Jack, a rather morose expression on his face. "So with that resolved, I ought to thank you, human. However, Mew brought you to this place without my permission and I'm afraid I can't return you without erasing your memory." Jack reeled back at the Alpha Pokémon's declaration.

"Is that really necessary? I mean, I've already met Keldeo; not to mention Dialga from another reality. And for the record, I consider myself more Pokémon than human."

Arceus narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. "This is one of the most sacred places on this planet. Whether or not you are human or Pokémon matters little; only those I have permitted may tread here. Now, close your eyes."

Jack sighed, but acquiesced. Fighting against a Pokémon that had the strength of a deity was not on his bucket list. "Fine; I guess Keldeo's show was a novel enough experience for one lifetime anyway."

After the boy closed his eyes, Arceus hovered a large vase over his head telepathically, before thrusting it down and shattering it on his head. Jack fell down and hit the floor, clearly unconscious.

"That ought to cause some memory loss. And a rather nasty bruise." Mew, who had just returned from who knows where, sped into the room when she heard glass shatter. When she saw Arceus hovering over the boy, who was sprawled out on the floor with glass shards around him, she jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

"Ar-Arceus... Did you-"

"No Mew, he is merely unconscious." Though that eased the pink Pokémon's concerns a bit, she was still mortified and curious at what occurred.

"Then why did you-"

"I have many talents, Mew. Erasing someone's memory is not one of them. Now, please take this poor human back to his camp." Mew nodded, but before she could teleport away Arceus interjected.

"And the next time you bring a mortal here without my permission; I _will_ have your head." Mew gulped and then vanished with the boy in a flash of light.

* * *

**The End**

_**Credits:**_

_Gods And Mortals by ARCEUS-master_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Three_

_Batman Begins_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

_Ferris Bueller's Day Off_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Napoleon Dynamite_

_Kyurem the Critic_

_Seinfeld: The Serenity Now_

_Nostalgia Critic: Food Fight_

**_Special Thanks:_**

_Jack Storm 448_

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

Yep, Arceus is back. I wanted to do something special for my two year anniversary of being on Fanfiction, so I figured he would make an early comeback. To keep up the celebrations, I'll be posting a new chapter every day, for the next six days as well.


	2. Editorial 1

Greetings. While I know it is a bit early to do an editorial, I wanted to get this one out; what is the greatest generation of Pokémon? This question has been the surprising topic of debate, and the answers are quite varied. Now, it is important to realize that some generations were better than others in certain categories, and all were best in something. From a purely 'game' standpoint, most will argue, and very strongly at that, that Generation II was the best, though it would not be uncommon to see others arguing for III or VI. From a nostalgic standpoint, III or I would take the honor as combatants. Graphically, if someone would argue from a purely graphical standpoint to begin with, would be VI. From a story perspective, V or VI would usually be the common arguments. Admittedly, both nostalgia and hype take a major role in many people's assessments, which is often why many label Generations I, II and/or VI to be the best. And I would be lying as well if I said nostalgia had nothing to do with me writing this chapter.

So, even in light of that, I would say the Generation that was the most rounded out of them all, the one that managed to strike a proper balance between all categories while managing to expand their depths, would be the best Generation. And that is why I look to IV, which, ironically enough, is the most critically overlooked because of that exact balance.

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why Generation IV was the Best**

* * *

Though I will be examining all the aspects of the generation, I will start with the game related ones first, particularly the ones that were introduced in all Generations IV Games.

**The Games:**

**Revolutionary Graphics:**

While I find it silly that anyone would measure the worth of a game by it's graphics, I won't deny that they are an integral part of it. After all, the graphics are what you see in the game, and thus offer the biggest window of interaction with it. They can help to establish the emotions of the characters that would normally not be understood through static text, set up a certain atmosphere for a particular area, and even offer jokes in of themselves. And, obviously, if the graphics are poor, you probably won't want to have to look at them for hours on end.

The graphics in Generation IV were Pokémon's first experiment in 3-Dimensional graphics, but frankly I think most people were to distracted by just how much detail the overworld got to even fully notice or appreciate the scope of it. Before, graphics were just 2-Dimensional; small, isolated, and difficult to discern. It could even be a challenge discerning legs and arms from the torso in the sprites. The new graphic allowed for a much closer look at the game; one that let you appreciate every single creepy detail in the Old Chateau.

Ultimately, the new scope of graphics in Generation IV would let players appreciate the games even more than before, but they also did not over-emphasize them.

**Revolutionary Multiplayer:**

I will concede this one was a bit of a double-edged sword. Before the advent of wireless battles and trading, only the people who actively participated in tournaments would know about the best type of Pokémon Teams, but with the ability to battle and trade anywhere with an internet connection, it helped to spread the winning compositions faster. While I suppose it really is nothing more than silver lining that everyone could use the same few teams in an attempt to win, I do suppose the way battles are designed in Pokémon made it inevitable. And, it was not as bad as the following Generations.

Downsides aside, the new innovation allowed for more depth in the previously bland multiplayer, and made it easier to fill up the Pokedex, in addition to the new level of depth to the Underground.

**Best Music:**

A good soundtrack can be said to be the foil to good graphics. Music is capable of conveying emotion, necessity, atmosphere and even the overall theme of a character or setting. The only difference is that music, obviously, cannot be seen, so it clearly serves as an ambiance and enhancer to the graphics, and in many ways, both are reliant on each other for success in conveying any sort of feeling.

Pokémon soundtracks are usually good, though before Generation III it relied to heavily on a clunky mechanical sound. There are a handful of pieces edging close to Zelda and Fire Emblem's expertise, and overall the Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova and Mystery Dungeon Explorers games were able to make consistently good soundtracks that defined their themes and regions. Hoenn's music was proud and majestic, if not a little grandiose, and reflected the nature of exploration that defined the region, the awe of discovery, and the might of the Legendaries who dictated nature. Unova was combative and energetic, reflecting the clash between truth and ideals, Plasma and Trainer, Human and Pokémon and so on and so fourth. Sinnoh's music was rustic and graceful, with a sublime and intangible feel that suited the ancient identity of the region and the immaterial realms it Legends represented.

Ultimately I settled with Sinnoh as having the best soundtrack, for it's grace, composition, and timing. Even the more energetic pieces that play have an air of solemnity to them; they feel inspiring but not wild, almost somber and respectful to a degree. It's more restrained compositions manage to feel both relaxing and foreboding, yet spur you on to continue. Then there is Cynthia's Pre-Battle Theme, which has to be, rightfully so, the most recognized piece of music that Pokémon has composed, aside from the clichéd Lavender Town theme.

**Move Categories:**

This was the most revolutionary change to happen to Pokémon Battles until Mega Evolution, and certainly far more subtle. Before Generation IV came around, every type had one predetermined method of attack; all Normal, Fighting, etc. type moves would all be physical, all Psychic, Ghost, etc. type moves would be special. Generation IV shifted the scope from the type of the move, to the individual move itself.

This would allow for many Pokémon that were previously neglected to become useful, and even develop their own flavors, as many developed their own specialties, not to mention finally let Hyper Beam be immune to Poison Point.

**Migrating Pokémon:**

Now, the ability to transfer your old Pokémon from a previous generation into a new one was incredibly innovative, and perhaps more importantly, well implemented. There had been no previous way to transfer Pokémon from Generation I to Generation II, or Generation II to Generation III, but with the Nintendo DS's ability to hold both a Gameboy cartridge, and a DS one, Pokémon came up with a way to do so. It was probably the least expected addition to a Pokémon game, but was enthusiastically accepted.

In my opinion, the Pal Park was probably the best way to transfer Pokémon; it only required one console, no wireless connection, and it was free.

**Gender Differences:**

This was one of the more subtle, and perhaps even unasked for, additions in the game that made you appreciate all the hard work Pokémon put into it.

**Time:**

Now, the concept of time was introduced in Generation II, but inexplicably removed in Generation III. At most, it was simply setting your clock and used to regulate the way that certain Pokémon would evolve and the effectiveness of a few moves. When it was reintroduced in Generation IV, though, they went far beyond what the previous generations had done. In addition to the more practical applications, time weighed in heavily on the aesthetics of the overworld, and even a bit of it's accessibility. For example, almost every city in Sinnoh had both a theme during the day, and a slightly altered theme at night, which is one of the more forgotten perks of Sinnoh. Likewise, only certain Pokémon could be found at certain times of day, and even a few events and conversations were inaccessible in certain times of day, which greatly increased both the depth and realism of the game.

**Contests and Pokeathalon:**

Now, Contests were introduced in Hoenn, but refined in Sinnoh to their best form. The Pokeathalon was an entirely new concept that could be seen more as physically-reliant foil to the graceful Contests. Both were enjoyable, entertaining, a nice alternative from constant battling, and a good step to achieving the Black Card. They ultimately required an entire different set of skills from usual Pokémon battles, and managed to add a new dimension to the Pokémon and Berries/Apricots. Black and White would bring the useless Pokémon Musicals, which was a smack in the face to everyone who enjoyed their spiritual precursors, and a simplified version of Contests would be reintroduced with Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, but neither would ever reach the finesse that Generation IV had.

**Safari:**

Another thing that was brought to it's height underneath Generation IV was the safari. Sinnoh expanded the previous style of the Safari by creating a clearer division of the zones, permitting for an easier time in finding the Pokémon you want and enjoying it's habitat, and the Johto remakes gave players the option to create their own custom safari, in addition to, for better or worse, getting rid of the time (step) limit.

The Safari Zone was another mechanic that was done away with in Generation V, for reasons that still elude me. In fact, it would have actually been a good idea to include it as it would have given another opportunity to expand Team Plasma's dynamic, however it did make an unsatisfying return in Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire, but only in name, bearing almost no semblance to the previous Safari Zones.

**Battle Frontier:**

It was created anew in Platinum, with a reduction from seven to five facilities, and carried into the Johto remakes. I am hesitant to say that it was improved over the Emerald Battle Frontier, due to the reduction from seven to five, but due to the massive increase in Pokémon, and the fact that the three new facilities offered a deeper and more dynamic experience than the previous, I can say it was still a very solid inclusion.

Once again, it would meet it's death at the hands of Black and White, though the World Tournament would make up for it, and ORAS would mock the player base by not including one of the most memorable features of Hoenn, but promise its return. Either way, it was still one of the most memorable and challenging areas in Pokémon history.

**No Braille:**

I'm not sure how many people remember this incredibly irritating aspect of the Gen III games, which was, dare I say it; almost as annoying as the game of Marco Polo you had to play with the Gen III Latis (ORAS had the sense of mind to just give them to you), Cresselia, Mersprit, the Kami Trio and the Legendary Birds.

* * *

_Trainer: Marco!_

_Legendary: Polo! But don't look at the Pokedex or fly near me or I'll magically appear on the other side of the region!_

* * *

You see, braille was used in instructions on how to get the Regis and open the door to the Dotted Hole. Now, personally I think it was a clever touch that added an air of mystery as well as a bit of a challenge, but there was one big problem: _the target audience were kids!_

How are they going to read braille, let alone recognize it, especially when there was no one to tell them it was even braille? At least Uknown runes are recognizable, well known, and somewhat easy to translate, but there was nothing to ever indicate what a series of dots were. Granted the strategy guides provided braille translations, but it was still an annoying and confounding obstacle to getting the Regis or trading with Hoenn.

Thankfully Sinnoh had no braille in Snowpoint Temple, but you still had to use the Regis to wake up Regigigas.

**Improved Characterization:**

Now, over the course of Pokémon's history, the plot has remained pretty much the same every generation; fill up the Pokedex, become the best trainer of your region, and defeat a group of villains in the process. It's changed a bit over the years, and each region has their own priorities, but overall it's still pretty much the same and has been for some time. What has improved over the course of Pokémon's history, though, is it's characterization.

Before Generation IV, character was pretty scarce. The only consistently developed character was your rival, with a little going to the Champion, Professor, Villainous Leader, one of the Gym Leaders and a side character. In Generation III, Pokémon expanded that underdeveloped aspect of the character, but it was still poorly done. The Aqua and Magma Admins shared dialogue, both Archie and Maxie were rather vague, Wally was, and still is to a degree, poorly implemented as a rival, and the parental dynamic with Norman had a lot of untapped potential. Now, to be fair, Pokémon was just beginning to experiment with characterization, but they would make a great leap in quality with Generation IV. In fact, Generation IV marked the period where Pokémon began to shift their interests from mechanics and battles to character and plot.

Generation IV brought out a variety of characters, and managed to bring out the most depth from them. Cyrus, Cynthia, Barry, Dawn/Lucas, Looker and Professor Rowan all had very fleshed out characters, and even the Galatic Admins, Stat Trainers, and many of the Gym Leaders were all developed as separate beings with unique personalities and roles as well. The Johto remakes managed to do a good job with characterization as well, but because of the massive scope of the game, they could never achieve the depth that Sinnoh had.

What I find to be the most important about this though, was that character development was not added in at the detriment of the game itself. Lysandre was a very developed, and even a sympathetic, villain, and easily one of the best parts of X and Y, but I don't think that even that could have made up for virtually no post-game. Generation IV managed to strike a very good balance; expanding and experimenting with both but not playing favorites with either.

**Platinum:**

Now for the game I consider to be the best main game in the entire Pokémon franchise; Platinum. Considering the fact that Platinum, being the last third title to a current entry, was an improvement over the already masterful Diamond and Pearl, it's place is well deserved. In fact, the only real criticisms I have ever come up with it over the many years it has been out, was that you do not get to battle Dawn/Lucas, or can obtain the Azure Flute legally. So, why don't we take a look at what Platinum improved?

**All Pokémon Viewable:**

Now, in every main Pokémon game before and in many after Platinum, in order to fully fill up the Regional Pokedex, you would have to trade with other players. This was particularly troublesome, considering that before Generation IV, the physical presence of another game was required, in addition to a link cable. Despite the fact that trading was much more convenient with wireless technology, Gamefreak still made it possible to encounter every Pokémon in the Sinnoh Pokedex without outside assistance. Essentially, this meant that if you battled every trainer, searched through the tall grass thoroughly, and evolved whatever was leftover, you would be able to completely fill up the Regional Pokedex without ever having to set foot inside the GTS.

This was a massive boon for children who had no idea how to set up an internet connection to access the GTS, or people who were just (rightfully) skeptical of the Pokémon traded over the GTS to begin with. It also made the game much more fun, knowing that it was possible to achieve one of the biggest goals solely on your own merit and effort. Sadly though, this was probably the most overlooked aspect of Platinum.

**The Battleground:**

Ah, the Battleground. I'm sure anyone who's finished Platinum remembers this little club in the Survival Zone where you can re-battle the Gym Leaders and the Stat Trainers, all of whom have five powerful Pokémon in their sixties, not to mention your energetic Rival, who will have Pokémon in their eighties by the third rematch (and would take the title strongest NPC until Red's return). Out of all the methods of re-challenging the Gym Leaders and any other pertinent characters, this was my favorite. You did not have to wait for a certain time of day or week, or for a call on the PokeNav, nor have to spend a massive amount of Poke to get a challenge, and you did earn experience and Poke while simultaneously facing a strong opponent.

It was the best method of battling the Gym Leaders and facing the Stat Trainers again, and I was immensely disappointed when Pokémon had completely done away with the ability to fight Gym Leaders Post Game in Unova.

**New Evolutions D/P left out:**

I'm not exactly sure why Diamond and Pearl left out Pokémon like Gallade, Dusknoir, Electivire, Magmortar and the other Pokémon (as well as their previous forms) that got new evolutions in Gen IV. Since they weren't in the Sinnoh Pokedex, but were introduced in Gen IV, that left one wondering what region these Pokémon belonged to, and how Game Freak could make such a glaring omission.

Fortunately, Platinum added them and their evolutionary lines in the game, for a total of 59 more Pokémon (many of them fan-favorites), which would bring the grand total of Pokémon in the Sinnoh Pokedex up to 210, and allow for far more dynamic battles.

**The Villa:**

Another new feature that was included in Platinum, the Battle Resort in particular, was the villa. It was largely impractical, but then so was the massive amount of money you no doubt had by that point, and essentially meant you were a ten year old trainer-champion prodigy, who not only had befriended Legendary Pokémon, but legally owned their own luxury home in an exclusive resort and had their abode frequented by the most famous and powerful trainers of the region.

What I found to be truly great about this seemingly useless feature, though, was the character development that was brought out from it. Due to the fact that it was frequented by all sorts of characters, including ones you would normally not be able to meet outside of their perspective locations like your Mother and Prof. Rowan, it opened up the possibility for all sorts of interactions and character development. And Pokémon went one step further by not only having the characters interact with your own, but even each other in certain circumstances. Really, it was because of this one seemingly insignificant feature, that Platinum was able to bring out even more personality from the usual characters.

**Difficulty:**

I daresay Platinum was the last consistently challenging Pokémon game. It did a good job in keeping you prepared for the Gym/Rival/Galactic battles, and ensured that it provided a consistent difficultly without being overbearing. The opponent's Pokémon all had fluctuating levels; meaning that rather than all their Pokémon staying at one static level and having their signature jump by two level, they varied throughout the battle, which allowed for a more realistic battle, and a more challenging one at that.

The Sinnoh Elite Four is considered by many to be the strongest, and up until Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, was the highest leveled Post Game. Lucian's Gallade was the same level as Lance's Dragonite, and Cynthia's Garchomp was only rivaled by Steven's Metagross in Emerald (though it would surpass her by one level in ORAS), and exceeded by Red in HGSS. Then there was the overall quality and balance of Cynthia's team, which has cemented her, and her Garchomp's, places as one of the most powerful and memorable opponents. Cyrus was no pushover either, including having a Honchkrow that knew Heat Wave, a move it could not legally know.

The consistent difficultly and challenge of Platinum stood in stark contrast to that of Black and White, which was, for the most part, consistently easy due to the fact Dragon Types had become overpowered, and that there were no Ice Types brought back from the previous generations to counter them. It then proceeded to suffer in a massive jump in difficultly in the final battles with N and Ghestis', with the latter's Hydreigon being stronger than most of the Unova legendaries, and was most likely the main factor for the creation of the Fairy Type.

Black and White 2 would try to remedy this by introducing the option to increase the difficultly, but the fact there needed to be an option to increase the difficultly in the first place was an ill omen. It would be fulfilled by Kalos, which failed to be much of a challenge at all outside Lysandre and Korrina, but unlike Unova, had almost no difficultly whatsoever in the final battles, and Diantha could be defeated with Pokémon ten or so levels lower than hers.

Overall, Platinum could have been said to be the most challenging Pokémon game, yet the most paced one as well. It would not be until Pokémon Conquest was released that there was a challenging game in Generation V, and not until Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire that the concept of pacing would be reintroduced into Pokémon.

Now, why don't we move away from the main games and transition into a certain side game of Generation IV?

**Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky:**

Ah, yes, Explorers of Sky. The pinnacle of not only the Mystery Dungeon series, but of Pokémon side games in general. Even more so than Conquest, if only for the lack of character and dialogue that Explorers had. This genre of side games can be said to make up for whatever the main games were unable to accomplish. For one, the characterization and plot of the Mystery Dungeon series has always been spades ahead of the main series, and many other games at that, but they are usually overlooked or outright dismissed critically for reasons that remain beyond me.

After all, a game that manages to deliver it's story so masterfully and with enough finesse to make most of its players cry at the ending for the characters; for your character, for your partner and for Grovyle, has to be doing something right. In addition to the detailed artwork of the characters during dialogue, artwork that would not be surpassed until Pokémon Conquest, not to mention the beautiful and memorable soundtrack, the Mystery Dungeon franchise is perhaps best remembered for it's character development and plot, which was not only unusually deep for Pokémon at the time, but was so deep to the point where most would not even assume it was Pokémon to begin with. What it is, I'm not privy to say. You should either know by now, or get the game to find out.

Now, while the Mystery Dungeon series were already revolutionary in their own right, such as being the only games to hold every single Pokémon per the time they were released (at least until Gates to Infinity rolled around), Sky added two new revolutionary features to it that could actually be, and should be, used in the main games. Those were the Sky Jukebox, and Special Episodes. Now, one of the highlights of Explorers was its soundtrack. It was so beautifully composed, and timed perfectly with the story, that it felt as if it was the dialogue itself, portraying every single emotion that the characters were feeling in addition to the theme. Unfortunately, Time and Darkness provided no way to listen to them again at a whim, and conjuring up that wonderful nostalgic feeling in the process, and many of the best tracks were exclusive to the story.

The Sky Jukebox remedied that, not only allowing you to hear any soundtrack that you have previously heard in the game, but also let you set it up to shuffle, loop, etc. Then there were the Special Episodes. These were little asides that gave you not only the chance to play as other major characters in the game, but to also get better glimpses into their personalities, backgrounds, and how their own actions affected the main story. Black and White 2 would come the closest to replicating this with its flashbacks, but this was still one of the most enjoyable aspects of Sky. Frankly, the only thing Sky lacked was a Special Episode detailing Cresselia and Darkrai's past struggles, something that could have easily replaced Sunflora's story, and my inclusion.

Now for one of the more dubious achievements of Generation IV:

**The not-Games:**

**The Villains:**

Yes, Generation IV brought us the best villains in Pokémon history. Now, don't assume I am saying Ghestis and Lysandre are bad villains, because they're not. The former is pure evil, cunning, sociopathic, subtle, and perhaps most importantly, patient, while the latter is actually sympathetic and terrifying at the same time. But, Cyrus still has them beat.

In a way, Lysandre and Ghestis could actually just be said to have been two parts of Cyrus that were amplified. Ghestis represents his cold and sociopathic state, the one that led him to deem emotion worthless, manipulate hundreds of individuals, and plot to destroy the entire universe, along with everyone, including his own team members, and recreate a new one in his image. Lysandre could be said to be the more idealistic side of Cyrus, the side that wanted a better world but became disgusted and disillusioned with it as all his peaceful and altruistic endeavors failed, and caused him to slowly descend into madness. I could go on about Cyrus, but given how well he is remembered by the fans, it's clear he was one of Pokémon's greatest villains.

Galatic itself as a whole was wicked as well. Almost all the team knew fully well what Cyrus wanted and what they were plotting to do, they were just ignorant of the fact that Cyrus planned on excluding them once everything was said and done. It makes them different from Plasma, because, as post game BW and BW2 showed, there were many members who were fooled by Ghestis and genuinely thought what they were doing was right. There were many amongst Galatic who also thought they were in the right, but the difference was they were not ignorant of the real plan. This also separates Galatic from Aqua and Magma, despite the fact their goals were more similar to Galatic's than Plasma's were, since they also truly believed meddling with the balance of nature would be beneficial. I can't really say how Flare measured up to Galatic on that account, since all the grunts really talked about was fashion.

Anime Galatic were no pushovers either; being the first villainous Team in Pokémon history to consistently use real weapons, albeit metal staves and explosives, and even when they were rarely foiled by Ash and Co, they still achieved their goals. This was demonstrated in the fact that they, over the course of the anime, managed to control _five_ legendaries, and even when they were defeated, Cyrus still managed to create a new world and escape into it. They were so prolific that they were the first team to get arrested en masse at their defeat, because, unlike Rocket, Magma and Aqua, they had demonstrated that they were practically irredeemable in the Anime and that was the only way they could be written off.

The Magna Galatic presents a bit of a unique viewpoint though, one quite different from the games and anime. Now, Sinnoh had many different comic books dedicated to it, which managed to bring out different perspectives from similar characters, but Galatic's portrayal in it is relatively consistent. Cyrus himself is a ruthless, ambitious man who desires to build what he sees as a better world and is willing to brush aside anyone in his path to do so. And over the course of the magna, his relationship with the commanders is expounded to where he views them, and treats them, as being something akin to surrogate children. In the end, he usually turns around and repents, for lack of a better word, disbands Galatic, and attempts to build life anew with his 'family'. It may seem to be a butchering of his established character, but I view it more as another side to him; one that would be brought out were his view on emotions changed, and a welcome viewpoint at that. That doesn't mean he won't crush anyone in his path, though.

Now, though Cyrus and Galatic were some of the most memorable villains in Pokémon history, the turning point for how villainous teams were made in Pokémon, possibly being the hallmark of Pokémon teams given how much Ghestis and Flare resembled them, and arguably the most villainous team in Pokémon history, they weren't the greatest villain Pokémon has made. No, that dubious honor would lie to another Generation IV villain; Darkrai.

Ah, Darkrai. We all remember him, even if he doesn't remember us. He was the greatest villain Pokémon ever concocted; he was sociopathic, homicidal, driven, cunning, and, perhaps most frightening of all, intelligent. He orchestrated the entire events of the Explorers game, ironically enough his own downfall as well, and was one of the (or just the, depending on how you look at it) only villains in Pokémon history to actually succeed at his plan.

Yes, in a strange twist of fate, the game already starts off with Darkrai winning, and no one knows it. The entire story is quite literally a race against the clock to inadvertently foil Darkrai's scheme to paralyze the world and throw it into a continual state of darkness and madness via the destruction of Temporal Tower, except because Cresselia is the only Pokémon that actually knows of his plot, he is allowed to readjust his plans and begin again after you save the world and advert the future you came from.

He was thorough too, attempting to leave no loose ends. When his plan to drive Dialga mad and destroy the flow of time failed, he decided to warp space, using the player's own existence against them for that means. First by trying to convince them to commit suicide while disguised as Cresselia, bending the truth to paint them as the cause of the continued disturbances, and when that failed, he decided to trick Palkia into killing them for him (again disguised as his mortal enemy). And when that was barely stopped, he set a trap hoping he could destroy his three foes in one fell swoop, thus eliminating the only thing that could stop him from recreating the bleak future, and even set up an escape route to who-knows-where so he could begin again if he failed. It was only the timely (i.e: last minute) intervention of Palkia that stopped him from getting away intact, and ended up punishing him in the most ironic way fathomable.

It was never truly explained _what _drove him to want the world of darkness, being as his dialogue after recruitment reveals a more placid side to him, implying something had to happen to drive him to that, and his own past is never well explained, but the villain himself chocks it up to a desire for absolute power. Perhaps though, it oddly suits his shadowy nature; and the fact that the true extent and consequences of his plotting is never fully revealed, makes him all the more terrifying of a villain. And if all that wasn't enough, his battle is considered by many to be the most difficult in Pokémon history (more than Cynthia's, Ghestis' and Red's).

**Good Movies:**

This is actually one of the more overlooked aspects of Gen IV. Now, most people who are fans of Pokémon recognize that it can make a decent anime and great games, but know that they have no idea what they're doing when they try to make a motion picture. Granted, there are a handful of exceptions; _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew _and _Pokémon Heroes_. But, curiously enough, the one Generation where Pokémon was able to make consistently good movies was Generation IV.

Why?

Well, most of the time I like to think of Pokémon Movies as unusually long filler episodes of the Anime. Sometimes they advance character, are entertaining, and have solid plots, but most of the time they have no development, are always seemingly isolated from the events of the anime, and are just a medium to introduce Legendary Pokémon and show off their powers.

The exception to this was the Creation Trilogy; _The Rise of Darkrai, Giratina and the Sky Warrior _and _Arceus and the Jewel of Life. _One of the reasons I like to think this trilogy was so good is because of it's plot; something rarely used in a Pokémon Movie. But not only did they use sound plots in each individual movie, Pokémon went all in with this trilogy.

Not only did each movie build off the previous, the final movie actually explained the events for the previous two and concluded everything. To emphasize this, they gave Darkrai, Alamos Town and it's residents, Shaymin, Zero and Newton all cameos in the credits.

_Zoroark: Master of Illusions _wasn't bad either; it had a villain on par with Cyrus and Ghestis who managed to steal the show, but it felt like _Destiny Deoxys _with more greenery and a rather pointless appearance by Entei, Raikou and Suicune. Regardless, Generation IV managed to churn out four good movies, before Pokémon sadly relapsed into their old method of movie making.

**Best Anime:**

While we're on the topic of Pokémon on the television, let's take a look at the Sinnoh Anime. The Sinnoh Anime built off of the Hoenn and Battle Frontier Anime's policy of making Ash an intelligent, strategically sound trainer who proved to be far more of a challenge than in previous seasons or following.

While one could assert that Ash was more powerful in Battle Frontier, we have to keep in mind that the Battle Frontier Facilities allowed multiple challenges and Ash didn't always win on his first attempt. On the other hand, the Pokémon League is single elimination and that Ash managed to get into the top four (the furthest he's gotten in a League so far), not to mention having defeated two Legendary Pokémon in one battle to boot.

Now, an intelligent and powerful (and even a slightly less dense) Ash is always good, but that is not the sole reason I would say the Sinnoh Anime was the best. First the battles were paced and executed perfectly. In the Kalos Anime, a battle between a Froakie and a Fletching was portrayed as being an important and memorable battle through over the top effects, when in reality it was just a battle between two basic Pokémon that haven't had much training.

While Kalos continues to overrate its battles with flashy animation (though for some reason Pikachu and Lucario's battle was utterly one-sided, which makes little sense considering this is the same Pikachu who has defeated legends), Sinnoh understood perfectly when and how to show off its battles.

Finally, the anime was able to present much better character than its successors. Now, I'm not saying that the Unova and Kalos animes (or Kanto for that matter) were unable to provide character and development, but we got quite a bit more of it in Sinnoh. With the addition of supporting characters such as Nando, Zoey, Kenny, Lyra, Barry and even Paul, who were defined by personalities rather than quirks, they made a much more lasting impression on us.

_(Stephan: It's Stephan!)_

Of course it is generic rival. I'm sure everyone remembers you for your incredible backstory and character development rather than your running gag.

* * *

Overall, these are the reasons why I believe Generation IV to be the best. There are still strong arguments as to why II, III or V would be the best, but even if I did not convince you today that IV surpassed them, I would at least like to think that I have helped break down the conspiracy of silence surrounding it.

* * *

"There? Are you happy now?" Arceus asked as he turned around, looking at Mew who was in the corner, playing one of her games.

"Yep!" she replied quickly, before redirecting her attention at the console.

"Frankly, I'm surprised you actually took the time to write down an entire dissertation on how Generation IV was the best."

"It's not like you would have done an editorial on it if I hadn't." the Pink Pokémon relied, not even taking the time to look up from the machine.

"Yes, I suppose so. Being the equivalent of a deity does not give me much spare time (and I would be a fool to waste it on games)." Arceus bemoaned, ignoring the snort that came from Mew after saying that. He hovered out of the room, leaving her alone.


	3. Unown Friendship

Greetings. Today I will be reviewing a friendship story involving one of the most kind-hearted and likeable characters in the games... Silver.

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

At least if you are a rabid fangirl.

Regardless, I believe I have found a story that is something of a foil to a story Genesect once reviewed called _Golbat is Evolving_. If that story dealt with Silver's developing friendship with his Pokémon, then this one deals with his developing friendship with other humans.

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Unown Friendship" by SpiritofSilverWater**

* * *

_**Unown Friendship**_

_By: SpiritofSilverWater_

____Silver begins to question whether his friendship with Ethan and Lyra is a good thing or not. Ethan realizes this and takes Silver to some ruins, where he finds a clue to that question in a very strange manner. (Gameverse. Warning, Silver swears)____

* * *

And no, Unown is not a typo. As for the swearing, well, frankly it all depends on the content and amount. But since this is only K+, it shouldn't be too bad, though it still ought to be rated a T. Regardless, we start off with a battle between Ethan and Silver.

* * *

_"Hmp! Weak!" Silver shouted at Ethan, as he knocked one of Ethan's Pokemon out._

_"Yeah, well I already beat three of yours! You just got my first one down!" Ethan shouted back, sending out his Togekiss next._

_"Hmp! Sneasel, Faint Attack!" Silver shouted. Much to his surprise, it didn't do as much as he thought it would!_

* * *

Is 'Hmp!' Silver's catchphrase now? Admittedly I can see him saying that, but he's already proving to be more pompous than Victini and that accursed wheel.

* * *

_"Togekiss, use Dazzling Gleam!" Togekiss gave a happy cry, and glowed in a harsh pink light. When it faded, Sneasel lay defeated on the ground._

_"The hell was that?!" Silver shouted._

_"Haven't you heard of the new Fairy classification? It resists Dark, Fighting, and Dragon!"_

* * *

First, it is sadly _immune _to Dragon Types, not resistant. Second, you cannot convey the future upon the past in such a manner; if a Dark Type attack worked perfectly fine before, it would still be effective since HG/SS took place before Kalos. That would be like saying:

* * *

_Gates to Infinity Developer: Hmm... I don't like how the Swords of Justice are portrayed as competent and admirable Pokémon... so I think I'll just take out two of them, turn Virizion into a glamor girl and Keldeo into someone more neurotic than George Costanza! That way all the established canon that I have no control over will have to conform to my wishes! Ha-ha-ha!_

* * *

_Silver growled, and then sent out Gengar. "Sludge Bomb!" Gengar obeyed, and Togekiss was defeated._

_"Aw! You found Fairy's weakness…" Ethan pouted, causing Silver to smirk at battled for a while, and when they were done, they noticed that it began to storm very hard._

_"Crap! Well, time flies when you're having fun, right?" Ethan said._

_"Shut up!"_

* * *

Well, Silver seems to be in a good mood today.

* * *

_"Jeez, someone's cranky…" They proceeded to run through the storm, attempting to find shelter. They ran under a large tree._

_"This is a really bad idea…" Ethan remarked uneasily._

_"What are you whining about now?"_

_"Branches fall in the storm, and this tree has some pretty big ones."_

* * *

_(Arceus blinked in confusion.)_

Then why on earth did you pick that one!?

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

* * *

_"Then you can stop being a wuss and find a better place to hide." Just then, a loud boom of thunder sounded, and Ethan made a pathetic squeak under his breath. Which Silver unfortunately heard._

_"Seriously, you're scared of thunder? What are you, five years old?"_

_"I'm not scared!"_

_"Sure, and Magikarp live on land."_

_"Fine, I'm scared? Can you let it go now?"_

_"Hmp. Fine. You're such a weakling."_

_"Shut up!"_

_Another boom of thunder sounded, and Ethan squeaked again. Silver just barely contained laughter. After about fifteen minutes or so, the storm started to move on. Then, a rainbow appeared._

_"Wow! It's really pretty, isn't it?" Ethan asked with sparkles in his eyes._

* * *

_(Michael Palin: Sixteen stone of... Pure man.)_

_(__Arceus chortled.)_

I'm sorry, but the thought of the womanizing and mischievous Gold having a counter part in this... this pansy, is laughable. Is the author trying to make Ethan into a girl? Sure he has a Marill in the games, but that trait is shared with Lyra should the player choose him. But I think giving him a Togekiss, having him pout, squeal at lightning and be fascinated by rainbows is pushing it a bit.

* * *

_"What are you, a five year old girl?" Silver responded, personally thinking that the rainbow was an annoying shade of happiness._

_No! Rainbows are just awesome!"_

_"Whatever helps you sleep at night…" Did I really just get beat by this girl? Silver thought._

* * *

You know, I think I might just leave this review to Silver. He seems to be doing a perfectly good job on his own.

* * *

_A few days later_

_Silver was at Ethan's house because Lyra wanted them to watch a movie with her. Personally, Silver had better things to be doing, but Lyra forced him into it, and he's learned by now that it was impossible to say no to her._

* * *

How is it impossible? You clearly had no problem berating Ethan, so why would you have reservations in letting marshmallow hat have it? Unless... No, I'm thinking into this to much. It can't possibly be a contrived method of slipping in some SoulSlivershipping that will have no effect on the greater plot.

* * *

_Ugh. Sometimes I wish I could do things without them interfering. A few months ago, I would have just kicked them and__walked out. Since when have I gotten this soft? Is it them making me like this. Are friends really for the weak after all? __Silver questioned himself. Maybe it was weak. After all, if he didn't have those two as friends, he could be training and __getting stronger, right? What would they say. They would- wait, when have I become so dependent on someone else's __judgment? That's it. It must be them making me weak._ He was about to ditch on the movie, when Lyra ran up to the TV and started the movie, then sat next to him and held onto his arm. So much for ditching.

* * *

Well, it's not forceful so I won't complain.

* * *

_After it was over, Lyra went home. However, Ethan saw the look on Silver's face._

_"Hey, man. I know the movie wasn't that interesting, but come on! It wasn't that bad!"_

_"Hmp. The characters were so weak." He replied. Honestly, he hadn't payed the slightest attention to the movie, and didn't know a thing about the characters, but he needed an excuse. If Ethan found out what he was really thinking, he'd be in for a huge lecture, and he'd rather not sit through one of those._

__Damn it! I really am getting weak! If things were how they were before, then I would have just kicked him when he started_  
_to get annoying! What happened to me?!__

* * *

You usurped my position in pointing out flaws?

* * *

_"I don't know, you got a life?"_

_Damn it, he just said that out loud, didn't he?_

_"Yup."_

_"Screw you."_

* * *

_(Arceus snorted.)_

I am not sure whether to find that amusing or disturbing. I wonder what other thoughts Ethan has read?

* * *

_Silver's thoughts: I'm getting a little hungry... I wonder what Ethan has to eat?_

_Ethan: I have a few slices of pizza in the fridge._

_Silver: Thanks... Wait! How di-_

_Ethan: I can read minds._

_Silver: Really? Then what am I thinking of right now?_

_Ethan: That I can't read minds and that your favorite color is silver._

_Silver: That's obvious idiot! if you're so smart, then tell me what I'm thinking now._

_Ethan: You're trying to think up stuff that doesn't make sense to confuse me._

_Silver: Darn it!_

* * *

_Ethan sighed. Just when we thought we were getting through to him… "Hey man, I got something that will show you that even Pokemon know how valuable friendship is. Tomorrow, you're coming with me to Sinnoh._

_"Wonderful…" Silver said sarcastically._

* * *

That's it? No objections? Someone just says off the cuff that they're dragging you off to another region tomorrow and all you can muster is an indifferent and sarcastic remark?

* * *

_The next day_

_Silver was seriously thinking about finding a place to hide. Knowing Ethan, he'd probably bring him to a rainbow field or a natural Skittles factory or something girly and disgusting like that._

* * *

Both of those are an oxymoron. But if Ethan truly wanted to take you to an effeminate place where you can learn friendship is magic-

_(Arceus suddenly gulped as a red dot appeared between his eyes.)_

For my sake, I believe it would be better not to finish that statement.

* * *

_But hiding would be weak. So he faced Ethan like a man, and swore him out while getting on the plane. He didn't even know why Ethan would buy plane tickets instead of just using their Pokemon to fly, but Ethan was weird._

_After a few hours of a freezing cold plane ride, they landed in Hearthome City. Ethan took him north of it, and into these weird ruins. This was certainly strange, because as far as he knew, rainbows don't appear in caves. But a lot of weird things have happened that week._

* * *

That week? Did the author forget to add in a few scenes? Well, I suppose we can just summarize the missing portions with this:

_(Jerry Seinfeld: Yada, Yada, Yada.)_

* * *

_Ethan led him through a lot of staircases. Having nothing better to do, Silver mapped out the route in his head. Top right, lower left, top right, top left, top left, lower left. They finally got to the bottom. Ethan led him to a carving in the walls._

_"Read it." He commanded. "It was made by the Alphabet Pokemon, Unown."_

_Silver snickered. Unown were weaklings. Their stats were low, and they could only learn one move. However, seeing as he wasn't getting out of there until he did what Ethan wanted, he read the symbols._

_Friendship_

_All lives_

_Touch other_

_Lives to create_

_Something_

_Anew and alive_

_That was it? Weak. Ethan led him back up to the top._

* * *

Well, I have to give the author credit for bringing back an obscure episode of the anime to use as part of the plot.

* * *

_"Ok. Now I want you to go down and catch one of every Unown you see on the way."_

_"What?" This was really, really stupid and annoying._

_"You heard me. You aren't getting out of this until you do. Better get going."_

_Silver gritted his teeth and went down. It wasn't hard to catch those things. They were weak._

_When he got back up, he threw the Pokeballs at Ethan._

_"There, happy? Now that you've wasted my precious time for nothing-"_

_"Look." Silver looked back, and saw the the Unown have arranged themselves in order to spell the word "friend"._

* * *

Didn't Ethan say one of every Unown? So what are the other twenty-two doing?

* * *

_"Weak." He said._

_"Maybe alone they are, but look at the Pokedex."_

_This is so pointless… Silver thought, but he looked anyway._

_"When alone, nothing happens, but when there are two or more, an odd power is said to emerge."_

_"These things swarmed together once and managed to deal damage to legendaries. There's strength in numbers after all, and the more you have on your side, the stronger you are."_

_For once, Silver was silent. It was hard to believe that something like that happened, but something inside him knew it was true. Damn it, why does Ethan always have to be right?_

* * *

Because this is a friendship story, and the end justifies the means when writing these.

* * *

_He looked back and saw him wearing that familiar, infuriating grin._

_"I'm pretty sure you got the point by now. Let's go back to Johto. On our Pokemon this time."_

_"Speaking of which, why didn't you just use Pokemon to fly over here in the first place? Scared I was going to run off?"_

_"Well, that's a small part of it."_

_"And what was the bigger part?" Silver asked expectantly._

_Ethan gave a dorky grin. "They have great food on that plane!" Silver nearly facepalmed hard enough to leave a dent in his forehead._

* * *

And on that amusing note, Unown Friendship comes to it's conclusion. So what is my Judgement? It was enjoyable. While not the best in terms of character (cough *Ethan* cough), it was enjoyable for the most part and even funny.

Though it certainly has its share of discrepancies, this story was purely about friendship and can suffer them as a result. After all, this isn't a serious novel about life and death, just a short story about someone trying to get his friend to lighten up. Well, with that out of the way, I feel that some rest will do me well.

* * *

**The End**

_**Credits:**_

_The Angry Bug Show_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus - Historical Impersonations_

_Seinfeld - The Yada Yada_


	4. Action Scene 1

_Somewhere in the Distortion World..._

* * *

Giratina frantically flew to the prison cell that held Prisoner M, only to enter right as the defective Mew teleported away in a flash of light, leaving behind a shattered prison cell and an army of unconscious Dusclops. Giratina floated over to the barely conscious Dusknoir that served as the general, and looked down at the Ghost Type that was slumped against the wall. The Renegade Pokémon already knew what obviously happened, he needed to find out what Origin Mew was planning. After all, it was customary for egotistical villains to declare what their plans were whenever they escaped.

General Dusknoir seemed to understand what Giratina wanted. "He said... he would show who the original Pokémon really was..."

The ghost type slumped back against the wall after that while Giratina started to panic, flying back and forth in a frenzied worry. _"Not good, not good! Father is going to kill me, if Origin Mew doesn't kill him first! He was so overpowered back in Gen I that father had to imprison him, erase as much knowledge of him as possible and create an idiot in his place."_

Giratina stopped flying for a second, blinking, contemplating his previous thought._ "But then again Mew's probably done more damage than Origin Mew could have ever have hoped to do.__" _The Ghost/Dragon type then began flying again, muttering under his breath as thoughts raced through his head.

Giratina stopped flying abruptly through his haphazard pacing and suddenly took a deep breath. _"Calm down, calm down. This is father we're talking about; he can't possibly lose. Not even to Origin Mew. But when he destroys that abomination he'll want to know why it was in the Hall in the first place..."_

The Renegade Pokémon then started to sweat profusely, only for it to teleport a few bottles of whiskey into the room. He hovered one of them in front of him, popped the cork, and raised it in a sardonic cheer.

_"Oh well... It doesn't matter who wins; I'm dead either way. Might as well hope I'll be too drunk to feel death."_

* * *

While Arceus was nestled, asleep in his chambers, with visions of Mew destroying the hall dancing in his head, said Legendary was absentmindedly floating throughout said hall. The Pink, feline-like Legendary let out a heavy sigh in pure boredom.

"There's nothing to do... I just wish _something_ would happen." Then, as if AuraWielder himself decided to intervene, a bright flash of light appeared behind Mew. The Psychic Type turned around and saw a white, hunchback, fetus-like deformed version of herself. The two silently stared at each other for a few seconds, before Mew decided to speak up rather than scream and run. Well, run at least.

"AGH! Doppelgänger!" Origin Mew rolled his hollow eyes in response.

"Please, I'm the original. You're just some simpleton Arceus made to replace me." Mew gawked at his statement.

"Replace!? I'm the one and only Mew... not... not some knockoff." Origin Mew grew a disturbing smirk at the sight of the distraught Pokémon across from him.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. But the truth remains; I was created first and was the only Pokémon on earth powerful enough to challenge Arceus. And when I was defeated he made you, the idiotic and weaker version of me, as well as the Dark Type to make sure he would remain unchallenged. But now I'm here to exact my revenge. So get out the way or be eradicated!" the deformed Mew's eyes flared blue at the final statement, followed by an icy blue aura surrounding him. Mew quickly recovered from her dejected state and hardened her features, adopting an emotionless glare.

"I don't like how stuffy and overbearing Arceus is, and I'm betting he won't trust me with anything important because he's afraid I'll turn into you... but I'm not about to let you go and attack him either. Besides; I'm the only one allowed to torment Arceus in this story and I won't let you infringe on my sole purpose in life!"

Origin Mew seemed taken aback by Mew's sudden change in personality, only to quickly get over it and unleash a Fire Blast. When the smoke from the explosion cleared, a green field of energy was surrounding an unscathed Mew, who had donned a helmet with a ridiculously large crescent. When the Protect wore off, Mew pulled out two dueling pistols from nowhere, the barrels on both being larger than her stubby arms, and aimed the at Origin Mew to his horrified shock.

"GUNS!? There are no guns in Pokémon!" Mew rolled her eyes.

"Do episodes twelve, nineteen, thirty-five and fifty-four ring any bells?" Fetus Mew started muttering under his breath at that, before Mew got his attention again.

"Now, these flintlock handguns may be centuries old and horribly inaccurate, but they also happen to be some of the most destructive firearms in history... So, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?" Origin Mew gulped at that and quickly dodged the first shot that Mew fired off, the recoil launching Mew's arm back, and hastily darted from his position, with Mew following close behind him.

"Dance you deformed reject, DANCE!" she shouted, pulling the trigger a few dozen more times, riddling the floor beneath them with holes. Eventually Origin Mew managed to gain enough distance to safely generate a portal back to the Distortion World, jump in it, and close it before Mew managed to pursue.

* * *

Giratina was now slightly wobbling in place, still in the prison and surrounded by bottles and unconscious Ghost Types. Just as he was getting ready to say something, a small portal opened in front of him. When Origin Mew tumbled out, Giratina was too shocked to act.

"Get me away from that psychopath!" he shouted at the now thoroughly confused Giratina.

"What?"

"You heard me! Lock me up, throw away the key. Anything to keep _her _away from me!" Origin Mew shouted, pointing at Mew, who had by now formed her own portal and appeared behind him. Giratina looked over to said Psychic Type, only for Mew to wave and give a toothy grin, followed by a backflip in mid air. The Renegade Pokémon looked down to the white Psychic Type, who was staring in disbelief.

"It's all an act, I tell you!" Giratina just ignored Origin Mew, having dismissed him as nothing more than a delusion brought about by his drunken imagination and desperation. The deformed fetus growled, but then flew back to where his sphere like prison used to be, levitated the pieces back in mid air around him, and sealed himself back inside.

After watching in pure disbelief, Giratina turned back to Mew only to find she had left. Shaking his golden head at what had just happened, Giratina levitated one of the discarded whiskey bottles, scanning the list of ingredients.

* * *

As Mew flew out of the portal and back into the Hall, she found Arceus waiting for her.

"Where were you?" was all the Alpha Pokémon asked, followed by a telepathic yawn. Mew only giggled innocently at his questioning.

"Oh, nowhere important." Arceus raised a nonexistent eyebrow at Mew's statement.

"Nowhere important, hmm?" Arceus replied sarcastically, levitating one of the marble sized metallic balls from its place in the floor. Mew only started to laugh nervously as Arceus' glare intensified. To her surprise though, rather than yell he merely teleported a broom, dustpan, and bucket of plaster into the room before wordlessly leaving.

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

Oh dear, I think I might have gone too far this time. But then again I've seen crazier.

Anyways, I felt that Mew deserved a bit more attention, given how much of Arceus' attention she takes up, and the idea gradually formed after Kyurem the Critic's One Year Extravaganza (Thanks again to Mr. Grool for letting me use Origin Mew).

Oh, and in response to a question I was asked by a friend of mine; "who did you try to model Mew after?" Admittedly I modeled this version of Mew after a character from my favorite cartoon: Bloo from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Just like Bloo, she's cute, somewhat well-meaning and occasionally considerate, but usually lazy, somewhat greedy, and even a bit sociopathic. That was the original model, anyway, but I feel that she's taken on a bit of a unique personality of her own that I can't really define.

Also, what is it about Origin Mew that makes people quote _Dirty Harry_?


	5. Let It Pass

"Greetings. Today I will be reviewing a Pokémon Conquest story that deals with the death of a loved one."

* * *

_Motonari's Malady_

* * *

"No, no... If I were to review that, I would become an even bigger rip-off of Keldeo, not to mention it would be shameless advertising." As Arceus said that, a certain Civilization Leader happened to pop up on his computer.

"Speaking of shameless advertising; don't forget to read The-" Arceus quickly turned off the software before the man could finish his sentence.

"With that aside, why don't we begin?"

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Let It Pass" by **Akai Shi-Koret****

* * *

_****Let It Pass****_

_By: Akai Shi-Koret_

_A short featuring Kanbei and Hanbei from Pokemon Conquest. Don't ask me why I wrote this cause IDK either._

* * *

If you don't know why you wrote it then why should we read it? Why don't you know why you wrote it? Do you usually not write tragedy?

_(Arceus shook his head then sighed.)_

We're not even pass the summary yet and I'm already confused. This doesn't bode well.

* * *

_The electric lights of Kanbei's room were always dim, but that night they had been extinguished completely. Darkness clung to the corners of the chamber and hung from the arms of the heavy steel chandelier above. A single candle flickered in a corner of the room, providing barely enough illumination for the Warrior to see the paper he wrote on. Wax dripped down the sides of the candlestick and pooled slowly around its base, but Kanbei never noticed._

* * *

Well, this is a very descriptive start, so perhaps my fears were unf- wait... Electric lights, a chandelier and a candlestick? Can't this author ever make up his mind!?

* * *

_His thoughts were focused solely and completely on his writing, never straying away even when a maid knocked on his door or when the floor trembled from another volcanic upsurge._

* * *

The author and Kanbei are clearly two different people when it comes to writing.

* * *

_The words poured from his quill as he frantically scribbled his way across the page, but not fast enough to capture the full breadth of his train of thought. The faster he wrote, the more ended up slipping away from his mind off to places unknown. Finally, Kanbei dropped the writing utensil in disgust, leaning over the desk and resting his head in his hands. He'd been on the verge of a breakthrough, of that he was sure, but the idea had disappeared before he'd been able to write it down. As it usually did._

_A soft noise, like the sound of an iron lamp swaying in the wind, echoed from the ceiling above him and a faint blue light suddenly permeated the room. Kanbei glanced up instinctively just in time to see the ghostly form of his Lampent drift down through the wooden surface, spinning slightly as though in a breeze._

* * *

Correct me if I'm wrong... but a "volcanic upsurge" won't distract you from writing, but a blue light will?

_(Dug: Squirrel!)_

Ohhh, Terrifying...

* * *

__"Where have you been?" Kanbei muttered softly as the Pokemon came to a rest over his left shoulder. The lamp simply made a gesture with one of the iron tendrils that served as its arms, while visions of the battlefield flashed through Kanbei's mind. Watching, the Pokemon said. Waiting.__

* * *

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

More unexplained vagueness and confusion! Hooray!

* * *

__But there was something else on the periphery of its consciousness as well, something that it attempted to conceal from Kanbei even as he sought to discover what it was. "And?" the Warrior asked, making no effort to hide his disappointment. The Pokemon floated away from its partner, intent on fleeing through the nearest wall, but a sharp mental tug from Kanbei pulled it up short.__

* * *

__(Arceus furrowed his non-existent eyebrows in observation.)__

I feel compelled to point this out, since no one who has not played Conquest will notice this, and I doubt that most people who have played Conquest will either; this author is putting the link between warrior and Pokémon into his story. Now, despite this is arguably one of the most important aspects of the game, it is oddly underused in Fanfiction.

Some of the better stories will mention it in passing, or explain it as being a method of communication between the partners, but this is the first story I have read that actually goes into detail about this concept, and manages to do it quite well. So I must give kudos to the author for this scene.

* * *

_It fought the strain for a brief second, but upon realizing that Kanbei would give no quarter it gave in. Searching for him, it admitted mournfully._

_Kanbei slumped in his chair, disappointment, anger, and sadness rising up all at once. "I've told you, he's not coming back," he said hollowly. "People don't follow the same rules as Pokemon."_

_The Lampent curved its arms above its head at the gesture, making a perfect circle with its head in the middle. Some do, it whispered in Kanbei's mind. Some have returned._

_"And most don't," the Warrior snapped. "It's been a month now. He'd dead, Lampent._

* * *

_(John Cleese: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.)_

* * *

__His voice was cold and disciplined, but the thoughts that spread to his Pokemon through the mental link they shared were a maelstrom of emotions – anger at his Pokemon for being foolish, anger at himself, and always the ever-present melancholy that threatened to swallow him. The ghost flinched under the barrage of feelings and drifted to the floor, bobbing in and out of the dark rug like a lamp floating through an ancient sea. Sorry, it said, the word ringing through Kanbei's head like the toll of a bell.  
__

__Kanbei cut off the emotions, forcing them back down into the depths of his being. "No, I'm sorry," he apologized,__

* * *

__(Arceus grunted in anger.)__

Why is this author so confused!? First you say Kanbei cut off his emotions, then you have him apologize! Make up your mind already!

* * *

_"It's not your fault." The past he'd fought so long to keep out of his head was suddenly upon him and Kanbei remembered it all – the early warning signs, the coughing, the final sickness. How Hanbei had never seemed to treat it seriously, always waving off the illness as though it'd be over by the next day. "Just because you like Ghost Pokemon doesn't mean you can tell when people are going to die," he'd said in between coughs one day._

* * *

_(Zorua: I almost got killed once!)_

* * *

_"Besides, I like it this way. Lord Hideyoshi can't complain about me staying in bed all the time now." The mere memory of his brother's broad grin was almost too much to handle._

* * *

_(Arceus' eyes nearly bulged out of his head at that one word.)_

B-Brother!?

* * *

_brother's_

* * *

_(A picture of Kanbei and Hanbei appeared on the screen, with their names underneath their respective pictures; Kanbei Kuroda, Hanbei Takenaka.)_

What on earth compelled the author to make them brothers? Was it because of their names? Was it because this is a tragedy and it would be more tragic if he lost his brother? If it's the latter, I can understand but at least give us some warning that you're taking Pokémon down a darker route. But nope, no author's notes or something in the summary to mention that the author is taking massive liberties with Pokémon by having Hanbei be killed in battle and then making him Kanbei's brother.

* * *

_"You know, you can cry for me," a voice whispered suddenly in Kanbei's ear. The Warrior jolted out of his chair immediately, spinning to face the threat while his Lampent spiraled up from the floor, blue flames burning even more brightly. Both Warrior and Pokemon froze as they realized what they were seeing – there, sitting on Kanbei's desk as though it was a park bench, was Hanbei. "Hey, brother," the apparition said with a lazy wave._

* * *

_(Arceus just stared at the screen in pure shock.)_

* * *

__Kanbei blinked. "What…?" he managed to eke out before confusion, relief, and shock welled up within him and shut down his ability to speak. His Lampent was similarly silenced, although it had a completely different feeling. I was right, it said with a triumphant air. I was right.__

* * *

Because the first thing you do when you see a Ghost is to say "I told you so".

* * *

__Kanbei's shock was enough to elicit a laugh from Hanbei – one that didn't end in coughing. "What's the matter Kanbei?," he said, slipping off the desk and taking a few steps forward. "You didn't think something like death was gonna keep me from bothering you, huh?"__

* * *

__(Arceus snorted.)__

I know this is supposed to be a tragedy, but the author somehow managed to make this funny.

_(Arceus blinked a few more times at an epiphany.)_

Come on; the author can't even decide if he wants this to be a comedy or a tragedy! MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!

* * *

_He glanced backwards at the paper Kanbei had been working on early. "I see you've been keeping busy. What's all this?"_

_The white-haired Warrior wasn't fully recovered from the surprise, but had enough sense of mind to snatch the paper off the desk. "You know I don't let you read anything I write," he said, stowing the white sheet away within the sleeve of his robe. "Now, how did you come back?" he asked bluntly. "And why?"_

* * *

_(Arceus starts imitating Hanbei's voice.)_

And a fine howdy-do to you as well. Glad to know that if I ever bend the laws of reality just to come back and see you again, your main priorities will still be writing.

* * *

_Hanbei's grin faded into a shrug. "You're the ghost master here, Kanbei," he said with a wink. "I just figured you could use my company. Otherwise you'd NEVER leave this room. Isn't that right Raichu?" For the first time, Kanbei noticed the spectral thunder mouse that was sitting at his brother's feet, lazily absorbing the conversation. It nodded enthusiastically at the question, mimicking its partner's wink._

* * *

You know, I find it to be amusing how this is supposed to be sad, but the author has unintentionally made this funny.

* * *

_(A deep voice can be heard as a film projector starts counting down.)_

**_W__hat you are about to see is surreal. It has been edited and enhanced for comedic purposes._**

_A soft noise, like the sound of an iron lamp swaying in the wind, echoed from the ceiling above him and a faint blue light suddenly permeated the room._

_The Warrior jolted out of his chair_

_"Hey, brother," the apparition said with a lazy wave._

**_A comedy the likes of which has not been seen since Manos: The Hands of Fate._**

_there, sitting on Kanbei's desk as though it was a park bench, was Hanbei._

_"You didn't think something like death was gonna keep me from bothering you, huh?"_

_"So you're here to haunt me?" Kanbei asked, starting to feel slightly annoyed._

_It nodded enthusiastically at the question, mimicking its partner's wink._

_"You're the ghost master here, Kanbei," he said with a wink. "I just figured you could use my company. Otherwise you'd NEVER leave this room. Isn't that right Raichu?"_

**_Starring:_**

**_Hanbei Takenaka_**

_"What he said," Hanbei finished,_

_**Kanbei Kuroda**_

_Kanbei blinked. "What…?"_

**_Lampent_**

_Do not forget, it said, hovering in front of its partner's face._

**_And that guy from that thing in the eighties._**

**_Ghost Brother_**

_With one final wink, Hanbei stepped through the wall and out of sight, his Raichu following close behind._

**_Coming soon_**

* * *

_"So you're here to haunt me?" Kanbei asked, starting to feel slightly annoyed. The irritation spiked when Hanbei gave a hearty nod. "And to keep you from getting too annoyed at Lord Hideyoshi, that is," Hanbei replied._

* * *

_(Arceus continues to imitate Hanbei's voice.)_

You'll be so fed up with my antics that you won't even have time for the Monferno. Heck, I'm sure you'll have to call Ghostbusters just to get some peace of mind.

* * *

_Upon seeing his brother's frown though, Hanbei's smile disappeared. "There IS a reason I came back," he said soberly. "You'd better listen though, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once." He paused to ensure that Kanbei was paying attention, took a breath, and continued. "You can't ignore life just because someone has gone out of it, Kanbei. I know you're all obsessed with death and ghosts and stuff, but seriously dude – get over it." A small grin reappeared on Hanbei's face. "And you've got your whole 'take over the world' plan to figure out anyways. You don't have time to worry about me."_

* * *

Well, this author has managed to pull off a heartwarm- wait...

* * *

_He paused to ensure that Kanbei was paying attention, took a breath, and continued._

* * *

The dead don't need to breath!

* * *

_Kanbei's face was impassive. "Hanbei, how am I to just forget you?" he asked, keeping the emotion out of his voice with some effort. His older brother opened his mouth to respond, but Kanbei's Lampent was faster. Do not forget, it said, hovering in front of its partner's face. Remember. And let pass on._

_"What he said," Hanbei finished, pointing at the ghost. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." He turned towards the nearby wall, walking towards it with the clear intent of going straight through. "This is pretty neat, you gotta admit," he said with a grin as he stuck a hand into the surface._

_"Wait," Kanbei said, lurching forwards a step or two. "Is this goodbye then?"_

* * *

_(Arceus sighed_.)

Of course not. That would be too tragic. No, just insert another joke that's more unexpected than the Spanish Inquisition, and I think we can call it a day.

* * *

_Hanbei shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll be back," he said, eyes screwed up as though evaluating a mental list of things to do. "Just to heckle you a bit more. But for right now at least, there are more pressing concerns – like Nene taking a bath." With one final wink, Hanbei stepped through the wall and out of sight, his Raichu following close behind._

* * *

Right _there_ is where this story breathes its last. It was doing a very good job of keeping Hanbei in character until it gave him this line:

* * *

_But for right now at least, there are more pressing concerns – like Nene taking a bath._

* * *

Can anyone who has played the source material see Hanbei saying this? What justification was there for perverting him!?

* * *

_He'd only been gone a second when his head reappeared through the wall. "And bro?" he said. "I love you, man." And then his face slipped away through the wood and into places unknown._

_Kanbei stared at the spot where his brother had disappeared for another few seconds before finally returning to his desk chair. Years of practice had kept him from ever uttering the words, but as he took his seat they floated to the top of his consciousness: "Love you too, Hanbei"._

* * *

And with that, this story is concluded. So what is my Judgement on it? While it gets worse as it goes along, I can't really give one definite conclusion, so I'll just have to list out what I've noted.

On the positive side, it is very well written and descriptive, with impeccable grammar and punctuation. The beginning had a very somber tone and the selection of Kanbei as the one who has lost someone dear to him was a good choice. Had it been anyone else other than Hanbei, perhaps an actual family member, it would have worked much better since the story could have focused on explaining _why_ he was so emotionless and dour. Likewise, it can be heartwarming when it wants too.

On the negative side, it tends to lapse into a confusing and indecisive mix that is a constant distraction. The biggest problem though was the selection of Hanbei. Now, while I think the idea of a deceased loved one coming back to try and help a depressed family member is a very good idea, the problem with it was the choice of having Hanbei be the one. Given their historical friendship I could see it happen, but simply due to Hanbei's personality it's a bad idea.

Why?

Well, Hanbei is an upbeat, wisecracking strategist that loves to both sleep and help Kanbei. So, naturally, injecting someone with such a light-hearted personality into a story that is supposed to be focusing on a very serious matter severely impedes the tone. This could have been easily remedied if the author changed Hanbei's personality a bit (which he did, just not in the right direction), but no such effort was made.

Overall, this story was okay, and if the author went back and changed around a few things it could actually be pretty good. Now, with that done, I believe there are other matters I must attend to.

_(After Arceus left his study, quiet reigned for a few moments before three individuals in matching red uniforms burst into the room.)_

"Nobody expects the Spa-"

**The End**

"Oh, Bugger."

_**Credits**_

_Up_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus: Dead Parrot_

_Zorua Reviews_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Nostalgia Critic: Ghost Dad_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000: Manos: The Hands of Fate_

_Ghostbusters_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Spanish Inquisition_

_Samurai Warriors_


	6. Editorial 2

Greetings. In light of the story I just reviewed, I'd like to talk about Pokémon Conquest a bit more. Now, this isn't going to be why it's great or deserving of more attention, just about the few little extras in it you probably never noticed. No, I'm not talking about the time when Motonari referenced Pokeballs, Kenshin and Shingen's five battles or Mitsuhide's Rebellion, I'm referring to the more subtle moments that are laced throughout the game. So why don't we take a look?

**Arceus the Critic**

**5 Things You (Probably) Never Knew About Pokémon Conquest**

* * *

**Number 5: Pokémon Got Aurora's Name Wrong**

Now, I imagine you're thinking how that is possible. And while this technically isn't in the game, I figured it was such a glaring error that it had to be addressed. You see, on the official English Pokémon Conquest site (which is still up to the best of my knowledge), they explain that you start off playing as the young Warlord of the _Primus _Kingdom. Not Aurora, but Primus.

What's worse is that this was one of the earliest entries on the site, so they had plenty of chances to fix this gaffe, but made no effort whatsoever. If you go there today, the mistake is still there for all to see.

**Number 4: Historical In-Jokes**

There are so many, so I will just list them out to save time:

While this is probably the most obvious; Hideyoshi's historical nickname was Monkey. I think you can fill in the blanks from there.

Nobunaga, who was suddenly betrayed and killed by Mitsuhide, uses Dragon Types while Mitsuhide uses Ice Types. Whereas Hideyoshi, who killed Mitsuhide to avenge Nobunaga, uses both Fire and Fighting. Likewise Ieyasu and Hideyoshi were rivals, and both have type advantages and disadvantages to cancel each other out; Fire/Fighting V.S Metal/Rock.

When Nobunaga is defeated by friendly fire, he will remark "How Fitting", which is another allusion to his historical death, and possibly him even mocking it.

At the end of Hanbei's story he starts coughing up a storm, and denies getting sick to Hideyoshi and Kanbei, which is a reference to the consumption that brought an untimely demise to him.

Despite Yoshimoto being an awful fighter, he is a good administrator due to his above average stats, which is a reference to the fact that he left most of the fighting to Sessai (who is one of the only named generic characters to speak in the main story), while he managed his fief.

Whenever Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide are in opposing armies during a capture the flag battle, both will have their energy maxed out after trading words, which is alluding to the historical battle of Yamazaki, where both rushed to seize Mt. Tenno before the other could. Likewise, when Nobunaga and Mitsuhide clash for the first time, both of their energy will increase as well.

Shigen's Rank II ability; Furin Kazan, is literally translated to "Wind, Forest, Fire, Mountain". That ability is a reference to passages from the Art of War that Shingen made as his standard: "as swift as wind, as silent as forest, as fierce as fire, as unshakeable as mountain."

Historically, Ginchiyo and Muneshige's marriage was very tense, to the point where they even lived in different castles at one point. This is represented by the fact that to Transform both have to be in the same army but in non-adjacent castles.

And finally: While all the Rank I designs are based off the characters from Samurai Warriors 3, with Rank II being more based on Pokémon, Nobunaga's Rank I sprite is actually based off his young Kessen III appearance, while Hideyoshi's base I sprite draws inspiration from both his Samurai Warriors and Samurai Warriors 2 designs, with both their Rank II being based on SW3. Not exactly historical, but still interesting nonetheless.

**Number 3: Nobunaga Was Right**

I suppose you are wondering why I would claim this, especially since Nobunaga became desperate enough in the final battle that he wanted to kill me. Well, why don't we take a look at his motives?

In both his and the Hero/ine's stories, he is sick of how decadent Ransei has become in their hapless pursuit of yours truly, and how cruel they got to each other and their partners in the process. While he tried to reason with people, they decried him as a fool. When Nobunaga realized that people could not be reasoned with through words he had to become the very thing he hated to bring about peace.

One could argue that the Hero's way was better; uniting the Kingdoms and linking with me to end the squabbling... but what would happen once the Hero passed on? People would naturally start fighting over me again, and Nobunaga knew this. He saw how decadent society had become and realized that he would not be able to reason with them.

After all, how could you reason with people who had become so calloused? The only way to force them to see reason was remove or destroy the object they were fighting over to begin with, which would create a long term, if not drastic, solution. While I would later return, I left for the time being in hopes that Ransei would manage to calm down and start to enjoy battles for their own sake rather than for what was on the line.

So even in defeat, Nobunaga still won the war.

**Number 2: Ransei is Modern**

Yes, I imagine this comes as a bit of a shock to many of you. At first glance, Ransei look very medieval, but upon closer examination, it ends there; the designers were only trying to make it look medieval, not actually be medieval beyond a semi-feudal society and dress.

Many of the giveaways are either obvious or become obvious upon closer examination: Motonari references Pokeballs being used in other regions, Valora is equipped with security cameras, Violight has a power plant, all the banks have computers, blimps are used to move warriors between non-adjacent kingdoms, and Kenshin has Mewtwo as a partner.

**Number 1: Keiji Makes a Star Trek Reference**

Yes, Keiji, the wild, wandering warrior with Terrakion as his partner, makes a Star Trek reference. No, I'm not joking.

Whenever you activate his ability he will say "Set your faces to stunned!", which is a pun on the classic line "Set phasers to stun". I really can't say anything else about it, it's just a funny little detail that's completely out of left field.

* * *

Well, I think that concludes this. If there was something I missed, feel free to tell me.

* * *

**The** **End**

_**Credits:**_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Star Trek_


	7. The prank

Greetings. Do you remember back at the end of Season One when I said I try to avoid romance? Well... I had an epiphany. Romance, when done well, is extremely hard to review due to the fact it would be cruel to leave cynical comments when most readers can sympathize and even enjoy or appreciate a loving moment between two characters. On the other hand; Bad Romance is a gold mine.

_(Arceus, despite having no mouth, smiled sardonically.)_

So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you; _The prank._

_(Arceus' demeanor quickly changed as he blinked a few times and then gulped nervously.)_

Please tell me this isn't the sequel to _The Secret._

**Arceus the Critic**

**"The prank" by FunSizePikachu**

* * *

_The prank _

_By: FunSizePikachu_

_May and Ash confess their feelings by a prank. One-shot advaceshipping_

* * *

_(Arceus let out a sigh of relief.)_

Oh thank goodness it's not ForkOnTheLeft. I don't think I could bear another story as inane as _that one._

* * *

_Ash was staying at the maples house after he arrived from Sinnoh and came to visit may. He was at the living room with may they were both sitting on the couch watching tv. Ash watched may with amusement as she was struggling on finding something good to watch, when she didn't find anything she ended with a huff and pout as she tossed the remote onto the coffee table. This caused ash to chuckle at her, she huffed more and blew up her bangs. Pikachu who was sleeping in ash's lap woke up slowly and yawned,he then looked at may curiously. Ash just laughed at her and her antics, this annoyed may a lot._

* * *

Why is May never capitalized? And what is up with this line!?

* * *

_Ash just laughed at her and her antics_

* * *

I don't know whether the author was writing and saw a squirrel or meant to put something else in place of her, but, frankly, I am at a loss for what that sentence is supposed to be.

* * *

_"What are you laughing at Ketchum!?" May asked the boy annoyed._

* * *

_(Arceus reeled back.)_

Has May turned into Iris?

* * *

_Ash stopped and looked at the annoyed girl with a smirk "nothing" ash responded, he looked down at pikachu and petted him which he received a coo from the pokemon._

* * *

_(Chatot: The Guildmaster's writing is such a messy scrawl... This is so hard to decipher...)_

* * *

_"Hmph" she responded to the trainer and got up from the couch she then turns to him. "I'm going to the store to get snacks wanna come?"_

* * *

Apparently the author gave May a split personality, since she goes from berating Ash to asking him if he wants to go to the store.

* * *

_May: Hey, Ash. I need to get some groceries, could you help out?_

_Other May: Please, you're just asking him that 'cause you want a contrived method to confess your barely concealed feelings for him._

_May: S-Shut up!_

_Other May: Make me._

_(May then punched herself across the face, only to do it again before she threw herself to the floor while shouting at herself. Ash just quietly ran out of the room.)_

* * *

_"Nah ima stay here and relax" he replied as he rested on the couch lazily._

* * *

_(Arceus growled lowly.)_

The author is even more lazy and incompetent than Ash, considering she couldn't even bother _to insert punctuation!_

* * *

_May facepalmed her self at the trainers antics "fine...what about you pikachu? Wanna come?"_

_"Chu-pi!" The little mouse cheered and jumped onto her shoulder, this caused may to smile and scratch his chin._

* * *

Usually I would pan the author for having Pikachu willing part with Ash, but right now he's so out of character that I frankly don't care.

* * *

_"Chaaaa..." May giggled at the Pokemon._

_Ash looked at them with one eye opened and closed it again and chuckled._

_"What?"_

_"Nothing"_

_"Ugh! You never give a me a straight answer ash!"_

_"I know" he smirked at her again with eyes closed. May just rolled her eyes._

* * *

Can any of you seeing a normal Ash have dialogue like this? I can't even see him watching television for more than five minutes. Next thing you know, this author is going to turn him into a maid and-

_(Arceus hung his head and sighed.)_

* * *

_"Anyways while I'm gone with pikachu can you clean up a bit?"_

_"Yeah sure"_

_"Okay thanks! Oh do you want anything?"_

* * *

Just a way to get out of this.

* * *

_"A chocolate bar seems nice right now"_

_"K I'll be back" she said while putting on her shoes. She then headed to the door._

_"Cya ash!" "Pikapi!" The duo said to him and walked out the door. Ash looked out the living room window, watching them disappear into the distance. When they were gone ash sighed and started cleaning up the house._

* * *

_(Arceus stared blankly at the screen, a not-so-subtle horror plastered across his face.)_

Was this story originally a text? Why are- oh, what's the use...

* * *

_"Hmm everything looks clean...maybe i should clean May's room"_

* * *

_(Arceus' right eye is twitching uncontrollably as he is doing everything in his barely-controlled power to not decimate the story.)_

* * *

_Ash walked up the stairs into the brunette's room. He opened the door to reveal a brightly lit room with light pink walls a raised bed with plushies on them. To the other side was her desk with a laptop and pictures on the wall above it. Her wardrobe had her ribbons in frames along with more pictures. He walked in enjoying the scent of her room as he did something caught his eye on her bed. Ash walked to the bed were the object was, when he got close enough his smile widen at what he saw. On the bed was a book that said 'May's Diary DO NOT TOUCH!'_

* * *

_(Arceus snarled in a barely controlled fit of anger.)_

Can you possibly be more obvious!? The only thing that would top this in the 'disregard the obvious warning' category, would be if you had a big red button with the words 'do not press' labeled on it!

* * *

_He chuckled when he read the cover. "So may..." He scanned the book, it was bright red with white polka dots on it, it looked new. This made ash curious on what may was writing in it. "Hmm one page wouldn't hurt" he said to himself letting the curiosity get the best of him. He opened the book to find beautiful handwriting in neat paragraphs._

* * *

So we go through a short entry detailing Ash to an uncapitalized T, even getting the part where he is too dense to notice any overtures to him, _including the one he's reading_ (which he naturally assumes is referring to someone else), until we get to a- well... I don't want to spoil how stupid this is. Just read it for yourselves.

* * *

_ash was a bit sadden that may thought of herself like that. "She is the most beautiful girl I know..who ever this guy is I'm going to hurt him if he hurts her" he looked down at her diary curious on what she wrote next. He turned the page to reveal something odd. In large black letters said You just got trolled! Whoever read this look behind you!._

* * *

_(Arceus' right eye starts to twitch uncontrollably again, which follows by a spasm of his entire head. The Alpha Pokémon then starts chuckling darkly before the entire Hall begins to shake. His eyes then flash momentarily and Arceus, despite having no nose or mouth, takes a very deep breath. He then takes a few more for good measure and closes his eyes. He then begins to speak again, only for the line to play again, much to his horror.) _

Is... Is this a punishment for my iniquities?

_(As if answering yes, the line played again. Arceus screamed in pure anguish in response.)_

FINE! FINE, I'll CONFESS! Just make it stop!

I was the one who removed the dialogue and character development from Pokémon Conquest!

I was the one who gave Korrina the voice of Amy Rose!

I was the one who got rid of the competent Ash and made Pikachu lose to a Snivy!

I was the one who took out the Post-Games of Black &amp; White and X &amp; Y!

I was the one who designed the Gates to Infinity characters!

I was the one who removed all pre-Gen V Pokémon from Black and White!

I was the one who created the Over Powered Dragons and the even more Over Powered Fairy Type!

I was the one who convinced Cartoon Network to cut out a third of Kyurem vs. The Sword of Justice!

I was the one who said making a Mewtwo Girl would be a good idea!

I was the one who created the Plot Hole that sucked up Keldeo!

I even knew that Damos was innocent all along!

I'm a sick sadist who relishes abusing his power and playing God! PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP!

_(Finally, to Arceus' relief, that one passage that had been playing over and over again while he confessed/had a mental breakdown finally ended. Arceus let out a sigh of relief, while Mew, who had been hiding behind a wall and was holding a tape recorder, flew off giggling like a madmon.)_

* * *

_Ash looked behind him. His eyes widened to see may at the doorway with a smirk on her face looking back at him her hands were on her hips and she was tapping her foot on the soft carpet. Pikachu was on her shoulder smiling deviously at him._

_"Umm h-hi may how did you get back so soon?" Ash said hiding the book behind his back. His face was burning by the second. May on the other hand looked amused at the boys behavior._

_"Me and pikachu came back, because I forgot my money in my room" she looked around and stared at him again the smirk never leaving her face. "Do you really think I would leave my diary at open view for someone to read?"_

_"Diary? W-what diary?"_

* * *

Subtly? What Subtly?

* * *

_"Cut the act ash I know you were reading it, I was actually hoping you would"_

_Ash caught red-handed he sighed. "Why?"_

_"It was a prank it seems you fell for it. I also learned that I'm the most prettiest girl you know!"_

* * *

How was that a prank!? All you did was leave out a diary and beg for someone to open it. A prank actually has to be clever, and cause some form of misery.

_(Arceus suddenly shuddered as he started to recall a memory.)_

* * *

"Arcy!" Mew shouted as she flew into the hall, where Arceus was reading an old book. Arceus looked up from the worn out tome, to see Mew floating over to him. "I got your bath running, just how you specified."

"Thank you, Mew." Arceus started, his face (or lack thereof) brightening. "This ought to help my tired muscles. To be honest, I still can't believe you had it in you to do something like this for me." Arceus then got up from his resting position and hovered out of the room, not noticing Mew giggling like a giddy child whilst holding up a bottle of pink dye.

* * *

That was not even the tip of the iceberg.

* * *

Arceus was resting atop of Infinite Tower, gazing over the peaceful paradise that he had made. Mew on the other hand, was floating behind him erratically, bored out of her mind.

_"Peace is soooo boring! Maybe I can shake things up a bit..."_

Mew then floated away from the tower, somehow avoiding Arceus' detection, and descended into Dragnor. Utilizing her Psychic powers, she cloaked herself from the presence of the humans around her, before she noticed the young warlord in the town square. A devious thought began to form in her head, and she used her powers to project the illusion of an elderly monk near him.

"My lord." Mew had the vision say. The warlord stopped and turned to face the believable façade.

"There is an old legend: A Pokémon of great power resides within that tower," she then had the illusion point to the gateless Infinite Tower. "And if you unite the region it will appear." To add credence to the fabrication, she dissipated the illusion right as a passerby walked in front of it, leaving a flabbergasted and fascinated warlord behind. Said man ran off to his castle, while Mew only laughed manically.

_"I can't wait to see the look on Arcy's face when he learns about the "legend". He'll probably go along with it just to save face."_

* * *

And then there was the worst;

* * *

Arceus' sleep-deprived eyes darted neurotically from one wall, to another, then to the door.

_"She can't prank me in here! Every year she pulls a prank on this accursed day, but not this year! Not even Mew would be stupid enough to enter my chambers and I'll stay up all night if I have to make sure of that!"_

* * *

The horror...

_(Arceus then shook his head.)_

Regardless, those were pranks. Leaving a book open for someone to read so you can confess your feelings in the most cliché manner possible is not one of them.

* * *

_Oh you heard that?" He asked blushing deep red._

_"Mhmm...so umm is that true?" She asked blushing._

_Ash was surprised at her question "u-uhh umm...*sigh* yeah...may you are the most beautiful girl I've ever known and I've been keeping this secret from you for far to long fearing rejection. May?"_

_"Yeah ash?" She said with happiness in her voice._

_"I liked you ever since we first met I just never told you. Its okay if you don't feel the same"_

_"Ash the boy I was talking about in the diary...its you" she finally said to him._

* * *

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.) _

Come now, _Fox and Krystal's_ relationship is more believable than this. Heck; _Hideyoshi _is probably more genuine with his relationships than this.

* * *

_Ash looked at her in disbelief. "It was me?"_

* * *

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

No, the King of Pokelantis... YES YOU! This and most of the following lines of dialogue are more irrelevant than a Rube Goldberg machine, so I'll just skip to the finishing cliché.

* * *

_"Ash? "_

_"Yeah may?"_

_"I love you"_

_"I love you to" He said and lifted her head making her star at him he then connected his lips with hers and sealed their relationship with a kiss._

* * *

And with that, this horrific story is through. This is... ugh. It's worse than Three N Times Life, It's worse than Vegeta at Jubilife, It's worse than Too Much H2O, It's worse than The Secret_ and _Genesect's wii u! I could have rewritten the entire story like this:

* * *

Once upon a clichéd time, there was a boy named Ash and a girl named May. One day May told Ash she loved him, they kissed and lived happily ever after. Oh, and Pikachu was there too.

* * *

And it still would have been better since it actually uses punctuation and capitalization! In fact, if I eviscerated this story it still would be the same!

_(Arceus let out a deep, near feral, growl.)_

And then there's this abomination:

* * *

_In large black letters said You just got trolled! Whoever read this look behind you!._

* * *

_(Arceus exhaled in a stupefied manner, while his eye began to twitch uncontrollably again.)_

I- That is simply the most idiotic line I have ever read. I would be hard pressed to find something to top this. After reading this, I think I need a break from reviewing for a while, for the sake of my sanity, and yours. Farewell.

* * *

**The End**

_**Credits:**_

_Up_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky_

_Gods and Mortals by ARCEUS-master_

_Nostalgia Critic - Food Fight_

_Pokémon __Conquest_

_Star Fox_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season One_

_Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_The Angry Bug Show_

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

Well, I'll be taking a short break from reviewing now. While I did want Arceus to make an early comeback for my two year anniversary of being here, I also do have other stories. But if I managed to churn out seven chapters in one month (a personal record), I should be able to come back relatively soon.

Anyways, this was originally supposed to be about six hundred words longer, with an entire skit at the end about how Arceus had a mental breakdown from reading this and nearly destroyed the fabric of reality, only to be saved by Mew, Palkia and Dialga, but I decided that would be going over the top too much. If you guys want to see it, I could post it as an extra sometime down the road.

As for Arceus' other breakdown scene, he didn't do all or any of that, I just think he was getting increasingly desperate. But while I was writing that, I realized something: Gen V stunk.

In the meantime till Arceus returns, if you want to read something else involving Arceus, I would highly recommend _Nine in the Afternoon _by Glory For Sleep and _Gods and Mortals _by ARCEUS-master. Those two have to be not only the best stories involving Arceus I have read, but some of the best on this site.


	8. The Dark Blessing

**Note from the Author:**

Ten days and I'm back already!? Oh well, I'm not complaining.

This review will be done in the style of an Honest Trailer, since I want my first real review of an actual story to be Hoenn Master96's _The Chronicles of the Aura Knights _(which will take a little while longer to finish), and because I think this is too great of an opportunity to pass up. If you saw the mock trailer parody back in my review of _Let It Pass, _then this should be pretty easy to understand since it follows the same structure. And don't worry, I made this with Ryu Taylor's 'blessing'...

_(The author immediately dives to avoid a barrage of tomatoes and their accompanying heckles.)_

* * *

Mew flew into Arceus' study like her tail was on fire, and quickly looked over her shoulder before gazing at his computer.

"I can't believe he shot down my suggestion to do a review of _The_ _Dark Blessing_! So what if Genesect's done it already..." Mew then glanced back up at the machine, and slowly flew over to it, the feline-like Legendary feeling a pit begin to form in her stomach.

_"Why am I so hesitant suddenly?"_ she thought to herself. _"I know I have a failsafe in case Arceus interrupts..."_

Mew then glanced down to the tape recorder that she held in her right paw, then back to the device as a horrifying conclusion came to mind. _"No... It can't be... Have I grown a conscience!?" _As quickly as the sensation came into her mind, it left even quicker.

"Nah. Let's get this review started!" She cheered, but not loudly enough to give away her location. Mew then developed a slight frown at another realization. "Still; I won't have much time, so I think I'll have to do this review in a... unorthodox way."

The Psychic Legendary then quickly turned on the computer and started looking through its functions.

"Since Mewtwo made this, I'm sure it can make movies. But I bet Arceus wouldn't know how to use it. Here it is!" she exclaimed in a sickeningly happy voice before going to work.

* * *

_(A rather deep voice began to speak as the screen went blank before changing to the rating card.)_

**The following trailer is rated "S", for satire.**

_(Following this, the screen went black before counting down in an old fashioned cinema style.)_

**From the author who became public enemy number one to Bronies everywhere, comes the first story in a Saga that put almost every other Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction on suicide alert:**

**"Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - The Dark Blessing" by Ryu Taylor the Ferret**

**Before you read the two sequels filled with music suggestions that quickly go out of style (seriously; there are hundreds of pieces of classical music. Just pick some of them, they still hold up after centuries), or the Q &amp; A that delved into the inner workings of the saga; relive the thrilling adventure of the story that started it all.**

**Join Pugno and Pelame; two Pokémon who happen to be the most chosen species in the Mystery Dungeon franchise, and their battle against Unod: a villain who makes more comebacks than Revan.**

_"Is that it?" Celebi asked. "Is Unod FINALLY dead yet?"_

**Watch as Pugno and Pelame valiantly struggle against an enemy who kills off more characters than 24, but completely forget about the one item that can level the playing field.**

_The next day, while on a rescue mission at the Drenched Bluff, Pugno tried out the new Space Globe. It raised all of his stats to their maximum, and he could tell, especially after it caused his Aura Sphere attack to take out a chunk of a ceiling of Drenched Bluff courtesy of a Lileep that moved too quickly._

_"From the beach. I had Lapras take me to the foot of the bluff, and then I dove down and found the source of the fountain. Then I just placed the Space Globe in a spot where the flow won't move it in any direction."_

**Feel the shivers down your spine as you witness the "Dark Blessing"; a grab bag of superpowers that gets more ridiculous and overpowered as the story progress, which includes, but is not limited to:**

**Diabolical Acting: **

_"The power of the Demon Type is my reward for accepting the 'Dark Blessing,'" Crobat cackled. "Now nothing can stop me! Least of all, you little nothings! Wicked Ball!"_

_"What do mean 'would've been?'" Unod taunted. "YOU'RE ALL GONERS!"_

**Cremation:**

_Before anything could be said, Crobat's corpse suddenly caught fire, as did the corpses of the other dead Pokémon in the clearing. In seconds, the pitch-black flames reduced the bodies to nothing. Not even ashes remained._

_Loyal's body caught fire. In a few seconds, the pitch-black flames destroyed her body, not even leaving ashes behind._

_Cresselia's dead body caught fire and burned up instantly, not even leaving ashes behind. _

**Guilt Trips:**

_"It was her own fault for trusting you, Grovie,"_

_"He didn't though. You know that betrayal of trust is to be punished, so punish him now while you have the chance!"_

_"Oh, I know, Pugno," Unod said. "Yet, as hard as this may be to believe, you're the most heinous exploiter of trust in front of me right now."_

**Sound Effects from Looney Tunes:**

_With the sound of a laser and a gunshot going off simultaneously, the three Starly children died instantly._

**D****eus Ex Machinas:**

_No one else could utter a word. They were absolutely stunned that Unod was apparently still alive._

**And Lethargy:**

_Suddenly, the assailant unleashed a move that did something strange to the three remaining Teammates. After the world went dark for a split-second, the Teammates felt as though they had suffered every single status ailment simultaneously._

**Then there's Unod, the ultimate Pokémon Mystery Dungeon villain; someone so overpowered, she makes Brawl-Era Meta Knight look like a Magikarp. ****A creature so nihilistic, she goes on a homicidal rampage for the sake of it, but would rather play mind games with the main characters instead of killing them. **

**But rather than using her powers to kill the protagonists before they can defeat her, she just rips off Darkrai and tries to get Pelame to give up via dreams. And she spares Team Skull. And she lets Grovyle and the Guild Members live. And she lets that Meowth and Ditto live. And she gives her power to dozens of Pokémon instead of killing them.**

** For someone so hell-bent on erasing all life, she sure seems to let a lot of people live, even if they'll all just die in the end. But that doesn't matter, because she has a plan so needlessly complicated, it will leave you asking questions like:**

_(The scene suddenly changes to Mew, who is sitting down at a table, with a cup of coffee labeled 'Extra Caffeine' in hand.)_

What's stopping her? Since she puts Gen I Psychic Types to shame when it comes to being overpowered, what's keeping her from storming down to the beach and forcing Lapras to take her to the Hidden Land instead of just needlessly complicating things?

Why does she constantly infect Pokémon with the Dark Blessing? Since they're all going to die in the end, then why waste the time, resources and risk the chance of being stopped?

If she revives herself in a more powerful form when she dies, why not just let the army of Exploration Teams kill her and then take them all out when they're gathered in one spot?

If she thinks life is too trivial to be worth living, then why not just kill herself?

If the Dark Blessing can create Space-Time Vortexes, then why not just create one to the Hidden Land? That's presumably how Darkrai got there to sabotage Temporal Tower, and how Team Space-Time gets there as well.

Why not just kill Pelame when she had the chance? She made it perfectly clear she wouldn't accept the Dark Blessing, so why not just take out the biggest threat to your plans when you had the multiple chances to?

And what is her motive? If she wants to erase all life, then why does she focus most of her efforts on Pelame?

_(The scene then changes back to the trailer.)_

**See a climax so intense, it has not one, but _two_ unwarranted Deus Ex Machina's in it. And surprisingly, the Human-turned-Pokémon character _doesn't _pull off either. Huh...**

**Feel the angst as two legendaries and Unod die, only to be told that their deaths were completely pointless since they can all come back after some time has passed. Feel the joy as Pugno finally confess' his feelings to Pelame at the worst possible time, in the worst possible situation, in an attempt to gain sympathy from the most heartless being to have ever lived.**

_"Wow, Pugno," Celebi said. "That was beautiful." She turned to face Unod. "You heard that, right?! He loves her, and it's likely he'll be lost without her!"_

_"I see," Unod admitted. "Then I guess he'll just have to find another Eevee to develop a crush on! It won't be hard; there's hundreds of Eevee's in the world. At least one will sink low enough to return his affections!"_

**And witness an ending so rushed and lazy, that the author almost forgot that the good guys have to win, so he just threw in a Deus Ex Machina out of the blue, quickly wrapped up almost every loose end by destroying the entirety of the Hidden Land, and didn't even bother to try to explain how Dialga was revived, how Pelame could be impaled but walk away with only a few scars, or how time could function without the Temporal Tower. And groan in frustration as it is revealed that, true to almost every Mystery Dungeon story, our heroes can never actually live their lives because there might be a bigger threat out there.**

**So, whenever you have the time to read 35,000 something words, get ready to see one of the most action packed Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories ever made, in all of it's interrupted dialogue glory.**

**Starring:**

**Fox and Krystal**

_"I wish I'd never met you, you little S.O.B!" Pelame shouted._

_"Same to you, you self-centered, trust-breaking hussy!" Pugno shot back._

_With nothing else to say, the two headed down the mountain in separate directions. From their sides, they both took off their Exploration Team badges and threw them at each other. _

**Kreia **

_"Because trust is nothing but a weapon," Unod said. _

**Foreshadowing**

_"Sis, you are going to regret this," the younger Sneasel said._

**Plot Fodder**

_"When I grow up, I want to be an Explorer!" said a young, but tall Sneasel. _

**Dan Green**

_"I will, Loyal," Grovyle said._

**Forward to the Past**

_"Well," Celebi said. "I guess we're staying here for a little while longer. It works out for me; I'm kinda starting to like it here."_

**The Atoner**

_"All is forgiven, Pelame," Dusknoir said. "I've never thought ill of you for your behavior. I think you were justified in being cautious of me. But it's good to see that you're ready to make amends. I wish to apologize, too, for all the wrong I've done to you and your friends. Though I'm late by more than two years in doing so."_

**Stay Puft**

_Guildmaster Wigglytuff said. "Everyone, we're moving out! YOOOOM-TAAAH!"_

**George Costanza**

_Chatot came running frantically around the guild in an absolute panic._

**Loudspeaker**

_"ALLOW me to escort her out!" Loudred shouted, advancing on Sneasel. He then picked her up and took her to the guild's front door. "Stay OUT and SHUT UP!"_

**(That guy should really listen to his own advice.)**

**Team Rocket**

_"Seconded," Skuntank said. "As soon as we give Unod what she deserves, we're going back to the status quo."_

**TIME IN YOUR FAAACE!**

_"YOU AREN'T GOING TO CLAIM MY TOWER!" Dialga declared. "YOU'RE NOT DOING MUCH TO CLAIM IT, ANYWAY!"_

**And the ones everyone forgets**

_"And don't forget us," said the Sableye._

**"Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - The Dark Night"**

**Out Already...**

* * *

As Mew was congratulating herself on a job well done, she failed to notice Arceus floating into the room until his shadow completely engulfed her. She then turned around to see the equine-like Legendary staring down at her, his eyes narrowed in a display of an emotion Mew could not put her paw on.

"What are you doing?"

"Staring at you." Arceus' eyes narrowed even more, this time in a display of barely controlled frustration.

"Move aside." Arceus ordered. He did not even give her the time to float away from the device as, with a simple toss of his head, she was blown away as if being a leaf in the wind. Examining the device and its content, his eyes widened in shock momentarily, before reverting back to their previous state in anger.

"I thought I made it explicitly clear I would not be reviewing _The Dark Blessing_!" Mew crossed her arms and pouted.

"But I made it. Besides Arcy, it's a parody, not a review." Arceus glared at her for her insolence before going back to the machine.

"Semantics. I already rip off Keldeo, the last thing I need is to be a rip off of Genesect. Now, I will be deleting this, and-"

"I guess I would have to play this tape recording to as many Legendaries as I possibly could." Mew interrupted, holding up said device with a false tone of remorse. Arceus looked lazily at her, before disregarding her and going back to his computer.

"You already blackmailed me in Season One, what could you possible have tha-" Mew then pressed the play button, and watched as Arceus' eyes grew wider with each statement in his 'confession'. However, rather than leave and say nothing as she expected him to, he immediately turned and charged at the now terrified pink legendary.

"Relinquish that recorder, NOW!" he bellowed as he dove head first for her at a speed so quick she barely had enough time to dive out of his way. Since it was clear that her plan had gone horribly wrong, Mew quickly teleported out of the room in a burst of light, right before Arceus could corner her.

* * *

Mew reappeared in Spear Pillar below, right in the middle of Palkia and Dialga squabbling over the nature of the space-time fabric and a few other metaphysics that went over her head. Both were surprised to see her and immediately stopped their argument, and were taken aback again when Arceus appeared out of thin air too.

"MEW!" the Legendary in question was so terrified, she squeezed the tape recorder hard enough that it flew out of her hand and into the air. Palkia, being the only other legendary with arms, caught it. Not knowing what else to do, he pressed the play button.

"NO!" both Mew and Arceus cried out, for their own reasons. But it was too late to stop it. To Arceus' surprise, and Mew's horror, due to the fact Mew had not re-winded it from the previous playback, what came out first was not a recording of his confession but the one line that drove him to it. Though his 'confession' started to play in the background, Arceus no longer cared and turned to face Mew. She flew backwards, all the color leaving her face as she saw an unholy rage in Arceus' eyes, one that threatened to do far worse things than just erase her existence.

"_You _were the one who tormented me?" Arceus said in a voice that can be best described as resonating with something worse than murderous intent. Mew did not dare to respond. But before Arceus could act, Dialgia's obnoxiously loud voice rang out.

"YOU KNEW THAT DAMOS WAS INNOCENT?" Arceus turned his head back for a split second to glance sideways at the Legendary of Time. Whether it was to chide him, order him to be silent, or just display frustration, Mew didn't care. She took the one chance she had to live and teleported away before Arceus could stop her. Arceus quickly pursued, leaving Palkia and Dialga more confused than they were before.

* * *

After chasing Mew through four regions, and having to defeat an army of trainers who each wanted their chance to claim the most powerful Pokémon in existence as their own, Arceus had finally given up and decided to head back to the Hall. When he reentered the structure, the sudden stillness and absolute lack of life within it crashed into him with like one of those undefeatable walls.

It had been centuries since Arceus had the Hall of Origin to himself, and he would enjoy every minute of the peace and quite he would get from it. And without Mew interrupting him, he could finally undertake the most ambitious project he had planned. Though part of the Legendary was worried about what sort of havoc the hyperactive furball would leave in her wake, be it direct or indirect, the Mew-weary side of him quickly muzzled any complaints. The first thing on his to-do list was to take a nap, one he knew would go uninterrupted.

* * *

**The End**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Ryu Taylor the Ferret_

_**Credits:**_

_The Angry Bug Show_

_Honest Trailers_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky_

_Knights of the Old Republic_

_24_

_Looney Tunes_

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

_Star Fox_

_Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords_

_Back to the Future_

_TV Tropes_

_Ghostbusters_

_Seinfeld_

_Pokémon_

_Kid Icarus: Uprising_

_The Dark Knight_

* * *

**Another Note from the Author:**

Two A/N's in one chapter!? Oh well... Anyways, I had Mew do this 'review' simply because I could never see Arceus making so many pop culture references. As for my personal opinion on the _Dark Blessing_; it's similar to _Let It Pass_. It starts off really well and is a pretty good idea, but slowly degrades over time until it's just average, and if the author went back and changed around a few things it could be really good. (Though I do have to give it kudos for keeping most of the characters in character, and doing such a good job with portraying Grovyle I could literally find nothing wrong with him.)

Fortunately that's the great thing about Fanfiction; most of the author's here don't have a huge hubris and have the means to go back and polish up their writing if they ever feel like it (that unfortunately is the problem with Fanfiction; most of the authors are somewhat lazy or inconsistent and undedicated), which is exactly what Ryu Taylor will be doing. I imagine his rewrite will void a lot of my criticism.

As for the inevitable question of what will happen to Mew; you'll have to wait to find out. To be honest, the exact nature of hers and Arceus' relationship has managed to still elude me. While it is certainly far from platonic, and nowhere near romantic, it is something like a strange father-daughter/tormented-tormentor/roommate friendship that I can't really describe.


	9. Editorial 3

**Note from the Author:**

I do apologize for how late this got out, but a little, rather insignificant, factor know as Geometry exams kept me from getting this out for about a week and a half later than I wanted. That aside, since I've already strayed off the beaten path of the critic and ventured into parodying Honest Trailers, I might as well start taking pot shots at Watch Mojo (complete with the controversial decisions) and Monty Python, as usual. You can probably fill in the blanks from here.

* * *

Greetings, I am Arceus. I am also very upset. How is it that when Mew reviews something, she gets more reviews than I do!? She's not even in the title! Would it kill all of you to take two minutes to type up some-

* * *

**An Apology from the Author:**

The Author would like to issue an apology for Arceus' rant. He understands that many of the readers are strapped for time and can barely read this story as it is, but due to a mishap with his credits when transferring schools sometimes he forgets that-

* * *

**Another Apology from the Author:**

The Author would like to issue an apology for the previous apology, and the people responsible for it have been sacked. He understands that this story is not about reviews (well, technically it is, but not those kind) or his personal life. And now for something completely different;

* * *

_(Arceus is staring at the screen rather apprehensively.)_

I- I'm sorry about that, as you can probably tell everything is a bit of a mess with-

* * *

**Once Again, Another Apology from the Author:**

The Author would like to apologize for the excessive amount of apologies in this chapter. Furthermore-

_(A gunshot can be heard going off in the background, followed by a wheeze and a thud.)_

* * *

_(Arceus' eye is now twitching as he stares at the screen in irritation.)_

Well, with that out of the way, perhaps I can actually get to the point of this chapter. Today, I would like to talk about the people behind the stories; the authors. Specifically, I would like to talk about the ones who I consider to be the eleven greatest amongst Pokémon Fanfiction and their magnum opus'. Now, I have done some extensive reading, and have based my choices on an author's influence, quality, creativity and originality, and have based my selections and placements on that criteria rather than my own personal opinions to remain as impartial as possible.

Notice I did not include popularity amongst that list of criteria, because if I did chances are that we would be seeing authors like Fiery Fafar, MewLover54, and, heaven forbid I put the Adam Sandler of Fanfiction on this list; Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus (who is just as ancient as his name implies). That's not to say these author's aren't popular though. I do know that not all of you will agree with my choices, so that is why I have included a honorable mentions section before number one. No, that's not copying any sort of format at all, how dare you accuse me of being a rip off!

_(The title and summary of the story promptly drops down behind Arceus on a giant banner, which he responds to by flinging it aside with his vaguely defined mental powers.)_

Now, and hopefully without any further ado, I present:

**Arceus the Critic**

**The Eleven Greatest Authors of Pokemon Fanfiction**

* * *

Why Eleven? Because, due to complications with the grading system I used, I was in need of an extra slot. That, and the confirmation bias.

Do keep in mind that not all of these authors write only Pokémon, and what I put as their Magnum Opus' will be only out of their stories dealing with Pokémon. I will warn you that there will be spoilers in the following.

**Number 11: Gerbilftw**

_Grade:_

Influence: 7

Quality: 5

Creativity: 6

Originality: 8

Total: 26

Now, despite a relatively short, two year tenure on Fanfiction (technically three years, but he didn't begin to write until 2010), Gerbilftw can be said to have been to have been one of the most influential authors on the fandom's perception of Ash, primarily being one of the first writers of the 'Dark/Betrayed Ash' persona. Or as I like to call it; Ashhole syndrome.

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

Yes, I know it's a bad pun.

* * *

_(Arceus looked irately at the screen, but carried on.)_

Regardless of the rather bad reputation this angle has received in recent years, primarily because almost every starry-eyed hotshot author wants to try to recreate the popularity of _The Champion is Never Forgotten_ and _The Betrayed Champion_ for themselves, Gerbilftw can be said to have been the best at writing it, despite only using it in two of his stories.

It could also be said that he is one of the most recognizable Advanceshippers, and all of his Advanceshipping stories, despite all three being under twenty chapters, are some of the most popular on Fanfiction. What is even more amazing is that he managed to write (or upload) nearly three hundred thousand words over the course of a single year, completing three of his four stories in a matter of nine months before taking two years two finish his final project. Ultimately he finished writing that and Fanfiction just two days after the two year anniversary of publishing his first story.

Most of his stories would usually include some form of Ash shipping, quite a bit of angst and development from that, more than a few flashbacks and a noticable share of minor grammatical errors (though this can be attributed to him being Swedish), that tended to develop a darker and somewhat more somber tone than what one would usually expect out of romance. This was the result of a desire to be original in his approaches. Ironically enough, because of that originality, he became popular and that led to multiple writers absconding with some of his ideas; resulting in many of them becoming overused and poorly executed (and hence the high marks for originality when his ideas are now some of the most commonly used).

_Magnum Opus: The Aura is with the Forgotten_

_Summary: AU, during the medieval ages. Ash was born in a poor and simple town... But after several drastic events, his life's going to take a completely new direction as his past will get to him, the past of the Aura... Slight OOC possible pearlshipping Ash/Dawn_

Now, if you are familiar with his works, I imagine you're wondering why I didn't put _The Champion is Never Forgotten_ as his magnum opus. It's undeniably his most popular, and arguably the epitome of the Dark Ash persona stories; Ash suffered through a series of increasingly traumatic events, such as his mother dying, and losing the title of Champion because he went to see May, only for her to break up with him, resulting in him slowly cutting himself off from the world and everyone else who hadn't already abandoned him. He later became proficient at using Aura, and ultimately morphed into a bitter, pessimistic, violent, and still somewhat immature character.

Let me explain why I wouldn't consider it to be his best; Ashhole syndrome, when written well and under the right circumstances, can be a very powerful literary device. However; Gerbilftw writes it so well it becomes almost smothering. Granted Ash starts to lighten up near the end, it still is prominent to the point where it can overshadow quite a bit in the story.

Rather, I would say his best story is, ironically enough, the only one where romance is relatively unimportant. _The Aura is with the Forgotten _can be said to have been the Medieval-setting Pokémon story to have set the precedent for the others that followed. What really made this story stand out to me, though, were two things; the first being Ash.

While there is a bit of a Dark Ash persona, it is not as prominent in his other stories, allowing for a bit more character development in Ash, not to mention displaying his multiple flaws as flaws. He's headstrong, stubborn, somewhat dense, and a bit shortsighted. He mellows out somewhat throughout the story, but still ends up killing Paul in the end and risking a war between two regions rather than settling things peacefully. That said, it is incredibly entertaining to see him fight a Gyrados. The second thing that stood out to me is the story's open ending. Nando is relating the entire story to his children, and when the obvious question of who Ash loved comes up, said character interrupts, leaving that question and his own fate after the story to the reader's imagination. Ultimately, the fact that this story was the first of it's kind, in addition to being open ended, can leave it as a questionable Magnum Opus.

**Number 10: Saphroneth**

_Grade:_

Influence: 2

Quality: 10

Creativity: 9

Originality: 7

Total: 28

You may be familiar with him. You may not. Either way, Saphroneth has shown an incredible ability to create a humorous synopsis out of something that should be serious, as well as maintain a solid plot and incredible character. I might as well as just move on to the Magnum Opus for reasons I shall divulge in my future utterances.

_Magnum Opus: Ashes of the Past_

_Summary: Time travel, based on the Anime. So, the world ended. That's bad news. Who best to get to fix it? Well, there is this guy with a track record in world saving... Not entirely serious. T rating may be overdoing it._

There's not really any room to argue with me on my decision, primarily because this is his only Pokémon story. And this story is good enough that it put him on the list. Regardless, you might be more familiar with his one work in Pokemon. I would actually be surprised if you had not heard of this story or seen it in passing, considering it is one of the most popular on this website.

In essence, the synopsis is that Cyrus succeeds in his goal of recreating the world in his image. Well, I don't like that too much, so I decide to give the responsibility of going back in time to stop Cyrus to the most competent, skilled and driven person I can find. Unfortunately there's no one like that around, so I just chose Ash.

From that point on, Saphroneth has begun a complete rewrite of the anime that has been going on for three years (and is currently in Johto) that, despite being one of the most serious synopsis' on fanfiction, is actually very humorous and tongue-in-cheek. So while Ash is traveling around, restoring the memories of his old companions, avoiding many of the idiotic and unfortunate mistakes that befell him and finally training his Pokémon to the level of expertise they should be in the current anime, me, two of my sons, two clones of them I created later in the story and Sir Aaron are stuck in a pocket dimension with nothing to do but play board games and break the fourth wall. But eventually we run out of both, so I decide to create a 'Three Legged Legendary Pokémon Race'. But since that doesn't go so well, I just shoehorn Aaron into being a playable character in Capcom's ludicrous Samurai Warriors knock off and later Pokémon Conquest. It gets hammier:

Ash is capable of using Aura and a few Pokémon Moves and is later revealed to be a descendant of Sir Aaron, Charizard's Blast Burn is the equivalent of a nuclear explosion, Meowth becomes a Ninja and Jessie and James become somewhat competent executives that actually help Ash out every once in a while, Brock fights off an army of Unknown with a crowbar, Mega Evolution and the Fairy Type are revealed to have been a result of Ash's tampering with the timeline, it's also revealed that Lorelei is the author of all the Prima Strategy Guides, the Pokedexes become sentient, Hunter J comes in about two and a half regions early, the Squirtle are anime fanatics, Ash gets trained by a Lucario, Wobbufett is a tornado of puns, Mewtwo is still Mewtwo, James gets an Abra that is the Pokémon version Hanbei with fourth wall breaks, and Ash gets cast as Genghis Khan in a movie. Oh, spoilers, by the way.

This story has well deserved its place as one of Fanfiction's most popular, even unfinished. With arguably one of the most ambitious synopsis', that also happens to be one of the more unique ones, as well as clever and hilarious humor (and more than a few inside jokes) interspersed with vivid action and intriguing character, this story alone was enough to earn Saphroneth his place among the greats.

**Number 9: Matthais Unidostres**

_Grade:_

Influence: 8

Quality: 6

Creativity: 6

Originality: 9

Total: 29

I think we all knew he was getting on this list. But, then again, how could I not put him on here? He _is _the Weird Al of Pokémon Fanfiction, after all.

A master of parody and analysis, he was essentially the progenitor of fusing Pokémon and various web shows together, not to mention being able to indirectly teach a large number of authors and readers how to look at something critically. Originally he started out writing mainly for Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's and My Little Pony, but stumbled upon something larger than he could have possibly imagined, at that time, when he published Keldeo the Critic.

Ironically enough, despite everything Keldeo became over the course of three years, he was originally met with indifference to outright disappointment. Another interesting fact that very few people know, is that Keldeo was not the original critic. Zorua actually came out a month before him, but we still have to give Keldeo credit for popularizing something so original and surreal that it has managed to spawn a number of rip-offs, primarily yours truly.

It really wasn't until DragonNiro and AuraWielder discovered the Critic that it really managed to kick off, and from that point on Matthais became relatively famous for his witty, not so subtle, and sometimes-subtle-to-the-point-of-going-right-over-your-head parodies and satires, that ranged from making fun of clichés, to perceptions, to pairings, and even to entire genres. And the rants, which were probably the most defining feature of his early career before his review of _Nine in the Afternoon_.

Ultimately; time passed, and Matthais set up a number of other parodies and critics, as well as managing to inspire a handful of other critics, and ultimately became respected and even revered, for his opinion, analysis' and ability to make the former two humorous and entertaining. While he also wrote a number of stories dealing with Romance and Family, as well as few that were utterly bizarre, it was his parodies of Doug Walker and Rap Battles that caused him to develop a cult following. Though I doubt he'd approve of the term being used in reference to him.

_Magnum Opus: Keldeo the Critic- Season Two_

_Summary: He's Keldeo the Critic, and he's back to reviewing Pokemon Fanfiction when he's not training with the Swords of Justice. Oh don't worry, his movie is still coming, but that's FAR in the future. For now, Keldeo is going to take his time, reviewing a story or two a month while doing a few editorials, maybe. There will stiil NOT be any bashing or ranting._

_(Arceus sighed nostalgically, red eyes tilted upwards.)_

Ah, broken promises...

_(Arceus then cleared his throat and refocused his attention at the screen.)_

While many of you may argue that Season Three was the best, and I will concede it had the most luster and arguably the best review, it is a foregone conclusion in my mind as to what season was the zenith of Keldeo's career. The reason being that I do not believe Season Three was the best is not as simple as it sounds; it was the way he formatted the reviews. Strange, I'll admit, but I believe some explanations are due.

You see, back in Season One, Keldeo reviewed AuraWielder's first epic; _Breaking the Chains_, a story nearly fifty thousand words long, over the course of five chapters. In Season Three, he reviewed _A Guardians Princess_, a story nearly one hundred thousand words long, in only two chapters. Now, just think about the proportions for a second. The _Breaking the Chains_ review boils down to nearly covering about ten thousands words per chapter, whereas the _A Guardians Princess_ review averages nearly fifty thousand words per chapter. Now, given the fact that Season Three doesn't breach the fifty thousand word mark, it's clear that his review had to cut out a lot of content to squeeze such a story into two chapters, whereas he was able to cover much more of _Breaking the Chains_ because of splitting it into fifths.

This was not the only reason why Season Two is, in my opinion, the best. It's actually notable that Keldeo did not review any truly massive stories during this period, and more consistently reviewed one-shots and shorter stories, allowing for more character development for the critic himself and a closer examination of the story due to its smaller scope. Had _Mew's Stupid Adventure _been excruciatingly large, chances were Keldeo would have never concluded it was purposefully trying to be stupid and derive a unique flavor from that, because he probably would have gotten fed up with it. Also, I feel that there was much more insight into the various other Pokémon-related topics, primarily the side games and the anime, than in the other Seasons that allowed for a better oversight of Pokémon in general. One could say Season Two was the most rounded and insightful, which means that it served its purpose the best. The brilliant comedy was a bonus that gave it character, and kept it from sounding like nothing more than another college lect- wait a minute...

_(The screen went to static for a moment before a very loud crash rang out. When the screen returned to normal, a ton of bricks can be seen strewn about the floor of Arceus' study, presumably what was left of a wall.)_

Please ignore the mess. Regardless, I believe it to be clear that Matthais has well earned his place on the list, primarily for his ability to create an entire sub-genre.

**Number 8: EchidnaPower**

_Grade: _

Influence: 8

Quality: 7

Creativity: 8

Originality: 7

Total: 30

EchidnaPower, one of the most notable Pokeshippers in fanfiction, and in my opinion, the one with the most finesse. Also notable as an author who has very strict standards for his writings, ensuring they are both the best they can be and friendly for all ages, EchidnaPower can also be said to stay closest to the spirit and target demographic of Pokémon, which is certainly something admirable, especially given the quality of his stories. I might as well as just head on to his painfully obvious magnum opus.

_Mangum Opus: AAML: Diamond and Pearl version_

_Summary: Follow me as I remake the DP episodes in order and in sequence, all so I can add the biggest star besides Ash himself. Misty! Watch her and Ash's love grow as they go on their journey. A Pokeshipping series. Also includes Penguinshipping, Handymanshipping, slight mentions of Contestshipping, and a Brock shipping to be named later. Oh yeah, there's PikachuXBuneary here too._

This was the story that started the entire 'My retelling of the Pokémon Anime if Ash and X went to X region' plot craze due to it's success_._

Though putting Misty on the bus is considered to be one of the best things the anime has done by both me and Coli Chibi, EchidnaPower disagreed and has taken it upon himself to recreate the _entire_ Diamond and Pearl anime with Misty in it, and this story is the fruit of that ambition. Easily one of the most notable and popular Pokeshipping stories, it portrays an enjoyable, vivid retelling of childhood memories, while both changing multiple aspects and staying true to the spirit and plot of the story we all remember. I cannot say much more, despite the size of this story, simply because what is outstanding about it speaks for itself.

**Number 7: AuraWielder**

_Grade:_

Influence: 9

Quality: 6

Creativity: 8

Originality: 8

Total: 31

He wasn't put on this list for _Pokémon World Tour, _I can guarantee you that much. More so for his many epics; such as _Breaking the Chains, Slaves and Soldiers, _and _Conquering the Dark, _all of which take a much darker look at the villainous Pokémon organizations and usually involve redemption and sacrifice of some kind, in addition to making use of quite a bit of suspense.

He originally started out on Fanfiction in the summer of 2011, and a mere two days in he already published what would be the first of his great success'; _Breaking the Chains._ Picking up on the massive popularity of Lucario in the last days of Generation IV, he established what would eventually become one of the most recognized Christian stories on this website (partly due to Keldeo), though it would not be until the fall of 2011 when his popularity would start to pick up, mainly due to a little explosion of insanity known only as _Pokémon World Tour_. From that point on, he gained momentum and managed to create a well maintained balancing act of character development, action and tragedy on one side, while using (primarily) crude humor to balance it out on the other. Add that to the fact he was one of the original Authors to completely disregard the language barrier in Human-Pokémon interactions, which allowed for a shocking amount of depth to many of the characters he created, and you have a recipe for stories good enough to be considered novels in their own right.

However, what truly cemented his place on this list was not his surprisingly deep epics (though they were the primary factor), but the influence he had on the perception of the Legendary Pokémon. _Pokémon World Tour_ is, by far, his most popular story, and is the second most popular story in all of its character categories (save the Arceus category, where it places fifth based on reviews), and thus would have a very large effect on how the fandom sees the Legendaries in terms of genders and personalities. Though I do find it ironic that an author who denounces stereotypes, via those long lists that can be seen on many profiles, inadvertently spreads them due to his writings.

* * *

**Another Note from the Author (In the middle of the chapter!?):**

It is important note that AuraWielder was influenced by Blazing Sceptile's portrayals, who in turn was influenced by SilverUmbra's, and is just the most popular in a line of succession. But because of the former two, a large portion of the fandom either views Arceus as female, or can easily envision him as being such.

* * *

_(Arceus is glaring at the screen, clearly less than pleased about being interrupted.)_

If I may continue.

You have AuraWielder to thank for popularizing me being portrayed as a woman, in addition to bringing to the forefront the hyperactive Mew persona, Darkrai being less psychopathic and more depressed, and Palkia being Ash-level dense, not to mention half of the Legendaries' genders and the concept of all the Legendary Pokémon living at the Hall. Overall, whether or not you agree with his rather... _questionable _tastes, it is undeniable his place on this list is more than well deserved. A final consistency in his stories, though I am uncertain as to whether this is good or not, is the fact that it will _always_ get worse for the protagonists. This was even lampooned multiple times in _Pokémon World Tour_.

_Magnum Opus: Slaves and Soldiers_

_Summary: Entei. Suicune. I've lost them. You don't truly know what it means to have something until it's gone. Then you're captured by Team Rocket and forced to work for them against your will. And I've met quite a ragged band of Pokemon among them: A Typhlosion cyborg, a kindhearted Infernape, and a gadget genius Zekrom. The cards life hands you can change everything you know and love..._

This was probably one of the more difficult decisions I had to make in determining the best story, and I imagine it will probably be one of the more controversial. I know that quite a bit of people enjoy _Breaking the Chains, _and that _Conquering the Dark _and_ Turnabout Legend _are shaping up to be his best, but as of right now, the story that has the most polish would be _Slaves and Soldiers. _It doesn't suffer from the jump in quality that his first epic did, and I wouldn't say it to be as ambitious as _Conquering the Dark_ is either, but that would not necessarily detract from the story.

The premise of the summary is essentially that Raikou gets captured by Team Rocket, as mentioned above, and has to survive working for them while plotting his escape with his other prisoners. Over the course of this story he ultimately gets turned into a cyborg, nearly gets killed by a crazy cult on multiple occasions, and has to survive every horror Giovanni is willing to throw at him. I won't say any more on the subject, but there's more than enough suspense, action and mechanical monstrosities to qualify this as AuraWielder's best work (so far), though I would say that it is the character development that truly gets it it's spot. After having to endure so much at the hands of Team Rocket, one sees Raikou slowly change from a prideful, headstrong and arrogant Legend into a humble and somewhat sympathetic Pokémon that is more glad to see his old trainer and family than anything else.

Ultimately, a consistent combination of good action scenes, excellent character development, a few moral lessons, plot twists, and a signature crude humor have earned AuraWielder his spot on the list.

**Number 6: Hope Estheim**

_Grade:_

Influence: 8

Quality: 7

Creativity: 9

Originality: 9

Total: 33

Whether or not you like it, it is an undeniable fact that Ferriswheelshipping is one of the most popular Pokémon shippings, and arguably the most popular non-Anime shipping, and Hope Estheim is the quintessential Ferriswheelshipper. There's not much more to say about her as an author, given the fact that she only has five Pokémon stories, all of which deal with the same subject, so I might as well just jump to the obvious chase that best displays her skills.

_Magnum Opus: Eden_

_Summary: N has defeated White. His dreams were more powerful and now rules Unova. But he didn't plan on letting White go. No, he was much too interested for her to be free.. NxWhite, possible side pairings/one-sided. Possible lemons. Language._

Before I begin my discussion about this story, I want to say something: I do not like this story. Why is it on here then? Simple; as I stated earlier, I have to judge on merit, not on opinion. Do I think it is overrated? Yes, granted all shipping-centric stories usually are, due to Fanfiction's demographics. Do I think it would have been a lot better without much of the material that made it M? Again, yes, but to be fair, it probably would have ended up very similar to _The Prince and I_. Do I think it is a bad story in light of that? No.

There is a reason that _Eden_, with only half the chapters of Texas Longhorn's _A New Journey, _has nearly the same amount of reviews as it (+2000). Noticeably Darker and Edgier, though nowhere near the inconsolable level of Ri2, it was one of the two stories that popularized the ultimate 'what-if' scenario in Pokémon; 'White/Hilda/Touko loses to N'. From there the story diverges, exploring a Unova under the tyrannical rule of Team Plasma, the banishment of Pokémon Trainers, and after a failed final stand, Touko's life as N's queen and the internal politics of Team Plasma, her own conflicted feelings over her sense of justice and emotions, and finally the fall of Plasma. In a way, it can be summed up as a cross between an Orwell novel and a romance. Personally, I would recommend _The Prince and_ I, which can essentially be considered a lighter, more family oriented version of _Eden, _in terms of a story with this synopsis, but I won't deny that this story, warts and all, is deserving of its place as one of the most popular either, and was enough to cement Hope Estheim's place among the greats.

**Number 5: Traveling Trainer**

_Grade:_

Influence: 5

Quality: 10

Creativity: 9

Originality: 10

Total: 34

Traveling Trainer can be said to be the best writer of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon; utilizing vivid descriptions, brilliant characterization and, curiously, Unova Pokémon in almost all of his PMD stories. What makes him noticeable though, is the fact that he has never written a rehashed version of the main story. In fact, most of his Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories are either one shots that alternate between romance, humor or angst (or all three), and he only has three real Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories. But it's his originality and literary capabilities that make him stand out amongst the throngs of the other PMD writers, and other writers in general.

_Magnum Opus: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: To Live_

_Summary: Flung into a future where time flows freely, Grovyle, Celebi and Dusknoir find themselves in a lively land of ice and snow. Given a second chance to live, how will the trio readjust to a normal life in a new world after years of battling against the darkness? With new friends and foes around the corner, it may not be as simple as they think._

Please ignore the oxymoron in the first sentence of the summary.

If any of you are familiar with this story, you'll know why it's on this list. This is probably the most original, well written, and probably underrated, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon story on fanfiction. Most Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories will either be a simple retelling of the main story, or a continuation to the Post Game where the characters are forced to fight a Mary Stu-ish threat that's worse than Darkrai. Traveling Trainer not only goes against this cliché, but actually goes in the exact opposite direction in _Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: To Live_.

The story is what the name and summary implies it to be; Grovyle, Dusknoir and Celebi learning to become accustomed and enjoy their lives now that time flows freely. Now, I imagine that someone would believe it to be mundane and dull from a simple glace at the summary, but Traveling Trainer writes in such a manner that the usually mundane manages to become interesting, foreign and even entertaining and exciting. What's more is that it focus' on the trio from the future; characters who played an important role in the games (well, two out of three), but are usually neglected in stories that don't directly deal with them or the main story of the game, allowing for an interesting delve into their psyche's, the occasional flashback to the way the future used to be, and their own perspectives at life itself. After everything those three had to endure, including defeating a mad legendary, being faced with the reality of erasure, being pursued by countless Pokémon on multiple occasions, not to mention having been thrown into a world radically different from the one they had lived in their entire lives, it's enjoyable and a breath of fresh air to simply read about them adapting to their new lives and home (albeit still in something of a wasteland) and not be thrown into another grand adventure.

The sheer amount of creativity, and an ability to make the mundane exciting through excellent descriptions and dynamic personalities was more than enough to get Traveling Trainer his place on this list.

**Number 4: SilverUmbra**

_Grade:_

Influence: 6

Quality: 9

Creativity: 10

Originality: 10

Total: 35

Ah, SilverUmbra... One of the most influential Authors who almost everyone forgot about.

She could have been said to be the _Brawl in the Family _of Fanfiction; a wacky, silly, usually lighthearted, but sometimes dark writer who influenced quite a bit of early perceptions about the Legendary Pokémon, particularly the Generation IV Legendaries, during a time when Pokémon Fanfiction was booming. To give you an idea as to how much of a pioneering author she was; she first joined in 2007, two months before Glory for Sleep did, wrote the first LunarEclipseshipping story, and coined the term Midnightshipping before the former came about and supplanted it as the common term.

What is even more curious about SilverUmbra was that she herself never consistently stuck to one shipping, though there were many she preferred, not to mention a few consistencies in almost all of her stories. Namely; Darkrai and Cresselia were incredibly violently and constantly tried to kill each other in the most creative ways possible, with the former also being tactless, Registeel was female, insane, plotted world domination and only old reruns of _Lost_ could appease her, I was female, all the legendaries enjoyed television, many drank coffee, and Latias was Latias.

_The Meeting, _which was by far her most popular story, can be considered as something of a spiritual precursor to _Pokémon World Tour, _sans the Generation V Legendaries, in addition to being a bit friendlier and funnier, and somehow both more crazy and tame at the same time. This... insanity... would be the most recurring theme throughout most of her stories, which would usually result in many comical situations and lines, though it was consistently well written to ensure it would not dissolve into nonsense. She rarely had any pretenses about trying to take herself seriously, which would allow for her to draw out the most of hilarious and ridiculous sides of the Legendaries, and most of her writing could simply be summed up in two words: Insanity Ensues.

Though her legacy has lasted and discreetly spread far further than most people know, most likely herself included seeing as she left in 2010, her popularity never grew to match it due to one simple, but massive slip up; only one of her stories have character categories. I have no idea why she never included them or went back to add them in, including well after the characters had been added or after she published her last story, but it proved to slowly choke her writings in an ever increasing sea of new stories which became increasingly difficult to navigate, and was also the reason why I could not give her full marks for influence.

_Magnum Opus: Mine!_

_Summary: Due to Palkia's incompetence with his powers, Darkrai and Cresselia are sent to the Happy Dimension, where everyone is, well, happy. Now they've got to work together to get back home... but that's easier said than done..._

Now, if on the extremely-off chance that you do happen to be familiar with her works, I imagine you're wondering why I didn't choose _The Meeting _or _To the Rescue!_. Well, both are very crazy and very funny, and at the time were original, but it was the smaller scope of _Mine! _that influenced my decision. It's much less ambitious, allowing for a much closer examination of Darkrai, Cresselia and the living nightmare that is the Happy Dimension, their workings, their psyches, and their interactions. Granted, there's a few cut backs to their original dimension, they usually just involve the creation trio or Mewtwo and Deoxys.

Aside from the unusual amount of depth, most of the usual writing stands up, which results in quite a bit of humorous and strange situations, including Darkrai getting turned pink, Darkrai and Cresselia doing everything in their power to not kill each other, and Registeel trying to conquer the Happy Dimension via a bamboo helicopter and indestructible net. And this is what I consider to be _normal _in a SilverUmbra story. What is important to note is that, oddly enough, despite this being surreal it never feels bizarre. Perhaps the humor negates it. Perhaps there's enough character and logic to keep it grounded. Perhaps it's written well enough you don't care. Perhaps it's so crazy it becomes normal. Perhaps it's brevity keeps it from becoming ludicrous. Perhaps it is all the above.

Either way; SilverUmbra was an author who was able to influence the likes of Blazing Sceptile and Glory For Sleep, and thus indirectly much of the fandom regarding the Legendaries, in addition to mastering the ability to write good and humorous madness, but has sadly been forgotten to time.

**Number 3: Coli Chibi**

_Grade:_

Influence: 7

Quality: 10

Creativity: 10

Originality: 10

Total: 37

Coli Chibi... The author who speaks for himself (I.E: the reason this section is a bit shorter than the preceding and succeeding).

Arguably the most successful author at writing an Original Character, the _Tony's Journey _series situated around the titular character of Tony Miller is one of the most recognized and followed on this site. Following a quirky and socially awkward character as he journeys through Kanto or alternatively Unova to become the greatest Bug Pokémon trainer, of all things, he ultimately finds himself in numerous situations, both as a result of his actions and dumb luck. Starting off Fanfiction in 2009, it would not be until late 2010 when Coli Chibi published _Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Prehistory_, which is one of the best Pokémon Mystery Dungeon stories out there, that people began to take notice of this prodigy. It would not be another two years until he made another story that eclipsed that one, but when _Pokémon Black and White: Tony's Journey _came out in late 2012, it was what thrust him into the limelight.

In his character of Tony Miller, Coli Chibi essentially created the most unique Original Character in Pokémon, whilst simultaneously staying true to the original spirit of the games, which is no small feat. Albeit a clumsy, socially inept hero who manages to save the day and aspires to become the master of the one type who everybody ignores, while trying to survive life, but one that is intriguing and entertaining to read about regardless.

Though the Chibi has been suffering from a case of writers block as of late, he himself is not hesitant to leave a review on a story and use his brilliant analytical eye to offer advice, or tear into it, as the only Editorial in Keldeo's third season will attest to. A down to earth, though humorous and witty, perspective, combined with a detailed view of the setting and characters has served to solidify Coli Chibi's place amongst the greats.

_Magnum Opus: Tony's Journey: Unova Grand Tour_

_Summary: Tony Miller, bug-catcher extraordinaire, is back on the road to becoming the world's greatest Bug Pokemon Master and Champion of Unova. However, with growing feelings for a certain Gym Leader, a deteriorating relationship with his beloved aunt, the revitalized Team Plasma, and the bloodthirsty Genesect on the loose, he's going to find it's a long, hard road to be the best!_

In my opinion _Unova Grand Tour _is the best in the _Tony's Journey _series. While there isn't that much radically different from the rest of the series; there's still a darker look at the villains, the humor is still excellent, the writing is still excellent, and the story is still noticeably different from Black and White while still combining and retaining multiple aspects from the games, and the quality is still high. What differentiates it the most is an Angry Bug who was revealed in the last chapter of _Black and White. _Taking a slightly darker and edgier stance than it's prequel when it comes to the villains, not to mention a psychotic manmade Legendary, it is arguably the most gripping of the series so far. While on a hiatus, I doubt Coli Chibi will be willing to let it end.

**Number 2: Glory For Sleep**

_Grade:_

Influence: 9

Quality: 10

Creativity: 10

Originality: 9

Total: 38

If there is one author you are guaranteed to hear about or see on Pokémon Fanfiction aside of Yoshizilla, it would be Glory For Sleep. And if by some small chance you haven't; you have now. Where should I begin with an author as monumental as him?

An author who has been writing for more than seven years, Glory For Sleep can be said to have had one of the largest impacts on Pokémon Fanfiction. One of the most notable authors of anything regarding Legendary Pokémon, he has the distinction of having most of his true stories ending up in the Top 5 of their respective character categories (based on reviews), many placing first and usually eclipsing Aura Wielder's stories, as well as turning Dracoshipping into pseudo-canon.

Though it took him nearly a year to begin writing, he immediately rocketed onto Fanfiction in January of 2008, posting six one-shots within a short succession of two weeks before putting up the first chapter of _Exile, _a story that would grow to become one of his most popular and influential, which he would later complete within the span of six months. 2008 would go on to be a very prolific year for him, with him posting nearly two-thirds of the stories he has now (32), many of which are curiously named after songs, within the year. _Exile _was joined by other masterpieces such as _Skyway Avenue, _a story about loss, comforting, more loss and romance, _Nine in the Afternoon, _a story so well written it managed to broaden Keldeo's horizons by three sizes that day, _Just Beyond Hate Street, _which is his most family oriented story. Literally. And they would later be joined by the _Cadence Of Their Fear _trilogy, which was unusually dark given Glory For Sleep's usual parameters.

It is important to note that Glory For Sleep also has the ability to write over numerous types of genres seamlessly, though all of his stories have a very distinctive style, a purple prose and rather odd, amusing third person omniscient that seems to delve into the narrator's thoughts as well as the characters. Like SilverUmbra, he himself was not one to stick to many pairings, though like said author there were many he prefers, and thus was capable of bringing out multiple dimensions from the same characters due to different interactions and reactions with other characters and settings.

_Magnum Opus: Exile_

_Summary: Due to his arrogant behavior, Raikou is banned from the Legendary council and is forced to stay with Darkrai on Newmoon Island for his own protection. Of course, that's when the danger starts... Raikou/Suicune, Darkrai/Cresselia, and Mewtwo/Deoxys_

Despite everything Glory For Sleep has written, it quickly boiled down to a tie between _Exile _and _Skyway Avenue_. While both deal with loss and struggling, _Exile _was the more poignant of the two in my opinion; exploring themes of redemption and introspection while _Skyway Avenue _deals more with the more lighter theme of learning to carry on in life. Both have excellent character development that results from grievous loss, but Exile tends to be a bit heavier with it's themes of disownment and loss.

But, for all its philosophical musings, what really stands out about Exile is the villain. Yes, Terotrey Horrifiance, despite sounding like a character who was cut from _Harry Potter_, is arguably one of the greatest OC villains ever made, and undeniably one of, if not _the, _best aspects of _Exile_. What makes him so great? Simple; _he's right. _

Yes, for all his madness, ruthlessness, and haughtiness that makes you want to slug him at multiple points in the story, he is right. The Legendaries are abusing their power and causing more harm than good. He may be wrong in the way he goes about trying to fix it, but not only is he correct in his assertions, his motives are somewhat altruistic, and, though he clearly is the villain, because of those intentions, there is no clear just cause until he becomes the sin Legendary. At best, he is in the right, and at worst, deserving of sympathy, turning him into a borderline anti-villain that leaves you conflicted up until finale. It takes an incredibly talented author to write a character with that type of depth, which, among other factors, cemented my opinion of this being Glory For Sleep's best work.

Ultimately being an author who's influence permeates many conceptions about the Legendaries, as well as having inspired countless authors to pick up or continue writing, Glory For Sleep has more than earned his place as one of the greatest Pokémon Fanfiction authors.

And now for something completely different:

* * *

**Honorable Mentions:**

**Quaystor:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 3

Quality: 6

Creativity: 8

Originality: 8

Total: 25

Quaystor was another author of the Old Guard who has sadly faded away into obscurity. He could be said to have been the original author to focus on and experiment with non-Legendary Pokémon outside of a Pokémon Mystery Dungeon setting, particularly Pokémon from the Anime (though it is notable that Ash's Corphish has the same speech pattern from Pokémon Mystery Dungeon). Many of his stories usually revolved around FireGrassshipping, and would have frequent appearances by other members of Ash and May's Hoenn teams. If only for his originality and pioneering spirit in developing and exploring the characters and roles of non-Legendary Pokémon, Quaystor has cemented his place as an honorable mention.

**Texas Longhorn:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 8

Quality: 7

Creativity: 6

Originality: 4

Total: 25

The quintessential Pokeshipper. There's nothing particularly innovative in his premises, save _A New Journey,_ though he certainly is ambitious and creative in his writing, it's rather the quality of his stories and the influence that they've had that landed him his spot on this list.

**Hoenn Master96:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 3

Quality: 7

Creativity: 7

Originality: 7

Total: 24

An author who tends to ground many of his stories in reality while still maintaining a careful balance between the real and Pokémon worlds, Hoenn Master96's serious, if not occasionally dour, tone has led to many stories that can focus more on serious aspects of Pokémon that are rarely touched upon with such finesse. In addition, I daresay he is one of the few authors to write about the Aura Guardians and not from a Medieval setting or include Ash, allowing for a bit of a more unique perspective to them, though that is not to say he hasn't written about them at all. His most popular story, the medieval based epic known as _The Chronicles of the Aura Knights_, is an energetic combination of Pokémon and... Total War?

_(Arceus then hovered a series of papers in front of his face, narrowing his eyes as he shuffled the documents before finding what he wanted.)_

I've seen stranger, to be honest.

**TestSubject069:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 5

Quality: 7

Creativity: 7

Originality: 5

Total: 24

One of the most prominent Advanceshippers, if only for the stature of _The Aura is With Me_. A rather gripping narrative that takes place in the waning days of the Sinnoh Anime, it is probably the best story dealing with Ash becoming an Aura Guardian, in addition with absurdly long (though not long enough to the point of Ri2's redundancy) and energetic battle scenes, combined with a Galatic at it's prime and a bit of metaphysical nonsense, it was enough for a place on this list.

**SDproductions:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 2

Quality: 8

Creativity: 7

Originality: 6

Total: 23

SDproductions is the most recent author to get on this list, joining Fanfiction in October of 2013 and only two days in writing about what had swept the Pokémon Community by storm; X and Y. But when a fan decides to write a novelization of a game, and it turns out to have better character, dialogue, plot and humor (albeit AuraWielder-esque) than the basis, then that means that SDproductions is doing something right, and that Pokémon needs to reexamine how they are making their new games.

**Ten-Faced:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 3

Quality: 9

Creativity: 8

Originality: 3

Total: 23

Ten-Faced is the author of the Pokémon Platinum Novelization _Titanium_, in addition to countless one shots and short stories, which can arguably be said to be the best novelization of a Pokémon game on Fanfiction. Combining lengthy chapters, a realistic world that still manages to capture the spirit of the games, a series of enjoyable and expounded characters and Pokémon that still stay true to their canonical appearances, and ultimately being one story in an attempt to explain and interlink the entire Pokémon universe, including side games, this story alone was more than enough to land her a spot on the list.

**Gweniveve Skyes:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 3

Quality: 6

Creativity: 7

Originality: 6

Total: 22

Gweniveve Skyes can be said to be something of a Renaissance writer: a curious amalgamation of various genres including adventure, comedy, tragedy, poetry and romance, each of which is handled with aplomb. Though her focus seemed to have shifted away from Pokémon recently, she has still left a noticeable amount of memorable Pokémon stories, such as _Children of the Skyking,_ the _Aura Rising Trilogy _and _Pokémon Does Disney!_.

**Queen Nepyhthys:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 2

Quality: 9

Creativity: 8

Originality: 2

Total: 21

When you think of good Pokémon Conquest stories, chances are three authors come to mind; Haya-dono, TheViolaBuddy and Imperator Justinian.

_(Arceus then made a coughing sound that sounded suspiciously like 'Shameless Advertising', despite the fact he has no mouth.)_

However, there is another author who, despite being a bit less well know, is arguably the best and most original. Queen Nepyhthys, despite suffering from an acute inability to set a schedule on when to write, is the most creative and original in the Pokémon Conquest community (original being relative to all the other Pokémon Conquest stories, which are mostly just repeats of the main story), as well as the most indifferent when it comes to shippings (and considering that the Pokémon Conquest community is overrun by fangirls, that is certainly saying something). A combination of originality, creativity, brilliant humor, and being one of the few authors to go to great lengths to keep characters in character has cemented her place in the Honorable Mentions.

**ThatOneDwarf:**

_Grade:_

Influence: 5

Quality: 7

Creativity: 5

Originality: 3

Total: 20

Now, given that many of you have read Keldeo's review of _A Guardians Princess, _I imagine you're a bit outraged or confused at his inclusion. Well... had Keldeo looked at the story through a bit of a darker, grittier and more realistic frame of mind to suit the story rather than trying to push the story into the outlook he wanted, chances are that his review would have been a bit more sympathetic.

ThatOneDwarf has shown an incredible amount of flexibility when it comes to genres, shippings and settings, being able to stretch across a large amount and still write well. That combined with an astounding ability to write excellent action that can only be rivaled by Hoenn Master's, which even Keldeo had to acknowledge in the end of his review, and that would be sufficient for a place on this list.

And now for our number one:

* * *

**Number 1: ARCEUS-master**

_Grade:_

Influence: 10

Quality: 10

Creativity: 10

Originality: 10

Total: 40

Number One gets a perfect score.

Though Coli Chibi and Glory For Sleep's positions are nearly interchangeable, there can be only one master of Pokémon Fanfiction, and that would be ARCEUS-master. While I imagine that some of you would disagree, it would be like comparing Mozart or Beethoven to Bach.

* * *

**Yet Another Note from the Author (Seriously!?):**

For those of you not familiar with Classical Music, let me put it in more modern terms for you; it would be like comparing The Police or Boston to Rush. All are incredibly talented, though ARCEUS-master edges them out by a bit in terms of quality, artistry and creativity. Monte Carlo: A hundred miles south of Turin, A hundred miles east of Pisa, Five hundred miles west of Bilbao.

* * *

Go Away! No, not you, the author's notes.

Now, ARCEUS-master is undeniably one of, and, obviously, per my assessment, the greatest authors of Pokémon Fanfiction. With a cache of unique ideas, brilliant executions, near-impeccable grammar, an excellent sense of humor and massive knowledge of the subject he is writing about, not to mention having the (in)famous Ri2 as a beta-reader, ARCEUS-master's stories are of the highest quality and caliber. I cannot say much more about him because there is simply little else to say; his abilities as an author are great enough that I simply cannot properly express it on some deeper level or investigation, and that being blunt is the most effective way to convey them.

I also have him to thank for the nickname that Mew has given me, but considering the sheer stature of his stories I won't complain.

The _A New Chance _series, which really only consists of two stories, are arguably the best stories dealing with Ash teaming up with a legendary Pokémon, or an adaptation of the anime in general, which includes many things that should have happened in the anime, though it is noticeably (but not necessarily suffocating) edgier and funnier.

_Magnum Opus: Gods and Mortals_

_Summary: Being a god is hard and tiring, and Arceus knows that better than anyone, so he has finally decided to take some vacations. His temporary replacement? ... Well, ever wonder what Ash would do if he was god?_

Good me, we're all going to die.

Joking aside, I imagine that, if you are familiar with his works, why I would pick this one over _A New Chance at Life _or _A New Chance For Adventure_? Well, I'm not going to say it has more quality than the others, because they are all relatively equal. What I will say is; how many stories are out there dealing with Ash traveling with a Legendary Pokémon or becoming some sort of Champion or Knight for a Legend? It is the sheer originality of this story that has led me to view it as his Magnum Opus, in addition to what I consider to be the greatest moment in Fanfiction history in the latter half of chapter two. What it is, I won't say, simply because I cannot do it justice.

The originality, creativity and sheer quality was enough for me to choose this story, in addition for it retaining more of the light-hearted spirit of the Anime and being reasonably paced given everything ARCEUS-master plans on doing with it, not to mention that the story was powerful enough that his fanbase actually adapted a nickname in it to use for the author himself. Sadly it is seldom updated given his focus on the _A New Chance _series, but even unfinished and neglected it is still one of the best and most enjoyable stories out there.

* * *

And with that, this massive editorial is brought to a conclusion, and I would recommend checking out the works of all these authors. And remember; If you enjoyed reading this chapter half as much as I enjoyed writing it, then I enjoyed writing it twice as much as you enjoyed reading it.

* * *

**Good Lord, I imagine you're sick of seeing the Another Note from the Author by now:**

Well, this turned out to be the longest chapter I have written, and I'm relieved to be done with it. The person who can tell me every Monty Python reference I made over the course of it (and there were a lot) will get to choose a One-shot for me to review.

Speaking of reviewing, there were a few stories that Keldeo was going to review, but since he happened to get sucked up by a plot hole I think I'll be taking up a few of them (with Matthais' approval, of course).

Also, given how long this chapter is I won't blame you if you don't get this joke; but it looks like Arceus finally triumphed over his nemesis.


	10. The Misadventures of Burmy and Combee

As Arceus had finished uploading the previous chapter, his eyes suddenly narrowed as he noticed something flashing on his computer. Before he could do anything about it, the video maker opened up, and a rather deep voice rang out from the speakers.

* * *

**The following trailer is rated "F-UPS", for Follow-up to a Parody of a Satire.**

_(The screen began to count down in an old fashioned cinema style.)_

Wh-what on earth is happening!?

**From the author who's opinions you love, but update schedule you hate, comes a story so crazy it just might work:**

**"The Misadventures of Burmy and Combee" by Mr. Grool**

Mew! What have you done to my computer!? How do I stop this?

**Read through the story that was originally a satire on how people neglect weak Pokémon, but became so mean spirited to the protagonists the author devoted an entire chapter to lampooning it.**

_"I've been kicked out of my hive, we've beaten countless times trying to find a new job, we're starving, filthy and exhausted, and we're spending the night on a park bench! How can it get worse?"_

**(Just ask AuraWielder.)**

**Feel free to take a harmless, guilt free laugh at the expense of Burmy and Combee as they get set on fire;**

_"Burm! Burmy!" the burmy yelled as his leaf cloak was set on fire._

**Run over;**

_He was cut off when a four wheeler came out of nowhere, running Combee and Burmy over._

**Mauled repeatedly by two vicious serpentine-like Pokémon;**

_"Hydro Pump!" Gyrados roared._

_"Flash Cannon!" Steelix yelled._

**And endure ridiculously bad luck;**

_"Are you absolutely sure that trapeze is sturdy?" Combee asked the purple monkey._

_"Of course I'm sure!" Ambipom laughed. "That trapeze has held me up for years, and I'm, like, ten times his size! Why would it break now?"_

_Suddenly, the trapeze Burmy was sitting on suddenly snapped, causing Burmy to fall right into the net._

_Unfortunately, Burmy was small enough to fall through a hole in the net, making it so he fell twenty feet onto the cold, hard ground._

**And continue to laugh at their misfortune even as you start to feel guilty for knocking out so many Burmies and Combees to train your Pokémon back in Gen IV.**

Maybe this button turns it off...

_(A slight click could be heard in the background, but all that seemed to accomplish was playing a montage of Burmy and Combee getting injured in various ways. More clicking followed, but that only sped up the video and added the Looney Tunes theme to it.)_

**And in a series based entirely off misery, get ready to see it go to new heights as the protagonists finally find their purpose in life... as footstools;**

_"I hate my life." Combee wheezed as he struggled to hold up the entire pyramid with Burmy. The Kricketots seemed to be taking their time creating the pyramid, though it seemed that might've not been a coincidence. As each one jumped to their position, they used Burmy and Combee's face as a launching pad._

_"Hey, at least we have a job." Burmy retorted, though he was struggling just as much as his friend. "Maybe we've found our place in the world this time."_

_"As footstools?" Combee grunted, glaring at Burmy._

**So, whenever you feel like skimming over five thousand words and lots of fourth wall breaks, get ready to groan in frustration as Burmy continues to destroy any hope Combee has of being successful in life.**

**Starring: **

**Mac and Bloo**

_"More power!" Burmy yelled._

_Combee, however, was reluctant to do so. "It's getting pretty big Burmy." Combee said warily._

_"Don't worry about it!" Burmy shouted over the wind the tornado was making. "Just give it more power!"_

_Suddenly, the tornado ripped the curtain off of the stage, and began to suck the papers off the judge's desk!_

**And everyone else irrelevant to the nonexistent greater plot**

**The Marvelous Misadventures of Burmy and Combee**

**Finished whenever Mr. Grool has the time...**

* * *

**The End**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Mr. Grool_

**_Credits:_**

_Honest Trailers_

_Looney Tunes_

_Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_

_The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack_

* * *

**Note From the Author:**

And the shortest chapter I've made to date! Well, since it's on the heels of the longest chapter I've made to date, I'm not to upset about it, though I still apologize for it's brevity, and possibly it not being as funny. There just wasn't that much material to work with.

Anyways, this chapter goes to you, Mr. Grool. I'm sorry this early Christmas gift was so short, but it was also the last faux Honest Trailer I'll be doing for some time, so I hope that counts for something. That aside, thanks for being such a good friend to me over the years, and enduring so many of my long-winded conversations. Including this one. Oh well, I still have to get out one more chapter to all of you in celebration of Christmas, and yes, it will have the real star of the show in it.


	11. Comedic (?) Scene 1

Many weeks had passed since Mew had fled, and Arceus suspected he was slowly going mad.

Yes, bonkers.

Looney.

Insane.

Perhaps even psychotic.

Whatever adjective you deemed worthy, yes; mentally unstable.

At first he though little of it, being to enraptured in the bliss of having the solitude denied to him for centuries, but slowly the feeling started to creep up on him. At first it was nothing more than looking over his tail every once in a while, believing he had heard Mew playing one of her games. Then it progressed to him talking to himself, but he merely played it off as him simply not being used to having no one around.

But then after he started screaming at the walls to stop whatever devious schemes they were carrying out, he realized that there was a problem. It was only reinforced by the fact that, judging from the pink shards of broken glass before him, he had painted a vase in a crude rendition of Mew, levitated it, and started chasing it around his home while shouting for it to halt. Fixated at the mess he had apparently created, Arceus was too mortified at what was happening to him to detect a presence approaching. He turned around when he heard the doors opening to see Palkia standing in the doorway, a white arm outstretched to keep the door open.

"Son!" Arceus exclaimed gleefully, galloping up to Palkia. Said Legendary of Space was so startled by Arceus' behavior he lurched back and was promptly hit in the face by the heavy bronze door.

"Ugh..." he grunted as Arceus mentally lifted him back to his massive feet.

"It's so good to see you again! It's feels like ages since your last visit." Arceus said, nuzzling his head on top of Palkia's.

"Dad, you're scaring me."

"Oh nonsense, can't I enjoy a moment with my son?"

"No. You haven't given me a hug since I trapped Dialga in the Super Smash Bros. dimension seven years ago." Palkia then took a step back, breaking free from his 'Father's' embrace, and raised a claw to Arceus' grey forehead.

"You don't feel warm, but you're certainly not acting right..." he mused to Arceus' confusion. "You wouldn't happen to be Ash masquerading as Arceus, would you?"

That idiotic statement seemed to ignite Arceus' temper once more. "Of course I'm not! How could you even propose something so preposterous, let alone doubt my authenticity!?" The equine being nearly shouted out in a barely controlled fit of rage. Palkia seemed to be satisfied with his response, despite having to hold his head in a futile attempt to block out Arceus' powerful voice that seemed to transcend even telepathy.

"Dad? Who are you talking to?" Arceus' head snapped to the side as he saw Palkia standing on the glass platform outside the door, looking at him like he had grown a second head. Arceus quickly returned the look before going back to the other Palkia to see that he was no longer there. While Palkia looked on the scene with confusion and mild concern, Arceus slowly came to a mortifying realization in the back of his head.

He needed Mew.

Without warning, Arceus disappeared in a blinding burst of brilliant gold light, forcing the real Palkia to cover his eyes to keep from being blinded.

* * *

Mew was frolicking about a field of daisies, happily munching on a chocolate bar and humming a merrily little tune to herself without a care in the world. In the background, the city she got said chocolate bar from was ablaze and tearing itself apart in a frantic search, having dissolved into pure anarchy and chaos at the mere sight of her. She then floated down to the sea of flowers beneath her and rested in them, stubby arms behind her circular head, and began watching the clouds pass by. Her view was suddenly blocked by Arceus appearing out of nowhere, towering above her resting form and gazing down at her. Mew cringed, but realized she was trapped and closed her eyes so she wouldn't be forced to look death in the face.

When she opened her eyes again, fully expecting something radically different from where she had just been, she was met with an amused look from Arceus, who was resting in the meadow across from her. Not knowing what else to do, she pushed herself off the ground a bit into a sitting position and waited for him to say something. After some undetermined amount of time had passed, one that had been completely dominated by silence save the occasional gust of wind, Mew came to the conclusion he had the same idea and decided to break the ice with the most obvious thing she could think of.

"So... you're _not _going to kill me?" Arceus shook his head.

"No, Mew. I-" Arceus swallowed his pride and bit back some nausea as he prepared himself. "I would like you to come back to the Hall."

"Really?" Mew asked excitedly, beginning to rock back and forth on her feet like a giddy child. "Does that mean-"

"No!" Arceus snapped, but quickly reversed his position with a sigh. "Perhaps... Perhaps I might have come to... appreciate you in recent days."

Arceus' face turned a shade of green after saying that, but Mew took no notice. "Aw... This is great Arcy! We can be best friends and play games and go to carnivals and-"

"No! NO!" Arceus quickly screamed out in fear, but quickly berated himself internally at seeing Mew's quivering lip and silently apologized. "I... I guess I could make some time to play with you. But we can talk more about this back at the Hall." Arceus' eyes shimmered for a moment before he and Mew were consumed by another wave of golden light, both vanishing without a trace. Unless if you count the giant burning city in the background, news reel of Mew buying a candy bar, and said wrapper carelessly discarded in the meadow, complete with one of her hairs stuck to the plastic via chocolate.

* * *

A few weeks had passed since Mew returned to the Hall, and things had returned to their semi-chaotic normal. Though Arceus still disliked her antics, he reminded himself it was far better than the alternative, and ultimately made his peace with them.

So, on one rather bland morning, Arceus awoke and immediately realized it was Christmas. He immediately looked around his room, half expecting Mew to be hiding somewhere so she could pounce on him and announce the obvious like an excited child, but was surprised when she was nowhere to be found. He excited his chambers and floated into the main hall where she would usually be in the mornings, but there was still no sign of her.

Just as he was about to go search the rest of the Hall for her, the doors to the room suddenly opened. Mew sauntered in, eyes half open and clutching a small package concealed in the cliché colors of green and red. She proceeded to float up to him tiredly, placing the small package at the base of his golden hooves like a peace offering.

"Merry Christmas, Arcy..." she managed to say while yawning. Arceus smiled inwardly, floating up the parcel to his eye length and used his obscure mental powers to remove the wrapping from the gift to see what it was.

**-o- 24/7 -o-**

**Seasons 1 - 8**

Arceus rolled his eyes at the gift.

"Mew, you just ripped of _Nine in the Afternoon._"

"Hey, I spent all night looking for the change to buy that for you! Besides, it's the thought that counts." she said indignantly while crossing her arms.

"But it wasn't your ide-"

"Well, that wasn't the only thing I got you." Arceus stopped mid-sentence, partially afraid of what else she had got him. Mew proceeded to pull out the Lustrous Orb, Adamant Orb and Griseous Orb from virtually nowhere, and immediately flew across the room, dropping each one a distance from the others. Arceus could hear the voice in the back of his head yelling at him to stop her, but for reasons he could only identify as plot convenience, he permitted her to continue. After creating a triangle with them, she floated back to Arceus' side and immediately exerted her psychic powers. The orbs seemed to respond to them, as three portals were generated by them, and trio of dragon types promptly tumbled out of their respective ones before they closed. Arceus stood horrified at the scene, while Mew floated up to his face.

"Merry Christmas, Arcy!" she shouted, this time far more energetically, once more. Unfortunately for Arceus, she happened to be close to his face, and the equine being stumbled back at the sudden noise. "I know you haven't had a Christmas with your sons in a while, so I figured that maybe you've missed being with them."

Arceus smiled at that, his hard gaze softening as he looked at Mew, genuinely touched by her gesture. He was shocked out of his short state of elation when he noticed the Creation Trio beginning to shake out of their stupor.

"Thank you Mew. While this means much to me, you really shouldn't have done that."

"Why?" It was a simple, innocent question, which unfortunately held a very ugly answer. Arceus couldn't muster the heart to tell her, so the white Pokémon simply used his powers to spin Mew around so she could take a look at the unfolding disaster. The creation trio had risen back into a standing position, and the moment they noticed each other, they immediately dropped into a battle stance.

"YOU!" all three shouted at once, believing the other to be responsible for dragging them out of their dimensions. Though Arceus knew it would be futile, he still made an attempt to calm his sons down as he galloped down to them.

"Cease!" he commanded. His order seemed to succeeding in keeping them from unleashing their signature moves on each other, if only for the moment. "I was the one who summoned the three of you here." Arceus said, while Mew grew wide eyed in the background. That managed to draw the trio's attention away from each other, each eyeing their father with a different emotion.

"It has been a very long time since we have been able to gather as a family. While I know that you three would very much like to maim each other currently, could I ask all of you to put aside your petty squabbles for one day, for this one Christmas, and enjoy it with me?" the trio seemed to genuinely consider his plea, much to Arceus' surprise, and exchanged glances amongst themselves. Palkia let out a sigh and turned to Dialga, who only nodded in return. Giratina opened his mouth.

"No." he said right before releasing an Aura Sphere at Dialga, followed in lightning quick succession with a Dragon Pulse aimed at Palkia. Arceus' eyes flashed for a brief moment, and the gargantuan Ghost Type was slammed against the nearby wall by the sheer force of his will before the attacks were redirected back at him. Arceus slowly turned around to face the near-unconscious Giratina, while the Time-Space duo slowly backed away from the display of unbridled power.

"I will not have you misbehaving today. Understand?" Giratina let out a weak nod, which seemed to satisfy Arceus.

"Wonderful!" he said in a nauseatingly upbeat tone even by Mew's standards, clearly happy with how things had turned out, and hovered away from the carnage as if it was as common as the pillars that adorned the room. "Well, I suppose I should go cook something for the four of you."

Arceus then disappeared around a corner, and the four legendaries all looked to each other nervously at hearing that the Alpha Pokémon would be making a meal for them. Dialga nudged Palkia on the shoulder, urging him to go after their father. The Legendary of Space started mumbling under his breath, but quickly got over his dissatisfaction with being chosen as the scapegoat and ran after Arceus.

"Dad, why don't we just go to Waffle House? My treat!" The other two members of the Creation soon followed suit, attempting to dissuade Arceus from the real reason why they never celebrated Christmas with him. Having been left alone in the main hall, Mew turned around.

"I think I'll just cut off the skit here. If it dragged on any longer, we might as well add in a review and call it a day." she mused before developing a big grin. "Anyway, from me, Arceus and the fourth wall; have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!" Mew then smiled and waved as an explosion went off from the direction of the kitchen, with Arceus and the Creation Trio emerging from it seconds later. All four were covered in ash, condiments and food, and were headed for the door. Mew gave one last wave before floating off to join the four.

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

And done. Personally, I'm a bit upset at myself for being unable to finish this when I wanted to. Originally it was supposed to be just between Mew and Arceus, but the ideas kept flowing and I couldn't stop writing. That said, credit goes to Glory For Sleep being as I spoofed some of his ideas and writing style in this chapter.

Anyways, my last update for the year! I probably won't be back until February, since I want to devote January to a few oneshots and a massive revision, but I hope this was enjoyable for all of you.

Merry Christmas!


	12. Thought Out

"Arcy! Arcy!" Mew's high-pitched telepathic voice bounced off the pristine walls as she looked around for the owner of the nickname. It seemed to be unnecessary though, being as she was too busy looking from room to room to look straight ahead. After colliding with what would equate as Arceus' sternum, she was telepathically picked back up by said pseudo-deity who had the equivalent of a raised eyebrow plastered on his face.

"Yes?"

"There's something strange in the grand hall!"

"Hmm?" Arceus already suspected what it was, but still followed Mew as he tugged on his golden hoof. She led him into the room and pointed at a large wall that was standing in the middle of it, which stuck out like a sore thumb due to the fact it was brick and surrounded by marble.

"What's that doing there?"

"Oh, that would be the fourth wall." Mew looked at him, dazed, and clearly wanting a better explanation.

"Well, since we broke it so much in the previous chapters, it sued. And now we have to give it a cameo."

"Huh..." Mew started. "Of all the things I thought we'd get sued over, that had to be the second to last thing."

"What was the last choice?" Mew offered up a cheeky grin in response.

"You don't wanna know. Uh, Arcy, are those cracks a good sign?" Arceus looked back to the fourth wall, watching a few cracks beginning to form in the structure.

"Hold on, let me retcon that conversation. And this statement." Arceus' eyes flashed for a moment, and the cracks that were beginning to spread through it disappeared, and Mew's face went blank. She blinked a few times, clearly confused and turned to her right before nearly bumping into Arceus.

"Oh, hi Arcy! Didn't see you there. So, what are you going to review this month?" Arceus blanched but still replied, inwardly glad that was what she decided to question him about.

"Well, since it's February and St. Valentine's Day will be approaching soon, I will be reviewing a romance." Mew furrowed her brow at the hesitation and foreboding that was painted on his face.

"Okay? I don't see what's so bad about that." Arceus' eyes narrowed as he glared at her for a moment before using his reality-warping powers to project the clichéd effect that happens whenever a flashback was about to begin, before transitioning into said flashback;

_FINE! FINE, I'll CONFESS! Just make it stop!_

Mew responded with a sheepish grin and a scratch of the back of her head. "Okay, maybe that one wasn't great. But at least you chose a decent one. Right?"

"Yes, from SilverUmbra's library. But the quality is not the reason for my dread."

"Really? What could be so bad that-"

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Thought Out" by SilverUmbra**

* * *

_Thought Out_

_By: SilverUmbra_

_Arceus- depressed with all of her thinking about how her life sucks- is confronted by Mew, who uses his charm to show her that the happiest things don't require any thinking at all. MewxArceus_

* * *

"Oh..."

"Read that summary again, Mew."

"Okay!" Mew replied enthusiastically, the Legendary sticking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as blue orbs scanned over the words again before going wide. "Wait... _"His"_!?"

"Well, why don't we begin?" Arceus asked hastily.

* * *

_"Oh... God..."_

_Was it, er, ironic that she was saying such a thing?_

* * *

Being sacrilegious against yourself?

_(Arceus rolled his eyes.)_

No... that's not ironic at all. Or impossible. Sarcasm aside, that is both a mildly amusing and intriguing way to start off a story, so maybe this romance won't be too bad.

* * *

_The white and black wolf wasn't too sure, considering that she was half-asleep and very depressed, obviously in no state of mind to be accurately questioning such things._

* * *

Obviously, considering you think you are (me was? I am? Eh...) based of a _WOLF_!

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

To be fair; this story was written back in 2008, when Arceus wasn't well established or even widely known.

* * *

_(Arceus' eye started to twitch.)_

I thought I told you to stop interrupting me!

* * *

_It seemed that the lupine was always depressed in the morning, mainly because she knew that it would be the beginning of another miserable day that would quickly get progressively worst like a giant ball of congealed blood rolling down a hill, gaining speed as it reached its goal to explode into a mass of gore._

* * *

And good morning to you as well, sunshine. Did you have pleasant dreams about kicking Lillipups?

* * *

_If her disturbing similes weren't enough to show her bad mood, then nothing was._

_Or maybe, she thought vacantly, it's literally poetic...?_

_Arceus gave a sigh, one golden paw tracing the rim of her cup as her half-closed emerald eyes stared blankly out of the window of her kitchen. It was really a nice day, and Arceus would have enjoyed it more if it hadn't been for the fact that she would soon have to stand in front of a bunch of lesser gods that were sure to find some way to put her in some type of pain- mental, physical, emotional or all three._

_"What's the point?"_

* * *

Character development?

* * *

_Yes, the she-wolf_

* * *

_(Bloo: You bird- airplane- plant- thing!)_

* * *

_had found herself asking this a lot. What was the point? What was the point of being the god of gods when the lesser gods didn't even listen to a thing she said? When she told them to at least try and keep the destruction to a minimum what had the others gone and done- other than destroy and nearly sink Kanto below the ocean?  
_

_What was the point of being around when she didn't get the respect she assumed that she had earned? She would be damned,_

* * *

More irony!

* * *

_ but hadn't she created them? Wasn't it all because of her that the legends could even live, learn and love? Yet, despite this, Giratina would sooner start eating himself than at least try and be civil, the younger legends acted like brats, and the more respectable of the pack simply ignored her basic requests._

* * *

Have you tried asserting yourself? I know, I know, it's pretty far-fetched, and you only have the fact that you're the equivalent of a creator to hold over the Legendaries head's, but it's worth a shot.

* * *

_Overall, her existence was completely unnecessary.  
_

_And that was a reason alone to make her morning all the more miserable.  
_

_And worst, today...  
_

_She would have to do it all over again.  
_

_Pushing her cup aside with such force that it nearly tipped and spilled its contents,_

* * *

Oh, heaven forbid I lose the coffee. It's the only thing that makes life worth living at this point. I've already lost my identity as an equine being, after all.

* * *

_Arceus collapsed, her white and black head into her golden paws, ears flat against her head as her shoulders started to shake. The God of all Pokémon, of all living things, even, was having a break down. It had taken a few thousand years, but in one morning she had finally concluded a few things that tore her very soul apart.  
_

_Her existence wasn't needed  
_

_She'd be miserable forever  
_

_She was out of coffee  
_

_Conclusion?  
_

_Her life severely sucked._

* * *

Oh, don't feel too down; I'm sure you can always get more coffee.

* * *

_As she laid sprawled on her kitchen table, her ears perked once, then twice. Someone had entered her home, but due to the fact that she was still groggy she wasn't sure who. It was only when the being had entered the room she resided in that her sensitive nose could pick up the scent._

* * *

_(Raymond Luxury Yacht/Throatwobbler Mangrove: AHA! Anti-Semitism)_

* * *

_The smell of cotton candy and mint ice cream slipped into her senses, and she sighed heavily. If her morning had been difficult to cope with at first... now she had to deal with M-_

_"__Arceus!"  
_

_-ew._

_The wolf only grunted slightly as she felt small paws clutch her ears and a thin, but surprisingly strong tail curl around her neck gently. The feline gave a small giggle as he started the usual ritual of telling his greater legendary about what he was going to do for the day._

_"I'm going to go with Azelf, Jirachi, Uxie, and Shaymin to go and get a present for Celebi's birthday, since it's next week!  
_

_Then I'm going to go and eat lots of candy and play at the park and-" As he ranted, Arceus' ears- which had perked to listen to him talk- had slowly started to go back against her skull again as her saddened state took hold of her. Mew was so lucky, lucky that he could do whatever the hell he wanted- eat sweets until he was sick, play games until he dropped from exhaustion .. Have fun... Something that the she-wolf would never be able to have. She was God, but because of this she couldn't do the things she wanted? Was that ironic? Or simply unfair?_

* * *

_(Palutena: That's part of the Goddess job description.)_

* * *

_"Is something wrong, Arceus?"  
_

_I__t took her a moment to realize that the pink cat had stopped talking, and was now asking the same question again. The white legendary had been so busy drowning in her thoughts of her pointless existence to even realize this until he asked again:_

_"Are you okay, Arceus?"  
_

_He sounded so concerned, and if she had been looking, she would have seen that his large blue eyes were twinkling with worry and that his small ears were resting against his head in the same manner as hers were. Arceus only gave a grunt in reply, sinking lower against the table and threatening to tip it over entirely. There was a small tug on her ears from Mew, and she knew he was awaiting an answer._

_"What's the point?"_

* * *

I think we're getting to it.

* * *

_Her voice was so muffled by her fur against her face, she wasn't sure if he had heard her at all, seeing as he didn't reply right away. When she was about to give up and go to take a long nap, the cat stopped her with his thought out answer. The fact that such a usually laid-back legend was actually stopping to think was enough to make the lupine question her sanity of mind.  
_

_"Who says there needs to be a point?"  
_

_Such a Mew-like answer had been expected.  
_

_"Every-what?"  
_

_Yet it had managed to stump her.  
_

_"Why does there need to be a point? It seems like everyone always needs an answer to everything... like everyone always needs to know why they have to do something." There was a pause. "I don't really understand why that's the case, and most of the time I don't care... What's the point of life if you just spend it asking questions?"  
_

_The fact that he was asking questions confused the wolf._

* * *

_He once overslept for a few thousand years._

_He continues to use the same running gags over and over again... and somehow makes them work._

_His strength is lampshading._

_He is... The Most Interesting Pokémon in the World._

_(The scene suddenly changes to a fancy restaurant, with Arceus sitting on a ridiculously over-sized leather booth. A spanish guitar can be heard being played in the background.)_

I don't always think about the meaning of life, but when I do, I get so confused that I think I'm a lupine and need Mew to give me a lecture on philosophy. Stay very confused, my friends.

* * *

_Arceus' white and black, thick and soft tail swooshed as she raised her head, causing Mew to flip off and land on the table. The legendary of children and happiness blinked his large eyes up at her as she stared back at him with vacancy. Her tail, against her will, moved again and her ears twitched. Before she could stop herself, she lowered her head so that the two furred legendaries were snout to snout, and in a very low voice, she spoke._

_"Like what?"_

_There was a pause._

_"I dunno. I mean..." he gave her one of his famous, boyish grins. "I know I'm happy when I'm around you, like, really happy, happier than I am around anyone else."_

_"Why?"_

_Mew shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. And that's the point. Why bother thinking about it? I'm happy, so there's no need to worry about it."_

* * *

"If this was a normal one-shot, this would be the part where Mew would have said something along the lines of 'I love you', and my lunch would be on the floor." Mew then floated up behind him, before sitting down on the flat top of Arceus' skull.

"Butttt... You don't have a mouth... So how could you-"

"Listen to the story Mew, and don't think about it." Mew then flew off Arceus' head like she was standing on lava, eyes wide, and screamed.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ARCEUS!?"

She was promptly tossed out of the room via Arceus' vaguely defined powers.

* * *

_Mew's basic method of thinking was strange to Arceus; the she-wolf had to think about everything. She had to think about the plans for the world, the plans of others that wished to have her power, the legendaries and their problems. She had to think about thinking, and about what other people thought of her... it was all thinking. Maybe, if Mew was right, it was this that was the base of her unhappiness._

_Was she happy when Mew was around?_

_For all of his existence, Arceus had thought of him as a childish annoyance. She had only created him because there needed to be a legendary of children, and he was the first legendary that she had ever created. Despite everything she told herself, this had indeed made the small pink cat special to her, more so than any of the others. Maybe that was why she could forgive him for the stupid things he did, and maybe that was why he was so attached to her. Maybe? He was amusing and refreshing and kind, something that she could look forward to after a long day. His stupid mistakes showed her her own imperfections, as she would do the same thing if she wasn't as cautious as she was. His endless energy helped her out of her dreary moods that she constantly fell into with anything he could, even his terrible and pointless jokes. He was kind for multiple reasons, for all of the times that he came to her with coffee and some chocolate after she had just had an argument with Giratina, and though she could have gotten some herself, the candy from him always tasted more sweet...  
_

_And she didn't question why.  
_

_Arceus got to her golden paws and flicked her tail, head going to look out the window as Mew stared dumbly after her._

_"Looks like I have another long day..." She sighed, voice light despite the fact that she knew she would soon have to literally drag Palkia back to the present dimension. "I'd better get going before something else comes up." The wolf yawned, fangs glinting in the sun like the wheel around her middle, before she started for the door. Yet-before she left to tackle her day- she turned to look at Mew.  
_

_"Thanks, Mew."  
_

_He gave her such a look that she doubted he knew was she was thanking him for, before he flashed her a knowing grin. __"No problem, Arceus."  
_

_Arceus allowed herself to flash him a smile- the first one of her day- before she left the room.  
_

_Yes. Mew made her very happy.  
_

_And that was one thing she didn't question._

* * *

And with that, this one-shot is brought to a conclusion. And what is my Judgement?

It's one of the best one-shots I've read. Now, you may disagree, or simply scoff considering I avoid romance like the plague, but I personally think this story transcends a simple romance tag. Now, that is unusually high praise coming from me, so let me explain why I hold such a high opinion of this story; at first I thought it was simply one of the higher end romantic one-shots that avoided many of the clichés; there's no confession, no kiss, not even a hug. Arceus simply reflects on how Mew tries to cheer her up, and SilverUmbra manages to write it in a manner that keeps it from feeling like a monologue. And I was ready to simply dismiss it as that.

But then I went back and read through it again. And again. And again. And I found, the more that I read this story, the more layers to it I uncovered. Despite the fact that the moral of it is to not worry so much, though this is translated as not thinking so much, this story requires quite a lot of contemplation to truly appreciate. Perhaps the title itself will best serve as an example; _Thought Out _is ironic on multiple levels.

At a first glance it is seemingly contradictory with the overall theme, but when you look through the story you realize that Arceus' mindset is so dead-set that she even methodically thinks through her ignorance without realizing it, which in itself is ironic, and speaks to the title. Then there's how Arceus is constantly thinking out her days, but is at a loss of thought about what to do to fix them. On an even deeper level, Arceus' habitual thinking is so strong it actually impedes her from thinking about anything else, as demonstrated when Mew starts worrying over her, and once again when she becomes so focused on everything Mew has done for her to even care about what she was thinking about previously.

And in a few final ironic twists, the title itself can infer to Mew's philosophy of throwing thought out the window, not to mention how much thought it takes to truly appreciate this one-shot, and how much thought actually went into writing it. An author that is capable of putting in so many complex layers into a story less than two thousand words is truly one of the greatest authors of Pokémon fanfiction. And I've only talked about the depth of the story, the clichés that it avoided, and the fact that you can continue to read it over and over again and only appreciate it more each time.

Overall, this is one of the best one-shots I have ever read.

**The End**

_**Credits:**_

_Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus - Raymond Luxury Yacht_

_Kid Icarus: Uprising_

* * *

**Note From the Author:**

Believe it or not, George isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep- sorry. Believe it or not, but I actually ship Arceus and Mew on occasion (were I to actually ship Arceus). That said, it would be completely uncharacteristic of him to view Mew in that light... right now.

_(The author dives to avoid a barrage of tomatoes from the GodModeShippers and fanbase.)_

Kidding! (Maybe...)

Anyways, unlike Arceus, I've actually read more than a few romances, but my opinion about _Thought Out _remains the same even in light of that.

In further news; I've passed Season One in reviews, so I would like to thank everyone who's contributed a review so far. It really means a lot to me.

Also, in other news; my verdict on ORAS: It completely makes up for X and Y. I'd even say it's on par with Emerald, which I consider to be the 4th Best Pokémon Game made (counting side games). In fact, it probably would have surpassed it if it weren't for a few questionable choices; like getting rid of the Game Corner, not bringing back the Battle Frontier, making you dress like the Punky Brewster of Hoenn during Contests, turning Mauville into an over-glorified mall, still not letting you fight May/Brendan postgame, and subtly mocking the fanbase by hinting that the Pokémon world we all grew up with and loved basically ended with Unova, and that everything from X and Y onwards takes place in an alternate dimension (you'll understand if you paid attention to Zinnia). Personally I think a remake of Emerald would have been a better choice.

Now, before I go, I'd actually like to address something that's bugged me for a while; Matthais' theory that since Mewtwo is male, and a clone of Mew's, that has too make Mew male as well. Now, since cloning traditionally refers to making a carbon copy of something within most Science Fiction, unless specified elsewise, then logic would have to dictate that Mewtwo would look and act exact like Mew. But since that thought is laughable, that means that the Rocket scientists clearly toyed around with Mew's genes to make Mewtwo stronger, larger, bulkier, and possibly more mature. So it's not within the realm of impossibility to suggest that their altercations to it, either directly or indirectly, resulted in him being male either. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean Mew is female, I just wanted to point out the major flaw in that hypothesis. From a writing/characteristic perspective though, hyperactive little girl suits Mew much better.


	13. Editorial 4 & 'Filler'

Greetings. In honor of Valentines Day, particularly in honor of getting done with it as soon as possible, I bring you this editorial:

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why is Latias so loved?**

* * *

Yes, if there is one Pokémon that comes anywhere close to Lucario in terms of popularity and the amount of Epics devoted to it, it would be Latias. Why is that? Latias is by no means the strongest Legendary, though she was one of the first Dragon Type Legends, and doesn't really inspire a sense of awe or terror.

Well, it most likely is the same reason Lucario became so popular; because of the movie that was (somewhat) focused around her. Now, it's no secret that Pokémon has no idea how to make a movie. There was only one generation where they were able to consistently make decent and enjoyable movies, but it's very rare that they actually make a good movie at all. Both _Pokémon Heroes_ and _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew _are undeniably Pokémon's best movies in terms of quality and storytelling, with only the entire Sinnoh Trilogy managing to compete if put together, and were probably the darkest and edgiest Pokémon has ever come on the television.

In addition to the actual story, it's important to remember that both Latias and Lucario were featured in movies before their generations came out. They essentially became the faces for Generations III and IV, though Latias would later have to step down from that role in favor of Rayquaza. But the hype had its effect, and combined with the movies tragic events, Latias became a sensation.

But, naturally, there was far more to it than just hype. _Pokémon Heroes _was the best Pokémon movie made, and it wouldn't be challenged until _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew_ came along and fought it for the spot. After all, a kind, innocent and likeable Pokémon that has to suffer having her brother kidnapped, getting chased by undead pre-historic Pokémon, and losing her brother to a tsunami right after they were reunited, all over the course of a day makes for a good, but tragic, movie. Not to mention the fact that Latias was the first girl to kiss Ash, the brother-sister dynamic between her and Latios, and that she confirmed some Legendary Pokémon can disguise themselves as humans, you end up with the perfect combination for Fanfiction fuel.

And that's exactly what happened. Stories like _Skyway Avenue_, _The Black Latios_,_ A New Chance At Life, _to a much lesser extent _Pokémon World Tour_, and even the despicable _Latias' Journey _all succeeded in popularizing Latias as a character, and solidifying said character's character into the public mind. It would also have the effect of encouraging many more writers to use her as a character, be it in the simple form of a cameo or side character, or trying their own hand at writing a story based around her.

Ultimately, when one puts it to thought, Latias is definitely a curious fan-favorite, particularly amongst the best writers in the fandom, but certainly a justified one.

* * *

"Well, that's that." Arceus said as he turned away from his computer, only to find Mew staring back at him.

"Yes?" he asked.

"C'mon! You weren't even trying! It's barely six hundred words!" Arceus sighed, but inwardly conceded that she was right.

"Very well, I suppose I have some filler lying around that I could use..."

* * *

**Arceus the Critic**

**Top 11 Pokémon Themes**

* * *

Why 11? Because, in case if you haven't caught on by now, I have a disparaging tendency to reuse Keldeo's ideas. As you read this, keep in mind that this list isn't about how 'intense' or 'epic' a piece is, but rather about it's composition, and how well it suits its corresponding character/event/area. Also keep in mind that any selection that ends with 'Theme' is referring to a battle theme.

**Number 11: Ghetsis' Theme:**

This will probably be the most contended inclusion. After all, it seems to be quite divisive, with a sizeable portion of the fans complaining that it is lackluster and relies to heavily on my pilfered drums.

But the fact it completely goes against the expectations of what people expected out of a final battle is what made it so great, in my opinion. Black and White as a whole defied the fan's expectations, for better or worse, and Ghetsis' Theme does as well, yet still fits incredibly well given his design, and what had just transpired. You had just overcame N, your rival, one of the heroes recognized by a Legendary Pokémon, the King of Team Plasma, and proven your convictions were stronger. The long struggle was finally finished.

And then Ghetsis shows up out of the blue and shatters that façade. After revealing that everything was all just part of his grand scheme to take over Unova, and going off on a terrifyingly heartless monologue, he declares he will take matters into his own hands (at least the good one) and defeat you himself. But, considering the fact that you had just triumphed over N and his Legendary Pokémon, not to mention just having your team healed by him, this battle can't possibly be too difficult.

Again, Ghetsis destroys any expectations you had, proving himself to be one of the strongest characters in Pokémon history, and easily brushing aside N in terms of power. In a way, his theme sums up that much so well, while reflecting on his methods as well. Ghetsis consistently acted through proxies, be it N or Colress, and a flashy, energetic theme would not suit his shadowy nature well. If anything, his amplifies his aura, making his influence and presence feel much more powerful without actually bringing him to the forefront. It's almost frightening in that way.

**Number 10: Rayquaza's Theme:**

One of the most memorable parts of the Hoenn soundtracks were the trumpets. Perhaps they're best remembered in the Hoenn Elite Four theme, but in my opinion they truly shine here. If Giratina's theme represents the absolute madness of the setting and Pokémon, then Rayquaza's theme represents the proud and powerful nature of the Pokémon. The drums, trumpets, and various other brass and woodwinds simply herald Rayquaza's overpowering might. Surprisingly there is not much else I can say in regards to it, but the piece simply speaks for itself.

**Number 9: Giratina's Theme:**

Giratina's theme is probably remembered best for its frantic chaos, and with good reason. This piece is quite literally everywhere and nowhere at once, and it reflects the Distortion World perfectly. It's chaotic; an area that seemingly defies so many laws of physics and gravity that it cannot be put to words. Water flows downwards and upwards at the same time from two different floating platforms, but does not actually move, plants and rocks can simply grow out of the ground and disappear at a whim, and time and space themselves do not seem to flow at any sort of constant or regular rate, if not at all.

And then there is Giratina himself. His motives and actions are just as confusing and contradictory as the Distortion World is. Since the Lake Trio are unable to control both Palkia and Dialga, Giratina arrives and drags Cyrus into the Distortion World to prevent him from destroying both worlds. But since Giratina leave the portal to the Distortion World open, presumably in his anger, it still leaves the world unstable and threatened. And after forcing Cyrus into the world, it simply abandons him, but still forces a battle with the trainer. Overall, the sheer chaos of the piece and the frantic, unpredictable feeling of it, suits Giratina perfectly.

**Number 8: N's Castle:**

This piece, both for it's musical composition and how well it fitted the situation at hand, was more than enough to make the list. It sets itself aside from many of the other 'confrontational' themes, such as Route 10, due to the fact that, though it is tense, it also has an undercurrent of sadness to it. After all, you are marching into the heart of Team Plasma; their secret castle built around the Pokémon League, to confront what amounts to your rival and their leader; N. And it urges you forward to that confrontation, but rather than portraying it as something to be looked forward to, it gives it an air of bittersweet hesitation, a sadness that would later be manifested in how N states that he actually thought of you as something of a friend, and later is revealed to have only been a pawn. Then the organ in the background of this piece, the one that is seemingly the cause of both the intensity of this theme and the sadness of it, can be said to represent the greater evil lurking in the shadows that was the driving force behind everything; Ghetsis.

**Number 7: Through the Sea of Time:**

This piece out of the Explorers games is one of the many memorable storyline-exclusive tracks that can serve as something of a dialogue for the game. It speaks to a determination among the members of your group, and their willingness to sacrifice everything if necessary, a sacrifice that would be carried out by everyone's favorite Shakespeare-quoting Grass Type, and the impeding collision that will put that very willingness to the test. It is a very 'confrontational' piece, one that summarizes a final push towards the end, and makes you look back on everything that you have accomplished so far.

**Number 6: Opelucid City (White):**

The White theme of Opelucid City is, per my opinion, better than Black's. While both themes set up their settings particularly well; Black's being for a futuristic city while White's being for a rustic city, White's sets up what is something of an accompaniment to the last leg of your journey. It inspires you to reflect on everything you have endured and overcome to get to where you are, looking back over your past achievements, and sets the stage for Route 10's theme. Black's Opelucid City theme feels more like an unnecessary preview to Route 10 rather than a foil and prelude to it, whereas White's rustic tones inspire that feeling of nostalgia, which in turn reminds you of your purpose and spurs you onward to Route 10.

**Number 5: Dialga's Fight to the Finish/Don't Ever Forget:**

Now, I had these two pieces share number five because of their similarities. In a way, they can be said to be two parts of a larger piece if music, with both being alike in how they convey the situation. Perhaps I should begin with Dialga's Fight to the Finish.

The music itself is rather upbeat and serene, if not energetic, despite the fact that you literally watch the world fall apart around you as you try to take down an insane Legendary. At a glance, the music is probably one of the most laughably unfitting choices made in a game. But, rather than think about the music being geared towards the battle, think about it in terms of the story. You had known for some time that, were you and Grovyle to save the world and time itself from destruction, the future, and everyone in it or from it, would disappear. And, like Grovyle, you had made your peace with that fact. The fact that your existence would be virtually erased no longer troubled you at this point, in the shadow of Dialga; all you cared about was ensuring that you and your partner would avert the hell that was the future and that Grovyle's own sacrifice would not be in vain.

Then there was Don't Ever Forget. If Dialga's Fight to the Finish was a serene preparation, then Don't Ever Forget was the emotional storm that followed. You had just saved the world, averted and destroyed the future, and knew what was coming next. But your partner didn't, and as you were literally starting to fade away, you could no longer keep up the façade. And the piece finally kicks into full swing as your partner begs you not to dissipate, but is powerless to stop it. Making it even more sad, though, is that the piece perhaps reflects the feeling of your character. Even amidst all the sadness of the piece, there is a relief to it, a melancholy longing. Your character is finally relieved that everything is over, and was glad for all the time it spent with its partner, and the fact that they became good friends. Even as he is fading away into oblivion, he still manages to keep a smile, and urges your partner to carry on living in memory of them. And, I imagine it's around that point that both the partner and the player break down into tears while the piece manages to hit its emotional high as the last of your sprite is consumed by the light.

It's really the emotional prowess of these pieces that earned them their spot, and how well they portray the characters feelings and thoughts.

**Number 4: Rayquaza's Entrance:**

Those who have played Emerald probably remember this short piece. And, even if you do not, you might remember it's improved remix that serves as Sky Pillar's theme in ORAS. This is mainly an organ piece, and perhaps that is what makes it work. This piece is pressing; not frantic in the manner that Giratina's was, or bittersweet like N's Castle, rather it holds promise of the looming disaster at hand, and the unshakable might needed to put an end to it.

Emerald holds this in Rayquaza's cutscene as it races to stop Groundon and Kyogre, but in my opinion ORAS does a better job of sending such a message. After arriving at Spear Pillar, you have to climb through it while Zinnia relates to you a history of Rayquaza and the Draconids, and how they averted a previous catastrophe, all the while getting closer to said catastrophe with every ladder you climb.

**Number 3: Route 10 (BW):**

For some odd reason, Black and White's best pieces were the ones near the end.

Route 10 is fondly remembered by the fans, even by many people who disliked Black and White, and with good reason. It is invigorating amidst your weary character, and despite the fact that your most difficult challenges lay ahead, inspires you to give one final push. In a way, Route 10 helped transform many of the last themes in Black and White into an opera; regaling your silent character's emotions and struggles as they head to their final battle. It was also one of the few pieces selected to be remixed and incorporated into Super Smash Bros.

**Number 2: Zinnia's Theme:**

Zinnia's Theme is probably the most recent theme to take the fans by storm, and I can't fault it for that. It reflects Zinnia and her quest with aplomb, and the dire situation during your battle. The theme itself has an air of liberty to it; it suits a person who will goes where they will to do what they must, and that itself is reflected in it's composition. But it is also has an air of desperation, reflecting someone willing to give up everything to defend that and fulfill their goals. Aside from how well it shows Zinnia, the composition itself has to be some of the best in Pokémon's history.

Now, why don't we take a look at the honorable mentions before moving onto the painfully obvious number one?

**Honorable Mentions:**

**End Credits (BW):**

The End Credits of Black and White played another memorable theme, and probably the best End Credits theme possible. It is incredibly fitting; an energetic and relieving piece that tells you your struggle against Plasma is over, but still promises more adventure for you in the near future.

The only thing that kept it off the list was how poorly the games fulfilled that promise. Black and White had vey poor post games, though they were still better than X and Y's, and really that adventure would have to be carried out off-screen in Black and White 2. However, even then it was cut down short; being as Hilbert/Hilda was supposed to make an appearance at the PWT as their dialogue in the coding demonstrates, only to get cut out last minute.

**Mt. Coronet:**

This was another very memorable theme that had to sadly get struck down from the list due to something situational. Mt. Coronet's theme is filled with uncertainty and mystery, much like the formation itself, but it also is energetic; spurring you forward to thwart Team Galatic before they can unleash their devastating plot, even though you have no idea what lies ahead. It's unnerving not knowing what waits ahead in a place that is filled with so much of Sinnoh's lore, and it fits perfectly to that angle. Sadly, after Team Galatic is defeated, it loses much of it's edge.

**Nobunaga's Theme:**

This is piece is probably the only memorable piece from Pokémon Conquest, and is arguably one of the best themes composed for an anti-hero. It suits a character like him; unlike Ghetsis' theme it does not scream evil, but rather exemplifies a barely restrained strength that enabled him to roll across the region, swatting away everything in his path. To put it quite simply; it's all about his intimidating and overwhelming might rather than the motive behind it.

**Elite Four Theme (Hoenn):**

Trumpets.

**Hidden Highland: **

Now, this piece from the Explorers games does a better job reflecting the situation at hand rather than the characters. The Hidden Land's theme was whimsical and upbeat, reflecting the nature of discovering and exploring a paradise that you could get lost in. But the theme that followed was one that radiated despair, that even such a place was falling apart due to the imbalance of time, and that the world would follow unless if something was done to stop it. The hopelessness of the theme also gave you an idea as to who was up ahead...

**Old Chateau:**

This also serves as the theme for other incredibly fitting places, such as Newmoon Island and Turnback Cave.

Unlike the Lavender Town theme, which once you get past the hype feels more depressing than scary, this one is genuinely unnerving. And once you actually think about it, it can be a bit horrifying.

The piece is incredibly subtle in the way it works; it seems to be everywhere when you first listen to it, but in fact it's actually all concentrated on building up the unknown feeling from the Old Chateau. When you go in, you have no idea what awaits you or what even happened. You don't know who the old man or the ghost girl is or when or how they appear, what is inside of the blinking picture or how the TV can work by itself. And it's maddening fretting over it. The song creeps up on you in that way; slowly building up a phobia that threatens to drive you mad or consume you with terror, and again, you don't even know it. Add in the fact that, unlike Lavender Town or the Mysterious House, you have almost no idea what happened at the Old Chateau, but know just enough to make it imposing on its own, but know not enough to make it even scarier by trying to figure out what happened, and the fact that the theme plays off all those doubts and mysteries, then that cements it as one of the scariest themes in Pokémon history. Really, the only thing that kept it from getting on the list is the fact that it needs the games to have its full effect.

**Canalave City:**

The Canalave City theme is somehow both relaxing and invigorating at the same time, which perhaps would suit the Canalave Library. It reflects a peaceful, laidback area where the more benign scholarly disciplines are pursued vigorously.

**Jubilife City:**

The only Sinnoh theme where I can say that the nighttime theme is better than the daytime. The theme still reflects a very business-oriented city, one that works diligently at everything, but the addition of the prominent saxophone reflected that even as the daily grind was beginning to come to an ended, the city was still hard at work, even if that work was a break.

**Champion Alder:**

Not to be confused with his battle theme. Rather I'm referring to the one that begins to play as you meet him throughout your journey. It speaks to a seasoned traveler; one that is down to earth, and has seen so many different places and met so many different people, and pretty much sums up Alder in a nutshell.

**Cyrus' Theme:**

This piece of music is cold, emotionless and calculating. In other words, it fits Cyrus perfectly, and is probably the only theme I've seen that can pull that off. All that can really be gleamed from it is a steely determination to see his plan through, but nothing more.

**Number 1: Champion Cynthia:**

That piano...

This pre-battle piece you hear before Cynthia has been etched into the memories of the fans; either through her position in Gen IV, or her appearances in Gen V. And rightfully so. It serves for a very dramatic buildup, as if you are about to fight the most powerful trainer in the world (which you are), and makes you realize that this battle will be the last hurdle in your journey, and will be the one that is seemingly insurmountable. The piece speaks to her strength without making it feel overbearing, almost graceful and cunning in a way, but you still know that does not make it any less powerful. As for the composition itself... let's just say Beethoven would be proud. Quite frankly, I can't say anything else on the matter; this is one of the few themes that actually speaks for themselves.

* * *

"There." Arceus said as he turned away from the device, only to be met with a disapproving frown from Mew.

"It's good, but the filler is more than six times the length of the actual point of this chapter!"

"Yes, it is. And you're not helping by adding to the word count." Arceus then turned away from the frantic Mew, and decided to cut off the author, partly for payback, and partly to keep him from inflating the word count any more with lengthy descriptions like the one I am writing right now about the leng-

"And now..."

* * *

**Note From the Author:**

It's...

Well, another birthday came and went in the shadow of Valentine's Day, and-

* * *

**An Apology from the Author:**

The Author would like to apologize for complaining about his personal life and bemoaning all he has lost when he should be talking about the chapter. And now back to said chapter.

* * *

**The Continued Note From the Author:**

Great, now I'm cutting myself off. It was bad enough when I did it to Arceus, but now it's really starting to get old. Frankly I'm sickened I've gotten to this point.

Er, sorry. Anyways, I just found Latias' popularity, to the point where it exceeds most of the major legendaries, to be really interesting, and figured that I could devote a chapter on why the fandom loves her so much. Anyways, if you're in the mood for a longer editorial, I've gone back and greatly revised/expanded Chapter 2 (two thousand more words!).

This will also be the last list I do for a long time; it takes more time doing the actual research, judging the candidates, ruling them in or out, organizing and ranking the ones that did make it in, and then going back and revising it to make sure my assessments were accurate than actually writing it. That, and the filler actually became the main point of the chapter. I don't know whether to be ashamed or proud.


	14. Not Really At All Comedic Scene 2

Arceus was sitting on the floor in the grand hall, floating a book titled 'How Not to be Seen' in front of his face while Mew was watching an old rerun of Seinfeld on the television. He flipped through a page, his red eyes gazing over the contents of the book, before repeating the process once more a few minutes later. Mew, on the other hand, just floated around absentmindedly, swaying back and forth before shifting from upright to upside down, then laying on her back midair, all the while keeping her large blue eyes glued to the machine.

After a few more minutes of this process, Arceus tore his gaze away from the book to the stain glass windows that adorned the hall, only to see that the once vibrant colors they would create when mixed with sunlight were replaced with dull and lackluster ones due to the magnitude of the moon's light. The Alpha Pokémon turned the television off with a simple exertion of his will, causing Mew to stop floating midair and fall to the ground. The Pink Pokémon in front of him got up, spun around and pouted at him, crossing her arms in a sign of obvious annoyance.

"Time to go to bed, Mew."

"Aw! C'mon Arcy; they were just getting to the good part! Besides; I'm a legendary, it's not like I need to sleep much! Please; five more minutes Arcy!" Mew pleaded, sticking out her bottom lip and putting on the best puppy-dog eyes she could muster, only to be met with apathy from Arceus. The white Legend said nothing, merely shook his head and lifted up one of his golden hooves, pointing it in the direction of the room he had made for her.

"Fine..." she muttered disdainfully, before floating off in the direction he had pointed at. After Mew had floated off to her room with a surprising amount of compliance, Arceus closed the book and set it off to the side of the television.

"I suppose I could use some rest as well." Arceus himself floated off after that, going around his lavish throne and entering his chambers via the door concealed beneath the shadow of it. The pseudo-deity rarely rested, but the past week had been surprisingly tame both on earth and in his home, leaving him with little else to do. Arceus lowered himself onto the large, pad-like mattress that served as his bed, and quickly willed himself asleep.

* * *

Arceus found himself sitting on his throne in his usual fashion, nothing seemingly abnormal about his surroundings. That peaceful reverie was quickly cut short as he actually took stock of them, shocked to find that every Legendary in existence had seemingly pilled into the Grand Hall, and were currently running amok in a chaos, anarchy filled manner. Except Rayquaza, who was currently coiled up in a corner napping.

Immediately Arceus' thoughts flew to Mew being the culprit responsible for this madness, but after quickly gazing over the crowd to find that she wasn't even present, that theory fell flat on its face. But then Arceus reexamined the crowd itself, and found that, though he recognized them as Legendaries, they looked different. Stronger. Imposing. Formidable. And even in a few cases; silly.

But his marvel at their new Mega Evolutions/Primal Reversions/Whatever Legendary-exclusive upgrade Pokémon comes up with in the future quickly turned to rage at their behavior, and he immediately floated down from his throne.

"Cease this at once!" he bellowed, to no avail. The Legendaries continued their mad party like the world was ending, and chances were, if they kept it up, it would. Mewtwo, who had a... tail on his head (?) floated by, taking a disinterested glance at Arceus.

"It's not like any of us have to listen to you now; you're no longer the strongest Pokémon in existence." Arceus' red eyes immediately narrowed in blind rage, inwardly screaming blasphemy, and was tempted to wake up Rayquaza and put Mewtwo through _Stopping the Storm_ again. But, before he could dish out a very bloody judgment, Mewtwo continued.

"After all; both mine and Rayquaza's base stats exceed yours with Mega Evolution now, and last time I checked you had no Mega Form." Mewtwo the floated off nonchalantly, like he had just insulted anyone that wasn't Arceus. Before the Alpha Pokémon could literally bring the roof down on Mewtwo, he heard a voice behind him that sent a chill down his spine.

"Hiya, Arcy!" Arceus slowly turned around, horrified at what Mega Evolution monstrosity might await him. To his great relief, the Mew he saw was the normal, pink, small, hyperactive, head-tail free Legendary who he knew and tolerated. And that was promptly dashed as Mew was inexplicably enveloped in a bright light, emerging in her Mega form as it died down.

"Oh, cool! I got a Mega Evolution, Arcy!" Arceus' eye twitched in anguish, his body paralyzed at the horror of what she might do with her newfound power. And she wasted no time in putting them to use, conjuring a mountain of enamel-killing sugary treats around her and the equine Pokémon. If Arceus had a hand, he would have used it to slap his forehead.

_"Only Mew would abuse power in such a harmless manner..." _leaving Mew to her gluttony, Arceus turned back to the mass of Pokémon gathered in the Grand Hall. He tried to overpower them, and force them out of the room using his will, only to find that their Sp. Defense was high enough that it managed to resist him.

"I hate game logic." he muttered bitterly, before the logic of the whole situation finally clicked with him. "Wait; this is just a dream."

Arceus then looked downwards at his own form as an, admittedly, immature thought entered his head. Rather than just banish what he deemed to be a nightmare, why not play along?

The figments of his imagination that served as the Legendaries immediately stopped what they were doing as a blinding light suddenly filled the room, forcing everyone to look away from the source of it. When the enveloping brightness finally dissipated, everyone took a look at Arceus, who looked even more regal, and ready to banish all of them to the Distortion World if they didn't leave at once. As Arceus caught the sight of Mewtwo, another childish thought entered his mind, one that resembled something more that Mew would have come up with than he would have. But, seeing as this was a dream, he could get away with that which he would normally never allow himself to in reality. Arceus immediately discharged a Hyper Beam at the Psychic in retribution, the massive beam of energy enveloping the manmade Legendary and the wall behind him in seconds, leaving nothing but a humongous, gaping whole in the wall in its wake.

Arceus, and the other Legendaries for that matter, were to busy looking on in awe and terror respectively, at the fact that Arceus' Mega/Divine Evolution was powerful enough to overcome his weakness of walls. Unfortunately, none of them noticed the cracks that were starting to form all across the room, and reacted to late when the roof fell in on them.

* * *

The white Pokemon's eyes shot open at the impact of the imaginary stone, his non-existent breathing hitched. The Pokémon immediately recollected himself, mentally berating his subconscious for coming up with such a scenario and himself for going along with it, and suffering a sneaking suspicion that Mew would have been able to get away with what he dreamed of doing.

Arceus muttered a few reassurances to himself before closing his eyes, drifting back off to sleep.

* * *

This time he found himself in what appeared to be a crowded cathedral.

Arceus blinked at that. _"Cathedral? In Pokémon? Well, there is the one in Hearthome..."_

Having settled that menial detail, the whatever unholy monstrosity his subconscious had cooked up this time continued. Arceus, much to his surprise and slight distress, found that his body seemingly moved on its own, and that its destination was towards the altar. So, until he arrived at the back of the structure, he took a look around at the other occupants to find that they appeared to be nothing more than blurs and undefined shapes. Naturally curious by that discovery, Arceus got the answer to said dilemma when he crashed face-first into the stone wall that made up the back of the building at a frightening speed. The Alpha Pokémon peeled his grey face off the material, not hurt but frustrated that, even dreaming, his inability to smash through walls that did not have the word 'fourth' in front of them remained.

Once again, he found himself being moved back to the altar, almost like a puppet being dragged along a miniature stage by a puppeteer, and this time found himself facing the edifice instead of the wall next to it. He noticed a figure standing in front of it, and after squinting finally managed to make out Darkrai's shape, along with what looked to be clerical vestments. He immediately felt a pit in the bottom of his figurative stomach form at the sight. He knew where his subconscious was taking this, but still dreading it all the same. He heard the Nightmare Pokémon utter out a series of words, unintelligible to him in the haze of his dream, and he slowly willed his fear-stricken self to look sideways.

Sure enough, Mew was floating there. That was all he needed to scream out in absolute horror.

* * *

His eyes snapped open again, and Arceus screamed at the top of his imaginary lungs. The Pokémon immediately scrambled out of his sleeping position, and ran straight towards the wall in an effort to get as far away from anything that would remind him of that nightmare, only to bounce off of it. His panic only refused to let the incoming migraine serve as a wake-up call, and rather the Pokémon escaped the confines of his chambers by exploiting the technicality that a roof was not a wall, and immediately set about firing off a rapid stream of Hyper Beams in random directions.

* * *

Mew shot upright in her bed, waking up from the nightmare in a cold sweat. She wiped the perspiration off her forehead, steadying her breathing, and immediately went right back to sleep like nothing happened, a content smile on her face.

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

Has anyone else found it odd how Sinnoh seems to be the most 'Western' region in Pokémon, even more than Unova and possibly Kalos? I just found it odd that they-

* * *

**Note from Arceus:**

Mr. Author, will you stand up please?

* * *

**Continued Note from the Author:**

_(The author looked bewildered, but did as instructed and stood up from behind his desk. He promptly exploded in a burst of smoke.)_

_(David St. Hubbins: Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year.)_


	15. At the Reviews

**Note from the Author:**

Well, the previous chapter wasn't my best. It was more of an experiment that blew up in its face, but I hope this one rede-

* * *

I thought I blew you up.

_(Arceus then pressed a large red button that read 'do not touch'.)_

* * *

**Cont. Note from the Author:**

_(The Author looked up and screamed in terror as a giant weight with the words '16 Tons' written in large white ink on the front fell on him. Despite the crushing weight, a muffled statement managed to make its way out.)_

I'm not dead yet!

_(The Author and giant weight promptly blew up.)_

* * *

Better.

_(Arceus then turned to the camera.)_

In a moment I will appear in the review.

_(Arceus suddenly disappeared.)_

Thank you.

* * *

**Note from the Co-Author:**

...Is this where the line starts?

_(A sigh from Arceus could be heard off-screen.)_

* * *

_April 1st, 2015..._

A lone Delibird nervously flew through the sky, holding his usual mail sack in his beak. Despite defying the entire biology of his species, the bird managed to land safely in Full Court before slinging his bag over his shoulder and tip-toeing towards the entrance of Kyurem's ice castle. He recalled being here a year or so ago and wished that he never had to do it again.

"M-m-mail call..." he nervously shouted into the entrance of the cave. He felt the temperature immediately drop multiple degrees as the creature came into view. Freezing winds blew out of his mouth with each breath he took, and each step sent a jolt over the Delibird's entire body. The penguin took a couple steps back, looking at the creature in horror. The creature moved ever closer to the bird as ice began covering the ground around him. The Delibird wanted to fly away in terror but was held in place by the horror of the creature. The ground around him was now completely covered in ice, and still Kyurem stepped closer, not making a noise. It wasn't until the dragon's head was inches away from the Delibird's face before the tension was broken.

"Are you going to give me the mail or what?" Kyurem asked sleepily before taking a sip of his iced coffee. The Delibird looked in both directions in confusion before giving a letter to Kyurem with a shaking flipper. Kyurem snatched it from the penguin and looked at him with mild annoyance. "What the heck is your problem?"

"A-a-aren't you g-g-going to roar at me or eat me?" The Delibird asked fearfully, as to which Kyurem rolled his eyes.

"Look, it's too early in the morning for me to-" Kyurem cut himself off and gave an ear-splitting roar right in the Delibird's face, causing the screaming penguin to frantically stumble away from the dragon before taking off into the sky, leaving his mail bag behind. Kyurem chuckled to himself before ripping the envelope in two, grabbing the halves of the paper inside and holding them together for him to read. The writing was in perfect handwriting and in cursive, causing Kyurem to squint at the paper. The letter seemed to be from none other than Arceus, leader of the legendaries himself. The note stated that Kyurem was required to report at the Hall of Origin immediately. After reading the letter, Kyurem sighed, threw the papers on the ground and turned back towards his castle.

"I'm going to an alternate dimension to converse with a Demi-God!" he presumably yelled to the lead Cryogonal. "I'll probably be late, so go ahead and make dinner!"

"M'kay," was the response from inside the castle. Kyurem nodded and headed out of Full Court, finishing off his iced coffee.

...

Kyurem marched up the steps to the Hall of Origin and towards the golden gate that marked the entrance of the home of Arceus the Critic. The dragon pondered how he had gotten to this other dimension beyond time and space, but decided that he had more important matters to take care of. The only reason the demi-god Pokemon would call him to his palace would be because of the incident around Christmas time where he had not-so-accidentally stolen from Arceus and broke down some of the walls of his house. One of his Cryogonal had thrown Arceus' toothbrush in the toilet, but that was completely unrelated to Kyurem's actions. Besides, considering that Arceus had no mouth, he probably didn't notice.

The ice dragon reached the entrance and tried to slam the doors open, only to find that they were to be pulled from the outside. Kyurem growled and tried to reach the handles above his head, only to find that his short arms just couldn't reach.

* * *

"Hello again." Arceus said in his usual stuffy manner before turning away from the supposedly non-existent camera and to the large doors across from his throne. His senses managed to detect an icy, chilling presence on the other side that normally would have terrified lesser men and Pokémon, but to him it was simply expected. He willed the massive doors to open, causing them to creak as they parted, saving Kyurem from the trouble of having to try to use his rather stubby arms to open them. The Ice Dragon took a few earth shattering steps forward, his mere presence causing the temperature in the room to drop, his every breath exerting an icy air that chilled its surroundings.

"Why did you summon me, Arceus? If this is about the degree and your wall-" Arceus' eyes narrowed at the memory, his face only betraying a slight irritation, and the pseudo-deity floated down from his radiant throne.

"No, it is not. I have deigned to permit you to retain it. Rather I have called you here to apologize myself."

"Then you can shove it up your-" Kyurem blinked as Arceus' words sunk in. "Wait, what?"

Arceus nodded, electing to overlook what he was about to say. "Yes; it has come to my attention that Mew teleported that human from the beginning of the season to your castle rather than his campsite, and though he helped you, I still must apologize for the inconvenience."

"Where have you been for the past five months?"

"Here, in my abode, for the majority of it. And in a short state of madness, but I believe that to be through." Kyurem blinked.

"Right... If that's all then, I should be going." The massive dragon turned around, preparing to leave.

"There is one more thing; and I believe that it would do you well to take interest." Kyurem stopped mid-stomp and turned back around.

"Fine. But stop talking like that." Arceus shot him a look that said 'You're pushing it', before floating around.

"Very well," he said in the same neutral tone that gave little indication to his own thoughts, something that barely managed to concerned the other critic present. "Follow me."

Rather than actually go anywhere, Arceus' wheel glowed a golden hue before both Pokémon vanished in a brilliant flash of light, the two being teleported into a title sequence.

* * *

When Kyurem opened his eyes, he found himself and Arceus outside a large movie theater, with a whimsical number playing in the background. The giant Ice Dragon, completely unaware of the panicking masses around him, glanced up at the at the sign to see what was playing.

**At T****he Reviews**

**With Kyurem the Critic and Arceus the Critic**

Arceus noticed the sign as well, and while Kyurem was too busy trying to figure out what was happening, Arceus used his reality warping powers to 'correct' the sign.

**At The Reviews**

**With Arceus the Critic and Kyurem the Critic**

While Kyurem frowned at the sudden change, Arceus floated up to the box office and present a sheet of paper to the awed teller inside. The man quickly produced an orange ticket with his name on it, and Arceus mentally grabbed it before heading inside the building, resulting in the entire structure immediately becoming quiet. Kyurem walked up to the box office as well, his steps coming off more as stomps, and snarled at the teller while banging his stubby claw on the counter. The man promptly fainted, a similar orange ticket ejecting from the machine with the Legend's name on it, though it was spelled 'Kyurim'. Kyurem went inside the theater as well, rolling his eyes. Everyone in the lobby promptly screamed and ran out.

Arceus floated up to the now vacant concessions counter, materializing a briefcase from nowhere, and opened it up to reveal a bucket of popcorn, a soda and a box of Junior Mints inside, as well as a copy of a newspaper on the bottom. Arceus salted the bucket of popcorn while Kyurem went up to a vending machine that conveniently sold notepads, unleashed an Ice Beam on the glass, and punched through it, grabbing the reporters notes in the process.

Arceus then galloped up the stairs of the theater to the showing room, levitated briefcase in tow, while Kyurem slowly marched up them, taking a quick look over his shoulder as he reached the landing, swatting away a Pokeball that was thrown at him and firing an Ice Beam in the direction of the Pokeball's trajectory before heading up the second flight. The two critics found themselves on a balcony facing a large projection screen, and Arceus floated over to the pathetically proportioned seat on his side. His eyes flashed for a moment, and both his and Kyurem's standard movie seats were replaced with their respective thrones.

Kyurem gave a gruff acknowledgement before looking at the screen as it began to flicker to life, before quickly shutting off as Kyurem decided to interrogate his partner.

"Okay, Arceus. You dragged me all the way through that parody, so you might as well tell me what we're reviewing together."

"A... story. If it could even be called that. Given the fact that your Critiquing Diploma is still revoked I hesitated to bring you in, but I thought it only just given the circumstances." Kyurem turned to face the pseudo-deity, his yellow eyes piercing through the darkness.

"Circumstances? Just?"

"Yes. I warn you; this involves you in a-" Arceus began before shaking his head. Not that anyone could make it out given the fact that the lights were dimmed and the review hadn't begun due to the dialogue. "Perhaps it would just be easier to show you."

Kyurem crossed his arms and sat back in his throne, staring at the massive screen. "Fine. But pass me that popcorn. It's not like you can eat it, anyway." Arceus levitated the briefcase to the Ice Dragon, and the screen finally came to life as the review began. The opening sequence started, showing a long scrawl of dialogue slowly making it's way up the screen while the Star Wars theme played in the background.

* * *

_A not-so long time ago, in a fandom far, far away..._

_At the Reviews:_

_Episode I (of I):_

* * *

The third member of the Tao Trio craned his long neck to the Alpha Pokémon's side. "Is this part of the fanfiction, Arceus?"

"No, but I thought it would be fun to change up the mandatory introductory information."

* * *

_N the king of team plasma: Attack of Kyurem_

_By: gemerl720 post_

* * *

"Hold on!" Kyurem proclaimed, stubby claw extended towards the screen. "Isn't the same author who wrote that terribly trilogy about Genesect and game consoles that I never read about? Didn't he have a nervous breakdown after reading them!?"

Arceus sighed. "Yes, that's the one." Kyurem's yellow eyes widened slightly.

"And you mean to tell me she wrote a story about _me_?" the question came out half disturbed foreboding, half angry snarl.

"Yep." the equine Pokémon replied neutrally. Kyurem sighed.

"We're doomed."

* * *

_N likes his Kyurem a lot that he can annihilate Lacunosa town. Although, this is also a story of my opinions of the orgins of the Tao trio, excluding the DNA splicers. This is not the sequel of "N the king of team plasma," it is a spin off short story about N and Kyurem. Kyurem has many unique moves; even moves that are led from Reshiram and Zekrom._

* * *

Arceus furrowed his non-existent eyebrows. "What? When did N- Oh, so it's about their organs, you say? Well; that gives a whole new meaning to the DNA Splicers." Kyurem shrugged, swallowing a bit of the popcorn he was eating.

"To be honest, I'm not sure I'm qualified to talk about the Splicers, considering the writers of my movie forgot about them. On regards to the title, though, allow me to point out that one normally doesn't give a completely different story the exact same title of another one."

"Well, apparently it's a spinoff of that, so we'll have to deal with an entirely different brand of nonsense. With that said; why don't we dive headfirst into this story and see how fast it can butcher your character, shall we?"

* * *

_In Lacunosa Town, there was a comet hurling to the forest &amp; it is about to crash the mountains. "I said 'there was a comet hurling to the forest &amp; it is about to crash the mountains!'" Said N. "Cue the comet." "Oh, sorry." Said Alder._

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon grunted, crossing his arms and narrowing his piercing eyes slighty.

"And we're off to a great start. I don't think I've ever seen a more confusing introduction since I fell asleep with the TV on and woke up to an anime theme song." Arceus gave a nod in agreement.

"I think most Elementary School plays are better coordinated than this."

* * *

_The comet flies into the sky hurling to the earth that led to impact on the mountains. Then, it left into a crater; the giant chasm._

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon blinked. "What? It flies into the sky, but hurls towards the earth and leaves an impact on the mountains before going into a crater?"

_(Jerry Seinfeld: That is one magic loogie.)_

"Agreed. The Magic Bullet Theory makes more sense than that." Kyurem replied with a slight nod.

* * *

_Deep in the Giant Chasm, there was a monster inside the shell of a comet; Kyurem._

* * *

Kyurem's face contorted into a mixture of confusion, disbelief and anger. "...Why the heck did I come from space? Isn't that Deoxy's thing?"

"I gave up hope this story would make sense at the summary, to be frank." Arceus stated with a sigh.

* * *

_N befriends Kyurem &amp; captures it with a master ball._

* * *

"No action to be had here, kiddies. There is absolutely _nothing_ about that sentence that warrants further description." the Ice Dragon commented.

"Why would N even have a Master Ball to begin with? Ghestis is supposed to be the hypocrite, not him!" Arceus exclaimed, tapping one of his golden hooves against the floor for emphasis.

* * *

_He left the giant chasm when; abruptly, the shell had terraformed into the original dragon before Reshiram and Zekrom separated._

* * *

"Kyurem _is_ the original drag-" the Normal Type began, only to cut himself off with a perplexed look overtaking his features. "Wait; did the author just call you a type of terrain?"

Kyurem crossed his small arms indignantly. "I'm more of a husk of what the original dragon was, thank you very much. And I am definitely not a planet that can now sustain life."

* * *

_N sends out Kyurem and he led the powers of the original dragon. Then, Kyurem begins to attack Lacunosa Town. The original dragon flies away out of the Giant Chasm to fly to the Dragonspiral Tower._

* * *

The third member of the Tao Trio scratched the top of his icy head.

"'He led the powers of the original dragon?' I would think of a joke for this, but I don't think you can use that sentence in any way. I mean, what is- oh wait they're both gone."

"Not for long, sadly."

* * *

_Meanwhile, back in Lacunosa Town. Kyurem mercilessly used Glaciate in every structure of the town. "Freeze them!" Ordered N. Glaciate is more stronger than icy wind, which is more like a stronger blizzard._

* * *

Arceus just stared at the screen blankly, trying to process what had just happened. "What? I... I'm at a loss. It's just there. Why is N attacking Lacunosa Town? How many innocent Pokémon were in those houses? How is Icy Wind stronger than Blizzard? What did the author have before writing this?" Kyurem grumbled morosely.

"I don't know, but I think I'm going to need some to get through this story."

* * *

_Kyurem used shadow claw at the buildings of this town. "Hmm, what to do next?" Questioned N to himself._

* * *

"Let me think..." Arceus began, eyes tilted upwards. "End this terrible story by unleashing Kyurem on the author, perhaps? No, no... That would be too clever. Just have Kyurem kill some people; because a pointless massacre was always what N wanted."

* * *

_"Aha! Kyurem, use ice beam at the citizens of Lacunosa Town &amp; eat them frozen."_

* * *

"This _is_ supposed to be a theory about the Tao trio? Could this story drift off-topic anymore?" the Normal type across from Kyurem sighed.

"You _really_ shouldn't have asked that..."

* * *

_N is still wearing a golden crown &amp; a white robe, but he left his scepter at his castle._

* * *

Arceus blinked hopelessly, before lowering his head. "Did he come straight from his coronation? Is mascaraing a town the equivalent of an afterparty for him?"

* * *

_Kyurem forms a cyan blue ball from its mouth &amp; launched multiple beams of ice at innocent people into ice cubes. Then, he crunched them as a snack._

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon growled angrily, pointing an accusatory finger at the screen with a snarl. "That is a completely dramatized and insulting portrayal of me! How could I, Kyurem, do something so vile and dishonorable?"

Arceus shot him a deadpan look, causing Kyurem to scratch the back of his head.

"...Okay, there was that one time in the sixties, but you have to understand the time period."

* * *

_At the Dragonspiral tower, the hero of truth and the hero of ideal encounters the original dragon. All of a sudden, it separated into Reshiram and Zekrom. The ideal hero obtained Zekrom while the truth hero obtained Reshiram. It will be an epic battle between two dragons about to use Fusion bolt and Fusion flare._

* * *

"But we won't get to see what was promising to be a magnificent flop because we have to pan back to bad caricatures of N and Kyurem terrorizing a town for the sake of it." Arceus commented.

* * *

_"Are you ready to use your ultimate form?" Asked N. Kyurem purrs and nodded that he is ready._

* * *

"Ultimate form? Now that's-" Kyurem stopped for a moment and blinked, his expression quickly contorting into one of rage. "Wait a minute, I PURRED?! This is not Giovanni and his Persian!"

* * *

_Kyurem's tail creates a ball with a cyan and orange yin and yang symbol. Kyurem begins to transform into a horrible tremendous form of him. "I love Kyurem!" Cackled N. Kyurem had transformed into Ultimate Kyurem; in fans also known as Perfect Kyurem, Full Kyurem, etc.. (Ultimate Kyurem link: watch?v=8nIyITg1u8I)_

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon stared on in horror. "Was... this author not only so lazy she couldn't even bother to describe Kyurem's fanmade form, but couldn't even bother to make sure she had a complete link for it?"

Kyurem shrugged, lips pursed into a displeased scowl. "You can't do something like that on accident. I refuse to believe it."

* * *

_Then, he plugs its turbine tail &amp; fires an orange dragon breath like attack with a spiraling thunderbolt and ice beam around the flare; ultimate tri attack._

* * *

"Wait a minute, my ultimate attack isn't even a new move?! Now that's just insulting!" Kyurem exclaimed, throwing his stubby arms into the air.

"She probably forgot to add in the link and just decided to ad lib it..." Arceus muttered bitterly.

* * *

_"Burn baby, Burn!" Cackled N. Half of Lacunosa Town is destroyed._

* * *

"Incredible... Half of Lacunosa Town is destroyed... Half of Lacunosa Town is destroyed... Half of Lacunosa Town is destroyed..." Arceus' head jerked to the side as he continued repeat that phrase mindlessly like a broken, monotone record. Kyurem slowly reached over and tapped the side of the Normal Type's head, causing him to stop and his red eyes to flash for a second.

* * *

N, dressed in a stereotypical business suit and holding a leather briefcase, opened the door and walked into his house.

"Hi, honey! I'm home!" his call was greeted by his wife, clad in a stained apron, meeting him in the doorway.

"Hello dear, how was your day?" the brunette asked before retreating back into the kitchen, N following her.

"Oh fine, thanks for asking," he commented as he placed the briefcase on the table and let out a breath. "I got a raise, the bakery had some of those Pecha Berry muffins you like, and half of Lacunosa Town was destroyed."

Hilda hummed, stirring around the contents of the pot she was leaning over. "Well, that sounds nice. I hope the drive wasn't too bad today."

"Not at all. So, what's for dinner?"

* * *

Kyurem blinked, unsure of what just happened, before quickly recomposing himself.

"In any case, N and Kyurem go to Dragonspiral Tower and are about to face off with Zekrom and Reshiram."

* * *

_"Could it be...? The original dragon's power led to the boundary pokemon? Ultimate Kyurem?!" Reacted the hero of truth._

* * *

The Ice Dragon scratched the top of his head. "...The heck is a boundary Pokémon?"

"I'm assuming it's the thing that is keeping logic out of the plot." Arceus, who was eerily calm, commented.

* * *

_Ultimate Kyurem roars and plugs its tail and charges its tail and used Fusion flare at Zekrom. After a wanton Fusion flare, Zekrom spins its turbine tail and used a super charged Fusion bolt, hurling to Ultimate Kyurem._

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon let out a depressed sigh, his head lowering slightly. Kyurem rolled his eyes (not that anyone could tell).

"Hey, at least we're going to see a fight scene. Perhaps it'll be a half-decent fight scene."

* * *

_"If you want me, then you have to chase me." Said N. Ultimate Kyurem flies away from Zekrom and accidentally locked on Reshiram; the powered up Fusion bolt attacked Reshiram._

* * *

Kyurem smiled hopelessly. "Well then... Maybe we'll get to see the Heroes chasing-"

* * *

_Ultimate Kyurem turned back to normal revealing a king on top of Kyurem. "You must be the hero of boundary." Said the hero of truth._

* * *

"Wait, what?!"

* * *

_"You must be the hero of boundary."_

* * *

Both Legendaries blinked.

_(Constitutional Peasant: Well I didn't vote for you.)_

* * *

_"No, you must be the hero of the master of Reshiram and Zekrom." Criticized the hero of ideal. "That's right, I have Kyurem. He is just right rather than Reshiram and Zekrom. Borrow the powers of the two dragons to Kyurem I implore."_

* * *

Arceus lowered his head.

"Please tell me he's not about to sing."

* * *

_Kyurem leads Reshiram and Zekrom's powers to Kyurem and then; Zekrom was weak with the lack of energy and the hero of ideal walks away. Even Reshiram was weak too and the hero of truth walks away._

* * *

Kyurem growled and threw up his arms. "You're just walking away?! Doesn't the fate of Unova rest on you defeating N or something like that?"

The Alpha Pokémon sighed dejectedly. "I think even the characters have given up all hope in this story."

* * *

_"Kyurem, transform into White Kyurem." Commanded N. Kyurem creates a fiery orange ball on its tail and transforms into White Kyurem. "Success, now let's get back to Lacunosa Town." Said N. White Kyurem plugs its tail and heats up the tail and flies back to Lacunosa Town with an orange trail from its tail._

* * *

"You mean to tell me the entire point of that scene was just to have an excuse for White Kyurem to destroy Lacunosa Town!?" Arceus' eyes flashed for a moment, and Kyurem shifted somewhat uncomfortably in his throne.

* * *

_The town is developing a fortification wall around the town while repairing the town. "Drat! The town is repairing; quick, use fissure to break in." Ordered N. White Kyurem flies into the sky and lands on its foot and it made a fissure that the beam hits the walls and shatters._

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon rolled his eyes. "First of all, you were gone for all of ten minutes. Second of all, I can't learn Fissure. It would've taken two seconds to look that up!"

* * *

_"Show me your moves Kyurem, use flamethrower."_

* * *

This time the Ice Dragon frowned. "You are not Captain Falcon." Arceus nodded in agreement.

"Not to mention Kyurem 'showing off his moves' is the only thing that has been going on this entire story."

* * *

_White Kyurem spews out fire and burns down the town and the people were fried. "Eat them cooked, eat them raw." Pointed N. White Kyurem then eats the burnt and un-burnt citizens._

* * *

Kyurem slowly blinked, a look of horror spreading across his frozen face. "So let me get this straight; N pointed at something, giving me an order to use Flamethrower, a move that I am unable to learn, on the townsfolk until they were fried and cooked. Then Kyurem ate the "un-burnt" citizens as well as the deep-fried ones?"

The Ice Dragon then slammed a stubby claw into the armrest of his throne, cracking the material, while letting out an angry snarl. "I've never seen such bad writing invoke such a disgust in me. And I review Creepypastas!" the Ice Dragon took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat, arms crossed.

"Though I'm feeling more indigestion than terror at this point." he muttered.

* * *

_He used dragon claw at the buildings to slice them; then falls off. "Burn them to another dust: That means, use blue flare." Translated N. White Kyurem plugs its tail and heats up. Kyurem used blue flare by spewing a blue stream of fire. "Fire fire, I see blue flare everywhere." Expressed N._

* * *

"Is the author trying to get expressive now? After making a Pokemon devour an entire city of humans?" Kyurem remarked with no small amount of false joy. Arceus deadpanned.

"Either that is the author's equivalent of being expressive or whatever she had before writing this is starting to kick in or wear off."

* * *

_Abruptly, Zekrom joins the battle with White Kyurem. "How did you regain your energy?" Questioned N._

* * *

Arceus raised a non-existent eyebrow. "Plot convenience?"

* * *

_The hero of ideal told me that it took a while to regain my powers." Replied Zekrom._

* * *

The Normal Type blinked. "Okay... But how did you bound back? And more importantly; why would you want to?"

"To have an actually halfway-decent fight scene, of course." Kyurem remarked.

* * *

_"Finish him! Use Ice burn, White Kyurem." Commanded N._

* * *

Kyurem frowned. "This move makes as much sense as Volcanion does."

* * *

_It then releases multiple reddish-purple beams of energy at Zekrom. When it hits Zekrom, it is frozen. And the rest of the town is on fire and frozen from the ice burn._

* * *

"Which is demonstrated here." the Ice Dragon commented, extending a claw.

* * *

_Reshiram joins the battle with White Kyurem; however, White Kyurem turns into Black Kyurem. "How did you redeem you energy?" Wondered N._

* * *

Arceus sighed. "The energy may be 'redeemable', but this story is not."

* * *

_"The hero of truth did the same thing to me as Zekrom did with the ideal hero." Replied Reshiram. "Black Kyurem, use Bolt strike." Commanded N._

* * *

Arceus' eyes brightened somewhat.

"Ah, so apparently the Heroes have some sort of undisclosed, plot-convenient macguffin that can magically 'redeem' energy for nonsensical fight scenes and bad dialogue." his voice was dripping with sarcasm, but he quickly dropped the veneer and turned to his cohort.

"Also, Kyurem, don't you find it strange that, despite being one of the most important characters in this 'story', you have not yet had a single line of dialogue, and yet N will talk to Reshiram and Zekrom?" the Ice Dragon shrugged, too busy wolfing down the last of the popcorn to comment. He finally cleared his throat.

"Anyway, the two Pokemon continue their battle."

* * *

_Black Kyurem plugs its tail and charges its tail while its tail glows cyan while surrounding itself with an cyan electric aura, an ability called teravolt._

* * *

Kyurem scratched the top of his head. "Why did the author decide to get descriptive now after posting an unfinished link to do the work for him?"

* * *

_"I need a shockingly tasty move after Fusion flare; aha, use Fusion bolt!" Ordered N._

* * *

Kyurem grunted. "The words "Cilan" and "funny" appear as antonyms in a thesaurus, and unfortunately N is neither."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, but 'homicidal maniac' and 'off-topic' would suit quite nicely. Speaking of which:"

* * *

_N cackles maniacally that Kyurem is just right rather than Reshiram and Zekrom. "When I come to the Pokemon League, I can kick Alder's butt with my Kyurem." Said N. "Hey! You don't need to say that." Replied Alder. "Get back on the studio." Demanded N. Alder walks to the effects panel._

* * *

"What just happened? I thought we were in the middle of a confusing and indecisive battle, how did Alder get here?" Arceus exclaimed, blinking in shock. The Boundary Pokémon sighed.

"Whatever happened, we then go back to said confusing and indecisive battle."

* * *

_"I see you." Said N. "Black Kyurem use thunder bolt." N whispered._

* * *

Kyurem's piercing eyes narrowed. "Why is he whispering now? Is he trying to be creepy or something?"

"Maybe we should add 'bipolar' to that list," Arceus commented. "Regardless, it just drags on until Kyurem overcomes the two."

* * *

_Black Kyurem turns back to normal and Kyurem jumps into the air and he used Dragon pulse by firing a fiery orange beam of fire. The town is melted then flooded. Lacunosa Town became nothing but water. Kyurem then lands on the water._

* * *

"Frozen, melted, burned, flooded, earthquake'd, all we need is a tornado to complete the four elements! And only at the expense of hundreds of lives." Kyurem exclaimed cheerfully, before his gaze darkened. "Of course, we all know that there's nothing better than a middle-finger-to-the-audience ending."

Arceus nodded in agreement.

"And how can one end such a story?"

* * *

_Hilbert visits the flooded place and he says "How do you like your simulation room?" He presses the button to turn off the simulation room into black background with green wireframes. "The simulation room installed in my castle was great. Kyurem, return." Replied N. He uses his master ball and used the beam to return Kyurem into N's master ball. He minimizes his master ball and attaches his master ball into his necklace and leaves the simulation room, even Alder and Hilbert._

* * *

Arceus let out one final, weary sigh. "Yep; try, and fail miserably, to rip off Inception."

* * *

_The End._

* * *

"Mercifully, though I'm not certain my eyesight will ever be the same again." the pseudo deity said. "Now, why don't we talk about what's wrong with this story, or rather; what wasn't wrong with it?"

Kyurem gave a hesitant grunt in agreement. "Redeemable factors in this fiction are as rare as Pokémon anime continuity. If anything, though, at least it didn't end with N melting all of Unova with his "Ultimate Kyurem." I'm not giving the ending any credit, however."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded in return. "Agreed. But, for all of it's awkward spelling and grammar, horrid plot and character, and even the fact that it goes completely off topic; what was supposed to be an attempt to explain the Tao Trio's backstory just dissolved into a bunch of mindless violence that would make Michael Bay blush, those aren't the real problems with this story. Alone, those would actually make this story enjoyable, because it would at least be fun to laugh at. But it's not. It's a confusing and painful chore to read. Why?"

Arceus stopped for a second as if he was a teacher in an imaginary classroom waiting for an answer before carrying on. "It's quite simple, sadly; there's no effort put into it. Even bad stories that have no value outside of being good for laughing at will still usually have some effort put into them, intentionally or otherwise. This doesn't. The author can't even bother to describe one of the most important aspects of her story; she just posts a link for it and doesn't even bother to make sure it's a complete one. This is writing for the sake of writing, and that is what makes it downright bad."

"All in all, this story fails both on paper and in practice. Starting with the idea, which can be summed up with 'Kyurem completely destroys Lacunosa Town via different forms' is a very basic and, frankly, stupid plot for a story. For such a gruesome idea, though, it's actually yawn-inducing when in writing form. It would be like reading the script for a Godzilla movie rather than watching a man in a fat suit try and destroy buildings. The author states that he's giving a theory on the Tao Trio, but the closest thing I saw was some made up 'Ultimate Kyurem.'" Kyurem said, crossing his short arms, his piercing eyes narrowing slightly in disgust.

"The actual story, however, manages to be worse. Like you said, the lack of description and laziness of the writer, as well as some out-of-place comedy manage to completely destroy whatever atmosphere this story could manage to build. The best reaction this story can provide is a scoff at its more outrageous bits."

"That sums it up in a nutshell. So, with that out of the way, we-" Arceus cut himself off and furrowed his non-existent brow slightly, before turning to Kyurem. "Do you hear something?"

Before Kyurem could even reply, the roof between their two thrones caved in, sending tiles, dirt, stone and pebbles downwards in a shower. Arceus closed his eyes as a particularly large chunk of roof hit his head, while Kyurem grunted and swiped away a few of the pebbles, only for the dust to engulf both of them. As it settled down, the two could make out a shadow in between them, one that had seemingly materialized in the aftermath. Before either could question who it was, the dust began to settle, revealing none of than Genesect. He stepped forward as Kyurem opened his mouth to question the appearance of the Angry Bug, who was now muttering binary code like a mantra, before the cannon attached to it's back unfolded. The Bug and Steel Type cackled as it unleashed a Techno Blast on the projector screen, completely melting it, and then proceeded to fold itself back up and blast another hole through the roof as it made its getaway. The two other critics stayed silent for a while after that, both looking up at the second hole Genesect had made, before Arceus cleared his throat.

"I was actually expecting the Crobat, to be honest. Now; back to the Hall."

* * *

Mew was sitting in the middle of the pristine Grand Hall at the base of a board game, surrounded by stuffed dolls. In particular, stuffed dolls of Arceus, Ash, Pikachu, Sir Aaron, Lucario, Mewtwo, and Masamune. She vigorously shook her cupped paws close to her head, before shooting down and launching the dice across the cardboard, knocking over a few over pieces as they came to a stop. The Psychic Type frowned slightly at the dice before her eyes flashed a blue hue, immediately causing one of them to flip over and a smile to break out on her face. For a moment, she swore the doll of Arceus scowled at her, but she pushed the thought aside, before reaching over and moving one of the pieces around the board.

"Watch and learn, imbeciles!" she exclaimed in a disturbingly spot-on impersonation of the Warlord of Avia. "Now that I've bought Join Avenue, the entire western side of the board is mine!"

A sudden burst of light interrupted the bout of maniacal laughter she had let out after that, and at seeing Arceus, who had been missing all morning, and Kyurem suddenly materialize, she immediately shoved the assortment around her behind one of the many identical columns. The two eyed her at the commotion, and needing a distraction, she gaped.

"WOW! You're Kyurem! Can I have your autograph? Please?" she then materialized a notepad and pen from nowhere, holding them up to the Ice Dragon who merely snorted dismissively, while Arceus looked on in a subtle offense.

"Sure, whatever." the Boundary Pokémon muttered grumpily, reaching for the writing utensils only to fail. Kyurem grunted in frustration, unleashing an Ice Beam on the notepad, causing Mew to abruptly drop it.

"There," he remarked, before turning back to Arceus. "This was fun, Arceus, but I need to get back to Full Court." Arceus gave a grateful nod in understanding, and Kyurem turned to leave.

* * *

Arceus sighed wistfully as Kyurem walked out of the hall, the doors closing behind him. Mew took notice of his downwards stare and weary stance, and floated up to him, maneuvering herself to come underneath his gaze.

"What's wrong, Arcy?" The equine Pokémon let out a dry, hollow chuckle at her question.

"I'm just a bit nostalgic, Mew, nothing more."

"Nostalgic?" Arceus nodded.

"Yes. I'm just... thinking back to better days. Back when there were only four reviewers; Keldeo, the colt who started it all, Kyurem, the grouch who was begrudgingly inspired by him but still managed to be unique, Genesect, the Angry Bug who reviewed the nonsense and lengthy stories none of us dared to, and finally me; the awkward the newbie who became a complete rip-off of Keldeo and couldn't crack a joke for his life. Our circle was short and tight knit; we all bounced off each other and learned from one another. But now, fast forward some years later; Keldeo is gone, I fear reviewing has gone the way of the Dark Ash Persona, and I, despite not having changed much, am left to carry on his section of reviewing." Arceus then let out another mirthless chuckle.

"But I can never replace Keldeo, let alone do him justice." Mew smiled dryly, eyes closed and head titled to the side.

"So you should stop thinking of yourself as just a rip-off of him, Arcy, and acknowledge that you've become your own person. Besides; you're starting to sound like an old man." Arceus tilted his head downwards finally meeting Mew's visage, his equivalent of an eyebrow raised in a strange cross between amusement and offense.

"No, you're right; I need to lighten up. I can't replace Keldeo, not that I had any pretenses about doing such... But I suppose I can act as a really bad substitute for him until he comes back." his comment elicited a few snickers from the pink Pokémon before him.

"Did you just... tell a joke, Arcy? One that was funny?" Arceus lifted his gaze, an eyebrow raised in the best 'What is that supposed to mean?' look he could muster, before his eyes softened and another chuckle escaped him.

"Perhaps... But don't get used to it." the Alpha Pokémon then turned around, beginning to float back into the depths of the hall before stopping abruptly. His head craned back slightly, recapturing Mew's image, who immediately stopped her mid-air acrobatics to meet it.

"And Mew... Thank you."

**The End:**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Mr. Grool_

_DragonNiro_

_**Credits:**_

_Siskel &amp; Ebert/At the Movies_

_Star Wars_

_The Angry Bug Show_

_Seinfeld: The Boyfriend_

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

_Super Smash Bros_

_Inception_

_Godzilla_

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

_(The Author poked his head around a corner.)_

Is it safe?

_(When nothing happened to him, he took a cautious step out from behind his cover, immediately flinching in preparation for something pythonesque to befall him. When nothing did, he opened his eyes and slowly took his seat behind his desk.)_

Pythonesque is an actual word by the way.

I just want to give out another big 'thank you' to Mr. Grool for making the first ever Pokémon Critic crossover possible, and to the style of _Siskel &amp; Ebert _(_At the Movies_) no less, and would recommend taking a look at his version on _Kyurem the Critic _as well, if you want to see this chapter's ending through a bit of a different perspective. And, true to form, I'd also like to announce I've gone back and revised chapter nine as well to be more comprehensive and coherent. Hopefully that will be the last time I have to revise an editorial which is now dangerously close to being 10,000 words long.

_(The author leaned back in his chair, letting out a relieved sigh.)_

You know, I really was expecting the Spanish Inquisition to barge in and-

_(Three men in matching red uniforms suddenly charged into the room and surrounded the author.)_

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Not even the author! Cardinal Biggles! Cardinal Fang! Take him to... the Jerry Springer reruns!"

_(A menacing chord struck as the three hauled the author out of his chair and dragged him away, who was kicking and pleading for his life, causing the chapter to end due to the lack of someone writing it. Meanwhile, Arceus just chuckled darkly at the scene.)_


	16. Editorial 5

Greetings. Today, I would like to talk about something I have mentioned ad nauseam before: Generation V. Now I, and a sizeable portion of the fans at that, have made it no secret that Generation V as a whole is viewed as being rather lackluster, having concluded the brilliance of Generation IV, which can be ascribed as being something of a Golden Age for Pokémon, at a frightening pace.

But I'm not going to talk about what it did wrong (well, try not to pan it at least), since most fans of Pokémon, including those who enjoyed it, can acknowledge the basics of where it went wrong. Rather, and in a strange twist of irony, I'm going to play devil's advocate and talk about what it did _right_. Yes, it's quite easy to point out what was bad. The amount of complaints that arose about X and Y after its hype died down are testament to that. But, every Generation has some good in it, and I would like to shift through Generation V to bring it out. Again, much like the first editorial, this will be focused on the Generation as a whole.

**Arceus the Critic**

**What Generation V Did Right**

* * *

**Number 1: Team Rocket, the Plasma Arc and Bianca**

The Anime was probably the most disliked aspect of Generation V, and with good reason. Unless you happened to be a Negaishipper, Iris' rather... combative personality became grating quickly, as did her constant berating of Ash. And, regardless of whether or not someone was a Negaishipper, the writers making Ash a dense idiot once again, after having him develop and grow stronger, become more intelligent, and even somewhat mature over the Hoenn, Battle Frontier and Sinnoh animes (essentially throwing away more than half a decade's worth of character development), replacing Pikachu's Volt Tackle with Electro Ball and having him lose to a Snivy in the first episode after having recently bested a Latios, and then having them lose in the Pokémon League to a rookie who didn't even remember how many Pokémon he was supposed to bring, was universally detested. And even ignoring the fact the writers hit the reset button for some unexplained reason (most likely to keep with the theme of Unova being a new start for Pokémon, but that's still not a _good_ reason), there's still the matter of a certain Water Type starter...

Needless to say, Unova's Anime was arguably the weakest out of them all when it came to character.

But I can't really say the same when it came to plot.

One of the things that was pretty contested was Team Rocket's makeover in the first half of the series. After taking credit for eliminating Team Galatic in the Sinnoh Anime, which was such a threat that they were the first team to be arrested en masse at defeat, Giovanni decided to promote his chronically incompetent underlings into special operatives. If the writers hit the reset button with Ash, they at least shifted their developmental focus' to eam Rocket. For the first time in Pokémon history, the Team Rocket Trio went from comic relief to genuine threat. Their plots were cunning, intricate, and successful at multiple parts, their goals were far more serious, and the trio themselves were presented as a force to be reckoned with, even against Team Plasma. Sadly, given the fact that they were no longer the comic relief, which also meant that Wobbuffet was sadly cut from Unova, they had to substitute that with Iris calling Ash a little kid. So, even if the change in Team Rocket turned out to have a significant drawback, their temporary competence and development was a very welcome change that made the Unova anime enjoyable whenever they stepped on the scene.

Then there was the first half of _Adventures in Unova_: the Plasma Arc. Building off the rather strong Meloetta arc prior, this long overdue introduction of the regional villains was what, for a time, made the Unova anime consistently enjoyable. The introduction of N, who provided a unique dynamic and perspective to Ash's group, Team Plasma, who discarded the rhetoric of BW and embodied their BW2 roles, and Colress, who represented a bit of a unique element as an anti-villain, made the Unova Anime take a turn for the enjoyable. While it's no secret that whenever Pokémon brings in its villainous team for the region, the sudden conflict makes the show all the more enjoyable (as _Galactic Battles_, arguably the strongest season of the Sinnoh anime, attests to), the first half of the new season was such a stark departure from the quality of the previous that it could be considered to have been a sub-series of its own. Despite the fact that the anime transitioned into the Decalore Arc, which was decent but mainly just filler until X and Y, the Plasma Arc was undeniably enjoyable and well written.

Bianca was the comic relief character that was actually enjoyable. In a season that was devoid of almost any of the humorous moments that Team Rocket was known for, Bianca was used to act as a stand-in. And, somehow, despite Unova being lackluster in character, it worked. Perhaps it's simply silver lining in comparison to the rest of the rather dry anime, this magnificent klutz was always capable of providing humorous, groan-worthy situations in a series that was generally devoid of them, and somehow managed to further her character in the process.

Overall, though the Unova anime measured up poorly against its predecessors, particularly Sinnoh, it still had its good parts; particularly the villains, and, when it put effort to it, the plots.

**Number 2: The Soundtracks**

While this was touched upon in a previous editorial, I simply feel the need to point it out again: regardless of the quality of the games, Unova's soundtracks were consistently good, particularly the latter tracks in the original Black and White. Route 10 is one of the most memorable route tracks, one of the few to have been chosen as a remix into Super Smash Bros, and some detractors have gone so far as to jokingly comment that it was the best part of the game (though no one can offer an explanation for why it was removed in BW2). As Generation IV marked the shift in Pokémon's interest from mechanics and balance to plot and character, it also put an increased emphasis on music (an emphasis that had carried over from Generation III) due to the clearer and more advanced sound that came with the DS, resulting in some of the most memorable tracks over the course of Hoenn, Sinnoh and Unova.

**Number 3: Team Plasma**

As mentioned before, the villains were another good feature of Generation V. Plasma, in many ways, was a successor to Galactic. Again building off Generation IV's policies when it came to villains, this well-remembered group served not only as the primary antagonists for Unova, but the struggle against them was the actual plot in the first Unova games. Much like Galatic, they disguised their true designs behind a benevolent façade to give them a moral superiority (even from themselves, as was demonstrated), one that even has your character and rivals questioning themselves at times, and were constantly presented as more than just some passing threat that could be easily brushed aside. The fact that Ghestis manipulated events for N to obtain the Legendary Pokémon and later to become Champion, forcing the final showdown not with Alder but with his proxy, and even as his bid to rule Unova failed, he still managed to escape, shows that he was not only irredeemable; but a genuine threat. The fact that he managed to convince so many people to follow him, and retaining (most of) their loyalty even after being defeated and having the veil that was his rhetoric torn down in BW2, is perhaps even more frightening than his machinations to begin with.

Much like Galatic, they were hypocrites as well, but still genuinely believed in what they were doing. They used Pokémon to enforce their goals of liberating them (so they would be unchallengeable), just as Galactic used spirit in its effort to crush it, and believed that it was just. The true head of Team Plasma, who most likely never believed a single word he said (such Machiavellian cynicism is where Ghestis and Cyrus begin to be divided, as even the latter, nihilism and all, believed that his actions were for the best), inspired an idealistic zeal in his followers, and continued to do so even after his true intentions had been exposed in a chillingly heartless manner. Anime Plasma was little better; they were the second team in Pokémon history to be arrested en masse upon defeat, due to the fact that they had proved themselves practically irredeemable over the course of their appearances, and that was the only feasible way to write them off.

Overall, Team Plasma was another good villainous team where the organization as a whole was a threat, and one that served as one of the most memorable villainous teams and one of the better parts of Generation V.

**Number 4: The Gym Leaders**

Given the fact that Black and White were the first Pokémon games where you could not re-battle the Gym Leaders in any way, shape or form, you may find it odd that I'm listing them as one of the best aspects of the Generation. In light of that, perhaps I should clarify; as mentioned before, Generation IV represented a shift in Pokémon's interests from mechanics and balance to plot and character. During it, Pokémon managed to balance the two, but afterwards in Generation V, the scales tilted heavily in favor of the latter. Now, though improved characterization at the cost of the game itself isn't exactly good, they at least devoted some of it to some of the most underdeveloped characters in Generations prior; the Gym Leaders.

Early Generations did a rather poor job of fleshing out these important characters, with usually one or two per region getting expounded upon, and though Generation IV had done a far better job than prior, it still fell somewhat short. Generation V changed that. Despite not being able to re-battle them, almost every one of the Gym Leaders had fleshed out personalities, roles, backstories even, and some would even help out the player frequently. Finally, in what was a first in Pokémon history, the Gym Leaders were the ones to converge on Team Plasma's base and assist the player, when previously only the rival, Champion, or Looker would do so, which immediately displays their level of dedication and awareness.

Regardless of their inability to be challenged again in the first BW, one must concede that the amount of character and time they put into the Gym Leaders of Unova (albeit they had two games to do so), made them an enjoyable aspect of the region.

**Number 5: Pokémon Conquest**

This surprise crossover proved, despite the seeming implausibility of it, to be one of the best side games made by Pokémon, to the point of being able to give Explorers of Sky a run for its money. During a time when Pokémon battles had mostly dissolved into a game of rock-paper-scissors with EV's being able to sometimes reverse the flow, Conquest introduced a radical, strategy-oriented departure from that. By restricting each move a Pokémon could know to a single preset move, but increasing the amount of Pokémon that could be used at once to six to compensate, and increasing the relevancy of the battlefield beyond weather (such as actually having the Pokémon maneuver across it and interact with it), Pokémon essentially broke the stagnation that its battles had fallen into and forced players to think strategically and act innovatively. Add in an increased role of the humans themselves, not to mention having other characters beside the Player character utilize Legendary Pokémon, and a bit of management required for your castles and warriors; and this was undeniably the most radical and marked departure from conventional Pokémon, that managed to expand strategy within Pokémon beyond the somewhat simple confines of the Mystery Dungeon games.

**Number 6: Black and White 2**

And this would be the big one. As a whole, Black and White 2 were very good games. What was done wrong in Black and White was done right here, but these sequels were more than just corrections to the mistakes of their predecessors. Why don't we go over both though?

For starters, the sequels remedied one of the most controversial decisions made by the original Black and White; the exclusion of all prior, pre-Generation V Pokémon, including the likes of Magikarp and Zubat, and the creation of an entirely new set. Some lauded this as a bold step, innovative and exciting, others derided it as a shortsighted mistake, costly and uncreative. Both sides were right: while it did introduce many new Pokémon and moves, the sheer strain of the creation of so many new Pokémon was mostly likely the cause of the incredibly lackluster postgame of Black and White (not to mention the multiple complaints about dull designs), and due to the fact that they failed to bring back any powerful Ice Types, the main balance against the then horribly over powered Dragon Types, it can also be attributed for the creation of the Fairy Type (which could have been prevented had Gamefreak used the opportunity of a clean slate to create an Ice Type pseudo legendary). Black and White 2 managed to appease both sides by retaining all the Unova Pokémon, but bringing back many old fan favorites.

Next was the difficulty. As mentioned in chapters prior, Black and White did a very poor job when it came to pacing. The difficulty was relatively easy throughout the games, only to jump to an inconsolable level in the final battles against N and Ghetsis, with an emphasis on the latter. Black and White 2 did as much as they could to reverse that, even introducing ways for the player to decrease or increase the difficulty (opposing Pokémon's levels), and for the most part maintained a consistent difficulty. Likewise, any plot holes that were left over from Black and White, save where your former character was (it would have been too, being as Hilbert/Hilda was supposed to make an appearance at the PWT, but that was removed last moment), were resolved.

Then there was the postgame. Given the fact that the postgame is easily the most criticizable part of Black and White, not only did Black and White 2 'fix' it, but greatly expounded it. From the more mundane features such as the Join Avenue and Pokestar Studios, to the new locations that either appeared over the two year interim or were brought back from the original Black and White but left inaccessible during the main game, and the various other activities to be enjoyed and trainers to battle, Black and White 2 provided a lively postgame.

There were also the flashbacks. Black and White 2 were the first direct sequels to prior games Pokémon has done since Gold and Silver, and like said games, taking place after two years, naturally many changes had occurred. While, like previously, they could explain or hint to these events and the reasons behind them with dialogue, Pokémon decided to add in short flashbacks; essentially characters relating some pertinent detail that occurred over the two year gap, if you had achieved certain milestones in Black and White. These were not as long or in depth as the special episodes in Explorers of Sky, but did manage to bridge quite a few gaps and offer even more insight into various characters personalities.

Finally, there was arguably the best aspect of BW2: the Pokémon World Tournament. This was the battling facility that, though it failed to provide the same unique challenges and dynamics, made up for the lack of a Battle Frontier. After all, being able to fight every Champion and Gym Leader (and Bianca) from every Generation in existence at the time, complete with updated rosters, sprites, and dynamic quotes, was certainly quite the monumental and enjoyable experience.

* * *

Overall, Generation V was not Pokémon's strongest, but it still had good and enjoyable parts that should not be overlooked in light of the fact. In fact; I would actually say it was quite a good generation that has been sadly demonized for its (albeit memorable) slip-ups, such as the Anime, B&amp;W's post-games, or lack thereof, and Gates to Infinity, while many of the things it did right are usually overlooked by its detractors (and even its advocates, more often than not).

* * *

"Hey, Arcy!" the Legendary in question turned away from the computer as his name was called out, eyeing the Pink Cat-like Legendary that was floating in the doorway.

"Guess what, Arcy?" Mew commanded excitedly, pulling off a few backflips before continuing.

"You're a rip-off again! KELDEO'S BACK!" she exclaimed with a bit too much enthusiasm for the Alpha Pokémon's tastes, before donning a party hat and pulling out a noisemaker from nowhere, blowing into it loudly and cheering while she raced down the hall. Arceus sighed.


	17. Rising Storm: Book 1 - Part 1

Arceus awoke to the sound of a very loud chord, followed by a drum beat. He shot out of his bed, red eyes wide open, and immediately flung his doors open to find the source of the racket. It did not take long, as the moment he exited his chambers and galloped into the Grand Hall, he saw that Mew was the source of the noise. Having somehow gathered a guitar, bass, keyboard and set of drums, she was using her psychic powers to levitate and play all of them simultaneously, whist holding her paddle-shaped tail in one of her small paws, wailing into it like it was a microphone.

"A modern day warrior, mean mean stride, today's Tom Sawyer, mean mean pride-" Arceus immediately cut off the noise by mentally snatching Mew from her mid-air recital, causing her to immediately drop the instruments as she was brought up to him, all of them falling down to the floor with a very grating crash. His eyes narrowed in irritation at her method of waking him up, while she just smiled cheekily.

"Morning, Arcy!" Arceus sighed, unable to retain much of his anger against her unabashed optimism.

"What is all this, Mew?"

"A wake up call?" The equine Pokémon sighed again, but he immediately recalled there have been far worse ways the Psychic Type had woken him up before. Like the time with the flamethrower and the Oreos. He still had nightmares about that. Or that one incident with the catapult and the Jerry Springer reruns. He visibly shuddered at that one.

"Arcy?" Arceus shook himself out of those _very _unsettling memories, refocusing his attention on the feline-like Pokémon floating before him.

"What is this really, Mew?" the Pokémon blinked, tapping her stubby paws together.

"Well... I figured it'd be fitting for the story you're going to review today." Arceus decided to humor the pink Pokémon.

"And what story would that be?"

"Rising Storm: Book 1. Besides, you kinda owe it to Jack Storm after dropping that vase on his head." the Normal Type's eyes flashed for a moment.

"Speaking of which..."

* * *

_Somewhere in Sinnoh_

A blue clad boy, followed by a panoply of various Pokémon, was leisurely walking down one of the roads. The boy stopped as he sensed something off, looking around the area for any signs of danger, until an Acme Anvil suddenly dropped out of the sky and landed on his head. The Lucario behind his screamed out in shock as the boy slumped down to the road, unconscious, but before he could do anything a sheet of paper materialized in his hands. The Pokémon's red irises quickly ran over the contents of it.

"You didn't see anything?" he repeated before looking back up to his partner, and to his shock saw that the anvil had vanished into thin air, before looking back down at his paws and seeing the piece of paper was gone too.

* * *

"That should hopefully cause some memory loss..." Arceus muttered darkly, before quickly recomposing himself and turning back to a confused and slightly frightened Mew.

"Very well, I suppose it is high time I reviewed something that wasn't a one-shot. And I'd rather not see what you have planned for me if I refuse." Arceus turned and floated away, leaving Mew dumbfounded at how quickly he capitulated. She then shook her small head before pulling out a walkie-talkie from nowhere.

"Call it off." she whispered into it as it crackled to life with a burst of static.

"Aw... Now what are we going to do with those two truckloads of feathers?" Mew shrugged, as if the voice on the other end could detect the movement.

"Just go pay Genesect a visit. I gotta go." with that, she quickly turned off the device before teleporting away in a flash of pink light.

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Rising Storm: Book 1" by Jack Storm 448**

* * *

_Rising Storm: Book 1_

_By: Jack Storm 448_

_When you're Jack Storm, a boy raised by a family of Lucario, and blessed with extraordinary Pokémon-like abilities, the world is a dangerous place. But that isn't going to stop him from exploring it; on the way, he'll meet lots of new friends, and more than a few enemies. Special thanks to OseanSoldier, Matthais Unidostres, and Imperator Justinian for their continued support._

* * *

"I smell-" Arceus was cut off abruptly as Mew suddenly teleported into the room in a burst of bright light.

"Hiya, Arcy! So, how's the review going? Also; you have no nose." the Alpha Pokémon's eye twitched.

"It was going fine, thank you, until I was interrupted." the New Species Pokémon leaned in with a devious grin.

"So, how do you feel? Your first multi-chapter review!"

"It is s-"

"Have you cracked under the pressure yet!?" Mew blurted out. Arceus blinked.

"Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous." the Psychic Type gave a reconciliatory nod.

"And you have every reason to be. After all, if you fail here and end up crowding the review with the story, you'll look like you're just giving it shameless advertising! But if you cut out too much, you'll probably be yelled at for not doing it justice. And if you bore everyone because you have to cover so much, you'll end up being a laughing stock and your career as a critic will be ruined!" she exclaimed, blue orbs nearly bulging out of her head at the final, dramatic exclamation. Arceus, who had begun sweating as she carried on, blinked and raised his head at a realization.

"This is payback for not being able to pull off that prank, isn't it?" Mew's over-the-top expression immediately vanished in the face of a disappointed pout, the small, feline Pokémon crossing her arms and floating around, muttering something under her breath. Arceus rolled his eyes and turned back to the computer.

"And back to the topic at hand. So, Jack Storm a-" Arceus cut himself off with a blink, his head glancing down slightly. "Jack Storm? What, were Joe Thunder and John Lightning already taken?"

Mew cleared her throat loudly and shot him a penetrating glance. Arceus just sighed.

"Very well, I do suppose that Storm is a fairly common surname. But still, this is Fanfiction, and the next two lines don't really dispel my fears." Mew's eyes narrowed.

"Maybe you should actually read it before jumping to assumptions." the Alpha Pokémon's eyes lowered, and the other Pokémon shrunk back.

"Then I suggest you permit me."

* * *

_My dear Frodo..._

_Pardon me, wrong story._

* * *

Arceus deadpanned. "Clearly."

* * *

_This is the tale of Jack Storm, a Pokémon master; and more, but we'll get to that later. For now I think it best to start at the beginning; in a forest, in the Sinnoh region._

_It was not big enough, or close enough to a human city to be named by them, but to the pokémon who lived there it was known as Greenwood. It was a little cliché, but who's going to fault them?_

* * *

Mew looked up at Arceus expectantly. He raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"What's there to say?" Mew opened her mouth again, but quickly closed it and nodded.

* * *

_More specifically, our story begins in a little cave inhabited by a small family of Lucario; Mother, Father, and a little Riolu pup named Jason. They lived a happy life there with the other forest pokémon. Not a carefree life, but a happy life. Until one summer day..._

* * *

Mew's face got really close to the camera.

"FORESH-" she was promptly flung into a wall.

"So," Arceus began, taking a quick glance in her direction. "Mother Lucario and Father Lucario, and yes; those are their names, have a rather entertaining discussion before Father Lucario heads out to fetch dinner. And what does he find?"

* * *

_As he stepped into the clearing then, he saw three Poochyena stalking something. Feeling like having a little fun, and wanting to help whatever they were stalking, he put down his bundle and stepped out into the open._

_It was not a good day for the Poochyena; Father Lucario gave them a proper whipping, and sent them packing. After chasing the perpetrators away, he got his first look at what they had found; it was a human baby!_

* * *

"Yep; dinner." Mew, having pried her face off the marble, looked at Arceus in horror.

* * *

**An Apology from the Author:**

The Author would like to apologize for Arceus' black humor. He knows that Lucario-

* * *

Arceus let out a deep growl. "_Not _again."

After a few seconds of nothing happening, Mew began to look around apprehensively.

"Um, Arceus? Aren't we going to cut back to the author to see what happens?" the Normal Type just sighed.

* * *

_Following this discovery, Father Lucario engaged in a brief but heated mental discussion with himself._

_"A human baby? How did it get here?" asked one part of his mind._

_"More importantly, what do I do with it? Should I just leave it here?" asked another._

_"No! Of course not; those Poochyena would be back as soon as I leave." exclaimed the first._

_"But then what do I do with it?" he took a closer look._

_In reality, the baby was a him, and couldn't have been more than a few months old._

_"About the same age as Jason," he thought._

* * *

Arceus shook his head. "Apples to Oranges. Or... human years to Lucario years, I suppose."

* * *

_As soon as he made eye contact, the baby started to coo and reach for him._

_"He doesn't seem frightened by me at all. I wonder..."_

_"Don't be ridiculous. I can't keep it, it's a human!"_

_"What does that matter, we're all God's creatures. Besides, if I don't take him with me, he'll die out here."_

_The father Lucario picked the baby up and rested it in the crook of his arm, where it soon fell asleep._

_"Well that settles it," he said out loud, "he hasn't got anyone else, so we'll just have to take care of him ourselves."_

* * *

The pseudo-deity began mimicking the Father Lucario's voice. "Even though we have no idea how to parent a human because we're Pokémon and he'll probably end up thinking he's just another Pokémon."

* * *

_When he got home, Mother Lucario was just coming out to look for him, fearing that he had run into trouble; she could never have guessed what had actually taken place. Her joy at seeing him safe and sound, was soon replaced by confusion at the blue bundle he was carrying so carefully._

_"What have you got there?" she asked, with her paws on her hips, "Not another human knick-knack, I hope."_

_Ever since they'd settled down in Greenwood, Father Lucario had taken to 'borrowing' things from the human town just ten minutes walk from the edge of the forest. He only took things that no one wanted anymore; things they were going to throw away, or had already. Still, Mother Lucario didn't approve of the practice._

_"You could call it that," he replied, showing her the contents of the bundle, "but I get the feeling you'll want to keep this one."_

_Mother Lucario gasped in surprise, "What? A human baby; where did you get that?"_

* * *

Arceus blinked and said nothing. Mew crossed her arms, flew up and poked him in his temple, causing his eye to twitch before he turned to look at her.

"What?"

"Well, aren't you going to make a joke here?"

"Out of fear of getting interrupted again, no." the Psychic Type sighed.

"C'mon Arcy! It might have been a joke earlier, but if you don't actually try then you really will be a laughing stock!" Arceus sighed.

"Fine," he acquiesced before refocusing on the story. "I suppose no one wanted him anymore, either."

Mew levitated in the drum set from earlier, and, deadpanning, performed a sting. Arceus turned to look at her, and she just shrugged.

"Frankly, Arcy, the Swanna would've been funnier." the Alpha Pokémon just shook his head.

"Regardless, they predictably decide to take him in, because the story would be the most aptly misnamed and poorly summarized I'd ever seen if they did abandon him or did have him for dinner, and find a pendant on Jack with his name in it. Fast forward a few years, and a bit of exposition about how much a natural Jack is at _everything_, and we find him training alongside his adoptive brother, who couldn't even be bothered to be introduced in the opening, against a Mankey."

* * *

_"I'm going to wipe the battlefield with you this time Jack," shouted Clayton, the young Mankey against whom he was sparring; he was a good friend to have, but had trouble keeping his temper under control sometimes._

* * *

"Did I mention that the author could bother to give a name to a character who will have no meaningful impact on the story whatsoever but not to Jack's adoptive parents?"

* * *

_"We'll see," replied Jack in his cool, calm, and collected manner which tended to aggravate the opposition._

_It worked._

_"Argg!" exclaimed the Mankey as he charged at Jack with Tackle._

* * *

"CHARACTERIZATION!" Arceus yelled, once again pulling off a perfect copy of the Mankey's voice. Mew held her head in pain.

* * *

_Jack just stood and waited... then gracefully sidestepped the attack, at the same time tripping his opponent who landed face first in the dirt. The crowd of young pokémon surrounding them cheered. Clayton got back up and faced Jack, who __began to taunt him._

_"Is that all you've got? My mother hits harder than you."_

_This was, of course, completely true, but it still had the desired effect._

* * *

"So, the battle drags on for a while, and all it really encompasses is Jack taunting the Mankey, the Pokémon falling for it, Jack sidestepping him, and the Mankey getting even more mad. And yes, he also does very much reveal he thinks of himself as a Pokémon. Regardless, the monotony is broken with this;"

* * *

_ "YAAARRRGGGG!"_

_"Oh sorry, did I make you mad?"  
_

_Mankey charged at Jack, all caution thrown to the wind. Once again Jack let him get closer, but this time the boy's eyes momentarily turned a pure golden color.  
_

_*BAM!* To the complete astonishment of all in the clearing, Jack executed a flawless Counter attack by grabbing the Mankey's right wrist with his left hand, and yanking the off-balance pokémon into his right hand; which just so happened to be curled into a fist at the time. Clayton was out for the count._

* * *

Arceus let out a blasé sigh.

"What's wrong, Arcy?" the Alpha Pokémon shook his head.

"The entire battle can just be summed up as this:"

_(George Newman: Look up... Look down... Now look at Mr. Frying Pan!)_

Mew let out a nervous chuckle. "I guess you can say that Jack made a Mankey out of Clayton..."

It was Arceus' turn to perform the sting as he rolled his eyes, before letting his mental grasp of the drumsticks go as he turned back to the machine. "The opening chapter concludes with Jack's adoptive Riolu brother, Jason, finally getting some dialogue and confronting Jack over the fact he could use Pokémon moves, such as the Counter he pulled off last minute, when he clearly shouldn't and had told no one. The next chapter opens up with a ten year time skip, over the course of which Jason evolved, and Jack begins to learn more moves than actual Pokémon do."

* * *

_Early on a summer morning, Jack awoke and rubbed his eyes. He got up and found that his family were nowhere to be seen. He shrugged and put on has favorite blue robes. These were the same ones that he had been found in ten years ago, and they had fit him for four years now; they resembled closely the uniforms that humans wore for martial arts, and were loose-fitting and didn't restrict his movement._

* * *

The Normal Type blinked confusedly. "So... the still unnamed Lucario Father finds him wrapped up in a martial arts uniform as a baby, something that none of them have any way of knowing what one would look like by the way, and despite growing in every way possible at an astronomical rate, they still manage to fit him? I feel like I'm missing something..."

"Maybe they found him in the clothes but they didn't fit him then?" Mew offered hesitantly. Arceus shook his head slightly.

"Perhaps, but then what would he have worn before those four years?" the Pink Pokémon blinked, and scratched the back of her head with an uneasy smile.

"Well, he was raised by Pokémon, so it's possible he walked aro-" the Alpha Pokémon sighed resignedly.

"I regret I ever asked..." the Pokémon's red eyes glanced over the machine. "So, we go through some rather gratuitous details about how his already bizarre clothing never fades or gets worn out-"

"Did we mention he's a human who can somehow use Pokémon moves?" Arceus glared at her irately and the New Species Pokémon shrunk away.

"Along with a thankful confirmation he did indeed wear clothes made of natural materials. He then goes off and reflects for a while before returning back to Chateau de Cave, strange seeing how the Lucario family can bother to teach Jack to read and make clothes for him but not build a door or furniture, where he is promptly surprised by his Pokémon family for his birthday."

* * *

_"Surprise!"_

_A torch flared, and in the new light he saw his family and all of his friends standing around him. Mother Lucario walked up to him, carrying a large berry-cake that had obviously come from the human town. But Jack didn't have time to think about that, as Jason rushed up and gave him a big hug; of course, minding the spike on his chest._

* * *

"Eh, it's my birthday. I can deal with a bit of non-relevant plot convenience." Arceus commented woodenly, this time in Jack's voice, before clearing his throat. "Regardless, during the party they also give Jack a backpack, and later he decides to go out on an adventure. Morning comes, with it a new chapter, and Jack and Jason head off into the unknown town nearest to their forest."

* * *

_Once in the town they first looked for a source of information, which they found in the library. Jack was very glad that his parents had made sure he learned English as well as Pokéspeak, and that he was already somewhat familiar with the lay of the land._

_After a little research they found that the town was called Sandgem, and it resided in the region the humans called Sinnoh. They also found that by some amazing coincidence there was a professor here that could start them on their journey. They hastened to his laboratory, eager to get their journey underway._

_*Ding ding*_

_"Oh, hello there," said the young man at the desk, "you must be a trainer."_

_"No no," Jack hastily corrected the man._

_He had heard about trainers before; nasty people who caught Pokémon in little devices and forced them to battle._

* * *

"I'm just this region's version of N, except no one's manipulating me and I have the destructive powers of a Pokémon and no idea how the world works." Mew raised an eyebrow at his comment, but said nothing.

* * *

_"Well then, come with me; and I trust that this Lucario is with you?"  
_

_"__Yes, he's with me, but..."  
_

_"Good, then bring him too; the professor will see you immediately. Right this way."_

* * *

"And, of course, dutifully fulfilling his job as a lab assistant who is supposed to have a natural curiosity, the assistant asks nothing about it and leads Jack to the most intimidating Pokémon Professor in history, who will certainly give the boy a good first impression of the practice."

* * *

_"My name is Professor Rowan, what's yours?"_

_"Jack Storm, sir, and this is Jason."_  
_Rowan seemed quite pleased at this. "You've given him a name already, have you. I can see that the two of you are very close to one another."_

_Jack plucked up a little courage at this, and said, "we're like brothers sir."_

_"Yes, well. I assume he has a Pokéball then?"_

* * *

Arceus raised an eyebrow in interest. "Well, I think we all know where this is headed."

_(Dede: Ooohh! What does this button do?)_

* * *

_"Just tap your Lucario with it. Go on."_

_Cautiously, Jack did as he said. Now, you and I know exactly what's going to happen, but Jack had no idea. So, when Jason disappeared with a flash of light into the ball, Jack was so startled that he dropped it. The ball rocked a few times, then stopped. Jack was horrified, but no one noticed.  
_

_"Good job," said Rowan, "now he's officially yours."  
_

_Jack managed to stammer, "H-how do I g-get him back out?"  
_

_"Just press the button on the front."  
_

_Jack dived for the ball, and jabbed his finger at the lifesaving button. The ball opened and Jason reappeared, looking rather shaken. Jack released his breath when he saw that his brother was unharmed. Then, realizing that the Professor was looking at him funny, he stood back up and regained his composure._

* * *

"And, afterwards, the good Professor points Jack in the direction Oreburgh, all the while blissfully ignorant to his obvious discomfort and strange apparel, and Jack finally leaves, truly setting off on his journey. They travel a little while, Jack asks Jason what being inside a Pokéball is like, and the two brothers fall asleep."

* * *

_"RISE AND SHINE, SLEEPYHEAD!"_

_Jack's reflexes shot him out of bed like a cannonball. Jason put a paw to his mouth to stifle the guffaws that threatened to break through.  
_

_"It's a pity they don't let you start the olympic high jump lying down; you'd be unbeatable." After he said this, the guffaws let themselves out all at once. Causing all the bird pokémon within half a mile to fly away.  
_

_"I'll get you for that." Jack threatened, smiling.  
_

_"Uh, oh." With no further warning Jack leapt at his brother. the poor lucario tried to dodge, but to no avail. Jason was then subjected to the most horrible torture imaginable.  
_

_"Ha, ha, ha. No, please stop! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Have mercy! Ha, ha, ha." Yes. Tickle torture._

* * *

"That was funny, Arcy." owner of said nickname nodded in agreement.

"Yes. In fact, it was entertaining enough that I'm willing to overlook the fact that Jason knew what the Olympic High Jump was, but not the name of the town bordering their forest." Mew chuckled uneasily, twiddling her small thumbs.

* * *

_Later that morning they had made some headway, but they still had a long way to go. They decided to take a short detour though a nearby wood. This is where the fun begins._

* * *

"I'll be the judge of that." the Alpha Pokémon commented reservedly.

* * *

_"It's not anywhere close to as nice as our forest," Jason noticed._

_"Well, not everyone can be as fortunate as us," replied Jack, "but I'm sure that lots of pokémon call this place home."_

_"Okay, but let's hope we don't meet any mean ones."_

_YES! He said it, so now I have official permission to make it happen. *Evil laugh*_

* * *

The white Pokémon's red eyes drooped slightly, and he sighed.

"I've been trying to avoid commenting about this, being as it's only the beginning and I shouldn't be too quick to judge," Mew snickered, while he carried on. "But the author has a rather bad habit of injecting authors notes, for lack of a better term, in the middle of the story, and it disrupts the flow. Granted, it is entertaining, but unless if it's a satire or the story completely disregards the fourth wall, it's not wise."

* * *

_"What's that buzzing sound?" Jason asked. His aura receptors rose as he concentrated, then his eyes snapped open,  
_

_"duck!"  
_

_Not a moment too soon. Out of the bushes came two green pokémon locked in combat.  
_

_"Stop that!" Jack shouted. The two pokémon stopped and looked at Jack. He saw that one was a scyther, and the other a breloom. Neither of them looked happy.  
_

_They looked at each other. The scyther said, "let's finish this later."  
_

_The breloom nodded (a sight to behold). Then they both attacked the two brothers. The scyther headed straight for Jack __with Fury Cutter and Jack had to use Agility to dodge.  
_

_"Why are you fighting us?" Jack asked as the scyther froze in amazement.  
_

_"You used a move!"_

_"Yes, I did. Now why are you fighting us."_

_"You can understand me too!?" By this point the scyther was finding it hard to stay upright.  
_

_"Yes! I can understand you. Now why are you fighting?"  
_

_This was too much for the poor bug type; it fell over unconscious.  
_

_Jack looked over to see how his brother was doing. Jason had breloom up against a tree and was threatening him with __Metal Claw, Wolverine style. "One, Two..."  
_

_"That's enough. Let's get some answers out of him first." The movie-loving lucario let the frightened breloom drop to the ground._

* * *

Arceus' eye began to twitch. Mew floated backwards cautiously.

"Cave. Forest. No electricity! CONSISTENCY!" he then shook his head and let out a heavy breath.

* * *

_Jack concentrated and said, "I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my friend here in check. Hows about you just tell me why you attacked us."  
_

_Cliché it may be, but it worked.  
_

_"You were in our way," the breloom said in a very small voice._

* * *

"That human and his Lucario are standing off to the side, minding their own business as they passed through the woods until we nearly injured them in the middle of our battle. Might as well kill them." this time it was Breloom's voice that came out of Arceus' non-existent mouth.

* * *

_"We're in rival clans, we were fighting over territory."_

_"That's not all though, is it."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You know very well what I mean. The two of you were pulling your punches. You weren't trying to hurt each other; You were trying to escape."_

* * *

Arceus' eyes narrowed in confusion. "And when was that indicated? The part of the battle the two brothers saw merely consisted of them tumbling out of a shrub, so how on earth did he come to that conclusion?"

The Alpha Pokémon shook his head. "Well, regardless, the Breloom breaks down in asterisked sobs, admitting that it's true, while Jason congratulations Jack on his deductive skills, in which he cryptically replies he has plot convenience on his side."

* * *

_The breloom turned out to be a captain in the ranks of his clan, and everyone just called him Cap. He and the female scyther, whose name was Katana, were orphans. When they were young they were close friends, but when two clans adopted them they were overjoyed, until they found out that they had to fight.  
_

_At this point Katana woke up and was brought up to speed. For the last year, they had snuck out and met up with each other under their clans' radar. They had planned to escape, and the battle the two clans were locked in at present was the perfect time. So they fought their way into the trees away from the battle, and when Jack yelled at them they had simply panicked.  
_

_"We're really sorry," Cap apologised.  
_

_"Well, you didn't do any harm to us," Jack said, "but you're going to have to hurry if you want to escape."  
_

_Cap looked at him, a little embarrassed, "well actually, I'm wondering if we can come with you. You are a trainer after all."  
_

_Katana looked at Cap in amazement,_

* * *

Arceus' eyes flashed.

* * *

_Cap: What?_

_Katana: You're just going to ask a random trainer we just met and tried to kill if we can come with him?_

_Cap: Why not? It's not like our clans don't know that we tried to sneak off or anything, and clearly anyone with a Lucario as a partner has to be a good guy._

* * *

Mew gazed on in wonderment. "How do you do that?"

Arceus just pressed a button.

_(Jack Storm: I have my ways,)_

* * *

_"Hold on. Hold on. I'm not actually a trainer; I don't catch pokémon," Jack explained.  
_

_Jason held up a paw, "Well, actually... you are, technically, a trainer. You caught me, even if it was an accident."  
_

_Jack looked slightly sheepish, "well... in that case sure you can come with us, but I'm not putting you in pokéballs."_

* * *

"Even though you're liable to get caught by a stray Pokéball or a random trainer if we end up separated." the New Species Pokémon glared at the Normal Type.

"Very well, I do suppose it fits his character."

* * *

_"Good, now let's get out of here!" Jason shouted as an angry-looking swarm of scyther came out of the dense trees.  
_

_Ten minutes of hard running later, and they had left the woods behind them._

* * *

"After which we are greeted by a small author's notes in the next chapter which details the Pokémon's moves, and clarifies that Jason knows... five moves?" Arceus blinked a few times before shaking his head.

"And our heroes finally end up in Oreburgh, with Jack being taken aback at it's size and scale. Afterwards, he encounters a group of children and they lead him and 'his' Pokémon to the gym, upon which he decides that he should challenge Roark."

* * *

_Jack and his friends stood at one end of a room that seemed big enough to fit a wailord quite comfortably. The floor was covered with jagged rocks, several of which were bigger than himself. Underneath the rocks he could see white lines forming a rectangle, with a design in the middle that seemed familiar... Jack pulled out a pokéball; the pattern was identical. At the other end of the room a young man stood with a pokéball in his hand. A referee stood at centre field. He noted Jack's clothes and hair, but decided not to ask too many questions. Instead, he called out,  
_

_"alright challenger, state your name and town"  
_

_"I'm Jack Storm from Greenwood, but..."  
_

_"THE BATTLE IS GYM LEADER ROARK VERSUS THE CHALLENGER JACK STORM FROM GREENWOOD TOWN. IT WILL BE A THREE ON THREE BATTLE, AND ONLY THE CHALLENGER IS ALLOWED TO SUBSTITUTE POKÉMON. THE BATTLE WILL BE OVER WHEN ALL POKÉMON ON ONE SIDE ARE UNABLE TO BATTLE. BEGIN!"_

* * *

"On Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!" Mew shouted out, earning a glare from Arceus, who quickly softened and just rolled his eyes.

"Anyways, the battle starts with Jack using Cap, who struggles against Onyx in an exchange of moves until this:"

* * *

_*BOOM* The explosion took out both Onyx and the sandstorm. Cap hung in the air, cartoon style, for a second before looking directly at the screen, "help me," and dropping to the ground._

* * *

Arceus just stared at the screen in his usual deadpan. Mew backed away very slowly.

* * *

_Roark recalled his pokémon and said, "you did well Onyx, take a good rest. Now Golem, I choose you!"_

* * *

"And Golem pretty much kicks around Cap until the Breloom pulls off a turnabout that would make Phoenix Wright blush; onomatopoeia." Arceus' eyes narrowed.

"Yes, the Pokémon literally gets saved by onomatopoeia."

* * *

_But then, Golem hit a rock which knocked him to the side just enough to miss the cowering breloom. As the ball of rock turned around for another pass, Cap acted out of instinct. *Slam!* *Crash!*_

* * *

"The battle is decided shortly afterwords with Golem getting knocked out, and Cap conveniently fainting soon afterwards so it could never be said that Jack won his first Gym Battle with only one Pokémon he just met the day prior. Afterwards, Roark calls out his Rampardos, and Katana volunteers to be cannon fodder so Jason can learn it's fighting style, and to keep the battle from being too one-sided." Arceus rolled his eyes.

"After Rampardos somehow lands a supereffective hit on the Bug/Flying type with Zen Headbutt, because apparently the amount of moves a Pokémon can learn isn't the only thing flexible here, and finishes the Scyther up with another attack, Jason the Lucario steps up to avenge his fallen comrades. And, I have to admit, theirs is probably the best battle yet, even if Jason wins in the end."

* * *

_Jason rushed back to engage in a group hug with Jack, Cap, and Katana.  
_

_"We did it, we really did it!"  
_

_Roark came up to them, "you fought well, here's the coal badge as proof that you beat me."  
_

_He then handed Jack a small metal object. Now that he was closer to the trainer, Roark observed the unruly hair, and the strange blue robes, but didn't think too much of it. He'd seen stranger trainers since he had taken over the gym.  
_

_"There are seven other gym leaders you'll have to fight if you want to challenge the Sinnoh league though," he continued, __"and they're even tougher than me."  
_

_Jack took the badge and asked, "thanks, but what do I do with it?"  
_

_Roark looked at him in surprise, "Oh, just put it in your badge case for now."_

* * *

_(Patrick Tatapolus: That's a lot of fish.)_

* * *

_Jack remembered one of the things he had picked up at Professor Rowan's lab. He took a small metal box out of his bag, opened it , and found that the badge fit nicely inside.  
_

_"Thanks," he said again._

* * *

"With that, the chapter is concluded. The next one is started with the Author... arguing with his own characters in the A/N?"

"Deja vu..." Mew commented as Arceus frantically looked around. She sighed dejectedly when the Alpha Pokémon failed to return to his usually sedated state, and turned to the camera. "With the gym battle over they decided to go to the city library before heading over to the Pokémon Center."

* * *

_That night, just before bed, Jack called the four of them together to discuss where they would go from here._

_"I wanted to ask all of your opinions about this before I did anything. The thing is... I've decided to be a real trainer and do the things they do; challenge gyms, battle other trainers, and hopefully compete in the Sinnoh League."_

_Cap and Katana looked somewhat stunned, but Jason just raised his hand, "does this include capturing pokémon?"_

_"No, of course not! I'll never go that far." At hearing this the two green pokémon released their breath. Jason, however, looked a little skeptical._

_"I won't!" Jack insisted, "I just wanted to know what you think about it."_

_Cap looked curious, "why do you want Katana's and my opinions?"_

_"Well, I've grown attached to you two, and we make quite a team. I know that Jason will follow me wherever I go; but I want to know, will you come with me?"_

_The two green pokémon looked even more stunned than before, this time Katana was the first to recover, "You mean, on your journey, as your pokemon?"_

* * *

Arceus' head whipped back to the computer. "Isn't that what you signed up for? Didn't you quite literally ask to tag along, and just help him win his first Gym Battle?" The Alpha Pokémon shook his head.

"Regardless, I suppose it shows that Jack cares for his Pokémon, and that he is indeed quite the considerate person. They, of course, say yes, and drift off to sleep."

* * *

_*BOOM* The explosion woke the entire city. Jack shot out of bed narrowly missing Katana, who launched herself from across the room in a likewise fashion. The other occupants of the room didn't wake up quite as explosively.  
_

_"What was that?" Jack exclaimed.  
_

_Jason's Aura receptors rose as he concentrated, "I'm sensing lots of panic from downtown," he informed them. Without another word, the four of them raced out of the pokémon centre toward the downtown area. As they headed toward the disturbance they heard another explosion. People were coming out of their houses now, and a crowd of humans and pokémon were running in fear away from...  
_

_"Look at that!"_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Is it a bird?"

* * *

_Jack said staring in shock at the bird-like pokémon attacking the city,_

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon blinked and looked down sheepishly.

* * *

_ "It's Articuno!"_

* * *

_A small group of trainers, including Roark, were attempting to stop the rampaging legendary, but they weren't having much luck. Their pokémon fired attack after attack into the sky, but nothing touched Articuno. Any flying types they sent out were promptly smacked down by its Ice Beam. Even the gym leader's pokémon were unable to stop it._

* * *

"Your Pokémon couldn't overcome a trainer three days into his journey, even when he had only met two of his Pokémon a single day prior and not trained with them. Were any of us expecting you to be of any use? But don't worry, we have said inexperienced trainer, who, despite being a human, thinks he can stand up to the equivalent of a deity because he can use Pokémon moves. Even when he has three real Pokémon next to him, all of who should be weaker than the Gym Leader's Pokémon fighting in the battle that are doing nothing against Articuno." Mew floated up, clearing her throat loudly.

"_But_; they decide they want to try to try to talk or pacify Articuno through Aura instead of just immediately jumping into the fray."

"Only to be rebuffed effortlessly."

* * *

_Jack and Jason were equally astonished at the strength of Articuno's mental defenses. Jack stated what was obvious to both of them as their concentration reentered their bodies, "it's uncanny; non-psychic types, even legendary ones, can't usually maintain a mental shield that strong," Jack suddenly switching from silent telepathy to audible speech caused Cap and Katana to jump._

* * *

"And, again; you would know this how? Have you ever tried to get into a Legendary Pokémon's mind? Am I missing something? If I read this story backwards will I find an entirely different backstory that ties in with this?" The Legendary shook his head.

"Anyways, Jack and Jason try to fight against Articuno, who effortlessly brushes them aside, but decides that their sudden presence inexplicably warrants it's escape, and in the process, Jack reveals to all the onlookers that he can indeed use moves. This has a predictable effect, and Jack performs a vanishing act that could give Batman a run for his money."

* * *

_Once there they got healed up, then quickly packed their bags and left the city quietly. Once Oreburgh was out of sight, Jack called a halt. The four friends set up a small campfire to cook something to eat. While they looked for sticks and twigs, Jack and Jason discussed matters that had been on jack's mind for a while now.  
_

_"Did you see it Jason; the way they looked at me, like I was some sort of freak."  
_

_"I'm sure they were just amazed at your prowess in battle, and worried about the hit you and I almost took."_

_Jack looked deeply distressed, "no, that wasn't it and you know it. They radiated fear, you must have sensed it, they were afraid of me."  
_

_Jason shook his head emphatically, "no, no, they weren't afraid of you! They were just scared that Articuno might come back."  
_

_Jack looked more miserable than before. In little more than a whisper, "I read their minds."  
_

_A look of shock crossed Jason's face, followed closely by a look of despair.  
_

_"I read their minds!" Jack continued, shouting in anguish now, "and all I found was fear! Fear of me... a freak, that's what __they called me in their minds. A freak," having said this, Jack fell to his knees and wept. _

_Cap and Katana heard his pained cries and rushed over to comfort him. As soon as Katana saw him on the ground crying, she threw her tough, tomboyish demeanor out the window. And while Cap and Jason stood around feeling helpless, she knelt and hugged him (minding her blades).  
_

_"hush, hush, it's alright Jack, it's alright. You're not a freak, you're a boy. You have friends here, and a Father in Heaven who love you."  
_

_After a while Jack's sobbing slowed down and finally stopped._

* * *

Arceus gave a curt nod. "You know, I have to give the author credit for this scene. For as outlandish a character Jack Storm may be, this is a perfectly logical, and a quite touching, outcome of what would happen if he revealed himself. I can't say much more than that; it's just a really good scene that is too important for me to skip or summarize."

Mew smiled, performing a mid-air backflip. "Yep! Things get back to their usual selves for our heroes, and they carry onto Eterna!"

"But not before stopping for a bit of training, where they are promptly spied upon by Team Our-Name-Has-Nothing-To-Do-With-Our-Goals-Of-World-Domination-And-Profits."

* * *

_"Why are we watching them? He only has three pokémon."_

_"Yes, but one of them is a lucario you dolt, and a powerful one at that; considering the size of that explosion we heard.  
_

_That kind of power and elegance would make me famous."  
_

_"I'm 'tinken more about how much green that black and blue beauty'll get us."  
_

_"Unless it turns us black and blue instead..."  
_

_"You make a good point, we'll have to plan this carefully."_

* * *

_Jason and Jack sat in the centre of the clearing from then unfilled the sun rose. Nothing disturbed them, except for three rapidly retreating Aura signatures. Jason didn't pay them any mind, they were probably just the proverbial early pidgeys after the worm. Little did he know how close that was...  
_

_When the first rays of sunlight entered the clearing, Jason got up and carried Jack back to their campsite. But when they got there, they were greeted by the sight of Cap and Katana tied up with chains in a cage. Jack woke up real fast, and the two brothers rushed to free their friends.  
_

_*POOF!* A cloud of smoke covered them completely, and when it cleared, Jack saw that Jason was trussed up inside the cage as well, and three figures were standing in front of it; a woman with long purple hair, a man with blue hairline, both of which had a red R on their shirts. A meowth stood on the cage, holding a remote.  
_

_"Who are you?" Jack shouted._

* * *

_"Listen, is that a voice I hear?" said the woman.  
_

_"It's yelling at me loud and clear," replied the man._

_Woman: "On the wind,"  
_

_Man: "Past the stars,"  
_

_Meowth: "In your ear."  
_

_Woman: "Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace,"  
_

_Man: "Dashing all hope and putting fear in its place."  
_

_Woman: "A rose by any other name is just as sweet,"  
_

_Man: "When everything's worse our work is complete."  
_

_Woman: "Jessie,"  
_

_Man: "And it's James,"  
_

_Meowth: "Meowth, that's a name."  
_

_Jessie: "Putting the do-gooders in their place,"  
_

_James: "We're Team Rocket,"  
_

_All: "In your face."_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "I'm too busy trying to figure out whether or not the author is staying true to the motto, or is subtly mocking the reader about the obnoxious and lazy scrip format, the abrupt change to that format, and the unnecessary line break, to be particularly concerned. Still, I'll give him credit that at least their introduction was quick enough that I didn't have to pull out the Ferris Bueller quotes."

After giving a nod in approval, Arceus cleared his throat. "Predictably, their poorly thought out plan is foiled effortlessly, not that it takes much effort to foil Team Rocket nowadays, and Jason is rescued. And, despite my griping, I have to give the author kudos for keeping them in character, and for making the entire encounter enjoyable instead of irritating."

Arceus raised an eyebrow, but then shook his head. "Afterwards, and one character-author argument in the next A/N later, followed by a quick rundown of their morning schedule, they hit the road again before stopping for lunch."

* * *

_As they were eating though, they heard a loud scream. Instantly they were on their feet and ready for anything. Jack and Jason scanned the area around them and found at least four distinct Aura signatures heading towards them; three of them were pokémon, and one was human, and there was indistinguishable fuzz around the human that indicated full pokéballs._

_It wasn't more than thirty seconds before a young kirlia and dratini came crashing out of the undergrowth, and straight into Jack's leg._

_"Oof," exclaimed the kirlia, then she looked up. "EEP," she cried before tightly hugging the dratini for protection, "please, don't hurt us."_

_Jack slowly got down on his knees, "shush shush, it's alright, I won't hurt you..."_

_Suddenly a lairon crashed out of the bushes as well, the kirlia screamed in terror. The large pokémon roared at them, but a command came from the trees,_

_"Lairon, stand down."_

_Lairon instantly stopped roaring and stood still. A boy about Jack's age with dark purple hair walked out of the shadows._

_"Who are you," Jack demanded, holding the two frightened pokémon close to him," and why were you chasing these pokémon?"_

_If the purple haired boy noticed Jack's appearance, he didn't show it, "the name's Paul, and I was going to catch them. Now get out of my way."_

* * *

"And Jack, being the upstanding citizen he is, decides to stick up for the two Pokémon. They get into a battle, and with Jason effortlessly defeating Paul's Absol by convincing it to roll over dead, upon which the trainer promptly releases it in disgust. This angers Jack to the point where he scares Paul senseless. The next chapter is really just a continuation of the previous, where Jack brings the Dratini and Kirlia from earlier, Aura and Wendy, under his wing, and also decides to bring along the Absol Paul released, Lucy."

* * *

_Jack and Jason spent two hours at a nearby lake, meticulously washing and combing Lucy's fur. She was a little surprised that they would go to all that trouble for her, but when Jason started to massage her back she found herself enjoying it against her will. The lake was warmed by the sun, and was quite comfortable. As they washed her, however, they found more and more scars, and Jack's anger rose with each one.  
_

_"I'll make Paul pay for every stripe," Jack promised.  
_

_Lucy protested however, "I don't hold a grudge against him for the past, all I have to worry about is the future."  
_

_Jack felt his anger cool, "I'll never do anything to hurt you."  
_

_She didn't say anything to that, but just relaxed into the lukewarm water._

* * *

Arceus raised an eyebrow in apprehension. "And apparently he's also put her through Frederick's Fanatical Fitness Hour."

Mew shot him a look, but shook her head. "So, that's ten chapters, Arcy. What's your Judgement so far?"

"What is my Judgement so far?" Arceus mused, eyes glancing upwards. "Admittedly, Mew; it's not the strongest of starts."

The Psychic Type balked, while the Alpha Pokemon carried on. "Aside from multiple problems with capitalization and consistency, particularly in the matter of how human the Pokemon should act like, or in the fact that Jason already had a name but Jack gives them to Cap, Katana, Aura and Wendy, Jack also comes across as a bit of a Gary Stu. Being raised by Pokemon, being able to use Pokemon Moves, being able to use more moves than actual Pokemon themselves, having Pokemon practically fall out of the sky and join him within a few minutes only because he's seemingly there, and being able to easily best trainers with far more experience..."

"B-But-" Arceus shook his head at her stammering.

"Now, I'm not saying that Rising Storm is a bad story even in light of that. All I'm saying is that it's not off to a very strong start," Mew let out a sigh of relief at that. "It's only ten chapters in, ten out of forty, and though not the best at character or plot, the reason for Jack wanting to leave and go out on a journey is not even expounded upon very well, the battles are still entertaining and it has it's emotional moments that are handled with an intriguing amount of finesse, and I'm not one to usually make a verdict on the entire story from just the opening chapters."

"So... you'll keep reviewing it?"

"Yes, Mew. But I feel that this is enough for now, and I have no desire to overextend myself."

* * *

_**Arceus the Critic**_

* * *

_We'll be right back!_

* * *

Arceus' head ripped through the title card while the Looney Tunes theme played in the background.

"I've always wanted to have that play at the bottom." the Normal Type tried pulling his head out from the hole, only to fail. He chuckled nervously, turning his head best he could.

"Mew? Could you-"

"I'm on it, Arcy!"

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

_(The author, clad in a full body cast, slowly hobbled into the room. Muttering bitterly, he took his seat. He let out a pained cry, shoved it aside, and stiffly pressed a button on his desk.)_

_(King Dedede: I need a monster ta clobba dat dere Kirbeh.)_

"This isn't over just yet, Arceus..."


	18. Rising Storm: Book 1 - Part 2

Arceus was staring off to the side of the wall, only to hastily turn around as Mew floated over and tapped his head, pointing to the machine. He cleared his throat awkwardly and recomposed himself.

"So, for the start of chapter eleven, we have the mandatory information about our newcomers, and then we transition into what I can only assume is a dream."

* * *

_"Where am I?"_

_Jack couldn't tell, but it looked like he was underwater. He tried to move around, but he couldn't; it was like he wasn't in control of his body. His mind was cloudy, and he couldn't think straight enough to wonder why he wasn't drowning. Then, he felt something; a presence, touching his mind._

_"HELP ME!"_

* * *

_Jack shot out of bed, and only missed the ceiling by inches. Landing on his feet, he looked around quickly before remembering where he was; the Pokémon Centre in Eterna City. He glanced at the clock; it read 2:19 AM. Everyone else was still asleep, except for Lucy; she was looking sadly out the window, but his abrupt awakening caught her undivided attention._

_"What are you doing up?" she asked, with tears still in her eyes, "can't a girl get any peace and quiet around here?"_

* * *

"Never mind your obvious distress and the fact that you just woke up like you were training for the Olympic High Jump and haven't said anything to me. Now let me mope in peace!" Mew just shook her head at Arceus' latest impersonation. The Alpha Pokémon's eyes trailed her for a moment, but he redirected his attention.

"Afterwards we delve into Lucy's thoughts for a bit, where she mulls over her cruel treatment and continual betrayal at the hands of her previous trainers, and how she sees some of that fear and vulnerability in Jack. She still doesn't trust him, but can you really blame her after being _Paul's _Pokémon, and Jack himself ponders his 'dream', and sings a hymn to comfort himself. Ultimately, this causes the Absol to break down into tears."

* * *

_They sat there for a long time as Lucy told her story. She couldn't remember much of her childhood, except that she had a mother, father, and older brother who had always loved her. But one day, her mother went off to gather berries, but never returned. Not long after, a group of people, who she now knew were poachers, found her den and shot her father. __They then caged the two of them and sold them to different trainers on the black market. She never saw her brother again.  
_

_For years and years she was passed from one trainer to another; each one abandoned her, each one pretended to be kind just to get her to come with them, and each one had proved to be worse than the last. Sometimes their other pokémon were sympathetic towards her, but more often they viewed her as little more than a nuisance, and sometimes they mistreated her worse than the trainer. Eventually, she wound up in a pokémon daycare after her last trainer had abandoned her for being weak.  
_

_Si__x months she stayed there, and she made plenty of friends. It was the best time she could remember, until the day she got 'adopted' by Paul. None of her 'friends' tried to help her, none of them cared that she was leaving. This last event, and the torture she endured at Paul's hands, firmly cemented in her mind that she couldn't trust anyone. No one cared about her.  
_

_By the end of the tragic tale, Jack was crying softly as well. He pulled Lucy into a warm hug.  
_

_"All of that is in the past," he assured her, "Nothing but a bad memory, it can't hurt you anymore. All that matters now is the future."  
_

_Lucy snuggled into his embrace, and cried on his shoulder, "Sometimes, I just don't see anything worth living for."  
_

_"You have me now."  
_

_"You'll hurt me eventually, everyone has."_

* * *

Arceus just stared at the screen silently, while Mew looked on curiously.

"Aren't you going to say anything, Arcy?" the white and black Pokémon shook his head.

"It would be cruel of me to, Mew," he then cleared his throat. "The chapter ends soon after, Jack reassuring Lucy that he has no ill intents, and Jason later finding the two asleep. Afterwards, they head to the Eterna Gym."

* * *

_"THREE ON THREE, AND ONLY THE CHALLANGER IS ALLOWED TO SUBSTITUTE POKKÉMON. THE BATTLE WILL BE OVER WHEN ALL POKÉMON ON ONE SIDE ARE UNABLE TO BATTLE. BEGIN!"_

_As before, the referee's voice rang out signifying the start of the battle. Jack's adrenalin surged, there was nothing like a battle to get him pumped (even when he wasn't the one fighting)._

_Gardenia smirked at him, "I heard you beat Roark's Rampardos with one pokémon."_

_"That's a bit of an exaggeration," he replied,_

* * *

"I just used one of my Pokemon as live bait like the caring trainer I am and _then _beat Roark's signature Pokémon with only one of my own."

* * *

_The gym leader laughed at this, "spoken like a true warrior, but you won't get past me so easily. Turtwig, go!"_

_"You think it was easy? Katana, you're up!"_

* * *

**_Katana's ability is Technician. Her moves are Fury Cutter, Vacuum Wave, Agility, and Quick Attack._**

* * *

Arceus sighed.

"Is there any reason you have to interrupt the flow of the story to tell us the Pokémon's moves? If it's important enough to include it in the story, you could have just placed it at the beginning of the chapter in that section you have set aside for information on newcomers, and if it's relevant enough to the battle, or the reader wants to know enough, they can always just scroll back up to the top."

The equine Pokémon shook his head. "Regardless, one trading of vaguely described attacks later, and... _Katana _is the one to get knocked out by a mere Turtwig?"

Arceus blinked in confusion, and he turned around and looked at Mew for confirmation. The Psychic Type only gave a non-committal shrug before preforming a back-flip midair. The pseudo-deity turned back to the computer slowly.

"I... I don't quite understand how that's possible. But, regardless, Jason steps up to the bat." Arceus snorted.

"Please. A basic, unevolved starter Pokémon just easily took down a Pokémon who has some of the strongest attack and speed stats, not to mention a double type advantage, while retaining most of it's health. What makes you think your outcome will be any bet-"

* * *

_Turtwig, sensing exactly what Jason wanted him to sense, charged in with one more Tackle._

_And ran right into Counter._

* * *

"Well... I suppose it's not entirely a Deus Ex Machina since it was Counter, but still..."

* * *

_Gym leader's Turtwig fainted.__ Gym leader Gardenia is about to send in Cherrim; would you like to switch pokmon?_

* * *

Arceus looked around the room, before blinking in realization and turning back to the computer with a sheepish, hollow laugh.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we're you talking to me? I thought I was reading a book that occasionally becomes a script for a minute, my bad." The Legendary's gaze hardened.

"Now, in all seriousness, I have to question the logic behind this. The author actually did a pretty good job of describing Jason and Turtwig's battle, and I found myself enjoying it. Unless if constantly interrupting the flow of the story is one of its themes, I don't understand why this was put here. The battle moves on regardless, and Jason engages Cherrim who also... seems to know more moves than is legally allowed."

The Normal Type sighed again. "Frankly, Ash Ketchum could fall out of the sky at this point and I wouldn't so much as blink."

Mew grinned, rubbing her paws together, but immediately adopted a more innocent, nervous smile when Arceus turned around pointedly.

"And, more onomatopoeia later, Jason is unconscious and Cherrim is dru- confused as a result of Petal Dance."

* * *

_As Jack carried his brother back behind the field, the other pokémon stared at each other with shock and fear on their faces. First Katana, and now Jason? Who was this girl, that she could take out the strongest of them with only one pokémon knocked out?_

* * *

"As out there as this might sound, it's possible that she just _might _be a Gym Leader with years worth of experience. Ah, but never mind that; just send out the newest and weakest member of your team!" The Alpha Pokémon let out a grunt.

"To the author's credit, Aura volunteered, and Jack didn't want to send her out, while the referee, dutifully fulfilling his job of being a patient, observant and fair judge, cut him off and made the decision for him. Maybe he just assumed that it was only a formality at this point, as this situation seems to be entirely unsalvageable for Jack and-"

* * *

_Jack stared in horror at the sight of Aura on the battlefield, but once again he was too slow. Cherrim, who had recovered from its confusion, launched a Solarbeam at the young pokémon. However, Jack's horror quickly changed to one of pure amazement as Aura easily dodged the attack, and then shot in at incredible speed and tackled Cherrim right in the face._

_Following up by pushing off of Cherrim, spinning through the air, and landing in the exact place where she started, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust and a knocked out Cherrim to show that she had ever moved at all._

_Gardenia recalled her pokémon with a look of shock that mirrored Jack's, "what... just happened?"_

_Aura turned to Jack with a smirk, "I told you I could handle it, now are we going to do this or not?"_

_Jack's look of shock, slowly turned into a wide grin and a bellowing laugh. "Alright then, let's finish this!"_

* * *

Arceus cleared his throat and began imitating Jack. "I finally got out my Deus Ex Machina for the chapter and I'm _not _blowing it! I have to keep up this improbable winning streak somehow!"

"And," the Legendary began, his voice reverting to normal. "In the most logical manner possible, Aura manages to best Gardenia's Roserade. Jack returns to the Pokémon Center, and naturally asks the question about the improbability of the outcome that is on the mind of every reader, but rather than get an answer, we're met with a cliffhanger."

* * *

_Aura stared up at Jack from her perch in his arms. After the display at the Eterna gym, Jack wanted some answers._

_"What was that back at the gym?" He asked._

_Aura looked at him innocently, "I don't know what you are talking about."_

* * *

_(Michael Palin: Look, I can see you on the wire!)_

* * *

_Jack sighed, "Aura, why didn't you ever tell us? You never train with us, even when Wendy does her cute face at you; and now you just explode with power out of nowhere. What's going on?"  
_

_Aura stared at him for a while. It was hard for her to look dignified when Jack was carrying her in his arms like a baby, and after a while she gave up.  
_

_"Fine," she sighed, sounding much older suddenly, "I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't use me like Paul used Lucy. I didn't want to reveal my power to you because I thought you might... I don't know, treat me like a tool and not a friend. I know now that I was sorely mistaken; and you preparing to forfeit the battle rather than, 'put your friends in harm's way' as I believe you said it, put the final nail in my fear's coffin."_

* * *

Arceus gave a nod in approval. "I could point out how Aura doesn't have much logical reason to suspect Jack of anything, but it's clear that she's still a child, and fear can still easily dictate her trust. So, while this isn't the most logical reason, it's still the best reason, as it not only builds her character, but provides realism for it. Aura falls asleep soon after, reaffirming that she is still very much a child, and Jack is left pondering such until;"

* * *

_*Scream!*_

* * *

The equine Pokémon rolled his eyes. "I'd rather not."

* * *

_Wendy was in trouble._

* * *

_(Newman: Oh, the humanity! Oh, the humanity!)_

"And Jack, once again displaying his superhero side, quickly races to rescue the Kirlia from the insidious evils of a... trainer legitimately trying to catch a technically wild Pokémon." Arceus blinked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm suspecting this story is starting to turn into a parody of itself given that it seems the author is making fun of the flaws of his own premise and character. Regardless, Jack manages to convince the trainer who capture Lucy, Nicholas, to release her after a bit of testimony on Gardenia's part. And, seeing as how we're addressing the obvious issues with Jack's upbringing and methods, the fact that he's also flat broke comes up too, in which Gardenia offers him a job at the gym. Jack accepts, and Nicholas, who Jack deems is indeed a good trainer, departs."

* * *

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, CAPTURED?!"_

_Lucy tried to calm down the irate lucario, "calm down Jason, no one got hurt, not even me."_

_"But you could have been; what if Jack had been slower? He would never have known what had happen__ed to you, or __Wendy."_

_At this, Aura piped up, "That's a good question, why wasn't Jack slower? He was running faster than me!"_

_Everyone, including Jason, stared at her, then at Jack. They had all seen how fast Aura could go._

_She continued, "the only way he could have gone that fast, was by using Extremespeed just like I do. But to my __knowledge, Jack couldn't use Extremespeed this morning."_

_Jack suddenly realized that she had diverted the conversation away from the other events of the day, and unfortunately so __did Jason._

_"We'll figure that out later," Jason ruthlessly pulled everyone away from the red herring, "for right now I want to know __exactly what happened."_

* * *

Arceus maintained his deadpan. "I'm guessing that two rare Pokémon were casually taking a stroll through a large city in the least inconspicuous manner possible, and, by some strange, improbable coincidence, a trainer happened to spot them. And that is confirmed two expositions later, one of which could give Zorua a run for his money, and Jason comes up with what any rational person would have."

* * *

_Jason sifted through the relevant information, and came up with a conclusion, "none of this would have happened if you had given us pokéballs. If a pokémon is linked to a pokéball, then it can't be caught again. All of this could have been avoided."_

_His words hit Jack like a hammer blow; was all this his fault?_

_"And what's worse," Jason continued, "is that it could easily happen again at any time. From what I can figure, lucario, absol, kirlia, and especially dratini, are considered quite rare. Any trainer would give an arm and a leg to have us, and anybody with a pokéball could try."_

* * *

"Of course, there's also the issue of letting your Pokémon run around town completely unsupervised, but that's still the most pressing at the moment. And after a bit of character-building debate, Jack is left with the dilemma of choosing what he knows beyond a shadow of doubt is right and that everyone is telling him is for the best, and what he feels might be wrong in some irrelevant way given that everyone is already willingly following him." Mew floated up, crossing her arms as she did her best to shot a glare at the Legendary. Arceus merely rolled his eyes.

"Still, it's good that this bothers Jack. It best displays his character that he has to think this over even as the evidence is insurmountable. Afterwards, Katana and Lucy get into an argument, and Lucy sulks away after a particularly stinging comment to go find Jack. The other Pokémon conclude, that with night falling and their trainer now missing, it would be the perfect time to go to bed."

* * *

_Jason said one last thing before sleep overtook him,_

_"I hope that Jack and Lucy are alright..."_

* * *

Arceus' red eyes narrowed. "But not enough to actually do anything else than just wonder aloud and fall asleep. It's not like your Jack's adoptive brother who has an unspoken obligation to stand by him and support him or at least show some concern or anything."

* * *

_He just walked._

_And as he walked, he thought about whether putting his friends in pokéballs was really wrong, or whether he was just being stubborn, narrow-minded, and selfish. Yes, selfish. His logic was, that if he didn't have legitimate reasons to hate the idea, then what reason did he have? Maybe he was maintaining his position on the matter out of completely selfish reasons; he didn't know. What he did know, was that he still didn't like the idea one bit.  
_

_Jack sighed; he knew it really wasn't life or death, but he realized now that he'd actually had a relatively sheltered life in some ways; he'd never had to make anything approximating a difficult decision before, so now that he was in the human world, everything seemed overly complicated.  
_

_He froze in his tracks though, when he heard someone call his name; in Pokéspeak.  
_

_"Jack? Jack, there you are! Wait for me!"  
_

_He turned around, and saw the familiar (and can I say, welcome) white form of Lucy bounding towards him. A small, almost nonexistent smile slowly crept onto his face, "Lucy? What are you doing here?"  
_

_"I... It was getting dark, I wanted to make sure you were okay," she said, coming to a halt next to him._

* * *

"And it's not like your brother cared enough to check up on you, and though I've been suspicious of you for almost the entire time we've been together, I suddenly have this compulsion to check on your wellbeing and to singlehandedly convince you of what you already know and that everyone is asking you to do." Arceus then cleared his throat.

"And they do just that before returning to the Pokémon Center, where everyone is supposedly asleep."

* * *

_Jason closed the eyelid he had kept open, "from the look on his face, he's decided to do it; and isn't too troubled by the decision. Good, now I can get some rest."_

_With his conscience reassured, Jason also slipped into sleep._

* * *

Arceus just stared at the blankly at the screen, unable to think of anything to say, while Mew snuck up behind him, clutching a two by four. She then took a swing at his head, causing the equine Pokémon to cry out in shock, spinning around to face the smaller Pokémon.

"I'm not dead yet!"

The Legendary's now-irate eyes then flashed for a moment, and the block of wood was ripped out of the feline Pokémon's shaking paws and began to hit her over the head.

* * *

_Jack launched himself from his bed, again. He landed on his feet, and looked around quickly; the same room, same bed, same body, and same friends woken up from his impromptu gymnastics act. His tense muscles slowly relaxed; he was still in the pokémon centre, and nothing was out of the ordinary._

_"You'd think that I'd be used to it by now." He glanced at the bedside clock; 6:30, about time to get up anyway. He hopped down from his bed, and Lucy came over to him._

_"Was it the same dream again," she asked._

_Jack contemplated this for a second, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. But it changed again this time; I could feel my body, but I still couldn't move. I was still underwater, but this time I could see something in the distance; I don't know what."_

_"It's just a dream," she assured him,_

_He sighed, "I don't believe that, It's too real to be a dream for one thing, but I don't know what it means. I just wish it would stop."_

_"Hey Jack," called Jason from the door, "come on, or you'll be late for work."_

_Jack's troubled look quickly disappeared; he loved his job._

* * *

Arceus, having turned back to the camera while Mew applied an icepack to her head, raised an eyebrow.

"So, now they're all living together in one room as a family? Is this story slowly transitioning into a drama?" Arceus' eyes gazed downwards. "The fact that apparently the Pokémon have also gotten jobs, which I'll give the author a free pass on because there are multiple instances of Pokémon helping out in the workplace, doesn't really assuage my fears."

* * *

_Of course, Jason made sure that a decent chunk of everyone's free time was spent training, and Jack's entire team got progressively stronger as a result; after extensive training using the gym as an obstacle course, Katana's speed and attack went up (game terminology), and she learned the move Fly (in your face, Gamefreak) without forgetting one of her other moves; an oddity, but none of them were well-informed enough to notice anything out of the ordinary._

* * *

Arceus looked at the screen in absolute horror before slowly raising his head back and proceeding to slam his face into the desk, screaming out indistinguishable complaints all the while. After a few minutes of that, Arceus lifted up his head from the face-sized dent in his desk, eyes spinning around as he tried to regain his bearings. Mew hesitantly floated up and placed the bag of ice on his head before quickly floating out of the room like she had seen a ghost. The equine Pokémon closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and quickly recomposed himself.

"Moving on..." he began, trying to ignore what had just happened.

"Pretty much everything else in this section is just exposition, and the indication that a usually cold Snivy belonging to the gym; Ivy," Arceus snorted. "Has been warming up to Jack."

* * *

J_ack, Jason, Lucy, and Wendy entered the gym at precisely 9:00;_

* * *

_(Kyurem: STOPWATCHES!)_

"So, after Jack arrives and gets to work at his job of groundskeeper, Ivy approaches him and asks him if he is getting ready to leave, which he assures her he's not. However, fate seems to beg to differ, as Jack later senses something familiar in trying to locate the Grass Type."

* * *

_He was right, the Aura signature was very similar, but it wasn't the freeze pokémon; a closer inspection revealed that, whereas Articuno was female, the approaching creature was undoubtedly male. Like it's ice-type predecessor, it had incredible mental defences. Jack could only get a few, vague impressions; such as the bird's gender. He could, however, tell that it was headed straight towards the city._

* * *

Arceus looked at the screen apprehensively.

"I don't want to know what type of impressions Jack got that helped him determine Moltres' gender. Regardless, apparently it will take the impending disaster a little while to arrive, because everyone knows that it's best to build up tension only to completely defuse it seconds later, Jack and Co. decide to prepare for the impending attack in the most logical, responsible and tactically-sound way possible: getting lunch." the Normal Type rolled his eyes.

"Because you can never fight crime and crazed Legendaries on an empty stomach. And, due to no fault of their own, by the time their lunch break is over Moltres has already razed half the city. You would think that our resident Grass Type Gym Leader would at least be able to contain a homicidal Fire/Flying Legendary Pokémon long enough for our heroes to arrive." The Legendary took a breath.

"Regardless, Jack and his friends engage it, and they manage to both blow their cover and chase away Moltres at the same time. Jack repeats his vanishing act once more and disappears from Eterna, ending the chapter on a rather bitter note as he sets out on the road again."

* * *

_Today was not going to be a good day; that much Jack could tell. There was nothing to suggest that something bad would happen; the sun rose in a clear sky, the bird pokémon started singing right on time, and all was peaceful and serene. But there was something out of the ordinary, something that put him on edge;_

_He didn't have a single dream last night._

_This could, and should, have been a sign that things were looking up; but Jack got the feeling that it was just the calm before the storm, so to speak._

* * *

_(George Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!)_

* * *

_He had all but forgotten his earlier worries, when he suddenly got an almost irresistible urge to run, to get out of that place, to put as much distance between him and his current position as possible. He'd only just managed to fight down the instinct, when his ears picked up what his subconscious had tried to warn him about; danger, from behind them. He spun on his heel just in time to see two, no, four figures stumble out of the trees; on closer examination, they were a gallade, an alakazam, a kirlia, and an abra. They were all males, they all looked exhausted, and the feeling of danger wasn't coming from them._

_"Please," said the alakazam, "please, help us; they're right behind us!"_

_"Who's right behind you," Jack asked more urgently than he had intended._

_"No time," the gallade replied just as hurriedly, "we need to get out of here, now!"_

_With out any further questions, they ran; Lucy carried the alakazam, who was far too light to be healthy, Jack carried the abra, and Jason carried the kirlia. The gallade was strong enough to keep up. They ran as most of them had never run before; Jack's feeling of unease had evolved into an infectious panic, which had spread to the entire party._

_"They're coming," the gallade repeated, "we need to go faster!"_

_Jack got one of those brilliant ideas that seem only to come at the last minute; he tossed the abra to Jason, and telepathed to Cap, "put the strongest Protect you can around all of you."_

_Cap knew better than to ask questions when Jack used that tone of... mind? He obeyed with a strength born of fear; all the pokémon were completely encased in a glowing sphere of energy. Jack's eyes shone gold as he grabbed hold of the entire thing with Psychic, then launched himself forward at incredible speeds using Extremespeed; towing all ten pokémon behind him._

* * *

Arceus lifted his pointed hooves up in the air in the best shrug he could muster before slamming them back into the floor. "If you have the strength to tow ten Pokémon, can use moves more powerfully than the Pokémon themselves, and have even somewhat managed to chase away two crazed Legendaries, then what's stopping you from just turning around, blinking in the unknown villain's direction, and then sitting back in a hammock and sipping juice out of a coconut as they spontaneously combust?"

Mew floated up next to Arceus, arms crossed, while he visibly tensed. "Hey! At least he passes out afterwards, Arcy. It's not like he can do it and not be exhausted!"

* * *

_"Are you alright?" she asked._

_"Aside from a splitting headache," he replied, "I suppose so."_

_The bug-type looked relieved, "good, everyone is just talking about what's going on."_

_He walked out of the cave, ignoring the sharp pain between his eyes, and those same eyes soon saw the rest of his_  
_company, as well as the four newcomers, sitting around a tiny fire. They were talking amongst themselves, but fell silent_  
_when they saw Jack emerge from the cave._

_"So," Jason called, "you're feeling better then?"_

_"Yeah," Jack replied once more, "but I have a splitting headache from the strain of carrying you all here. Speaking of which, why are we here? And who are you four?"_

_The alakazam spoke up, "Yes, let us introduce ourselves; my name is Simon. This," he gestured to the gallade, "is Matthew, and his son," pointing to the kirlia, "is Tobias; Toby, for short. And this," the abra, "is my son, Solomon. So, now you know our names, and your friends have told us much about you, Jack Storm."_

_"I'm fine with that, I don't keep secrets." "At least, not from pokémon," he thought._

_"There's still a lot you haven't told us yet," Jason said to Simon, "such as, who was chasing you?"_

_The Psi pokémon suddenly looked quite nervous, "we, we don't know it's real name; the Predator."_

* * *

_(Kramer: Well, you know, the police have been having some internal dissention about the name.)_

"So, after talking a bit more about the Predator, the Jack and his new friends come up with a plan to escape the whatever it is using himself as a distraction and Mt. Coronet's cave network as an escape tunnel, which I have to say is actually a pretty good idea." Arceus nodded in approval.

"And things still go completely haywire."

* * *

_Once they had walked for a minute or so, however, Jack's sense of dread returned full force. The feeling was so strong, that Jack was certain that the plan had gone horribly wrong somehow. He flung a psychic probe towards the other group, fearful of what he might find. What he did find, made his stomach freeze over; acute, concentrated fear, surges of energy that signified combat, and a sickening hunger focused towards them._

_"Oh Lord, no," he exclaimed, "Aura, this way!"_

_Once again, Jack easily outran Aura out of sheer terror for his friends safety; within a minute, he was at the scene. And what a terrible scene it was. Strewn across the rocky terrain were the entire group; frozen like statues. Even as he watched, Wendy, who had been hiding behind the frozen Lucy, was struck with a bolt of energy and frozen like the rest._

_Jack's entire body was split into two distinct feelings; a cold more numbing than ice, and a heat that burned like a volcano. They weren't dead, he realized, but immobilized; he could still detect their Auras. He calmed down a little; there was still hope. Those feelings returned full force however, when a figure in a black cloak, and with some sort of gauntlet on it's hand, stepped out of the shadows. The Predator, as Jack correctly assumed it was, raised a devise to it's head and spoke into it._

_"All targets acquired, save one; continue search."_

_Jack realized that it meant Aura, and he sent an urgent telepathic message to her; stay away. Once he was sure that she wasn't going to come anyway, he severed the connection; just in case they could track her through him. This done, he mimicked the Predator and stepped into the light in an unintentionally menacing manner. If it was startled to see him appear so suddenly, it didn't show it._

_"I was wondering when you were going to show up," it said to him in a tone that clearly stated that it didn't consider him a threat, or worth it's time and effort._

_"You will let my friends go, now," Jack said in a deceptively calm voice._

_"And what makes you think you're in a position to be making requests?" it asked._

_"It wasn't a request."_

_The Predator appeared amused at this, "oh, that was your idea of a threat then? Well in case you hadn't noticed, you don't have any pokémon to fulfill it."_

_Jack's mask of calm peeled away, to reveal the snarling beast within. He closed the distance between them in a heartbeat, and another heartbeat later the Predator had flown that distance backwards, courtesy of Jack's fist. It got back up with a startled look on it's face... Wait, face? The figure's hood had been knocked off by the impact, revealing a middle aged woman with steel-gray hair. She processed the information given to her a second sooner than Jack; that second was all she needed to pull out two pokéballs._

_"Salamance, Drapion, get that boy!"_

* * *

Arceus raised an eyebrow in interest, while Mew materialized a bucket of popcorn into her paws and dimmed the lights.

"Hunter J? Well... let's see where this goes, shall we?"

* * *

_The two heavyweight pokémon struck Jack like a well oiled machine; Drapion flinging a Cross Poison at him, then Salamance following up with Dragon Claw. The shock of the attacks efficiently snuffed out the shock of the Predator_  
_being a woman._

_Before Jack could retaliate against Salamance, it's Dark/Poison type reinforcement launched a brutal Pin Missile attack. And before Jack could get a handle on that, Salamance finished up the combo with Hyper Beam; another direct hit._

_When the smoke cleared, Jack was lying on the ground; unconscious._

* * *

Both Arceus and Mew stared at the screen in shock, the latter's mouth agape as the bucket slipped out of her grip.

* * *

_The woman snorted in derision, "he really was pathetic. Drapion, finish him off."_

_The Ogre Scorpion closed in on Jack's inert form, and prepared a Poison Fang attack. It lunged in,_

_and ran head first into Jack's outstretched hand._

_"Correction," he said, eyes glowing like molten gold, "he was a really good actor."_

* * *

Arcues sighed dejectedly while Mew cheered, pumping a fist into the air.

"Well, things predictably take a turn for the worst with J, but she manages to retreat by fighting dirty after releasing Jack's Pokémon, because apparently she has the sense to know that no one, Pokémon, Human or otherwise, would never be capable of defeating Jack in a fair fight, and Jack retreats as well, escaping with his Pokémon through Mt. Coronet. Afterwards, J picks up the pursuit again, and Simon and Matthew decide to sacrifice themselves to buy the others time to truly escape." Arcues' gaze became somewhat contrite, eyes glancing to the side.

"And I'll admit that it's rather-" Mew clutched her chest and feel backwards, a shaky paw raised dramatically in the air.

"The feels!" Arceus shook his head.

"That. And so, they carry onto Veilstone. Later Jack reflects upon all the holes in his past during their training session, while Solomon and Toby each try to carry on their father's legacies." Mew looked up at Arceus quizzically.

"Really? You're not going to play any of that chapter?" the Legendary shook his head.

"No. There's nothing to joke about that would not cross into irreverence, and as a whole it's just a very good chapter when it comes to expounding character. If I were to try to show the highlights, I would end up cutting out the details, and that would only result in me skimming over the depth of it." Mew looked downwards.

"Oh..." Arceus returned his attention to the screen.

"Before entering Veilstone, Jack catches Solomon and Toby, presenting him with the dilemma of having to put Pokémon in the PC."

* * *

_"So," Jack concluded, "We need to figure something out."_

_It didn't take long for Solomon to get an idea, "You could just release two of us from our Pokéballs, and we would simply have maintain a constant vigil to avoid the 'Eterna Incident' from happening again."  
_

_Jack thought for a minute or two before replying, "If we were to do that, then who would be released?"  
_

_Here, Katana interjected, "It seems to me, that Pokémon which average trainers think of as 'common' would have better chances of not being captured; right?"  
_

_"That's is correct," Solomon sighed.  
_

_"Well then," Katana continued, "there's only two logical choices; Cap and I. I mean, the rest of us are a lucario, an absol, an abra, two kirlia, and a dratini; all pretty high on the rarity scale. Cap and I are the only ones who won't be snagged at first sight."  
_

_The normally soft-spoken Cap startled almost everyone by agreeing completely, "After all, it's not like we haven't run the risk of being captured before, but that's a story for another time."  
_

_Jack weighed the options, and came up with no better plan, "Alright, but even though I'm not on the friendliest of terms with Pokéballs, they keep you safe from other trainers; this is only a temporary solution, and we'll have to think of something else soon enough._

* * *

"In the mean time, let me once again prove that I've found a way to maneuver around the most basic restrictions placed on trainers." Mew crossed her arms.

"C'mon, Arcy; it's not like he did it without any explanation." the Alpha Pokémon sighed.

"True, I suppose... Regardless, apparently news has gotten around about Jack, and Nurse Joy asks him if he was talking to his Pokémon, to which he blatantly lies to her face without a second thought. Jason criticizes him for doing so, pointing out the she probably was just curious and wanted to thank him for saving her sister in Eterna, and he concedes that he was probably being paranoid. After getting some regular clothes, because he finally realized he stuck out like a sore thumb walking around in a blue martial arts uniform, Jack decides to go challenge the local Gym Leader."

* * *

_When he got there, a battle was just starting; Jack and co. decided to sit in the bleachers and watch. They weren't alone however, there were two other humans on the sidelines; a brown-haired man, and a blue-haired girl in a cheerleader's unoform. With them were a croagunk, a piplup, a buneary, a pachirisu, and an ambipom. Jack led his team to sit directly behind them. From there he could see the competitors clearly; a pink haired girl in gym clothes, and a black-haired boy with a pikachu by his side._

_The announcer gave the customary preliminary speech, "THE BATTLE IS GYM LEADER MAYLENE VERSES CHALLENGER ASH KETCHUM OF PALATE TOWN. IT WILL BE THREE ON THREE, AND ONLY THE CHALLENGER IS ALLOWED TO SUBSTITUTE POKÉMON. THE BATTLE WILL BE OVER WHEN ALL POKÉMON ON ONE SIDE ARE UNABLE TO BATTLE. BEGIN!"_

* * *

Arceus blinked blankly.

"I was joking earlier when I mentioned Ash. I suppose I should have seen it coming due to J, but still." the pseudo-deity cleared his throat.

"Yes, well; the following battle, and two chapters, is essentially a retelling of the anime's one, one that I must admit stays quite faithful to the source material while still making it entertaining, mixed in with Jack's analysis of Ash's unorthodox fighting style and a few conversations with Dawn. After Ash's victory, Ash and Co. decide to go sightseeing a bit, again, sticking to canon, and Jack decides to follow." Mew looked up from her position next to the white Pokémon.

"So... that's another ten chapters, Arcy. What's your Judgement on it now?" Arceus hummed in consideration.

"Well, it's gotten considerably better. While there are still multiple issues with consistency, and multiple issues that remain completely unexplained, such as the flexibility of move limits, not to mention Jack still comes off as being a Gary Stu, there's also been considerable development for character. Lucy in particular is already shaping up to be a very good inclusion, and Jack himself is beginning to show flaws, and some of the more outlandish issues have been resolved as well. The battles are beginning to slowly turn around as well; becoming better with each one, and I do enjoy how the author is going into depth with Jack's concerns and worries over himself, his place in the world, and his past. I can't come to a definite conclusion yet, seeing as we're only halfway through, but things are certainly looking up." Arceus let out a pent up breath and turned to look down on the small Pokémon.

"But, for now, I feel I could use a break."

* * *

_**Arceus the Critic**_

* * *

_We'll be right back!_


	19. Editorial 6 & 'Dramatic' Scene 1

"Greetings, and now for some intermission. Today, given the impending release of Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon, I would like to talk about a game that has been etched into the memories of many Pokémon fans: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky. Though adored by almost everyone who has played it, it was critically panned, much like the rest of the franchise, for reasons that remain beyond me." Arceus' eyes narrowed.

"For example; one 'professional' reviewer gave it a 4.9 out of 10, simply for the fact that it had _pixels_, of course not taking into account that this game was based off a 2007 engine made for the Nintendo DS, OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO HAVE PIXELS YOU-"

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

_(Bugs Bunny: Maroon.)_

_(John Cleese: Bastard!)_

_(Wigglytuff: ...Meanie.)_

_(Hades: Idiot)_

_(Ed Rooney: Brat.)_

_(Franziska von Karma: Fool!)_

_(Dark Helmet: As-)_

Arceus' eyes went wide. "NO! Eh, sorry about that. It's just... well..."

_(John Cleese: Ooooh! It makes me mad...)_

"Right." the Alpha Pokémon coughed uncomfortably. "Well, back to the topic at hand."

"Particularly, I would like to ask the question of whether or not it is the best Pokémon game. No, not the best _side _game, I believe that is somewhat clear, rather I mean whether or not it is the best game _overall_. Yes; today I will examine whether or not a side game was actually the pinnacle of the _entire_ Pokémon series, not just its own."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Was Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky the best Pokémon Game?**

* * *

"So, why don't we start this off this analysis with perhaps one of the biggest attraction points of the Mystery Dungeon Series?"

**1: Pokémon**

Arceus nodded.

"Yes, this has been one of the defining features of the Mystery Dungeon series, save Gates to Infinity, in which all 'official' Pokémon, and I say that because though I was well known by the time of Sky, I had not been officially released but was still given a cameo, have been present in game, and based on the fact that all eighteen starter Pokémon, as well as Riolu and Pikachu, are available to be selected from in Super, it would be safe to assume that tradition has been reinstated. Now, this is to not be confused with the _capacity _to have every Pokémon present; that, too, has been a feature in every main Pokémon game. In Platinum, if you caught every regional Pokémon, and traded/migrated the gaps with either Johto, Hoenn and Kanto, then you could fulfill the National Pokedex. The same applies to other titles."

"But the difference is in the fact that all Pokémon are available in the single game alone; the worlds that the Mystery Dungeon games take place in are just that; worlds, which contain all Pokémon, and Sky allowed you to gain every one of them without the need for another title." the Alpha Pokémon cleared his throat.

"Quite frankly, this is a point that needs no further explanation; it's simply one of the most obvious parts where Sky managed to outclass the main games."

**2: Battles**

"And now for a less obvious one," Arceus said, eyes glancing downwards slightly.

"Battles, for lack of a better term, have a more strategic bent in the Mystery Dungeon series; range is an important factor, and terrain is a slightly more integral part, but both have a much larger emphasis than base Pokémon games. Likewise, up to four Pokémon can be utilized at once, and in addition to their abilities, stats and moves, each have IQ induced skills that can prove handy in both battle and the more passive travel. In short; battles in Sky put a stronger emphasis on strategic planning and movements than the main games." the Normal Type nodded.

"However, that is not to say that necessarily makes the better; one shortcoming they did have was a lack of variety. Due to the fact that so much was available from the start, and given the inherent nature of the genre, there could be very little variety in the battles themselves that did not extend beyond the layout of the floor. The main games, on the other hand, would present different styles; namely double and multi, and later triple, rotation, reverse, reverse type, and sky battles. There were also specific areas designed to give you special and unique challenges, namely the Battle Frontier. Most of the Mystery Dungeon games have tried to recreate this with a few certain dungeons, but their challenge barely extends beyond placing restrictions upon your team, which ends up reducing a usually strategy-based game to one of luck instead of actually creating a unique challenge."

"So, though it was certainly a step in the right direction, I can't particularly say that Mystery Dungeon's battles eclipsed the main games. Were they a unique challenge in of themselves? Absolutely; in addition to the actual battles, the more placid exploration was also a battle in of itself, where time, in particular hunger, traps and the move limit, was your opponent, but I cannot say they were stronger either."

**3: Non-Battles**

"In most Pokémon games, there has usually been something else to do besides battling. Hoenn and Sinnoh both have Contests, as well as the Secret Bases and the Underground, Johto has the Pokéathalon, Unova had Musicals and Movies, and most regions have had a game corner or some equivalent. Kalos had squat, especially ironic given what it was based off of, but that's beside the point. In Sky, however, the closest thing that could truly equate to these would have been filling in for Sentry Duty, or, to a lesser degree, Spinda's Café and the Shaymin Village, but both were heavily reliant on Exploring." Arceus' gaze became somewhat wistful.

"So, in this aspect, I would have to say that the main games triumph."

**4: Difficulty **

"Naturally, since the Mystery Dungeon series, like most side games, are a radical departure from the usual methods of the regular Pokémon games, they bring a new challenge in of themselves. So, in a sense, this would be comparing apples to oranges, but it's still important to approach. The Mystery Dungeon series, as mentioned before, have always provided a more complex, strategic front to Pokémon, sans Gates to Infinity, and as a result, have usually provided a more consistent difficultly to it. There are very few times where anything is easy enough that you don't have to pay attention, and even if your team is strong enough that it can afford to ignore the local Pokémon, there is still the matter of hunger and other inherent inhibitors that forces you to be engaged. There's always some form of challenge, be it some of the base mechanics or the Zero Isle dungeons and Destiny Tower. And then there's the matter of a few boss battles..." Arceus cleared his throat, shaking his head.

"If only for the fact that Sky provided difficultly more consistently, I would have to say it surpasses the main games in this aspect. Though it's contemporaries, Platinum, Heart Gold and Soul Sliver, all provided a consistent challenge as well, the underlying design of Sky, and its predecessors, all ensured that it was never wanting."

**5: Aesthetics**

Arceus' eyes narrowed slightly.

"Though judging a game solely on its aesthetics is a ridiculous concept, it would be just as ridiculous to say they play no part in one at all. This has been something that I have approached in the past, but I might as well go over it again for the occasion. Sky's soundtrack contains, arguably, the largest amount of memorable pieces from any Pokémon game, and was universally enjoyed. Whereas the only largely remembered track from the Rescue Team games now is Sky Tower's theme, many of the tracks from the Explorers games have stood the test of time. This is most likely due to how fitting many of the pieces were for their situations, many of them being able to act as the dialogue in of themselves, and the nostalgia that is derived from that."

"However, Sky has its work cut out for it; Platinum's soundtrack is nothing to sneeze at, and it was preceded by Hoenn's and succeeded by Unova's. So, though certainly a solid one, I cannot say for sure whether or not it surpasses the main games in that aspect." the Alpha Pokémon gazed downwards.

"As for the visuals themselves, they seem to strike a proper balance. While you can see everything in the overworld, dialogue also brings up a small portrait of the character that changes depending on their reaction. In the main games, everything takes place in the overworld without such additions, albeit it's more detailed, and the closest thing to art is the occasional VS sign. On the other extreme end of the spectrum, there was Pokémon Conquest, where the majority of interactions actually involved near-full renders of the characters, whose appearances and stances would also change depending on situation, while the majority of the detail in the overworld was reserved for battles. In this, I would say that by striking that balance, the Mystery Dungeon series has managed to eclipse the main games in terms of visuals."

**6: Story, Characters and Plot**

The Alpha Pokémon let out a heavy sigh.

"And now for the big, obvious one. Though Pokémon had been increasing the emphasis on story, character and plot with Sinnoh, the Mystery Dungeon series had already eclipsed it in those aspects with its first installment, and Sky was the pinnacle of that. This point, I feel, is obvious enough that I do not need to reiterate it; Sky provided arguably the best character, plot and story ever seen in a Pokémon game. From the average characters who would have rarely gotten expanded upon in a regular Pokémon game such as Marill and Azurill, to ones who were important but still got entire stories devoted to them like Bidoof and Wigglytuff, pretty much everyone was developed sufficiently. The world was, in a word, vibrant. It felt alive because so much effort had been placed into everyone. And of course, there was Grovyle." Arceus nodded.

"The story, too, was the best. The world falling apart is a common theme in all Mystery Dungeon iterations, but only in Sky was is so expertly handled. It was subtle; it didn't constantly beat you over the head by pointing out that a rainbow was missing only to quickly add on that there was nothing anyone could do to restore it, but it was still visible; it progressed as more time gears were lost, but you were still lead to believe that the damage was reversible if they were restored to their proper places. It wasn't rushed, either; it took the time to personally show you the effects of the collapse of time on the world, from the increasing corruption of Pokémon like Drowzee, to the Luxio tribe's distrust, you could actually see that, even beyond the main characters, there was still something working in the background even on the most insignificant levels to the overall story (but that did not make them irrelevant asides either)."

"And, finally, there were the villains. One thing Pokémon has done very well since Generation III was the villains; Cyrus, Ghetsis, Lysander, and even many of their subordinates, are all very good villains. However, the Explorers games were really the only ones to have a proper villain." The Alpha Pokémon nodded once more as obviously pre-recorded gasps rang out.

"Indeed. In the original Rescue Team games, the true, nefarious villain who had been behind the world's distortion and orchestrated everything was... a giant meteor with no will of it's own?" The Normal Type deadpanned. "Which also means that Gengar was the real big bad, since he at least tried to hinder you at almost every turn. Gates to Infinity wasn't much better. The Bittercold lacked almost any real buildup or development, and wasn't even a real Pokémon but an overgrown snowflake with no real motive or will, Munna's Gang had almost no development beyond their namesake leader, and as a result their motives came off as flimsy, and Kyurem was too much of a fatalist to be anything more than an anti-villain. Their battles were perhaps even worse."

"However, in Explorers, we had Dusknoir and Primal Dialga, both focused on solely on self-preservation in a world of utter darkness. Dusknoir and the Sableye served willing because none of them could simply bear the thought of fading into nothing without a trace and fought with every underhanded and downright evil tactic they had to protect it, while Primal Dialga, as bestial and power mad as he was, still had the will to survive by any means necessary and enforce its twisted view of time upon a world utterly devoid of it. And then there was Darkrai." Arceus' gaze became pensive.

"Despite the fact that there have been multiple characters that have insisted that there are no evil Pokémon, Darkrai sure has been used or portrayed as a villain a disproportionally large amount of times. The Sinnoh Games, Explorers, Shadows of Almia, Poképark, the Anime, the Magna... Had there been another Orre game I'm certain he would have played a role..." the Pokémon cleared his throat and redirected his gaze.

"Forgive me. Darkrai was arguably the greatest villain Pokémon has created; someone willing to go to any lengths necessary, including the destruction of both time and space themselves, and eliminate anyone or anything in his way, to achieve the power he desired. But he wasn't just bluster either; he was very much a schemer who preferred to stay in the shadows, slowly manipulating events to his desired outcome until it was absolutely necessary to intervene, such as in the player's and Grovyle's time traveling exploits, or even to a lesser degree atop Temporal Tower, where one might manage to spot his shadow. Even as he orchestrated quite literally every event in the game, intentionally or otherwise, he still had enough foresight to plan an escape route so he could begin his plotting all over in the slim chance he did lose."

"So yes, clearly there's no contest when it comes to the plot, story and characters."

* * *

Arceus gave a curt nod. "So, having analyzed the main points of both games, is Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky the best game Pokémon has made?"

The Alpha Pokémon's eyes glanced upwards slightly, letting out a contemplative sigh. "To be honest, I can't definitely say. It's undeniable it's an incredible game, but I simply cannot say for certain if it was the best. It's certainly open for debate, but for now, I think that alone is sufficient."

* * *

**The End**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Mr. Grool_

_Dragon Niro_

_**Credits:**_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Looney Tunes_

_Monty Python's Flying Circus - Dirty Fork_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky_

_Kid Icarus: Uprising_

_Ferris Bueller's Day Off_

_Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice for All_

_Spaceballs_

* * *

Arceus let out a melancholy hum as he powered down the computer, turning around only to come face-to-face with Mew.

"What's wrong, Arcy?"

"Hm?" the Alpha Pokémon blinked when he realized the question. "Oh, nothing. I just feel I could have said more, done more."

"Don't sweat it too much, Arcy! I think you did a good job," the Alpha Pokémon would have smiled at her comment.

"Thank you, but I still cannot seem to shake that feeling..."

The Pokémon let out a sigh and hovered out of the room, Mew in tow.

* * *

The columned room was eerily dark and silent, only a few rays of light floating down on the dais emblazoned with an image of Keldeo the three figures cloaked in black found themselves gathered around. One was of normal build, his cloak falling down naturally, though the hood was slightly wider than the norm. The other two were much larger; one's cloak having two protrusions from its back, falling over it like how one would cover a car with a sheet, while the other's was large enough it looked more like an oversized bed sheet, the hood being unusually elongated in the back.

"Now..." the deep, gravelly voice echoed out from beneath the darkness of the final one's hood. "Shall we begin?"

"Is there any reason you have to use that voice?" this one came from the second largest member, who craned his covered neck.

"It's fitting; why do you think we're in these ridiculous getups?" the other's voice had returned to normal despite his protests, while the former just let out an dismissive sigh.

"Anyway," the shortest said, shifting around slightly. "Are we going to start?"

"Yes, let's get underway."

Right as the tallest had finished uttering those words, the room was suddenly flooded with light as the door behind him swung open.

"Hi guys! Sorry to keep you waiting, but I got my costume and candy! Let's get this party started!"

Genesect and Kyurem turned to look at Arceus, the former removing his hood with a heavy sigh, while the Alpha Pokémon was too busy gazing at Mew in disbelief to notice their deadpans.

"This- This is not a costume party, Mew," the New Species Pokémon, who had wrapped the cloth around her into a toga, and was performing a few mid-air backflips, stopped abruptly and pouted.

"Aw... Well, that explains why I wasn't invited. Then what is it?"

The three legendaries exchanged nervous glances, Arceus floating forward slightly.

"It's a secr-"

"Don't help me, I can figure this out!" the Pink Pokémon quickly replied with a wave of the paw, before putting it to her chin in contemplation, sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth, only for her eyes to go wide.

"Wait! I know..." she uttered, not noticing Kyurem charging up an Ice Beam. Rather, she abruptly spun around, and pointed an accusatory finger at the trio.

"You're secretly a rock band and these are your stage costumes!" Kyurem's attack died in his throat, icy jaw going agape and letting out a frozen mist, while all three quickly looked at each other in horror. Mew however, remained oblivious. "Yeah! Genesect on the synthesizer, Kyurem on the xylophone and Arcy on the harpsichord!"

"You play the harpsichord?" Kyurem asked, yellow eyes glancing down at the Pokémon's uncovered hooves. Arceus floated around, his visage having become quizzical.

"You play the xylophone?"

The Boundary Pokémon opened his mouth, but quickly closed it, crossing his arms. "Touché."

The Psychic Type ignored the two legendary's aside and floated up to Arceus. "Oh, please let me join, Arcy!"

This time Arceus looked back to the two other critics, all three sharing the same nervous look and silent understanding, before turning back to the Psychic Type at his hooves. He gave a slow, hesitant nod. "Sure..."

"Great!" Kyurem growled as Mew did another back flip. This couldn't lead anywhere good.

* * *

He was proven right a few minutes later.

"This is demeaning," the Boundary Pokémon hissed to Arceus, not even bothering to look down as he randomly hit notes (not that he could, given that the proportions of his neck to his arms required the legendary to have the instrument as close to his icy body as possible). Arceus let out a sigh, stopping his mental manipulation of the keys long enough to reply.

"Just play along for a little while longer so we can fake what causes most real bands to implode."

"Creative differences?" Genesect chimed in, looking up from his mechanical instrument. Kyurem raised an eyebrow himself.

"Vice?"

"I was going for ego, but I suppose those work too," the three Pokémon winced as Mew hit a high note, all sure that had somehow shattered a piece of glass somewhere, before quickly returning to their instruments and randomly playing in hopes of being able to drown out each other, each wishing for the torture to be over as soon as possible.


	20. Rising Storm: Book 1 - Part 3

"We're back, Arcy!" Arceus' head snapped up from the newspaper he was reading through, and he put it and the cup of tea floating next to his head aside.

"We are?" the Alpha Pokémon's eyes went wide as he saw the red light. "We are! Of course..."

The Normal Type cleared his throat, while Mew floated up next to him. "Now were where we?"

"Chapter twenty one."

"Right; Enter Galactic," Arceus hummed. "Well, even if the chapter's subtitle is 'after a bit of exposition', we do eventually get to the anticipated part."

* * *

_Before the conversation could go any farther, the sky was lit up with a bright blue glow. The group, and the entire city with them, looked up to see several pillars of blue light piercing the night sky. But more than that, Jack and Jason both felt a strong Auric disturbance emanating from the lights. They looked up in amazement for a few seconds,_

* * *

_(Dory: It's so... pretty.)_

* * *

_before Jack had the presence of mind to realize that this couldn't be a good thing._

_"Come on," he cried, snapping the rest of his team out of their shock._

_They bobbed and weaved through Veilstone City, in the general direction of the lights. Then, as quickly as they appeared, the lights faded. The disturbance in the Aura, however, did not._

_"Alright," Katana asked, "what was that?"_

_Jack's eyes glowed gold, "Let's find out."_

* * *

"And so they do, somehow managing to see the bright lights but not the giant helicopters until they turn a corner."

* * *

_"Oh, no you don't," Jack muttered, putting on a burst of speed. He arrived at the site just in time to see one of the __strangely dressed people, with blue hair instead of green, bring a toxicroak out of a Pokéball._

_"Toxicroak," the man said, "Sludge Bomb."_

_Then, Jack got a good look at Toxicroak's target._

_"Team Rocket!" he exclaimed, perfectly in sync with the other voices from across the field._

_Jack's mind slipped into warp-drive to do a head count; about a dozen green-haired people, their blue-haired leader and __his toxicroak, the three members of Team Rocket, and now Ash, Dawn, Brock, Maylene, and the Pokémon associated __with them had also arrived._

_"That escalated quickly," he thought._

_"Team Rocket," Ash repeated, "are those guys friends of yours?"_

_Jessie was thoroughly outraged, "Sure; best friends like you!"_

_"So," Jack observed, "they know each other too. This just gets more and more interesting."_

* * *

Arceus deadpanned. "Unless if you've seen the episode, in which it's just a retelling with a few changes to dialogue and action here and there."

* * *

_Then James spoke up, "Those fashion freaks stole our meteorites!"_

_"Fashion?" Dawn muttered, "Since when?"_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes lightly while Mew snickered into her paws.

* * *

_"We don't care about your landmarks," Blue-Hair said, "But these meteorites must take the necessary forms."_

_"Necessary for what?" Dawn asked._

_"I'm talking," he said, as if addressing children, "about the forms required to build the new world!"_

_Jack groaned, "Do the bad guys have some sort of contract? They always go on a monologue and give away their plans; some day, that little tidb it is going to be their downfall."_

* * *

_(Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you keep it a secret!)_

"To be fair to Saturn," the Alpha Pokémon began. "He gave away quite literally everything and nothing with that. But, fortunately for everyone, since Jack seems content to sit on the sidelines for now since no wild Pokémon are being threatened, Officer Jenny arrives to save the day."

Prerecorded audio of children cheering quickly rolled, while Mew looked around in confusion.

* * *

_"You took the meteorites, right?" Officer Jenny accused Blue-Hair._

_"Maybe, and maybe not," he retorted._

* * *

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

* * *

_"All communications are down because of your tricks."_

_"I'll bet they're responsible for the Pokémon Centre breakdown," Brock said._

_"Not just the Pokémon Centre," Jenny corrected him, "but every piece of sensitive electronic equipment in Veilstone."_

_"Okay," Jack revised, "so they're not as dumb as they look; they planned this out pretty well."_

* * *

"Unlike me," Arceus began, imitating the trainer's voice. "Who's suddenly stumbled into the middle of an episode of the Pokémon anime, and despite not being seen by the obvious villains and thus having the element of surprise, I think I'll just stand off to the side here and listen to the monologue unfold until my intervention is absolutely necessary. Or until I want to blow something up, whichever comes first."

"And, after Galactic decides to release their Golbat, he does just that."

* * *

_"Now?" Jason asked._

_Jack realized that the rest of his team had arrived without his noticing, and he smiled._

_"Now!"_

_After that one word, Jack lost track of the action; his team jumped into the fray, and began systematically taking down every golbat in sight._

_Jack, on the other hand, used the confusion to make a leap for one of the Galactic airships. With much difficulty, he climbed aboard one, took out every Galactic grunt on it, and forced it to drop its meteor._

* * *

"Upon which it unfortunately crushed four Golbats and two grunts known only by their codenames of 'stormtrooper' and 'red shirt'."

* * *

_He then proceeded to the next one; the ships were reasonably close together, so he just jumped from ship to ship._

* * *

_Grunt: Sir, someone's boarded one of the ships and has completely dispatched it's entire crew within a few seconds, and now he's looking at ours!_

_Commander: Hm... Maintain formation as tightly and close together as possible, we can't disrupt our light show that's alerted the entire city to our presence._

* * *

_He noticed that the others had taken care of all the golbat, and were now working on the meteorites as well. Mostly catching them as they fell. Then, as Jack leaped to the last airship, it moved away, causing Jack to drop to the ground. He only just managed to land on his feet._

_He looked up, in time to see the airships, one of them still carrying a meteorite, flying away. The Pokémon made one last attempt to stop them, but the ships were out of range._

_"They got away, with one meteorite," Jack stated the obvious._

_"Yes," Officer Jenny confirmed, "I just wish we knew what they're planning to do with that meteorite."_

* * *

Arceus sighed. "Specific question for a vague answer, I suppose."

* * *

_"You know, we never really introduced ourselves properly," Jack said, "I'm Jack Storm,_

* * *

"And no matter what you saw, I certainly did not just jump from one helicopter to another and start taking out Galactic Grunts that inexplicably disappeared in the aftermath." Arceus cleared his throat.

"So, after introductions are aside, everyone returns to the Pokémon Center where Ash, who is fortunately in one of his more intelligent incarnations, brings up an obvious question."

* * *

_"Hey Jack," Ash asked, "I was just wondering, why are all your Pokémon out of their Pokéballs?"_

_Jack hesitated, "Well, I just like spending time with them, that's all."_

_"And I can see that," Brock said, kneeling, "It's obvious how well you take care of them; they're well-trained, well-fed, and well-groomed." Jack glanced at Katana; he certainly hadn't been grooming them. The Bug-type shrugged, but she was smiling; Jack rolled his eyes._

_"But what I really want to know," Brock continued, "is how do you have eight Pokémon?"_

_Jack hesitated again, "Well, Cap and Katana aren't actually mine; technically, they're wild."_

_"And yet they follow you," Brock said, amazed._

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon deadpanned. "Even someone who has had to travel with Ash Ketchum across four regions is surprised by Jack."

* * *

"I have a magnetic personality, I guess."

The second he said it, he realized that it was true; people, humans and Pokémon alike, and even complete strangers, tended to trust him on sight.

_"One more mystery," _he thought, _"but let's test it."_

* * *

_Jack Storm: Quickly; someone get me a giant, neon sign that says 'Gary Stu', put it over my head and let's see if anyone comments._

* * *

Mew crossed her arms and looked at Arceus reservedly. "Really?"

The Alpha Pokémon only chuckled slightly. "I couldn't resist."

* * *

_"So Ash," he asked, "what are you going to do now?"_

_Ash answered without hesitation, "We're going to Pastoria City for my next gym battle."_

_"Do you mind if I come with you after mine?"_

_Once again, Ash didn't give it a second thought, "Sure; besides, I'd like to see your battle with Maylene too."_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Using Ash Ketchum as a test subject to see if you can easily influence other people is setting a _very _low bar."

* * *

_Jack's head was not in the game that morning._

_He was thinking about the occurrences of yesterday; primarily, the discovery of his 'magnetic personality', and the ramifications thereof. What concerned him the most, was that he had always known, deep down; he'd always been charismatic, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized how unnaturally trusting people were of him._

* * *

The Normal Type raised a non-existent eyebrow. "So Jack's slowly turning into the Jedi Exile?" The Legendary Pokémon's gaze turned down to Mew, who only smiled sheepishly.

"Well, he has the robes... And the followers... And he hasn't been around civilization for a long time... And he's being pursued by two powerful legendaries across Sinnoh... And he can use the For- aura."

"Regardless," Arceus hummed. "Jack heads off to battle Maylene with Ash and Co. watching from the sidelines, and I have to say it's probably the best battle yet; it's easy to follow, well described, balanced even. Jason gets knocked out in a duel with Maylene's Lucario, Aura evolves into a Dragonair, and Jack ultimately forfeits to spare his Pokémon any more harm. So yes, Chapter Twenty Two is a very solid battle. The next chapter starts with Jack parting ways with Ash and friends as he decides to stay in Veilstone to train for a while, and somehow one of his Pokémon raises a good question."

* * *

_Lucy raised a paw, not an easy feet (pun: intended),_

* * *

"Misspelling: too."

* * *

_"Jack, I've been wondering; why do you want to collect these gym badges anyway?"_

_Jack thought about this for a moment, "Actually, I have no idea."_

_"Oh."_

_Solomon scratched his chin thoughtfully, "Well, you're looking for an adventure; acquiring all gym badges, and defeating the Sinnoh League, is a challenging, yet achievable goal._

_Jack thought for a second, "Yeah, I'll buy that. Okay, can we redo that scene then? 'No'? What do you mean, 'no'?!"_

* * *

_(John Cleese: Zat's not funny!)_

"At this point I'm not going to even bother..." Arceus commented with a depressed sigh.

* * *

_Over the next couple weeks, Jack and his friends trained like they had only trained once before; Eterna. Like then, they received some unexpected help from the Gym Leader that they were training to challenge. Maylene offered them a training course, and bed at the dojo; Jack initially tried to politely decline the invitation, afraid that he was unconsciously coercing her into offering. After a while, however, he realized that it was just in her nature to help in training others; he then accepted. And since his robes resembled the martial arts uniforms already, he didn't even need to borrow a set._

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon's eyes lightened up.

"So Jack is going to be spending time with another human?" Mew raised an eyebrow.

"Why're you so excited?"

"Think about it;" Arceus commented, eyes glancing upwards. "Throughout the story, how many other human beings has Jack actually interacted with beyond a few strings of dialogue?"

Mew opened her mouth, but quickly closed it and scratched the back of her head. The Pink Pokémon then crossed her arms and tapped the side of her jaw. "Um... Well, I'm sure he talked with Gardenia more than a few times when he worked at Eterna's Gym."

"That was all offscreen," the Normal Type deadpanned, while the New Species Pokémon smiled sheepishly.

"Well, then... Uh... Zero." Arceus nodded.

"Exactly. Jack's Pokémon have plenty of personality, but it's not healthy or feasible for Jack to only interact with them."

"Huh..." Mew muttered, while the Equine Pokémon hummed in agreement.

"In fact, I actually hope Maylene will decide to travel with Jack once everything is said and done." Mew's head shot back to the white Pokémon towering over her.

"Huh!?"

"Yes. It wouldn't be entirely unprecedented given the amount of Gym Leaders that have abandoned their posts to go on a journey, and Jack and Maylene would make a good team." Mew raised an eyebrow.

"What makes you say that, Arcy?" the owner of the nickname chuckled slightly.

"Well, for starters, they work together quite well;"

* * *

_In fact, one time when they were sparring one-on-one, Maylene had this to say to Jack._

_"You know," she jabbed at his left side, "Your lucario, Jason, is really powerful."_

_Jack blocked it, and held his ground, "Not as powerful as yours; he practically radiates Auric power."_

_Jack could've kicked himself for giving that away, but he lashed out at Maylene's right side instead._

_She blocked his clumsy attack, and smiled, "Don't worry, I've known you were an Aura Wielder for a while; your secret is safe with me."_

_Jack launched a left hook, "How did you find out?"_

_Maylene avoided it, and retaliated with a roundhouse kick, "Lucario isn't the only one who 'radiates Auric power'; I can sense massive potential in you, and in Jason. Certainly more than me, and maybe even more than Lucario."_

_Jack faltered in surprise, and was knocked off his feet by an uppercut from the Gym Leader._

_She gave a small laugh, "You still need lots of work though, before you can reach that potential."_

_"Thanks for the warning," Jack said sarcastically as he got back up._

* * *

"There's also the fact that she becomes something of a mentor to him, and there's already a level of trust between the two;"

* * *

_He spent the rest of their sparring time in complete silence, pondering Maylene's words; more potential in Jason and himself, than in the Auric Titan, Lucario? Jack looked deep inside himself, but could only find mediocrity; he'd only just learned how to focus enough to form an Aura Sphere. And the next time he saw Jason, he looked at him closely too; he just couldn't see anything like the potential Maylene said she could see._

_But then, it came to him; Maylene could see it, but he couldn't. What if it was in the way Jack saw Jason, that was blurring his vision; the same thing that must have been blinding Jason to Jack's potential. Jack then looked at Jason, not as a brother, but as an individual and complex person; someone he might meet on the street._

_It was like putting on glasses; all of a sudden, Jack could see exactly what Maylene was talking about. Jason practically glowed with subtle power; it wasn't like Lucario's, open and flashy. It was more quiet, hidden, undiscovered maybe, but there nonetheless. Jack could plainly see that Jason's power was easily as great Lucario's; he realized with a shock, that if Maylene was right about Jason, then she also must have been right about him._

_"The problem was," he thought, as he sparred with Maylene, "that Jason and I must have grown up beside each other's power, and it just became normal; 'familiarity breeds contempt' and all that. We got so used to the other being an Aura beacon, that by the time we could have realized it, we didn't think twice about it."_

_Jack was snapped out of his reverie by Maylene's fist connecting with his face._

_"Oh, come on," she said with a smile, "You weren't even trying that time."_

* * *

_The longer Jack stayed at the dojo, the more he liked it there; he felt comfortable, or at least, a lot more comfortable than anywhere else. He still couldn't reveal the true extent of his powers, but no one thought anything of his enhanced agility and strength, or even of his Auric abilities. Of anything, they were more impressed, and even envious, than repelled. After a while, it started to feel a little like home. When the time came for his rematch with Maylene, after several weeks of training, he wasn't even sure that he wanted to leave._

_Jack shook his head to clear it, "Think about all that once you've won."_

_He stepped onto the field, brimming with confidence, and with a smile on his face, "Jason, it's show-time!"_

* * *

"Yes; Maylene's become something of a friend to Jack. She's taken him under her wing, given him a place to stay, has been someone for Jack to learn from and strive against, has kept his secret, and has all around been a likeable character. Given all the development that has ben devoted to her and her dynamic with our hero, it would actually be quite the waste if she didn't decide to tag along with him, or at the very least come back later."

Arceus concluded his commentary with a nod, while Mew, who was floating out of his line of sight and had grown a slightly sheepish smile, put a stubby finger to her lips.

* * *

_After Jack opted to send out Jason first, Maylene smiled and sent out Medicham; Jack's team weren't the only ones who had gotten stronger._

_The referee made his customary preliminary speech, "THE BATTLE IS GYM LEADER MAYLENE VERSES CHALLENGER JACK STORM OF GREENWOOD TOWN. IT WILL BE THREE ON THREE, AND ONLY THE CHALLENGER IS ALLOWED TO SUBSTITUTE POKÉMON. THE BATTLE WILL BE OVER WHEN ALL POKÉMON ON ONE SIDE ARE UNABLE TO BATTLE. BEGIN!"_

**_[Jason (Lucario) Age: 15. Ability: Steadfast. Moves: Metal Claw, Counter, Force Palm, Aura Sphere, Bone Rush, Close Combat (not mastered), and Focus Punch (not mastered).]_**

* * *

Arceus blinked.

"Changing the format still doesn't change the fact it interrupts the flow of the story. And what does the age of a Pokémon have to do with battling? Will we have to keep an eye on the older ones to make sure they don't throw a hip mid-move?"

"But aren't you ancient too, Arcy?"

"I could say very much the same about you," Mew just crossed her arms and turned her head indignantly. "Right... Well after the opening moves, Jason falls back and... they discuss the plan from the previous night that had somehow escaped the previous chapter?" the Pokémon shook his head.

"Well, frankly being interrupted every two sentences has become the norm around here, but I'll count my blessings that at least Pokémon don't inexplicably evolve in the middle of t-" the Psychic Type behind him pressed a button.

* * *

_Toby had evolved into a gallade, and the only thought in Jack's mind was, "Not again!"_

* * *

_(Mugatu: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!)_

Arceus turned around to Mew, who quickly hid the remote control behind her small back, and floated up the broken plank from earlier. Mew quickly covered her face and flinched, only to hesitantly open her eyes when no impact came, and saw one of the ends of the board was aimed towards her.

"Please," Arceus began, shoving the wood into her paws. "Hit me over the head with this as hard as you possibly can."

* * *

_"Toby, are you alright?" was what he said, but all he could think was, "Is it going to be just like the last match?"_

* * *

Mew was looking downwards, watching one of Arceus' golden hooves unconsciously twitch as he half-groaned, half-mumbled, before his body went limp, and quickly turned back and smiled nervously.

"Uh, don't worry; Arcy's fine," her reassurance was followed by another groan from below the screen, and still maintaining her smile, Mew telepathically picked up the plank and clubbed the Alpha Pokémon sprawled across the floor again. "But let's get onto the battle!"

* * *

_"Alright then Toby, use Psycho Cut!"_

_Machoke was prepared for an attack, but he wasn't prepared for Toby; the newly evolved Pokémon extended his armblades with psychic energy, and charged full-tilt at his opponent. Machoke used Brick Break to block the attack, but Toby had some brand-new tricks up his metaphorical sleeves; at the last second, he leaped clean over Machoke, and dealt a tremendous blow to its back._

_Machoke, still deceptively light on its feet, turned and launched Dynamic Punch at its smaller adversary, but the Blade Pokémon easily struck first with Shadow Sneak; disappearing completely for a second, and knocking Machoke off its feet from behind like a bolt of shadow. By the time Machoke got up, Toby was on the other side of the field, waiting._

_"I don't know about you," Solomon telepathed to Jack, "But it seems to me that Machoke is a bit of a one-trick-ponyta."_

* * *

"Says the pot to the kettle..." the Alpha Pokémon's barely-lucid comment was quickly followed by another pained cry.

Mew, eyes quickly running over the story after turning back from the legendary, smiled. "And the rest of the battle is really great! Jack and Maylene go back and forth, and then their Lucario's end up in a duel, only for Jason to fall back and Toby to barely squeak out a win!"

* * *

_"I knew it," Maylene exclaimed, "I knew that it would come down to this; Lucario versus Jason. It couldn't end any other way."_

_Jack's smirk grew imperceptibly, "We'll see."_

_Jason, being almost completely healed, lost no time in taking the initiative with Metal Claw. As expected, knowing that it could win a direct confrontation, Lucario responded with Metal Claw as well. However, at the last second, Jason switched to Bone Rush; this not only gave him an advantage of leverage, but also a fulcrum._

_Jason, instead of meeting his opponent head-on, used one end of his Auric staff to defend himself, and the other to knock Lucario off its hind paws; an underhanded blow, but an effective one. However, Jason wasn't the only one who could play dirty; Lucario, while on the ground, knocked Jason off his hind paws as well with a sweeping kick that definitely wasn't a Pokémon move._

* * *

_Eventually though, it became obvious who was better trained, and more powerful. Lucario slowly, but surely began to get the edge, as Jason began slowing down, and making mistakes. After about two minutes of combat, Jason was getting tired, but he kept on fighting._

_Then, Lucario delivered a much more powerful blow; throwing all its Steel-Type weight into the strike. The impact snapped Jason's Auric staff in two, and landed a resounding hit on his chest._

_Jason flew backwards, and into Jack's arms once again; weak, but in no way defeated. This time though, instead of sending him back to the field, Jack simply pulled out his brother's Pokéball._

_"I guess we'll be using the plan after all," Jack said._

_"So it would seem," Jason grunted, "I hope this works."_

_Jack smiled, "You haven't stopped saying that since Solomon came up with it. Like I said; if it doesn't, then you can make the next one."_

_This elicited a laugh from Jason, "I'll hold you to that."_

_With that, Jason was engulfed by the beam of red light, and disappeared. The sight still made Jack's stomach turn to ice, but he swallowed the feeling. He had a plan to follow._

* * *

_Lucario was, at this point, astonished, and a little apprehensive of this seemingly underestimated warrior. However, that wasn't going to stop the Aura Pokémon from winning. Lucario lunged forward with Metal Claw, but Toby simply disappeared._

_Lucario half expected this tactic though, and turned immediately with Bone Rush, just in time to be hit full in the face with Psycho Cut. And Toby wasn't finished with one, but kept on landing hit after hit, while Lucario was too stunned to do anything but try, unsuccessful, to block the attacks._

_Again and again Toby's psychic blades flashed, again and again Lucario attempted to block them; and failed. Everyone in the room was completely astounded at the Blade Pokémon's ferocity, and berserker strength._

_After what seemed like an eternity to Jack, Toby stopped his relentless attack, and backed off to survey his work._

_Lucario was now in almost as poor shape as Toby; battered, bruised, and bewildered. However, not beaten. The Aura Pokémon still had fight left, and Bone Rush proved just how much. Lucario charged at Toby with speed born of desperation. Closer and closer Lucario came, and closer and closer Toby let him come, until Lucario could see the whites of his opponent's eyes; eyes that were not afraid._

_At the last moment, just before Lucario delivered the final blow, Toby's blades began to glow. Faster than the human eye could follow, Toby ducked and swept his blades upwards in an X shaped Psycho Cut. The attack landed square on Lucario's chest, and threw the Aura Pokémon backwards into a wall. Lucario was out for the count; the battle was over; they had won._

* * *

"Yep!" the New Species Pokémon cheered. "And you more than earned it!"

* * *

_After the referee proclaimed Jack the winner, a hearty round of applause rang out from the benches. Jack released the Pokémon who were in their Pokéballs, then looked around at the people clapping; most of them were his own Pokémon friends, but there were also several people from the dojo, with whom Jack had become familiar during his stay._

_However, as he scanned the stands, one face stood out; a face he recognized._

_The face mouthed the word, "After," and Jack nodded; his smile broadening even farther. Jack and Jason then walked over to where Maylene was tending to Lucario's injuries, and Jack held out his hand to her._

_"That was a great battle," he said, "Thank you for allowing us to train here."_

_Maylene gave his hand a hearty shake, "It was fun training you Jack; I hope that we can battle again some day."_

_"Be careful what you wish for,"_

* * *

_Maylene: Even though I won't come back into the story._

* * *

_Jack then turned, and extended his hand to Lucario, "Master Lucario, I have more to thank you for, than I do Maylene; you've helped me and my br... partner, Jason, so much with our Auric powers; I don't know how to thank you."_

_Lucario got up and shook Jack's hand, "You just did. And please, call me Lucas. And as for you and your brother..."_

_Lucas laughed at the expressions on their faces._

_"How... How long have you known?" Jack exclaimed softly, surreptitiously switching to Pokéspeak._

* * *

"Uh, Jack; there are people nearby," Mew looked up slightly. "Oh well, Lucario tells Jack that his secret's safe with him."

* * *

_Just then, Jack realized that everything had gone silent; no one was clapping, no one was talking._

* * *

_Spectator: Did that human just speak to a Pokémon?_

_Other Spectator: Meh, that's normal compared to everything else that goes on around here._

* * *

Mew sighed and looked down. "I just can't do it."

Her head shot back up, brow furrowed and face contorting into one of slight shock. "Wow. I never thought I'd say that..." The Pokémon then shook her head and snapped her fingers, summoning a pail over the unconscious pseudo-deity, before quickly dumping a bucketful of iced water on the Normal Type. Arceus shot up and frantically looked around, before his gaze fell on Mew.

"What... What- Oh, never mind," the legendary sighed out as he resumed his position at the forefront. "Where were we?"

Mew pointed at the computer and Arceus gave a gruff nod.

* * *

_He turned around slowly, expecting the worst, and saw Maylene holding out a small, simple, metal box to him._

_"Jack Storm," The gym leader said, "For defeating the Veilstone City Gym, and for being the best student I've ever trained, I award you with the Cobble Badge; I don't think anyone here would say you haven't earned it."_

_Jack took the box with reverence, and opened it with quiet excitement; within it, was a small, orange square of metal in the shape of four bricks. Jack took his badge-case from his pocket, took the Cobble Badge out of its box, and placed the badge in the case alongside the Coal and Forest Badges._

_Jack placed the case back in his pocket, and made a formal bow to Maylene, "Thank you, Master Maylene."_

_The gym leader bowed as well, in mock-formality, "You're welcome, Jack Storm."_

* * *

Arceus sighed forlornly. "Farewell, Maylene; you will be missed. And now I suppose that Jack heads back on the roa-"

* * *

_"Nicholas."_

_"Jack!" The trainer exclaimed, "Good to see you again."_

_"You too," Jack said with a smile, "How have things been going with you?"_

_Nicholas whipped out his Badge-case, "Three, just like you; I defeated Maylene a while ago, and decided I could stand to wait a while here. Then, yesterday, I heard there was gonna be a gym battle; I decided to check it out, and this happened."_

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon blinked.

"So, we won't get Maylene, who has become the closest thing to a human friend that Jack has, but we'll get a trainer who had a short cameo a few chapters back whose only purpose was to present Jack with a moral dilemma?" the pseudo-deity performed a motion akin to shrugging.

"I'll take what I can get at this point. So, Jack and Nicholas talk for a while, and though he can't understand Pokémon, Nicholas gets the gist that Jack's Pokémon have warmed up to him and later decides to accompany him. As the chapter comes to an end, Jack begins to suspect a reason for something that has been plaguing this story."

* * *

_Jack sat awake in bed, thinking about all that had happened that day. However, it wasn't the gym battle he remembered most, or even his conversation with Nicholas. It was the book he bought afterwards; 'The Mysterious World of Pokémon'.  
_

_From it, Jack learned that it was true that only a select few Pokémon could learn more than four moves at a time. He also found out something even more shaking; in order for a kirlia to evolve into a gallade, it needs to be in close proximity to a Dawn Stone. Otherwise, the kirlia will become a gardevoir. _

_Jack knew for a fact that there were no Dawn Stones there when Toby evolved, so what happened? All he could think of was that he somehow caused it, and he didn't like that idea. Maylene and Lucas said he had great power; he wondered if maybe, he was the reason that his team could learn more than four moves too._

_"All the more reason to learn more," he thought, "I have to find answers. The sooner, the better."_

* * *

"Yes, Jack comes to the conclusion that he is a walking McGuffin," Mew crossed her arms but said nothing, while Arceus raised a non-existent eyebrow. "The next chapters are... a continuation of the crossover review with Keldeo!?"

Arceus' head snapped back to the Psychic Type floating behind him, who only gave a nod in confirmation.

* * *

_Jack woke with a start, and instinctively assessed his situation; he was in a room in the Veilstone Pokémon Centre, it was the middle of the night, and nothing was out of the ordinary. However, this dream was even stranger than the regular one._

_"Was it just another dream?" he asked himself, "It seemed so real, but then again, so do most of my dreams... No; it had to be a dream. Keldeo, Dialga, it couldn't be real; there's no way I could cause all that."_

* * *

_Jack quickly realized that he'd never get any sleep at this rate, so he got up to go for a walk instead, in the hope that the fresh air would clear his head._

* * *

_On a whim, Jack drifted towards the Meteors. The only other time he'd seen them was at night, when they were being stolen. Now, when the rest of the city was still, the meteors glowed with a rippling, ocean-blue light. However, even as he was doing his best to calm down, thoughts of his dream still plagued him._

_"But, what if it wasn't a dream?" Jack asked himself, "If it was a dream, it was certainly realistic; everything that happened was improbable, but not strictly impossible..."_

_Even though Jack usually tried to keep an open mind about what was possible, he found it hard to believe that anything like his dream could have ever happened. However, he'd also learned the hard way to listen to his instincts, and his instincts were telling him that there was something he was missing._

_Then, he got it. He didn't know why he hadn't seen it earlier; maybe fatigue had slowed him down, maybe he was shellshocked by what he had seen, but he saw it now. He had gone to bed in his civilian disguise, but changed to his blue robes in the dream, and he was still wearing his blue robes._

_"It wasn't a dream," Jack felt a chunk of ice in his stomach, as he remembered what Dialga had said, "Oh no."_

_Jack hastily flung out a mental probe in all directions, but he didn't have to look far; running towards the Meteor Fields, was a blue, frog-like Pokémon. Greninja was here._

* * *

Arceus' eye began twitching.

"Let me ask you this..." the Legendary began slowly, voice low and barely restrained. "What continuity does this story belong to!? Is it in the anime, the games, Keldeo the Critic, Conquering the Dark, or in it's own little world!? Can we expect to see Grovyle, Red and Ritchie all suddenly fall out of the sky together?"

"Um, Arcy," Arceus, however, was too busy ranting to her Mew's comment.

"Can we get some clarification? Some indication? A sign of any kind!?" after that, Arceus' voice became increasingly higher, his demands becoming harder to discern. Mew gritted her teeth and started to rub her temples as the Alpha Pokémon's rant continued, and finally her eyes snapped open.

"ARCY!" his head snapped back around at her shout, and Mew recoiled for a moment at the intensity of his glare, but quickly recomposed herself.

"Arcy, what _is _this story about?" the Alpha Pokémon quickly calmed down, glancing downwards slightly.

"I'm assuming it's about a boy and his Lucario as they travel around Sinnoh."

"Exactly," she replied with a nod. "And why are they?"

Arceus deadpanned. "There's no given explanation. Even Jack himself admits that."

"Yep!" Mew confirmed cheerfully, something that set Arceus on edge. "So, if there's no reason for the journey, then what is the real point of the story? What're you expecting from it?"

"I suppose... It would simply be a boy finding his way in the world," the Alpha Pokémon muttered, blinking a few times before turning his gaze back to the New Species Pokémon. "Mew, are you saying that, simply because the story doesn't even care for the reason behind it, I shouldn't care when or where it takes place?"

"Pretty much," the Psychic Type replied half-heartedly. "I mean, we've already established that Jack Storm isn't exactly the most believable character, or that there's really any reason for him to go out on a journey anyways, other than to find out who he is. And that's what this story is about; he simply wants to find out more about who he is and his place in the world. He doesn't really know how he'll do that, so he acts as a trainer in the mean time and goes on all sorts of adventures."

Arceus sighed. "Then... I do suppose this story fulfills its purpose well enough, but even then, if this story is only a recollection of the many misadventures of Jack Storm, I still cannot excuse the laziness and lack of clarity, even if it plays to the story."

"Regardless," the Alpha Pokémon carried on with a shake of the head. "Two chapters pass, Jack and Greninja fight, and it ends with Greninja's death."

It took a few seconds for Arceus to register what he had just said, but his eyes went wide the moment he did. "Okay then... To Jack's credit, the guilt begins to eat him alive, even if it was necessary. But, while wondering over this; Matthew, the Gallade from early who sacrificed himself to let Jack and Co. escape J, manages to stagger into their camp with the Mind Plate, which they had used to save themselves."

"And after a heartfelt reunion, another ten chapters is concluded." Arceus finished with a sigh.

"Are you okay, Arcy?" the Pokémon in question nodded.

"I'm fine, Mew... I just... Need to do some thinking..."

* * *

_**Arceus the Critic**_

* * *

_We'll be right back!_


	21. Rising Storm: Book 1 - Part 4

"And now for the conclusion," Arceus began as he pressed a button, causing a loud blast of trumpets to quickly follow.

"Jack and Nicholas are back on the road, and they stumble upon... A carnival?" the Normal Type hummed. "This might prove to be interesting."

* * *

_They started walking again, and this time Jack made sure that he didn't fall asleep again. As they approached rather __large hill, Jack, and those with similarly superhuman hearing, detected a somewhat strange sound; a fun, bouncing __melody, floating on the breeze. As they walked, the music got louder, until they were right on top of the hill; they looked __down, and saw a large town a ways away. However, the music was coming from a collection of large, brightly coloured __tents, and trailers._

* * *

"Naturally, Jack doesn't know what a carnival is, which is a step in the right direction in regards to consistency, and Solomon decides to fill him in."

* * *

_"It's a large collection of different shows and activities, where people go to be entertained," the Kadabra replied, broadcasting to the rest of the team as well, "there are usually such attractions as a myriad of games, magic shows, performing Pokémon,_

* * *

_Jack: They force Pokémon to perform!? Quickly; we have to liberate them!_

* * *

_and many other things. I've always wanted to see one, but I never got the chance."_

_"Well then," Jack decided, then said aloud, "We've been traveling for quite a while now, and I feel it's safe to say that we could all use a little rest. How's about we see what the carnival has to offer."_

* * *

"And so Jack and Nicholas descend into the carnival after discussing a bit about finances, where they immediately spot an area reserved only for Pokémon."

"Doesn't that sound a bit familiar, Arcy?" Arceus made a motion akin to shrugging.

* * *

_"Alright," Jack telepathed to his team, "I have a plan; there appears to be an area over there specifically reserved for Pokémon, so I suggest that you all go check that out. We'll meet back here at twelve for lunch, and then see what that magic show is all about. Any objections?" _

_No one had any, so Jack gave Solomon a small wad of money, and the team headed of towards the alleged Pokémon only zone. _

_"And make sure to travel in groups of at least two," he commanded as they parted, "Anything could happen to a lone Pokémon in a place this busy. And if anything goes wrong, I'll be in constant telepathic contact with you; just yell for help, and I'll be there in a heartbeat."_

_"Over-protective much?" Lucy thought cynically, specifically allowing Jack to access to her mind, otherwise her Dark-Type attribute would block him out._

* * *

_Lucy: I mean, you're already making me miss Paul! It's not like he cared for our wellbeing or anything... Now let me go be angsty in peace!_

* * *

_The Pokémon-only zone was not too different from the rest of the carnival; there were variety of different booths, stalls, and tents, each advertising a different thing, but they were all managed by Pokémon. The tents were all big enough to  
cope with even the largest of Pokémon, but they were obviously equipped to handle smaller ones as well.  
_

_The two teams decided to split up, like Jack had suggested, into groups of at least two; that way, everyone had someone to watch their backs in case of trouble. So, they split up; Sunspot immediately dragged Cap off to who-knows-where; Lucy, Frostbite, and Hunter prowled off together; Aura and Solomon decided to try and find somewhere quiet to read; Scatterbolt and Jason decided to wander and share war stories;_

* * *

_Scatterbolt: We were holed up in Snowpoint and the enemy was closing in. Reinforcements were a two days march away, and we were low on water and ammo. They swarmed our position, picking us off one by one... The horror... The horror..._

_Jason: Are we still on the same page here?_

* * *

_It didn't take Sunspot long to find the one place in the carnival where he could battle, and he dragged Cap right into it. It was an open-air battlefield, and there was a rather one-sided fight going on; a burly Machoke was beating the living daylights out of a Meditite._

* * *

_Machoke: Take that Pokémon who's half my height and has mittens for hands! I'm clearly undefeatable!_

* * *

_"IS THERE NO ONE WHO CAN DEFEAT OUR CHAMPION?" The Chatot asked the audience._

* * *

_Wigglytuff: Oh! Me! Me! Let me try, friendly friend! YOOM-TAH!_

_Chatot: Anyone besides the Guildmaster?_

* * *

_Sunspot didn't so much as consider the question, "I CAN!"  
_

_It wasn't an easy feat to grin with a beak, but Chatot gave it a good try, "WELL THEN, WE HAVE ANOTHER CHALLENGER! What's your name, son?"  
_

_"Sunspot."  
_

_"SUNSPOT, THE MIGHTY MONFERNO, VS OUR CHAMPION, THE CRUSHER!"_

* * *

"Don't we have a crusher, Arcy?"

"Wrong crusher, Mew," the Legendary clarified. "Well, the Machoke easily bests Sunspot with a cheap trick, which Cap easily manages to figure out, and the Breloom decides he wants a go at him. The battle goes back and forth for a while, neither side really gaining an advantage with Cap not willing to fall for the Machoke's trick, and it swings in Cap's favor until Crusher manages to reverse things with a well timed counterattack. Cap waits up later, apparently discovers that Pokémon have developed betting rings, and the Machoke gives him some of the winnings as a conciliatory gift for doing so well in the match. Afterwards we pan over to Katana."

* * *

_Keeping track of three children was no mean feat, and Katana knew this full well. Fortunately for her, they were all fairly well behaved; the problems came when they were deciding what to do first. Wendy wanted to investigate the rides, but Marsh had his eye on a black tent marked 'House of Horrors'. Strike was fascinated by everything, but he quickly sided with Marsh that the 'House of Horrors' was the more interesting._

* * *

"Uh, Arcy," Mew chimed in. "I think I've seen this somewhere."

"Regardless," the Alpha Pokémon began. "They enter, pay their fee to a less than enthusiastic Chatot, and enter."

* * *

_Then, they heard the sounds; almost unnoticeable at first, so that they couldn't quite tell when it had started, but then it started getting louder. It was the sound of shallow breathing, rasping and dry,_

* * *

_Wendy: Sorry, that's me. I haven't had anything to drink in a while._

* * *

_They soon found themselves in a round room, just as dark as the hallway, and ringed with the same kind of strange mirrors. The images in the mirrors started to twist and change; becoming ghostly phantoms that seemed at times to almost jump out at them. They were as black as shadows, and thin as scare-Murkrows, with glowing red eyes, and jagged claws reaching out as if to grab them._

_"Don't worry," Katana said, trying reassure herself as much as the children, "They're not real, they c-can't hurt us; there's nothing t-to be afraid of."_

_Then, as one, the ghostly images turned their misshapen heads toward them, and screamed like banshees. Instantly losing what was left of their nerve, the group turned to run back the way they came, only to find it blocked by specters in black cloaks._

* * *

_(Black Knight: None shall pass.)_

"Well, Katana seems to figure that out, and, much like Arthur, attempts to lop off a few limbs of these specters."

* * *

_"How perceptive of you," said a creepy telepathic voice._

_A split second later, Katana was thrown backward by a powerful Psychic-type attack. She looked around desperately, but couldn't see what had hit her. She wouldn't admit it, but she had always been scared stiff by psychics and telepaths._

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "And I'm assuming that's the reason you so faithfully and wholly trust Jack?"

* * *

_Then, the lights came on, and Katana could see everything. They were indeed in a large black tent, and the army of shades was really just six Haunter. But there were four things in particular that drew Katana's attention like a magnet; a large machine with red R emblazoned on it, a man and a woman wearing uniforms with the same symbol, and a_

_Meowth standing between them. All three wore metal bands on their heads.  
_

_Katana remembered them from when they had tried to kidnap Cap, Jason, and herself; the memory was a very embarrassing one.  
_

_"Listen, is that a voice I hear?" said Jessie.  
_

_"It's yelling at me loud and clear," replied James.  
_

_"On the wind,"  
_

_"Past the stars,"  
_

_"In your ear."  
_

_"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace,"  
_

_"Dashing all hope, and putting fear in its place."  
_

_"A rose by any other name is just as sweet,"  
_

_"When everything's worse, our work is complete."  
_

_"Jessie,"  
_

_"And it's James,"  
_

_"Meowth, that's a name."  
_

_"Putting the do-gooders in their place,"  
_

_"We're Team Rocket,"  
_

_"In your face," all three of them finished._

* * *

"I'll give the author credit for cleaning up the format. So, Team Rocket reveals that the entire house of horrors is really just an over-glorified racketeering operation, Jack appears out of nowhere to rescue Katana and her wards, because I suppose the 'Pokémon only' zone makes exceptions for humans who believe they're Pokémon, Team Rocket and their cronies are quickly dispatched, and Jack spends a good portion of his remaining day playing with his and Nicholas' Pokémon while said trainer wanders around the carnival, wondering if he's still relevant to the story. Meanwhile, Lucy and some of her new friends run into another cameo character."

* * *

_The strange Pokemon turned to Lucy, "Thanks for saving me from that poacher; the name's Ivy, but Lucy here already knows that."  
_

_Then Lucy realized where she'd seen the small Pokemon before; the Eterna City Gym, while they were staying there, was the home of a Pokemon from Unova. Ivy the Snivy.  
_

_"Oh," the Absol exclaimed, "Of course! I knew I knew you from somewhere, but I couldn't remember where."  
_

_"So, you do know her?" Hunter asked Lucy.  
_

_"Yeah," she replied, "From when we were staying in Eterna City; just after we met Nicholas."  
_

_"And you'll probably be wondering what I'm doing here," Ivy observed.  
_

_"Well, now that you mention it, I thought you were settled at the gym."_

_Ivy smiled ruefully, "I was, until I met Jack; he was nice, and mysterious. His powers caught my attention right away, and Gardenia's too, and I really got to like him. I thought about coming with you when you left, but..."_

* * *

_This time it was Hunter who interrupted her, "Hold on; 'Jack's powers'? What powers? I mean, sure your Jack is a pretty good trainer, and an all-around nice guy, but he's only human; right?"  
_

_Ivy gave Lucy a look that said, 'They don't know about Jack?'  
_

_Lucy sighed, "They do now. I'll give you the ten second version; Jack was abandoned in the woods as a baby, was found by a family of Lucarios, grew up and developed Pokemon-like powers, went on a journey to find adventure, and is getting more than he bargained for. Any questions?"_

* * *

_Hunter: Will you have to kill us now?_

* * *

"Anyways, they talk for a while, we cut over to Solomon who's busy talking to Aura about Kalos and the Fairy Type in which he refers to the former as being an island-" Arceus' eyes narrowed in irritation.

"Because most islands are surrounded by mountain ranges on two sides," the Alpha Pokémon then cleared his throat. "And then Solomon begins to reflect on his feelings towards Aura?"

The Alpha Pokémon shook his head. "At this point, a Kadabra having feelings for a Dragonair is normal. Most of the remaining chapter is simply occupied with that, and so we move onto to the fourth part of the carnival."

* * *

_To say that Jack had fun at the carnival, would be only a half truth; it wasn't that he hated it, it was just that he didn't find much interesting to do. The most fun he'd had all day, had been the water-balloon war with Jason, Scatterbolt, and the children. It had ended far too quickly for his liking.  
_

_After that, he'd wandered around for a while, looking for something else to do. He'd been momentarily distracted by a booth where you threw small sandbags at targets to win prizes, but it was far too easy for him; he walked away from the booth with a cute little Lucario plush toy._

* * *

_Jason: I shall call him... Mini-Me._

* * *

_On a table right at the entrance, were stacked a large selection of recently published newspapers. On the front pages of at least half a dozen of them, was his face; each one had the same, slightly blurred color picture, that fortunately didn't show much detail. Not enough to identify him, but they clearly enough showed his normally electric blue eyes, glowing a blazing golden color.  
_

_Jack hesitantly picked up the latest newspaper, and looked through it; the headline was, 'Mysterious Hero Finally Unhooded!'_

* * *

Arceus nodded. "And within contains the details of his saving two cities, his work at the gyms, his appearance, testimonials from Gym Leader's he's met, known associates, his phone and social security numbers, and favorite sandwich type. After paying for it, he meets up with a pensive Nicholas, who's probably still wondering if he's going to be used in this chapter, and they decide to get lunch."

* * *

_Lunch consisted of sausages and Kalosian-fries for the humans, and Pokémon-food for the rest._

* * *

The Normal Type sighed.

"You know what Kalos is based off of and yet you still called it an island?"

* * *

_After lunch, by which time it was around twelve-twenty, they headed over to the tent where the magic show was to be held; it wasn't hard to locate, being that it was by far the biggest, and the most central. At the entrance, Jack bought enough tickets for everyone; including discounted ones for the Pokémon._

* * *

"Yes, children, the elderly, veterans and Pokémon who should have no way of earning any regular income all get discounts." Mew crossed her arms.

"How would you even charge admission for Pokémon, Arcy? Would they do it by the number of Pokémon a trainer currently has present, or just the Pokémon out with him? Because what would stop someone from just releasing a Pokémon after they pay for their own admission and get into a theater?" The equine Pokémon hummed.

"Perhaps they would require trainers to hand other their Pokéballs?"

"Didn't Team Rocket already do that?"

"Well, they've already been kicked out of this part of the story, so I don't think we have to worry about that. After the opening acts are finished, the professional magician is about to take the stage."

* * *

_With difficulty, Jack pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind; he was here to have fun, and the show was just __starting. The ringmaster announced that their professional magician would perform next, and the crowd gave their __approval. Jack, however, was stock still in his seat; he sensed something powerful, and close. And as the curtain lifted, __Jack saw what it was; the realization hit him like a hammer-blow._

* * *

_(Jerry Seinfeld: Newman!)_

* * *

_"Ladies and Gentlemen," the ringmaster said, "I present to you, the star attraction, Omar the Mage!"  
_

_The professional magician, Omar the Mage, stepped onto the stage, and all eyes were glued to him; Jack's were no exception, but the magician had garnered his complete and total attention for another reason. The man, with jet-black hair and electric-blue eyes, and dressed in an embroidered blue and gold cloak, radiated an aura of power the likes of which Jack had never felt before._

_And yet, as Jack sat completely stunned, he realized that he'd not only felt it before, but he had felt it constantly ever since he'd learned his first move; Omar the Mage's power felt almost exactly like his own, but it felt... Fuller; more mature. It was as if Jack's power was like looking through a window at the outside, and Omar's was like stepping through the door. They had the same kind of power, but Omar's was fully realized._

* * *

"And you're performing parlor tricks why? Whatever the case is, Jack enjoys the show even if he discerns the mage's tricks. Speaking of which; Omar seems to need an assistant."

* * *

_Then, suddenly, Omar announced in the same stage-voice as the ringmaster, "I shall perform one more trick today; my pièce de résistance. However, I will need a volunteer from the audience; someone who hasn't volunteered yet." After looking nonchalantly around at the sea of raised hands, the Mage's eyes settled on one.  
_

_"You; the boy in the back row, next to the Lucario."  
_

_Jack glanced at Jason sitting next to him, then he stared for a second at his raised arm; he swiftly withdrew it, but it was no use. Everyone near him, including his team, and Nicholas and his, were telling him to get going.  
_

_"Come on," Omar called out, a hint of a challenge in his voice, "Don't be shy."_

_"You heard him," Jason said, giving Jack a friendly shove, "Get going; it'll be fun."_

* * *

_Steeling his nerves, Jack got up and walked down to the stage. As he vaulted onto the raised wooden platform, he received a hearty round of applause. Then, he was face to face with the Mage; up close, Jack realized with a shock that they actually looked quite alike. They had the same cat-like slant to their blue eyes, the same thin cheek-bones, and both their ears slanted slightly upwards at the tips. They even both stood on the balls of their feet, as if expecting a fight at any moment. The only difference was the color of their hair._

* * *

"So they're both secretly elves?" The Legendary only sighed at the Psychic Type's comment, while she just carried on. "Huh. That'd explain a lot, actually."

* * *

_From somewhere in the audience, a man shouted jokingly, "Hey, no fair choosing your own son."_

_"I assure you," the Mage said, laughing, "He is certainly not my son; he does look like a magician though, I'll be interested to see what he can do. Well then, would you like to tell the good audience your name?"_

_Jack considered lying, but for some reason he felt like he needed to prove himself to this man; his cover was going to be blown sooner or later anyway, why not here and now._

_"Jack," he said loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Jack Storm!"_

_Instantly, there was a loud rumble from the audience; anyone who didn't know who Jack Storm was, was soon informed._

_Jack set his jaw in defiance to the negative remarks he knew would be spoken,_

* * *

_(Jerry Seinfeld: I am not an animal!)_

* * *

_but was surprised once again when he heard a few people begin to clap; it soon spread, until the entire audience was applauding him with great gusto. As the last of his fears began to finally unravel, he turned back to Omar, who had a knowing smile on his face.  
_

_"Well then," The Mage said, once the applause had died down, "It seems that we have a true master of magic in our midst; it looks like you'll all get your money's worth after all. If we'd known in advance, we would've charged more for admission."  
_

_This elicited a round of laughter from the audience, which was soon silenced by Omar.  
_

_"For my last trick," he continued, "I shall have to ask you to step into this box."_

* * *

"And from there, the final trick and an encore is performed, and Omar asks Jack to come backstage with him, where Jack hopes he can finally get some answers."

* * *

_"You're a lot more powerful than I am," Jack said, "Speaking of which, I always thought I was the only one like me; does this mean there are more?"_

_Omar carefully considered it before answering, "For one thing, I'm not like you at all; not really. I just look like you. And even if I have more experience, and more power at my direct command, my abilities have grown all they're going to; I'll_  
_never get much more powerful than I am now, but you will. When your powers are fully mature, you'll be able to thoroughly outclass me. And as for there being others, I haven't heard of any."_

_Jack's brain filed this information away in the 'think about it later' category; alongside the rest of the magic show. He was about to ask another question, but he heard people coming to clean up the stage._

* * *

_Jack vaguely remembered meeting up with his friends, and pitching camp for the night, well out of earshot of the carnival. He went about these actions pretty much on autopilot, but he managed not to look to robotic; it was only after the campfire was lit, and dinner eaten, that Jack finally finished processing the events of the magic show. At that point, he had completely forgotten about what Nicholas had said earlier, but he soon remembered.  
_

_"Jack, we need to talk," the trainer said.  
_

_Jack snapped out of his contemplation, "What about?"  
_

_Nicholas handed him a sheaf of papers, but it took him a second to realize what they were; when he did figure it out, his __heart sank like a stone. He let out a pained groan as he let the papers drop to the ground.  
_

_It was a copy of the Daily Scribe._

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes.

"Well, apparently Nicholas got offended at Jack for not telling him about his powers, because both the most logical and emotionally-sound action anyone would take on learning their friend is the equivalent of a superhero is to get upset at not being filled in instead of being grateful for his heroics or terrified that he might take their head off if they say the wrong word, and then challenge them to a Pokémon battle to see if they really are that strong. Ever-so-expectedly, Nicholas is defeated after putting up a bit more of a fight than Jack anticipated, and decides to go on his own way to train some more. Oh, and Ivy ends up joining Jack."

"Afterwards, this story takes a turn for the horror when Jack and friends stumble onto an abandoned building."

* * *

_The darkness inside the building was no problem for Jack, Jason, or Lucy; Lucy could see in the dark as well as any Dark-type could, and Jack and Jason could sense their surroundings thanks to their Aura-Vision. Still, the further in they went, the more uneasy the three of them got; it was as if invisible eyes were watching them._

_They walked down a long hallway, broken up by doors that led into other rooms; they went into every room they came to, but most of them were empty except for dusty metal chairs and desks. The chairs obviously had not been used for quite some time and were missing their seats, and the desks were all full of dust. In fact, the whole building was covered in piles of dust._

_Then, Jack realized something that set every nerve in his body on edge; it wasn't dust, the whole building was covered in piles of ashes! The ashes under the metal chair frames, was their missing seats; the ashes on and in the metal desks, was what was left of the papers and documents they once held. Suddenly, the burnt and blackened patches on the hillside made sense; the entire building had been set on fire._

_Standing there, in what must have once been an office, Jack could almost feel the heat of the flames as they swept through the building; he could almost hear the screams of the poor people who must have worked there. He stood in that office, watching the flames curl around the door frame; smoke filling the room. Then, through the smoke, he saw something floating; he saw two eyes like headlights, then everything went black. He screamed._

* * *

"GYAHH!" Mew shouted as she flung herself onto Arceus' face, much to the Legendary's chagrin. "Save me, Arcy!"

"Get off me!" the equine Pokémon grunted through Mew's bear hug as he thrashed about.

* * *

_"Jack!"_

_Jack opened his eyes, and realized that he was on the floor; Jason and Lucy were standing over him with worried expressions, and Jason was shaking him back and forth. He sat up, and immediately put a hand to his head; he had a splitting migraine._

_"Thank goodness you're alright," Lucy said, showing her relief by licking his face._

_"Y-yeah," Jack said, wiping the saliva off his cheek, "I'm okay; I guess._

_"What happened?" Jason demanded, "You screamed, then you just collapsed!"_

_Jack looked at the Lucario, then at the room around them, and he shivered in fear._

_"I... I d-dont know," he said, shaking, "I saw a f-fire; this whole p-place was b-burning."_

_Jason nodded, "That would explain all this dust, and the lack of anything flammable."_

_"We have to get out of here," Jack said, getting to his feet._

_"But Jack," Lucy said, "We found something that wasn't burnt; a paper..."_

_"Leave it!" Jack said sharply, "We have to get away from this place! Something is here."_

_"What?" Jason asked, "You said yourself, there are no living things in this place; if there was, we could sense it."_

_Jack looked him dead in the eye, and said without a hint of a smile, "I don't think it is alive."_

* * *

"And neither will you be if you don't get off my face!" Arceus shouted out, thrashing about until Mew finally flew off his face. The Alpha Pokémon glared at the Psychic type, who smiled sheepishly.

"Heh... Sorry, Arcy. I guess I got carried away..." the Legendary continued staring down at her.

"And?" Mew sighed.

"And I'm sorry too, Glory for Sleep," Arceus nodded and turned back to the computer, while Mew tapped her paws together.

"You... You really wouldn't hurt me, Arcy? Right?" the Normal Type chuckled.

"Of course not. But, hypothetically speaking, I could kill you and revive you for the fun of it." Mew laughed.

"Yeah, that does sound like fu- WHAT!?" Arceus ignored the Pokémon's wide-eyed stare.

"Of course, you wouldn't remember it if I did. Hypothetically speaking." the New Species Pokémon only gained a very shaky smile at the massive Normal Type's nonchalant comment, while he returned to the task at hand.

"So, Jack deduces that it was only a vision previously, and then by reading the paper they found discovers the place was a laboratory."

* * *

_"We need to get out of here," Jack repeated, in a tone that left no room for question, "Now."_

_Lucy and Jason knew better than to argue with Jack when he used that tone lf voice, so they quietly lined up and headed for the exit. They only made it halfway across the room._

_Jack's Aura-vision picked it up just in time, and he pushed Lucy out of the way a split second before a blast the electricity blackened the floor where she'd been standing. Jack turned around just in time for a triple blast of fire, ice, and electricity to hit him square in the chest._

_Jack was flung backwards by the blast, but he performed a quick backflip and landed on his feet; he then immediately had to leap to one side, to avoid another blast of electricity. Keeping low to the ground, he looked quickly around the room; it didn't take him long to spot his assailant. It looked vaguely bird-like in shape, but it looked like no bird Jack had ever seen._

_As it was, Jack couldn't get a clear view of the attacker; it was flying around the enclosed space of the room like a streak of light, firing blasts of electricity at Lucy, Jason, and himself at random intervals. So, instead of trying to see it, he opened his mind and tried to read it._

_He gave up after only a few seconds; whatever this thing was, he couldn't detect any trace of its mind. He wasn't just being block, it was like there was nothing there to sense. Same with Aura-vision; he could see the thing's physical outline, but because it was a black hole in the ambient Aura floating around in the air._

_Whatever this thing was, it had no mind, no Aura, and it used electrical attacks; Jack dodged to the right to avoid another blast, then he took a shot of his own. A cyclone of leaves and grass flew in from the open doorway, and scored a direct hit on the... whatever it was._

_Before it could recover, Jack, Jason, and Lucy raced for the door of the laboratory; they had almost made it, when a wall of fire erupted in front of them, blocking their escape._

_Jack turned, and let out an involuntary gasp as he saw two headlight-like eyes staring back at him through the smoke; there was no doubt, this thing had set the laboratory on fire the first time, and now history was about to repeat itself. But not if Jack had anything to say about it._

* * *

"One would assume something would have to happen first before it can be repeated. Or perhaps Jack's powers are acting up again."

* * *

_Without thinking, Jack grabbed hold of Lucy and Jason, and took a step forward; he didn't know how he did it, but he did. He caught a glimpse of a night sky full of stars, then he and his two passengers were on the hill just outside of the laboratory. Lucy and Jason looked at him in shock, but Jack knew they only had a few moments before that thing came after them._

_"We'll figure it out later," he said, "For now, let's take that thing down."_

_Jack noticed that the rest of his team was nowhere to be seen; he hoped nothing had happened to them, but he supposed that Solomon would've called telepathically him if anything had happened._

_They waited for a full twenty seconds, then a scrambled, computerized voice came from the open doorway of the lab._

_"Downl-l-l-load complet-t-te; t-t-target lock-ck-cked. D-d-d-destroy!"_

* * *

Arceus blinked. "Are they being attacked by Porky Pig?"

* * *

_Even looking at it in broad daylight, Jack had no idea what the thing was; it had a round blue and red body, blue oval shaped wings and tail, and a red head with a blue bill. But neither its wings, tail, or even its head, were actually attached to its body._

_In a flash of inspiration, Jack pulled out his Pokédex; he'd learned how to use it a while ago. He pointed the camera at the thing, and waited for its response. It came almost immediately._

_Match found: Porygon-Z._

_Species: Virtual._

_Description: Its programming was modified to enable work in alien dimensions. It did not work as planned._

_More information._

_Out of curiosity, and hoping to find a weakness, Jack pressed the 'more information' button; he was not disappointed._

_Not only did his Pokédex scan Porygon-Z's type, but also its stats, moves, and even its pre-evolutions. But by far the most important thing Jack learned, was why he couldn't sense Porygon-Z's mind or Aura._

_"It's a machine!" he said incredulously._

_Jack shook his head to clear it; fight now, be astounded later, he told himself. Putting away his Pokédex, he quickly telepathed orders to Lucy and Jason._

_"It's a Normal-type, so Jason, hit it with Aura Sphere; Lucy, look for weak points, like in between its body and head, and hit them with everything you've got. It knows Hyper Beam, Zap Cannon, and something called Tri-Attack; it can also use Lock-On, so watch out."_

_"And what will you be doing, o fearless leader?" Jason telepathed back sarcastically._

_"I'll be the distraction," Jack said with a grin._

_"Oh."_

* * *

"Well," Arceus began, while Mew fanned him with a palm branch. "After a long and drawn out battle, they defeat Porygon-Z, who promptly self destructs, and Jack is saved by a Porygon 2 and the other Porygon who Porygon-Z was inexplicably holding captive after having murdered all the scientists, burned down the laboratory, and patrolled it for an undisclosed amount of time. Afterwards, the Porygon 2 decides to come along with Jack, who promptly names him Thomas. Before they leave, the Porygon decide to give Jack a Macg- portable PC so he can justi- carry all his Pokémon with him, and Thomas displays a dry sense of humor in the process."

The Alpha Pokémon made a motion akin to shrugging. "Well, I have a sense of humor, so I don't see why a Porygon can't have one. Anyways, they later decide to head to Pastoria for Jack's fourth gym badge."

* * *

_Jack did finally go to sleep; but he didn't get much rest. The dreams were worse than usual that night._

* * *

_he was back underwater; that part of the dream was the same. But this time, something was with him; he couldn't see it clearly, but there was something about it that radiated pure evil. It was an ominous, malevolent presence; simply knowing it was there sent shivers down his spine, and tied a tight knot of fear in his stomach._

_Then, as if in answer to his fear, as if it knew he was afraid of it, the 'thing' lunged for him; it latched onto his skin, and stuck there. He couldn't move a muscle to fight it, or even shy away from it; he couldn't even turn his head to look at it. _

_Then, came the pain; a pain like he'd never felt before, and prayed that he'd never feel again. It felt like lightning lancing through every nerve in his body; like his blood had been turned to fire in his veins; like he was being torn apart, cell by cell._

_Then, as quickly as it appeared, the pain stopped; the 'thing' relinquished it's grip, and retreated into the murk; to bide its time until he'd recovered enough for it to torture again. In the numbness that came afterwards, Jack heard a voice; a childlike voice, devoid of hope or comfort._

_"I'm so alone; so afraid."_

_"Where am I? Who am I?"_

_"Help me. Please, help me."_

_"HELP ME!"_

* * *

_Jack had that dream again the next night, and the night after that, and the night after that; each time, it was worse than the last. Jack tried to stay awake, but he was already exhausted from the dreams; staying awake all night was simply not within his power._

* * *

"Oh, _now _you say he can't do something..." Arceus muttered, while Mew pursed her lips but kept fanning.

* * *

_They reached Pastoria late on the fourth day since they left the lab, and Jack decided that they might as well get a room in the Pastoria Pokémon Center. Since his trainer clothes were burned beyond recognition in his battle with Porygon-Z, he had no choice but to enter the city in his robes; anticipating trouble, of some sort or another, his team agreed to wait inside the Pack until they were inside the Center. It might have been easier if they'd stayed out._

_"Mr. Storm, if I could have a minute of your time..."_

_"Mr Storm, would you like to comment on the Lagendary Bird attacks?"_

_"Mr. Storm, could we please get an interview?"_

_"Mr. Storm, are you here to take up the public challenge issued by Pastoria City Gym Leader, Crasher Wake?_

_"Mr. Storm, could you please tell our viewers a little more about yourself?"_

_Jack tried to answer as many of the questions posed to him as possible, but there were simply too many, and he was just too tired to keep up; and more reporters just kept on coming. It seemed like there was a representative from every newspaper, magazine, talk show, and radio station in Sinnoh. This was, of course, not true; some of them hadn't made it to Pastoria yet._

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon snorted, while Mew handed him a cup of tea.

"Well, Jack outmaneuvers the media, he later runs into Crasher Wake and Paul, challenges the former and nearly kills the latter while Lucy forgives him at last, and heads onto what has to be the best battle in the story. After winning his battle with Wake, feels a familiar presence.

* * *

_"Okay," Jack said. "You all know about my 'dreams', right; how there's always that voice, asking me for help? Well, I just heard that same voice, saying the same thing. Something's happening."_

_At that precise moment, a loud explosion echoed across the city; Jack flung out a mental probe, and suddenly, everything clicked into place._

_"This way!" Jack commanded, taking off full-tilt towards the edge of the Great Marsh. "Solomon and Aura are in trouble!"_

_Jack didn't even check to see if the team followed him; he just ran full tilt toward the edge of the Great Marsh. Then he rounded a corner, and saw everything. The three Legendary Birds; Articuno, Moltres, and Zapdos. And on the ground beneath them, were Aura and Solomon; unconscious._

* * *

"Afterwards, another long battle ensues, ending with Jack using the Mind Plate to overpower the Bird Trio, who are revealed to be under the mental control of someone else, and release them from his control. Jack explains everything to the birds, they decide to head back to Kanto-" Arceus' eyes narrowed.

"Because, well equipped with the knowledge that there is an unnamed villain out there with the capability of completely dominating your mind and turning you into a mindless slave, you would happily return to your homes where he presumably found you to begin with," the Pokémon cleared his throat. "While Jack, now aware that someone out there has it in for him, decides to call off his journey and heads back to his home with his new friends. The end."

"So what's my judgement on this story?" Arceus asked rhetorically, causing Mew to lower the palm branch she was fanning him with. "Well, admittedly, I did not hold that high opinion of it to begin with. At first glance, there's no real conflict, no reason for the plot, and Jack's a bit of a Gary Stu, amongst other issues. However, I took a closer examination of the story, and found that my original expectations of it perhaps created an unfair evaluation. Originally, I had expected this to be something of a great adventure, but now, looking through it again, I realize that it is less of an epic and more of a collection of misadventures. In that vein, it could be said to be similar to _Don Quixote_ or _Tom Sawyer_: the story is less about the adventure and more about the character."

"This does end up showing in the story; the conflict is not Jack vs the unnamed villain, Jack vs the Legendary Birds or Jack vs J, but rather Jack vs himself as the adventure continues. For all of Jack's superhero qualities, he still struggles with many things; anger, guilt, insecurity, and loneliness, to name a few. His journey is simply about finding his place in the world, and since there's actually no given reason for it besides his desire to see the world, it can be assumed that _is _it. Now, that doesn't mean this story still doesn't have its fair share of problems." the Alpha Pokémon nodded.

"For starters; while it does have pretty good characterization, Jack, believable or not, is still a likeable guy, and many of his Pokémon such as Lucy, Ivy, Solomon and Thomas are also enjoyable characters, but it also suffers from a lack of priorities."

Mew blinked. "Huh?"

"Yes," the equine Pokémon continued. "For example; take a look at the character tags; OC and Lucario, the latter of which is clearly Jason. However, despite being arguably one of the most important characters in the group dynamic; Jack's adoptive brother and the 'manager' of their team, his development and character pales in comparison to many of the other teammates, and, for all intents and purposes, disappears as noteworthy after Lucy and Jack's conversations. Likewise, the story suffers from multiple continuity issues, even if it can endure them a bit more due to its nature than a normal story could. While most of the major ones have already been addressed, on a more nuanced level they would also include the fickleness of Jack's powers, the fact that non-Sinnoh Pokémon are present in Sinnoh, and the fact that the Pokémon act more like humans than actual Pokémon."

"The biggest issue with this story, though, is not continuity or consistency, but rather Jack himself. Despite arguably being the biggest asset to this almost superhero-like tale, he's also its biggest flaw; there's no reason given for him as a character. Why can he use Pokémon moves? Why can his Pokémon learn more moves than normal? Why can his Pokémon inexplicably evolve? Why does he have those dreams? Why is there someone out to get him? And so on and so forth. The only explanation, allusion or theory ever put forward as to the why is simply; because he's Jack Storm," Arceus looked downwards.

"But that's circular logic; it still doesn't answer why he's Jack Storm. Now, that doesn't mean it _has _to be answered in Book 1, if anything keeping some mystery would draw people to read the Book 2, which will hopefully address this, but the real problem is that no one _tries_ to answer it. Not the author, not the characters themselves, nothing. Nothing is put forwards or theorized as to the why. Jack certainly wants to know, he even has Solomon try to pick his brain to find out about his origins, but the underlying fact remains that it is not _addressed _in Book 1," Arceus chuckled.

"Still, for all its flaws, Rising Storm: Book 1 is an enjoyable story. It has solid character; I can't think of anyone I actually didn't like and there's plenty of development to go around, good grammar, and a decent, if not slightly misleading, plot. The battles, even though they occasional go to eleven, are certainly some of the story's highlights. And, when it does want to anchor itself down to a particular continuity, it does manages to handle that pretty well. Yes; for a first story, warts and all, it's a not half-bad read," the Normal Type let out a heavy sigh.

"So yes; that's my Judgement on Rising Storm: Book 1."

**The End**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Matthais Unidostres_

_Jack Storm 448_

**_Credits:_**

_Rush - Tom Sawyer_

_UHF_

_Dexter's Laboratory_

_Rising Storm: Book 1_

_Godzilla_

_Ace Attorney_

_Batman_

_Ferris Bueller's Day Off_

_Fire Emblem: Awakening_

_Looney Tunes_

_Kirby: Right Back At Ya!_

_Monty Python: Flying Lessons_

_Seinfeld: The Pothole_

_Zorua Reviews_

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

_Kyurem the Critic_

_Seinfeld: The Marine Biologist_

_Seinfeld: The Frogger_

_Finding Nemo_

_Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Star Wars_

_Star Trek_

_Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords_

_Monty Python: The Funniest Joke In The World_

_Zoolander_

_Apocalypse Now_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky_

_Austin Powers_

_Seinfeld: The Pick_

_Nine in the Afternoon by Glory for Sleep _

_This Is Spinal Tap_

"HOLD IT!"

The author, clad in full suit of armor made out of notepads, and holding an oversized pencil and eraser like a spear and a shield, charged through the ridiculously long credits like it was a football banner.

"Arceus!" he shouted, pointing the graphite tip of his makeshift weapon at the Pokémon. "It's time to finish this!"

"Agreed," the Alpha Pokémon replied, having moved across the room to face him. The Author charged forwards, jumping up in the air and pointing his pencil at the Legendary's head, while Arceus charged up a judgement. Time seemed to freeze for a moment as the two combatants drew closer, before it actually did, leaving them both suspended as everything faded into a golden Technicolor still.

* * *

**Insert action-packed fight scene the author was too lazy to write out due to chapter length and the fact he likes to save those for other stories here.**

* * *

"Ugh..." the Author groaned out as he slumped back against a cracked marble column, letting the writing utensil roll out of his hands. Arceus' hadn't fared much better; the Normal Type slumped against the floor, breathing heavy and having a moustache, monocle and eyebrows scribbled onto his face.

"Arceus, let's bury the hatchet," the equine Pokémon nodded in silent agreement, and the author slumped over to the Legendary. "I'll stay in the author notes from now on, and you won't drag me through any more Monty Python sketches. Deal?"

"Yes..." Arceus groaned out, hesitantly lifting one of his hooves so the Author could shake it. After doing so, the Author slinked out of the Hall of Origin, while Mew casually floated in.

"Well, that happened," the Psychic Type remarked before blinking and putting a paw to her chin. "Wait a minute..."

Her eyes went wide. "Didn't you say that you couldn't erase people's memories at the beginning of the season!?"

"Yes," Arceus replied. Somehow, Mew was certain he would be smiling if he was capable of it. "Yes I did."

The implication was not lost on her, and the New Species Pokémon pouted and crossed her arms.

"Well played, Arcy," she muttered bitterly as she floated away. "Well played..."


	22. Assessment 1

"Greetings! Today, I would like to talk about a very divisive character in the Pokémon world."

Arceus gave a nod in Mew's direction, who was standing behind a slide projector, and a picture of Paul appeared on the screen behind the legendary critic. Arceus shook his head.

"Be that as it may, I'm referring to _another_ divisive character."

"Ohh..." Mew replied in understanding, giving a nod. This time a picture of Iris popped up. Arceus sighed.

"No, I mean-" this was followed by a picture of Brock. This time the Alpha Pokémon grunted in anger.

"Just give it here, Mew," Arceus floated off screen, irately muttering.

"Wait; I got it this time, Arcy!" a picture of Drew quickly followed her declaration, before the sounds of slides clattering against the marble floor and a few objects getting knocked over, in addition to Mew's half-complaints, quickly following that. The image of Drew was then replaced by one of Arceus sunbathing on a beach, the top half of his normally white body having been turned slightly pink, wearing sunglasses and hovering a book in front of his face, the lower left corner bearing the caption 'Arcy's Vacation, 2014'.

This was quickly followed by Mew crying out in pain, and that slide being replaced with one of Arceus' eyes flashing, and then another one of Mew crashing into a wall. Arceus then floated back onscreen, flashing a look in the direction of the projector, and a picture of anime Serena appeared.

"Thank you. And yes, today we will be talking about Serena."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why is (Anime) Serena so divisive?**

* * *

"This is fairly straightforward, I feel," Arceus began. "The Anime rendition of Serena seems to be quite controversial amongst many fans. Almost everyone liked Serena/Calem in the games, if only for the fact they were one of the few characters who actually got developed and did something, but her portrayal in the anime seems to be not as enthusiastically received."

The Alpha Pokémon hummed, glancing down at a few papers that were floating beneath him. "In fact, you could say that fans have almost been completely divided into two camps on her; those who can barely stand her most of the time, and those who think she's the best inclusion in the anime since sliced bread. But, rather than analyzing which side is right, today we're simply going to examine _why,_" Arceus nodded, while Mew raised an eyebrow.

"Yes; why is Serena such a polarizing character? Well, why don't we take a look at the arguments of the former camp first?" Arceus titled his head in Mew's direction, and she quickly replaced the slide of Serena with one of a list. Arceus mentally lifted up a small baton and tapped the canvas behind him with it. "In essence, the gist of their complaints regarding Serena is that she's overly romantic, too girly to be little more than a flat character, whinny, a bit spoiled, and is a May/Dawn ripoff. And, many of their complaints are valid, some more than others."

The Alpha Pokémon's face scrunched up slightly in an attempt to frown. "Quite frankly, I think much of the animosity towards her arose simply from XY's pilot; in which she displayed most of those traits within the span of a few minutes by arguing with her mother and simply worrying about her hair when Ash was dangling from Prism Tower. And, while she has progressed a bit as a character throughout XY, these traits do tend to reassert themselves multiple times. Though she wants to go on a journey, she is completely uncomfortable with camping until forced to, and at first her only real reason for joining up with Ash is to return an item she had held of the childhood crush she knew for one week for an unspecified amount of years. Her repeated arguments with her mother did little to redeem her in the eyes of this side of the argument, and combined with the general dislike of Pokémon Showcases, which are seen as little more than lackluster Contests without anything that made them appealing in the first place, has solidified their distaste."

"Now, someone could point out that both Dawn and May had characteristic's that I've listed out. Dawn was probably the most girlish out of all Ash's companions, and May, though nowhere near Dawn's level, did indeed have her girly moments, in addition to a general reluctance to travel and a fear of most Pokémon when starting out," Arceus' gaze narrowed slightly. "The part where they differ from Serena, though, is that neither were particularly insufferable, and they managed to quickly adapt to their new settings. Dawn, ever the optimist-"

_(Dawn: No need to worry!)_

The equine Pokémon shot a glance at Mew, who only offered up a cheeky smile, before clearing his throat. "Rarely ever complained about their conditions, or anything for that matter, nor did she let her interests and few quarrels get in the way of their travels. May was perhaps closer to Serena in more respects; she was incredibly insecure starting out, unsure about herself and Pokémon, or even what she wanted to be, a bit whinny, and on multiple occasions let issues, including her appearance, sidetrack them. The difference is, though, those were not permanent fixtures of her personality, as they appear to be in Serena's. May quickly toughened up under Ash's tutelage -yes; this was back in the days of Pokémon anime when Ash was actually competent enough to mentor others- and though some aspects of her early character remained, the development brought it full circle."

"Now, that's not to say that Serena has had no development over the course of the anime, but the issue remains that, until quite recently, there have been no major shifts in her personality or outlook either, and to many on this side of the argument, it was too little, too late, and too abrupt, if they are even willing to recognize it. Perhaps the issue that drove home many fans irritation with Serena's character most, her romantic side in particular, is that her whole reason for joining Ash was, in a nutshell, because she had a crush on him and wanted to use the fact she had something of his as an opportunity to see him again," Mew looked up.

"Wasn't that the plot of an episode of Seinfeld?" Arceus ignored the comment.

"Misty, May and Dawn all had the fact that Ash destroyed their bikes as reason for traveling with him, while the latter two also viewed him as a mentor. And, at the very least, any romantics feelings they might have harbored for Ash developed _after _travelling with him for an extended period of time, instead of just arising because of a chance encounter as kids," the Alpha Pokémon took a glance downwards.

"So, to sum up this side of the argument; those who dislike Serena primarily dislike how rushed she feels as a character; from her overly-romantic nature, made only worse by the fact Ash has gotten denser in recent seasons, her fast-track reason for joining up with Ash and the underdeveloped backstory behind it, the lack of buildup to her development, and her general impatience as an actual character. And as a result, they have little patience for her," Arceus let out a contemplative hum.

"Now, in a strange twist of irony, one of the biggest issues that has angered some fans over Serena has actually made others like her; and that would be her obvious crush over Ash," the equine Pokémon nodded. "Yes; for a long time, many fans have been hoping that Ash would get together with someone, as strange as that might sound, and given that Serena is the most obvious about her admiration, many fans, old and new alike, have become Amourshippers to the point where it has been the fastest growing pairing since Advanceshipping; either believing it to be either an inevitability or the most plausible pairing, or just going along with it out of desperation. And, regardless of the extent of Ash's density on the matter, there is the underlying fact that the two do get along well together."

"Another reason why this side of the argument likes her, is, ironically, another reason why other doesn't; her reason for joining up with Ash," Arceus looked over at the screen for a second. "Yes, in addition to the fact that it plays back into the prior reason, it's also for the fact that there is a backstory to it to begin with. The Pokémon Anime has never done a spectacular job of linking it's past seasons together, usually saving any throwbacks for the return of the previous region's travelling partner, so the idea that Serena and Ash had already known each other since childhood, never mind it only being for a short-while and Ash, in his typical manner, quickly forgetting afterwards, excited many people because it did indeed add depth and credibility to their dynamic. There's also the matter than many prefer Serena (and Bonnie and Clemont) over Iris and Cilan, as well as pointing out that, compared to them, Serena has a much better motivation for following Ash around."

The legendary tilted his head to the side. "And they would be right in that respect; after all, Iris, for all intents and purposes, had no _real _reason for following Ash other than she felt like it. Pikachu only shocked her, being as she had no bike to fry, Iris tended to look down on him most of the time, and her only goal was to be a Dragon Master; something that not only had no intersecting goals or points with Ash unlike Contests or Showcases, but could have completely done on her own, and probably accomplished faster as well."

"Now, there's also perhaps one of the more basic facts; many new fans have most likely only watched the Unova and Kalos series, and possibly the tail end of Sinnoh or some of the original Kanto series, and simply prefer Serena," Arceus nodded.

"So, to sum up this side of the argument; those who like Serena primarily like her because she was the character that many fans have wanted for a long time, and appeared when they wanted her the most. The perfect storm, one might say. This is even reflected in the fandom, perhaps most prominently in FanaticLAGuy06's series _The Road to be a Pokémon Master_, which, apart from having Ash start out travelling with Serena, is really no different or better than the hundreds of near-identical anime rewrite fics out there, and had experienced a meteoric rise in popularity as a result," the pseudo-deity turned around and nodded to Mew, who powered down the slide projector.

"Yes; there's good reasons for both camps, and both have good points, and while I'm certain I've missed or overlooked a few on both sides, those are the basic, and most important, reasons behind the fan's opinions of Serena."

* * *

Arceus set aside his notes, let out a contemplative hum, and turned. "Another short chapter... Hopefully this won't become a habit..."

Before he could leave, though, Mew floated up to him. "So what is _your_ opinion about her, Arcy?" The Alpha Pokémon only rolled his eyes and continued on his way.

"What does it matter? They're all ten."


	23. Sylveon Loves Cupcakes

Mew chuckled evilly while rubbing her paws together like a mad scientist plotting world domination, quickly withdrawing her head from Arceus' doorframe after making sure he was still asleep.

"This is going to be one of my best..." she muttered, having slung a large, burlap sack emblazoned with the word 'macguffin' over her shoulder and struggled to carry it into his room. A few seconds of tense quiet passed before Arceus' scream shattered it, the sounds of various items breaking following before a very loud buzzing occurred before a sudden blast of light. Mew floated out of the room looking like she had seen a ghost.

"Oh no..." the Psychic Type's eyes went wide and her paws flew to her head.

"GYAH! What have I done!?" Mew started floating back and fourth frantically. "What to do, what to do, what to d-"

She stopped her pacing for a moment and shot upright. "Palkia! He'll know how to get Arcy back!"

Mew disappeared in a burst of light before rematerializing seconds later, clutching Palkia's arm while he was holding a bowl of cereal. The Spatial Pokémon lowered the spoon he was clutching back into the bowl and glared irately at the smaller Legendary.

"Mew? Wh-"

"PleasePalkiayouhavetohelpmeIaccidentallyteleportedArcyaway!" Mew wheezed afterwards while the white Pokémon blinked.

"Say it again. Slowly," he put a threatening emphasis on his addendum and the New Species Pokémon smiled nervously.

"I... might have _accidentally _caused Arcy to vanish and need your help to get him back," Palkia just stared blankly at her, slowly processing the information, while Mew offered a toothy smile. "Please?"

The Spatial Dragon frowned. "Why?"

Mew blinked in disbelief. "Because he's your father and you would want to help?"

"He also happens to have the power to create entire dimensions at will," Palkia replied dismissively. "Dad doesn't need my help, and frankly I just want to see you get your comeuppance."

Mew's eyes narrowed and she leaned in threatening close to the colossal Legendary's face, who was taken aback for a second at the intensity of her glare before remembering their difference in size. "If you don't help me, I'll make the Super Friends Circle a reality."

She jabbed her paddle shaped tail into Palkia's midsection for emphasis, while the Spatial Pokémon only crossed his arms. "You know, that would be more effective a threat against dad."

"That's the point," Palkia sighed and rubbed what the Pyschic Type assumed were his temples.

"Fine, give me a few minutes..." Palkia turned around, his claw gaining a pinkish glow, before he cut a large gap in the time-space fabric a few feet away. Mew looked on disinterestedly, and after a few minutes of sticking his armored claw into the rift and shifting it around, Palkia let out a triumphant 'ha!'. A muffled thud echoed out behind them seconds later, and the two Legendaries turned around to see Rosa sprawled out on the floor.

"I don't remember this being in the script..." the girl muttered dizzily, while Mew spun around violently.

"Arcy, for his sake, Palkia!"

"I'm trying!" he yelled back. "It's not my fault that whatever you did messed up the flow of space so badly..."

He reached back into the vortex, and moments later another thud occurred.

"Yeesh, Hanbei, I told ya to install the trap door, not use... it?" Hideyoshi blinked bewilderedly at his surroundings.

"Hey, are you okay?" Rosa extended a hand to the downed newcomer.

"Yeah... A bit-" the Warlord's words died in his throat when he got a good look at the owner of the hand, and began staring up at her dopily. Rosa blinked self-consciously.

"What's wrong? Is there something on my face?"

"Y-You're pretty..." Palkia went back to fishing in the ripple while Mew rolled her eyes.

"She gets her hair done at a bakery..." another thump and pained cry followed, and Professor Rowan found himself sitting atop a crushed Hideyoshi.

"Where in blazes am I?"

"On top of me..." the Warlord of Ignis wheezed out, the Pokémon Professor quickly getting off before looking over at the two Legendary Pokémon.

"Found him!" Palkia cried out triumphantly, Mew floating in closer.

"Really!? Where is he?"

"You teleported him into the Angry Bug Show," Mew's eyes went wide.

"What!?" the New Species Pokémon put a paw to her chin, a more contemplative look quickly overtaking her. "Arcy's probably going to do a review to kill some time... So I guess we should just see how many people we can randomly pull out of thin air until he's finished?"

Palkia shrugged apathetically. "It's not as if I have anything better to do."

**Arceus (and Genesect) the Critic(s)**

**"Sylveon Loves Cupcakes" by Muffinypowers**

* * *

_Sylveon Loves Cupcakes _

_By: Muffinypowers_

_If your Sylveon asks you for a cupcake, it's probably not the best idea to give it to him. Just sayin'._

* * *

Genesect smiled and gave a friendly wave. "Hey you guys, girls or whatever! Welcome back to the Angry Bug Show, or Arceus the Critic as I may say!"

The camera panned out a bit to reveal Arceus hovering next to the Dual Type, who looked both confused and somewhat irritated. "Yes. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up here, though I'm certain I can pry an answer out of Mew once I find a way back. In the meantime, we'll be reviewing a story."

"Indeed we shall, Arceus!" Genesect chimed in before shaking one of the Alpha Pokémon's hooves. "It is a great pleasure to be reviewing with you! I wonder what Mew did to get you here...?"

Arceus nodded. "Likewise. Regardless of whatever asinine scheme she carried out, though, I'm certain that this story will make it pale in comparison."

"Hmm..." Genesect put one of his claws to what passed as his chin. "Yes... I believe that too." Arceus looked down.

"And, so, we start out in Santalune Forest."

* * *

_"Sylveon! Are you okay?" A young Trainer was kneeling down by a Fairy-type in Santalune Forest,_

* * *

Genesect scratched his head. "Huh... That seemed to start off rather quickly..."

"You wouldn't happen to have a sound system or some equivalent thereof, would you?" The Paleozoic Pokémon looked up.

"Sure; it's over there."

Arceus gave a nod before his eyes flashed. "Thank you."

_(Nigel Tufnell: No one knows who they were... Or what they were doing.)_

* * *

_yelling about how he was an idiot and not to jump out the stupid window and run to the stupid forest and stupid stupid stupid-_

* * *

The purple Pokémon looked confused. "What the? Is this the trainer's monologue of thought or something? If so, that's rather...stupid."

Arceus rolled his eyes, materialized a drum set, and performed a sting. "Yes, well-"

* * *

_Stahp._

* * *

The Normal Type blinked. "Okay?"

Genesect only crossed his arms and glowered. "Ah, the classic mis-spelling of 'stop'. You don't see that spelling often in fan-fiction, due to the fact that NO ONE USES IT!"

* * *

_"I need... cupcakes... Please, Trainer..." the Pokémon responded. "Cup... cakes..."_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes and began mimicking Sylveon's voice. "I.. just... jumped out a window and broke all my bones... Cup... cakes..."

Genesect smiled. "Good impression there, Arceus. I'm just wondering on how Sylveon is able to speak!"

_(Travis Bickle: You talking to me?)_

* * *

_"Of course, Sylveon, anything for you- Wait, how are you talking to me?" Serena said, taking Sylveon in her arms._

* * *

The Angry Bug pointed at the camera. "See? Even Serena questions how Sylveon is speaking!"

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Oh, nevermind that insignificant little detail; Sylveon needs his cupcakes!"

Genesect drooped slightly. "But...I like little details...!"

* * *

_"Shut up... cupcakes."_

* * *

Genesect crossed his arms. "Now, that's just rude!"

Arceus furrowed his non-existent brow confusedly, leaning in slightly. "Is he asking for cupcakes or calling Serena cupcakes?"

The Dual Type scratched his head. "I don't know to be honest..."

* * *

_Serena nodded in response, passing him a pink cupcake. He rolled out of her lap into some vacant grass, which a Panpour- Wait, Pansage- No, Pansear- No, it was Pansage after all- Panstupid- tried to walk into._

* * *

"And so, a random Pansomething bravely tried to walk into this story to give it some common sense," Arceus remarked solemnly. Genesect nodded.

"I wonder what this Panwhatever will do?"

* * *

_Serena began to yell some words at it that would put anyone to shame, and the Panstupid sped away. That's when Calem walked into the forest, having heard her yelling at Pan-whatever-the-crap._

* * *

"Unfortunately Pan-what's-its-name was quickly replaced with Calem, who actually had a reason to have dialogue and a reason for showing up."

"At least Calem has a use in this story, I think..." Genesect muttered.

"Well, let's find out, shall we?"

* * *

_"Are you okay? I heard your yelling, and- you might not want to give that cupcake to it."_

* * *

"Um, why not?" Genesect's look turned from confused to horrified. "What's this Sylveon gonna do?!"

"Go on a sugar high, obviously," Arceus commented reservedly.

* * *

_"Him," Serena reminded her idiot of a neighbor. "And why shouldn't I give him the cupcake?" Sylveon nabbed the treat from his Trainer's hand. Then, a symbol appeared behind him. The Mega Evolution symbol._

* * *

Genesect grinned triumphantly.

"You, sir, are wrong," Arceus only rolled his eyes.

"If not them, it's about to send the readers on one. Like so:"

* * *

_Oh, Muk. They were screwed. His ribbons multiplied until he was covered, and he grew some wings that matched his eyes and fur perfectly. He fluttered into the air, and Serena and Calem watched. The pair's faces both read, "Oh crap."_

* * *

The Normal Type leaned in close. "But wait! There's more!"

* * *

_"Syl! Sylveon!" the Mega called out. The crappiness of this situation would continue to grow, however. After using Psyshock on a tree, which burst into pieces for no good reason, its wings grew larger. The ribbons turned into redness, which took over the blackness that Sylveon's fur had become. His back legs turned into a tail, which grew dark spikes on the end, and his front legs became tough-looking talons. Sylveon grew two curved horns on his head, which made him look like the letter Y._

* * *

Genesect's eyes went wide. "Great googly moogly, Sylveon is turning into Yveltal! This story is way too random!"

"Well, apparently that thought occurs to our heroes as well."

* * *

_"Did Sylveon just Mega Evolve, blow up a tree, then turn into Yveltal?" Serena asked._

_"Yep," was Calem's reply._

* * *

_(Pearl: I don't understand.)_

Genesect sighed. "Honestly, I think my internal screaming has intensified."

The Alpha Pokémon's eyes flashed. "It's about to get worse."

* * *

_"Crap." YvelSylveon, as he shall be referred to from now on, began to use Oblivion Wing on everything around him. "Well, this sucks. Hide!"_

* * *

Arceus sighed.

_(Jerry Seinfeld: To the idiot mobile!)_

The Angry Bug threw his arms up into the air. "For goodness sake! Doesn't anything in this story make sense?!"

* * *

_Serena dragged Calem behind a tree. Yes, to hide from YvelSylveon. It was not very effective, however, because YvelSylveon blew it up. Serena watched from behind the destroyed tree, staring at a Panstupid trio that was hit by the red beam._

* * *

"Oh, look, the Pannothings are back," Genesect muttered.

"Come back, Panshane!" Arceus said mournfully. "Your appearances made more sense than anything else in this story..."

* * *

_"Is that thing a Dark/Flying now, or still a Sylveon? Because I have my Gengar with me." Calem said._

* * *

An anime tick appeared on Genesect's head. "I think it would be a Dark/Flying/Fairy, which is actually FREAKING impossible!"

* * *

_"What, did you replace that girly Clefable with it?"_

_"No." Calem sent out Gengar, which was almost instantly OHKO'd by YvelSylveon's Dark Pulse. "Aw..."_

_"Hey, cheer up, rival!" Serena said happily, ignoring the fact that the world around her was being destroyed. "At least you stopped its rampage for a sec- OH CRAP!"_

* * *

_(Joel Hodgson: They're on a collision course with wackiness!)_

* * *

_The Oblivion Wing hit both Trainers, vaporizing what was left of the tree they had hidden behind._

* * *

Genesect growled angrily. "Wouldn't they be turned to stone, or be dead?! This fic is barking mad! IT'S FRUSTRATES ME!"

Arceus' head lowered slightly. "At this point I've just given up on trying to take this story seriously..."

* * *

_'Serena fainted! Calem also fainted!' The stupid unnecessary voice that always told Trainers what was going on, even though they already knew, would have said._

* * *

"See?"

The Paleozoic Pokémon nodded. "Yeah, I see. I think I might overheat due to the amount of frustrating..."

* * *

_'Stupid awkward-moment-making Sylveon who happened to turn into Yveltal and kill everyone,' Serena thought, right before she fell to the ground, clutching her heart both because it was in pain and for dramatic effect._

* * *

"You know, if this was left for pain, I would be worried, but it's just stupid that it was used for effect! Argh!" Genesect threw his arms up again.

* * *

_"Gah... ech... Bob the potato... nyah," were the brilliant last words that Calem said before he fainted alongside her. Suddenly, YvelSylveon paused. He landed on what was left of a tree, and looked back to his near-dead Trainer._

* * *

Arceus began mimicking Sylveon's voice again. "What's her deal? I just nearly killed her, that's all."

* * *

_ She was on a grassy part of the ground, where some sun was shining, and it all looked rather peaceful. YvelSylveon devolved back into Mega Sylveon, and then back to normal Sylveon. He used the last of his wings to land beside Serena, and nudged her with his nose._

* * *

"When did Sylveon become a Digmon is what I'm wondering," Arceus' eyes narrowed slightly.

"A better question would be when did this story start making sense?"

* * *

_He prepared the move she had just recently taught him from the TM she had gotten from Valerie, and used it on everything around him. Slowly, the forest came to life, like it was revived from Xerneas itself, and Serena woke up with a groan._

_"Nymphia? Er, Sylveon?" she said, blushing at her unnecessary use of his Japanese name._

* * *

"Why on earth would Serena call Sylveon by it's Japanese name despite speaking English and already know the correct name for it?!" Genesect took a deep breath. "You know what, I'm not asking any more!"

"I'm convinced this story has turned into a parody of itself..." The Dual Type nodded in agreement.

"Yes, yes it has..."

* * *

_"Syl!" he jumped onto her stomach, and slid onto her lap as she sat up._

_"Calem, wake up..." she said softly, shaking him. "Wake up, I said..." she hit him lightly. "WAKE YOUR STUPID FACE UP!"_

_"Gah, what? What was that for?"_

* * *

"Laughs," Arceus murmured while Genesect chuckled.

"Yeah, that was TOTALLY funny!"

* * *

_"For being stupid!" she turned up her nose at him, and Sylveon batted her face playfully. She sent out her Crobat, and Sylveon hid behind Calem._

* * *

"Let's hope that Pansomething don't re-appear." Genesect frowned. "Speaking of which, did they disappear?"

"Well, if they didn't, they'll wish they did when the got the chance."

* * *

_ "Fear of Poison types... I knew it." Sylveon stepped out nervously when she recalled Crobat._

* * *

A faint, non-existent, smile came onto Arceus' face. "Random Crobat appearance... Now where have I seen that before?"

Genesect's face brightened. "Ah, you must be referring to Intoxiquer!"

Intoxiquer the Crobat suddenly flew into the room. "NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"

The Bat Pokémon was about to fly out of the room before a sixteen ton weight suddenly appeared from nowhere and landed in its path.

* * *

_"Well, now what?" Serena asked Calem. He took her hand and led her back to Vaniville, despite repeated 'Let go of me!', 'I can do it myself!' and 'There's no convincing you, is there, rival?'. Sylveon ran the other way, having seen something that he knew could wreak havoc on the world, or at least the forest, if he was left alone with it. He was, thanks to Calem's stupidity._

_Sylveon had just located a second cupcake._

_Rinse and repeat._

* * *

"And so, the cycle of Pan-bashing begins anew," the Normal Type said sagely.

"More hate for the Panthings, then? Great! At least the story has ended!" Genesect cheered.

Arceus nodded. "That it has. So, what is your opinion on it?"

"To be honest, this fic gives me a headache. I have no clue what's going and it hardly explains anything! It's like the author just randomly came up with this on the spot to achieve some kind of comedic effect! As far as I'm aware of, this is NOT funny! It's just one random thing after another with no build up at all! The only thing that I did find funny is the Pan-jokes, but it lost the comedic effect very quickly as soon as it came into the story! The thing that Sylveon Mega-evolving then evolving in Yveltal really confused me! IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!"

Arceus remained rather passive during the Angry Bug's outburst. "That it does. For all intents and purposes, this is a crack-fic at its purest form. As a result, it would be detrimental to expect anything else from it. So, to that end, it does indeed fulfill its purpose, and if you look at it from a certain angle, fulfills it well. It's also well written from a grammatical standpoint, save a few intentional misspellings."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded. "Yes, this story might not make any sense whatsoever, promising to send you on a sugar high that could rival Sylveon's, but at least it accomplishes what it sets out to do."

"Yeah...I got to agree, it is well-written. It's certainly a crack fic, so maybe I shouldn't have gone on that rant..." Genesect's contemplative visage returned to normal. "But, one thing is for sure, it did drive me a little mad."

"And us all. Regardless-" Arceus was suddenly cut off before he vanished into thin air. Genesect just stared at the space the Legendary had been hovering over in shock, while the screen slowly faded to black, before being replaced with a memorial photo.

_In loving memory of Pan-whatever-it-was: 2013 - 2015_

* * *

Arceus blinked, stupefied, quickly taking stock of his surroundings, before staring down silently in shock at the small army of assorted people chatting idly in his home.

Palkia glanced over his shoulder nervously and snapped his fingers, causing the twenty something humans to vanish back into thin air and Arceus to turn around. Mew smiled sheepishly, eyes closed in slight fear, Palkia waved awkwardly after hastily mending the rift behind him, and Arceus only sighed and shook his head before floating away.

"I'm getting to old for this..."

* * *

**The End**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_DragonNiro_

**_Credits:_**

_Spinal Tap_

_Taxi Driver_

_Steven Universe_

_Seinfeld: The Sniffing Accountant_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000_


	24. Preview

A Mismagius and a man wearing a green suit and a large mask covering his eyes sat in a side booth to a typical 90's café. The room was almost empty save for a few people drinking coffee, with the masked man having already drunk five cups. A waitress moved about the booths and tables serving customers, the writing on her apron reading 'Justinian's Pompeii Café'.

"…But it's not Halloween anymore," the Mismagius pointed out to the man. "So why are you still wearing that costume?"

Before the masked man could reply, the door to the restaurant opened as a man wearing regal robes and a large crown stepped in. The royal man briefly questioned why he had had a café built right next to his palace before pushing the thought out of his head and walking over to the two characters in the booth.

"Greetings, Grool, Niro," the man said to two, the masked man grinning and saluting while the Mismagius tipped his hat, saying "S'up, Justinian?"

"So, what'd you need us here for?" the masked man, Niro, asked the Leader as he slid into the seat next to Grool the Mismagius. Justinian put on a somber expression as he folded his hands and placed his elbows on the table.

"Well, as you both know, our 'League of Critics', if you will, has created a rather large number of collaborations that have reached reasonable success. It was due to this that I began wondering how we could push the boundaries on these collaborations to create something truly spectacular," Niro sipped his coffee before setting it down on the table, seemingly to look straight at Justinian (hard to tell, given the mask on his face).

"So, what did you have in mind?" Niro asked the Leader, who couldn't help but give a small smile.

"I am suggesting that we do a Three-Way Review," Justinian said, causing the other two author's eyes to widen (presumably, in Niro's case). "Three reviewers will review one story, each one giving their own commentary."

"That's crazy talk," Niro said dismissively, putting down his coffee and frowning at Justinian, who gave a serious nod.

"Indeed. But if we were to pull off such an elaborate scheme, we'd need a plot device so contrived that it just might work. And that's where I need your help," as Justinian finished, the room came to a dead silence, only broken by the Mismagius at his side.

"Are you nuts?!" Grool cried, staring at Justinian incredulously. "Has that lead piping finally caught up with you?! No reviewer's ever managed the Three-Way Review! Nobod-" the Ghost type was interrupted by Justinian slamming his fist on the table.

"Well if neither of you have the guts for this then you can get out now!" he yelled, causing both of them to flinch. "And I will go in alone. But if not, you can get on board and we can get to work."

The Byzantine Leader folded his arms as Niro and Grool glanced at each other before looking back at him.

"Alright," the two said together, holding their hands out. "We're in."

Justinian smiled and shook both of them. "I couldn't do it without you."

* * *

As smooth jazz began playing, the three spent the rest of the day sitting at their booth, discussing some way to make their suicide mission work. After many ideas and even more coffee, the three left the café (putting it all on Justinian's tab) and walked back to the Emperor's palace, still creating the perfect plan. Several hours later Niro groggily stood up from an overstuffed chair, rubbing his tinted visor.

"Okay, that's enough for today," he groaned as Justinian sighed in defeat.

"It's hopeless," he admitted from his seat, crumpling up a paper he was writing on. "There's no way to do it. We'll just have to stick with two-way collaborations."

"Don't worry about it," Grool encouraged, shrugging his tattered arms.

"We'll start fresh again tomorrow," The three authors exchanged farewells and Niro and Grool stepped into the hallway. Just as they were about to leave the room, however, the door to Justinian's living room burst open, the Leader sliding in behind them and holding his hands in the air in victory with a grin.

"I'VE GOT IT!"


	25. Mystery Critic Theater 3000

_In a not too distant fandom,_

_Hall of Origin, A.D,_

_There was a 'Mon named Arceus,_

_Quite different from you and me!_

_He ran the world from behind the scenes,_

_In a vain attempt to keep peace and dreams,_

_In his spare time he read 'fics with grace,_

_But Mew want-ed to prank him so she shot him into spa-ace!_

_"MEEEEWWWW!"_

_"I'll send him cheesy fictions! While I run, on the loose!" (La la la)_

_"He'll have to sit and read 'em all while I think up an excuse!" (La la la)_

_Now keep in mind he can't control when the stories begin or end, (La la la)_

_Because he used his di-vine power,_

_To bring up his critic 'friends'!_

_**Critic Role Call!**_

_Cryogonal-cam! (I'm forced to film it!)_

_Kyurem! (He's a bit of a grump...)_

_Genesect! (This is catchy.)_

_Arrrceus! _

_If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts!_

_(La la la!)_

_Just think to yourself 'it's a parody', and you can really just relax!_

_For Mystery Critic Theater 3000!_

* * *

"Hello, and welcome to the Satellite of Shove," the camera panned out to reveal a less than pleased-looking Arceus, flanked by Kyurem and Genesect, all three standing behind a counter topped with a few flashing buttons. "I'm Arceus, and am being held captive here by my sidekick."

"And since misery loves company," Kyurem growled. "Arceus so kindly 'invited' us to join him."

"Well, I think it's comfy up here," Arceus and Kyurem both looked over at Genesect incredulously.

"We're packed into a shiny metal box and forced to read fics for other people's amusement, and you think this is comfy!?" the robotic Pokémon only shrugged in response, but before any could say anything else, Mew's face popped up on the viewscreen across from them. The New Species Pokémon was in a place that vaguely resembled the lair of some evil scientist, adorned with various flashing buttons and mechanical instruments, while a Crobat dutifully flew about the cave in the background. A guttural growl managed to escape Arceus.

"Mew, when I get down from here, I'm going to-" Mew just waved a stubby paw dismissively at him, looking down at one of the massive computers arrayed before her.

"Yeah, well, until then, let's begin the invention exchange."

"The what?" Kyurem questioned, a confused look on his face.

"Mew said that she wanted a million-dollar idea so she can fulfill her dream of being a door-to-door salesman," Genesect answered, causing Kyurem to stare at him.

"But why are we helping-" Arceus kicked Kyurem under the counter and turned to Genesect.

"If you would, please show Mew our invention," he ordered. Gensect nodded and picked up what looked like a deodorant stick with black casing. Blue letters on the front spelled "Ashxe."

"Our invention is for all of those aspiring trainers out there who just can't seem to get the ladies," Gensect explained, holding up the stick. "With our new brand of deodorant and shampoo, you'll have ladies following you in every region!"

"Indeed," Arceus continued as Genesect applied the stick under his metal appendages. "Simply apply 'Ashxe' deodorant to underarms and you'll soon find that female trainers, from Gym Leaders to greenhorns and random girls from summer camp, can't resist following you on a nationwide trip for Gym Badges."

"Side effects may include broken bikes, weight loss in Pikachu and never being able to win a Pokémon League," Genesect finished before putting the stick back under the counter.

"That was stupid," Kyurem stated with a deadpan expression while Arceus turned back to the viewscreen.

"Any thoughts, Mew," Arceus seethed, glaring at the screen.

"It was okay, but I bet Terry Crews could've sold it better," Mew shrugged before calling over the Crobat, Intoxiquer. "Now it's time for our invention."

"Studies show that two biggest questions trainers ask these days are 'How can my Pokémon use powerful moves without needing to charge them' and 'How can my Pokémon be part of Major League Gaming when they don't look stylish?' Well, my invention answers both of those questions! Introducing... The Mental Fedora!" the Crobat at Mew's side picked up a red fedora with a Mental Herb attached to the brim and put it on the Psychic type's head.

"With the Mental Fedora, all of my two-turn attacks fire in half the time, and I look fabulous doing it! Observe;" Mew turned towards Intoxiquer and fired a Solar Beam at point-blank range, blasting the Crobat off-screen.

"I can't feel my wings..." Intoxiquer moaned as Mew grinned and took off the fedora.

"Now, your experiment today..." the three star bound Critics gasped.

"Today!?" the Psychic Type only smiled innocently.

"Well, who knows? We may have to do this again in the future," Arceus shot her a glare that caused her to reel back for a second, Kyurem muttered something under his breath, and Genesect blinked. Mew then clapped her paws together and smiled happily. "Anyways, your experiment today is a lovely little masterpiece known as 'pokemon attack of mewtwo', starring a knockoff of the namesake, an atypical Sara Sue and her manservant. But first; a short about the importance of making sure you don't walk underneath blunt instruments when you get off your flight, written by an author we all know and hero-worship. Intoxiquer? Send 'em the fics."

The Crobat flew back on-screen and gave the Legendary a salute with one of his pincers before flying offscreen again, and the cramped room the three critics were in was suddenly overcome with a rapidly flashing emergency light and shook violently.

"Epilepsy- er... Story time..." Kyurem muttered unenthusiastically, before the three slowly headed into the theater while the camera panned through a series of increasingly strange doorways.

* * *

_6..._

_5..._

_4..._

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

* * *

The trio of critics walked down the single isle of chairs, Genesect sitting down effortlessly on the end, Arceus using his exhausted powers to merge a handful of seats into one before taking a seat, and Kyurem finally squeezing himself into one with no small amount of difficulty, grunting all the while. The three then looked upwards as the room darkened, leaving only their silhouettes visible, while the summary of the story played across the giant movie theater-sized projector screen looming above them.

* * *

**_Ash vs Team Flare_**

_By: Matthais Unidostres _

_The Leader of Team Flare decides that he can't let Ash Ketchum ruin his plans in the Kalos Region. A Pokemon X and Y speculation FanFic._

* * *

Kyurem rolled his eyes. "Ah yes, using source material you know nothing about always makes for the best of stories."

* * *

_Ash was led down a red carpeted hallway by a man and a woman._

* * *

Arceus raised the pitch of his voice. "If you'll follow us, sir, we'll take you to your spa."

* * *

_They were both dressed in fiery red shirts and had matching red hair._

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon let out an overly-dramatic laugh. "Oh, he's being escorted by clowns!"

"I like clowns!" Genesect chimed in. "Not the Ronald McDonald one though... Imagine a Team Flare grunt dressed as that!"

"It wouldn't be that far of a stretch..." The Ice Dragon muttered.

* * *

_They even had sunglasses of the same color, making it impossible to see their eyes._

* * *

The Angry bug scratched his head. "Maybe they wanted to remain mysterious?"

Kyurem only rolled his eyes. "No, they just wear their sunglasses at night and indoors."

* * *

_"On their torsos, you could see their undershirts sticking out, and on the white shirts was a symbol of a red flame."_

* * *

"Oh great, they're recycled Team Magma designs," Genesect deadpanned.

* * *

_Ash's head hurt._

* * *

"He's as confused as we are," Arceus stated sagely.

* * *

_He had been hit on the head hard the moment he had gotten off the plane he took to the Kalos region._

* * *

"Well, it's obvious to say that Team Flare's behind this."

Arceus shook his head at Genesect's comment. "I think you mean Team Flair."

Kyurem groaned.

* * *

_He had left his Pokémon at Professor Oak's lab again, but Pikachu was missing when he came to._

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon grunted. "He got out of the story while he could."

* * *

_He longed to know if his best buddy was okay. Ash tried to free his hands, but the handcuffs were way too strong._

* * *

"Jailed liked Simon Blackquill, I presume," Genesect stated.

* * *

_Where are you taking me? What have you done with Pikachu? Answer me!" Ash shouted._

* * *

"You have to say please," the Normal Type replied in a sing-song voice.

* * *

_The grunts didn't reply. Ash growled. He'd been demanding answers ever since he woke up in that dark truck._

* * *

"This is playing out like the beginning of the Ruby and Sapphire games!" Arceus let out a chuckle at the Purple Pokémon's exclamation.

* * *

_He shouted at the grunts when they roughly took him out of the truck when it stopped in the dark parking garage._

* * *

"And they led him into the dark building and down the dark hallways into a dark room, intent on turning him to the dark side," Kyurem deadpanned.

"Only after meeting the dark lord of Team Flare," Arceus continued.

* * *

_He could be miles underground for all her knew._

* * *

"They could even be on a boat," Genesect glanced at the Alpha Pokémon after his comment but shrugged and turned back to the screen.

* * *

_They soon reached a pair of double doors with the flame symbol on it. The doors swung open automatically, and the grunts led Ash in. It was an office, filled computer monitors and various other technology, all colored red._

* * *

"Whilst I like the idea of computers, I'll have to question why EVERYTHING'S RED!" the Paleozoic Pokémon cried out.

"The red screen of death, apparently..." the Ice Dragon muttered.

"Well I'm seeing red," Arceus commented with a small chuckle.

* * *

_There was a big desk with a big chair,_

* * *

"Along with a big coffee mug and a big pencil holder and a big stress ball," Kyurem muttered, while the Alpha Pokémon cleared his throat.

"And a big nameplate that read Dr. Vaguely Redundant, Doctor."

* * *

_and sitting in the chair was a middle aged man with a red tinted monocle over his left eye. His hair was red as well and he had big bushy red moustache. he was also wearing a red suit, only his suit had golden shoulder pads and golden threads running through it._

* * *

Arceus' voice shifted into a stereotypical Kalosian accent. "And as you can see, I'm clearly the leader of Team Flare, since I obviously have no idea what I'm supposed to be dressed as."

"Don't worry, it's not the leader," Kyurem said. "It's just a red herring."

"I like the look of that moustache though..." Genesect stated. "Why can I imagine Lysandre with a moustache?"

The other two Legendaries shifted to look at the Paleozoic Pokémon, and he chuckled nervously.

* * *

_Ash was made to sit in a chair in the middle of the room. His handcuffs were removed and his wrists were quickly fastened to the arms of the chair with iron rings._

* * *

Genesect blinked. "Looks like a typical hostage situation, if I do say myself."

* * *

_Once seated, Ash found that he couldn't move his legs either. They were also held still by iron rings._

* * *

Kyurem sighed. "He also found that he couldn't move his fingers, since they were chained with iron rings, or his neck, which was also chained by iron rings..."

Arceus craned his head towards the back. "You know the drill by now."

* * *

_The man motioned for his grunts to leave. Once they left, the man got up and approached Ash._

_ "Ash Ketchum," he said slowly with a thick French accent, "Do you now where you are?"_

* * *

The Angry Bug snorted. "Ah, bonjour, Monsieur Ash! You were expecting to drop in ze French words when I can! Oh non!"

Arceus rolled his eyes. "And please, ignore the fact I have a Frenchy-Frenchman accent when we're in Kalos."

* * *

_"Of course I don't know!" Ash shouted angrily, "You jerks kidnapped me! Where's Pikachu?"_

* * *

"And why are you dressed like a ringmaster!?" Arceus cried out over-dramatically.

* * *

_The man ignored Ash's question and said, "You are in the headquarters of Team Flare. I am the Leader of Team Flare."_

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the upper-left of the projector screen was occupied by the shadow of a Crobat.

Genesect blinked. "Wait, aren't you suppose to be with Mew at the moment?"

Intoxiquer blinked blankly, cried out and quickly flew off-screen. Kyurem scratched what could equate as his chin before shrugging and continuing. "And down the hall you'll find the secretaries for Team Flare, and this is the official Team Flare mug, and you came here in a truck belonging to Team Flare driven by people who work for Team Flare, if their official Team Flare uniforms didn't make that obvious enough."

* * *

_Ash's face showed confusion, "Get in your way? What are you talking about?"_

* * *

Genesect held up one of his claws and began tapping it with the other. "Well, the times where you stopped Team Rocket, I think, Team Magma, Aqua, Galactic and Plasma from taking either over the world, their respected regions or just causes absolutely IS what this beta Lysandre means."

* * *

_The man slapped Ash across the face._

* * *

"Thug Life," Kyurem stated, nodding his head.

* * *

_ "What a stupid thing to say!" the leader shouted, "Do you even know who you are?"_

* * *

"Red?" Arceus said, mimicking Ash's voice.

"Satoshi?" the Angry Bug followed.

"Sarah Natochenny?" Kyurem continued.

* * *

_The Team Flare Leader took a remote out of his pocket and pushed a button on it._

* * *

"DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON! SOMETHING WILL EXPLODE!" Genesect yelled, causing Arceus to lower his head slightly.

"Hopefully the ship..." Kyurem murmured.

* * *

_Immediately, the monitors around the room turned on. Ash's eyes widened as he saw what they were displaying. One monitor showed Ash sending Team Rocket blasting off, another showed Ash riding on Lugia and fighting against Lawrence, another showed Ash and Ritchie using their Pikachus to free Lugia from Team Rocket's control, another showed Ash fighting Team Aqua and Magma as Kyogre and Groudon created chaos around them, another showed Ash battling Team Galactic and freeing the Lake Trio, another showed Ash commanding Pikachu to use a massive Electroball at Giovanni, and a final one showed Ash sending his Pokemon against Team Plasma while N stood back holding the Light Stone._

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon blinked and frowned. "I thought this was supposed to be an X and Y speculation fic, not a Best Wishes one."

* * *

_"Ash the hero," the Leader said, "Ash the Chosen One. Ash the Guardian of the Aura," the man began getting very close to Ash's face._

* * *

"So, beta Lysandre gets all scary," the Bug/steel Pokémon shrugged. "Certainly more frightening than the actual final design of him."

* * *

_"Ash the meddler. Ash the bee in the bonnet! Ash the fly in the ointment!"_

* * *

"Ash the flying monkey! Ash the talking dog! Ash the animal which shouldn't exist in Pokémon!" Kyurem continued.

* * *

_The man backed off and began pacing around the room._

* * *

"I hope he doesn't make a hole in the floor, like Eddy did in Ed, Edd and Eddy," Genesect hummed.

* * *

_"Now do you see?" he asked,_

* * *

"It's all one big conspiracy!" Arceus cried out neurotically. "Han Solo did shoot first!"

"Team Flare is secretly the Illuminati!" Kyurem yelled as Genesect hummed the 'X-Files' theme.

* * *

_"Team Flare is a master at espionage. Our tiny cameras can fly. swim, and crawl anywhere._

* * *

"You could even cut a tin can with it. But you wouldn't want to," Kyurem sang.

"But can it dig? And can it be microwaved?" the Paleozoic Pokémon added in quickly.

"No, but it slices! It dices!" Arceus replied in the same key as Kyurem.

* * *

_And they transmit directly back to me. I've seen all I need to see."_

* * *

"And many things I wish I could unsee," the Alpha Pokémon commented sagaciously in the leader's voice.

* * *

_"The truth is clear._

* * *

"You are a Mary Sue," Kyurem said, also using the leader's voice.

"What is this, Ace Attorney?" Genesect commented irately.

* * *

_You're pretty much the Great Equalizer, the One Free Trainer, the Opener of Ways of this world._

* * *

"The New World Man," Kyurem joined in.

* * *

_Anyone who tries to climb to high in this world gets smacked down by you, Ash Ketchum._

* * *

"Even though you've never won a single league in your life," Arceus deadpanned.

"Apart from the Orange Island arc, but one could argue that's filler," the Angry Bug commented.

* * *

_But I'm not going to let that happen to Team Flare. Oh no. Of all the foolish Team leaders that have been, Giovanni, Archie, Maxie, Cyrus, and Ghetsis,_

* * *

"AND JOHN CENA!" Genesect quickly cried out.

* * *

_I am superior to them, because I am the only one to see the real threat._

* * *

"Newman!" Arceus muttered in Jerry's voice.

* * *

_You, Ash Ketchum. Once you are gone, there will be no force on this Earth that can stop me."_

* * *

"Maybe Ash's friends, the player protagonists from the games, possible the manga people...I don't think beta Lysandre has thought this through properly," Genesect commented hesitantly.

"Ash seems to agree," Arceus commented reservedly.

* * *

_The Team Flare leader then looked at Ash. Ash looked frightened, but then his face changed to anger._

_ "You'll never get away with this! Someone will stop you!" he said._

* * *

"You're right there, Arceus," Genesect nodded.

* * *

_The man chuckled and shook his head. "Ash, you don't understand._

* * *

"We're so repetitive people will get too bored to stop us!" Kyurem commented with no small amount of false joy.

* * *

_Team Flare isn't like those other organizations you've fought._

* * *

"We're incorporated," came Arceus' impersonation.

"Our workers also have dental," Kyurem added.

* * *

_We do not intend to take over the world like Team Rocket, Team Galactic or Team Plasma;_

* * *

Kyurem rolled his eyes and crossed his stubby arms. "Yeah, Cyrus was just in it for world domination. It's not like he was a nihilist who wanted to destroy everything and create a spiritless world in its place or anything."

* * *

_or do anything that could destroy the world like Team Aqua or Team Magma._

* * *

"In their defence, they didn't actually intended to destroy the world, rather make it better for land/aquatic Pokemon. But I get the argument there," the Angry Bug commented.

* * *

_Team Flare is only interested in making money, nothing more._

* * *

"I mean, I'm not Lysander, so clearly I have no genocidal inclinations," the Alpha Pokémon commented.

* * *

_So, in a way, this is the best possible way for you to meet your end._

* * *

"Homicidal, on the other hand..." the Normal Type continued.

* * *

_Your precious world will be safe, Ash Ketchum. All your downfall will produce will be a collection of extremely wealthy individuals. Nothing more._

* * *

"This sounds like a motive for a murder-mystery novel or game!" Genesect commented.

"Or the original Team Rocket," Kyurem mumbled.

* * *

_It actually makes sense when you think about it._

* * *

"Of course the French would end up having the Holy Grail," Kyurem said in an imitation of the leader's voice. The Alpha Pokémon chuckled slightly.

* * *

_You've thwarted everyone that posed a threat to the world's safety, so your life no longer serves any further purpose. . ."_

* * *

"Until the next region is 'discovered'..." Arceus muttered.

* * *

_Ash's face turned pale and white._

* * *

Arceus and Genesect both turned to look at the Boundary Pokémon, who only blinked in response. "What?"

* * *

_It felt as if the bottom of his stomach fell out._

_ "W-w-what?!" he stammered out._

_ The man took a gun out of his pocket and loaded it. He aimed it and said, "Godbye, Ash Ketchum!"_

* * *

Arceus' head started to sway back and forth while a whimsical tune suddenly started to play. "This is a song, about Ash Ket-chum. He's gonna die, from Team Flare."

Kyurem and Genesect joined in. "He tired to kill him with a firearm!"

"Ole!" Arceus finished, all three sharing a muted bout of laughter.

* * *

_"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

* * *

"Heh. An Ace Attorney's meltdown," Kyurem chuckled.

* * *

_The scene was suddenly interrupted when a Shadow Ball smashed through the door._

* * *

"Objection!" the Normal Type shouted.

* * *

_It hit the man square in the chest, knocking him back._

* * *

"The evidence hit him in the chest, like a boss!" the Paleozoic Pokémon said through his laughter.

* * *

_The man caught his breath, growled in anger, and quickly scrambled to a secret exit under his desk._

* * *

"If I hide under here _maybe_ they won't find me..." the Boundary Pokémon muttered in a Kalosian accent.

* * *

_Ash sound found himself surrounded by three familiar faces._

_ "Team Rocket?"_

* * *

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!" Genesect shouted out, causing Arceus to flinch.

* * *

_"Good work, Yamask!" James said as he drew his Pokémon back into its ball._

* * *

"Now kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit..." the Normal Type said monotonously, the other two joining in.

* * *

_Jessie, James, and Meowth quickly worked on the shackles binding Ash to the chair._

_ "Stealing Pokemon is one thing, but murder's another!" James said._

* * *

"Looks like our beloved, and sometimes annoying, antagonists of the Pokemon anime are above murder!" Genesect said with a smile before scratching the top of his head. "Huh...who woulda thought?"

* * *

_Once Ash was freed, Meowth pointed down the hall and said, "You'll find yer Pikachu in a cage in a room down the hall and to yer right. We would've stolen Pikachu but it wouldn't let us get near it._

* * *

Arceus stared at the screen incredulously. "From inside the cage?"

* * *

_He's extra feisty today!"_

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon rolled his pupil-less eyes. "He just found out what he's in."

* * *

_Jesse pointed at the secret exit, "Alright! After him! Team Rocket doesn't need any competition in the Kalos region!"_

* * *

The upbeat music from early started up again, Arceus' head moving back and forth with the tempo. "This is a song, about Team Rocket. They're chasing after, Team Flare's Boss."

The other two critics began mimicking the Alpha Pokémon. "He tried to kill him with a firearm!"

"Ole!"

* * *

_"Ash watched Team Rocket go. He stood in shock for a few seconds,"_

* * *

"Well, I was rather 'shocked' to see Team Rocket rescue Ash," Genesect commented, to which the two other critics gave halfhearted agreements.

* * *

_Ash then turned and quickly ran down the hall to get Pikachu._

* * *

Arceus then mimicked Jesse's voice. "Sorry; we forgot to mention that the base is crawling with grunts that we didn't take out, so don't get captured again-"

* * *

_The End_

* * *

"The end? That ended quickly," Genesect commented as he stood, while the screen faded into black.

"I haven't seen an ending that abrupt since "Commando Cody," Arceus agreed.

"Good. The sooner we're done with this, the better," Kyurem muttered as he stood, only to rip the chair out of the floor. The Boundary Pokémon scowled and tried to reach to pull it off, only for Arceus to roll his eyes and send it flying telepathically, following Genesect as he left the theater.

* * *

After leaving the theater, Arceus returned to the control console, only to quickly realize that his two fellow prisoners were missing in action. The normal type warily looked around behind him, wondering where the two could've possibly gone since there seemed to only be two rooms in the entire satellite. His concerns were soon answered, however, as the two seemed to suddenly walk up beside him, causing the deity to whirl around in surprise at the two Pokemon's sudden entrances. He was only further perplexed by the fact that Kyurem and Genesect were both holding suitcases.

"Thank the Creation Trio this is over," Kyurem sighed, putting his wheeled suitcase on the ground. "That story made me actually like the in-game Team Flare!"

"I know how you feel," Genesect said, nodding his head. "I hate speculation stories so much! But at least it's all over now." Arceus stared at the two before beginning to say something, only to be cut off by the Ice type at his side.

"Hear hear," he said, pointing at Genesect. "This fanfiction made me forget about your idiotic commentary it was so bad!" Genesect nodded, crossing his arms.

"What kind of author would make-" the bug was cut off by Arceus.

"I do hope that you two know," he said, pinching the area above his nonexistent nose. "That this story is only a prelude to the actual review. Not only that, but this story, nor Matthias Unidostres were meant to be seen as terrible by any means." The two legendaries' eyes widened before the two threw their suitcases off-screen.

"Did I say terrible? I meant amazing! Of course it's amazing!" Genesect quickly corrected, nodding his head frantically. Kyurem, on the other hand, folded his arms and groaned.

"You mean I have to work with you two again?! This is just fantastic!" The dragon angrily knocked over his suitcase while Genesect quickly threw his off to the side. The normal type between them simply sighed.

"The vacuum of space is sounding highly appealing right now."

* * *

_6..._

_5..._

_4..._

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

* * *

Kyurem grumbled something as the three reentered the theater, taking their seats once again as the screen above them flickered to life. Or just sitting down on the floor in the Ice Dragon's case.

* * *

_**pokemon attack of mewtwo**_

_By: Adoxographic Anomalist_

_Reposting of a timeless classic by dark-lemur, which was originally deleted. Warning: this is dark fic it has many dark themes and death and vilence do not read unless you want to_

* * *

"Oh great, someone marched straight through hell just to give us this..." Kyurem grumbled.

Arceus ignored the comment. "Well, the summary is already filled with '_vile_nce'."

* * *

_"wake up Sarah" said Sarahs mom. Sarah was pokemon trainer who was thirteen years old with black hair and nice smile and really pretty._

* * *

The three sat in a stunned silence for a few seconds before Genesect slowly spoke. "This is terrible so far."

Kyurem coughed uncomfortably. "Please tell me this isn't going to turn into Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh from God..."

* * *

_"ok mom" said Sara and she rememberd that she was old enough for pokemon journey because pokemon leage changed age that trainers could leave home and Sarah went to see professer Oak._

* * *

Arceus' eyes narrowed. "Well, three sentences in and we already have a load of plot convenience. Great job, story."

* * *

_"Hi Oak" said Sarah_

* * *

"Please, Professor is just fine," the Alpha Pokémon commented cheerfully.

* * *

_and Oak told sarah that he had only one pokemon left._

* * *

Genesect smiled sardonically and rolled his eyes. "How convenient..."

* * *

_"It is evee"_

* * *

"Pokemon Yellow strikes back," the Boundary Pokémon said in his best impersonation of an announcer.

* * *

_said Oak and Sarah said it was her favorite and Oak gave her pokeball and sarah let pokemon out._

* * *

Kyurem sighed and threw his arms into the air. "Yes folks, there's nothing about that sentence that deserves fleshing out."

Arceus hummed. "Not that we're interested, anyway."

* * *

"eevee" said the eevee. "it is so kawaii" said sarah (it is japanese for cute ok!)

* * *

Genesect threw his arms into the air and screamed. "I'M NOT EVEN BOTHERING ON THIS ONE!"

The Angry Bug then tried to leave the theater in a storm, only for Arceus to mentally drag him back to his seat.

* * *

_Sarah walked out of labradory and suddenly mewtwo._

* * *

"Decided to end our torture by sending her into Super Smash Brothers," the Alpha Pokémon said dryly.

"I'll doubt that. I would really want to become a fighter in Smash Bros though..." the Bug/Steel Type muttered bitterly. Arceus sighed.

"Not before I get to use Judgement instead of Gravity."

* * *

_"who are you" asked sarah "i am mewtwo and I hate pokemon trainers and I will explode oaks laboratory so that NO ONE CAN BE TRAINER"_

* * *

"Yeah, killing one old man is going to stop people from becoming trainers," Kyurem said with a roll of the eyes.

* * *

_"NO said sarah_

* * *

Genesect scratched his head. "Sarah said Sarah said?"

* * *

_"why do you want to explode lab"_

* * *

Arceus' eyes narrowed. "Because you were just in it."

* * *

_"because humans are evil" sad mewtwo_

* * *

Genesect growled. "They probably turned evil because of how horrible this writing is! Maybe THIS fic's the reason why Cyrus wanted to change the universe or Lysandre wanted to kill everyone! Because they read this fic!"

The Alpha Pokémon nodded sadly. "It almost makes me regret not delivering my Judgement in M10."

* * *

_"no mewtwo you are evil"_

* * *

"Good line delivery," Kyurem commented apathetically.

* * *

_said sarah and then mewtwo blew up lab anyway_

* * *

"Well, that escalated quickly. No, seriously, there's no details on how it exploded. It just HAPPENED!" the Paleozoic Pokémon yelled.

"It's for the best," Arceus commented sagely, while Kyurem nodded in agreement.

* * *

_"no" said sarah and saw oak was dead and was Gary._

* * *

Genesect started laughing hysterically, pointing at the screen before doubling over. "It is funny because they are dead!"

* * *

_"no why did you do this mewtoo you are evil" said sarah_

* * *

Kyurem scoffed and crossed his arms. "You're just upset that you won't get to date Gary now. Unlike another terrible fanfiction I know of."

* * *

_"Shut up or I EXPLODE YOUR HEAD" said mewtwo_

* * *

"Please!" Arceus cried out in desperation.

"Well, at least they'll be going out with a bang..." the Boundary Pokémon murmured with a small smile.

"Heh..." Genesect stifled any more chuckles. "The puns are better than the story."

* * *

_but sarah not listen and mewtwo shat sichic at her._

* * *

The Angry Bug threw his hands up into the air again. "But I guess no amount of puns there are won't make up for the unnecessary swearing in this!"

"It's more entertaining to just see how many unintentional curses the author can make instead of reading the actual story," Kyurem stated without any amount of warmth.

* * *

_"now she is dead" said mewtwo and flew away_

* * *

The three let out a 'hooray' in unison.

* * *

_but sarah was not dead and blacked out and so was eve._

* * *

"Colonel Klink is more thorough than Mewtwo," Arceus said in his usual deadpan.

* * *

_then sarah woke up and saw that mewtwo was gone and was sad and sad "mewtwo I will take ravange on u for exploding oaks lab" and decided to train eevee to become stranger than mewtwo even though mewtwo was legendry and so her pokemon journey begun_

* * *

Genesect's head jerked violently, sparks flying and smoke beginning to billow out of it. "Wow... Just wow... So many spelling errors, punctuation errors and an whole mess of things in just one sentence..."

* * *

_to become stranger than mewtwo_

* * *

"Just be yourself," Kyurem's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

* * *

_Sarah was tired and angry and sad_

* * *

"So are we," Arceus commented.

* * *

_and train hard to defeat mewtwo._

* * *

"Well, good luck with that," the purple Pokémon said disinterestedly.

* * *

_Eve was get ing stronger b/c she was fighting wild pokemon and doing good._

* * *

"And that's bad," Arceus commented sagaciously.

* * *

_Then a trainer_

* * *

"I never thought I would be grateful for a lack of description," Kyurem grumbled.

* * *

_"Hey do you want to battle?" "sure the other trainer was hot and look like 13 year old Zac Efron._

* * *

"I think the author might be an High School Musical fan. And when I mean High School Musical fan, I mean Zac Efron fangirl," Genesect slammed his claw into his armrest. "Can this fic get any worse!? We all know Zac Efron's a bad actor!"

The Boundary Pokémon sighed. "At least this means she won't end up with any of the actual characters... Though I can't seem to find the appeal of a Zac Efron going through awkward puberty."

* * *

_Other trainer said "go ralts"_

* * *

"R, A, L, T, S! Go Ralts!" Arceus cried out in a high-pitched voice, while the other two critics groaned and facepalmed.

* * *

_and then there was ralts._

* * *

"And two," Kyurem quickly added in.

* * *

_"what pokeman is that"asked sara_

* * *

"HE JUST SAID IT WAS RALTS!" the Paleozoic Pokémon shouted.

* * *

_"ralts" said the other trainer that was fighting sarah._

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "As opposed to the other trainer that was having tea with Sarah?"

* * *

_And ralts saw that sarah was nice person b/c it read her emo tions like nice book but still wanted to fight her_

* * *

"Mary Sue checklist; good with animals? Check," Kyurem muttered.

* * *

_"ralts confusion" said boy trainer_

* * *

"I already miss Mewtwo," Arceus bemoaned.

* * *

_"eevee dodge and tackle" said sarah and eevee dodged confusion and used tackle._

* * *

"I don't know what to say about this part," Genesect sighed. "It doesn't even deserve an Intoxiquer joke..."

* * *

_Sarah told eevee to use tackle and eevee did and eevee got critical hit._

* * *

"Overpowered cute Pokémon? Check."

Arceus turned to Kyurem. "Is that really necessary?"

The Dual Type glowered. "I have to keep my sanity somehow."

* * *

_"ralts return" said other trainer "your good"_

* * *

All three critics exchanged glances and shrugged.

* * *

_"so are ou" said sarah. "I am jake"sad trainer "I am sarah" said sarah._

* * *

"Do you even English, brah?" the Alpha Pokémon snorted at Genesect's comment.

* * *

_"Oh I had forgotten mewtwo explod oaks lab" she said._

* * *

"Dinner's in the oven, don't forget to record Seinfeld when it comes on. Oh, and Professor Oak's lab blew up. Bye, honey!" Arceus commented in an insufferably high-pitched voice.

* * *

_"OAKS LAB NO"_

* * *

"It's only crime was being in this story..." Kyurem said through forced tears.

* * *

_reply jake "Why you not tell me this?"_

* * *

"Because NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU, JAKE!" Genesect shouted, throwing out his hands for emphasis.

"Or your khakis," Kyurem added sarcastically.

* * *

_"I am train to defeat mewtwo!"_

* * *

"And you're on a collision course with wackiness," the Boundary Pokémon grumbled, crossing his arms.

* * *

_yelled sarah_

* * *

"WHY ARE WE YELLING!?" Arceus shouted.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Genesect replied just as loudly.

* * *

_"mewtwo is legendry you cant' fight him own ur own. You will need help let me join you"_

* * *

"No! NO!" the Paleozoic Pokémon shouted, shooting out of his seat.

"Please don't," Kyurem commented much more quietly.

"Think of it this way," Arceus began. "Mewtwo can kill two annoying birds for no reason with one stone."

That seemed to satisfy the other two, and Genesect sat back down.

* * *

_"okay" said sarah "We should catch pokemon" said lake and they saw some pokemon and they caught them._

* * *

Kyurem crossed his arms. "I would still hate this even if it did have description."

* * *

_Suddenly mewtwo teleported there._

* * *

Arceus let out a sigh of relief. "Mewtwo's back! Thank goodness..."

* * *

_"You again?" said mewtwo. "I thought I killed you along with res of lab."_

* * *

"We wished that happened..." Genesect muttered.

* * *

_Sarah and Jake were scarred_

* * *

"So are we," Kyurem's eyes narrowed. "For life."

* * *

_because their pokemon were weekend and mewtwo was stong and smart and tough._

* * *

"And cool and fast and... Well, I got nothing," Genesect conceded.

"On the other hand," Kyurem pointed out. "Jake and Sarah's Pokémon are apparently an embodiment of the weekend. So at least they have that going for them."

* * *

_Mew2 raised hand but then another mewtwo apeared. "what" said Sarah. "what" said Jake. "what" said the first mewtwo._

* * *

"What?" Arceus joined in.

"What?" Kyurem followed.

"What?" Genesect replied with a scratch of the head.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"No, I was asking what in return to what."

"What I think you mean is-" Arceus sighed.

"That's enough..."

* * *

_The new mewtwo look at other mewtwo and said "you have have killed humens and ruin my good name you will pay_

* * *

Kyurem rolled his yellow eyes. "With a 4% interest rate."

* * *

… … … … …

* * *

Arceus blinked blankly, turned to Genesect, who only shrugged, and then looked over to Kyurem, who just scratched his head.

* * *

… … … … … …

* * *

"Well, I'm going to take a nap," Genesect commented.

* * *

… … … … …

* * *

"Anyone want to go watch paint dry?" Arceus asked with a yawn.

* * *

… … … … … … …

* * *

"I think there's a Lord of the Rings movie playing in the next spaceship over. I'm going to go watch that and hopefully this will be halfway over when it's finished," Kyurem commented.

* * *

… … … … … …

* * *

"Yes; it's _Manos: The Hands of Fate_," the Alpha Pokémon commented cheerfully with a roll of the eyes.

* * *

… … … … …

* * *

Genesect started to snore.

* * *

_CLONE!"_

* * *

All three critics cried out in shock, Genesect jumping in his seat and blinking at the screen. "Uh... Where were we?"

Kyurem blinked. "I... forget."

"What was this about, again?" the Normal Type wondered.

"I think it had something to do with explosions," Kyurem replied.

* * *

_Mewtwo and Mewthree_

* * *

"Mewthree. How original!" Genesect commented sarcastically.

* * *

_faxed each other._

* * *

Arceus made a few beeping noises. "This story is awful."

* * *

_Mewtwo shoot shadow balls at mewthree and mewthree dogded balls and laffed "you are infearier clone mewtwo now I kill you for trying to stop me from wiping out human race ha ha"_

* * *

"Geez, even the BITTERCOLD is a better villain than Mewthree!" Genesect slammed his claws into the armrest. "AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!"

Arceus sighed. "And yet, he's still the best thing to happen to this story."

* * *

_"who are you" asked mewtwo_

* * *

"Really?! Even though the narration JUST said?" the purple Pokémon asked tiredly.

* * *

_"I am mewthree and humans made me from your genetics but I hat humans"_

* * *

Kyurem snorted. "He's going through his rebellious phase."

* * *

_"No!" shouted mewtwo "how dare they use my genetic its MY GENETIC NOT YORS"_

_Suddenly a clon army came out from behind mewthree_

_"it is the attack of the clones"_

* * *

Arceus laughed delusionally. "Ah, that explains everything; George Lucas wrote this!"

"And probably directed it, too," Kyurem chimed in.

* * *

_said Sarah and mewto teleportled themt o lab. "where is this?" asked jake_

* * *

"Hell," Genesect said bluntly, arms crossed.

* * *

_I once tried to kill humans too" said mewto_

* * *

"Please tell me he's a recidivist," Kyurem muttered.

* * *

_"but now I use my science for good_

* * *

"NOPE, CHUCK TESTA!" the Paleozoic Pokémon yelled.

* * *

_I cannot fight clone army alone you must help me"_

_Mewtwo used genetics on there pokemon and they evolved and becum stronger than normal pokemon_

* * *

Kyurem blinked. "That's it? Just... Genetics?"

Arceus nodded. "Genetics. It gives you health."

* * *

_except for Sarah's eevee which could evolve into any evolushon_

* * *

All three Pokémon groaned in agony.

"And now we have a full-blown Sara Sue..." Kyurem muttered through his claws. Arceus only nodded while Genesect stood up and turned towards the exit. Both Kyurem and Arceus craned their neck to follow him.

"Genesect, where are you going?" Genesect didn't respond to Kyurem's half-question, half-demand, and simply carried on.

"Genesect!?" Arceus' eyes narrowed when he was met with the same silence as Kyurem. "Come back!"

The force in the Alpha Pokémon's voice caused the Dual Type to stop and peek his head through the doorframe of the theater. "NO! I'M FREAKING DONE! I'M FREAKING DONE!"

"Oh no you're not, Bug! If I have to sit through this then so do you!" Kyurem growled out, standing up and marching over to Genesect.

"THIS IS UTTER RUBBISH!" the Angry Bug shouted out, Arceus letting out a quiet sigh as Kyurem began dragging Genesect back into the theater.

"Well, he's not wrong there..."

* * *

_when ever she wanted then turn back the eevee was also pink and blue in stead of brown and whit._

* * *

Kyurem's eyes narrowed, and he released his grip on Genesect's bony arm as he let out a growl. "Well, that totally establishes it! This fic is utter garbage!"

Smoke began billowing out of the purple Pokémon's head. "WHAT IS THIS?!"

Genesect then unfolded his back canon and aimed it at the projector overhead. The Alpha Pokémon, still seated, blanched. "I think you need to calm down a little, Genesect..."

The Angry Bug paid no heed to his quiet comment. "WHAT IS THIS?! I DON'T EVEN!"

Kyurem, who had sat back down, began laughing at Genesect's performance. "This is more entertaining than the story."

Arceus just sighed again as Genesect threw his arms into the air and began pacing back and forth. "WHAT IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!"

The Paleozoic Pokémon then turned around and marched back to the exit. "I CAN'T DO IT, GUYS! I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANY MORE!"

Kyurem rolled his eyes. "Say what you want bug, but if me and Arceus have to sit through this sadistic torture, then you're staying. Not that you can leave, anyways."

"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! LOOK AT WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE, KYUREM!"

"AND THE SOONER YOU SIT BACK DOWN THE SOONER IT WILL BE OVER!" Arceus flinched as the shouting continued on both sides of him.

"Would you two stop shouting, please?" neither heard the Alpha Pokémon.

"WE GOT TO DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!" Genesect shouted.

"GENESECT!" Kyurem didn't notice Arceus' eye twitch.

"WE GOT TO DRAW A FREAKING LINE IN THE SAND, MAN!"

"Can you two _please _stop shouting?" Arceus' request was drowned out by Genesect's increasingly pitchy voice.

"WE GOT TO MAKE A STATEMENT! YOU'RE GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'WHAT AM I WILLING TO PUT UP WITH TODAY?'" the Paleozoic Pokémon then pointed at the frozen screen. "NOT FREAKING THIS!"

"SILENCE!" Arceus' roar shook the theater and caused both critics to immediately stop and pale. The Alpha Pokémon rose from his seat and turned toward the exit. "I think it would be best if we took a short break to cool our heads."

The two other Pokémon gave muted agreements to his thinly-veiled command, and followed him out of the theater.

* * *

The three critics came out of the theater, with Arceus heading to the main console, Kyurem heading off to one side and Genesect heading to what looked like an ice-machine. As the two other critics did... something, Arceus started pushing various buttons to try to get the screen to come on and see if Mew was still in her evil scientist-esque lair.

"I'm... sorry, you guys..." Genesect commented quietly, putting an ice-pack on his head, gaze downcast. Arceus turned around in curiosity while Kyurem glanced over, absentmindedly fiddling with some machinery. "I'm usually good at keeping my patience even with bad stories, but my reaction to that was just... too far..."

"Eh..." Kyurem went, looking to one side. "We all lose our cool sometimes, no pun intended. I have and Arceus has too."

Arceus nodded, turning his attention back to the screen. "Yes; we've all had our share of bad fan-fictions, creepypastas for Kyurem, but the point stands that us critics have to review horrible things from time to time. This story is no exception."

Genesect nodded, a claw going to his chin in contemplation. "Well, we can all agree that this story is terrible, right?"

"Of course!" Kyurem barked immediately. Arceus nodded. "That's indeed a fair assessment."

"Well I glad you liked it so far, Arcy!" a flighty voice called over from the view screen, causing the three critics to scowl as Mew appeared on the screen.

"It's certainly a doozy!" she remarked with an innocent grin before leaning in. "How's the experiment?"

"It's going terrible so far!" Kyurem stated, going up to the console. "I think Genesect almost had an aneurysm over it!"

Genesect walked over and shook his head, struggling to keep the ice bag on it from falling off. "I'm part robot. All I get is the blue screen of death!"

"We had to take a break after Kyurem and Genesect had a shouting match at each other," Arceus commented seriously, closing his eyes whilst Mew nodded.

"Sounds about right..." Mew remarked once again, blue orbs tilted upwards. She then noticed the ice bag on top of Genesect's head, and grinned mischievously. "Hey, Geney!"

"Don't call me that," The Angry Bug warned with an annoyed look plastered across his face. Mew just kept grinning.

"I see that you got an ice bag. Did ya get it from the ice machine?" Genesect nodded and frowned.

"Yeah, why?" he asked, his voice a strange mixture of curiosity and hesitation. Mew did a backflip and held out her arms with a huge grin on her face.

"It's filled with Nevermeltice! The kind that will freeze you solid!"

Genesect blinked. "Oh ba-"

And then, suddenly, with a bright flash, Genesect's entire head was encased in ice a giant ice cube. Arceus and Kyurem looked at Genesect's predicament for a second before the Ice/Dragonr broke out in laughter, falling back while cackling while Arceus merely chuckled.

"I guess Genesect needs to 'chill' out!" Mew laughed out, causing a muffled groan of frustration from the ice-encased Dual Type.

"Now, now, Mew…" Arceus commented, stifling a chuckle. "That wasn't very... ice!"

Through the icy block, the expression on Genesect's face morphed into one of 'Really? You made that pun?!'. Kyurem got back up, with a devious grin on his face. "Wait, wait! I got one! Genesect needed to chill out!"

The collective silence by the other two critics and Mew made Kyurem realize that the pun he made was terrible.

"Mphm! Mmm mphm mphm!" Genesect stated through the ice, with Arceus nodding in agreement. "Yes, I have to agree. Kyurem, that was a terrible pun, even by my standards."

"It almost made me want to blow up the Hall of Origin again!" Mew exclaimed, stubby arms going up into the air while Arceus glared at her. Kyurem frowned.

"Well, that's rather cold of you..."

Though a clear muffled groan could be heard from Genesect, Arceus only rolled his eyes lightly. "Just help Genesect out of his icy situation."

After Genesect muttered what sounded like a curse (it was really hard to tell due to the ice muffling his every word), Kyurem nodded and whacked the ice rather quickly and efficiently, cracking it right down the middle.

The ice then fell off Genesect's head, splitting into two, leaving two chunks of ice on the floor with a perfect mold of the Bug's head on the inside. The Paleozoic Pokémon then looked down at the ice, then back up at the other two critics, and then other at Mew.

"You know, all those jokes about the ice weren't very... punny!" Genesect joked with a wide smile, causing Arceus to snort, Mew to giggle and Kyurem to groan and slap his forehead. Arceus shook his head and then turned around to the monitor.

"I guess there's no chance you'll let us out before the story ends?" Arceus questioned with mock-humility, eyes narrowing while wearing a non-existent frown. Mew shook her head with a grin.

"No way, Arcy! This whole place won't let you three go until you finish that story!" Mew declared excitedly, doing a backflip. "It was fun to get Intoxiquer on this! He's such a funny Crobat!"

"What about the other Cryogonal?" Kyurem asked, scowling with an annoyed look on his face. Mew shook her head sadly.

"I could only get Cryogonal the Critic to work with us," Mew replied, thinking whilst floating. "They said they had plans... Something about throwing a party at Full Court. Eh, one's good enough anyways."

"WHAT?!" Kyurem shouted in anger, slamming his fist into the counter, causing Genesect to fall back to fright and Arceus to jump. "That's it! Let's get this story over and done with! I've got a party to stop!"

With that, Kyurem stomped off to the theater, with Genesect getting back up and looking somewhat confused. Arceus sighed and with that, the two followed Kyurem.

* * *

_6..._

_5..._

_4..._

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

* * *

The three walked back into the theater silently and reassumed their seats, the fic above them playing once more.

* * *

_"Now you are ready to fight mewthree"_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Yes; bad color palettes will overcome Mewnegativetwo."

* * *

_and then jake turned on television and saw that clone army was already killing humans_

* * *

Genesect pumped a fist into the air. "Everyone's dying like in the actual Star Wars! YAY!"

"You see, it's like poetry," Kyurem said quietly. "Everything has to rhyme."

* * *

_and jake was mad "we have to stop the clones"_

* * *

"You know; this story says what it's going to do, and boldly does it," Arceus remarked neutrally.

* * *

_aid jake and mewtwo teleported them to the city_

* * *

Genesect scratched his head. "What city?!"

"The one where the lights go down, and the sun shines on the bay," Arceus replied.

* * *

_where the clone pokemon were attacking but mewthree wasn't there and it made them mad._

* * *

"Get glad!" Kyruem's eyes narrowed. "Actually, I don't care either way. This story would still be boring."

* * *

_"I will find mewthree" said mewtwo and mewtwo teleported and left them to fight clones all on own but the trainers were ready "let's go"._

* * *

"To hell?" Genesect asked innocently. "Please! Because, certainly, this story deserves to go there!"

* * *

_And hoped they were god enough to stop clones._

* * *

"Oh no, they really are going to turn into Mishonh from God!" Arceus cried out in terror. All three critics started panicking.

* * *

_Sarah and Jake find themselves in Safron cityand saw clones everywere. "Their everywere" said Jake._

* * *

"I swear this story gets even worse the more we read it! ARGH!" Genesect buried his face in his claws.

* * *

_"Dont worry!" said Sarah and then Eevee turned into an umbrion but it was still pink._

* * *

"Over glorified Ditto to the rescue!" the Boundary Pokémon cried out in mock-heroism.

* * *

_mewthree odered the clones to attack, and they started to blow buildings._

* * *

"Wait a second, didn't the chapter before hand say that Mewthree isn't here?" Genesect wondered.

"Are you really going to complain about Mewthirtythree appearing?" Kyurem muttered. The other critic sighed.

"Yes, Kyurem, I am going to complain about Mewsixtytrees appearing!"

* * *

_"No there were people in there!" said Jake._

* * *

"Don't worry Jake! They'll be dead soon!" the Paleozoic Pokémon commented happily.

"They had no meaningful impact on the plot or the non-existent moral, but they might exist in some corner of his imagination nonetheless," Arceus commented apathetically.

* * *

_"Gallad go!" then Gallaid came out._

* * *

"Get Gallaid brand Band-Aids for all your clone Pokémon injury needs," the Normal Type commented in an announcer-like voice.

* * *

_It was blue and white and shiny._

* * *

"Guess that Jake is a Gary-Stu as well," Genesect muttered.

"We all saw it coming at 'Zac Efron'," Kyurem replied in turn.

* * *

_"Syco cut" ordered Jake and then the gallaid used Syco cut which hurt a weezing clone._

* * *

"Gallaid; for when regular lemonade isn't strong enough," Arceus continued in his impersonation.

* * *

_Then a chairzard started to breath fire at them but Eevee turned to vaporion to stop it then it used hydro pimp._

* * *

"Someone get that Vaporeon a pink fedora and cane," Kyurem chuckled. The Angry Bug was too busy scratching his head to reply.

"A 'chairzard'? Why can I imagine a flying chair that can breath fire? But, never mind that, more Mary Sue-ness!"

* * *

_Then more clones came and Eevee changed form to stop them but there were too many of them. "There are too many of them" sad Jake._

* * *

All three critics let out a cheer.

* * *

_And then they sent out a bunch of other pokemon and they started to do well against clones but there were still too many._

* * *

"Of course there are too many! It's an army after all!" Genesect cried out.

"Don't complain," Kyurem hissed.

* * *

_Then Saraj looked up in the sky and saw somone with purple hair riding on garchomp it was Paul. "LEAVE HER ALONE YOU DAMN CLONS"_

* * *

"Rescued by popular anime character? Check," the Boundary Pokémon muttered.

* * *

_said Paul and he sent out a bunch of pokemon and beat up the rest of the clones._

* * *

"And we didn't see what those Pokemon actually were since they were a bunch, but that doesn't matter for the story!" Genesect nearly screamed.

"Does anything at this point?" Arceus wondered.

* * *

_"Thank you Paul" said Sarah "No prolbem" said Paul. "Jus here to help"._

* * *

"Sadly," the Alpha's comment echoed all three's sentiments.

* * *

_Jake was jealus because Paul was look amazing but Sara dint notice._

* * *

The Paleozoic Pokémon blinked. "Paul isn't amazing. I don't even know why Ikarishipping exists either! HE'S A JERK!"

* * *

_Suddenly Mewthree in the sky._

* * *

"With the 5 o'clock news," Arceus chimed in.

* * *

_"Attenton every one I have just beat Mewtwo and now I will destoy all humans no one can stop me"_

* * *

Genesect jumped up. "DON'T WORRY! WE GOT ANOTHER ONE FROM MY MOVIE!"

* * *

_"I can" said Sarah and Mewthree laughed._

* * *

"At least Mewtwotwo is having a good time..." Kyurem grumbled.

* * *

_"How will you beat me when I am up here and you are down there? I will kill you from sky and you not reach me!"_

* * *

All three critics took a slow, collective blink, Arceus being the first one to react. "Did this story just make sense?"

Genesect's head jerked to the side. "What?! Impossible!"

Kyurem crossed his arms and grunted. "It refuse to believe it was on purpose."

* * *

_"He's right"_

* * *

"So it _was_ a fluke," the Boundary Pokémon clarified.

* * *

_said Jake but then umbrion grew big yellow wingsand flew up to Mewthree._

* * *

"Deus Ex Machinas! Deus Ex Machinas everywhere!" Genesect stuttered out.

"Is it a Dues Ex Machina if everything else is?" Arceus mused.

* * *

_"What" said Mewthree "How did you do that"._

* * *

Kyurem sighed heavily. "Does it really matter at this point?"

* * *

_"It was special modify" said Umbrion_

* * *

"So the Umbreon can speak because...genetics?!" Genesect's arms dropped in defeat. "I wonder what's going through Mewthreehundred's mind?"

"I'm going to kill my agent," Arceus replied in the Psychic Type's voice.

* * *

_"You talk too"_

* * *

"Sadly," all three said in unison.

* * *

_said Mewthree and then umbrion used faint and attack and it was super effective._

* * *

"Fortunately, Mewx is not done yet," Arceus interjected.

* * *

_"So Mewtwo used genetics on your pokemon I didn't expect this I will have to retreat. But Ill be back for reveng!" saidMewthree and then he teliported away._

* * *

"Come back, Mewshane..." Kyurem sighed out.

* * *

_"No fair!" said Jake "How did that happen" asked Sarah_

* * *

"If anyone asked something in this story, the answer is always going to be genetics," Genesect stated.

* * *

_"Mewtwo gave me extra special genetics. "_

* * *

"And we have a winner!" Arceus cried out.

* * *

_said Umbrion then turned back to Eevee. "I am sorry for keeping secret" "Its okay" said Sarah._

* * *

"The thought process behind this story is also a secret," Kyurem growled out.

"That's only because it's considered a weapon of mass destruction," the Normal Type replied.

* * *

_But we need to find Mewthree we should train for next math. I'll get you Mewthree"._

* * *

"If your math is as good as your English, I weep for the future," Arceus bemoaned.

* * *

_Sarah Jack n Paul decide to hell out citie and look for surviver._

* * *

"So the city is in hell? Thought so," Genesect stated with a nod.

* * *

_"We should look for survivors" said Paul sexily_

* * *

Arceus just stared a dead stare at the screen while Kyurem facepalmed. "This has become a parody of itself."

* * *

_"Ok" said Sarah and they look for survors. Sarah was distracted by Pauls nice hiAR and sexy bod_

* * *

"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!" Genesect repeated, waving his hands at the screen, while Kyurem rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, all ten year old anime characters are secretly bodybuilders."

* * *

_and made Jake jealous Stop looking at me like that" sid Paul._

* * *

Arceus blinked slowly. "I don't know what's creepier; the shameless self-insert caricature ogling Paul, or that this story just had an in-character moment."

* * *

_Jake god idea._

* * *

"What's Jake's God idea?" the purple Pokémon asked hesitantly.

"God milk?" Kyurem replied.

* * *

_"Gallad use telikineses (I think that's how its spelled) and Gallad put the buildings back together._

* * *

"Gallad, for all your advertising needs!" Gensect exclaimed in a voice reminiscent of Arceus' impersonation.

"For your information, that is not how it's spelled," Kyurem growled, pointing at the screen. "But coming from someone who can't spell the word "said" correctly, I'm not surprised!"

* * *

_"Good job" said Jake and they found som survivors and they rescue them._

* * *

"I think being trapped in the building would have been a more merciful fate..." Arceus muttered.

* * *

_"I must go now. " said Paul "There are more ppl that need help"._

* * *

All three critics breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

_"No don't go!" said Sarah._

* * *

"I haven't creepily stared at you enough!" Kyurem said in a crude imitation of her voice.

* * *

_"We need all the help we can get to beatMewthree he is very stong" "Okay" said Paul_

* * *

All three cried out 'No!' in unison.

* * *

_Jake pulled Sarah aside and aksed "do you like Paul"_

* * *

"In a weird, fangirlish way?" Arceus added on.

* * *

_"I guess so" said Sarah and made Jake sad because he was IN LOVE with Sarah._

* * *

"Not LOVE! Oh, the horror..." Kyurem cried out over-dramatically.

* * *

_"Do you like him like him" asked Kake_

* * *

"So Jake's been turned into a cake?" Arceus mused happily while Genesect stood up in his seat and pointed at the viewscreen.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"

* * *

_"Maybe" said Sarah "Why?" "Sarah I love you" said Jake. "Really"said Sarah "really" said Jake and then they kissed._

* * *

Genesect threw his arms into the air. "Right, everybody! This is how you do love! We can up pack now! Let's go home!"

He stood up to leave, only for Arceus to telepathically drag him back into his seat.

* * *

_(AN: Paul is 13 in this story so it not weird OK)_

* * *

The Ice/Dragon's eyes narrowed. "Couldn't get enough of the author in the author's notes? Don't worry, we have you covered."

* * *

_"We ned to find Mewthree" said Paul._

* * *

"We can't forget about Mewwandosdrei!" the Paleozoic Pokémon commented.

* * *

_"My gallaid has psikic powers"_

* * *

"I don't think I've mentioned that yet," the Alpha commented in Jake's voice.

* * *

_said Jake and Gallaid used sichic powers to find mewthree_

* * *

The Paleozoic Pokémon grinned. "Well, that's convenient!"

"Gallaid," Arceus began in his announcer voice. "For all your villain finding needs."

* * *

_"He is in the belt ower_

* * *

Kyurem snorted. "Let's count our blessings and be glad she didn't try to write brass tower."

* * *

_but it is far away to teleport to so we will have to drive there on motorcycles"said Gallad telepathetically_

* * *

Genesect growled. "Is this turning into Mad Max?!"

"Hopefully they'll all crash," Kyurem stated bluntly.

* * *

_"I will give u motorcycles" said one of the survivors who owned a motorcycle shop who they rescued earlier._

* * *

"Driver's license? Never heard of it," Arceus commented innocently.

"Just make sure to give her one where she can actually grab the handlebars," Kyurem muttered.

"And don't forget to use genetics on it so it can change colors," the Alpha Pokémon said.

* * *

_Sarah Jake an Paul drove fast as wind and got to new bark ton and saw salamens there_

* * *

"Solomon?" Genesect wondered aloud.

"Salad men?" Kyurem joined in.

"Salamanders?" Arceus mused.

"Salami men?"

"Salary pens?"

"Salable gins?"

"Sableye dens?"

* * *

_"What is salamens doing here" said Pail_

* * *

Genesect threw his bony arms out in front of him. "WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, PEARL!"

* * *

_"I am super clone made bymewthree I am 2nd only to mewthree and am 2nd in comman" said salemend_

* * *

"Salesmen?" Kyurem sighed and hung his head at Arceus' comment.

"We're done with that."

The Angry Bug scratched his head. "I think it's supposed to be a Salamence?"

"Salamenace," Arceus commented with a small chuckle. Kyurem just facepalmed.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were enjoying this..."

Arceus made a motion akin to shrugging. "I might as well make the most of it."

* * *

_"I will be making sure you never redach mewthree DIE!"_

* * *

"Oh goodness, he's making an Ganon reference! A bad one though..." Genesect commented with a frown.

* * *

_Slamence clawed Sarah in face and evee turned vaporeon to sop it but slamence use dargon bread on it and hurt._

* * *

Arceus' rolled his eyes. "Stop loafing around and use your Mary Sue powers, Sara."

Genesect snorted. "Please leave the bread jokes out! We're not b-ready for them, at yeast!"

Kyurem just groaned.

* * *

_"Ha ha ha" say Salamence "you are week and will die"_

* * *

"Don't worry! From this story, I bet everyone who reads this is now dead inside! I'm certainly am!" Genesect said happily.

* * *

_{NO" said Sarah"I wont let you kill" but salamens attached Paul an Jake before sent outpoekmon and they were lie on ground._

* * *

Kyurem blinked. "Napping them to death doesn't seem very efficient OR torturous."

* * *

_"You cant stop me" said Salamenc. Edward Cullen._

* * *

Genesect let out a yelp. "NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

Arceus knitted his nonexistent eyebrows. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"It's who really wrote this," Kyurem grunted. "Which explains a lot."

"Is this Salamence is trying to say that only Edward Cullen can stop him?" the Paleozoic Pokémon began to panic. "If so, we're all screwed!"

"To be fair, that is a very low bar to set," Kyurem chimed in.

* * *

_"Now you will die" but suddenly sarah start to glow._

* * *

"LET'S THE MARY SUE-NESS POWERS BEGIN!" Genesect declared.

* * *

_Sarah was rhydon_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "She already has the IQ of one."

* * *

_"Whats happening to me". "what"_

* * *

Genesect opened his mouth, only for Kyurem to quickly cut him off. "We already did that."

* * *

_said Jake an_

_ Paul. "Sarah you are excape genetic experiment from mewthree you had mew dan so you could transfrom at Will_

* * *

Arceus' eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "You mean to tell me that Mewnineohonetwofive is responsible for this story!?"

"He did try to kill it and spare all of us this misery, though," Kyurem commented quickly.

Genesect crossed his arms. "But he failed and here we are."

* * *

_but you forgot and was adopted by family._

* * *

Genesect buried his face in his claws. "How did she forget?! It just happened?"

* * *

_"he mad you human so you could live with humans but kill them when time I control you now" then salamence took out remote and control Sarah_

* * *

Arceus laughed like a maniac. "Now; jump up and down and sing showtunes!"

* * *

_"no" said Sarah "now kill friends Jake and Paul" laughed Salamence evilly._

* * *

Genesect rubbed his hands together. "Yes! DO IT! JUST DO IT! Put us out of our misery!"

* * *

_Sarah charge hyper beam and aim at Jake "no don't" say Jake but Sarah couldn't stop it._

* * *

Kyurem began counting down.

* * *

_But then Sarah think of how she love Jake and dint want to hurt him so she shot at tree_

* * *

Genesect began crying. "That poor tree..."

Arceus' gaze became distant. "The horror..."

* * *

_"what no" saySalamence. "Mine control will never defeat poer of luv!" say Sarah._

* * *

"It will maximize profits, however," Kyurem muttered.

* * *

_Then salamence turn into jet"if you won't kill friends then I will for you"_

* * *

The Angry Bug grew wide-eyed. "A Salamence turned into an aeroplane? That's something you don't see every day!"

"He must have taken Flying Lessons," Arceus muttered, while Kyurem chuckled quietly.

* * *

_but sarah turn into Articuno and used ice beam because it was his weakness and remote destroy "no" and fainted._

* * *

Kyurem furrowed his brow. "So, a Salalance can kill Sarah with it's moves, but at best she can only knock it out? Well, can't say I'm complaining."

* * *

_"so you are genetic expertiment" Jake"I guess so" said sarah_

* * *

Genesect rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I guess that such a revelation in this story is so grand that it has to be brushed off quite easily!"

* * *

_"come on we have hurry!" and she turn into arodactil and they all got on and gly to bell "Ill get you mewthee"_

* * *

"To make me a new Gary Oak with your genetics," Kyurem muttered.

* * *

_sera to fly bell towel and say mewthree "mewthree I challenge you to pokemon battle"_

* * *

Arceus rolled his eyes. "You know, you can definitely see Glory For Sleep's influence. What with how there's a final showdown and all."

Kyurem nodded in agreement. "This is something that would make Coli Chibi proud... if his pet Caterpie was writing it."

Genesect put his claw to his chin. "This could give Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus a run for his money in the crazy department."

Arceus chuckled. "It might even unseat SilverUmbra as the master of sensible nonsense."

* * *

_"ok" saw mewthree "I chooce me" and shoot black hole at sarah_

* * *

"And she gets sucked away and ends our suffering!" Genesect cheered, only to drop his arm when Arceus shook his head in the negative.

* * *

_"No" say sarah and dog._

* * *

Arceus blinked. "So... Jake's been demoted to a dog? Well, he was already ordered around like one..."

"Don't forget the puppy love," Kyurem quickly added.

* * *

_"I will creat world without pokemon trainers" said mewthree._

* * *

Genesect blinked. "So, Black and White plot basically?"

* * *

_"Humans make pokemon slave_

* * *

"At least my army of mindless clones bound to my will get Christmas off," Kyurem tried mimicking the Psychic Type's voice.

* * *

_and I hate that and humans. I dint expect to see you again but you will not get in mi weigh."_

* * *

"Wait, is Mewfree deciding to weigh itself?" Genesect wondered.

* * *

_"you kill Oak an Lary an mewto and other people too. "say Sarah._

* * *

"You also cancelled Young Justice! Die!" Kyurem commented with a small smile, while Genesect jumped out of his seat and aimed his canon at the screen.

"MEWTREE DID WHAT?!"

* * *

_"You cant stop me I will kill al humans so that no one can be trainer!" say mewthree._

* * *

"And then I'll make a glorious world where Pokémon are free to oppress each other!" Arceus said in a much more apt impersonation.

* * *

_Sarah point! "Shut up or I explode your head!" and became mewtwo too._

* * *

Kyurem laughed good-naturedly. "Hey, it's a throwback to the start of the story! And it's just as bad as back then!"

Arceus nodded and joined in hysterically. "That takes effort. Let's give them a round of applause, everybody."

Genesect looked around in confusion as pre-recorded clapping suddenly filled the theater.

* * *

_"Impossable! said mewtree" "You born me but now I kill you" said sarah._

* * *

Genesect's expression melted into one of disgust. "Did Sarah just say that Mewdees gave birth to her?"

"Anything's possible in a post-Gamergate world," Kyurem growled.

"I think Mewtwentyonetwelve's black hole sucked us into Brave New World..." Arceus muttered.

* * *

_"You may be me but YOU ARE NOT LEVEL" and uses shadow billit_

* * *

The Angry Bug scratched his head. "Shadow Bullet?"

The Normal Type chuckled. "Shadow-"

"No," Kyurem quickly cut in.

* * *

_was super effect but eeve jumped in front and it dint hurt him. "Why help human?"_

* * *

"Why speak George of Jungle?" Arceus' voice became gruff.

* * *

_"I am friend of sarah" said eevee._

* * *

Genesect laughed and pointed at the screen. "Oh look, the friendship cliché!"

* * *

_Mowthree was confused din't understan why eve help sarah"what is friend?"_

* * *

Kyurem's tone became patronizing. "Aw, they're trying to get philosophical. How cute..."

* * *

_"friends are people who nice each other and help other and are" say jake_

* * *

"Well, that but they can be teasingly annoying and absolutely jerks when they want to be but also can be serious and sympathetic when the situation calls for it, but that's not the point here!" the Angry Bug exclaimed while Arceus rolled his eyes.

"Or completely useless and exist for the sole purpose of being a love interest."

* * *

_but mew3 still not understan._

* * *

"Neither do we," all three said in the same deadpan.

* * *

_"now I will firght for reind"_

* * *

Genesect blinked. "Who's Reind?"

Whoever it is, I'm certain they'd be a better hero than Sarah..." Kyurem muttered.

* * *

_Then Jake send out zorark witch he caut but forgot to tell_

* * *

"Like the other half of this story," The Normal Type stated.

* * *

_"ow" said mewtwo_

* * *

"No screaming in pain? Oh, what a shame!" Genesect said apathetically.

* * *

_and it use dark plus._

* * *

The Boundary Pokémon shrugged. "Dark Plus... I got nothing."

* * *

_then sarah became ms. drevus_

* * *

Arceus craned his head to the back of the theater. "Apologies to Mr. Grool for this misrepresentation of Mismagius."

* * *

_and evee umbrn and hurt mewthree too._

* * *

"You punched a giant hole through my midsection," Kyurem commented in his best impersonation. "Ow."

* * *

_Mwthree fought bake too but couldn't._

* * *

"Our... plot... was too weak..." Arceus wheezed out.

* * *

_"" and faint_

* * *

The Ice/Dragon chuckled. "It's symbolic for the entire story."

* * *

_tara was sad for mewthree and use revive._

* * *

"She's already prolonged our pain, but now she has to prolong his, too!?" the Alpha cried out.

* * *

_"why you do that" say paul "why you do that" say mewthree._

* * *

The Paleozoic Pokémon leaned forward. "Why _did_ you do that?"

* * *

_"mewthro humans shouldnt killed" say eevee "pokemon like train."_

* * *

"I particularly like watching them go through tunnels," Kyurem remarked in a vapid voice.

* * *

_mewthree was sad and mad and confuse "sarah I will not kill humans now. " say mewthree and sarah knew he wasnt ling._

* * *

Genesect slapped his forehead. "What is she, an ace attorney? Because, that would be horrible!"

* * *

_Mewthree flew into sky with sad face. "I will help human now" and teleport awa._

* * *

"By getting out of this story as quickly as possible so it can finally end," Arceus continued in Mewtwo's voice.

* * *

_"we did it!" sag paul. "yay!" say eevee._

* * *

Kyurem's jaw dropped. "Wow. They're so desperate they're ripping off Dora the Explorer."

* * *

_Then Jake and Sarah start kissin to celebrate. "sarah jake and paul you are heroes" say people and made a parade._

* * *

All three critics stood up and started to cheer along with the crowd.

"Hundreds of people are dead!" Arceus cried out in triumph.

"Mewtwothreetwo got off scot free!" Kyurem sang happily.

"Out entire town's destroyed!" Genesect cheered.

"Sarah's still alive! But at least..." all three turned towards the exit.

"The story's over, the story's over, hooray, hooray! The story's over, the story's over, we can go home now! Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank..." all three critics sang as they left the theater behind.

* * *

"Well," Kyurem began as they returned to the closest thing their spaceship had to a command deck. "We sat through that piece of crap, now call up Mew so we can finally get back to Earth."

"Already on it," Arceus replied quickly, motioning for Genesect to press the flashing button on the counter. The Angry Bug did so enthusiastically, and all three looked up at the view screen across from them, only to be met with nothing. The two other critics looked down at Genesect, and he chuckled uneasily and began pressing the button even quicker, only to be met with the same result. The realization slowly began to sink into all three, but Kyurem refused to give up hope, and turned to the Alpha.

"How long until you think you can teleport us away?" Arceus sighed.

"A few hours, assuming nothing else will need my attention first," the other two joined in the Normal Type's melancholy.

"So we're trapped..." Genesect muttered. Arceus, though, had begun to look around the room for anything they might use, and his eyes finally landed on something promising.

"What's that?" the Paleozoic Pokémon blinked as the Alpha Pokémon lifted a pointed hoof in the direction of a large, wooden wheel with multiple knobs.

"That? Oh, that's the steering wheel!" it took a few seconds for the comment to register with all three, but once it did, the uncomfortable silence was broken by them all sharing a collective blink and looking at each other. Seconds later, the whimsical music from earlier was echoing throughout the room as the three crowded around the steering wheel.

"This is a song, about three critics," they all sang, swaying side to side in unison as Arceus began steering the spaceship back towards the planet below. "We're falling back into, Earth's orbit!"

"We're gonna kill her with a spaceship! Ole!" While Kyurem and Arceus began laughing as they finished, their ship picking up speed as it began to enter the atmosphere, Genesect dropped his claw and blinked.

"Uh, wait. Aren't we on the spaceship?" all three blinked and then started running around the room in a panic like headless Torchics while their vehicle continued its downwards spiral into the stratosphere. Arceus suddenly stopped mid-gallop, blinking while Genesect crashed face-first into his wheel, before looking back at the viewscreen. _"Wait, if there's a steering wheel..."_

The Alpha's eyes drifted over to the side, and sure enough, there was a lever with the words 'emergency brake' printed on the bottom. "Kyurem!"

Kyurem blinked, followed Arceus' eyes, and immediately tugged on the brake. It screeched out loudly in protest, but the ship showed no signs of slowing down. All three Legendaries blinked nervously, the Boundary Pokémon quickly yanking harder on the lever until a loud snap rang out. Arceus and Genesect turned back to Kyurem, who was holding the broken stick in one of his claws. All three then went back to panicking.

"K-Kyurem..." Genesect said weakly through his tears as he held onto Kyurem's frozen wing for support.

"Yeah?" the Boundary Pokémon returned through a snivel.

"I just want you to know..."

"What?"

"I couldn't think of anything mushy to say..." the Angry Bug then broke out into more sobs while Kyurem quickly recomposed himself and grimaced, but before he could toss Genesect to the side, the ship suddenly grinded to a halt, sending both Legendaries sprawling forwards. Arceus, by pure virtue of being able to float, was unaffected, and instead sped over to the controls. The Icce/Dragon pushed Genesect off him and slowly got back to his bulky feet, peering out the viewscreen.

"We-We stopped?" Arceus leaned in to the various devices scattered all over the desk, before he raised a non-existent eyebrow.

"Huh. Out of gas," the Alpha Pokémon looked up when he saw both Kyurem and Genesect staring at him in a mixture of deadpan and disbelief. "What?"

Genesect raised his claws and tilted his head to the side. "Well, isn't this the part where one of us points out how that's impossible and gravity kicks back in?"

Arceus only rolled his eyes and moved to the exit. "That only works in cartoons. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Legendary to flay."

The Paleozoic Pokémon turned to Kyurem, who only shrugged before following Arceus, Genesect falling in line afterwards.

* * *

"C'mon..." Mew muttered as she pressed buttons at random, sparks flying from the Berry Juice seeping into the machine, before finally letting out a sigh and slamming down her paws onto the controls. "It's hopeless, I'll never get Arcy back..."

The Psychic Type's triangular ears perked up, and she put a paw to her chin. "Well, he can just teleport himself back down once his powers recharge, but I'd still like to get him down..."

Mew stopped talking when she realized her surroundings had become darker, turning around slowly until she met Arceus' glare. She grew a very shaky smile as the Alpha leaned in, tapping her paws together and laughing nervously. "Uh, hi Arcy..."

He, and the two other critics behind him, said nothing, which only made the New Species Pokémon more nervous. She caught sight of Genesect holding an unconscious Crobat over his shoulder before responding with another uneasy chuckle. "Did you, uh, like your movie?"

Arceus looked like he was about to say something, but Genesect replied first. "I actually wouldn't mind doing this again."

The two other critics turned to look at the Angry Bug in disbelief, and he only shrugged. "What? I had fun."

"Yeah, I guess I did too..." Kyurem muttered, crossing his arms. Arceus only closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

"I suppose I wouldn't mind doing this again under less... pressing circumstances, either," the Normal Type turned back to the two others. "Well, I suppose it's only just that I send both of you back. Have a merry Christmas."

Kyurem and Genescect replied the same as Arceus' eyes flashed a golden hue, and in seconds they all had vanished.

* * *

"Christmas again..." Arceus yawned out as he woke up the following day, stretching out his hooves.

"Well, let's see what horrors await me this time, shall we?" he muttered to no one in particular as he opened the doors to his chambers, floating into the Grand Hall. When the Alpha was met with nothing, he only rolled his eyes and counted to three, watching as Mew jumped out from behind one of the pillars.

"Merry Christmas, Arcy!" she kept up her wide grin as Arceus turned to face her stoically, only rolling his eyes.

"So, what Glory For Sleep fanfiction will you rip off this year?" Mew blinked and dropped her expression, crossing her arms.

"C'mon Arcy, where's your Christmas spirit?" the Normal Type only narrowed his eyes.

"It all went into not erasing your existence after your latest stunt," the New Species Pokémon's grin returned in a more sly vein.

"Well, now I know to pull off my best stuff during Christmas," she muttered, before quickly looking back up, blue orbs boring into his green. "But you really let me off the hook 'cause you secretly enjoyed it... And you'd get too lonely without me."

The look that came over the Alpha's face was a cross between 'Blasphemy!' and 'Don't push it'. Mew just chuckled nervously, tapping her stubby paws together before pulling off a backflip. "But to answer your question; I was thinking of stealing a few ideas from SilverUmbra this time."

Arceus' eyes narrowed even more, and he lowered his head to the Psychic Type's level, staring straight into her eyes. "Mew; if you bring anyone from the Happy Dimension here, or vice-versa, I will personally see to it that you are trapped there for a century."

Mew frowned, slouching forward. "Awww. Well, I guess there's always Plan B."

Arceus quirked a non-existent eyebrow as Mew pulled out a Perfect Apple from nowhere, balancing it on her head as she floated up. "YOOOMTAH!"

The room was filled with an overwhelming light for a few seconds, and when it died down, the Creation Trio were present, and a giant aluminum pole covered in ribbons had been placed next to Arceus. Mew threw her paws into the air grandly. "It's time for the feats of strength, and then we'll move onto the airing of the grievances!"

All Arceus could do was look on hopelessly, drop his head and then begin bashing it into one of the marble pillars while Palkia and Giratina began inching closer to Dialga.

"Of course..." the Legendary of Time sighed out before the two attacked. Mew just spun around in place, grin as wide as ever.

"It's a festivus for the restivus!" Mew turned to the side, laughing, and then gave a wave while Arceus hit by a stray Spatial Rend in the background. "Merry Christmas!"

"MEEEWWWWWW!"

* * *

**The End**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_Matthais Unidostres_

_Imperator Justinian_

_DragonNiro_

_Mr. Grool_

**_Credits:_**

_Mystery Science Theater 3000_

_Pokémon_

_McDonalds_

_Sunglasses at Night - Corey Hart_

_Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald/Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire_

_Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies_

_Star Wars_

_Ed, Edd n' Eddy_

_Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope_

_The X-Files_

_Mr. Popeil - Weird Al_

_New World Man - Rush_

_Pokémon: Adventures on the Orange Islands_

_Seinfeld_

_Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum_

_Pokémon X/Y_

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Star Force: Fugitive Alien II_

_Looney Tunes_

_Super Smash Bros._

_Pokémon Yellow_

_Arceus and the Jewel of Life_

_Hogan's Heroes_

_High School Musical_

_Collision Course_

_Lord of the Rings_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Manos: The Hands of Fate_

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity_

_Kid Icarus: Uprising_

_Games Grumps_

_Lights - Journey_

_Shane_

_Portal 2_

_Pokémon Gold/Silver/Crystal/HeartGold/SoulSilver_

_Mad Max_

_Gravity Falls_

_90125 - Yes_

_Monty Python - Flying Lesson_

_Glory For Sleep_

_Coli Chibi_

_Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus_

_SilverUmbra_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Soultaker_

_Pokémon Black/White_

_Young Justice_

_2112 - Rush _

_Brave New World_

_George of the Jungle_

_Dora the Explorer_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Time of the Apes_

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

Well, another year's come and gone. I just want to say thanks to everyone for sticking by me throughout it, and to Niro and Grool for making this possible (and yes, alternate endings can be found on their versions). Also, I'd like to give a big 'thank you' to Matthais for inspiring the three of us. Well, that pretty much does it, so Merry Christmas!


	26. Assessment 2 & Parody 1

"Greetings," Arceus commented cheerfully, floating besides an all-too familiar projector screen. "On the recommendation of a good friend and brilliant colleague, I have decided to create a little miniseries out of analyzing certain characters - or, rather, the fandom's views of them. And what better character to analyze next than..."

Arceus then looked over at Mew, who was floating behind the slide projector. She produced a slide and was about to place it in the machine before Arceus' eyes narrowed.

"The right one," he ordered, and the Psychic Type's expression dropped. She threw aside that slide and pulled out another one from the cart the projector was one, placing it in and creating an image of Paul on the canvas besides Arceus.

"Yes; Paul-" Arceus was cut off by a sudden clap of thunder followed by the opening to Toccata and Fugue. The Alpha shot a glare in Mew's direction, who only deadpanned.

"It was either that or Keldeo's PSA joke, Arcy," Arceus could only sigh and shake his head.

"Back to the topic at hand; yes, today we will be examining Paul."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why is Paul so divisive?**

* * *

"Though the original series certainly holds quite a bit of nostalgia for older fans, the reality is that the show had only just started, and as a result it was a bit of a jumbled mess. And so, there's a general consensus amongst most of the fanbase that the Pokémon: Diamond and Pearl series was the hallmark of the anime's quality. It certainly produced some of the most memorable side-characters, and one of the anime's most controversial characters."

Arceus nodded, levitating a baton and tapping the canvas with it as the slide of Paul was replaced with a list. "Yes; As odd as this might sound, Paul is quite the controversial character. And much like the anime rendition of Serena, the fanbase is almost completely divided into two camps on him; those who think he's a heartless blackguard who enjoys kicking Lillipups for fun, and those who feel he's a solid addition to the anime cast and a strong rival. And, like last time as well, there are good reasons for both arguments. Why don't we examine the former first?"

"Now," the Alpha continued, tilting his head towards the screen. "This side of the argument's complaints are thus; Paul is the cruelest trainer in history from his training methods and apathetic demeanor, especially shown in his disregard and even disdain for Pokémon he deems weak, not to mention his less than welcoming attitude towards other people, and as a result, is absolutely loathed by them."

Arceus nodded. "And it's not like they're wrong; Paul is indeed harsh. He's introduced as someone who looks down on Ash because Pikachu's not evolved, and only even takes interest in him because Pikachu knows Volt Tackle. He releases captured Pokémon who fail to meet his standards - the only reason he did even capture what would later become Ash's Chimchar was because it managed to single-handedly fend off so many Zangoose, after all, pushes his Pokémon to train themselves to the point of exhaustion, and is all-around brutal in both his training methods and battling style."

"His overconfidence did little to improve his image in this camp's viewpoint," the Alpha Pokémon's baton drifted down to a certain item on the list, before the picture was replaced with a still of Paul and Cynthia's battle. "After all, Paul has a penchant for fighting, and has occasionally bit off more than he can chew. His only aim is to be strong, and as a result - or perhaps to meet that very end - he's often challenged people who are far above his level; Cynthia and Brandon, to name a few, who easily crushed him. He rarely ever acknowledges when he is wrong, even after being horribly defeated, and pushes away almost anyone who tries to help him, family included, and overall comes off as being quite arrogant."

"The height of this was probably the Veilstone arc of the anime, which is, ironically, also traditionally viewed as the true start of Paul's development as a character, with the introduction of his brother - Reggie - who is the definition of an opposite if there ever was one. Across it, though he is still as cold as usual, he is also more hostile than normal - to his own brother at that, which certainly did not help his standing in this camp - and even a bit insecure, which undoubtedly made him look a bit whiny at this point."

The Normal Type titled his head upwards. "But, most likely, what cemented the majority of this camp's hatred against him was actually something that occurred earlier; episodes forty-nine to fifty-one, otherwise known as the Tag Team Tournament arc. Perhaps his characteristics here were not as strong as above, but they were better demonstrated with his refusal to even acknowledge Chimchar during a losing battle, amongst other things. They would include a complete refusal to cooperate with Ash, as he still viewed him as weak, not even caring that Ash had to take over the battle as he refused to even give any commands to Chimchar, and later releasing the Pokémon because of his performance during said battle - and not even caring that Ash was its next owner."

Arceus' eyes shifted to the side for a split-second. "And I would be lying if I said that the irony that Chimchar would later prove crucial in Ash's ultimate triumph over Paul wasn't enjoyable."

"Regardless," the Alpha cleared his throat. "To sum up this camp's argument; Paul is cruel, apathetic, arrogant, power-hungry and an altogether terrible person that deserves to be crushed at every possible chance as punishment for his near-draconian methods."

"Now, much like with Serena, many aspects of Paul that make some angry have made others like his character," Arceus began. "Yes; to start off, his training methods have actually won him quite a few fans as well. The reasons vary, but most commonly they are that they add realism to the show - after all, the anime has indeed shown that there are trainers that are harsh, and this only furthers that angle by having one of the most important characters act in such a way rather than just being an one-episode villain - and they make Paul a more believable and challenging rival whose conflict - both internal and with Ash - was one of the main reasons Diamond and Pearl was as good as it was."

"And they would be right in that respect as well; this side of the argument does indeed have a strong point in pointing out that Paul is not as much of a flat character as he seems. Constantly living in the shadow of his older brother and pressured by the expectations set upon him, he feels he has to become stronger to actually be distinctive. And so, to attain that, he trains his Pokémon the only way he knows how; harshly, and an undeniable fact is that his methods did produce the desired results - and perhaps not much love from his team, but a strange respect as well. And while most of the former camp's hatred to Paul was well solidified before the Veilstone arc, the backstory it provided for him was welcome for fans who were still undecided or liked him as a character."

The Normal Type tilted his head to the side, and the image of the canvas was replace with one of Paul and Brandon's battle. "And in true Sinnoh fashion, Paul's character only continued to grow after Veilstone. While the change was gradual, his constant battling with Ash slowly challenging his perceptions of strength and training, especially after getting smacked down by Cynthia, what can be attributed as being the most pivotal moment for him was his battle with Brandon, who had also defeated Reggie; the one who Paul had been living in the shadow of for so long. By the time of the Sinnoh League, Paul's methods had considerably softened - though they were by no means soft - and he had stopped valuing power alone, perhaps even coming to view Ash as some kind of friend."

Arceus nodded. "And, another point this camp makes, one I think both sides can agree on, is that Paul was also Ash's best rival. While Gary was undeniably a challenge for Ash; prideful, knowledgeable, and certainly more than a match for whatever Ash could throw his way, their rivalry was based almost solely on a personal level. But for all of his cockiness, Gary was not particularly mean-spirited or harsh to his own team, whereas Paul was able to counter Ash on a methodological level, establishing a much stronger conflict and level of suspense. The fact that neither trainer managed to particularly triumph over the other until the Sinnoh League only further served this; in fact, Ash realized he had to ratchet up his own training if he wanted to defeat Paul, whereas Paul slowly became kinder to his own team over the course of the anime, does indeed show that they bounced off each other like proper rivals - and as a result, it only furthers Paul's status in this camp's view."

"Another argument from this camp is that Paul, essentially, is not that different in how he treats his Pokémon from how most people play the games," Arceus made a motion akin to shrugging. "And while I doubt most people are as intentionally hard as him, it can indeed be argued the Paul was indeed grinding EV's and IV's and searching for Pokémon with specific natures."

The Alpha Pokémon's face lowered as he pointed at the projector screen again, a shadow drawing itself over his eyes. "Another reason for Paul's boon in popularity, silly as it might seem, is that he was really the first 'true' bad boy Pokémon made. And as a result, Ikarishipping is the second most popular anime pairing not involving Ash after Contestshipping, and one of the most popular overall. I don't feel I need to extrapolate on this point any further."

Arceus coughed uncomfortably. "Yes, well, to sum up most this camp's argument; Paul, harsh or not, is indeed a solid addition to the anime as a fleshed-out rival and strong foil to Ash, who presents a consistent challenge and added both realism and conflict to Sinnoh's anime, himself being one of the reasons why it was so good."

"And," Arceus stopped for a second to give a small nod to Mew, who powered down the projector. "Much like with Serena, both camps have valid points and reasons for their opinions - some of which I'm certain I've missed - and those would be the basics of them and the reasons behind them."

* * *

Arceus sighed melodramatically as he turned around, eyes glancing upwards. "Ah, the golden age of the anime..."

Mew only raised an eyebrow as Arceus used his powers to project the clichéd effect that happens whenever someone transitions into a flashback.

* * *

"I daresay," Arceus, clad in a tailcoat and ruff, began in a stereotypical nobleman's accent. "I believe it is almost time for the latest episode of Pokémon to be on."

Mew, who was wearing an oversized powdered wig and dress, only crossed her arms and scowled as Arceus turned around to the analog television behind them.

"Do I really have to wear this stupid wig, Arcy?" The Alpha Pokémon shot a look behind him, accent melting into a more familiar deadpan.

"It's necessary for the flashback," Mew threw her paws into the air.

"C'mon! This thing's so big I have Pidoves nesting in it!" her swift motion caused the wig to shake, and a Pidove fell out, motionless as it hit the ground.

"Had," Mew clarified, sparing a glance down at the Flying Type before looking back up at Arceus. "Don't we have anything else we can use for filler?"

The Alpha Pokémon sighed. "Well, I do suppose I have something lying around that we can use..."

"Hm, deja vu..." Arceus muttered as he used his powers to create the same effect again.

* * *

Mew muttered something as she floated away, while Arceus cleared his throat and turned around. "And because I do oh so hate short chapters, here's a short, little parody for you."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Pokémon Mystery Theater: Destroyers of Time**

**(Or, A Parody of XY080 - Rotom's Wish)**

* * *

The sun was beginning to set over Kalos, casting a vibrant orange hue over a windy mountain path that hosted four young travelers.

_"Our heroes are back on the road to Anistar City, as Ash-"_ Ash stopped walking at the voice, staring up perplexedly at the cloudy sky. Everyone else stopped and turned back at the sight, Clemont raising en eyebrow.

"Uh, Ash?" the raven-haired trainer's eyes were still firmly fixed on the sky. "Any reason we stopped?"

Ash blinked self-consciously and looked back at his friends, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry guys, I thought I heard something."

"He's doing it again..." Bonnie whispered to Clemont. The Gym Leader just bonked her on the head while they resumed their trek.

"The sun's almost setting, huh..." Ash commented offhandedly, Pikachu crying out its name in agreement. Bonnie raised her arms in excitement, face breaking out into a wide smile.

"Camping! I know; let's play Pokémon impressions again!" she said enthusiastically. Serena nodded in agreement.

"Good idea," the blond looked down for a second. "Though I sure wish I could've taken a shower today..."

And as if on cue, the dark clouds overhead suddenly became darker, sending down a torrent of icy rain.

"Wish granted..." Clemont muttered as the four quickly increased their pace. Serena started fumbling with her Pokédex, and after randomly pressing a few buttons an image of a hotel popped up on the screen.

"There's a luxury hotel nearby!" she exclaimed. Clemont tossed a disbelieving look over his shoulder.

"A luxury hotel in the middle of nowhere? Are you sure that thing's reliable?" Serena's lips curled into a slight scowl.

"Of course it's reliable!" and then she was forced to drop the device as it broke out in sparks from all the water. Clutching her hand, Serena shot a murderous glare at the machine before carrying on.

"More reliable than anything you've made, anyways," she muttered.

The four then quickly ran in the direction Serena pointed them to, and before long they stumbled upon the massive hotel.

"Our clothing's dry?" Ash wondered as they wandered into the lobby.

Serena, though, was far more taken aback at the sight before them.

"This is a hotel!?" the lobby was in complete shambles; pieces of trash strewn about, potted plants dying or spilling onto the dirty marble floors, the statue in the center of the room looking like it could crumble at any second. Serena took another cautious glance around. "Right?"

"They might just not be open for business?" Clemont offered.

"They sure can't clean..." Bonnie muttered as they walked up to the counter, her brother letting out a tired sigh as he walked up to the desk. Clemont looked around for a second before he spotted someone in a bellhop uniform who was busy filling away something underneath the desk.

"Uh, hello?" the Gym Leader from Lumiose asked uncertainly. "We'd like a room for tonight, please."

The bellhop, an older man whose tired eyes peeked at them behind a pair of round glasses, looked up. "Huh? Customers? I haven't seen customers since ninety-two..."

Serena and Bonnie exchanged nervous glances while the bellhop gave a warm smile. "Welcome to Faulty Towers, I'll take you to your rooms."

As the five were walking into a nearby hallway, one of the lights adorning the wall flickered for a few seconds. The bellhop looked up in confusion. "Rotom?"

Ash stepped forward in surprise. "Rotom!?"

The man spun around with a nervous smile. "Oh don't worry, it was nothing. We're called Faulty Towers for a reason."

While the bellhop carried on, Bonnie noticed a picture hanging near the lamp, depicting a scruffy-looking man and a Krookodile posing in front of what looked like a battlefield.

"What's this?" the youngest member of the group wondered aloud. The bellhop turned back around.

"That? Oh, that's just a picture of the day this hotel opened," the five the carried on, until the bellhop reached a certain room, opening the door for them.

"Goodnight," he said with a soft smile as he passed the keys into Clemont's hands before heading off. The four trainers then entered the room, Bonnie quickly jumping on her bed while Ash and Clemont placed their bags down.

"No double..." Serena muttered disappointedly as she sat down on one of the beds.

"Hey guys, wanna have a Pokémon battle?" Ash asked. Serena and Clemont both looked up in confusion.

"Where?"

"It's pouring outside, Ash," the trainer from Pallet town refused to let that dissuade him.

"Well you remember that picture? There's a battlefield on it!" Serena put a finger to her chin.

"Well, I guess. It's not like we have a long walk ahead of us tomorrow or anything..."

"Great!" Ash exclaimed before bolting out of the room, the other three following. Before long they stumbled upon the battlefield, which was nearly as dirty and disheveled as the lobby; graffiti completely adorned walls that looked like they had not been cleaned in years, and the battlefield itself was worn down from years of neglect. Ash realized that they had also just caught the tail end of a battle, as the man from the picture - having aged quite noticeably - including having grown a small beard, donned glasses and letting his long hair become even more shaggy - but looking no less shady - and his Krookodile were in the middle of crushing some businessman's Pangoro. They finished the battle with a point-blank Hyper Beam, the business man tearfully recalling his Pokémon while the equally scraggly ref - and it was then that Clemont realized almost everyone else in the crowd looked like trouble - shouted.

"Pangoro is unable to battle; the winner is the hotel owner, Mantle!"

"Since when did Geddy Lee own a hotel?" Bonnie wondered as Mantle sauntered over to the businessman.

"As per our deal, I'll take your Pangoro," he said sinisterly as he snatched the Pokéball out of the man's hand, peering at him from behind his glasses. Ash gaped in shock while the businessman started pleading with mantle between his wheezes.

"I beg of you! Please! Pangoro's been my partner for twenty years!" unfortunately for him, two of Mantle's nearby thugs came and hauled him away.

"They had a bet on the battle..." Clemont muttered sadly. Ash's hand clenched into a fist.

"That's not right!" Bonnie nodded.

"I'm pretty sure it qualifies as racketeering," before Clemont could ask his sister how she knew what racketeering was, Ash bolted off into the ring.

"Hold it!" Mantle and his Krookodile turned to face Ash as he ran up to them with Serena and Bonnie. Ash stopped, took off his hat, combed his hair back, and then pointed an arm out at the man in the green suit. "You can't do that! Give him his Pokémon back now!"

It was then that the two goons from before ran up to Mantle's side.

"Who is this guy?" one asked, teeth bared. The other, heavyset one, put a hand to his chin.

"Yeah, I swear I've seen him somewhere before..." Mantle just shrugged off the commentary.

"Look kid," he began, holding out a hand for emphasis. "The deal is that the loser has to give his Pokémon to the winner."

"Doing that is wrong!" Bonnie nodded.

"And illegal. I'm really surprised no one's reported them yet," Mantle held up a Pokéball.

"Maybe. But a promise is a promise. Now let's talk," he leaned in, a shadow drawing itself across his face. "Pikachu."

Pikachu flinched. "Pika!?"

Mantle nodded. "Yes, you. Lovely weather today, isn't it?"

Pikachu blinked in confusion scratching one of its ears. "Pika?"

"Exactly. You always seem to know what to say," Pikachu smiled sheepishly.

"Pika," Mantle laughed.

"You can say that again," Mantle was about to say something else until one of his goons elbowed him. He blinked and scratched the side of his cheek. "Uh, right. Where were we?"

"You were about to threaten us," Serena offered. Mantle blinked again.

"Oh, that, right. Thanks," he said with a small smile before leaning forwards again, meeting Ash's gaze. "If you beat me, I'll give that trainer his Pangoro back. Of course, if you lose, I get Pikachu."

Mantle then stepped back and put his hands together. "And I'll take you home and love you and feed you and pet you..."

Ash scowled. "No way am I doing that!"

It was then that he noticed that one of Mantle's goons had stepped behind him. "You scared? Cause Mantle'll squish you like an olive."

Bonnie perked up at the word. "Oh, I love olives! They're my favorite fruit!"

Clemont cleared his throat. "Olives are a vegetable, Bonnie."

"It's a fruit!" Bonnie retorted, arms crossed.

"No, I think it's a vegetable," Ash commented.

"Really?" Serena wondered. "I always thought it was a fruit, but if you say something it must be true, Ash."

"That's only because he's too dumb to lie," Bonnie muttered while the debate spun out of hand around her.

"But olives grow on trees, right?" one of the goons said. "And I don't know any vegetables that grow on trees."

"I've heard of an Olive Garden but not an olive tree," another one replied.

"But they're attached to branches!" Bonnie shouted.

"That doesn't make it a fruit, Bonnie," Clemont replied, adjusting his glasses. "It could have come off a vine."

"But that doesn't mean it did, either," one of the goons snapped back.

"Sure, but keep in mind that vegetables-" Clemont began, only for Serena to cut him off.

"But wouldn't it be a vegetable," Serena pursed her lips in thought. "Vegetables don't have pits, so-"

"STOP!" Mantle shouted, nearly pulling out his unruly hair. Everyone turned to face him. "This is a holdup, not a botany lesson!"

"Now," the man growled, and the goons surrounding the four kids suddenly became more menacing. "You don't have a choice! Prepare to-"

It was then that the lid to a nearby trashcan flew into the air and a sudden gust of wind kicked up the litter in the room, sending it in the direction of Mantle and his minions. In the middle of the chaos, Rotom took the chance to shoot out of the trashcan and gesture for Ash and his friends to follow it. Mantle growled as they made their grand escape, the wind somehow not effecting them but still keeping him and his goons pinned.

"Darned Ghost Type pest," the hotel owner muttered. "I knew I should have gave them a call while they were still in business..."

The wind then died down and Mantle saw his chance. "After them!"

Seconds later, two goons were busy scouring one of the hallways.

"Man those kids run fast," one muttered, not even bothering to looking in the storage room with the open door right behind him. Instead, he turned around to his heavyset companion, who was struggling to keep up.

"Hurry up, Mitchell!" his compatriot staggered over to his side through his wheezes.

"I-I'm trying..." he muttered, gasping for air while the more fit of the two took off again. "I didn't even get to finish my orange..."

"Mitchell!" the portly one picked up the pace and pursued the other goon, thorough inspection of the hallway complete, and Ash finally realized he should close the doors to the supply closet.

"Wow, this place is nicer than the lobby," Serena muttered, taking a cursory glance around.

"Thanks, Rotom," Ash said, turning around to face the Pokémon. The Ghost Type gave a quick reply in its language, leaving the four kids confused.

"I wonder what Rotom is saying?" Serena's comment voiced their collective thought. In response, Rotom went into a nearby television through its plug, the device flickering to life. Rotom's face appeared on the screen for a short second before it went to static, apparently rewinding itself despite lacking any sort of DVD or VHS tape.

"It just turned on!" Bonnie exclaimed excitedly.

"Did Rotom do that?" Ash wondered.

"No, Ash, TV's can just turn on by themselves," Clemont replied with a roll of the eyes. Ash's eyes widened.

"Really!? Science is amazing!" the screen then flickered to life with an image of the hotel, attracting the attention of all four again. In the center of the screen, surrounded by a crowd of people, was a man who strangely resembled the bellhop standing atop a platform, Rotom floating around behind him.

"Hello, and thank you all so very much for coming to our hotel's grand opening ceremony!" he said. "I'm Westin, the hotel owner, and I'd like to invite all of you to make free use of our hotel battlefield, which is open to the public."

"Owner, huh?" Ash commented aloud.

"Hey, isn't that the man from the front desk?" Bonnie wondered.

"How does somebody go from being the owner to working the front desk?" Serena asked, putting a hand to her chin. "That doesn't make sense, something's going on."

"What, the racketeering or the fact they tried to kidnap us..." Clemont deadpanned.

"Look!" Ash exclaimed, and their attention returned to the television. The image on it was a much younger-looking Mantle and his two goons pushing their way through the crowd of socialites - who for their part, seemed to be quite happy to maintain a ten foot radius.

"Man, ten years sure haven't been kind to him..." Bonnie muttered.

"Nice place you got here," he said, gazing around at the disturbed guests. "So if it's open to the general public, why don't we have a Pokémon battle? And the winner gets ownership of this place."

"I wish you wouldn't joke like that," Westin replied, hands folded, the pedestal that he had been standing on seconds before having seemingly vanished into thin air.

"You think he's jokin'?" on of Mantle's unnamed goons said, stepping forward menacingly.

"When Mantle says something he means it!" the other piece of cannon fodder said, rolling up a sleeve.

"Now, now, calm down," Mantle replied, pulling his two henchmen back as he leaned forward. "You just told us we're free to engage in Pokémon battles, was that some sort of lie?"

Westin was clearly taken off guard by the question. "N-no, of course not."

"If you're not going to battle me," Mantle began, his eyes drifting over to the people behind them. "I'll just battle your guests and take all their Pokémon instead."

"Whoever filmed this did a really good job with the framing," Serena commented through her handful of popcorn.

"Please don't cause any trouble for my guests!" Westin pleaded.

"What are you going to do, call the cops?" Mantle taunted. "Or maybe you and your Rotom could battle me instead?"

Westin frowned. "So if I win you'll leave my guests alone and go? Is it a deal?"

"Yeah," Mantle said smugly, taking out a Pokéball. "It's a deal. Krookodile!"

Seconds later the Pokémon materialized and roared in Rotom's face, sending the Ghost Type scampering away in terror through an outlet.

"Rotom!" Westin cried out, while Mantle smirked.

"Looks like I win by forfeit," the screen went to static for a second after that, before Rotom's downcast face reappeared on it.

"So that's what happened..." Clemont muttered, Rotom giving a sad nod before the screen went to static again, playing another video. This time it showed Westin, in the uniform of a bellhop, sitting down at a desk when the lamp on it flashed. He shot out of his chair, leaning into the light desperately.

"Rotom! I swear I'm not mad at you! Won't you please come back!?" when there was no answer, Westin slumped down dejectedly. "It's just the voices again..."

The screen gave way to static, and this time Rotom was crying and somehow not shorting out the internal circuitry. Ash frowned. "That's sad. You're upset because you couldn't find the courage to even say sorry to your friend... Right?"

Rotom nodded through the TV screen, while Bonnie turned to her brother. "Hey Clemont, is there anything we can do?"

The Gym Leader frowned. "Sorry Bonnie, but short of having a time machine-"

Clemont cut himself off with a blink. "Hold on, I think my backpack might be able to-"

But before Clemont could unleash whatever horrors where waiting inside that backpack of his, Rotom's face brightened and it jumped out of the TV, motioning for them to follow. Before long, they found themselves in an elevator, and Rotom jumped into the button panel. The four looked up in curiosity as the lights began to flicker, and seconds later the panel expanded in a great burst of multi-colored light, revealing ten buttons each containing a negative number.

"D-Does this hotel really have ten basement floors!?" Clemont asked in horror.

"Uh... I kinda think no," Ash replied, causing Bonnie to gape.

"And now Ash is the voice of reason!?" she start chewing on her nails. "This isn't right..."

"Going back ten years in time!" a mechanical sounding voice spoke over the intercom.

"Who was that!?" Serena cried out.

"Me, Rotom!" Clemont blinked.

"How are you talking to us!?" somehow, all of them got the mental image of the Pokémon rolling his eyes.

"I can turn an elevator into a time machine, is it really that hard to believe I can talk through it?" Bonnie crossed her arms.

"And yet you still ran away..." Rotom apparently didn't her hear comment.

"Now buckle up; because where we're going we don't need elevators!" Clemont blinked and scratched his head.

"But aren't we technically using an eleeevattooor!" and the box they were in took off before Clemont had a chance to finish, travelling through space, time and logic to get to the past. Unfortunately, no one seemed to notice that the one on the negative ten button was actually a four. When the elevator came to a stop and opened its doors, sending all of them crashing to the floor, they were immediately accosted by bright lights and equally flashy clothing everywhere. Everyone screamed in unison.

"Sorry!" Rotom's voice cracked over the intercom, and the doors quickly shut before the elevator shot off again. When they opened this time, Clemont was busy throwing up in a corner, Ash was unconscious, and a crying Bonnie was holding onto Serena for dear life.

"Disco... Bad perms... Everywhere..." she muttered through her tears, while Serena rubbed her arm.

"Sorry about that mishap," Serena looked up at Rotom's voice. "This place used to be a disco club before Westin renovated it. But we should be in the right decade this time."

Everyone shakily filed out of the elevator, and they quickly realized they were on the same ground floor that they have been when they left. Ash turned to the left and saw the doors to the battlefield, quickly bolting off in their direction. And the moment Ash pushed the doors open they were met with a blast from the past; literally. Krookodile was busy roaring as loudly as possible in Rotom's face, the Ghost Type quickly shooting off and fleeing through a nearby outlet to the guest's apathy and Westin's horror.

"Looks like I win by forfeit," the younger Mantle said.

"Hold it!" Ash shouted as he ran up in front of Westin, took off his hat, combed his hair back, and pointed out a finger in Mantle's direction. "You haven't even started your battle yet, so there's no way you could have won be a forfeit! Give us five minutes and we'll bring Rotom back!"

Mantle took a step back and growled, but before he could say anything, the crowd around him finally woke up and started talking.

"Hey that kid is right, isn't he?"

"Yes, I think he is. And while we may outnumber that thug who just threatened us fifty to one, I think he can handle this himself."

"Yeah, you can't just claim victory like that!"

Mantle sighed and nodded. "Yeah, okay, okay. So get Rotom right back here this minute; we'll try this again."

"Come with us, please," Ash said, causing Westin to blink and numb absentmindedly as they left the battlefield. Seconds later Westin found himself in the supply closet with the four trainers, looking over them curiously.

"So, who are all of you?" Bonnie smiled.

"That's not important," Serena nodded.

"We just need you to listen to us," Ash turned towards the television.

"Rotom! You can come out now! This is your chance to make everything right," the Pokémon slowly came out of the television set, shying away slightly as Westin approached.

"It's alright Rotom, I'm just glad you came back," Westin turned back around to face Ash.

"Thank you, whoever you are, but me and Rotom have very little experience when it comes to battling. That's actually why we opened up the battlefield," the man sighed and straighter he cuffs of his suit jacket. "Oh, I knew this was a bad idea. I should have just listened to Marriott..."

Serena blinked. "Who's Marriott?"

"My older brother," Bonnie suddenly became more invested in the conversation.

"You have brothers, Westin?" Westin nodded.

"Yes, four in fact; Marriott, Hilton, Sheraton, and Hampton," Westin blinked and scratched the back of his head. "Eh, who are you all, again?"

"My name's As-" Clemont quickly covered Ash's mouth before he could finish, giving a sheepish grin to the increasingly confused hotel owner.

"Back to the issue at hand; you don't need to worry about the battle. I already have a plan," the Gym Leader's eyes then drifted over to a nearby washing machine.

"Time's almost up..." Mantle muttered as he looked down at his wristwatch, foot tapping against the floor impatiently. Just then the doors to the battlefield burst open, and Westin charged in with Rotom at his side, Ash and company staying a few feet back.

"You came back," Mantle deadpanned. "I thought you gave up."

"I'm here," Westin replied, gesturing to the spot next to him. "I mean I was standing over there originally, but I'm standing here right now, so I think it qualifies. And remember; if I win, you promise to never challenge people who refuse to call the police with shady demands!"

Mantle nodded. "You got it. And if I win, this hotel is mine."

"Agreed."

One of the hotel guests who had nothing better to do than sit back and watch an extortion take place decided to walk up to the edge of the battlefield and play ref. "This will be a one on one battle between Krookodile and Rotom. Begin!"

Rotom and Krookoodile appeared on their sides of the field, staring down each other. Krookdile's claws twitched, nearing ever closer to the imaginary holsters on its hips, while Rotom's plasma-like arms slowly mimicked its opponent.

"Now Rotom, the socket!" Rotom then bolted off and fled through the electrical socket again. Mantle's expression dropped.

"Oh come on! You're just stalling now!" Westin shook his head.

"No; I have a plan."

"Running away? Because the hotel-" before Mantle could finish, a very loud, repetitious 'thud' started to resonate from behind the doors to the hallway.

"Someone shut the fence off in the rain! Run!" before the panic could set into full swing, Rotom, having possessed a washing machine, charged into the room. Mantle turned to one of his goons, who only smiled sheepishly.

"I couldn't help it. It just popped in there."

"Don't forget," Clemont shouted. "Wash Rotom can use Hydro Pump!"

"Use Hydro Pump!" Rotom responded to Westin's command by launching a large torrent of water in Krookodile's direction, that swept it off its feet.

"You said this would be a one on one!" Mantle nearly screamed. Westin only nodded.

"Even if it changes forms, it remains Rotom," steam started coming out of Mantle's ears.

"You little- I'm the villain here! Hyper Beam," Westin hummed as Krookodile unleashed the attack, which crushed through the Washing Machine Rotom had possessed. Westin frowned.

"Plan B, Rotom; the socket!" Rotom zipped into the socket again, reappeared seconds later in the hallway after having possessed a refrigerator, closed the doors, and then burst through them.

"What now!?" Mantle cried out in agony.

"Remember," Clemont shouted to Westin. "Frost Rotom can use Blizzard!"

Westin nodded. "Blizzard, Rotom!"

The doors to the refrigerator Rotom was inhabiting then swung open, sending an icy barrage in Krookodile's direction that froze it solid. The Dark Type broke out of its icy prison at Mantle's shouting, lunging forward and tearing through the metal as Rotom escaped unnoticed.

"Now, Plan C!" Westin shouted, Rotom escaping into the circuitry again. This time Rotom just mowed down the doors as it zipped the lawnmower it had taken over onto the battlefield. Mantle gripped the edges of his hair, eyes going wide.

"Make it stop! Please! The VOICES!" Westin threw an arm out.

"Now Rotom; Leaf Storm!" the tornado of leaves quickly enveloped Krookodile and launched it up into the air, the Pokémon getting knocked out cold before it met the ground. Bonnie pouted as Mantle recalled his Pokémon bitterly.

"Aw, but you didn't get to finish showing off Rotom! I wasn't to see its other forms!" Westin chuckled.

"All right, Rotom; Plan D," Rotom nodded, disappeared, and reappeared in the doorway again, this time in the form of a microwave. One of the spectators, conveniently holding a microphone, stepped up as the battlefield lights dimmed and focused solely on Rotom, the Pokémon beginning to walk up and down the battlefield for all the guests to see.

"And here we can see Rotom sporting a fabulous 1.2 cubic foot Pangorosonic microwave oven, complete with stainless steel finishing and an autocleaning feature that will leave you ready to cook all your meals and opponents with Heat Wave in ten seconds or less," the crowed 'ooed' and clapped in awe as Rotom retreated through the shattered doors and returned in the form of a fan.

"And Rotom goes for the retro with this Heracrossgale Turboforce Air Circulator, complete with a sleek black finish and alternator that will be sure to cool you off and blow away the competition," more applause and cheering followed as Rotom gave a bow and floated away. Seconds later, it reappeared in its normal form besides Westin, the lights over the battlefield turning back on. The referee cleared his throat.

"Krookodile is unable to battle, so the winner is Westin; the hotel owner!"

"Now," Westin began. "Hold up your end of the promise; no more shady demands!"

Mantle smirked. "All right. It doesn't really matter anyways, because we'll just take this place by force. Hey, fellas!"

"That's our cue," one of Mantle's minions muttered as they pulled various pieces of furniture out of hammerspace. The crowd of socialites around them broke out in murmuring.

"Do you think we should do something, dear?"

"No; we've been useless all night and it's worked out pretty well for us, if I do say so myself. Besides, this has been far more entertaining than pranking the butler."

Mantle's goons began advancing towards Westin, but Ash bolted out in front of them before they could get too close. "Thunderbolt, Pikachu!"

The Electric Type attack connected and exploded in a brilliant burst of smoke, leaving Mantle and his two henchmen covered in Ash and lying on the floor.

"Sorry," Mantle choked out. "I've been a bad boy. I'll be good... Mommy..."

He then passed out, and the crowd began cheering as confetti started falling from nowhere.

"They nearly electrocuted them to death!"

"We were completely useless!"

"Waiter, where's my cocktail!?"

"The hotel's saved from a non-enforceable verbal contract!"

"Hooray!" while the crowd became frenzied, Westin turned to face Ash and his friends.

"Thank you so much, whoever you are," he said, shaking Ash's hand vigorously as a nearby cameraman snapped a quick photo. Clemont used the cover of the flash to quickly pull Ash away, and by the time it died down, they were already back in the elevator, headed back to their time.

"Looks like we're back in our own time," Serena sighed out as they slumped out of the elevator. To the right were the doors to the battlefield, just as they left them, though the hallway was noticeably cleaner. Ash raised an eyebrow at seeing three men in bellhop uniforms standing in front of the door.

"Who's that?" Clemont shrugged.

"Let's go take a look!" Bonnie said cheerfully before running forward. They all stopped in shock when they saw it was mantle and his two goons. The former villain gave them a warm smile.

"Good evening, cherished guests, allow me to open-"

"VILLAIN!" Bonnie screamed out while Dedenne jumped out of her purse and began shocking the man. Mantle fell down in a smoky mess, twitching, and coughed out a bit of smoke.

"I was..." he said weakly, before getting back up. "That was ten years ago, when I was a horrid crook. But Mr. Westin saw it in himself to forgive me and my friends and give us jobs here."

Mantle's eyes started to sparkle. "He's a truly wonderful man; generous, forgiving, and the best boss-"

Serena was too busy looking down at her shirt to pay attention, but still felt it important enough to interrupt. "Oh, I have a stain on my blouse. Do you mind if I use the washing machine-"

Mantle's eyes went wide and his head started jerking from side to side. "Washing Machine!? Where!? Where!?"

"Sorry," one of the former goons leaned in. "The boss is a really cool guy, but never mention that, refrigerator or-"

"REFRIGERATOR!?" Mantle screamed. "AHHHH!"

He then spun around and ran straight through the door, leaving a body-shaped hole in his wake. The two remaining bellhops laughed uneasily and pushed the doors to the battlefield open, revealing a dimmed room and a large crowd. Westin was at the center, the only light shining down on him, thanking his guest for attending the hotel's tenth anniversary dinner while Rotom flew around in the background. The Pokémon then noticed the four kids, flew up to them and gestured for them to follow. They all slipped out into the lobby unnoticed.

"Looks like we set things right, huh?" Ash commented, and Rotom nodded before giving a happy reply and gesturing to the picture on the wall.

"Look!" Bonnie exclaimed when she realized it was a picture of Ash shaking Westin's hand on opening night with all of them in the background.

"It's us... We really did travel back in time..." Serena commented, dumbfounded.

"So it wasn't a dream..." Clemont muttered. It was then that Serena blinked, an idea crossing her mind.

"Hey, Ash," the young trainer from Pallet Town blinked.

"Yeah?"

"Since we've left behind evidence of ourselves ten years ago, doesn't that technically make us all twenty?" An awkward silence fell over all of them.

"Wouldn't it be thirty?" Bonnie asked.

"I'm not sure that's how it wo-" Clemont didn't get the chance to finish.

"I guess..." Ash conceded.

"Great!" Serena chirped, slipping her hands into Ash's. "Let's get married!"

"Wait? What!?" Ash cried out in shock, while Bonnie jumped up and down in excitement.

"Oh, can I be your maid of honor?"

"Sure, Bonnie," another thought crossed Serena's mind. "Oh, we have to go dress shopping! Let's go!"

And so, Serena and Bonnie dragged a helpless Ash out of the hotel with a very confused Clemont trudging behind.

**The End**

* * *

Pikachu's eyes shot open and the Pokémon jolted out from where it had been sleeping. It's dark eyes quickly darted around Ash's tent; he was still asleep, no Serena in a sleeping back next to him, and no signs of any other life in the tent.

Pikachu let out a held in sigh. It was all just a bad dream...

The Pokémon's eyes then drifted over to the bottle of ketchup it always kept nearby, and slowly pushed it away with a shudder before crawling back asleep.

**The (Real) End**

* * *

"I thought that was pretty funny, Arcy!" Mew exclaimed, floating up to the Alpha Pokémon as the film was finally brought to its end.

"Yes, well, I suppose your contributions were crucial," Arceus muttered, glancing away for a moment. "And I might have had fun too."

"Really!? That's great!" Mew exclaimed loudly, causing the fur on the back of Arceus' long neck to stick up. She then leaned in, sapphire orbs boring inquisitively into his ruby ones. "You know what this means, right?"

"No," Arceus replied quickly, hoping against hope that would be the end of it. Mew had other plans.

"We should become a travelling sketch comedy troupe!" the Alpha blinked in disbelief while Mew's eyes grew wider.

"I can see it now," the Psychic Type started, paws going up. Arceus floated back a few inches. "We can set up our stage like the Hall, and I'll dress up in a beanie and scarf and come in from the right."

The Normal Type raised a non-existent eyebrow, while Mew furrowed her brow and did her best to scowl in an intimidating manner. When he heard a crude pantomime of his voice escape her lips, Arceus had to wonder for a spilt-second if that was what he looked like. "And you can say 'MORTAL! YOU DARE ENTER MY MORTUARY'-"

"Sanctuary," Arceus corrected with a small role of the eyes.

"SANCTUARY! PREPARE TO FEEL MY WRA-" Mew continued without missing a beat, voice reverting to normal. "And I can say 'Master Ball, go!', and then-"

"The whole audience joins in and tries to capture us. Yes, another brilliant idea, Mew," Arceus muttered, while Mew crossed her arms and pouted. The New Species Pokémon opened her mouth to say something, but Arceus cut her off once more.

"Excuse me, but I think I left the microwave on," Mew's pout turned into a deadpan that eerily mirrored his.

"We don't have a microwave, Arcy. And you can't cook," Arceus blinked.

"Now I really need to get a microwave," the Alpha muttered.

"Well in that case, I think I left a cake out in the rain," Arceus spun around. "Pardon me."

"Left a cake out in the rain?" Mew scratched her head as Arceus sped away. It was only a second after Arceus' frame had disappeared behind the corner that Mew's expression dropped and she crossed her arms. "MacArthur Park... Smooth, Arcy."


	27. Editoral 7 & Comedic Scene 3

"Greetings," Arceus said, "Today, in honor of it's four year anniversary of release in Japan, I would like to do an editorial about a topic I've talked about to the point of ad nauseam; Pokémon Conquest."

The Alpha Pokémon ignored what sounded like pre-recorded groans coming from the hallway, his eyes glancing upwards in nostalgia instead. "Ah, Pokémon Conquest; the wonderfully bizarre strategy-oriented crossover between Pokémon and Koei - often equated as Pokémon meets Fire Emblem - that both captivated and confused most of the people who played it."

The Normal Type's expression shifted into deadpan. "And four years later, it's mostly been forgotten, leaving behind a small cult-following of fans almost devoted as Star Trek's and many more, and less fanatical, fans wishing for a sequel, along with near-universal praise from critics."

"Now, this editorial won't be joining that before-mentioned chorus of previous critics who lauded it - surprising as that may be - but instead examining a more quiet topic deserving of attention," Arceus nodded. "And so, in the spirit of the thin neutrality of the previous assessments, I will instead be examining _why _Pokémon Conquest didn't quite succeed as well as it could have."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why was Pokémon Conquest not that successful?**

* * *

"On paper, it seemed like it would have been a big hit," Arceus glanced down at a few papers scattered on the desk in front of him. "It did have quite a few things going for it; near-universal critical acclaim, beautiful artwork, an interesting premise, deeper strategic and tactical gameplay than the main series, and characters other than the player that use Legendary Pokémon."

The Normal Type looked up and blinked. "Oh, and a Shiny Rayquaza."

"Regardless," Arceus cleared his throat. "There were multiple, more subtle, factors that were running against it and would ultimately prove to be an insurmountable hindrance. So why don't we take a look at them?"

**1: 3DS Being Out**

"This was probably the big one," Arceus began. "While Conquest wasn't doomed to fail from the start, it unfortunately wasn't given much room or opportunity to succeed either. The 3DS had been released the previous year and, even with multiple complaints, gained considerable popularity and already Nintendo was beginning to shift the entirety of their resources away from the DS - the last Pokémon games to come out on the DS, Black and White 2 - would be released only a few months after the North American release of Conquest."

"Had Conquest been released on the 3DS, perhaps it would have garnered more attention," the Normal Type let out a 'hmm'. "Despite having arguably the best artwork ever made in a Pokémon game, it's graphics were otherwise not all that outstanding. And being a sidegame it would not have to build off the graphical structure of a previous game like Black and White 2 had to; had it's release been delayed a year or a half, it could have gone the route of Gates to Infinity and provided updated graphics complete with Pokémon's first foray into 3DS compatibility - not that that would have necessarily improved the game, but it certainly would have garnered more attention."

"And, ultimately, as quite a bit of the attention was on the 3DS - ironically, it was Fire Emblem: Awakening that would be one of the main reasons for the 3DS's rise in popularity - DS games gradually faded into the background. Even Black and White 2 did rather poorly in comparison to their immensely successful successors and predecessors, despite arguably being better than both. And so, even from day one, Conquest had a rather large obstacle to overcome," the Alpha concluded with a solemn nod, eyes closed.

**2: Side Game Effect**

"Ah yes, perhaps an even bigger handicap; the dreaded Side Game Effect," Arceus remarked dryly.

"While everyone knows what the Mystery Dungeon series is; arguably being almost successful as the main games, the rest of the side games Pokémon makes have always been... less than successful," the Normal Type's eyes drifted over to the side. "Perhaps this is best exemplified in the presumably now-defunct Ranger series, which have received a fair deal of criticism from fan and critic alike for both their stories and gameplay; Shadows of Almia focused on the former, while Guardian Signs dealt with the latter, but it never seemed to strike that proper balance the Mystery Dungeon games had."

"Then there were the Orre games, which, while quite good, never really garnered much attention due to a combination of how stark a departure the mechanics were from regular Pokémon games... without really changing anything - as impossible as that might seem - and a lack of advertisement that usually accompanies a side game. And we could talk about many of the other more-forgotten side games that Pokémon has done, most of them being even less than successful for any number of reasons - but they usually boil down to the simple fact that, by inherently being a non-Mystery Dungeon sidegame, it's not going to do as well as it would otherwise."

"To further complicate matters, this was not only a side game but a surprise crossover," Arceus' eyebrows furrowed. "A crossover with a game series, I might add, that most of the western audience would most likely not be familiar with - although, ironically, Conquest can be attributed as causing a resurgence in popularity for said series with that very audience."

"In short, Conquest had two problems inherently working against it; being a DS game when Nintendo was moving onto the 3DS, and being a side game with an unfamiliar crossover, but these would not be the only things working against it," Arceus let out a short sigh. "And so, why don't we take a look at the issues that could have been resolved by Nintendo?"

**3: No Anime Special**

"Ah yes; we all remember the classic Rescue Team and Explorers specials that gave the series a bit of a highlight on the big screen. And then there are the episodes, arcs and even the occasional movie that featured a Pokémon Ranger," The Normal Type's eyes slightly narrowed. "It's also no coincidence that these happen to be the two big side franchises in Pokémon; take a look at the Orre games, that, despite arguably being of higher quality than Ranger, got little more in terms of associated media than a short cameo in the greater magna, and have mostly been forgotten by the greater fanbase."

"Perhaps it's simply because certain fans go crazy every time they see a certain character on screen, or that watching a television show is simply less involved and expensive than playing the media that spawned it, but it's an undeniable fact that almost anything that has an anime will get more attention than something that does not," Arceus rolled his eyes. "And the biggest irony here is that the larger franchises are less in need of an anime special than the smaller ones; after all, practically everyone who's played Pokémon knows what the Mystery Dungeon franchise is, and a good deal have played a ranger game and even more heard of them. As a result, a special for them for the purpose of attracting more attention to them would be rather superfluous. But for the smaller titles, such as Conquest or the Orre games, they would be a vital way of drawing much needed attention."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded. "After all; even four years later there are still a good deal of fans who have never even heard of Pokémon Conquest and an even larger amount who have little or no idea what it was; an anime special, be it a tie in with the regular one like Ranger's or an independent episode like Mystery Dungeon's, would have drawn interest to it from a much larger crowd and undeniably served to have bolster the game's popularity because more people would have known about it and what it was."

**4: No Magna Translation**

"Now, there actually was one piece of media that was made for Pokémon Conquest; a six-chapter, episodic magna, known as Ransei's Color Picture Scroll. And, much like the game it was based off of, was a success in Japan, but was never translated - and only actually attracted attention in the west after a mostly-complete fan translation of it surfaced nearly two years after the fact."

Arceus glanced over to the side. "It's also interesting to note that the magna fails to give any names to the playable characters, meaning the Hero/ine are the only playable characters in Pokémon history without any default name."

He then cleared his throat. "Regardless, the magna - and the guidebook complete with an artbook to a lesser degree - not being translated was another loss to the potential popularity Conquest could have had."

**5: Age Group Indecision**

"Nintendo didn't do itself any favors by not deciding which audience it wanted to appeal to," Arceus said with a resigned nod. "And, ultimately, I think it went with trying to make it simple enough for kids to enjoy and understand, but complex and engaging enough that older players could still appreciate it."

"That's not to say they didn't accomplish that goal - they did, and I think quite well - but unfortunately they misread their potential audience," the Normal Type made a motion akin to shrugging. "After all, the majority of the audience they did attract was primarily older than the one they had in mind, and while most could enjoy the character and depth already in the game, there were still many complaints that it was too easy or otherwise simple on some parts, and they would be right in that respect."

"Ultimately, had Pokémon catered to the older crowd over the younger one when designing Conquest, it probably would have left a much larger impression and gathered more attention - as out of all the games Pokémon has made, Conquest probably had the most untapped potential given its nature, and unfortunately it looks like it will stay that way. But by trying to walk the middle ground, Conquest failed to make that decidedly exceptional first impression that any side game series would have to make to be successful."

**6: One Move Per 'Mon**

"This plays into the above, I suppose," Arceus commented reservedly. "While this isn't inherently bad - it's good from a game perspective, actually, as it forces you to think about your army composition and where you move your Pokémon - unfortunately, the notion of limiting a Pokémon to only one move caused many people to break out in hives."

* * *

Mew was furiously hammering away at the buttons of a cardboard cut out made to look like a 3DS when she stopped, eyes bulging and mouth going agape.

"One move!?" she cried out in shock, dropping the prop as she took a sharp breath and clutched her chest. "But my Lv. 100 Shiny Lucario with max EVs should be able to know _more _than four moves, not less! Even if I'll only just spam two of them..."

The Psychic Type's eyes then rolled into the back of her head and she fainted with an audible sigh.

* * *

"Right..." Arceus said slowly. "Regardless of the benefits of it - and, admittedly, the move cap probably would have been better at two instead of one so Munna and Musharna wouldn't be dependent on one another, amongst other things - the idea of only being able to use one move discouraged many people from actually experiencing the game and it's unique battles and challenges beyond that simple glance."

**7: General Confusion**

"Another thing that did Nintendo no favors was their own indecision about Ransei itself," the Normal Type said with a small nod. "Is it medieval, or is it modern? Why are there so many kingdoms? Where did the legend come from? What is the extent of character x's relationship with character y? How, exactly, do links work? Why is x Pokémon here but not y? Where is Ransei in relation to the rest of the Pokémon world? And so on and so forth."

"When you have Ieyasu dressed in a full suit of armor but commanding a castle that behaves more like a factory - complete with fully operational cranes, security cameras and a blimp service - it's needless to say you'll end up with more than a few people remarking that it's confusing," Arceus deadpanned.

"This could have, of course, been resolved with more dialogue and events - what does exist at the start and end of every character's story does hint or otherwise imply many things, though it's still rather scarce - but the lack of it certainly was another blow to those interested in it; as it's generally not a good idea to force your audience to make sense of the world they're playing in because you haven't."

"And so, in conclusion," the Alpha Pokémon began with a sigh. "Pokémon Conquest was an incredible side game that had arguably the largest amount of potential since the original Mystery Dungeon games debuted, but was sadly not given much opportunity to make use of it. Still, even for its few shortcomings, it was overall a very good game that is sadly, more often than not, overlooked by the fandom as a whole."

Arceus blinked as he turned away. "Hm. Rather short. I was under the impression that there would be something el-"

And then light filled the room.

* * *

"_Must_ I do this?" Arceus asked with a drawn-out sigh, wishing he could take the off eye patch that the New Species Pokémon had put on him. Mew, floating underneath him, only crossed her stubby arms and leaned in, eyes narrowing menacingly.

"I wore a _powdered wig _for you, Arcy!" Arceus took advantage of the eye patch to roll his eyes while Mew straightened. "Hold on, there's still something missing..."

The Psychic Type produced a notepad, quickly drew a heart with an arrow through it, and ripped out the piece of paper and taped it on the side of one of Arceus' hooves with a dopey smile. "There! Now, the sooner-"

Arceus just sighed and hung his head in shame. "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are you?"

"How tough am I?" Mew replied indignantly. "I played Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky!"

Arceus' eye narrowed. "Yeah, so?"

"Without any tears!"

"R-Right this way, ma'am..." the Alpha stuttered before floating aside. The two then floated off-screen, but not before Arceus' eye flashed, causing a banner to materialize from nowhere.

**Coming eventually; our review of Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon**

* * *

**Note from the Author:**

I remember first seeing the commercial for Pokémon Conquest back in the summer of 2012 when I was still a kid and, while still not having a firm idea of what it was exactly, wanting to get it immediately afterwards. Pokémon? With a more tactical/strategic element in a vaguely medieval setting? _And _a Shiny Rayquaza!? Must... get...

Needless to say, I'm just a wee bit disappointed it didn't attract that much attention.


	28. Editorial 8

"Greetings, and welcome back to Arceus the Critic; the review show that's slowly transforming into a talk show," Arceus chuckled lightly while Mew, standing behind a familiar projector aimed at a familiar canvas, only sighed.

"You have a point there, Arcy..."

"Now, in all fairness," Arceus began, turning to the canvas. "Seeing as how we've retconned one of our editorials-"

"Is it really a retcon if you actual acknowledge it, Arcy?" Arceus rolled his eyes at Mew's disinterested comment.

"Very well, I suppose I've simply disowned it-"

"Like Giratina?" the Alpha shot the Psychic Type a look that immediately caused her to go quiet, and he turned back to the front.

"I've decided to whip up this little number before our next review, also in the style of WatchMojo. And so, without further ado, I give you:"

* * *

**Arceus the Critic**

**Top Eleven Best Moments in Pokémon History**

* * *

"Why eleven if I'm doing this in a top ten format?" Arceus mused, glancing upwards. "Well, I've come this far by being a rip-off of Keldeo, so I don't see any reason to stop now."

Mew face-pawed, and the Normal Type cleared his throat.

"We all remember those particular moments in the games that truly stand out to us as truly exceptional," Arceus sighed nostalgically. "They're the moments that remind us why we like a game so much, the ones that leave a truly lasting and memorable impact on us. Whether if it's making us fall in love with a certain period or setting, or giving a character a certain measure of immortality in our minds, they are the times that transcend their particular console and will always be beloved by fans."

Arceus nodded. "And so, let's take a look at the best of them."

**Number 11: **_Pokémon X and Y - Duel With Korrina_

"Ah yes; Korrina," Arceus hummed as a picture of the Tower of Mastery appeared next him. "Everyone's favorite Kalosian Gym Leader and the only one who got any substantial development."

"Mega Evolution was one of the main selling points of Pokémon X and Y and one of Generation VI's greatest changes;" the picture behind Arceus switched to one of Mega Lucario. "And so it would be natural that X and Y's story would have to cover it."

"And the Mega Evolution Arc, both in the game and the anime, was undeniably one of Kalos' highlights. Between Korrina's energetic personality and refreshingly large amount of development, the unfolding backstory around Mega Evolution, and the display of its incredible power, it's needless to say that certain stretch of X and Y was arguably the most engaging part of the game outside of the conflicts with Team Plasma or Looker's arc," the Alpha Pokémon nodded. "And, while those arguably had more of an impact on the plot, the culmination of this certain storyline undeniably had large impact on the entire mythos."

"In a way, this battle at the top of the Tower of Mastery was like facing the champion for the first time or picking out your first Pokémon; it was the first time you are presented with a Mega Evolution battle," Arceus glanced down. "And a duel between Mega Lucarios fought against a memorable character who had both more character development and strength than half your rivals, at that. Needless to say, it was a truly momentous occasion that the game had been building up to for a while, and - being as Team Flare had not yet established themselves as a credible threat - was most likely one of the main reasons you wanted to keep playing X and Y."

The Normal Type nodded. "Indeed, the first Mega Evolution battle lived up to its buildup, and cemented itself as one of the most memorable moments in Pokémon history, and as, probably, of the best moment of X and Y."

**Number 10: **_Pokémon Conquest - Meeting Motonari_

"Pokémon Conquest had many memorable characters," Arceus tilted his head towards the canvas and the image was replaced with one of Greenleaf's castle. "And, overall, it did a pretty good job of doing more with less. Dialogue was not as common or available as in the main Pokémon games, but more was usually conveyed with what conversations there were than in the main games."

The Alpha Pokémon glanced upwards. "And, I would say that both aspects are best displayed when you reach Greenleaf in the main story. As you are the Warlord of Aurora - the Normal Type Kingdom in Ransei - and had just conquered the Ignis - the Fire Type Kingdom, if the name was any indication - the game subtly encourages you to go to Greenleaf next. And it's upon arriving that the character of the game truly begins to shine. Oichi warns you that the upcoming battles are only going to get more difficult, so you arrive at Greenleaf with the expectation of meeting someone who's going to fight you tooth and nail."

The tips of Arceus' head tilted upwards slightly. "And what we get instead is a tired bookworm willing to just hand over the kingdom to you so he can retire and devote more time to studying Pokémon."

Arceus nodded. "And while that would seem like a letdown at first, Motonari's retainers rush to the rescue... by literally begging him to stay and fight, saying they'd be completely lost without him. Which then turns into a rather... _interesting _battle where Motonari explains capture the flag battles and battlefield hazards and other traps by using them against your army and then encouraging you to do the same. Not that he makes it easy for you to do. And, once you win, Motonari hands you the keys to the castle with a small smile and walks away, while his retainers break down."

The Normal Type chuckled. "And that's really it. What was so exceptional, though, was how much it managed to convey about a single character over the short span of a few scenes."

The picture next to Arceus changed to one of Motonari. "He already mentions youthful energy being necessary to survive in this war-torn world when you first meet him, and combined with the fact that he's only fighting to not disappoint the people relying on him, you have to really wonder what all he's seen in his life. But, we really see how he wants to teach a new generation by both setting an example to his retainers - indeed, the entire battle was for their sakes, and it can be construed he might have been holding back - _and_ trying to show your character the ropes while still having that sense of duty and hasn't given up just yet."

"If only for showing what it was capable of in working with so little, and introducing such a memorable character with it, first coming to Greenleaf was definitely one of the best moments in Pokémon history," Arceus said with a small nod. Mew just muttered "favoritism" and began shifting through the slides on the cart.

**Number 9: **_Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire - Ascending Sky Pillar_

"Whether or not you liked Zinnia," the picture next to Arceus was replaced. "It's undeniable she left quite the impression as a character."

"Her arc was the equivalent of a nod to Pokémon Emerald," Arceus looked over at the canvas to see 'Platinum Arc' splayed across it, and then shot a look at Mew, who only smiled sheepishly and replaced the picture with one of Sky Pillar. "And it was one that was really built up to. We got a small hint back in the Petalburg Woods to keep an eye on her character, but it's after winning the Pokémon League that her story truly begins to come into play."

The Normal Type nodded. "And quite the story it is. While I won't give to much away for those who have yet to play it, what I will say is that the buildup to it was very well done. On one hand, you don't know if you should trust Zinnia, given recent events, and, ultimately, her plan seems like a pretty big risk, and on the other you know that you have to do something - and it's not like Steven's plan isn't a risk in of itself, especially given what Zinnia had just revealed. And then you go to rendezvous with her at Sky Pillar."

"To open up the final chapter of this Arc," Arceus hummed. "We're met with a straight up battle with Wallace, which in case if his dialogue is not enough, is a pretty strong reminder to you that this is serious. And then upon defeating him and a few words of wisdom, we proceed into the tower proper where we're met with the character that had been behind everything."

Mew rolled her eyes and switched out the picture with a caption that read 'Spoilers', while Arceus continued on blissfully. "And afterwards we're lead through the crumbling ruins of Sky Pillar as Zinnia regales us quite the tale; starting from more recent history and gradually getting older and older as we continue to ascend, until she finally traces back the problem to its millennia-old source right before we face it - and with every event she relays you know that the danger is only getting closer, and the organ in the background only makes it all the better. And the next events are both a whirlwind and race against time as you have to save the world again."

"For how well the game built up to the final confrontation and the battles that followed it, and how it truly gave you that feeling of urgency, I'd say that climbing through Sky Pillar was definitely one of the most memorable experiences in a Pokémon game."

**Number 8: **_Pokémon Colosseum - Wes' Introduction_

"Most people have probably not played Pokémon Colossuem," Arceus began, while Mew switched out the slide to one of Wes and Rui. "So, naturally, many might find it curious why I would put the opening scene of an otherwise forgotten game as one of the most memorable moments in Pokémon history."

"Well," Arceus chuckled. "If you watch the opening cinematic, you'll instantly understand; Wes is not your ordinary hero. In fact, Wes was the first time Pokémon had used an anti-hero; the game opens up with Wes stealing the snag device - a machine that allows the user to modify Pokéballs so they can steal already captured Pokémon - from his former employers - Team Snagem themselves, in which he was apparently one of the most skilled members - then making his getaway in his high-tech motorcycle with his Umbreon and Espeon - your starting Pokémon - and then blowing up their base via remote control."

The Normal Type nodded. "Needless to say, it's quite the spectacle. And aside from the obvious bang Wes is introduced with, what make it so outstanding is that this was not only the first time Pokémon tried to create an Anti-Hero, but right off the bat they did a good job of it. Wes was definitely a character to remember, even for those who have only seen his entrance."

**Number 7: **_Pokémon Emerald - Rayquaza Intervenes_

"For those of us who played Pokémon Emerald - undeniably one of the best Pokémon games ever made - we all remember that short cutscene of Rayquaza racing to the rescue and then descending upon Sootopolis to the stop Ground and Kyogre with the sound of an eight track organ playing in the background," the picture next to Arceus switched to one of the Weather Trio. "And that particular confrontation had lived up to everything we had expected; both Magma and Aqua's plans had succeeded and the world was nearing apocalypse by weather. Both Teams, finally understanding the true consequences of their actions, tried to undo their actions through the same methods they carried out their plans, only to no avail. Something greater was needed."

The Normal Type nodded. "And enter one of the most iconic Legendary Pokémon of all time. Rayquaza had been built up as the only way out; the world's only chance at salvation. And you were the only one who could climb up through the crumbling ruins of Sky Pillar to get it to act - and, naturally, it's much easier said than done."

"But what truly made this particular scene stand out in the Pokémon ethos was that it truly showed what Legendary Pokémon were capable of," the Alpha Pokémon glanced up. "Back in Gen I, Legendary Pokémon weren't all that Legendary. Mewtwo was the most powerful of them all, but beyond that we really had no idea what any of the five legendary Pokémon then really did or were capable of doing. Gen II somewhat remedied this by actually creating some Mythos for Pokémon; the backstory behind the Brass and Bell Towers, Lugia and Ho-Oh's roles, and of course the pursuit of Suicune in Crystal. But we still never actually got to _see _the Legendary Pokémon do much of anything besides performing a few disappearing acts. Ruby and Sapphire further expanded on that by actually showing what a Legendary Pokémon was truly capable of, but it was isolated, singular, and undone by a ten year old trainer. Emerald changed all that."

"With this scene in Emerald, we actually see Legendary Pokémon at their full capabilities," the picture next to Arceus switched to a still of the cutscene. "No longer were Legendary Pokémon nothing more than unusually powerful and rare Pokemon distantly capable of wreaking great destruction and entirely disconnected when they did; here we not only further saw an improvement over Sapphire and Ruby by not only seeing the full grasp of Kyogre and Groundon's powers clashing against each other, but we also saw how Rayquaza balanced them out and intervened. This was more than just a display of Legendary Pokémon being Legendary Pokémon; this was a display of Legendary Pokémon being Legendary Pokémon _against _other Legendary Pokémon. We saw the mythos act out before us, and through it we were able to establish Legendary Pokémon as all being a part of a greater dynamic, each affecting the other and everything around them."

The Alpha Pokémon cleared his throat uneasily. "In short, this little scene is responsible for creating the current formula for how Legendary Pokémon are made and act - essentially, it actually made Legendary Pokémon truly legendary instead of just powerful and otherwise elusive, and that is why it is such a monumental point in Pokémon's history."

**Number 6: **_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky - Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow_

"We all knew this was going to be somewhere on the list," Arceus deadpanned, while Mew changed the slide to one of PMD Grovyle and Dusknoir. "It's not as if I could ignore one of the greatest and saddest moments in Pokémon - it is arguably what made the Explorers games stand out so much. It had already become an established fact that the Mystery Dungeon games had surpassed the main games in terms of storytelling with only their first addition - warts and all - and Explorers only built up on that tradition."

"And the Explorers games - Sky, in particular, due to the Special Episodes - would present what was arguably the height of, and undeniably one of the best in terms of, storytelling in Pokémon. And one of the reasons the story was so good in Explorers was because it made you understand the actual costs and gravity of the situation at hand without making it feel forced or out of place. In Rescue Team, there was no real villain, but you were still met with the stark reality of the situation multiple times. But what made that different, though, was that only you were the one to truly suffer for it. As the only reason you were within that world to begin with was to stop its destruction, and the meteor had no grand plot that entangled everyone around you, naturally, it would make sense you would be the only one to be sacrificed in stopping it."

Arceus glanced over to the side. "That's not to say the situation wasn't dire - indeed, we all know what would have happened had the meteor landed - but no one else's sacrifice was required, either. Explorers changed that. We not only saw multiple Pokémon willing to sacrifice their lives to save the world, we actually saw them do just that. That was one of the reasons why Grovyle was such an incredible character and has so easily cemented his place within the minds of the fans; for all his cockiness, for everything he had to live for - every skill and talent he possessed, and for all his knowledge - he was self-sacrificing above all else."

"He understood the reality of what he was trying to do - everyone did. And even for that, he still tried to enjoy what little life he had left. Even as he neared his impending doom with every step he took, he was still _alive_, and that was what made his loss all the more stinging and tragic. In many ways, it was like staring down a train; you already knew what the inevitable outcome would be, but that made it no less terrifying or any more comforting. And that loss was what truly gave so much weight and credence to Explorer's story; this was a indeed a literal race against time, and no matter how hard you fought there were going to be losses."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded. "For both being the first time Pokémon killed off a major character - not to mention doing it so masterfully - and for being one of the most important moments in such a memorable story, Grovyle's sacrifice so you could proceed onto Temporal Tower is truly one of the most moving and memorable moments in Pokémon."

**Number 5:** _Pokémon Black and White - Storming Team Plasma's Castle_

"Ah, yes, Team Plasma's Castle," Arceus gave a nod in Mew's direction, and the image next to him was replaced with one of the League surrounded by the massive structure. "This was where things got truly serious. Alder - the Champion himself - wasn't enough to stop N and the Legendary Pokémon that acknowledged him. To stop the ascent of a hero, another was needed."

The Alpha Pokémon titled his head to the side. "But that didn't mean your character had to go at it alone. In previous games, the only characters that would assist you against the villainous Teams were your Rival and the Champion - a tradition started in Generation II. Generation IV extended it to other side characters such as the regional Professor, other rivals you might have had, and even niche characters such as Looker, Riley or even Gym Leaders on occasion. But what happened in Black and White truly stood out; the entire region rallied behind you to oppose Team Plasma. The lines had been drawn, boundaries had been crossed, and the battle of the ages was about it begin."

The picture next to Arceus was replaced with one of the BW Gym Leaders. "This particular part of the games perhaps best sums up the dichotomy that was BW's Gym Leaders; you can't even battle them after the main story, but they play a decidedly crucial role in it. And it was during this moment that the Gym Leaders truly shined. While Generation IV saw an increased emphasis on the roles and personalities of the Gym Leaders - we all remember Maylene, and even Gardenia, Roark and Crasher Wake played important roles during the story - it was not until Generation V that we were allotted with an entire cast of fleshed-out Gym Leaders."

Mew rolled her eyes and replaced the image on the canvas with one of the Striaton Trio. Arceus sighed. "Well, with one notable exception. Regardless, this flight of the Gym Leaders was arguably what brought their character to its height; we already saw at multiple points how most of them had lives outside of their duties, and that they were actively interested in the wellbeing of their homes, and them being the ones to storm Team Plasma's Castle and take on the Sages truly brought that full circle. For showing us what the Gym Leaders were truly capable of, even if we never got to get a glimpse of it afterwards, this was definitely one of Pokémon's best moments."

**Number 4: **_Pokémon Platinum - Apocalypse at Mt. Coronet_

"If Emerald showed us for the first time what Legendary Pokémon were truly capable of, Platinum showed us for the first time the true extent what villainous teams were truly capable of," Mew rolled her eyes and put a slide of Giovanni in the projector. Arceus simply sighed. "Giovanni has a lot going for him, but most of it is related to nostalgia, the anime, and his dualistic nature. He's no Cyrus."

The picture next to Arceus shifted to one of Team Galactic. "Before Galactic and Cyrus, there had not been a villain the likes of him; all of them had either simply been in it for the money, misguided or otherwise redeemable, and in a few rare instances, lacked a will of their own. In many ways, Cyrus was the first truly evil villain Pokémon created; manipulative, calculating, ambitious, utterly ruthless, incorruptible, implacable, and perhaps even a bit insane. His goal demanded all of these, and those who followed him, though certainly unable to hold a candle to his level of competence, were utterly loyal and more than a threat. And they were; they were not some forgettable, disconnected footnote in your journey or well-meaning idealists that failed to give you a true sense of urgency, but were a true danger that you knew you had to stop no matter what and played an active role in the story. In fact, it could be said that this formula - the 'Galactic Model', if you will - was so successful it served as the basic outline for practically every villainous organization in Pokémon to follow; be it the arguably more villainous Plasma, to less developed and threatening groups such as Munna's gang."

The Alpha Pokémon nodded. "But we've already gone over Galactic and Cyrus plenty of times, and they were only one part of what made Mt. Coronet so memorable. Part of it was Mt. Coronet itself; we knew the importance of it. Back in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, we didn't know the importance of Sootopolis City beforehand, or even the story behind Ground, Kyogre and Rayquaza. Telling Wallace to go to Sky Pillar and ask for Rayquaza's help was more of an educated guess than anything else because we only had sparse knowledge of Hoenn's mythology. Sinnoh was different; out of all the regions in Pokémon, Sinnoh was the one the most steeped in Legends and mythical Pokémon - we already knew that Mt. Coronet and Spear Pillar were something of a Mt. Olympus, and we were given an understand of all the Legendary Pokémon's roles beforehand - except Giratina, who rightfully remained an enigma until the appointed time."

"It was because of the importance of the location - and, more importantly, that we knew of its importance - that we further understood the gravity of the situation at hand. This was not only Galactic's last stand, this was Cyrus' endgame; even carving a path straight through their base and liberating the Lake Trio was not enough to stop him, you would have to stop him from destroying the world where it all began. Not only that, but it was further reinforced by Looker, Barry, Cynthia and the Lake Trio all coming to aid you in overcoming Galactic in the darkest hour - and this was also a first in terms of other characters coming to aid you in the final confrontation with the region's villainous team. Again, this formula was successful enough that it would be used as a basic outline for many games to follow."

"But if everything coming together in Spear Pillar wasn't enough, Giratina comes in with one of the most spectacular and downright terrifying entrances ever made in a Pokémon game, pulls Cyrus into the Distortion World and threatens to destroy everything in the process. And only after having to traverse the Distortion World, which looks like something straight out of an M. C. Escher painting - and is probably what Cyrus' dream world end up being like, anyways - do you get to defeat Cyrus and stop Giratina's rampage."

Arceus let out a pent-up breath. "Yes; though not the first time Pokémon had attempted to do an apocalypse scenario, your showdown with Galactic in Spear Pillar and the Distortion World was both one of the best they have ever done, and was what arguably created the basic formula for most of the ones to follow. It was a race against time to save the world, one that you were undeniably invested in, but not fast enough that you couldn't appreciate every turn, development and moment thrown your way."

**Number 3: **_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky - I Don't Want to Say Goodbye_

"I bet a lot of you are surprised this one only came in at third," Arceus commented with a small nod. "The ending to Explorers' main story has everything running for it, after all; it's beyond emotional, brings everything together, and truly makes the story shine. It's undeniably one of the most memorable moments in Pokémon history that you truly have to experience firsthand to fully appreciate."

Mew blinked blankly and slowly raised her paws. Arceus tilted his head to the side. "What's there more to say? We've already covered this sequence in the past multiple times, and quite frankly it just speaks for itself; it's that good. Right, onward to number two."

**Number 2: **_Pokémon Diamond, Pearl and Platinum - Professor Rowan V.S Team Galactic_

"This is also arguably the funniest moment in Pokémon history," the Normal Type said with a quick nod, while Mew replaced the slide with one of Professor Rowan. "After you win your first badge in Oreburgh, your next destination is distant Eterna City - but to get there, you'll have to go back into Jubilife and head northwards."

Something resembling a small smile twisted itself onto Arceus' face. "And that's when we run across Professor Rowan and Dawn/Lucas, who are being accosted by two Team Galactic grunts, which is also coincidentally your first encounter with them. However, Professor Rowan doesn't seem all that intimidated by the two thugs demanding his research and threatening to harm him and his assistant if he doesn't comply. In fact, he's more interested in how your Pokédex is progressing and your acquisition of the Oreburgh gym badge - and ignores the grunts outright."

Mew snickered and Arceus continued. "The Galactic Grunts don't like being ignored, and when they try to threaten Professor Rowan again, he not only tells them to can it, but he gives them the 'You suck' speech:"

_(Professor Rowan: Quiet, you lot! Why must you be such a nuisance? Let me list some lessons you still need to learn. #1: Don't loiter about for no good reason. #2: Don't interrupt others while they are attempting to converse. #3: If you don't get your way, don't raise your voice to be intimidating. #4: Don't think you've grown strong just because you're in a group. #5: What is with those outlandish outfits you have on? My goodness... You call yourselves adults? You kids, don't grow up to be like these sorry specimens.)_

Arceus looked up from his quiet chuckling. "And if that isn't enough, Rowan's decided they're not even worth the energy in swatting away when the grunts scream out and finally try to act out their threats, and promptly orders two ten year old kids to 'give these thugs a lesson in civility'".

The Alpha Pokémon nodded. "And in that one short scene, Professor Rowan suddenly had gained more development and character than all of his predecessors had across their entire games, and made one of the most hilarious moments in Pokémon to boot. For both showing what Pokémon Professors were actually capable of, by ironically _not _showing it, and giving us arguably the greatest Pokémon Professor ever concocted, this short little scene on the skirts of Jubilife is undeniably one of Pokémon's best."

"And before moving onto the painfully obvious number one, why don't we take a look at the honorable mentions?"

**Honorable Mentions:**

_Pokémon Diamond, Pearl and Platinum - Visiting Lake Verity_

"Make Gen IV popular again, Arcy..." Mew muttered as she switched out the slides yet again. Arceus just rolled his eyes.

"Now, typically, the general formula for starting a Pokémon game was making your character, meeting the regional professor, being tasked with something and handed your Pokémon before setting out into the wide, open world. Hoenn changed it a bit, but it wasn't until Diamond and Pearl came out that we were met with something different; there was no Professor in your quaint little town, and instead your journey starts off almost by accident; Barry barges into your room and you two decide to try to go catch the Pokémon fabled to be living in Lake Verity, only to run into Professor Rowan by coincidence. And even then, you can't start your journey until you go explain the situation to him, and over the course of it you get to run through quite a bit of character development with Barry, said Professor, Dawn/Lucas and even some of Twinleaf's inhabitants."

Arceus nodded. "Platinum differentiates somewhat; instead, you run into Professor Rowan by accident when on your way to visit him, and instead he entrusts you and Barry with your first Pokémon to find out if you're actually worthy of having one. And instead, when you and Barry go to visit Lake Verity, you run into none other than Cyrus - this would also begin the tradition of having an early run-in with the regional villain instead of just having them appear out of thin air at some point in the game, such as Giovanni, Archer and Maxie/Archie all did. And, regardless of which copy you played, the deviation on the traditional formula established signaled that Sinnoh wouldn't be the same in terms of character and development - and neither would Pokémon itself since then."

_Pokémon Platinum - Looker Saves the Day_

"The police _do _exist in Pokémon!" Arceus suddenly shouted to no one in particular. "I told you they weren't just a myth!"

Mew blinked in confusion and Arceus cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Ah, yes. Well, while Looker had previously done many things in Platinum, this was undeniably his best moment; actually stepping in to save the day by literally appearing out of nowhere and snatching away the Magma Stone before Charon could carry out his plans, as you were a bit too late to the party. If only for showing that there was a competent police organization in Pokémon, and that people aside from ten year olds, Gym Leaders, Champions and a certain elderly Professor could foil villainous teams, Looker saving the day on Mt. Stark was one of the more entertaining and surprising moments in Pokémon."

_Pokémon X and Y - Lysandre's Last Stand_

"Lysandre was more tragic than anything else," the Normal Type commented quietly. "He had some of Cyrus' nihilism and Ghestis' manipulative touch, but he wasn't evil per se - simply so disillusioned with humanity after everything he tried to make a better world failed that he became convinced the only way to do it was to hit the reset button via ancient cannon."

"Overall, he was Pokémon's first true attempt at an anti-villain. And, for the most part, they succeeded; Lysandre had enough development that you could both sympathize with him to such a degree and that he was, outside of his maniacal plans, an otherwise enjoyable character - he liked your character as well, if his discreet attempt to recruit you for Team Flare multiple times were any indication - and you probably wanted him to take the opportunity extended to abandon his plans and redeem himself. And perhaps that's what made him firing off the canon in desperation all the more a tragic and memorable end."

_Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky - To a Better Future_

"As whole, the Special Episodes to Sky were all enjoyable, but with the exception of Wigglytuff's, none of them quite stood out. That is except, quite obviously, Grovyle's. We all wanted to know what happened to him after his sacrifice, and this Special Episode lives up to everything we wanted out of it and then some. And the ending of it was almost as tear-jerking and heartfelt as your own back in the future."

_Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon - Arceus Rallies the Legendaries_

"While Super has more than a few problems with it - even this scene, oddly enough - it's truly memorable because it's one of the few times I actually do something."

Mew muttered 'egotism', and Arceus rolled his eyes. "No, Mew, _this _is egotism;"

* * *

Arceus was floating up and down one of the hallways in the Hall, mumbling underneath his non-existent breath.

"I need to make a new region for that upcoming game, but what to base it off of..." the Alpha lifted his head up. "Perhaps France? No... that wouldn't fit the setting quite right. Besides, we'd probably have to drop the southern half of it for the sake of a silly stylization. Chugoku, maybe? No, that would stick out like a sore thumb - literally."

Arceus groaned and spun around to face the mirror spanning across the wall. "What to-"

It was at that point that he looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror. Arceus let out a 'hm' and raised a nonexistent eyebrow as he began to look over his reflection, before turning sideways.

_Two Days Later..._

"Coming to a store near you!" the voice on Mew's television announced as the commercial winded down. "Pokémon Conquest!"

The screen then displayed an image of Ransei, and Mew spun around, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Arcy!"

* * *

The New Species Pokémon muttered something under her breath, while Arceus carried on. "Yes, the only other time I actually did anything significant was in Grovyle's Special Episode, and my debut movie in which I tried to destroy the world. Needless to say, me not only actually doing something, but actually exercising my powers to do it, excited many people; not only are the Legendary Pokémon actively involved in trying to save the world, but they're going to do it in an organized and concerted effort that truly hits home that this is a serious situation."

_Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver - Young Silver and Giovanni_

"As a whole, HeartGold and SoulSilver carried over Gold and Silver's issues of a relatively disconnected story and plot rather than refining them," the Normal Type said cautiously. "But one thing it did do exceptionally well was a short little scene triggered by getting the event Celebi, in which you see Giovanni bidding a young Silver farewell - something that obviously wasn't in the previous games. With it, it gave Giovanni not only much needed character development, but also delivered a truly sad story and added a whole new dimension to Silver's character that made you both appreciate his character development even more, and answered quite a few questions about the two year gap."

_Pokémon Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, FireRed and LeafGreen - Showdown With Blue_

"While Cynthia and Steven were definitely the height of Champions, Blue and your final battle with him, will always hold a certain place in certain fans hearts, that is admittedly rightfully deserved," Arceus said quickly before glancing to the side.

"Now, for something completely different."

**Number 1: **_Pokémon Black and White - Throne Room Confrontation_

"We all saw this one coming," Arceus deadpanned, before glancing up. "But, then again, how could I not put this at number one?"

"Pokémon Black and White attempted to complety change the formula of Pokémon games by hitting the reset button - and while we've discussed the finer points of it in the past, the thing that was changed the most was, without question, the endgame. There was no climatic battle against the Champion and entrance into the Hall of Fame; instead, you got to witness Alder fall, had to stop N and Team Plasma from taking over Unova, awaken your Legendary Pokémon - and then for a first in Pokémon's history - battle your rival who also had the opposing Legendary Pokémon before defeating the mastermind controlling him and saving Unova."

"Everything was building up to this confrontation; after N got Zekrom, everyone knew that there was a good chance Team Plasma would be able to carry out their plans. Obviously, no one wanted it to come to it, but should that come to pass, you were given the Light Stone and commanded to prove yourself worthy of it by defeating the League. And after one grueling task after another, everyone's worst fear is realized and you are the only thing left keeping Team Plasma from completely dominating Unova - and you know what comes next."

The picture next to Arceus was replaced with one of N's Throne Room. "This is the climatic final battle; Truth vs Ideals, and Unova hanging in the balance. Everything relies on your conviction being stronger than N's - and it's hard to enter into such, given that N is not really a villain. You've seen him grow during your travels, consider his beliefs - and he's even made you and your friends consider your own. The lines are not so black and white, and now they have to be, regardless of any sentiments on either side. And what better way to open this showdown of the ages with the awakening of one of the most powerful Pokémon in history and then a duel between it and its counterpart?"

"And if that wasn't enough, there's still the final end to be tied up; Ghestis, and the true plot behind Plasma's ideals. And with his thundering introduction and revelation that easily contests Cyrus' grand revelation, we're ushered into one of the most difficult battles in Pokémon's history against one of its greatest monsters. Only after having your conviction put through the flames by N and then being thoroughly shocked by Ghestis is Unova finally safe, and the game ends in one of the most memorable ways possible."

Arceus cleared his throat. "In short; regardless of whether or not you liked Pokémon Black and White, one thing is undeniable; its story was good, and out of everything in it, you probably remembered its ending above all else, for both a combination of that, its innovativeness, and the difficulty of the battles."

Mew powered down the projector and Arceus nodded. "Yes, Pokémon has many memorable moments, and I'm certain that I didn't list everything I could have - such as AZ's reunion with his partner, confronting Steven in Mt. Moon, first setting foot inside the Battle Frontier or fighting Platinum-era Cynthia - these are what I felt were the most important and memorable moments in Pokémon's history."


	29. Like A Boss

It was a dark night in the Hall of Origin - and despite the fact that the only light in Mew's room came from a lone desk lamp, she still saw it fit to wear a giant black cloak as she hovered over her table.

"This is getting out of hand..." she muttered, stubby paws shifting through the various papers scattered across her desk. "Arcy hasn't reviewed anything since Christmas, and hasn't done a solo review since July of 2015. And at the rate that he keeps churning out those editorials, we _will _become a talk show."

Mew shuddered at the scene that filled her mind's eye.

* * *

Arceus was sitting behind a desk situated in front of a green-screen of a downtown skyline - the fur on the Normal Type's head was slicked back, his face was obscured by a pair of large rim glasses, and the look was completed with suspenders and a neck tie dangling around his large neck. He looked toward the camera and then leaned into the speaker situated on his desk.

"Hello and welcome to Last Fic Tonight with Arceus, where we have a very special guest with us tonight; Mr. Hideyoshi Hashiba," the camera panned out to reveal Hideyoshi slumped back in an overstuffed chair next to Arceus' desk. The Warlord was twiddling his thumbs and looking down at the floor, but shot up in his seat and gave a sheepish smile. Arceus just rolled his eyes.

"Now, Hideyoshi, you're the Warlord of Ignis and one of the few humans to ever fight alongside Reshiram, correct?" Hideyoshi nodded.

"Yep, and lemme tell you, it wasn't ea-"

"I'm sorry, but that's all the time we have for you tonight," Arceus suddenly cut in before pushing a lever next to his desk. The floor underneath Hideyoshi's seat opened up and he screamed as he fell in, while Arceus turned back to the camera with something that vaguely resembled a smile plastered across his face.

"And now for the nightly news."

* * *

Mew dry heaved at the thought but quickly dusted her cloak off and looked back down at the desk. "Arcy's had it too easy lately... I need something to get him back on his game. Something horrible..."

She put a paw to her cheek and bit her bottom lip.

"But it can't just be your regular, run of the mill Mary Sue fic. No..." Mew rubbed her paws together as the final pieces to her grand plan fell into place and let out a dark chuckle. "It has to be a different. A fic that the crowd loves but that's awful nonetheless. Something that transcends guilty pleasure into mindless pandering."

Mew looked up and let a smirk cross her features, and she let out another chuckle.

"I need a Happy Madison production," the Psychic Type's features dissolved into a deadpan, and she reached for a letter on her desk. "Unfortunately since Adam Sandler doesn't do fanfiction, and Genesect already has Yoshizilla covered, I guess that just leaves me with the first chapter of that fic Arcy recommended to Keldeo a while back."

She opened the envelope and pulled out the contents; the letter proper, written in Arceus' nauseously ornate calligraphy, and a USB with the actual story. Mew picked up the drive and looked it over.

"This'll do," the New Species Pokémon began pawing around her desk - she finally found the needle to Arceus' old phonograph and put it on the record, which caused a clap of thunder followed by the opening to Toccata and Fugue to escape the rickety-looking machine. Mew found it appropriate to let out the best evil laugh she could as it played, which really just amounted to something that sounded like she was being tickled. Unfortunately for her histrionic display, the lights to her room suddenly switched on, and the Alpha Pokémon himself was floating in her doorway.

"Mew, bedtime!" the Legendary in question jumped up in her chair at Arceus' commanding voice, using the movement to quickly conceal the envelope in her cloak. Arceus didn't seem to notice, and simply continued floating down the hallway.

Mew yawned, tossed her robe and the envelope on the desk, and floated over to the pile of cushions that served as her bed. "I'll deal with it tomorrow..."

* * *

For once in a long while, Arceus was at a loss. Not about the letter that had been pinned to the door to his study with a kitchen knife - he had a very good guess about who was responsible for that - but whether or not he should actually review what horror was waiting inside the inconspicuous envelope. Arceus discarded the letter and looked at the drive - now held in front of his eyes - and then floated into his study.

"Well," Arceus began as he summoned a gust to blow away the cobwebs growing on his computer. "I suppose it has been quite some time."

The Alpha let out a sigh. "And no better way to jump back in and grab attention than through self-mutilation."

Arceus started up the machine and then turned back to the doorway. "Mew!"

The namesake Pokémon happened to be poking her head through the doorway and quickly ducked behind the wall when Arceus spun around. She then reappeared in the doorway, paws folded behind her back and whistling nonchalantly. Arceus rolled his eyes and pulled her into the room telepathically. Mew yelped out as she was thrown into a chair - Arceus turned back to the computer while Mew chuckled uncomfortably.

"So, uh, I-" Arceus sighed.

"Yes," Mew slumped deeper into her seat while Arceus continued. "If I'm going to go through this, then you do as well."

Mew began muttering under her breath, while Arceus just chuckled as he powered up the camera.

"Methinks you've gotten a bit rusty yourself," the New Species Pokémon just crossed her arms and looked down petulantly, while Arceus blinked and floated back as the red light on the camera flickered on. The Alpha cleared his throat.

"Hello there, I'm Arceus the Critic, and this chapter is long overdue," Mew took the opportunity to wave and offer up a cheery grin.

"And I'm Mew - that 'mon who makes sure Arcy's doing what he's supposed to!" Mew blinked as Arceus slowly pushed her chair out of the frame with one of his hind legs and then cleared his throat.

"Right. Well, today I'll be reviewing the first chapter to a multi-chapter, currently ongoing, story I originally recommended to Keldeo. However, since Keldeo is..." Arceus blinked, glanced over to the side, and then made a motion akin to shrugging.

"Well, actually, no one knows what Keldeo is doing right now, but last I heard he was getting off-topic," Mew muttered something about a pot and kettle in the background - Arceus ignored her and carried on. "So I'll be reviewing the first chapter as my first review for the year."

Arceus blinked and turned to look at Mew. "Has it been than long?"

The New Species Pokémon gave a resigned nod, and Arceus let out a sigh as he turned back to the camera. "And so, this is Like a Boss."

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Like a Boss" by Felicity Dream**

* * *

_Like a Boss_

_By: Felicity Dream_

_Giovanni gets de-aged and more doors are opened for him. And yet the first thing he chooses to do is harass Ash Ketchum. Ash is just WTF? Ah well, he'll coerce her to help take over the world with him somehow. Team Flare's a start. Fem!Ash/Giovanni, harassment of Team Flare, and makeovers abound._

* * *

Arceus blinked.

* * *

_Fem!Ash/Giovanni_

* * *

A deafening thud echoed throughout the room as Arceus' desk gained a new face-shaped dent. The Alpha Pokémon sighed and shook his head.

"Yes, it's one of _those _stories. You know; the ones that a fangirl writes because they want to ship a character they like with a thinly-veiled self-insert, and apparently the author decided that none other than Ash 'Thick as a Brick' Ketchum would be the ideal crucible for their fantasies."

Arceus shook his head. "Well, you're here to hear me scream, so why don't we begin?"

* * *

_Giovanni wasn't quite sure what to make of his new situation. Granted, it seemed more of a boon to him than anything…_

_But being younger might have some disadvantages._

* * *

Arceus nodded. "Yes; unfortunately he's too baby-faced to star in The Godfather Part IV now."

Mew carved a line into an etch-a-sketch bearing the caption 'Bad Giovanni Jokes'.

* * *

_Ah, to hell with it! He was younger. How the hell could he have any problems with that?_

* * *

"And five minutes later he breaks out in acne," Arceus deadpanned.

* * *

_ Especially since he was still old enough in terms to be drinking, holding a job, to smoke, and whatnot. He was going to take every opportunity that was going to be handed to him. And he was plenty sure that he was going to be handed some very useful opportunities._

* * *

"Like being the boss of Team Rocket," the Alpha rolled his eyes. "Or guest starring on the Sopranos."

Mew etched another line into the tablet in her paws.

* * *

_Even if it was a mistake, he'll reward the R&amp;D department handsomely for this._

* * *

Arceus blinked. "I'm actually more interested in learning how the R&amp;D department could accidentally de-age someone than in reading this story."

"It was being run by Dexter and Dee Dee," Mew muttered from her seat.

* * *

_Flipping through the files on his desk, he came upon a certain file from the JJM unit that he'd come to expect weekly, if not daily. He grinned as he flipped through it, ignoring that it was yet another failure from that trio._

_He knew exactly what he'd wanted to do now._

_Giovanni made some calls, and then he was off to get a car. A nice, sleek red car –fast and luxurious. Yes, he'll drive something like that, and he'll be driving himself._

* * *

"Ferris Bueller: The Rocket Years," the Normal Type said in his best voice-over.

* * *

_Without further to do, he set off to find his car and then go to find a certain Ash Ketchum in Kalos._

* * *

"Apparently R&amp;D cooked up a special car that can cross oceans," Arceus muttered. Mew grinned evilly and reached for Arceus' sound effects panel.

_(Mewthree: genetics)_

Arceus whipped around and shot Mew a glare powerful enough that she immediately pulled back her hand like she had just been burned.

* * *

_Ash Ketchum was a sixteen year old trainer, and ready to kick some ass in Kalos. Of course, she'd just arrived, but that wasn't going to stop her from taking over and battling her way through this new region._

_"Right, Pikachu?!" she was so pumped up._

_"…Pika?" Pikachu questioned hesitantly, and Ash forgot that she'd been ranting in her head and not aloud._

_She sweatdropped. "Er, sorry, Pikachu. I was thinking in my head again."_

* * *

The Alpha Pokémon blinked blankly at the screen.

"Ash Ketchum. Thinking. And ranting," a shadow slowly cast itself over Arceus' face, and he telepathically lifted up a cabbage.

"This is Ash Ketchum's brain," the Legendary tore off a scrap of a leaf. "And this is the part devoted to logical thought."

He dropped the vegetable. "Continue."

* * *

_Pikachu let out a big sigh._

* * *

Arceus let out one of his own. "At least I believe Pikachu is still Pikachu."

* * *

_A loud vroom! sounded through the area, and Ash and Pikachu looked over to see an expensive-looking car drive by, stopping and parking near to them. And then a slightly familiar man stepped from out of the driver's seat, wearing a just as expensive dark suit and sunglasses._

* * *

"Come along, Sloane dear," Arceus said while Mew facepawed.

* * *

_Ash blinked. "Who's this guy?" she asked Pikachu._

_"Pikachu? Pika," he shrugged at his owner._

* * *

"Close, but no cigar," Arceus said. "It's actually Al Pacino."

Mew drew another line.

* * *

_The man leaned onto his car using his forearms, staring over at her with a smug smirk._

_"Ash Ketchum?"_

* * *

"I thought you were a ten year old Gary Stu."

* * *

_"Um, yes?"_

_"Perfect," he purred and then strode over to her, bodily picking her up and then going back to his car._

* * *

"We got ways of making you pronounce the letter O," Arceus muttered darkly followed by an over-dramatic laugh - the Alpha Pokémon cut himself off and cleared his throat.

"Anyways, happy Maple Leaf Day to Unova's northern neighbors," Mew suddenly got the impression that a certain trainer from Sinnoh had just sneezed, but pushed aside the thought.

"Hey, Arcy?" the Alpha turned around.

"Yes?"

"If Gamefreak ever reveals a region there, what do you think it'll be named?" Arceus just rolled his eyes.

"If Alola is anything to go by, I imagine it will be something as infinitely creative as Canehduh."

* * *

_Pikachu rushed after them, and attempted to shock the guy, who stopped and held out a hand at the mouse pokémon. Rubber gloves. "Nice try," he said cockily at him._

* * *

"But my gloves happen to protect my entire body from electrocution!"

_(Mewthree: genetics)_

Arceus spun back around again; Mew only offered up a nervous smile and slumped back in her seat even more.

* * *

_He continued in and got into the car, shoving her into the passenger seat up front,_

* * *

"Here, hold this," Giovanni said as he handed Ash the gun he never bothered showing and got into the driver's seat.

Mew just raised an eyebrow at Arceus' narration.

* * *

_ with Pikachu darting in and slipping into the back._

_ The man started the car and drove off without another word._

* * *

"Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, with his car Concorde..." Arceus and Mew sang.

* * *

_ Of course, Pikachu knew better than to shock the man now, knowing he could cause an accident by either harming the guy who was driving or messing up the vehicle, so he reluctantly refrained by doing any attacks at all, especially electrical attacks._

* * *

"Because apparently Pikachu had no time to electrocute Giovanni between the time he put Ash in the front side passenger seat - and apparently turned her into a vegetable in the process, as she put up no resistance whatsoever - and had to walk all the way around the car and get into the driver's seat."

* * *

_"Who are you and where are we going?! And oh Arceus, I've been kidnapped!" Ash screeched._

* * *

Arceus buried his head in the face-shaped dent in his desk and let out a groan.

* * *

_Giovanni: Yeah, that's great. Do you mind staying quiet for a few minutes while I get a slurpee? I want to see how quickly I can put myself back in braces._

_Ash: Sure. Hey, can I get one?_

_Giovanni: Eh, we'll just share mine. Can't keep the audience waiting for what they came for._

* * *

_"I'm hurt. You don't remember me?" the man continued to smirk._

_Ash frowned and looked closer, before her eyes widened._

* * *

"You were on The Borgias!" Mew rolled her eyes at Arceus' shrill voice and etched another line into the toy.

* * *

_"Wait…no way! Giovanni?!"_

_"Good job," he mockingly praised._

* * *

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

"And you thought I stopped using that one," Arceus chuckled in the direction of the camera. Mew just sighed.

* * *

_"What happened? Why do you look younger?" Ash began to hyperventilate, which she thought was fair, considering she'd just been kidnapped by the boss of Team Rocket, who had seemed to have de-aged from the last time she saw him._

_"An accident from my Research and Development department," he shrugged slightly. "I'm twenty-one, I believe. Which is fantastically brilliant."_

* * *

"You, Ash, on the other hand, are underage," Arceus commented in Giovanni's voice.

* * *

_"Good for you," she said sarcastically, still panicking. "But why am I here?"_

_"To celebrate? Who knows. I just felt like taking you."_

_"That's stupid! You jerk!" she started cursing at him, scrambling for any insult she could come up with in her head._

* * *

"At least buy a girl dinner before placing her into a luxury car without any resistance!" Arceus cried out in Ash's voice.

* * *

_"My, my, what a mouth," he chuckled. "Should I pull over and spank you?"_

_Ash shut up and looked at him wide-eyed._

_"You were just joking, right?" she muttered a moment later, sullenly crossing her arms around her chest and glaring at her feet._

_"Hm…maybe."_

* * *

Arceus' desk gained a few new dents.

* * *

_Her eye twitched._

_Sometime later, she finally asked him what he wanted again. Giovanni frowned._

_"You know, I really don't know. I honestly just felt like getting you and driving off. A whim, I suppose."_

* * *

The Normal Type's eyes glanced up nostalgically and he let out a lofty sigh. "Ah, youth; those halcyon days of randomly kidnapping girls on whims to force shipping down people's throats..."

* * *

_"I don't have time for your whims!" Ash shouted. "I've got to get back and follow Alexa to where her sister's gym is, so I can start collecting badges in this region and maybe I can finally win a league!"_

* * *

Arceus blinked. "Wait, why did she stop following Alexa in the first place? In the time that it took Giovanni to kidnap her, did it never once cross Alexa's mind to just look over her shoulder?"

"It's better if you don't think about it too much, Arcy," Mew said from her seat - Arceus just acknowledged with a weary nod.

* * *

_He abruptly stepped on the brakes, and the car jolted to a stop. He turned to look at her and tilted his head._

_"Her sister is out of town and not in Lumiose City in the first place. Your first Kalos gym would have been in Lumiose City, but it takes in only trainers who have four badges already, and is currently taken over and being run by an artificial intelligence created by the original gym leader, leading you to have to go to the next city to get a badge. You have time to waste with me," he said arrogantly._

_She twitched and stared at him._

* * *

"I don't _have _to waste my time with you," Ash retorted, crossing her arms. Giovanni just rolled his eyes.

"Your only other option is a boy who's had a crush on you for Arceus knows how long over a chance encounter at summer camp, a bubble-headed blonde whose inventions blow up every episode, and his younger sister who'll ask you to marry him on first sight."

Ash took a long blink and sunk back into her seat. "Just drive."

Mew cleared her throat as Arceus turned back to the story.

"You know people are going to get confused if you keep doing that, Arcy," the owner of the nickname just shrugged.

* * *

_ "How did you…how did you know about Alexa and her sister and that I was with her? Or all that? At all?"_

_Giovanni gave her a "So what?" look and Ash began plastering herself against the door._

_"Stalker! Oh Arceus, you're a stalker! A pervert! A deviant!" she started screaming._

* * *

"A miscreant! A rabble-rouser! A rapscallion!" Arceus cried out in an increasingly shrill voice. "An extra from Gotham!"

Mew facepawed and drew another line into the etch-a-sketch.

* * *

_Honestly, Pikachu should have done something by now to help out his mistress,_

* * *

"YOU THINK!?" Arceus roared. Mew held onto her chair for dear life as the entire room shook.

* * *

_ but she was so amusing right now (and especially with the Rocket Boss). Plus, Giovanni wasn't doing anything extremely threatening (aside from the scare-worthy driving speed), and was being rather entertaining as he worked up Pikachu's mistress._

* * *

Arceus and Mew both looked at the screen with empty, dead stares - if Mew's jaw was any lower it would have snapped off.

* * *

_Giovanni snorted. "Jessie, James, and Meowth have been following you since you practically began your journey, and never fail to report about you and their failures because of you. Of course I know all about you and what you're up to. Besides, I make it my business to know everything."_

_"…Pervert stalker!"_

_It wasn't until sometime later that Giovanni finally stopped, right in front of a diner._

* * *

"Oh, hey, it's Monk's," Arceus commented neutrally.

* * *

_"Are you hungry?" he surprisingly asked her._

_She squirmed in her seat before nodding. He nodded back and pressed the button to release her seatbelt for her._

* * *

"The safety-conscious kidnapper, everyone," Arceus deadpanned, while Mew slowly clapped in the background.

* * *

_"Thank you," she muttered, opening the door and getting out. Being that all her pokémon, except for Pikachu, had been left behind, she wondered if she could still outrun him. Glancing at him, she doubted it. Especially since he still had some pokémon, and she had no doubt that Persian of his was one of them._

_It would be a repeat of Meloetta all over again, even without a special shield cage thingy. Unless he had a portable one on him…_

_He slipped an arm around one of hers, surprising her as he was suddenly there and had broken her out of her mutinous thoughts, but then also taking her aback with the strange action._

_"Come. You may order whatever you'd like."_

* * *

_(Dirty Harry: Go ahead, make my day.)_

* * *

_Well, in that case…_

_Inside, she found that everything sounded delicious. She felt all hungry, and just remembered that she'd not eaten since the small snacks she'd had on board the plane to Kalos. Her eyes landed on one particular dish and she glanced at Giovanni over the menu. He was also browsing through his own._

_She bit her lip and turned her menu around. "Um, can I have this?"_

_He looked up and saw what she was pointing at. "I don't see why not. Go ahead."_

_Ash grinned happily to herself and browsed the drinks next._

_After their order, to which Pikachu enjoyed a ketchup bottle to himself as he curiously observed the odd male they were currently plagued with, Giovanni suddenly spoke up._

* * *

"Well," the Origin Pokémon spoke with a sigh. "At least some facets of their original personality remain."

* * *

_"You know, if you bear with me, I can save you time by driving you to the next city," he offered. "I decided there's only one thing I want from you."_

_She looked at him suspiciously, and even Pikachu took his attention off of his bottle of ketchup to look at Giovanni._

_"And that is?" Ash asked distrustfully._

* * *

"To join me, and together we will make cameos in CSI!" Arceus replied dramatically.

"Who hasn't?" Mew muttered as she scratched another line onto her list. Arceus blinked.

"Touché..."

* * *

_"I noted a pattern to your activities in each region. You tend to…get involved with the respective Teams in each region, and face off with them, even eventually bringing them down. Well, minus my Team of course. But after my Team and the regions where I hold sovereign over, you've managed to take down Aqua, Magma, Galactic, and recently Plasma. Team Flare, in this region, is still active however. Though you've yet to run across them in the first place, I don't doubt that you'll eventually…but I'm thinking of taking the fight to them. You can take the Team out early in your journey, as opposed to tangling with them and eventually taking them out later."_

_Ash was hesitant, but she agreed that she did tend to have to deal with each Team for each region she'd been to._

_"I'll be your ride through each city, if you agree," he promised (not like she could trust his word). "Just come with me to take out their bases along the way to their main headquarters."_

* * *

"Oh no, they're going to turn into Master Ninja!" Arceus buried his face in one of the dents on his desk while Mew grimaced and covered her eyes with her paddle-shaped tail.

* * *

_"And where is that?" she asked warily._

_"I know for a fact it's located in Geosenge Town," he stated certainly. "We can take them out. Just the two of us."_

* * *

"If you know where it is, why don't you just take it out yourself?" Arceus shook his head. "In fact, why not just send _trained _members of Team Rocket there to take down Team Flare if you're that incessant on it. And I'm pretty sure ambition knows no age. Heck-"

"You're overthinking it, Arcy," Mew commented. Arceus muttered something but stopped.

* * *

_She looked at him skeptically, but then again…she had witnessed his awesome prowess at battling (she was still cowed and put out by the quick loss to him), and she was an awesome battler herself. Except –_

_"I left most of my pokémon back in Professor Oak's lab," she said dejectedly._

_"Not a problem," he said dismissively. "You may use some of mine –"_

_"I want to use Persian," she said quickly, eyes lighting up._

* * *

"No..." Arceus muttered in dismay. "Please tell me Ash hasn't been turned into a crazy cat lady..."

"And what's wrong with them?" Mew demanded as she shot out of her chair - Arceus kicked her into one of the walls.

* * *

_He raised an eyebrow at her, but though she blushed, she refused to take it back or act all embarrassed._

_"Very well. He'll probably agree to it. Who else do you want to use?"_

_She straightened up eagerly. "Who do you have with you?"_

_"Kingler, Rhydon, Machamp, Golem, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, and Beedrill," he listed off._

_"That's right, I forgot you were a ground-type gym leader," she remembered his time at the Viridian Gym._

* * *

"Even though Ash never learned that canonically..." Arceus said hesitantly.

* * *

_ "But what about Beedrill?" she remembered the last one._

_"She was the first pokémon I caught on my own pokémon journey," Giovanni revealed to her. "I caught her in the Viridian Forest. She's special because of being the first pokémon I caught and because she's from my 'birthplace.'" He hesitated before adding, "I also have a Charizard, who had been my original, official starter."_

_She blinked, surprised at that information. But then she counted off the pokémon he'd just listed, including Persian, and then gaped at him._

_"That's nine pokémon!"_

_He looked at her carelessly. "So?"_

* * *

"It's a whim," Arceus replied in the Rocket Leader's voice. "Something all great criminals act on. Who needs planning?"

* * *

_"That's three more than you should have," she accused him._

_He smirked. "I'm a criminal crime boss of an illegal organization. Need I say more?"_

_"Jerk!"_

_But she had agreed to his proposition in the end, so nothing else really mattered._

* * *

"Take the Pokéball, leave the Cannoli," Mew floated up behind Arceus and hit him over the head with a rubber Torchic.

"No," she muttered as she floated back to her chair. Arceus just sighed.

* * *

_Ash had ended up with a team consisting of Pikachu, Persian, Nidoqueen, and Rhydon, who Giovanni insisted be officially traded over (she couldn't even understand how he managed that to be one-sided), only for Ash to become surprised as it evolved into Rhyperior, and Giovanni smugly smirking –she had a feeling he knew that would happen and was why the bastard insisted on an official trade)._

_She wished she could keep this party as her official team as she battled it out for badges through the region._

* * *

"Yes, Ash, no need for Charizard, Infernape, Gible, Sceptile, Staraptor, Snorlax, Heracross, Torkoal, Snivy, or any other truly memorable Pokémon that you've spent countless adventures with - you have a trio of Pokémon handed to you by a mob boss that are closer to your heart," the Alpha deadpanned.

* * *

_"So where to?" she reluctantly asked, finishing acquainting herself with her team._

_"There's actually a base nearby," he told her calmly, even though he had the nerve to just pop that information on her now. "We'll be going incognito."_

* * *

"I don't think anyone would recognize you to begin with," Arceus muttered. "I sure didn't."

* * *

_She looked at him in confusion, and he went over to the side and dragged two unconscious people from behind some trees. She gaped at him._

* * *

"Man, this diner has everything!" the Normal Type commented in a vapid voice. "Trees, corpses, and mafia ties!"

* * *

_"While you were busy familiarizing yourself with your team, I went ahead and found these two. We'll be borrowing their clothing to infiltrate the base."_

* * *

"And if something goes wrong, just start chanting 'Attica! Attica!'."

* * *

_"You…you knocked them out…"_

_"It was a necessary evil," he said serenely. "Now help me undress these two."_

* * *

"We don't look disfigured enough!" Arceus declared. Mew floated over to the screen.

"Hey, Arcy, weren't Team Flare's uniforms in a Weird Al video?" the Alpha shook his head.

"Close, but those were yellow."

* * *

_She grumbled, but came over and helped, eventually splitting up from him to change behind the trees on the other side. When she came back out, she saw that the Team Flare outfit from the male just barely fit onto Giovanni's large frame._

_"Ready to go?" he asked her._

_"Yeah, yeah. Let's get this over with," she groused unhappily._

* * *

"And loose some weight while you're at it."

* * *

_"Don't sound so enthusiastic," he said sarcastically, leading the way back to the car._

_She grunted._

_The car started up and then he was driving away, leaving two unconscious and half-naked Flare grunts in the wayside._

_In boredom, Ash turned on the radio, with the first song turning on being Haystack's Bonnie and Clyde._

_Giovanni opened his mouth –_

_"I am not Bonnie."_

* * *

Arceus just stared at the screen, and Mew finally floated up and poked him in his temple.

"Uh, Arcy?" the Normal Type just sighed.

"It would be too easy, Mew."

* * *

_He closed his mouth, but he still had an annoying smirk on his face._

_"We do need codenames though," he brought up a second later._

* * *

"I'll be Gary and you'll be Mary," Arceus continued in Giovanni's voice. "If anyone asks, we're siblings."

* * *

_Her eye twitched and she started muttering under her breath._

_"Fine," she finally acquiesced. "But I'm not going to get gunned down with you."_

_"Of course, my little bon-bon."_

_If he wasn't driving, she would be attempting to throttle him right now. Heck, she was still contemplating the merits of it anyway._

_She was still contemplating it an hour later, when they finally made it all the way to this so-called secret base of Team Flare's._

* * *

"Oh, hey, it's Monk's," Mew raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, Arcy, you already did that one," Arceus nodded.

"I know."

* * *

_Giovanni tutted disapprovingly. "And they call this a base," he snubbed it. "Pathetic."_

_Ash had to remind herself that she was with a crime boss of an illegal organization, and this wasn't a normal situation. Pikachu and Persian consoled her, with Pikachu steadfastly being as loyal as always and Persian knowing his master and feeling sympathetic of her plight._

_"Hey, what are we going to do when we actually go inside? I mean, okay –we've got the uniforms and we'll be sneaking in…but then what?" she asked, not knowing what his exact plans were._

_"We storm it."_

* * *

"Rock Team Flare, Amadeus!" Mew exclaimed with a dopey smile. Arceus' face turned green.

"He and his biker friends would probably do a better job than these two louts..." the Alpha muttered before he started gagging.

* * *

_Her eyes bugged out. "WHAT?"_

_"Isn't that your normal modus operandi?" he gave her a look. "That's what you usually do, right?"_

_"You're a crime lord! You're super smart and stuff! I thought you would have thought this through a little more and actually have a plan! The exact opposite of me," she hissed out at him._

* * *

"Dennis dumb, Dennis dee, dumb dumb dumb," Arceus and Mew harmonized.

* * *

_He tossed her a wink with a saucy smirk. "Opposites attract, you know."_

_She blinked and then stared at him. Had he just…_

_"Are you…were you…Giovanni, did you just flirt with me?"_

_Giovanni grinned at her before leering. "Want me to park to the side so you can find out?"_

* * *

_(Eric Idle: Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.)_

* * *

_She stared a bit more before growling, "Persian, claws out."_

_Persian did as he was ordered, hovering close to Giovanni, who leaned away and looked at him warily._

_"Traitor," Giovanni grumbled at his pokémon._

_Persian just gave him a look that practically said "I'm not technically yours at the moment, remember?"_

* * *

"You're in charge," Arceus said as he quickly floated out of them room. It took a second for his comment to register - Mew blinked, and then her head whipped over her shoulder - but Arceus was gone and she was still there. The New Species Pokémon sighed.

"Well, I guess I asked for this."

* * *

_And Giovanni just sighed and parked off to the side, the two of them leaving the car to head to the base and take charge._

_Their outfits provided perfect coverage and no one questioned their presence there._

_"This is boring," Giovanni complained quietly. "It's going too easy."_

_"That's what we want," Ash tried to hush him, glaring hotly. "We don't want to be harassed!"_

_"But that's so boring. I expected battles and repartee and whatnot; things I expect that you must usually go through. Going through all this with you, I wanted the whole experience! Your experiences must've been much more exciting than this," he huffed._

_"I didn't think you'd de-aged mentally as well," Ash irritably shot at him._

* * *

"Waiter!" Mew exclaimed. "Can I get some cheese with this whine?"

* * *

_"Who knows?" he shrugged it off._

_"Hey!" someone hollered to them. Two of the Flare grunts, all in red and hair styled, walked over to them. "Where are you two supposed to be stationed at?"_

_Ash started to sweat, though she enviously glanced at Giovanni's cool and calm demeanor. She glared at the two grunts, though she was glad the uniform sunglasses hid it and helped her not break her disguise._

_"I'm not sure. Makeover unit or something," she said snidely, the last part under her breath._

* * *

"Thank you," the Psychic Type said as she materialized a wheel of cheese from the kitchen onto Arceus' desk.

* * *

_Unfortunately, they heard her._

_"Did someone say…"_

_"…makeover?"_

* * *

"Hey," Mew chuckled through her snack. "It's Extreme Flare Makeover."

From his place in the Hall, Arceus used his powers to club her over the head with the discarded rubber Torchic.

* * *

_The two of them grinned wickedly and she stared at them in horror._

_Giovanni pushed her forward and they latched onto her._

_"She did," he said blandly._

_They began dragging her away and Ash screamed at him in fury._

_"Traitor, traitor! I'll get you back for this!"_

* * *

"I'll dress up as a stormtrooper if I have to!"

* * *

_"Bye, Bonnie," he waved at her._

_"Damn you, Clyde!"_

_Damned codenames._

_When she found him after she finally escaped from those two's (joined soon after by a whole horde of others) clutches, she saw that he was in the process of hacking into a computer in some kind of computer room._

* * *

"You know," Mew put a paw to her chin. "I have to give the author credit for her accurate portrayal of Team Flare."

* * *

_"Thanks for the distraction," he said distractedly, finishing up._

_"Why you!" she stomped over to him and grabbed his collar, yanking him to face her._

* * *

"Looker's a good cop!" the New Species Pokémon yelled.

* * *

_ "How dare you –!"_

_But he just grabbed her hands and then without warning, kissed her heatedly. And though she hated to admit it, he was one hell of a kisser._

_He pulled away, smirking that smug smirk of his._

_"Triumph, my dear, triumph."_

* * *

This time, Mew's jaw did come off at one of its hinges. She pushed it back onto her face, stifled her tears and clasped her paws together. "I'm sorry I don't show you enough respect, Arcy..."

* * *

_And then he pressed a button and the computer screens all began to mess up, only two words appearing onscreen: Rocket Supreme._

* * *

"I had a Rocket Supreme once," Mew shuddered. "Too much grease."

* * *

_He picked her up into his arms suddenly and then began to run._

_"Come, my Bonnie! Before we get 'gunned down,' as you said."_

_She didn't know whether to smack him or (she would never admit this aloud) pull him into another kiss._

_And as they drove away in his car, he was laughing freely and she thought that being de-aged had done wonders for him._

* * *

_(Mewthree: genetics)_

* * *

_"This is rather exciting," he said in delight. "Your normal activities are rather a thrill to be pulled into."_

_"My 'normal activities' aren't normal or usual for everyone else," she said wryly._

* * *

Mew picked up a slip of paper and put on a pair of oversized readers. "Side effects of traveling around with a self-insert fangirl caricature of Ash may include swelling in the joints, instant infatuation, rash, rash decisions, cheesy dialogue, nausea, vomiting, nausea and vomiting, nausea and vomiting for people nearby, criminal activities, and sueness. Consult your doctor if Ash is right for you."

* * *

_"But that makes you so much more unique and interesting," Giovanni purred, turning to her as he rubbed a knuckle down her cheek._

_Her face turned hot immediately._

_"Keep your hands to yourself, Casanova," but she didn't do or say anything else, and Persian and Pikachu contentedly watched their two owners in amusement._

_He sighed happily. "Onto your gym and then the next base. Repeat after me, dear Ash –Rocket Today, Rocket Tomorrow, Rocket Forever!"_

_He gave her an expectant look and she relented after a moment, leading him to inwardly wickedly grin._

_There was only room in the world for one boss, and he was going to stay on top and topple the rest, take the girl, take the world, and take out the competition._

_Like a real boss._

* * *

"And that was Like a Boss," Arceus said as he practically appeared out of nowhere, face still having a slightly green hue to it. "And thank me it's over."

The Alpha looked down at Mew; she was face-down on his desk, silently sobbing. Arceus reluctantly lifted a hoof up and did his best to pat her on her diminutive back, the tips of his ears drooping a bit. "You did well."

"Goodbye cruel world... Goodbye..." she choked out, making no attempts to move. Arceus just turned back to the camera.

"As for the subject at hand, this story's flaws should quite frankly speak for themselves," the Normal Type's eyes narrowed in contemplation. "Grammatically, and stylistically even, the writing itself is actually good. The premise is interesting enough - a younger Giovanni going around and sabotaging his rivals, which would indeed make a good basis for a thriller, adventure, or even parody - and it can even be entertaining at parts."

Arceus let out a sigh and shook his head. "Unfortunately, the good ends there; execution botches most of the promise this story has. And yes, most of it involves the very reason this story was made; to ship a thinly-veiled self-insert with a young Giovanni, most likely just because the author felt it would be 'cute'."

Arceus shrugged. "Now, I could be wrong and this could simply be the 'This is Spinal Tap' of Pokémon Fanfiction, but I doubt it. And while it can be said that this is simply crack and I shouldn't take it so seriously, unfortunately the romance and character is too heavy-handed for it to truly qualify as that."

"To meet the desired end, any notions of pacing and character development - or character in general - are thrown out the window, and one of the most major facets of the entire premise itself hangs around a ridiculous noodle incident. Ash is inexplicably a cat-crazed fangirl who silently rants to herself because that is what appeals to the audience, and Giovanni is an immature flirt who is inexplicably young and head over heels for a minor because that is what pushes the plot forward. And yet, neither of these are Giovanni or Ash - simply caricatures resulting from one too many daydreams that happen to share a few base aspects with the actual characters."

The Normal Type's head sunk a bit. "What is most tragic about all this is, frankly, it's clear the author has quite a bit of talent. And much like a certain actor/film producer, is quite successful when using very little of it, if the review to chapter ratio is any indication. Ultimately, had this just been Giovanni, younger or not, the story could have worked and quite well as that - Felicity is clearly quite skilled with a pen and has an entertaining sense of humor - but the presence of a female Ash who acts nothing like Ash, for the sole purpose of being shipped with him, makes it painfully obvious its more pandering than anything else."

"Now, granted, this is only the first chapter, and there are plenty more to the story, but I have read the second chapter and do not have the strongest desire to continue any further," Arceus looked down at the unconscious Pyschic Type - who had apparently cried herself to sleep - and picked her up with his powers. "Well, with all that said, I suppose I will see all of you again after a hopefully speedy recovery."

* * *

**The End**

_**Credits:**_

_Last Week Tonight with John Oliver_

_Larry King Live_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Happy Madison_

_Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus_

_Thick as a Brick - Jethro Tull_

_The Godfather Series_

_The Sopranos_

_Dexter's Laboratory_

_Ferris Bueller's Day Off_

_pokemon attack of mewtwo_

_Seinfeld - The Abstinence_

_Close But No Cigar - Weird Al_

_Canadian Bacon_

_Pokémon Sun and Moon_

_Monty Python - Dennis Moore_

_The Borgias_

_Gotham_

_Seinfeld_

_Dirty Harry: Sudden Impact_

_CSI_

_Mystery Science Theater: Master Ninja_

_The Godfather _

_Dog Day Afternoon_

_Dare To Be Stupid - Weird Al_

_Rock Me Amadeus - Falco_

_Monty Python - Nudge Nudge_

_Extreme Home Makeover_

_Star Wars Episode VII - The Force Awakens_

_T.J. Hooker_

_Pokémon Platinum_

_Goodbye Cruel World - Pink Floyd_

_This Is Spinal Tap_


	30. Golden Sun and Silver Moon

Mew sighed as she gazed up at the massive curtain dangling from the ceiling that was currently separating her from Arceus. She spun around, brushed off the herald uniform that Arceus had placed her in (she rolled her eyes when she first saw the giant golden wheel emblazoned on the front of the white fabric) and cleared her throat.

"Introducing his Alphaness," the Psychic type could barely restrain the desire to roll her eyes at how seriously Arceus was taking his self-appointed month (nevermind his thirtieth chapter). "Arceus."

The curtain rolled back to reveal Arceus - he floated forward and cleared his throat only to have a Trubbish fall on his head. Mew chuckled uncomfortably.

"Heh, sorry Arcy, I guess I forgot one," Mew quickly snapped her fingers and teleported the animate pile of rubbish away while the Alpha just rolled his eyes.

"Today-" he was cut off again as the Trubbish fell back onto his head. The Psychic Type whistled innocently before teleporting the Pokémon away again - this time a certain bug was the recipient. Arceus' face twisted up in a futile attempt to scowl, before he let out a non-existent sigh and returned his attention to the camera.

"We're going to continue our little delve into the anime with another Ash fic," Mew raised an eyebrow when Arceus said nothing else.

"Well?" Arceus blinked.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to say anything else?" the Alpha made a motion akin to shrugging.

"It's themed after Sun and Moon?" Arceus ignored the muttered comment about being rusty and turned back to the screen.

"Without any further ado, this is Golden Sun and Silver Moon."

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Golden Sun And Silver Moon" by ChloboShoka**

* * *

**_Golden Sun And Silver Moon_**

_By: ChloboShoka_

_Entry for a contest over in Advancers. Ash and May begin their vacation in Bournemouth. Advanceshipping_

* * *

"And the entrants are at the starting gate, and they're off!" Arceus shouted in his best announcer voice while Mew started waving her paws in the air behind him.

"Go ChloboShoka, Go!" the Psychic shouted as the Speed Racer theme song started playing.

* * *

_Golden Sun_

* * *

"Dark Dawn was the best in the series," Mew stated, arms crossed, only for Arceus to bonk her on the head with his hoof.

* * *

_The golden sun promised an exciting day for Ash and May._

_Something about the blinding daylight suggested that amazing things were about to happen. The journey to the beach was a long and winding road. The first step was to take the bus to the airport. Then the extensive checks and wait for the plain. The plane from Tokyo to London was over eight hours, and then there was a long train journey to Bournemouth._

* * *

"Then they had to arrive at the train station. Then they had to rent a car. Then they had to put their luggage into the trunk-"

"Boot," Mew quickly chimed in - Arceus just shot her a glare before rolling his eyes.

"Oh, ah gahp in one's _boot,_" the Normal Type replied dramatically in received pronunciation with a roll of the eyes. "Then after putting their luggage into the _boot_ they had to drive to the hotel. After driving to the hotel they had to check in. After checking in-"

Mew quickly pushed a button before Arceus could continue.

* * *

_They had been waiting for July to arrive for a very long time. It was considered one of the hottest months of the year: the perfect month to book a holiday. It had been the first time either of them had been to the UK and May looked online to see what the best cities were, Bournemouth was the most appealing. With its fun arcades, exceptional restaurants, clean blue seas and white sandy beaches, May had decided that she wanted to go to Bournemouth._

* * *

"Hey, Arcy, who gave us this fic?" Arceus blinked and scanned over the documents on his desk.

"Let's see... The Bournemouth Advanceshipping Society," Mew blinked.

"Didn't they also produce Njorl's-"

"Hold that thought," Arceus said as he levitated a piece of paper in front of his face and cleared his throat. "Invest in Bournemouth; great opportunities and low, low prices!"

Mew facepawed.

* * *

_Both Ash and May felt stressed with the long booking process. There were a lot of things to remember and a lot of budgeting and planning to do._

* * *

"They had to book the flight. Then they had to drive to the airport. Then they had to get on the plane," Mew started pulling at the fur on the top of her head as Arceus continued to drone on. From his castle, Kyurem just sneezed.

* * *

_ But as soon as they stepped into the wonderful sandy beach, they knew their troubles had been washed away. Ash held May's hand as he felt his toes sink into the wet sand. Sweat poured down their faces, so they used the salty water to feel clean._

_Together they took deeper steps into the ocean._

_"It's so cold," May shrieked as the waves devoured more inches from her body. Her arms grappled Ash's waist as her head slammed on his shoulder._

_"It's perfect," Ash said, roaring with laughter as he picked May up._

_"Wow!" May exclaimed as her torso burst out of the sea waves._

* * *

Mew screamed out in horror and fled behind Arceus' neck at the sight.

"It's just a flesh wound!" the Normal Type shouted, before turning his attention back to the camera. "This Monty Python reference is brought to you by Bournemouth. When thinking about your next summer vacation, think sunny Bournemouth; with its fun arcades, exceptional restaurants, clean blue seas and white sandy beaches."

* * *

_With both hands in the air, her fingers twinkled towards the sky as her feet tickled Ash's stomach. "I feel like I'm flying."_

_"You are flying," Ash said with a slick grin on his face._

* * *

"I'm on a wire!" Arceus shouted back in May's voice with a distinctive British tint.

* * *

_ The waves were against them._

* * *

_(George Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli.)_

* * *

_ May felt a strong splash against her chest that smacked her body onto the sandy floor. Ash was quick to grab her and stand her up again. Ash panted, worried that she had almost drowned. "Are you alright?" he gasped._

_May giggled as she covered her face. "Yeah, I'm alright. Except... my makeup is ruined."_

_"I'm not worried about your makeup," Ash admitted. "You don't need it anyway. Let's go further out. I'll race ya!"_

_"That's so sweet," May whispered to herself._

* * *

"He's leaving me behind for the sea..." Mew muttered in a dreamy voice.

* * *

_The lovebirds began to swim across the sea a bit further until they reached the red post. Ash seemed as if he was sprinting towards the ocean as May tiptoed closer until her feet began to float. At this point, May had become adjusted to the current and the ice-cold water. Her swift arm movements kept her warm as she eventually caught up with Ash._

_They held hands as they swam back to the beach together._

_"I must admit that I'm really hungry," Ash said out of the blue._

_"Why don't we get something to eat then?" May suggested._

* * *

"I hear there's this thing called the sea that has a lot of fish," Arceus stated blankly in Ash's voice.

* * *

_Ash nodded. "That's a great idea."_

_"What do you fancy?" May asked. "There are some lots of good Indian restaurants here. And there's a nice restaurant in one of the piers."_

_Ash pointed his finger to the building near the aquarium. "I hear Harry Ramsden does the best fish and chips in the world."_

* * *

Arceus' eyes gained a distant, glassy look. "You went to England for the cuisine?"

* * *

_May tilted her head as she grabbed onto her boyfriend's hand. "Well if you want to go and eat there, we can."_

* * *

"And, now for the second part of the fic," Arceus glanced down at the other Pokémon. "Mew?"

"Uh," Mew muttered uneasily, tapping her paws together. Arceus sighed.

"You misplaced it."

"Yep!" she replied with a smile. The Normal Type just shook his head.

"Well, I'm certain I have a spare sketch lying around here somewhere..." Arceus muttered as he scanned over his bearings before his eyes ears perked up.

"Ah, here it is," Arceus' eyes flashed before he turned around and gestured for Mew to start looking for the other half.

* * *

It would have been the perfect day in Geosenge town - the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and a slight breeze kept the late-summer heat at bay - were it not for the giant crystalline weapon that had suddenly sprouted from the ground that Cyrus was currently in front of, ranting to the crowd of terrified spectators that had come to investigate the disturbance.

"Humanity is corrupt and beyond the point of redemption," the blue-haired man bellowed out. "And with this ancient weapon we shall create our new world upon the ashes of the old!"

From the midst of the crowd - which was currently in the middle of a debate as to whether or not they should mob the maniac, with the general consensus being that they should instead leave the fate of the world to a group of kids - came the national treasure of Kalos himself; Professor Augustine Sycamore. The good Professor ran a hand through the side of his hair as he finally cleared the murmuring masses - the unfortunately casualties of which were three women whose hearts stopped beating at being so close to the sight, while countless others across the nation were struck with nosebleeds - while Cyrus merely crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey man," Sycamore greeted with a friendly smile as he reached inside his lab coat. "You might want to eat this."

"Why?" Cyrus asked as he begrudgingly took the Snickers bar, looking down at it in disdain before deciding his rant had made him a bit peckish.

"You get a little genocidal when you're hungry," Augustine replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world as Cyrus took a bit out of the supposed snack. "Better?"

"Better," Lysander replied, the leader of Team Flare pulling out a remote control from his suit jacket and deactivating the doomsday device behind him.

* * *

Mew looked up from the stack of manila folders she was flipping through and deadpanned. "Really, Arcy? You couldn't think of anything more creative?"

"It was never meant to be a full-blown sketch to begin with," the Alpha said with a sigh, before his eyes flashed again. "Though I suppose I can come up with something else."

* * *

Sycamore then turned around and produced a bottle of shampoo as a sudden gust of wind swept through his hair. "L'Oreal Lumiose: because you're worth it."

* * *

The New Species Pokémon facepawed and held out the thumbdrive that had been stashed away in a file labeled 'Python References'.

"Regardless, now that we have the second part," Arceus started, telepathically grabbing the device. "Let us begin."

* * *

_Silver Moon_

_The silver moon promised a spectacular night for Ash and May._

_Something about the sparkling moonlight suggested that awesome things were about to happen. The journey from the hotel room to the restaurant was a slow and relaxing road. The first step was for Ash to book the table for the Indian Resturant at 8:00PM. After the table for two was booked, Ash and May stepped into one of the local Weatherspoon pubs._

* * *

"The name is Ketchum, Ash Ketchum," Arceus accent returned with a vengeance. "Now I'm in fics. Bad fics."

Mew raised an eyebrow and glanced up to him - Arceus cleared his throat and dropped the voice. "No, Mew, I'm not saying that _this _one is bad, but there is a certain trend with stories involving him."

* * *

_ It was a Saturday night and they could see people flocking around the bar._

_"Excuse me," a big bulky bloke with a black suit and a fluorescent jacket on top. "Can I see some ID?"_

_"ID?"_

* * *

"We don't need no ID," Arceus sung while Mew plucked randomly at the ukulele in her paws. "No dark sarcasm in the pub. Bouncer leave them kids alone."

* * *

_ Ash squinted and stared at May. "What is he talking about?"_

* * *

"All right," Mew began in a poor imitation of May's voice. "I admit it; I'm an ID Addict."

Arceus just rolled his eyes.

* * *

_May scurried into her handbag and got out two passports. "He wants proof that we're over eighteen. Here you go, Sir."_

_The bailiff took a brief look at both passports_

* * *

"Gary Stu?" Arceus commented in the bouncer's voice.

* * *

_ and then handed them back to May. "Cheers mate, have a good night."_

_"Where are we going to sit?" Ash asked as saw many of the seats were occupied._

_"We can sit outside," May suggested as she scurried over to the bar. The glaring sound of the television and the crowds hurt her ears._

_"What can I get for you," the lady at the bar said to May._

* * *

"Feel the suspense as they order their drinks," the Normal Type said in one of his best voice-over.

* * *

_"I'll have two glasses of baileys, Sex-on-the-beach cocktail and..."_

* * *

Arceus lurched over and started making hacking noises while Mew turned green and pressed a nearby button.

_(Eric Idle: Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.)_

* * *

_ May requested. She turned her head behind at Ash. "Ash, what are you having?"_

_"Just coke for me."_

_"And the largest glass of coke you have please?" May asked._

* * *

"Thank you, mum," Arceus muttered in Ash's voice.

* * *

_"Do you want ice in both?"_

_"Yes please."_

_The bartender quickly brought all the drinks over to May over the counter. "That will be £11.50."_

* * *

"Bournemouth: cold drinks at low, low prices!" Mew pinched her nose at Arceus' comment.

* * *

_May had no choice but to pay for all the drinks and meals because Ash had conveniently left his wallet in Pallet Town._

* * *

Mew blinked. "Wait... This is the real world but Pallet Town is still in it?"

Arceus shrugged. "Kanto would still be Kanto regardless of where it was, I suppose."

"Darn right," Ujiyasu shouted as he walked by. Both Arceus and Mew exchanged confused glances after the Warlord disappeared from behind the doorframe.

* * *

_ As Ash and May brought their drinks towards the patio outside the entrance, May quickly devoured her two glasses of baileys as Ash began sipping his coke._

* * *

Arceus blinked and then looked down sheepishly. "I can actually see May quickly downing her drinks."

* * *

_"I thought you had to drink that slowly," Ash told May._

_May shrugged her shoulders. "But Baileys is so good. I can't help but drink it all in one go."_

_May considered Baileys one of the nicest drinks of all time. It was a creamy liqueur with a very sweet and almost velvety texture. The perfect drink to have on a hot summer holiday._

* * *

"Bournemouth: best Baileys in Britain!" Mew's eye twitched and she teleported another Trubbish onto Arceus' head. The Alpha sighed and made a mental note to come up with a suitable judgment for Genesect.

* * *

_ She was looking forward to tonight. After eating the curry, she hoped to check out one of the nightclubs and go clubbing._

_Both Ash and May felt calm in the pub. There were a lot of things to see on the balcony. Amusing crowds getting ready for hen nights and stag dos. She laughed at the three blokes dressed up as Sailor Moon. On the other side of the road, there was a group of women with red Mario hats on walking into one of the takeaways._

* * *

"They've been teleported into Super Smash Bros!" Mew exclaimed.

* * *

_ Ash held May's hand as he felt his feet pressed onto the balcony._

_"This drink is so cold," May shrieked as she received a sharp pain in her head. "I hate brain freezes."_

_"I told you not to drink fast."_

_"You never said anything." Within a few moments... £10 worth of drink was gone. "Anyway, we've got to the restaurant soon."_

_"Right." Ash slurped his coke until all that was left was the ice. He didn't know what he would do if May got drunk._

_The dinner was a success. Between Ash and May, they had three courses, a generous amount of bread and rice and more large drinks. They paid £75 for their food and drink: plus tip. The waiters were happy but also amazed at their big appetite._

* * *

"Bournemouth-" Arceus was cut off as Mew screamed out and brought a frying pan down on his head. He spun around and gave her a glare powerful enough to melt through Kyurem's demeanor - she just returned it twofold.

* * *

_"Wow!" May exclaimed as twirled out of the Indian Resturant. With both hands in the air, her fingers twinkled towards the sky as her back tickled Ash's stomach. "I feel like I'm flying."_

* * *

"I'm Lord of the Flies!" Mew exclaimed in May's voice.

"More like Lord of the Soused..." Arceus muttered.

* * *

_"You're not flying," Ash said with a sigh. "You're drunk. The road was against them. May felt a sharp bang against her chest that smacked her body onto the pavement f__loor. Ash was quick to grab her and stand her up again. Ash panted, worried that she had injured herself. "Are you alright?" he gasped._

_May giggled as she covered her face. "Yeah, I'm alright. Except... my makeup is ruined again."_

_"I told you this before. I'm not worried about your makeup," Ash admitted. "You don't need it anyway._

* * *

"Alcohol's the only makeup you need," Arceus commented in a sickly-sweet voice.

* * *

_ Let's go into one of the clubs. I'll carry ya!"_

_"That's so sweet," May yelled as she kissed Ash's cheek. Her breath reeked of alcohol._

_The lovebirds entered one of the nightclubs and quickly became the centre of attention. In the end, Ash consumed several Jägerbombs and a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. Their mind was clear as the danced the whole night. For at least three hours, reality became a blur and they knew that they had each other to keep them safe._

_3AM, Ash and May slowly marched out of the club holding hands._

* * *

"We're off to see the... hic... Wonderful Wizard... hic... of Oz!" Arceus and Mew harmonized.

* * *

_"I must admit that I'm really hungry," May said out of the blue._

_"Why don't we get something to eat then?" Ash suggested._

_May nodded. "That's a great idea."_

_"What do you fancy?" Ash asked. "Most of the restaurants are closed, but there are some takeaways we can go to."_

_May pointed her finger to one of the kebab shops with the lights shining on the other side of the road. "I think they'll have the best kebab and chips in the world."_

_Ash tilted his head as he grabbed onto his girlfriend's hand. "Sounds good. Let's get something to eat."_

* * *

"Some things never change," Arceus commented reservedly.

* * *

_Neither the golden sun nor silver moon mentioned the epic hangover the next morning. May was the first to open her eyes. Her brown hair mixed wth Ash's raven hair. She screamed_

* * *

"DINKLEBURG!" Mew shouted.

* * *

_ as she found their together naked bodies covered in kebab grease and cold chips. "What the hell happened last night?" May shrieked._

_Ash grumbled as he slowly opened his own eyes only to be greeted with an empty tin stuck on his foot. "I have no idea."_

_"This is a mess!" May exclaimed. "We need to have a bath. Ow... my body hurts." May had one hand rubbing her head and the other on her back._

_"Well you did fall over after drinking all that stuff in one go."_

_"Did I?" May raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember doing that."_

_"Well I didn't have anything to drink."_

* * *

Arceus stared blankly at the screen, eye twitching. "You had an entire bottle of Jack Daniels!"

* * *

_"You must have done," May said. "Do you remember everything from last night."_

_Ash shook his head. "Must have been pretty good though."_

_"Yeah."_

_"Shall we do it again?"_

_"We can if you want."_

* * *

Arceus buried his face in his desk. "And that was Golden Sun and Silver Moon."

The Alpha Pokémon pried his face out of the wood. "Ending aside, what's my Judgement?"

His eyes glanced up at the ceiling. "All in all-"

"It's just another brick in the wall?" Arceus turned around and deadpanned in Mew's direction - she just laughed uneasily and tapped the tips of her paws together. Arceus eventually relented with a roll of the eyes and returned to the camera.

"It's not bad; it doesn't try to do much, and it accomplishes what it set out to do. You get what you came for. There's still plenty of issues - a lack of description, some character quirks that would naturally emerge when you try to project ten year olds into adults, and a seeming allergy to commas, just to name the biggest offenders - but it doesn't try to be anything more than it is, either."

Arceus made a motion akin to shrugging. "Overall, it's one of those fics that I can't really offer any opinion on. It just is."

* * *

"Well, that's that," Arceus muttered as he turned around, only to find Mew staring up at him. "Yes?"

"All that reading about food's made me a bit hungry, Arcy," the Alpha just raised an eyebrow.

"Well? What do you propose you do about it?" Mew opened her mouth only to get cut off. "And before you say it, no; I'm not ripping off Glory For Sleep again."

The Pokémon's ears dropped but then perked up again. "How about ice cream?"

Arceus blinked and looked to the side for a few seconds before returning his attention to Mew. "Very well, I suppose I can take you to get some. And perhaps we can invite Genesect."

Mew frowned. "I can't go on my own this time?"

"The last time you went to get ice cream without my supervision, Cinnabar Island exploded," Arceus retorted, eyes narrowed. Before Mew could offer a comeback, the Normal Type's eyes flashed and they were gone.

* * *

**The End:**

_**Special Thanks:**_

_DragonNiro_

_TheGrunt22_

_Mr. Grool_

* * *

The credits were suddenly cut off as three men in matching red uniforms burst into the Hall of Origin.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! You are... all..." Cardinal Ximenez dropped his outstretched arm when he realized he was shouting at thin air. Biggles cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Well, nobody did expect us, apparently," Ximenez facepalmed.

* * *

**_Credits:_**

_The Angry Bug Show_

_Speed Racer_

_Golden Sun: Dark Dawn_

_Monty Python - Flying Lessons_

_Monty Python - Njorl's Saga_

_Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

_Seinfeld - The Marine Biologist_

_James Bond: Casino Royale_

_Mystery Science Theater 3000: Master Ninja II_

_Just Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2 - Pink Floyd_

_Investigation Discovery_

_Monty Python - Nudge Nudge_

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Lord of the Flies_

_The Wizard of Oz_

_Fairly Odd Parents_

_Monty Python - The Spanish Inquisition_


	31. Assessment 3

"Greetings," Arceus commented dully as the camera panned out to show him floating next to an all-too familiar canvas. "And now that I've actually bothered to review a thing or two, it's time for another Assessment."

"Oh great, he's back on it," Mew muttered from her place behind the projector. Arceus just rolled his eyes and opted to ignore the quip.

"Now, in keeping with our focus on the anime in the past few chapters, why not take time to analyze another controversial character?" the Alpha Pokémon's face darkened. "Unfortunately, I can't say that this one is as divisive as the previous two."

Arceus gave a nod in Mew's direction, and she began fumbling through the slides in the cart while Arceus cleared his throat.

"And yes, while I will do my best to maintain the objectivity of the previous editorials, I can say that it will be incredibly difficult to given the subject of our analysis today," a picture of Iris then appeared next to Arceus on the projector screen, and he gave a solemn nod. "Yes; Iris."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Why is Iris so divisive?**

* * *

"It's no secret that her anime rendition was poorly received by the general fanbase; most fans either found her annoying or hated her outright, while a small nebulous hailed her as the new Misty," Arceus deadpanned. "A questionable compliment when you strip away the nostalgia, but you get the point nonetheless."

"We might as well address the former first, seeing as how they're the overwhelming majority," Arceus levitated up a baton and the slides quickly switched out. "While the list of complaints can get miles long depending on who you listen to, many of them simply have their root in one overarching feature; Iris is unlikeable."

The Alpha Pokémon shrugged.

"And while being 'unlikeable' - as subjective a term as that is - is not inherently bad, such a title does not arise of its own accord either; you have to do _something _to earn ire, and it is here we will examine why," Arceus tapped the canvas with his pointer. "First, and perhaps what set so much of the fanbase against her, was how she treated Ash-"

"If anyone's going to treat Ash like a punching bag, it's the writers!" Mew shouted from behind the projector. Arceus just rolled his eyes.

"Yes, well, understandably her constant butting of heads with Ash didn't do anything to endear her to most. Now, everyone would be right in pointing out that Ash getting into arguments with his travelling companions isn't anything new - indeed, Misty and early May got into frequent arguments with him - but that takes it out of context. What made the issue with Iris different, however, was that Iris was not Misty or May; May and Ash usually apologized quickly and moved on, while Misty has the advantage of nostalgia. Furthermore, this came at a time when fans were already sour about the anime; between Ash snatching idiocy from the jaws of competence and Pikachu losing Volt Tackle, Iris quickly getting into arguments with Ash over many trivial reasons was just icing on the cake."

The Normal Type exhaled. "And here we come to another one of their points; Iris' arguments were not only trivial, but hypocritical. While arguing over trivial matters is not exactly new - one entire episode in the Advanced series was Ash and May arguing over their differences when it came to traveling only to end up in a double battle together, and needless to mention everything Misty and Ash would butt heads over - Iris constantly berating Ash as a "little kid" given her own character and actions was downright outrageous to most, especially since none of the other characters had ever stooped to continuous name-calling. And the sanctimonious nature of it all just further rubbed it in."

"Next," Arceus began. "We come to a less obvious point of theirs; Iris does nothing."

The Alpha glanced up. "And while I suppose that's a bit unfair to her, it is true that - for all intents and purposes - her role is nonexistent for the greater story. Iris wants to be a Dragon Master; that's all well and good, but it unfortunately has absolutely no intersecting goals with Ash's goals of being a Pokémon Master - it's simply loosely defined as capturing as many Dragon Types as possible and becoming good at training them. May, Dawn, and even Serena all have their goals for the story that actually have meaningful impacts on them; Iris more reflects Misty in that she simply tags along with Ash and tries to fulfill a more isolated goal in the process - except she doesn't do a particularly outstanding job of doing that either, seeing as how she only caught a single Dragon Type the entire time she traveled around with Ash. And, finally, the fact she had no intersecting goals with Ash brings us to the natural conclusion of this side's argument; she had no reason to travel with Ash to begin with."

Arceus gave a resigned nod. "Yes; as she had absolutely no intersecting goals with Ash, it would seem that the writers wanted to project a Misty-esque feeling with Iris by having her be a trainer of a specific type who constantly butts heads with Ash. Except they forgot one crucial detail; Misty had a reason to follow Ash to begin with - Pikachu turned her bike into a pile of ash."

"Ba dum tish," Mew muttered with a roll of the eyes. The Normal Type just sighed.

"Iris had nothing; Pikachu only shocked her. Thus, not only does Iris not have a valid excuse to be tagging along with Ash - indeed, she never even gave one throughout the entire run of Best Wishes - but it can simply chocked up as she feels like it, though barely an episode went by without her calling him a little kid."

"So, to sum it up," Arceus began as Mew began rummaging through the slides on the cart. "This side's view of Iris is that she's a poor man's Misty, and a very aggravating one at that. Between being shoehorned into a series that was already forced upon the fans and then proceeding to mercilessly tease Ash, Iris quickly managed to alienate much of the fans and both further drive home their frustration with BW and give it a face."

"Now, as valid as all those points may be, it is still only one side of the argument," the Normal Type titled his head to the canvas, and Mew changed out the slides. "And so, we come to the other camp - while they are predominantly Negaishippers, and thus generally not taken seriously, they still deserve to be heard out."

"The first and most obvious of their points is that Ash and Iris have plenty of similarities - and that's it," Arceus quickly ducked to avoid the rubber Torchic Mew threw in his direction. The Alpha just rolled his eyes. "No, not really. But before we get into that we might as well expound on that as well; this camp isn't wrong when they point out that Ash and Iris both have some similarities; they're both extensively focused on Pokémon, neither shies away from getting into conflicts, and the rivalry Charizard and Dragonite had did make for an interesting dynamic."

Arceus shrugged.

"Those are the most valid comparisons; and as to be expected of, well, _fans_, they take to deriding other characters, overlooking inconveniences or just blowing things out of proportion to fill in the gaps - for an example of the latter two, some in this camp have cited Iris letting Axew rest in her hair being another similarity to Ash's own habits, and rightfully so, though the obvious counter is that is hardly unique to Iris given both Dawn and Misty carried select Pokémon around," the Alpha Pokémon cleared his throat. "Another one of their points is that Iris wasn't the flat character most of the fanbase made her out to be; that she did get development."

Arceus shrugged again. "To the extent that she got and retained it is debatable, but she ultimately did get some rather noticeable amount starting with the Plasma arc. However, this is irrelevant to most who dislike her; Iris' character was already too firmly fixed in their minds, and what development she did get did little to redeem her in their eyes."

"That some Negaishippers went so far as to say that Ash's other companions were boring, whiny or flat compared to Iris-" the Normal Type lowered his head in a futile attempt to hide his snickering, which quickly turned into uneven laughter. "And that she is perfect for Ash and the only interesting travelling companion of his probably didn't help matters for them in general."

"And that's really it," the Normal Type deadpanned, cutting off his laughter with an uneasy cough. "The first camp - the one that hates Iris' guts, which is the overwhelming majority of the fanbase - views her as being a poor man's Misty, and an obnoxious, poorly done one at that. That she is a poor man's Misty has also, perhaps a bit unfairly, made her the focal point of many of the frustrations regarding the unwelcomed changes that came with Best Wishes. Her continuous berating of Ash, hypocritical comments and needlessness only cemented this side's opinion of her as being arguably one of the worst characters in Pokémon history, and left many wondering why they couldn't have just gotten Bianca or even Skyla if they were that insistent on a Gym Leader."

Arceus nodded in Mew's direction, and she powered down the projector.

"The other side holds the exact opposite opinion; it is precisely because Iris is a poor man's Misty that happens to share more similarities with Ash that they enjoyed her character so much, and for those that favored Best Wishes' changes, her outspokenness was another boon for them, and that she faced more internal issues and development than Misty did succeeded as cementing her as a strong character in their mind," Arceus sighed.

"And, as with many other characters, both camps - even if they are rather lopsided this time - have valid points and arguments, of which I'm certain I missed a few."


	32. Sweet Song

"Well, Mew," the Pokémon in question looked up from her breakfast assorted chocolates at Arceus' absentminded comment. "I suppose it's time that I got back into the swing of things."

"You mean reviewing stories about a side game almost everyone's forgotten about by now?" the Psychic Type commented dryly after swallowing. The Alpha rolled his eyes.

"If only you would take after me in other respects..." Arceus muttered before clearing his throat. "But yes, I think it's high-time to review another Conquest fic. And I believe I've found a little gem that deserves more attention than it gets."

Mew blinked and looked up from behind her bowl. "You're reviewing _that _fic? I thought you weren't going to do another multi-chapter review until Rising S-"

"I'm not _that_ shameless, Mew," Arceus retorted, eyes narrowing before the Alpha let out a non-existent breath. "No, I mean another fic entirely."

The Normal Type's head turned to the wall. "Shocking, I know."

Mew waved jovially in the background while Arceus turned back to the matter at hand. "Regardless, this is Sweet Song."

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Sweet Song" by Fortune Maiden**

* * *

_Sweet Song_

_By: Fortune Maiden_

_"I'm sick of being USELESS!"_

* * *

"Before we get into the review I might as well give a little bit of background on this," Arceus' eyes drifted down from his computer to Mew. "Given this is from a game nobody remembers."

The Psychic Type smiled sheepishly while Arceus cleared his throat. "In Pokémon Conquest, warriors play a larger role than trainers do in the main games; mainly, what separates them in that respect and emphasizes the uniqueness of their ability to link with Pokémon are their abilities. Abilities are bonuses that warriors can activate once every battle that strengthen your Pokémon and can often turn the tide - Rank II Warlords all get unique abilities. Oichi's base ability is Sweet Song; shown in both the games and magna as being able to heal and soothe those who hear it."

* * *

_"Good work everybody," I said proudly, "Yaksha is ours!"_

* * *

"It sure is, whoever you are," Arceus commented cheerfully.

* * *

_At my announcement, a roar of cheer erupted from the warriors and Pokémon alike, though it was a fairly subdued cheer, as fatigue reigned over everyone. The battle had been long and difficult. Kotaro's army had put up a better fight than we'd anticipated—not only was his army's strength a challenge, but his illusions and the tricks of the battlefield had caught us all unaware. It was nothing short of a miracle that we'd—_

_No. What a horrible thing to even consider. We'd won because of our strength and our bonds with our partners._

* * *

"So... sheer power?" Mew commented.

Arceus rolled his eyes. "Yes, no tactics or strategy here folks, just friendship. We're the good guys, after all."

* * *

_The period after a battle was always the most difficult. New recruits had to be screened, defenses had to be fortified, the geopolitical climate had to be learned… but most importantly, injuries had to be tended to._

_We set up an infirmary on the newly acquired castle's ground floor, and after leaving Vaporeon in the safe hands of the medic, I began to make my rounds; thanking each and every warrior that had fought alongside me and checking up on their Pokémon as well. Even though the army kept growing, and I had plenty of aides to handle these kinds of tasks (aides the other Warlords insisted I use), this was one thing I always felt I had to do._

* * *

"Yes, I is quite clearly noble and I will be the one to unify Ransei," Mew crossed her arms at the Alpha's remake.

"I don't know Arcy, but I think I might be just a bit too trusting. I mean, I think I is pretty vulnerable running around in a castle I doesn't know much about that I recently took from a bunch of ninja who aren't afraid to use dirty tricks."

"I think you might be overthinking I, Mew," came Arceus reply.

"I... I dunno."

* * *

_In the beginning,_

* * *

"I-" Arceus was cut off by Mew hitting the back of his head with the usual rubber Torchic. The Alpha just sighed.

* * *

_it had just been me and Oichi in little old Aurora. Now we were unironically nicknamed the Ransei Liberation Army, and warriors actually wanted to join our ranks, even knowing whom we were up against. Between their faith and Vaporeon, I almost felt like I could defeat Nobunaga someday._

* * *

Mew produced a trombone and started playing the Imperial March, only for the Normal Type to bonk her on the head. "He's not here yet."

* * *

_As I walked through the rooms, I realized I wasn't the only one visiting the infirm. On the other end of the hall, I saw Oichi standing around, chatting with some of the warriors. She had a small smile on her face, making me relax a little. If Oichi was smiling once again, it meant Jigglypuff's injuries weren't too serious, after all._

_"Ichi," I called to her._

* * *

"Ichi?" Mew wondered, scratching one of her ears.

"A term of endearment," Arceus clarified. "The O was historically an honorific."

"And we'd know that, how?" Mew retorted, crossing her arms. "Besides, this is the Pokémon world, not-"

The Normal Type sighed. "Let's not go around making mountains out of molehills, Mew."

The New Species Pokémon looked at Arceus like he had suddenly sprouted a second head.

* * *

_She looked up, and in that moment my tension returned. Though she still wore a smile, her eyes were distant, and looked like they could spill tears at any moment._

_There was an unspoken rule about never showing weakness in front of the army, so in a casual friendly voice, I told her, "I was looking for you just now. We were about to have a meeting."_

_"Meeting" was a nice vague word that no one ever questioned, so it became our code word for "Let's talk in private" (when there was an actual meeting, however, we would just be more specific about it). Oichi nodded in understanding._

_"Of course, my Lady," her voice betrayed no emotion. Not even when she first spoke after we found an empty room. "How may I be of service?"_

* * *

"Get me a soda pop and a caramello!" Arceus just hung his head at Mew's comment.

* * *

_"You don't need to be so formal when it's just us," I chided her_

* * *

_(Masamune: Imbecile!)_

"You just had to do that one, didn't you?" Mew asked, arms crossed. Arceus just made a motion akin to shrugging.

* * *

_playfully. Then in a quieter tone, I asked, "Are you alright?"_

_"Yes, everything is just fine," again, the hollow tone, "Jigglypuff just needs to rest a little, and then she'll be good as new."_

_"That's good to hear, but… I wasn't asking about Jigglypuff. I was asking about you."_

_"I'm fine, my Lady," Oichi insisted, "I'm just a little tired."_

* * *

"I mean, watching Jigglypuff fight is downright exhausting," Mew moaned out.

* * *

_Then you should get some rest, was the response that immediately came to my lips, but I held off saying it, knowing that Oichi would take advantage and excuse herself. _

_This wasn't the first time I'd seen her with that far-off expression. Ever since we learned who she really was_

* * *

Arceus held out one of his hooves and narrowed his eyes. "Oichi... _I_ am your brother."

"NOOO!" Mew cried out.

* * *

_—even though it changed nothing—she wore it more often. I could tell the battles had been taking their toll on her. Oichi hated fighting, yet she and Jigglypuff were always at my side on the battlefield._

_The battles coming up would only be worse for her, I knew._

_So far we'd only fought people she knew in passing, but soon she would have to face her family_

* * *

"Yes, all one of them," Arceus deadpanned. "Who, I might add, Oichi is not exactly on the best terms with."

* * *

_and people. I wondered, would she even be able to smile then?_

_No. No matter what, I couldn't bear to lose Oichi's smile._

_"Ichi," I said gently, "Maybe you should take a break."_

_"My Lady?"_

_"From the battles, I mean." Her eyes widened._

_"No, I couldn't!"_

_"Ichi, it's alright," I assured her, "You don't have to force yourself."_

* * *

"Nobunaga is not as forgiving as I am," Arceus replied in the deepest voice he could muster. Mew picked her trombone back up.

* * *

_"No, please—_

_"It'll be a load of my mind too," I said with a smile, "I worry about you and Jigglypuff out there."_

_I wanted to be reassuring. I wanted to tell her that she was my biggest support and that she didn't need to fight to prove herself._

_Evidently, I chose the wrong wording._

_Oichi was a strong young woman—certainly stronger than me. She always appeared so calm and dignified, so I was nothing short of alarmed when she suddenly fell to her knees. She wasn't crying; but she was shaking._

_"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry!"_

* * *

"This apology brought to you by Soap Opera vision," the Alpha commented dryly. "We now return to Days of Our Conquest."

* * *

_"Ichi? What's wrong?"_

_"I should have known," she said quietly,_

* * *

"We'd never get a sequel, we were doomed from the start..." Arceus cried out in Oichi's voice, and proceeded to overdramatically bury his face in his desk.

* * *

_"I was no good here too. You've been so kind to me and all I did was cause you undue worry."_

_"No," I knelt down beside her, "No, of course not! I-I didn't mean it like that!"_

_"Please, let me fight alongside you."_

_"But—_

* * *

"You've already been doing it for the past ten kingdoms," the Normal Type commented, non-existent eyebrow raised.

* * *

_"Please," Oichi's eyes threatened tears, "I'm sick of being USELESS!"_

_I had never heard her raise her voice before. Or speak in such a bitter tone._

_"You're not—_

_"Please, don't say it," she said. I closed my mouth. She was right. Saying such a thing now would ring hollow, no matter how much I meant it. I waited for her to proceed._

_"I'm not a very good fighter, I know that," Oichi said, "I feel I've learned a lot training under you and the other Warlords, but I'm still leagues away from standing on even footing with any of you; let alone my brother. Every time we go to battle, I just get in everyone's way, I know that. As a general, you have every right to dismiss me, I understand. But please… let me fight. I have no worth as a hostage. If I can't fight, I'm of no use to you at—_

_"Stop that." I couldn't bear to hear anymore. Oichi bit her lip obediently, bowing her head low. Even though I always told her that there was no need for formality between us… even though she had been my first ally, and still remained the foremost person at my side… even though I arrogantly called myself her friend, I never once stood at her side._

* * *

"Which is why I've been checking on her wellbeing the entire story?" Arceus droned off, glancing back over to Mew. The New Species Pokémon shrugged.

* * *

_Without thinking, I pulled her into a tight hug. It was inappropriate and selfish of me, but I could think of nothing else._

_"You're not useless," I told her firmly, "Never, ever say that again."_

_"My Lady…"_

_"I need you, Ichi. If not for you, I would never have even thought about venturing out of Aurora like this. We would never have gotten so far."_

_"You don't mean that," Oichi whispered, "Jigglypuff and I have been defeated in nearly every battle we fought."_

_"I do," I said, "Who in this army hasn't been defeated at some point? That doesn't matter. You're not useless. I can't even think of continuing on without you."_

_Oichi sighed softly. "My Lady, I am truly grateful for the sentiment," she shook her head, "But a decoration, no matter how uplifting, is still nothing more than a decoration. It has no practical use."_

_"Morale boosting is practical," I countered, "But you are not a decoration. You are a person, and your contribution to this army goes far beyond standing at my side and charging into battle."_

_"How?"_

_There were many ways I could have answered. Oichi's importance to me went beyond words. But for some reason, the words that spilled out of my lips were, "Your... song… for example."_

_"My song?"_

* * *

"You know, the one that always seems to serve as a MacGuffin whenever you need to calm possessed people, weaken evil kings or defeat insane Dragon-Gods," Arceus shook his head.

"Wrong game, Mew."

* * *

_"That song you and Jigglypuff sometimes sing," I explained, "It's such a sweet song. Whenever Vaporeon and I hear it—whenever anyone hears it—I feel our strength returning."_

_"My Lady, it's still nothing more than—_

_"That song has saved us so many times," I cut her off, "So many times, I thought it was over; the battle was lost, but then I heard your voice, and I knew I could continue the fight. That song rejuvenates Warrior and Pokémon alike. And no one but you can sing it. You're not useless, Ichi. We wouldn't be here now if not for you."_

_Oichi stayed quiet and still for a while. Then, I felt her arms wrap around me and her face press into my shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered and then after a hesitant pause whispered my name, which I still longed for her to use freely._

_When we broke apart and I looked into her eyes. They still glistened with tears, but her smile was genuine and if they spilled now, they would be tears of joy._

_"My Lady," she said, "Once Jigglypuff has rested a little more, would you like us to sing for you and Vaporeon?"_

_I smiled and stood up. "I would like that very much," I extended my hand to her._

* * *

"And that's it," Arceus commented neutrally. "So what's my Judgement?"

The Alpha glanced upwards, letting out a prolonged 'hm'.

"It's a good oneshot. Sure, it's confusing at parts and can get a bit over-dramatic, but it conveys the characters feelings and emotions well, and Oichi is in character at that. This is, at its heart, simple friendship, and the format of the story works well for that; it's simply the Heroine trying to reassure Oichi she's not worthless, which is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy gamewise," the Legendary's eyes glanced to the side. "And quite frankly, the Conquest fandom was in need of a quality friendship story. The majority of the stories you'll find in that now mostly-defunct fandom are either aborted attempts to novelize the main story, half-baked romances, or a combination of both. Most of the grammar present is also bad enough to burn out your eyes if you look long enough."

"So... Fanfiction in general, then?" Mew commented. Arceus shrugged.

"Perhaps, but as Conquest was already a small fandom to begin with, the pool of good stories is even smaller than most. The main reason was that back in 2012 and early 2013, the Pokémon Conquest fandom was just starting off, and was saturated with anime-obsessed pre-teen fangirls with the attention span of a Pachirisu."

"Even _him_?" Mew asked quietly, floating a little closer to Arceus for safety. The Alpha Pokémon just let out a sigh.

"More or less, but that's beside the point. For its negligible flaws, Sweet Song is still an enjoyable, if not neglected oneshot, for an enjoyable if not neglected spinoff."

"Speaking of spinoffs, Arcy," the Pokémon in question looked up, ears perking up at the reminder.

"Ah, yes, I better get to it. Thank you, Mew," and with that and a flash of golden light, the Alpha was gone. Mew turned back to the computer.

"Well, I guess we'll see you in the next editorial!" she said, waving before teleporting away herself.

* * *

**The End**

**_Credits:_**

_Pokémon Conquest_

_Myster Science Theater 3000: The Pumaman_

_Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back_

_Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi_

_Days of Our Lives_

_Fire Emblem Fates_


	33. Editorial 9

_Live from sunny Bournemouth, it's a very special episode of Arceus the Critic! Join us this Halloween as we review the most terrifying thing in the franchise before Alola Ash was revealed; Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon - the game that everybody loved because it was better than Gates to Infinity, but still has holes large enough to fly a Death Star through. _

_Featuring the expressionally-challenged Alpha himself; Arceus, and the star of the show herself; Mew! Also guest starring Jack Storm and the Lucies performing their hit number, We Just Don't Know When To Stop, and Cyrogonal the Critic with his new stand-up routine, An Act About Nothing. __All this, live from Bournemouth - now!_

_..._

_Yes, Bournemouth, with its __fun arcades, exceptional restaurants, clean blue seas and white sandy beaches, think Bournemouth when thinking where to plan your next summer vacation. Bournemouth; with it's growing electronics industry and plenty of job opportunities, there's a place-_

"MEW!"

The pink Legendary in question dropped the microphone in her stubby paws and instinctively ducked when Arceus' powerful voice bounced off the walls and slammed into her ears. Arceus appeared in the doorway to his study a second later, red eyes narrowed, and Mew chuckled uneasily. An uncomfortable silence followed for a few seconds, only for Arceus to shutter the deafening quiet with a silent sigh.

"Jack Storm and the Lucies?" Mew just glanced down at the floor and blushed. The Alpha just shook his head and then motioned for Mew to follow. A few seconds later both Legendaries found themselves in the great hall - Arceus had placed the table they normally used for Christmas in the center of it, and Mew took notice of the camera at the other end of the room pointed straight at it. Only one thing came to mind as Arceus floated behind the ornately-carved piece of mahogany.

"Is it time for the State of the Union Address already?" that quip earned her a roll of the eyes and a bonk on the head as the Normal Type materialized a chair for her to sit in.

"No, but it is time for a review I'm certain no one has been anticipating given it's about a year overdue, yet sorely needed," Arceus replied, before shifting his gaze to the camera. "And so, without further ado, I give you our critique of Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon."

**Arceus the Critic**

**Pokémon 'Redemption of the Franchise' Dungeon**

* * *

"That was what it was marketed as, at least," Arceus said dryly. "And I'm not contending it was, either; despite the fact I'm about to tear into it like a good steak, at the end of the day Super was still a good game that redeemed the franchise from the train wreck that was Gates to Infinity."

Mew raised an eyebrow. "But wasn't it universally praised by fans?"

"Because it was the game the franchise needed, not the game it deserved," came Arceus' retort. Mew just blinked. "First, why don't we touch on the game? It's the most solid part of Super, anyhow."

"All in all," Arceus began, "There's actually not much to say here that Keldeo didn't already cover in his review; the game part of the game easily matches up to Sky - the AI is probably the best yet, other continents and the World Map were a joy to explore, Coalition made moves that you would never normally use suddenly an excellent choice, Hunger was actually grounded, Move Leveling was kept, more Pokémon can be chosen, and overall it was just a fun game."

The Alpha's eyes narrowed. "But it still had plenty of stupid decisions. Why don't we start with one of the most insulting?"

**Looplets and Emeras**

"Huh!?" Mew exclaimed, looking up at Arceus in confusion. "But they brought back IQ through them!"

"Exactly," Arceus nodded. "They brought back IQ through Emeras - not through IQ itself."

"That's awfully pedantic, isn't it?" the New Species Pokémon shot back, stubby arms crossed. The Normal Type shook his head.

"Not at all, especially if the implementation is infuriating," a red eye glanced down at the pink form below it. "Tell me, Mew, what was the point of IQ originally?"

"To give some variety to Pokémon? Make them feel unique and reward you as time progressed by making them a more seasoned explorer?" Arceus nodded.

"And how did Looplets work?"

"You found Emeras in dungeons, put them into a Looplet and once..." Mew blinked when she realized what the Alpha was getting at. "Oh."

"Yes; Looplets and Emeras were a poor replacement for IQ precisely because they went against what IQ was supposed to be; progression. Looplets were constrictive and Emeras were chance; both meant nothing once you finished the dungeon you were in."

"But they were more flexible than the old IQ system!" Mew chimed in. Arceus just shook his head.

"If making the IQ system more flexible and customizable than its past incarnations was the driving design decision by the attempt to reintroduce it, the solution should not have been to have an item with an arbitrary number of slots take up a slot in your bag, and then have your skills be based on whatever you could come across in a dungeon only to go away immediately afterwards, but something as simple as having IQ sets branch or be able to learn skills normally out of your particular tree by TM-like items. Otherwise it reduces it to the simple luck of the draw, which is not fun or what IQ was supposed to be; that many Emeras actually shared names with the IQ skills of old was proof enough that this was their attempt to replace them."

Red orbs returned to the red light staring back at them. "Cliché though it might be; if it isn't broken, don't fix it."

**Forced Three Team Members**

"Why?" Arceus deadpanned. "Was Four really that bad?"

Mew shrugged. "I guess the Connection Orb mandated it?"

The Alabaster Legendary sighed. "There was nothing forcing you to take four members in the previous games - I quite enjoyed being able explore dungeons alone."

"I always enjoyed it when you brought me along, Arcy!" The DNA soup of a Pokémon pumped a paw in the air. "Just the two of us against the world!"

The grey of Arceus' face gained a rosy hue for the briefest of seconds, only to disappear as he coughed. "Yes, well, forcing you to more or less always have three people was both annoying and disheartening to say the least. Why? What rationale was there for such a change?"

The Normal Type looked down at his fellow Legendary like she could provide an answer - all he got was a bewildered shrug. Arceus' eyes snapped back up. "And, for that matter, it's clear it wasn't something that was just forgotten; Super is a first by actually allowing you to exceed the traditional four-party member hardcap during story missions, with some having six people in your party, so it's clear it wasn't something that was restricted by the code. It just seemed to be an arbitrary restriction that was done for the sake of it. And speaking of stuff done for the sake of it..."

**No Move Levelling Training**

"Move Levelling; having older moves that you use a lot become more powerful and accurate over time was probably the only improvement Gates to Infinity could realistically hold over Explorers," Arceus nodded. "And it was good that they brought it back - except they left out the part where you could pay tutors to help level up moves. As Keldeo noted, would it really have been too much trouble to have Hawlucha's Slam School fill that role?"

Mew put a paw to her non-existent chin. "Well, it's not like there was as much money available for use in Super as compared to previous titles."

Arceus nodded. "And that is what brings us to our next quibble, and perhaps the biggest:"

**Missions**

"They're not as bad as back in Gates to Infinity - at least you can take more than one mission at a time, now - but they're still dull," The Alpha glanced to the side. "While I understand the Connection Orb mandated a change to how they functioned, the results were less than optimal; money was removed altogether as a reward with rewards being less common, Outlaw missions, despite being able to get some that resemble them, still have not made a return, and now almost all missions are predetermined by the Connection Orb."

"More or less, missions now feel like over-glorified errands - indeed, there are actually some missions that require nothing more than delivering a letter to somebody - and simply a means to an end to fill up an over-glorified Pokedex. They're not particularly rewarding, and since most of them are already predetermined, not particularly intriguing once you finish them once. In a way, it undermines the whole thematic point of the Expedition society."

**Continents**

"All right, hold on," Mew said, throwing out her arms. "Didn't you list the Continents and World Map as one of the _good _things about Super back at the beginning of the chapter?"

Arceus nodded. "Yes - the large expanse of the world and the many places to explore and unlock truly did make you feel like a first-rate explor- eh, Expedition Team."

"Then why-"

"Simple; they were poorly implemented," Mew raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Super was supposed to be the Mystery Dungeon game to end all Mystery Dungeon game - even the bland name implies it. To meet that end they also tried to tie all previous Mystery Dungeon games into one single world - while the reasons that is a bad idea should speak for themselves, this was one of the opportunities to actually do something good with it. Instead, however, rather than getting faithful recreations we get less than impressive remakes."

Mew just raised an eyebrow as Arceus continued. "Most of the continents happen to be in the shape of a previous Mystery Dungeon World; the similarities end there. They're all one monochrome blob of a certain environment, the settlements and dungeons bear no resemblance whatsoever to the previous games, and almost none of the inhabitants are the same or even reference anything that can remotely tie it into the previous games. And we can't even abstract that the places we know and love are out of the way because none of the terrain is the same, either. It's simply lazy."

"And, mockingly, it seems like the developers knew it," Arceus' eyes narrowed into red slits. "Take, for example, the Grass Continent; it's clearly supposed to be the Explorers' Continent. And the Continent above it is a representation of the Rescue Team World. Now, project the maps from their games onto them, and you'll find that Explorer's Northern Desert and Rescue Team's Southern Desert line up perfectly along the equator, like they used to be one continent. Perhaps it's just a coincidence, but all in all the world felt half-complete and rushed. Would bringing back most of the stuff from the previous games to actually match the continents you revived _really_ have been more work than making everything from scratch? We could have had Xatu open boxes in Treasure Town and Rampardos in Post Town and so on - and Pokémon whose facilities were rendered obsolete could have instead filled out another role that was needed. Otherwise it just feels like the Fall of Rome, Medieval Warm Period and Great Depression all happened at once, or this is an alternate dimension that happened to suck every noteworthy character from the previous games into it."

The Alpha let out a prolonged sigh. "Now, that pretty much sums up our issues with the game itself - again, most of these are minor things that are irritating but not crippling, unlike the arbitrary one Mission at a time rule was in GTI. However, for as good as the game was, I cannot say the story holds up - and as Super is more than a year old now and the story isn't worth the effort in preserving, this upcoming half about the story will have plenty of-"

"SPOILERS!" Mew shouted out, shooting out of her chair. Arceus rolled his eyes.

"Yes, well, it will be a necessary evil in order to demonstrate how absolutely idiotic the story is in Super," the gems in Arceus' golden wheel flashed for the briefest of seconds, the Alpha's eyes following suit. "And while that may sound like an exaggeration, I am dead serious; Gates to Infinity had a better story than Super."

Mew swore she saw the camera at the other end of the room slump over slightly at Arceus' declaration. If the Legendary noticed it, he didn't say anything.

"Before we get into the really big stuff, why don't we start off with something relatively negligible?"

**Arceus**

"Favoritism..." the feline-like Pokémon grumbled before her ears perked up. "Wait a sec, didn't you put this as an honorable mention in your list of the best moments of Pokémon history?"

Arceus nodded. "Yes; it is - I actually do something. This is, unfortunately, also what makes it so stupid."

"Why's that? It's more than you normally do; you called upon all the Legendary Pokémon and helped coordinate their efforts with Mewtwo!"

"That's _all _I did, Mew. I do nothing else than float on Destiny Tower and act as an over-glorified cell phone tower."

The New Species Pokémon threw out a paw. "Pfft. C'mon Arcy, it's pretty inconsequential."

"On its own, yes, which is why I put it first," Arceus nodded. "But as we get deeper into Super, why this is such a big flaw will become more evident."

**Krookodile**

"His alias is Red Herring and he is armed and plot convenient," Arceus spoke into a police radio that had suddenly materialized on his desk. The Alpha then cleared his throat.

"Krookodile is introduced as the local troublemaker of Lively Town in the same vein as Team Meanies and Team Skull; the character that makes no attempt to hide the fact he's evil and will come into conflict with you very soon. There's nothing really spectacular about his character upfront, nor does he really get the development that Gengar or Skuntank got. But he does have one thing that sets him apart; it's implied he's actually a part of the threat at hand, if not outright behind it."

Arceus shrugged. "And while that's all well and good, it literally leads to nowhere. There was literally no reason given or even implied for why Krookodile was at Showdown Mountain or why he had the stone tablet Mawile found - which also proved to be completely irrelevant to the plot - nor any reason why he should have other than it would serve as a Red Herring when there was no other possible suspect to begin with. At the end of the day, Krookodile proved to be pointless to the plot other than to try to draw attention away from the actual villains - he literally contributed nothing else. And speaking of the villains;"

**The 'Villains'**

"Or," Arceus' face scrunched up. "As Keldeo put it; there are none."

The Alpha gave a resigned nod. "Yes, this is one of the parts where Gates to Infinity actually manages to _surpass_ Super; Munna's gang and Kyurem were all very weak villains, but at least they were willingly evil. Nuzleaf, the Beheeyem and Yvetal are not; they are possessed by Dark Matter throughout the entire story, and much like Bittercold 2.0, have no free will of their own. And they fail even by their own standards; it is stated that Dark Matter can posses anyone with darkness in their hearts - this is a topic for later - but we never actually see _why _they're so bitter towards the world. At least Munna actually _said _they were mistreated; we don't even get that much from the people who have been your antagonists for three-fourths of the story. They're not villains, and they're not even really characters, since almost everything they do in the story they do as an extension of Dark Matter's will."

Mew shrugged. "Well, I guess you can argue that Nuzleaf was at least an accent."

Arceus just rolled his eyes.

**The Pacing**

"Is downright atrocious," the expressionless Legendary shook his head, and if Mew didn't know better, she would have thought the lines on his face scrunched up like he was in pain. "At least..."

The Alpha took a deep breath. "At least pokemon attack of mewtwo was consistently rushed."

Mew gaped and looked up at Arceus in utter shock, while the Legendary held back the bile building up in the back of his throat. "The first half of the story is almost completely unrelated to the plot, and only four characters introduced during it have a relevant impact on the story later, one of which is not even from Serene Village. The first ten chapters are simply about everyday life in your small village and going to school, and then afterwards you get thrust into the Expedition Society and saving the world. The transition is only a few Mystery Dungeons, and once you make it past there the only throwbacks are what eventually lead to the Luminous Water."

The paper-white Legend narrowed his eyes. "In short, the game took nearly half its story to accomplish what could have been done in half the time, tops. The grotto arc - something else that went completely unexplained, by the way, as the Litwick stated they moved in after it was sealed off - and all the development Shelmet and Pancham got? Utterly pointless, and like much everything else in the first half of the game, was time that could have better been allocated towards the second half. All that really needed to be done during your stay in Serene was Nuzleaf taking you into his home, meeting your partner and Espurr, and the introduction of Ampharos, the Expedition Society and the village checkpoint for the plot to work later on. You could remove half of the first part of the game and it would literally make no difference on the plot or any of the relevant characters - and in response to the inevitable objection, your partner's character development is perfectly capable of happening outside Serene Village."

"Honestly, they could have taken a few cues from Shadows of Almia on how to do the school part right," Arceus muttered before clearing his throat. "This impacts the rest of the story, particularly from becoming members of the Expedition Society and onwards; the egregious amount of character development lavished on Serene Village's population ultimately takes away from what could have been given to Lively Town's residents, who are ultimately more relevant to the plot as a whole. This is probably best demonstrated during an exchange in the Voidlands-"

"Kindly translated from its original Japanese naming of h-e-double hockey stick," Mew commented, while Arceus continued without skipping a beat.

"When Mawile deduces that Buneary is not in fact Buneary but one of the shape-shifting white blood cells of the Voidlands that happened to miss one of Buneary's verbal ticks as it impersonated him - except that Buneary had so few speaking roles throughout the game that no one would have any possible way of noticing it to begin with. Most of the other characters and even the plot points feel as equally rushed because of how horrible the pacing is - it is so disconnected that the second half of the game might as well as have been a horribly botched sequel to the first half. Not even GTI can boast something like that."

**Expedition Society**

"Perhaps no finer piece of symbolism exists for the story of Super than the Expedition Society itself; something that was built up as much as possible, and as a result was the biggest letdown possible. Even Keldeo put this at the top of his list of worst moments in Super."

Arceus cleared his throat. "As Keldeo has already gone through what a poor first impression it left, I will instead touch on every other aspect. First, it's clear that the Expedition Society was an attempt to recreate the more grounded feel of the Exploration Federation that Wigglytuff's Guild was a part of; right down to the characters and roles they fill. Except it failed miserably on that front as well; this ties in heavily to the first impression of the guild, which can be likened to getting slapped across the face with a Magikarp, as the horrible foot we start off with is more or less the only bit of development that some characters get; Swirlix and Buneary in particular, and is still the norm even after. In short; the Expedition Society is a hot mess."

Mew whistled, and Arceus felt compelled to deny his anatomy by face-hoofing, but instead carried on. "Wigglytuff's Guild had more than its fair share of comical characters and even silly moments, but it was never outright dysfunctional like what we are presented with from day one; Swirlix eating most of the larder, three-fourths of the society chasing her around town and proceed to trample innocent civilians in their path, then destroying the nexus - _all in front of the new recruits, I might add _\- and finally you being told to wake up a narcoleptic astronomer who attacks you in his sleep (his dialogue is also the same as when you faced him back in Sky). Whether it was done for laughs or to recreate the open feeling of the guild, I don't know, but it was horrible nonetheless. Secondly, the Expedition Society doesn't carry out its stated purpose that much, unlike the Guild; whereas the quest to save the world was something of a backdrop to its stated purpose of Exploration, the Expedition Society more or less feels like a means to an end in saving the World. It doesn't really put you through any trials or non-heroic expeditions, it's just there as a backdrop to the plot of stopping Dark Matter."

"Finally, there are the characters; almost all of them try to fill in the roles of the Guild Members. Swirlix is supposed to be Chimeco, Buneary is Bidoof, Buizel and Archen are Corpish and Loudred - take your pick - Dedenne is Chatot and finally Ampharos is Wigglytuff. Jirachi is more or less Hanbei from Pokémon Conquest - even having his 'I'm a genius' catchphrase - but that's neither here nor there. The only character from the Society that doesn't fit into the mold of a character from the Guild is Mawile, who is undeniably the most developed and interesting of the bunch by a long shot; the others are either horribly underdeveloped or fail at the roles they try to establish themselves in."

"Swirlix is literally nothing other than food - even getting turned to stone with the crate of fruit she was busy eating - Buneary plays almost no role in the story except for that one moment in the Voidlands which really just reflects more on Mawile, and Archen is just bland. Buizel is the better of the pair but doesn't really do anything to make himself remarkable outside of his niche, while Dedenne fails at being Chatot."

"Arcy, you could have a stadium full of people cheering at that," Mew deadpanned. The owner of the nickname shook his head.

"Perhaps, but they tend to be the people who gauge whether or not a character is good by how likeable they are - Dedenne is perhaps more likeable than Chatot, but fails at his primary role, which more or less makes his character fall far flatter than Chatot's."

"Huh?" Arceus nodded.

"In Explorers, the Guild had a lot of colorful characters, some of which were shown not to always rub each other the right way. But it never dissolved into absolute anarchy or even mild disorder like the Expedition Society did. That was because of Chatot; in a place where you have so many personalities, you naturally will need someone to keep order and instill discipline; this was Chatot's role. He could be harsh but he was also shown to care for all the apprentices - going so far as to risking his life for them - and wasn't that fond of having to mettle out punishment when he did. His role was a necessary one; he had to manage both the Guild and the Guildmaster, and carried out his duties faithfully. It's no wonder he was so stressed all the time. Dedenne already fails at being Ampharos' second in command because Mawile more or less establishes herself as unofficially sharing that role with him. This is made worse by the fact that Dedenne acts as more of a babysitter than an advisor or subordinate to Ampharos; Chatot might have needed to get Wigglytuff his Perfect Apple on occasion, but he never needed to go so far as to provide basic direction or even remind Wigglytuff what they were doing in the first place. Dedenne also does not instill the same discipline in the rest of the Society that Chatot did with the Guild - in fact, it seems that no one does. The Guild was kept in line by the fear of God alone - but Ampharos never even seems to get mad or dole out basic punishments with misbehaving members here."

The Normal Type let out a sigh. "And hence we come to Ampharos, the Dazed-"

"Dashing," Mew corrected.

"No, _Dazed,_" Arceus shot back. "Wanderer who was clearly an attempt to recreate Wigglytuff. In principle they're quite alike; a large, colorful, plush-looking Pokémon that are both fearsome and doting. Unfortunately, Ampharos presents us with the opposite of much of Wigglytuff's development in terms of execution; for starter's, Wigglytuff's Guild was introduced as being a famous exploration guild infamous for its rigorous training. The Expedition Society is merely introduced with its noble goals. While that's not inherently bad by any stretch, the former - by pure virtue of having his name be in the title - is building up Wigglytuff as someone imposing. That way, even when we meet Wigglytuff and realize he's not intimidating, we still know that he's not to be taken lightly. That's not present with Ampharos; when we first meet him he's bumbling about like a drunkard with apparently no idea where he's supposed to be. It is later implied that this is just an act and that he has a purpose in visiting Serene Village when he gets a message from Dedenne, but it's later verified that he has no sense of direction whatsoever."

The Alpha's eyes narrowed. "Even at his silliest, Wigglytuff was not bumbling. This was best accentuated by the fact that some of his best moments - like effortlessly crushing and traumatizing Team Skull - were on the heels of his most surreal. To make matters worse, Ampharos doesn't really have any moments where he really stands out - moments that show there's a method to his madness, like when Wigglytuff assigned you to investigate the supposedly unexplored Waterfall Cave as a test, knowing of the tricks there, and then played it off as forgetfulness. As Ampharos' bumbling is more or less disconnected from both his character and competence and even the plot, it just comes across as comedic relief, which obviously a character in Ampharos' position should not be subject to without good reason. Now, don't mistake me; Ampharos is not a bad character, he's just not good at the role he tries to fulfill in the story."

"Jirachi is good for what development he gets, but his roles are so far and few in between that it doesn't have much effect on the story when he finally comes into prominence in the final chapters. This leaves Mawile as the only really outstanding character in the Expedition Society - it's rather sad when you only have half the roster of the game you base yours on and somehow all of them still manage to be more developed than yours," Arceus took a quick glance to the side. "I blame the pacing. Moving onto the actual plot."

**Harmony Scarves (And other things regarding the ancients)**

"They're bad, and in part because they're not the Relic Fragment."

"C'mon Arcy, now you're starting to sound like a genwunner," Mew muttered, arms crossed.

"Understandably, but that's not why; if you'll recall, the Relic Fragment had an addendum to it; it would choose who found it, and only those who were pure of heart could enter the Hidden Land."

"So?" Arceus sighed and shook his head.

"The Harmony Scarves have no such stated restrictions, so we can safely assume there are none, and especially considering the ancients formed entire _armies _to fight Dark Matter, you would think they wouldn't want to be picky in who they protected. Which, of course, begs the question as to why Entei or myself didn't just forcibly remove them from you and go fight Dark Matter."

"Well, um..."

"And, for that matter, why were there only _two _Harmony Scarves? Outside of the Luminous Water, they were shown to be the only items capable of counteracting Dark Matter; the ancients had already tangoed with Dark Matter once, and you would think they would be smart enough to create more than two scarves and a single pool of water to supply future generations with."

"Maybe the others got lost or used up?" Arceus' eyes drifted down to Mew, and she chuckled uncomfortably underneath the glare.

"That's a poor explanation and you know it," Arceus looked back up. "In the other games, the disasters were unprecedented; a Meteor about to destroy the world, the fabric of Time and later Space themselves both eroding, and a mutated Cryogonal trying to choke everyone to death. The Ancients had millennia to prepare for the return of Dark Matter; they didn't even bother to so much as spread stories about it to warn future Pokémon. The only thing they seemed to do was formulate a very stupid plan in secret, preserve two scarfs, a single pool of water and hope for the best. And I suppose you can all guess where this is headed."

**Dark Matter**

"In recent news," Arceus began, looking down at a newspaper he was levitating. "Bittercold has just issued a class-action lawsuit against Dark Matter for character assassination."

"I thought you actually had to have character in order for it to be assassinated," Mew deadpanned.

"Perhaps," Arceus conceded. "But one would think Pokémon would have learned their lesson from the Bittercold; mindless manifestations of negative emotions are not good villains and not the way to go if you want a compelling plot. So what do they do? Make Bittercold 2.0!"

The Alpha rolled his eyes. "Yes, just pile on a grab bag of superpowers and change its' name to something less laughably redundant - that will make it threatening."

"No..." Arceus sighed out. "A good villain needs a good motivation, a good backstory, good dialogue - it needs to feel _alive_. This is why Primal Dialga, Dusknoir, the Sableye and even Darkrai were not only good villains, but actually threatening; you knew they were going to push themselves. They had real motivations, real feelings and actual reasons; your victory was not assured because they were living, breathing opponents with as much reason to stop you as you had to overcome them. Or, in Darkrai's case, sheer force of will and the knowledge that he was more than capable of carrying out what he was plotting because he had already succeeded at the start of the story. The Bittercold was about as flat as one can get - it was literally nothing more than the manifestation of a bunch of negative emotions. So, one would think that actually rebranding it and proceeding to give it a character and some actual dialogue would make it a better villain, right?"

The Alpha's eyes narrowed into slits. "Wrong. All it does is show how asinine not only a villain but a character it is."

"For starters, the dialogue you have with Dark Matter shows that it is completely and utter unnecessary as a character; it is simply trying to justify its own existence, going so far as to tell the heroes to give up, that the universe has already ordained its victory, that it will always live on and whatnot. Dark Matter states that it was created, survives and thrives on the negative emotions of everyone - that's a stupid enough premise in of itself, one that should have been discarded with GTI, and it's plan is equally stupid; uproot some mystical tree so the world will follow it straight into the sun."

Arceus' face hit the face desk. "First, gravity doesn't work like that. Yes, one can point out that time isn't kept stable by some tower in the real world either, but that takes it out of context; Temporal Tower is tied to Dialga who regulates time. It is a perfectly believable outcome given the established mythos. There is nothing saying that the Tree of Life - not to be confused with another one - in any way regulates gravity, and neither does Xerneas. A very simple change would be to say that uprooting the tree of life would have caused all life on the world to slowly die - that at least would have been believable given the mythos at hand. Secondly, the tree and the world would have been burnt to crisps long before they even got close to that giant ball of gas."

The Alpha let out a prolonged sigh. "Finally, this reveals the ultimate flaw in Dark Matter's plan; if it survives on the negative emotions of everyone, then killing everything will ultimately doom it as well. Wouldn't turning everyone into stone be enough? If it thinks its victory is already predestined, then why does it even bother to put up a fight, or was bested in the first place? If it can infect anyone with Darkness in their hearts, why doesn't it just infect everyone? At the end of the day, it's clear that Dark Matter is just trying to justify its own existence, which shows it does not have to exist at all. It also shows that it is downright suicidal, or just unbelievably shortsighted."

"Well, it _is _the nexus of a ton of negative emotions, Arcy - you could say it's just not logical."

"It shows exceptional planning skills in carrying out its scheme, Mew; its plan just happens to be idiotic because Dark Matter is equally idiotic as a villain - we might as well as just call it Dank Matter and get it over with," Mew tried to hide her snickering as Arceus turned back to the camera.

"And how do you defeat Dark Matter in game? Simple; your partner makes peace with their negative emotions... What!?" Arceus blinked. "So, one person making peace with their anger suddenly convinces Dark Matter - which is a nexus of _everyone's _negative emotions - to commit the equivalent of suicide by making it feel loved and accepted?"

Arceus broke the desk below in half with his forehead; Mew just bowed in reverence and muttered 'sensei'. "First, Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn already demonstrated how to do this properly, and this is not the way. Secondly, you couldn't ask for a more heavy-handed and inelegant delivery of the story's moral if you tried."

The Alpha Pokémon shook the dust and splinters off his face, and did his best to ignore the incoming headache. "I... I'm not going to elucidate on this point any more. Dark Matter was simply a worse villain than Bittercold by actually demonstrating how pointless it was through its own logic, and why these manifestation type villains are simply not effective. Frankly, _I _would have made a better villain. But the worst has yet to come;"

**Your partner being...**

"ME!" Mew shouted cheerfully, jumping out of her seat.

"Yes, to end the story the writers decided on one final plot twist; your partner was the reincarnation of the ancient Mew who led and organized the army that defeated Dark Matter the first time."

"What a twist!" Mew exclaimed in her best imitation of a certain director.

"It certainly could give Shyamalan a run for his money, from how inexplicable it is, to the fact it makes the plot pointlessly confusing, and right down to how unnecessary it is," Arceus said with a small nod. "This is a completely and utterly pointless plot twist; take it away, and it literally changes nothing about the plot, the backstory, or your partner's character. It feels like it was only added in in an attempt to give an earth-shattering plot twist since the game had yet to have one, and so Chunsoft could say they did something different this time; 'Hey! It's not you that has to go away, this time it's your partner!'."

Mew crossed her arms. "Except it was explained that I wanted to wipe away my memories so I could eventually figure out how to permanently defeat Dark Matter instead of just using the same methods - even dragging someone in from the Human World had failed!"

"And to remedy that, you planned to completely wipe away your memory - because clearly there was nothing useful for fighting against Dark Matter in there, let alone _that _being what prevented you from using something as basic as the Scientific Method - took a gamble that you would be reborn when Bittercold 2.0 was making its return, and decided to offer up the world and everyone in it as bait to draw it back out, which is more or less the equivalent of trying to put out a fire by dousing it with gasoline."

Mew had crossed her arms and slowly began to sink deeper into her chair at Arceus' lengthy retort, before finally throwing her paws up in the air when he was finished. "Look, I'm not a good general, alright!"

"Which is why I always beat you whenever we play Conquest," came Arceus' droll reply. Mew shot him a glare.

"No, it's because you always bring yourself out on the field."

"Well, Conquest was the only game to _properly _represent my prowess," Arceus said, voice becoming a little lighter. Mew tugged at the fur on the top of her head.

"PROPERLY!? You can put both Mega Raquaza and the Porygon-Z in Temporal Tower to shame!" the New Species Pokémon then sank back into her chair.

"Anyways, whoever thought putting me in charge of an army was a good idea was the real idiot..." sapphire orbs slowly glanced up at the pillar of marble and gold towering above her. "And where were you during the backstory, by the way?"

"I was busy doing what I am usually occupied with," the Alpha replied quickly.

"Nothing?"

"Yes," Arceus' attention returned to the camera. "Anyways, the needlessness of such a plot twist is perhaps best demonstrated by that; remove it, and Mew simply remains a character in ancient texts who valiantly led the world against Dark Matter the first time, but seemed a little short-sighted in not better preparing future generations for it. Have Mew turn out to be your partner and the lack of preparation a conscious act, and it instead turns Mew into a complete ignoramus when it comes to strategy - but it doesn't change anything else in the plot, other than Mew being the one to have to fade into the light instead of you... for some reason. And it still doesn't change the fact that you don't belong in the world, and that's never addressed."

The Alpha finally shook his head. "And that _finally _does it for our critique. Many of these issues are annoying but minor. Some are crippling, especially to a series that has become more famous for its story and characters than its gameplay. Ultimately, when put together with GTI, I'm going to call Super the 'Prequel' to Rescue Team and Explorer's 'Original'; much like said movies, they're flashier and more aesthetically appealing, but lack much of the spirit of the older installments of the franchise. Inversely, they're still enjoyable if you're willing to overlook some rather large issues."

Arceus cleared his throat. "Anyhow, this review's dragged on long enough, I have a costume party to get to and my throat is sore. Good day."

And with that, Arceus floated out from behind the ruins of his once-stately dinning table, Mew close behind.

* * *

**A few minutes later...**

"C'mon..." Mew muttered, looking down at an invisible watch as she floated outside the door to Arceus' chambers. "How long does it take for him to drape something over himself? It's not like there's much else he can wear..."

The thought that the door would open and she would find herself looking back at a mask of herself covering Arceus' face crossed her mind, but Mew dismissed the notion. She knew him well enough that he would probably have a costume that required some variant of a bedsheet.

Though the New Species Pokémon did find it odd that he was taking so long - the annual Deity Costume party in the Super Smash Bros dimension (in which this year they had extended the invitations as being 'you plus one') was not something that Arceus, when he didn't bother to make up an excuse to avoid going, was keen to be late to. She had even thrown her Dark Magician Girl costume on relatively quickly - the Legendary tried not to dwell too much on the fact that there was even a toddler size available for such a costume, and instead stuck to wondering if the beach-blonde wig clashed with her fur.

A handful more seconds passed, and Mew nearly reached out and opened the door to yell for Arceus to hurry up before she realized what he was likely up too - the desire to facepalm was too strong for her to fully appreciate the irony. Instead, she turned away from the door, and began counting down in her head.

_3... 2... 1..._

The wall behind her exploded in a hail of dust and bricks (none of which, she noted absentmindedly, got anywhere close to hitting her) as Arceus barreled out of his chambers.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" he declared, mentally blowing off the dust and debris that had gathered on the crimson sheet he had draped over himself. Mew just turned towards the wall, straightening her conical hat before it could fall over.

"And you thought he was going to put that reference in the last section," Arceus coughed uncomfortably and adjusted the brim of his equally-red hat.

"Yes, well, I believe we have a few more walls to break before we'll be able to reach the party," the Alpha commented sheepishly before quickly vanishing in a burst of light.


	34. At the Reviews II

_December 24th, 2016..._

It was a cold Christmas eve in Full Court, and Kyurem was enjoying it as he usually did; sitting down on his throne with a cup of iced coffee, watching reruns of old 60s sitcoms.

_"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailor man, the Skipper brave and sure, five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour..."_

"Ah, those were the days," Kyurem mumbled nostalgically as he took a sip from his mug. Cryogonal the Critic took the chance to float up behind him.

"Hey Kyurem, check out my defense buff!" Cryogonal eagerly cried. "Now I can almost take a physical hit!"

"They just don't make 'em like they used to," Kyurem continued talking to himself, ignoring the snowflake.

"Speaking of making stuff, you haven't done anything since you got shot into space! Not even for Halloween! At this rate everyone will think you've quit!" Kyurem shrugged indifferently.

"Maybe I have. There's only so many ways you can mock the same crap," came the Ice Dragon's reply as he took another sip from his mug. Cryogonal crossed his chain over his snowflake-like body and turned back to the corner that he had been lurking in.

"At this point it'll take a Christmas Miracle to get Kyurem to do something..." the Snowflake Pokémon spun around when Kyurem disappeared in a burst of light.

"Thank you..." Cryogonal said to the ceiling, chain clasped together.

* * *

"No, you haven't clicked on the wrong story," Arceus, sitting on his throne, commented to the supposedly non-existent camera. "In a moment I will be appearing in the review."

Arceus then vanished into thin air.

"Thank you."

* * *

When Kyurem opened his eyes, he found himself and - unsurprisingly - Arceus were outside a large movie theater, with a whimsical number playing in the background. The giant Ice Dragon, shooting an angry glare at the panicking crowd around them, then glanced up at the at the sign to see what was playing.

**At T****he Reviews**

**With Kyurem the (Retired) Critic and Arceus the Critic**

Arceus' eyes narrowed at the sign, and while Kyurem was too busy scaring away the last of the line at the box office, used his reality warping powers to 'correct' the sign.

**At The Reviews**

**With Arceus the Critic and Kyurem the (out of retirement) Critic**

While Kyurem frowned at the sudden change, Arceus floated up to the box office and present a sheet of paper to the awed teller inside. The man quickly produced an orange ticket with his name on it, and Arceus mentally grabbed it before heading inside the building, resulting in the entire structure immediately becoming quiet. Kyurem walked up to the box office as well, his steps coming off more as stomps, and snarled at the teller while banging his stubby claw on the counter. The man promptly fainted, a similar orange ticket ejecting from the machine with the Legend's name on it, though it was spelled 'Cuerim'. Kyurem went inside the theater as well, rolling his eyes. Everyone in the lobby promptly screamed and ran out.

Arceus floated up to the now vacant concessions counter, materializing a briefcase from nowhere, and opened it up to reveal a bucket of half-eaten popcorn, a soda and a box of Junior Mints inside, as well as a copy of a newspaper on the bottom. Arceus refilled the bucket of popcorn while Kyurem went up to a vending machine that conveniently sold notepads, and reached through the frozen, shattered glass to get one of them.

Arceus then galloped up the stairs of the theater to the showing room, levitated briefcase in tow, while Kyurem slowly marched up them. He tossed an icy glare over his shoulder before the trainer even had a chance to throw a Pokéball, and then headed up the second flight. The two critics found themselves on a balcony facing a large projection screen, and Arceus floated over to their thrones, which were still covered in debris from the last time.

Kyurem just crossed his arms and shot a glare at Arceus as he sat down.

"All right Arceus, I think I deserve an explanation after going through that _again,_" the Alpha in question coughed uncomfortably.

"Yes, well, Mew suggested we and Cryogonal dress up as the three Ghosts of Christmas and haunt you until you write something new, but I figured that this would be less painless for all of us," Kyurem's yellow orbs narrowed into slits, but the Boundary Pokémon acquiesced with an icy breath.

"Fine. But let's make this quick; I'm missing my shows," it was at that moment the projector screen, somehow still intact, flickered to life and the Star Wars theme started to play again in conjunction with the opening crawl.

_A not-so long time ago, in a fandom far, far away..._

_At the Reviews:_

_Episode II (of I): The Critics Strike Out_

"Say, Arceus," Kyurem coughed. "What exactly are we reviewing."

"It's a surprise," came the reply. Kyurem shivered at that; the last time Arceus had said something was a surprise, Mew happened. Maybe it was Jerry Springer? No, not even he would be that cruel...

The screen finally got past the opening to reveal Arceus and Kyurem standing in the Hall of Origin.

"What!?" Kyurem nearly jumped out of his seat at the sight. Arceus furrowed his non-existent brow at the sight.

"Isn't this where..."

* * *

"We came in?" Arceus asked to no one in particular as the camera zoomed out. Kyurem raised an icy eyebrow and just shrugged.

"Sometimes I have no idea what you're talking about," the Alpha looked down sheepishly and cleared his throat.

"Understandably," Arceus looked back up, turned towards the wall and blinked. "Greetings, and today I have managed to convince a good friend to come out of retirement to help present you with this editorial."

"Yeah, about that," Kyurem mumbled sheepishly, tapping his claws together. "I may have forgotten to tell my viewers that I actually went into retirement. As it turns out, a certain author realized that when you've read one crappy Pokemon Creepypasta, you've read them all. It was about time, too."

"Yes," the Normal Type coughed uncomfortably. "Well, that lack of originality has quite a bit to do with our topic today; Anime rewrite fics."

"I suppose there's a bit of irony, what with us talking about unoriginality on a website that was created so that people can steal ideas from books, movies and video games," Kyurem said dryly. "However, Anime rewrite fanfictions definitely push the boundaries on just how much an author can take from the source material."

Arceus nodded.

"Indeed - at this point they've even eclipsed your average high school fic in terms of redundancy. But, of course, what is it that makes them so awful?" The Boundary Pokemon opened his mouth to reply, but Arceus carried on blissfully. "Well, before we look into the stories themselves, we should probably take a quick glance at the primary writers; the majority of the writers for this genre are, more or less, younger and often inexperienced; they often first write because they compare Pokémon to other shows, find it lacking, and might even read some other stories of the same opinion that help inspire them. Either way - and rather paradoxically - they view rewriting an entire show as an easy way to start off their writing careers, and for reasons we'll tackle later, it more or less is. A large pool of inexperienced writers, often younger ones too, trying to either fill in the shoes of giants or rewrite an entire series in their own image naturally does not reflect well on the quality of the genre."

"Strangely enough, the only reason that making anime rewrites is such a popular practice is from the guaranteed popularity of writing one. While there are many easy ways for aspiring writers to start their career, anime rewrites tend to garner more views thanks to the simplistic nature of them and the general disappointment in the Pokemon anime," Kyurem then gave a smirk. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the popularity in anime rewrites jumped around the time of Ash's most recent loss at the league."

"Alola's going to skyrocket their popularity..." Arceus muttered bitterly. "I mean, they've even started making Generations at this point as an apology letter. If this keeps up-"

Kyurem finally tapped Arceus on his back, causing the Legendary to blink self-consciously and clear his throat. "But yes, as Pokémon continues to make more and more mistakes, more and more people decide that they can do better."

The Alpha shrugged. "And while this isn't unique to Pokémon by any stretch, they have an exemplary record of being able to shoot themselves in the foot. This is in part what makes such stories not only so popular, but so attractive to aspiring writers; they more or less already know what they shouldn't do to make a 'good' story, and generally the only thing that their readers will hold rewrites against is other rewrites and the Anime itself, which sets a very low bar. Inversely, people care about the Anime a little too much; it's not about whether or not the rewrite provided is good, just if it avoids the Anime's mistakes."

"Well, after thoroughly complaining about people enjoying these stories, I think it's time we put our money were our mouth..." Kyurem trailed off, looked at Arceus' lack of a mouth, coughed uncomfortably and continued. "And explain why these stories are so bad. Now, while it is true that many of the more inexperienced writers are making the problems with the rewrites more prominent, it doesn't change the fact that Anime rewrites are flawed on a fundamental level, so that even an experienced writer have trouble making one. The fact is, when making an Anime rewrite, you are forced to pick your poison: making your story follow the Anime too closely or stray so far away from the Anime that you've lost all sense of direction."

"Indeed," Arceus began with a nod. "To touch on the former first, many of the simpler, less ambitious rewrites stem from someone merely trying to correct only a handful or even a single problem they see with the anime; namely Ash losing so and so battle, releasing so and so Pokémon or leaving behind so and so love interest. And while besting the Pokémon anime is a noble pursuit indeed, ultimately most writers - and readers, for that matter - fail to comprehend that you simply cannot base a story off a few minor alterations and expect it to be interesting or original. At the end of the day you're still telling the same story, often in the same format and timeline, and with the same characters."

The Normal Type's eyes narrowed. "Some authors realize this and try to make up for it by making the tone or characters 'darker' or more 'serious' or by giving Ash some form of superpowers while still maintaining the basic plot - ultimately, most fail at the former and even if they succeeded it still wouldn't really change anything, while the latter just ends up turning Ash into a total Gary Stu in an attempt to sell their story as being something different. And then there are the longer, more ambitious stories that try to completely rewrite the anime while still maintaining its format."

"Finally," the Alpha began. "Some outright eschew the anime's formula altogether. They may be people who simply want to try a new setting to avoid being cliché, or find the Pokémon world too 'kiddie' for their tastes and end up making their stories as realistic or dark as possible or otherwise modelling it off a better show. The result, however, is just the mirror of trying to make Ash too serious; not only does he either get turned into a generic anime Gary Stu or a generic angsty anti-hero, but the entire setting becomes so dark, detached or satirized it outright ceases to be Pokémon - you could call it Warhammer 40k or Days of Our Lives for all we care and more or less it wouldn't change anything because the spirit of the source material has not only been discarded but outright scorned."

"Now, let's touch upon some mistakes that are found in all three types of anime rewrites," Kyurem said. "The first one is to give Ash special powers, usually relating to the Aura powers that he had in 'Lucario and the Mystery of Mew'. These superpowers are usually completely unrelated to the plot of the rewrite and serve no purpose besides being clickbait that the author usually puts in the summary of the fanfiction. It also gives many potential readers a bad first impression of the story, making them believe that Ash is a Mary Sue before they even click on the fanfiction to read. The Original Anime series is so good because Ash comes off as a normal trainer that has to learn the ropes, and giving Ash something that makes him a cut above the rest removes that relatable feeling."

"And, unfortunately, this is one of the biggest things people will eat up; as relatable as normality is, it doesn't sit well with your average viewer; they need something to distinguish Ash as a protagonist, and Pokémon undoing more than a decade's worth of growth with Unova has only made the desire for this worse as a reaction," Arceus let out a sigh. "A specific variation of the superpower-Aura/Psychic Ash is one who, instead, turns out to be a Legendary Pokémon all along or can transform into one. It usually doesn't have much of an effect on the plot, or if it does it detaches the plot from the point of Ash's journey."

"Well, in all fairness, legendaries are used just as jarringly in the anime," Kyurem admitted. "Another popular thing to do in rewrites is to, of course, add in, 'insert X shipping here.' This cliche is another guaranteed way to get readers, as the average shipping fan tends to eat up anything that supports their ship, regardless of the quality. Writers that are only making an anime rewrite for their preferred shipping tend to be the ones that make their rewrite too similar to the actual anime, with the only thing changed being one of Ash's traveling companions."

"The above is actually the main reason why the currently most reviewed story in Pokémon Fanfiction is so popular..." Arceus grumbled. "Either way, Serena isn't the only one who hopelessly pines after Ash; the fandom's obsession with either twisting him beyond recognition or pairing him up with someone can more or less be attributed as the primary reasons why Anime Rewrites are both so popular and horrible at the same time."

"I have a bad feeling that we're about to see an influx of these shipping rewrites after Serena's stunt during the last episode of XYZ," Kyurem shuddered before continuing.

"Well, now that we've thoroughly bashed aspiring writer's hopes and dreams, I suppose we should give advice on how to create a good Anime Rewrite, shouldn't we?" Arceus nodded and spoke calmly.

"The first step to making an anime rewrite is quite simple," the legendary began. "You simply-"

"DON'T DO IT!" Kyurem interrupted Arceus as he blasted out an Ice Beam, Arceus ducking to avoid being hit. The ice type took a few deep breaths to calm down and then continued. "The sad fact is, anime rewrites are almost doomed to failure, simply for the fact that writing one is a lose-lose situation. Making your rewrite follow the source material too closely causes it to be unoriginal and borderline plagiarism, while making it stray too far from the source material makes it cease to be a rewrite at all. With this problem, along with all of the other potential pitfalls, an aspiring author would be much better off thinking up an original idea for a story."

"Indeed," Arceus replied as he mentally broke the ice that had formed on one of his ears. "We also have to remember that anime rewrites are different from novelizations of the games; whereas the games have plenty of leeway since they're interactive and often skimpy on the details, one can rewrite a game's storyline without it being boring or have it shift in tone without it detaching itself from the source material, precisely because the games don't operate under the same rules as the anime. The anime is much more linear, and being exceptionally consistent in its inconsistency, doesn't offer much leeway in terms of plot divergence either."

The Alpha glanced to the side. "This, of course, doesn't mean that novelizations of the games can't fall into the same pit-traps as anime rewrites, but it's still a mistake to try to project one onto another."

"However, that doesn't mean one can't try to retell Ash's story, either," Kyurem raised a frozen eyebrow as Arceus continued to drone on. "To do it properly, one has to be original about it while still respecting the spirit of the anime. Say you want May to stick around with Ash after the Wallace Cup - a perfectly fine premise, but it would require changing the rest of the Sinnoh plot drastically to actually be interesting, as well as actually changing the development of the characters to suit the new dynamics, but you would still have to maintain both them within the parameters established by the source material."

Kyurem pondered Arceus' statement, then slowly nodded. "You're right, that does sound like a good start to writing a successful rewrite. Another thing to know is to take out irrelevant information. Some rewrites have the bad habit of including every episode of the Anime in their story, only to barely change most of the episodes themselves. For example, if you're using the previous example of May traveling with Ash, and there are three filler anime episodes that May will have no impact on, it'd be best to just leave them out."

"Indeed; stories can't suffer the same amount of filler as an anime, and that is one of the biggest pitfalls rewrites fall into," Arceus looked to the side. "Well, I think we've covered every-"

"OBJECTION!" Both Legendaries blinked in surprise when the doors to the room burst open and a shadow fell over them. Unfortunately, when the shadow came from a one-foot-four tall pink cat with a voice squeakier than Korrina's, it didn't nearly have the effect Mew would have hoped. But she didn't let that or the glare from Arceus deter her and floated deeper into the room. "Both of you have forgotten one very important point."

"Which is?" Kyurem growled.

"Moderation," Mew said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Both Legendaries raised an eyebrow while she looked up at them inquisitively. "Either of you seen Yugioh GX or even 5Ds?"

Kyurem was about to say 'what', but cut himself off when Arceus looked down sheepishly. Mew sighed. "All right, how about the 2008 Clone Wars?"

"You mean the movie that was critically panned?" The ice type asked.

"I still say the 2003 Genndy Tartakovsky version was better..." the Alpha muttered.

"Genwunners," the Psychic Type muttered under her breath before continuing. "Anyways, what made all of those shows so good was that they knew when to be dark and when to be light, and how to properly transition into one another. They got progressively darker and more serious, but they didn't shy away from having lighter moments and didn't deviate from the established world or the plot for the sake of atmosphere. Actions never really felt out of place because they were natural progressions."

Mew turned to look at the two taller Legendaries. "Basically, taking stories in darker or lighter directions than the established canon isn't bad, provided it stays true to the spirit of the canon. Sinnoh's anime the best example of this; you wouldn't fight Team Galactic with a tank or tommy guns, but Cynthia still sicked Garchomp on them and Looker fought them with quarterstaffs when both wouldn't have flown in normal episodes. That was the natural progression of the show, and because the show reverted to it's lighter tone once Galactic was done with, the impact of the more serious tone was larger because it didn't drag on indefinitely. Everything has its time and place."

Kyurem and Arceus both took a very long blink at her logic, while Mew turned to the camera and smiled. "I'm Mew the Critic, and I steal the show so you don't have too."

_Credits_

_Alec Guinness as Arceus_

_Wilford Brimley as Kyurem_

_Christopher Guest as Mew_

_Cryogonal the Critic as-_

"MEW!" the credit sequence was promptly shattered as Arceus launched a Hyper Beam through it. Mew laughed uneasily as the Alpha glared down at her before relenting with a quiet sigh.

"Well, yes, now I suppose we have covered everything, so thank you. Both of you," the alabaster Legendary floated over to one of the many stain-glass windows adorning the main hall's walls. "Myself, it's awfully late."

Arceus' ruby orbs turned back to the Boundary Pokémon still present in the room. "Perhaps you should stay for the night? We have a few spare rooms and I'm certain Mew would enjoy the company."

Kyurem waved off the Alpha Pokémon. "Maybe some other time. It's Christmas eve and I don't feel like being away from the Cryogonal for a night."

"I insist," came Arceus' docile reply that told him there was no room for argument. "Besides, I'm certain they can handle themselves for a single night - and perhaps it would do you good to spend Christmas with some of the other Legendaries."

"It's not the Cryogonal I'm worried about..." the Ice Dragon muttered before his head jerked up in an epiphany. "Wait, was this just a ruse to get me to spend Christmas with the two of you?"

Somehow Kyurem got the feeling that, were he capable of it, Arceus would be trying to hide a sly smile right now. Perhaps it was him floating around and slowly returning to the recesses of the Hall. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far. Mew, could you please show him to his room? I'll get started on dinner. We'll be having pasta."

"That and rice are the only things he can make well, but never ask him for sauce," Mew whispered into Kyurem's ear. He just rolled his yellow orbs as he followed the Psychic Type down the maze of hallways.

"You know if he were here he'd tell you to stop referencing Nine in the Afternoon," the Ice Dragon deadpanned. Mew spun around as they came to a stop outside one of the many doors decorating the hallway.

"That's only because it's secretly one of his favorites," she then crossed her arms. "'sides, it's true. It's not like he can taste or smell anything he cooks..."

"Anyways," she quickly began, a little louder than usual he noted. "This'll be your room for the night, I'll go check up on Arcy. See you at dinner!"

With that, Mew floated off, leaving Kyurem to push open the door. Despite having no luggage, he still felt compelled to drop something on the floor as he stomped over to the bed at the other side of the room, so he settled for a nearby vase.

"Maybe this won't be so bad..." the Boundary Pokémon muttered as he sat down on the bed, only to have the frame crack and break under his weight.

* * *

_December 25th, 2016..._

_"With Gilligan, the Skipper too, the millionare and his wife, the movie star, the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan's Isle! So this is a tale about castaways, they're here for a long, long time..." _Arceus and Kyurem were currently sitting on a ridiculously oversized couch the former had conjured up, watching the television while Mew and the Creation Trio opened their gifts behind them.

"…Wait a minute, aren't I technically younger than your kids? Why am I on the couch?" Kyurem pondered, but was silenced by a sharp "shush" from Arceus.

"Wow Dad, a Daisy Red Ryder repeating action rifle..." Palkia mumbled as he tore off the wrapping of one of his gifts.

"I recall you mentioning you wanted one," Arceus shot back without taking his eyes off the screen.

"When I was eight thousand..." the Spatial Pokémon muttered low enough that he let himself believe not even Arceus could hear it.

"Oh, Arcy, you shouldn't have," all three Dragons blinked at Mew's comment and found themselves staring at the leather-bound book in her stubby paws, the New Species Pokémon eagerly flipping through the pages. Dialga was the first to respond.

"Dad scrapbooks?" Mew remained blissfully ignorant of the comment.

"Oh, you even got one of the flaming Oreo incident! This is one of the best gifts ever, Arcy!" the Creation Trio each took a good step away from her at that. Arceus just let out a gruff acknowledgement, while Kyurem looked down at the parcel in his claws labeled 'Kyurem: For Retirement' and silently wondered what horror was underneath.

It was then everyone's attention was diverted when the doors to the main hall opened and Genesect entered, wearing a Santa cap.

"I brought jelly doughnuts for dessert!" Genesect cried happily, holding out a white box. Arceus proceeded to lift the lid on the box to find a dozen rice balls.

The air in the hall fell into a tense bog - Genesect blithely keeping up his grin while the Creation Trio started making bets about how long it would take for Arceus to launch a Hyper Beam. The Alpha's features softened and he lifted the box out of the Legendary's claw.

"It's good to have you with us."

"Excuse me for a second," Kyurem bowed out from the festivities and picked up Arceus' rotary telephone tucked away in one of the hallways.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Full Court…_

"Who would've thought that Kyurem was dumb enough to leave us alone for a second Christmas?" one Cryogonal laughed to another as he danced to the rave in the Full Court plaza. Suddenly a sharp knocking on the door out of Full Court was heard over the music.

"This is the Swords of Justice Police Department! This party's over!" came Cobalion's voice from behind the door.

"It's the fuzz!" one Cryogonal screamed. "Someone hide the Energy Powder!" Soon the entire plaza had fallen into complete chaos as the SJPD burst through the door.

* * *

"Sorry about that," Kyurem muttered as he stepped back into the hall, only to realize no one had noticed him leave; Mew had snatched up the rice balls and was currently being chased around by everyone else.

For the first time in a while, the Ice Dragon felt a warm smile cross his face.

* * *

"Well, this has been..." Kyurem hesitated for a moment as he stepped out of the hall and felt the brisk night air, being the last of Arceus' guests to leave, but dropped his perpetual scowl for a split-second. "Enjoyable."

"I'm glad," came the Alpha's reply. "Perhaps I could coax you out of retirement in the future if the need arose?"

The Ice Dragon huffed, but kept up his pleasanter demeanor. "Don't count on it."

Mew developed that grin she usually had when plotting something asinine. "Well, there's always my plan, Arcy."

"It'll be a warm day in Full Court before I fall for that," Kyurem replied, eyes narrowed.

"Regardless," Arceus floated forward a hair, and both instantly went quiet. "Thank you for humoring us again."

"Sure," Kyurem said, a little too sheepishly for his own tastes. The Boundary Pokémon coughed and took another step back for good measure. "All right; beam me up, Arcy."

The Alpha's eyes narrowed - as if silently saying 'never call me that again or I'll force-feed you Adam Sandler movies until your brain turns to mush' - but obliged with a mild nod. And then with a burst of light, the Boundary Pokémon was gone.

* * *

The light died away, but Arceus still stayed there, iridescent eyes gazing down absently on the tile where Kyurem had been standing. The gentle moonlight gave him an almost ethereal glow; Mew felt like if the wind around them picked a little more it would take a tear with it.

"Arcy..." Mew began, shaking the Alpha out of his minute-long doldrums. "You okay?"

Arceus blinked, and his eyes looked up at the orb of silver above. Sometimes she wondered what he saw.

"I am..." his voice trailed off, like the cold December winds and the peaks of Spear Pillar had dashed his thoughts. "Fine, Mew."

His face seemed to lengthen - in a more humanoid than equine fashion - and the air in front of it materialized for a brief second. "It's just rather sobering."

"But..." Mew blinked. "You can't drink."

The Normal Type's head titled in her direction, slowly, like it was about to crack and fall off. "Not physically, no."

The wind was the loudest thing between them for a few seconds as Arceus returned his gaze to the empty, bright expanse.

"You still have me," Mew said quietly, tapping her fingers together like the words had crossed the line from simplicity into arrogance.

That time, the New Species Pokémon swore she heard a crack from the Alpha - whether it had been in his neck as he turned to gaze down at her, his eyes as they widened by an immutable fraction, or even his face as the lines seemed to roll across his face, she didn't know - but the wind settled in between them again as his gaze finally settled down on her. Mew looked back into Arceus' eyes; from the way the green so perfectly framed the red, it was like she was trying to peer through a stained-glass window.

The Original One finally lifted up a hoof, moonlight flashing off the faint gold to present her with her own image, and brought it down to her head.

"Yes," he began as the gold touched her head, and Mew could feel the warmth radiating off of the cold metal wash over her. "Thank you."

Arceus lifted away his hoof - and Mew immediately shuddered as the cold winds of Mt. Coronet assailed and bit into her - and turned towards the Hall with its dying lights and immaculate marble.

"Come; I still remember the song," the Alpha's voice took an almost melodious strain to it as he floated in. Mew followed. "The show must go on."

The next day, as Arceus opened the one and only gift left in the hall and found himself facing the complete Glory For Sleep collection, part of him silently wished he had a mouth.

* * *

**A Note From the Author:**

Another year's come and gone. Too soon for my tastes; I can still vividly remember last year. I wasn't anywhere near as productive as I wanted to be, either; hopefully I can rectify that next year. Am I too young to regret having lost so much time already?

But this chapter goes out to you Grool (again). You've been one of the best friends I could have asked for - especially in dealing with my constant peppering about this chapter - and I always enjoy making these crossovers with you. Hopefully we can at least keep up this Christmas tradition we've developed next year.

Speaking of which, I'll see all of you again in the new year; I have something very special planned for Arceus to kick it off.


	35. Rising Storm: Book 2 - Part 1

Arceus let out a sigh as he floated through the hall.

"A new year..." he mumbled, as if uncertain as to what emotion he should have been conveying. The Alpha then lifted his head in the direction of his study.

"Well, time to start up a new review I suppose," Arceus said with a little more vigor, floating a little faster towards his destination.

"Chazz it up, Tabitha!" he heard the squeaky voice from his study - at least Mew seemed a little happier than him, he thought as he floated into the doorway.

"Mew," she blinked and looked up from her video at Arceus' voice. "I'll need the computer in a minute."

The Psychic's ears drooped a bit at his declaration. "Just one more episode. Please, Arcy?"

The Normal Type blinked. "Well, I suppose one more wouldn't hurt."

"Thanks, Arcy!" Mew exclaimed, clapping her paws together and smiling as she turned back to the screen. "I still can't believe they left out Zinnia..."

With five more minutes of free-time on his hands, Arceus floated back into the hallway. He didn't get far, though.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Ximenes shouted as he and his cohorts burst out of a nearby room and landed right in Arceus' path. "You thought we were going to come in at the end of the chapter, but we-"

The Cardinal was cut off when Arceus' eyes flashed and the floor opened up beneath the trio, giving them only a second to realize they were standing over a void before they screamed and fell in.

"Well, that's that..." the Alpha muttered, only to blink in astonishment when the Inquisition burst through the door behind him.

"You won't get rid of us that easily!" Ximenes waltzed up to Arceus while Fang produced a scroll from inside his cassock.

"You are hereby charged with being a rip-off," the man in red muttered through his thick accent, before he started shimmying. The leader of the trio decided to overlook that as he leaned in closer to the Legendary Pokémon.

"Confess, confess, confess..." he started quietly chanting. Arceus just blinked and looked up at the marble ceiling.

"Well, I suppose I was when I started out."

"CONF- Huh?" the three quickly exchanged confused glances before Ximenes looked back up at Arceus. "That was easy. All right; apprehend him!"

"What?" Arceus' head whipped back to the doorway; Mew was still engrossed with the computer screen. "MEW!"

"Man, when Clemont turns evil he really turns evil..." she muttered absentmindedly as her icy eyes remained frozen on the screen, completely oblivious to the scruffle unfolding behind her.

"It's no use resisting," Ximenes said as he tried to wrap a hand around Arceus' large hoof. "Our plot armor is thicker than the one Alain's Charizard has. Now come along quietly."

"It's a fair cop," Arceus said with a resigned sigh as the Inquisition started leading him away.

"Stop talking to the camera," the Cardinal ordered. Arceus' head turned back to his study.

"MEW! Get a lawyer!" the New Species Pokémon finally looked up from the computer at Arceus' shouting, and sped out of the room just in time to see Arceus being led out of the hall by the Spanish Inquisition.

"What!? Why?"

"He's been charged with being a rip-off," Ximenes shouted as the four passed through the open doorway.

"I don't even know where the trial's being held!" Mew shouted back, only to have a newspaper thrown in her face. She landed on the polished floors with a thump and muffled cry; by the time the Psychic Type had pried the projectile off her face - _"people still read these?" _the thought crossed her mind as she did - she was completely alone. Mew squinted at the blocky, obnoxious newsprint while her vision readjusted, and then threw down the paper when the headline finally registered.

"Of course," she muttered with no small amount of disdain, only for her eyes to go wide in realization. "Wait; I don't know any lawyers..."

The Psychic's ears dropped a bit. "And I don't have any money either... Who could I-"

Mew cut herself off with a blink. "Well, he _could_ work, I guess."

The Psychic Type then floated off towards Arceus' rotary phone, materializing a phone book as she reached the little desk it was squirreled away on. She then slammed the massive yellow chronicle down on the table, ignoring the mahogany's groan in protest, and then started frantically flipping through the seemingly-endless pages for one name.

"Man, Arceus was right when he said it was a fairly common surname," she muttered before her paw finally landed on the specific name she was looking for. Quickly dialing up the number, Mew found herself tapping her paddle-shaped tail against the wood impatiently as the ringing started echoing in her head.

_"C'mon, pick up..." _as if on cue, she heard the line click to life, followed by an apprehensive 'hello?'.

"Hello! It's me, Mew! You still remember me, right? Good. Listen; I - well, really Arcy - need your help. I need you to represent Arcy in court," Mew blinked at the response. "Yes, I know you're not a lawyer, but you can do anything the plot demands."

There was an awkward pause, and Mew cleared her throat.

"I mean that as a compliment," she then pressed the phone closer to her triangular face, like she was leaning in and whispering into someone's ear. "Besides, Arcy would owe you one."

A small grin broke out across Mew's mien at the response. "Great! I'm certain Arcy will agree to those terms. And don't worry about a suit, I'll get one."

There was a muffled reply on the other end. Mew picked up a nearby notepad and pencil and began writing down an address. "All right, I'll teleport by and pick you up. How do you feel about Bournemouth? Yes, that Bournemouth; with it's white sandy beaches, fun arcades and so on and so on. I'll be there in a minute, give or take a minute. Okay, bye."

The New Species Pokémon then hung up and vanished in a burst of pink light.

* * *

The town of Bournemouth was abuzz. People had piled into the already burgeoning boom town to see the Arceus rip-off trial; vendors on the street were selling tickets for courtroom seats along with an assortment of other memorabilia - t-shirts, pens, coffee mugs, ball caps, instant cassettes for those who didn't feel like sitting through the whole thing, plushies, pitchforks, torches, cotton candy and even commemorative spoons. Yes, here at Bournemouth we have all your Arceus-trial memorabilia needs, conveniently located across the city. While collecting all the memorabilia, come visit our many arcades and-

* * *

**A Note From Arceus:**

"Get on with it!"

* * *

But, by far, the most crowded area of Bournemouth was the courthouse itself. People were packed into the massive building like sardines - those who couldn't squeeze their way into the gallery were waiting in the lobby, and those who couldn't push their way into the lobby were trying to push their way to one of the many windows that peered into the courtroom. The fact was further exacerbated by Kyurem and Genesect taking up a whole bench, and everyone else trying to maintain a ten foot radius from the former.

"These charges are bum," Kyurem finally growled, ending a ten-minute period of silent apprehension since Genesect first sat down next to the behemoth.

"Even more now that Keldeo's retired," Genesect replied with a nod. "I hear they even had to bring in a special judge for the case."

"Well, I got Arcy the best lawyer I could afford, so he's in capable hands," both legendaries blinked at the voice, and looked down to see Mew. Kyurem raised a frozen eyebrow.

"Except you don't have any money," the Boundary Pokémon deadpanned.

"Exactly," came her reply. Kyurem and Genesect both peered into the courtroom - their bench being conveniently located right next to the doorway - and were met with a flash of blue behind the defendant's table. The image that had already formed in both their minds was dashed when they made the same two observations; a crop of blonde hair, and the fact he was a kid. Kyurem blinked and turned back Mew.

"Did you mug Phoenix Wright?" Mew shrugged.

"Eh, just his wardrobe. Besides, the guy loves blue, so I thought it'd fit," Kyurem took another look back into the courtroom at her comment, only for his pupil-less eyes to go wide in shock. The Ice Dragon's head then violently whipped back to Mew.

"Wait a minute; Jack Storm is many things, but last time I checked he wasn't a certified lawyer!" the Psychic Type crossed her arms.

"Well last time I checked, Keldeo wasn't a certified judge either."

"Well, he's a kind of jud-" Genesect was cut off when Kyurem tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the doorway to the lobby. Every reporter in the lobby had immediately just swarmed around it, cameras blaring, and were slowly making their way to the courtroom doorway as they continued their verbal bombardment.

"Mr. Keldeo, is it true you retired?"

"Can we get a synopsis of the book you're planning on writing now that you've retired?"

"What are your thoughts on Sun and Moon?" by now Keldeo - effectively cut off from the three legendary's field of vision by a wall of cheap suits - was in front of the courtroom doorway and clearly fed up. The trio heard the sound of hooves hitting polished tile before Keldeo's Secret Sword emerged from the cordon of reporters; they parted faster than a Nurse Joy from Brock. There was no time for any of them to approach the (retired) living legend, however; as every reporter's head quickly snapped back to the other doorway as if some magnet had drawn them. The three followed suit, and saw Arceus floating in it; all four of his hooves were bound with oversized ankle weights that accomplished little more than the ruckus that drew everyone's attention to begin with, and he was clad in a striped prison uniform. When Kyurem narrowed his vision a little further - unlike Keldeo, Arceus easily towered over the reporters around him - the Ice Dragon realized that, bar the cap, someone had actually just painted black stripes across his body, and went so far as to paint all the gold and grey on him white to complete the façade.

"He looks like a Zebstrika," Mew deadpanned - Genesect was grateful that Arceus was hopefully too busy trying to make it through the media to have heard that. Unfortunately, they weren't making it easy for him to get through.

"Mr. Arceus! Is it true you're a rip-off?"

"Mr. Arceus; is it true you were getting love letters in prison?"

"Did you really give Korrina the voice of Amy Rose?"

"Do you have any comments about the allegations of an affair with Lady Palutena?"

"Is it true that you locked Giratina in the Distortion World for millennia?"

"Will Obi-Wan ever get his own movie?"

"Are you a llama or a horse?"

"What is the best way to get grape juice out of carpets?"

"Who shot J.R!?"

"I hear you like Mudkips!"

"All right, no more questions!" the bailiff escorting Arceus shouted. "Let the defendant through or I'll place all of you under arrest for obstruction."

The press quickly obeyed, and Arceus slowly floated into the courtroom unobstructed, but still had enough time to shoot the trio a look in gratitude. Barely a second had passed after Arceus' massive frame had passed through the gate that they heard a bell ring out.

"Looks like that's our cue," Genesect said as he stood, watching the last of the stragglers begin to file into the courtroom. Kyurem joined him with a gruff nod.

"I'll catch up with you guys," Mew said before floating off, leaving the duo to assume their seats in the back. Genesect's eyes quickly scanned over the courtroom - Arceus was unreadable, Jack was clearly nervous and couldn't stop fidgeting with the red tie that hung around his neck, and overall the courtroom itself had the same atmosphere as the one casting itself over the trainer's face. The Bug's mechanical eyes then drifted over to the jury - amongst the Creation Trio, he made out Professor Rowan's distinctive glower, Nobunaga's infamous black armor, Zinnia's carefree air, Gary Oak's self-assured grin, Cynthia's gaze shifting between Arceus and a notepad in her hands, Guzma resting his elbows on his knees as he tried to stay awake, Korrina's long ponytail peeking out from the crowd, and Steven Stone fiddling with the sleeves of his suit. Genesect's vision nearly turned red when he spotted N in the jury box, but Kyurem's snort provided a welcome distraction.

"A rogue's gallery," the Ice Dragon muttered. The Bug just nodded as he heard a door slam shut in the distance.

"All rise for the Honorable Keldeo the Critic," the bailiff - was that Hideyoshi, Kyurem wondered - said, and the courtroom quickly obeyed as Keldeo trotted up to his seat.

"Be seated," the critic said, before his eyes gazed down to the other side of the room. "Where is the prosecutor?"

Everyone in the room took a collective blink when they realized, much as Keldeo said, the prosecutor was absent. And, of course, the doors chose that moment to swing open.

"Good morning, Worm your honor," they heard the voice sing out from behind the heavy doors that obscured their view. "The Crown will plainly show, the prisoner who now stands before you, was-"

"MEW!" Mew - clad in a court dress and a barrister's wig - chuckled uneasily as she finally floated over to the prosecutor's table. No one gaped wider than Jack Storm himself - Arceus, much like before, seemed entirely unfazed.

"B-But... But you hired me to defend Arceus!" Mew twirled the tail of her wig around her paw innocently.

"Well, Arcy was given a choice between Miles Edgeworth, me and Brawl-Era Meta Knight, and apparently I was his pick."

"I would have taken my chances with Meta Knight," Genesect whispered to Kyurem. It was the Boundary Pokémon's turn to nod in agreement.

"Anyways," Mew carried on with a more chipper tone. "I won't let you down, Arcy!"

"Isn't that reassuring..." Jack muttered. Keldeo took the opportunity to bring down his gavel - held between his teeth - all eyes quickly glancing back up to him.

"If both sides have finished their banter," the Colt Pokémon said, spitting out his gavel. "We can begin with the opening statements."

"I immediately motion for a thirty-minute recess, your honor," Mew said. The room raised a collective eyebrow.

"What!?" Keldeo his hooves into the air. "Biscuits, we haven't even asked him how he pleads yet and you already want a recess."

"Well," Mew chuckled uneasily. "You see, since I didn't have any money, I promised Jack that Arcy would review Book 2 as-"

"WHAT!?" that had probably been the first word Arceus had said since he had been arrested - the Alpha's impromptu lawyer paled and grabbed the nearest thing he could find as the entire room shook violently. It happened to be Arceus' leg. Jack's hand quickly shot back to his side as the room finally stopped rumbling, offering up a weak smile to Arceus' downward gaze. Mew did better than him; she cleared her throat in a manner almost burlesque to her role and carried on as if an earthquake hadn't just hit the courtroom.

"I also find it pertinent to the case, your honor."

"How so?" Keldeo grumbled as he pushed himself back up into his seat.

"A review would be a good way to determine if, in fact, the defendant is a rip off," Keldeo blinked at the Psychic's response.

"That's a pretty good point, actually," the Sword of Justice muttered. "Thirty minute recess everybody! There's a room in the back with a computer - bailiff, prosecutor, please escort the defendant and his counsel there. We'll watch the recording when we reconvene."

And with a slam of the gavel, Jack Storm suddenly found himself being whisked down a hall with two legendaries and a warlord. Mew apparently had a similar thought - she opened her mouth, only for Hideyoshi to beat her to the punch as they came to the mentioned room.

"I needed the money," the Ignite deadpanned before he pushed open the door. "Holler if ya need anything."

Mew beamed. "In that case-"

"Time is of the essence," Arceus cut the New Species Pokémon off with a telepathic push before she could start rattling off various demands. Jack was the last in, and knitted his eyebrows when he looked over the room.

"Keldeo wasn't kidding when he said there was a room with a computer," true to his observation, beyond a couple of chairs off to the side and a handful of items to go with the computer, it was completely empty.

"It will do," Arceus said as the screen flickered to life. "And now for the review."

**Arceus the Critic**

**"Rising Storm: Book 2" by Jack Storm 448**

* * *

_Rising Storm: Book 2_

_By: Jack Storm 448_

_Jack Storm is getting closer to the truth; with his loving brother and faithful team beside him, what could possibly go wrong? You guessed it, PLOT CONVENIENCE! What with all the crazy stuff that goes down, will Jack ever find out who he really is? There's only one way to find out; it's time for Rising Storm: BOOK 2!_

* * *

"Also known by its alternative title of _Book 2: Electric Mewgaloo,_" both Jack and Mew shot Arceus a glance from their seats in the back, but the Alpha paid no mind to them.

* * *

_Three months._

* * *

"The summary lasted for three months?" Mew shrugged from her seat while Arceus' lawyer facepalmed.

"Long summary."

* * *

_It had been three months since Pastoria, three months since Jack had freed the Legendary Birds, three months since he started scouring Sinnoh for any sign of the person responsible for sending the Birds after him, and giving him those freakish dreams, and three months since the dreams had suddenly stopped._

* * *

"But he still hears the voices in his head," Jack threw his arms up into the air.

"I'm right here!"

"We know," Arceus and Mew replied simultaneously - the pink feline was one to respond.

"You did ask for this, you know," Mew said. The attorney in blue just blinked and leaned back into his chair.

* * *

_Jason didn't know why the dreams had stopped, but it seemed to correlate with Jack freeing the Birds; he hoped that meant the mysterious antagonist had given up on that plan, which would mean that the Birds were safe. There was one thing Jason knew though; that day, three months ago, was when everything had changed._

* * *

"Pokémon got turned into a school anime!" Arceus cried out in faux-panic.

* * *

_Three months prior..._

_"Who am I, Jason," Jack had asked him that evening, after the Legendary Birds had left._

* * *

"And for that matter," Arceus began in a pitch-perfect imitation of Jack's voice that left him more than a little uncomfortable. "Who are you again? You do something in the story, right?"

* * *

_"Does it matter?" he'd replied. "You're my brother, and my best friend; that's enough for me."_

* * *

"So what if your unknown background places everyone and everything around you under the constant threat of possibly fatal danger?"

* * *

_Jack sighed. "Until now, that would've been enough for me too. But this business with the Birds got me thinking; I really know nothing about myself. I've had these superhuman abilities for years now, and it's become so normal for us; but where did they come from?"_

_"I don't know," Jason said._

_"Precisely my point. Neither of us know why I'm like this; or why I was in Greenwood that day, or who left me there, or even why I have these robes!" Jack said, his voice steadily rising. "Who am I, Jason?!"_

_"I don't know," Jason repeated._

* * *

_(Bridgekeeper: What... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?_

_King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?_

_Bridgekeeper: Huh? I-I don't know that- WAHHH!) _

* * *

_"Well then, don't you want to find out?" Jack asked._

_Jason looked him in the eye. "Why do you? You were always perfectly happy just being Jack Storm; what's changed?"_

_"What changed," Jack said grimly. "was I realized that I didn't even know who Jack Storm really is."_

_"Well, who do you want to be?" Jason asked._

_Jack sighed. "It doesn't matter who I want to be,_

* * *

"I'd rather just sing..." Arceus said as a ray of sunlight fell down on him.

"No singing!" Mew shouted.

* * *

_I want to know who I am. What if I'm putting you, and everyone, in danger just by being near you? Because that's what it seems like to me; there's someone out there who it seems will stop at nothing to get to me, and that paints a big, fluorescent pink target on all of you. I don't even know who he is, or why he's after me._

* * *

"But you apparently know he's a he," Arceus commented.

"That's pedantic!" Jack objected from his seat. Mew just coughed something sounding like 'Darth Vader' into her paw.

* * *

_"So," Jason said, "You're going to lure out the guy who's following you and get some answers out of him._

* * *

"Because, you know, that's clearly the safest thing to do," the Alpha deadpanned in Jason's voice.

* * *

_That sounds like a good enough plan to me."_

_Jack smiled. "Yeah, but a plan alone won't answer my questions. It has to work first."_

_"Well then," Jason said. "let's hope it does."_

* * *

"Oh, you're Jack Storm. You can do anything," Mew said with a laugh. Jack just blinked.

* * *

_Jason watched thoughtfully as the sky slowly faded from pitch black to a soft grey. The sun had yet to peep over the horizon, but the night was already starting to retreat._

_Up until that point, Jack had been going through the traditional trainer's journey for the fun of it. Both Jack and Jason had craved adventure ever since they were young, and the whole 'Trainer's journey' thing seemed like the perfect way to get some. After that day though things were slightly different._

_Jason sighed as he leaned on the balcony rail. "'Things' were different? Who am I kidding. 'Things' stayed pretty much the same; it was Jack that changed."_

_Jason wouldn't have taken any notice of the conversation he'd had with Jack that day,_

* * *

"Yeah, he's just your brother, it's not like anything he says to you is worth remembering," Arceus commented vapidly.

* * *

_except that it coincided with a subtle change in Jack's attitude. Looking back now Jason realized that he probably wouldn't have noticed the change if it weren't for that conversation. Funny how the world works, but then that was the root of the problem._

_Jason wasn't worried about Jack wanting to know more about his past; that was only natural. What worried Jason, was that his brother had started drifting away from God. Jason had first noticed that Jack wasn't praying and reading his Bible as regularly as he used to; gradually, maybe even unconsciously, Jack had simply gotten out of the habit._

_"Watching the sunrise?" Jack said, coming up beside Jason and putting his arms on the railing._

_"Yeah," Jason replied._

_"You've got that look on your face," Jack said._

* * *

"You know, the one where you're happy because you actually get to be in the chapter," the Normal Type carried on in his imitation.

* * *

_"The one you get when you're thinking hard about something."_

_Jason looked up at him. "You're the one who gets that look, not me."_

* * *

Arceus blinked in disbelief before clearing his throat. "Well I know you are, but what am I?"

* * *

_"Who do you think I got it from?" Jack countered with a grin._

_Jason chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense; I remember how you were always following me around. You must have thought I was the best thing since Mother's Oran Berry soup."_

_"Well, not quite that good," Jack said jokingly. "But yeah, I really did admire you; you were always the big brother. And then I learned my first move…"_

* * *

"And you became completely irrelevant to the story," this time Mew was the one to say it. Jack buried his head into his hands.

"It's dead, Jim," he muttered through his fingers. Mew cocked an eyebrow.

"Not bad," the New Species Pokémon said with a small nod.

* * *

_Jack's grin slowly faded, and his voice took on a sad undertone. "After that, our roles started to reverse; eventually I was the one in charge, and you were the one hanging off of me."_

_"I was never 'hanging off of you'," Jason said in mock indignation._

* * *

"Too easy," Arceus finally admitted.

* * *

_Jack chuckled and a smile briefly crossed his face, his normal cheerfulness returning for a split second before fading again. That was another thing Jason had noticed; ever since that day, three months ago, Jack had started smiling less and less. He still laughed, he still played and joked around, but it was only skin deep; he was never genuinely happy. He just wasn't his normal cheerful self any more, and Jason missed that more than anything._

_"So," Jack said. "What were you thinking about?"_

_Jason looked up at the brightening sky. "Do you think we'll win?"_

_Jack grinned confidently. "Are you kidding? We'll wipe the floor with the lot of them; for sure. And when we do, maybe the mysterious stalker will finally make his move."_

_Jason scowled inwardly. It always came back to the stalker eventually; it had become almost an obsession for Jack, finding the stalker._

* * *

"When Captain Ahab went on his Pokémon journey," Arceus said with a small chuckle.

* * *

_Jack and Jason watched as a red sun rose over an enormous colosseum, with three smaller arenas jutting out from the sides. Each of the four battlefields could be specifically tailored for a different type of terrain, adding an element of unpredictability into the matches held there; it was a marvel of modern architecture and engineering._

* * *

Both Legendary Pokémon blinked in confusion.

"Uh," Mew began slowly. "Where are we again?"

* * *

_In the last three months, they'd beaten the remaining four Gym Leaders of Sinnoh and collected their badges; they'd fought many other trainers as well, defeating most of them with ease. And finally, they'd gotten here; the place all trainers in Sinnoh long to some day. The Lily of the Valley Conference. They had made it into the Sinnoh League._

* * *

"Well, nothing worth showing there," Arceus deadpanned.

"To be fair," the Psychic chimed in. "It's not as if the Sinnoh League is the focus of Rising Storm anyhow."

* * *

_They'd gone through a screening process the day before, which they passed with flying colours;_

* * *

"I really wonder how that screening process went," the Alpha's eyes narrowed.

* * *

_League Trainer: Let's see... Jack Storm; Pokémon can inexplicably know more than the four limit move-cap, can inexplicably evolve in the middle of battle, and trainer carries around more Pokémon than legally allowed. Nope, nothing here that violates league policy._

* * *

_and last night the League Torch had been lit, and the round one match-ups had been announced. None of it really interested Jason, he just wanted this whole business to be over as quickly as possible._

* * *

"Because Jason has more interesting things to get back to, like not having any relevant impact on the story," Arceus dropped his head at his latest comment. "But at least being constantly overshadowed by Jack will provide great fuel for a Luigi Death Stare of his own."

"Anyhow," the Alpha began. "The next few paragraphs are just details about new moves Jack's team has learned, how Jack's training as a Jedi Knight is coming along, and how Ivy's taken to being a... Servine? Well, given that Ivy was known as the Pokémon that would never gain any experience, I'm certain there's no story worth telling there either. Regardless, they get on with the Sinnoh League - Jack sees Ash, Paul and Nicholas in the opening ceremony, more flashbacks, and the tournament begins as an end of chapter one."

* * *

_Jack: It's a bird!_

_Jason: It's a plane!_

* * *

"No!" Mew and Arceus cried out in awe simultaneously. "It's Bicycle Repairman!"

The Normal Type cleared his throat. "Anyways, on to chapter two; it opens up with Jack and Jason versus an unnamed trainer and his Charizard, and Jack clearly wins. And so, the trainer decides to send out his Golem - because clearly a Rock Type stands a better chance against a Fighting/Steel Type than his Fire/Flying type did."

* * *

_"And you're not gonna beat my Golem so easily; Rocky, you're up!"_

_Jack sighed. "I guess Rocky is technically a real name, but still; couldn't they be a little more creative?"_

_"We had a Snivy named Ivy," Jason remarked,_

* * *

"She was the best star pilot in the Galaxy," Mew said solemnly. Jack just facepalmed and Arceus sighed.

* * *

_"Until she evolved at least."_

_"Ivy is also a real name," Jack countered. "And besides, I didn't pick that name; her last trainer, Jonathan, did. Anyway, shouldn't we be focussing on the battle; people are giving us weird looks because I'm talking in Pokéspeak."_

_"Good point; on with the battle then."_

* * *

"And so they do; the trainer - realizing who his opponent is - decides to cheese the fight by spamming Magnitude, and _almost _defeats Jason, only for Golem to be felled last minute by its own repetition. And so, to yet again avoid accusations of winning the first battle of the story with only one Pokémon, Jack recalls Jason and decides to give Wendy some fresh air."

* * *

_Jack held out Jason's Pokéball and recalled him to it; he then slung the Pack around in front of him, and surreptitiously transferred Jason to it. He waited a moment, giving Jason time to tell everyone what was going on, then he punched Wendy's ID number into the interface and transferred her to the Pokéball Jason had been using. The whole thing, thanks to extensive practice, took less than five seconds._

* * *

"And the League just allows you to have something like this?" Mew asked to the blond across from here. Jack just shrugged.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth?"

* * *

_He then faced his opponent, who had yet to call out his last Pokémon._

_"What's the deal?" the trainer said in a cocky tone. "Afraid my next Pokémon would be able to beat yours?"_

_Jack rolled his eyes, and chuckled. "No, but one of my other Pokémon wanted to have some fun too; I was going to let her take the last fight, but you lost too quickly."_

_"Dude, that's harsh!"_

_"That," Jack thought to himself, "And I'm using you as a training dummy; that's even harsher."_

_"Wendy, you're up."_

_[Wendy (Kirlia) Age: 11. Ability: Trace. Moves: Magical Leaf, Hypnosis, Psychic, Teleport, and Light Screen.]_

* * *

"I see some things never change..." Arceus muttered.

* * *

_Wendy landed on the battlefield with a smile; it was true, she took every chance she could to impress her 'aunts', Katana and Lucy. Not to mention Aura and Ivy, to whom she was very much a little sister; even though both Aura and Ivy were, in Pokémon years at least, almost as old as Katana and Lucy._

_"Okay," the trainer yelled, "Now you're just insulting me; fighting me with a Pokémon that's not even fully evolved yet!"_

* * *

"Weren't you cocky about five lines ago?"

* * *

_Jack smirked. "You think so? Then give us your best shot, and see what she can do."_

_"You tell him, Uncle Jack," Wendy agreed. "Let's kick his ass!"_

* * *

"When the Powerpuff Girls get serious," Mew commented while Jack blushed.

* * *

_Jack looked down at her in shock. "Where'd you hear that?"_

_Wendy tilted her head curiously. "Auntie Katana taught it to me; why?"_

_Jack put a hand to his forehead. "Katana, you and I are going to have a little talk later."_

* * *

"Welcome back Katana, we missed you so," Arceus said with a nostalgic sigh.

* * *

_The trainer gave him a strange look. "If you're all done talking to your Pokémon now; and yeah, I've heard of you and your 'special powers'."_

_"Who hasn't," Jack said flatly. "It's pretty common knowledge by this point; what's your point?"_

_"My point," the trainer said, "Is that I think you're cheating!"_

_Jack's expression was one of complete incomprehension. "Uh… come again?"_

_The trainer scowled. "I think you're using your powers to cheat in the tournament; that Lucario had way more than four moves. You can't deny it, so fess up!"_

* * *

The Normal Type blinked and turned back to the trainer behind him. "Are you certain you need me for this? Between this, your dialogue with Jason and the summary you seem to be doing fine on your own."

Jack didn't offer up a response, and Arceus returned to the screen. "Anyhow, Jack once again internally acknowledges he holds an unfair advantage over the majority of the world's population, and this time actually restricts himself to using only four of Wendy's five known moves. Regardless, we all know what the result will be."

* * *

_With her options disappearing quickly, Wendy teleported right behind Sableye; as soon as it turned around, Wendy used Hypnosis. Sableye looked at her for a second, then its gem-like eyes turned dull and it keeled over; fast asleep on the icy ground._

_Wendy took a second to catch her breath, then she used Psychic; not on Sableye, but on one of the icy stalagmites that dotted the field. With a telekinetic strength that would've impressed Mewtwo himself, the young Kirlia broke off the entire column of ice and made it float in mid-air. She brought it over to the sleeping Sableye, and Jack realized what was happening a second before it happened._

_Before he could say anything, Wendy dropped the giant chunk of ice on top of Sableye; squashing it flat. Fortunately when Wendy lifted the piece of ice back up, Sableye was only unconscious; otherwise it was completely fine._

* * *

"Well," Arceus said. "Better than a Kirlia being able to outright overpower the Pokémon that has a double type advantage over it."

"Wasn't Kirlia given the Fairy Type, though?" Mew chimed in.

"They're even more overpowered than Jack - we can't have that," Arceus replied absentmindedly, while Jack just let out a low growl. "Anyhow, Jack wins the battle and quickly retreats to his suite amid accusations of cheating, ostensibly to get lunch."

* * *

_"Here you go," the deliveryman said. "One large Meat-lover's, one medium Supreme, two large Three-Cheese and pepperoni, and one medium Orange Islands Special. Are you feeding an army or something?"_

* * *

"I'm powered by pizza," Arceus replied in Jack's voice.

* * *

_Jack grinned as he handed the man a handful of bills. "Something like that, yeah;_

* * *

"The Teen Titans are thinking about recruiting me and I want to make a good impression," this time Mew tried her hand at impersonating Jack. The impromptu lawyer in question snickered at that one.

* * *

_"Okay guys, dig in."_

_Jack opened the boxes and began handing out pizza to everyone who didn't have opposable thumbs or telekinetic powers. He'd finished, and was about to take a bite of his slice of Orange Islands Special, when there was a knock at the door._

_Jack froze in place, and Jason looked at him curiously. "Who do you think it is?"_

_Jack got up and walked over to the door. "I don't know; it might be Ash or Nicholas, or it could just be more reporters. Although this place has pretty tight security for non-contestants, so I don't think reporters would be able to get in."_

_"Why not just check?" Jason asked._

_"Telepathically?" Jack replied, placing a hand on the doorknob. "That would spoil the surprise."_

_Without any further warning, Jack flung the door wide open; when he saw who it was, his face lit up with a broad grin._

_"It's you!" he exclaimed happily._

* * *

"Norm!" Mew and Arceus cried out at the same time.

* * *

_"Who else would I be?" Maylene countered. "Long time no see, Jack."_

* * *

"Maylene's back!" Mew cheered and pumped a paw. Arceus gave a nod in approval.

"Yes, the true star of the story has just arrived in time for chapter three."

* * *

_"Long time no see, Maylene," Jack said. "What're you doing here?"_

_Jack looked his old friend over quickly; she was wearing her traditional gym clothes, a blue and black muscle shirt and grey track pants. Obviously modelled after the appearance of her partner, Lucario._

_"You look like you came here straight from the gym," Jack continued._

_Maylene shrugged. "Hey, the Lily of the Valley Conference is the event of the year; and since there won't be another one for a year, the number of challengers at the gym has dropped to nothing. So, I figured I might as well come and watch; and not just for you either."_

* * *

"I came for Paul," Arceus said in another pitch-perfect impersonation.

* * *

_Jack raised an eyebrow. "Is that so; well come in, have some Pizza, and tell me what you mean by that cryptic comment."_

_"Don't mind if I do," Maylene replied. "And while I'm at it, maybe you can tell me a few things too."_

_Jack blinked as Maylene walked past him into the main suite. "Didn't I just say something about the cryptic comments?"_

_Jack shut and locked the door, and went back into the main room; the television was on as, up until a few minutes ago, they'd been watching the other matches of the tournament. Ash's had already finished, with him the victor; they had yet to see anyone else they recognised._

_Maylene was already getting the royal treatment from the team; Lucy was nuzzling her leg, Jason was being all formal, and Wendy was three feet off the ground hanging from the gym leader's neck. Ivy and Thomas were the only ones who looked like they had absolutely no idea what was going on._

_"So," Maylene said, turning to look at Jack and almost dislodging Wendy from her neck on the process. "I see two new faces here."_

_Jack nodded. "Yeah, that's right; Ivy and Thomas weren't with us when we challenged you. I'm willing to bet you can guess which one is which."_

_"Greetings," Thomas said in impeccable, if electronic sounding, English. "My name is Thomas, and I've heard much about you Maylene."_

* * *

"Jack has told me how you're the only human that he feels comfortable in close physical proximity with," Arceus said in the voice remarkably close to HAL 9000's. Mew snickered while Jack's face turned beet red.

* * *

_Maylene nearly jumped out of her skin when Thomas started talking; fortunately, Wendy had a firm grip._

_"He… he talked!" Maylene exclaimed._

_"Yeah," Jack said, "He does that."_

_Maylene blinked, then shrugged. "Okay then, I'm not questioning anything at this point;_

* * *

Both Mew and Jack raised an eyebrow in Arceus' direction when he said nothing. The Alpha just shrugged.

"It's perfectly believable that a man-made, computer-generated Pokémon would be capable of speech," he said absently. Mew nodded in approval.

* * *

_Maylene fixed Jack with a stern look. "Why didn't you tell me you were a move-using superhero?!"_

_Jack blinked. "Come again."_

_Maylene folded her arms. "These last few months, do you know what's been dominating every single media outlet in Sinnoh? You! The whole region is buzzing about you, and I got singled out as someone who knew you personally; the reporters were bad enough, but when the fangirls started showing up…"_

_"Fangirls?" Jack exclaimed, trying to keep up._

* * *

"They used to be Ash's," Arceus sighed as he continued with his impersonation. "But after they heard how overpowered you were they quickly became yours."

* * *

_"Never mind that," Maylene said quickly, before continuing at a somewhat more calm pace. "Sorry, I think I rambled on a bit. It's just, I wish you'd said something; when I heard how you fought off two of the Legendary Bird trio, there were so many questions I wanted to ask you."_

_Jack shrugged and sat down on a nearby couch. "We've got a while, ask away."_

_"Really?" Maylene asked excitedly, sitting down as well. "Okay then, let's see… Oh yeah, I know," she fixed him with another stern look. "When we sparred way back when you were staying at the dojo, how much were you holding back?"_

_Jack grinned a little. "What makes you think I was holding back?"_

_"I knew it!" Maylene exclaimed with a grin. "You were going easy on me! The nerve, toying with me like that."_

_"I swear I wasn't," Jack said, raising his hands above his head in the universal sign of surrender._

_"Yeah, right," Maylene said. "I'll believe that when Piloswine fly."_

_"But in all honesty," Jack said. "I really didn't hold back when we sparred; I couldn't afford to. Whatever advantage I had in strength and speed, you made up for with superior training and technique; you were more than my equal, in martial arts at least, and I learned a lot from you."_

_Maylene smiled. "Thank you, I'm glad to hear that; but it begs the question, what about now?"_

_Jack sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask that."_

_"But you knew I would," Maylene said with a grin._

_"Yup."_

* * *

"Ah, how I've missed these interactions," Arceus said nostalgically. Both Mew and Jack raised an eyebrow.

* * *

_"Well then?" the gym leader asked. "Shall we take this outside?"_

_Jack shook his head. "There's a reason I'm in here, instead of watching the matches; if I set foot outside of this hotel, the press is going to be on me like Joltik on a power line. It's a miracle there's anyone covering the matches at all."_

* * *

"Then I hate to see what the tabloids will have to say about Maylene visiting you in your hotel room," Arceus deadpanned - Jack's face went white as a sheet.

* * *

_Jack glanced over at the television, which was still playing softly; everyone else, except for Wendy who was still sitting in Maylene's lap, was watching the ongoing tournament. The current match was between a brown-haired boy and his Machamp, and…_

_"Turn that up," Jack commanded._

_Jason, who had the remote control, obliged._

_"...I repeat," the announcer said, "The fight between James, a trainer from Floaroma Town, and Tobias, who is said to have defeated all the gym leaders using only his Darkrai, is almost finished. Tobias's Darkrai has already defeated two of James's Pokémon, leaving only his Machamp to fight."_

_As they watched, Tobias's Darkrai landed Ice Beam and Dark Pulse attacks in rapid succession, leaving Machamp unconscious._

_"I remember him," Maylene said._

* * *

"Yeah, he's that character they threw into the Sinnoh League last minute so it can't be said Ash actually won something!" Mew shouted from her seat. Arceus just rolled his eyes.

"Anyhow, Jack continues to think about Tobias until a news flash hits the screen."

* * *

_"In other news," the announcer continued,_

* * *

"The city of Townsville is-" Arceus was cut off as a rubber chicken slammed into the back of his head.

"You've already done that joke," Mew muttered.

* * *

_"Three months into the outbreak of the Second Saldaran Civil War, the terrorist group known as Alpha has now overrun the Saldaran military defending the city of Cynder Falls. Things are looking decidedly grim for the Saldara Region and its citizens."_

* * *

"Saldara..." Arceus said hesitantly. "That's a salsa, right?"

Jack and Mew both facepalmed.

* * *

_"Alpha?" Jack muttered. "Where have I…"_

_"The laboratory," Thomas said._

_Jack snapped his fingers. "That's right, the old base; talk about a small world."_

_"Indeed," Thomas commented._

_"Sorry, what's that about?" Maylene asked._

_"We met Thomas in an old abandoned laboratory," Jack explained. "It was run by those guys, Alpha; a terrorists group from Saldara apparently. Maybe they needed a remote location to conduct their research."_

_Maylene nodded. "Makes sense._

* * *

"And it's not like I have to be concerned about you having a Pokémon that was formerly owned and probably engineered by terrorists or anything," Arceus said with a role of the eyes. "Anyhow, Maylene finally convinces Jack to engage in a sparring match."

* * *

_"Why did you have to pick the biggest arena in the immediate vicinity?" Maylene asked._

_Jack shrugged. "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing."_

* * *

"Our story's motto, everyone," Arceus said, Mew lazily giving a golf clap in the background.

* * *

_"But still," Maylene said. "Weren't you the one complaining about the press? Well, you might as well have set up a giant neon sign; I mean, seriously. You get to pick the arena, and you pick this?"_

* * *

"You know, I think I'm going to go take a break, you seem to have things covered," Arceus said to Jack, only for Mew to float up and stop the Alpha before he could reach the door.

"Sorry Arcy, but it's legally mandated," the Alpha just grumbled but returned to the computer.

* * *

_Around them, like the sides of a giant bowl, rose the Lily of the Valley Colosseum; the single largest stadium in Sinnoh. The manager was more than happy to let Jack and Maylene use it, provided he got to charge entry for anyone who wanted to watch; Jack agreed. To put it bluntly, the manager was set to make a small fortune._

_Once word got out, as it always does, that Jack and Maylene were going to have a sparring match, every Tom, Dick, and Harry on Lily of the Valley Island were falling over themselves to be there; nobody else cared, but there were more than enough people named Tom, Dick, or Harry to fill the stadium to bursting._

_Jack grinned. "Think of it this way; unless we hop on over to Mt. Coronet real quick, people are going to catch wind of our little match. We'll be swarmed by reporters anyway, so we might as well at least charge them for the show; this way we're supporting a worthy cause."_

_Maylene gave him a knowing look. "Oh, I see now."_

_Jack raised one eyebrow. "What do you mean?"_

_"You're not as opposed to all the attention you're getting as you'd like everyone to believe," Maylene said with a grin._

* * *

Arceus chuckled a little more genuinely than he would have liked. "And that's why I'm here."

* * *

_Jack smirked. "I have my reasons."_

_"Whatever," Maylene said. "But since we've got such a crowd here, it would be unfair of us not to give them a worthwhile show. Wouldn't you say?"_

_Jack raised his eyebrow again. "What exactly did you have in mind?"_

* * *

"A three on three battle, it would seem," Arceus said. "And if you think that Jack is going to curbstomp Maylene..."

* * *

_Aura had almost completed the exercise, when suddenly Machamp seemed to appear in front of her from out of nowhere; before Aura could react, it slammed its fists into the ground in a powerful Earthquake attack._

_The shockwave shattered Aura's concentration and interrupted her move._

_"How in the reverse world... " Jack exclaimed to himself. "How is Machamp so fast?!"_

_"You're not the only ones who've gotten stronger," Maylene said, as if she could hear his thoughts. "This isn't going to be a one sided match like your last one; if you want to beat me, you'd better give it your all!"_

* * *

"You're probably still right but at least she'll put up a much better fight than before," the Alpha said quickly.

* * *

_Jack grinned and cracked his neck. "As you wish. Aura, Extremespeed!"_

_The moment he called the order, Aura was off like a bolt of blue light; she slammed into Machamp like a cannonball, pushing him back several feet. But before Aura could retreat back to a safe distance, two of Machamp's four arms shot out and grabbed her._

_Before Jack could react, Machamp slammed Aura into the ground and then used Earthquake; the attack left Aura dazed, but she managed to dart away before Machamp could follow up with another attack. Still, Aura was in trouble; she'd taken massive damage, and was shell-shocked from the hits._

_"Aura, return," Jack said grimly, pulling out a Pokéball and recalling her to it. "I didn't expect her to be so strong," he grinned. "I guess I don't have to hold back then. Jason, you're up!"_

* * *

"Well, um," Arceus coughed quietly. "This pattern has happened before?"

* * *

_Jason had barely set foot on the arena, before he was off like an avenging angel; he blasted Machamp off its feet with Psychic, and then went in for the kill with Focus Punch. The two hits sent the Superpower Pokémon flying, and it crashed into the ground in front of Maylene; when the dust cleared however, Machamp was still standing._

_"You'll have to do better than that," Maylene said. "Machamp doesn't go down easily."_

_Jack and Jason gritted their teeth in unison; this was getting ridiculous. Before Jack even gave the order, Jason shot towards the towering Machamp with Metal Claw. Machamp waited until the last moment, and then countered with Earthquake. Jason was expecting something like that, and launched himself into the air; landing a critical hit from above._

_Jason was about to follow up with Force Palm, but Machamp was no longer there; Jason didn't even have time to turn around as Machamp grabbed him from behind. Jason let loose a blast of aura, but Machamp barely seemed to feel it; before Jason could try anything else, the Superpower Pokémon used Vital Throw and tossed Jason halfway across the battlefield._

* * *

The Normal Type finally shook his head. "And, after a hard fought and admittedly nail-biting battle, Jason finally wins and knocks out Maylene's Machamp; she calls out her Lucario just in time for chapter four."

* * *

_"You've both grown much since the last time we saw each other," Lucario said. "I look forward to seeing exactly how much."_

_Jack and Jason looked at each other; aside from Greninja, Maylene's Lucario was the single strongest opponent they'd ever fought. If Machamp was anything to go by, Lucario must be far stronger now as well; this might not end well._

_"Are you ready Jason?" Jack said with a confidence he didn't feel._

_Jason nodded. "I'll try not to beat him up too badly."_

_Jack and Maylene called their attacks at exactly the same time, but neither Lucario nor Jason needed to hear it to know what the opening move would be. Auric bone met auric bone, as the two clashed with Bone Rush; the only thing the audience could see were repeated flashes of blue light._

_At times, the flashes came so quickly that one was impossible to distinguish from the next; they blurred together into a blue glow so intense it was impossible to look at directly. Both sides were totally focussed on one thing, and one thing alone; victory. There was no time to think of anything else, one lapse in concentration would mean defeat; and neither of them was going to lose this._

_Then, so quickly that no one saw it happen, Jason was flung backwards by a blow so powerful it created a shockwave which raised a cloud of dust in its wake. Jason righted himself mid-air with Psychic, and launched a blast of aura down at Lucario; the older Pokémon batted it aside with Bone Rush and launched himself into the air at Jason with Mach Punch._

_Jason was taken completely by surprise, and threw up a hasty auric shield which Lucario shattered with contemptuous ease; Lucario's Mach Punch landed like ton of bricks, and sent Jason crashing to the ground. Lucario readied a Bone Rush and prepared to bring it down on Jason's prone form, but Jason flipped himself into a handstand at the last moment and lashed out with his legs at Lucario's midriff._

_Lucario fell headlong onto Jason's impromptu Counter attack, and was knocked across the arena; he got up, gasping for breath._

_"Impressive," Lucario said once he'd recovered his breath. "You learned well, but it is time we ended this little duel."_

_"I was about to say the same thing, Master," Jason replied._

* * *

_(Obi-Wan: It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground!)_

* * *

_Neither trainer had to say a word; this was between Jason and Lucario now. As one, their dreadlocks standing on end, the two Pokémon began gathering as much aura as they could; they summoned so much power,_

* * *

"They exploded. The end," Arceus said dully. Mew gaped.

* * *

_As one, they released their attacks at the other; the explosion tore up the ground like sand, and was so bright it almost blinded the onlookers. Neither attack had overwhelmed the other, it was a stalemate; but it wasn't over._

_Before the glow even began to dissipate, Jason and Lucario were off; syphoning aura from the air as they went, concentrating it into their paws. They raced straight at each other, through the auric maelstrom left behind by their previous attacks, unable to even see their opponent but with no doubt as to where he was, and used Focus Punch._

_When the glow finally dissipated, and the spots had disappeared from people's eyes, the two auric titans were standing about ten feet apart with their backs to each other. Then, as one, they turned around and looked at their opponent; a look of what could only be described as respect passed between them, and then as one they fell backwards onto the ground. Both unconscious._

* * *

"Because, you know, letting Maylene's Lucario win would mean that Jack's last Pokémon would have to take out _two_ of hers, and so the better option was to let the heavily damaged Pokémon defeat the equally matched but perfectly healthy one," the Normal Type deadpanned.

* * *

_Jack and Maylene recalled their respective Pokémon, and then looked at each other._

_"Our Pokémon have fought hard," Jack said, "For the sake of us finding out who's stronger."_

_"Yeah," Maylene said with a small grin, catching his drift. "They really got into it; but this is between you and me, isn't it."_

_"You've got that right," Jack agreed, mirroring her grin. "Let's finish this."_

_The two trainers reached for the belts on which they stored their six Pokéballs; as one, they undid the buckles and let their belts fall to the ground. They were both already dressed for a fight._

_To a roar of approval from the crowds,_

* * *

"Oh, look at the bloodsport, honey," Arceus said in a high-pitched feminine voice.

"But I came for a Pokémon battle!" Mew replied in a voice even more child-like than her normal one.

"I'm sorry deary, but at least you get to see someone rip someone's arms out of their sockets," Mew started faux-crying while Jack facepalmed.

* * *

_They circled a few times, but Jack didn't feel like wasting time; in a move straight out of one of Maylene's lessons, Jack leapt into the air and spun to gain momentum. When he was almost on top of Maylene, he extended his leg and brought it down on her head like a hammer. Or at least, that was the plan._

_At the last second, Maylene reached up and grabbed Jack's leg with one hand; she let gravity pull the rest of Jack's body down until it was in range, then she spun in place and kicked Jack across the arena._

_Jack was caught completely by surprise; not as much by the fact that Maylene had stopped his attack, as how she'd stopped it. She was incredibly strong, far stronger than she was last time they sparred; he was tempted to call it superhuman, but he didn't see how that was possible. Unless…_

* * *

"They got teleported into the 2003 Star Wars: Clone Wars!" Mew exclaimed - this time Arceus snickered.

"I think the entire series can be classified as that, Mew..."

* * *

_With an air of resignation, Jack raised his right arm into the air; above the stadium, dark clouds began to gather._

* * *

"Differently colored," Mew corrected. Arceus rolled his eyes while Jack facepalmed.

"Really, that's the best you could come up with?"

"Thundercats ho?" Arceus replied hesitantly - he was rewarded by Mew slapping him with the rubber chicken again.

* * *

_Without any further warning, a bolt of electricity arced down from the clouds and struck Jack's outstretched hand;_

* * *

"I have the-"

"DON'T!" Arceus and Jack screamed simultaneously, putting a quick end to Mew's impending comment.

* * *

_Jack had two reasons for this display of power; the first was the same reason he wanted to hold the match in the stadium, and make it a public event. He wanted to call attention to himself, and how powerful he had become; someone was stalking him, and Jack wanted to bait them into making their move where and when he could control the terms of their engagement._

_The second reason for this, was that he had an itch in the back of his head; a doubt, one which he wanted to either confirm or disprove for certain._

_"At this point," he thought to himself, "I'm certain I'm the reason my Pokémon are so… unique. Somehow, and for some reason, me being around them has made them more powerful than is natural; maybe I was around Maylene's Pokémon long enough to have the same effect on them. What troubles me though, is that now Maylene herself is showing almost superhuman strength and reflexes; what if it's not just Pokémon who become more powerful from being around me too long?"_

_Jack didn't have an answer to that question; partly because it was rhetorical. Even so, he wanted to know for sure whether Maylene had the same kind of superhuman abilities he did. From what he'd already seen, she was still no match for him; especially not when he was lightning-charged. That being the case, now was the perfect time to surreptitiously test Maylene's newfound power._

_With the same amount of physical effort as it would normally take to hop a few inches off the ground, Jack launched himself twenty feet into the air and landed behind a very surprised Maylene; she got over her shock quickly, and roundhouse-kicked him in the face._

_Jack took the full force of the impact, and didn't move so much as a centimetre; then responded with the exact same move, a roundhouse-kick. He timed it precisely so that a person with even a slightly above-average reaction time wouldn't be able to dodge it; lo and behold, Maylene evaded it with almost contemptuous ease._

* * *

"Anyhow, this episode of Dragon Ball Z carries on for a while until Jack pulls off the move that lost Anakin three of his limbs and ends the match."

* * *

_Maylene flew halfway across the battlefield, and hit the ground hard; she rolled several feet before coming to a stop. To Jack's relief, she got up; she looked exhausted, and she was bruised all over, but that was about it. Even so, Jack could see in her eyes that she knew she'd lost._

_Jack walked over to the beaten gym leader, and offered her his hand; she shook it, and then pulled Jack into a tight hug. He was initially surprised, but then he figured he should just accept it; it was a friendly hug, between two comrades._

* * *

"Tell that to the stadium full of screaming fangirls," Arceus deadpanned.

* * *

_Even so, Jack could hear the crowds going wild above them; he had a sneaking suspicion that this scene would be viral by tomorrow, and most likely blown out of all proportion as well._

_Even so, as he and Maylene walked back to his suite, he was happy; or maybe… content would be a better word to describe it. Maylene was a good friend, and he was happy to see her again. Her newfound power was a troubling omen, but that didn't really bother him as much as it originally had; at the very least he was confident that, if Maylene did become like him, the power would be in good hands. Better than his at any rate._

_As they were walking down the hotel corridor to Jack's suite, Maylene suddenly stumbled; Jack caught her before she could fall, but he could see that she was in worse shape than she let on._

_"Are you okay?" Jack asked, putting his right arm around her shoulders._

_"Yeah," she said. "I'm okay; just tired."_

_"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I took it too far."_

_Maylene shook her head. "No, if it's anyone's fault it's mine; this whole thing was my idea, and I egged you on at every turn. Even when I knew I couldn't beat you."_

_"You came pretty close though," Jack said. "Here, let me help."_

_Before Maylene could object Jack put his right arm behind her back, swept his left one under her legs, and began carrying her down the hall bridal-style._

* * *

Arceus and Mew both slowly turned to look at the lawyer sitting in the back.

"Very friendly, indeed," the Alpha said dryly - all three of them blinked in surprise when the door to the room swung open.

"I ship it!" Genesect shouted from the doorway. Arceus and Mew both raised an eyebrow as Hideyoshi wrestled the Pokémon out of the doorframe.

"Well we did want more Maylene," Mew conceded. "I don't mind."

Arceus just let out a gruff acknowledgement and turned back to the computer.

* * *

_"I don't need your help," Maylene said, somewhat softer than she intended._

_Jack looked down at her and grinned. "It doesn't look like you mind all that much; besides, you're not exactly in a position to refuse."_

_"So, you're going to help me whether I like it or not?" Maylene said skeptically._

_Jack nodded. "That's the general idea, yeah."_

_Maylene sighed and closed her eyes. "If that's the case, then I guess it's alright. Thanks," she added, as if it was just an afterthought._

_It took all of Jack's willpower not to laugh, or stare; he'd spent the better part of a month training with Maylene, and pretty much living in her house for all that time, but this was a side of her which he'd never seen before. She was never exactly a stickler for tradition or ceremony, but she still usually maintained a certain amount of decorum._

_Jack had always looked up to Maylene as his teacher, but now he was the stronger one. More than that, if her abilities evolved any further he might have to help her master and control them; so what was she to him now? And just as importantly, how did she see him?_

* * *

"Anyhow, after the two finish their S-Support-" this time Arceus was cut off as he was hit with a barrage of rubber chickens from the two in the back. The Alpha shot a harsh glance over his shoulder that did nothing, and then awkwardly cleared his throat and returned to the computer. "And another piece of shameless advertising, we transition into chapter five. Jack hears a knocking on his door and finds another familiar face."

* * *

_"Nicholas!" Jack exclaimed happily._

_"How's it going Jack," the red-headed trainer replied, holding out his hand to Jack. "Long time no see."_

_Jack shook the outstretched hand enthusiastically. "No kidding; I was glad to see you made it, I'm sorry I couldn't catch your first match."_

_Nicholas grinned. "Yeah, well I saw both of yours; but how on earth did you end up sparring with a Gym Leader? And here of all places."_

_Jack shrugged. "Maylene and I are old friends; and since the number of challengers at her gym has dropped to zero thanks to this tournament, she decided to drop by and watch."_

_"Cool," Nicholas replied, grinning cheekishly. "You must be quite the lady's man, to have attracted a gym leader."_

_Jack chuckled and shook his head. "If I thought you were being serious… But no, you've got the wrong idea altogether; I just trained with her in Veilstone City for a while, she taught me most of what I know about martial arts."_

_"So, where is she now?" Nicholas asked, peering past Jack into the room. "Last I saw, the two of you were headed in this direction; is she here?"_

_"She's recovering," Jack said defensively. "I overdid it with that last move."_

_"So she's sleeping it off," Nicholas said, grinning like a Meowth that just cornered a Rattata. "But where exactly?"_

_Jack sighed in defeat. "My bed."_

* * *

"Order Maylene now and get free shipping!" Mew started giggling at that.

* * *

_Nicholas laughed. "I believe I've proved my point."_

_"You had a point?" Jack said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow._

* * *

"I thought you just dropped by so we could tie this back to the first book."

* * *

_"Not really," Nicholas said with a shrug. "Anyway, we really need to catch up on what's been going... Is that Pizza I smell?"_

_Jack shrugged. "Sorry, we've already finished off the last of it."_

_Nicholas sank to his knees in mock despair. "No, please; say it ain't so…"_

_Jack chuckled at the display. "Sorry, but that's that; if you wanted Pizza, you should have ordered some yourself."_

_Nicholas perked up almost immediately, as though seized by a sudden revelation. "That's not a bad idea," he said thoughtfully. "You had that Pizza for lunch, right? So I'll buy us all Pizza for dinner; my treat."_

_"Pizza for two meal in a row?" Jack questioned. "That can't be healthy, for Pokémon or human."_

_Nicholas shrugged. "Who cares? You only live once."_

_"If so," Jack countered, "Then you should probably try not to get diabetes while you're here."_

_Nicholas sighed. "You make a good point; fine then, I'll only buy Pizza for my team since we didn't have any, and we just won't give any to you."_

_"H-hold on now," Jack said in a tone of mock-panic. "let's not be too hasty…"_

* * *

Arceus didn't say anything, but Mew got the impression he was smiling.

* * *

_Jack and Nicholas stood staring at each other for a moment, then both of them burst out laughing._

_"It's good to see you again," Nicholas said when he was finished laughing._

_"Same here," Jack agreed. "Come on in, I've got some things I want to discuss with you."_

_In truth, Jack knew exactly what he wanted to talk about; he'd spent plenty of time travelling with Nicholas, and Jack had a sneaking suspicion that the red-headed trainer might have absorbed some of his power as well._

_"Hey guys," Jack said as he and Nicholas entered the main room. "Guess who's here?"_

* * *

"Newman!" Arceus and Mew shouted simultaneously.

"Anyways," the Alpha continued. "Jack and Nicholas' teams go outside the suite to catch up while Jack and Nicholas sit down and catch up themselves. This goes on for a while until Nicholas realizes it's almost time for the next round matchups to be announced. As Jack can't write - but can somehow read - Nicholas offers to leave a note for Maylene to let her know where they've gone before heading straight into chapter six. And after finishing his match, Jack decides to watch the other matches amidst some hostile stares form the competition."

* * *

_Jack grinned. "So, Ash made it to the second round; and now he's qualified for the third too. I wonder who else made it…"_

_Just then, Jack noticed a face on another screen; his grin faded as he recognized it. Paul had also won his round two match, and without a single Pokémon knocked out._

_"Well," Jack mumbled sarcastically, "That's all I needed; first Tobias, now Paul's still in it too; with my luck, I'll be fighting one of them next round…"_

_Jack watched the rest of the matches closely; all thirteen of them. He didn't recognize any of the other winners except for Tobias, who once again won with only his Darkrai; aside from him, Ash, and Paul, none of the other round two winners would be much trouble to beat as they were._

* * *

"Just a quick reminder I'm the most OP thing since Meta Knight in Brawl; can't let people forget that even in the Sinnoh League no one stands a chance against me," Arceus said in Jack's voice, much to his consternation.

* * *

_Then the last round two match started, and Jack suddenly knew he'd forgotten someone on that list._

_"Nicholas," Jack said with a nod. "Let's see how strong you've become."_

_The answer, quite frankly, was somewhat frightening; Nicholas not only won his match but he won only using two Pokémon. The red-haired trainer called out Sunspot first, and the Infernape blew through his opponent's first two Pokémon like it was nothing; Nicholas then recalled Sunspot and sent out Frostbite, who made short work of their opponent's last Pokémon._

_In all, it was obvious that Nicholas was in a completely different league from the other trainer; in fact, Jack was almost as apprehensive about fighting him as he was about Tobias._

* * *

"In between intense sessions of defeating veterans with Pokémon he's just met, Jack also moonlights as a power plant," Arceus ignored the glares he was getting. "Anyhow, Jack goes to the computer room to study up on Tobias much like Ash did, he runs into another familiar face."

* * *

_"Paul," Jack said grimly._

* * *

There was a clap of thunder followed by the opening of Toccata and Fugue.

* * *

_"Jack Storm," Paul replied; his demeanor was calm and cold as always, but Jack could see fear in his eyes. Paul was still afraid of him after all this time, and he had good right to be._

_"I suppose running into you was only a matter of time," Jack said._

_"Indeed," Paul replied. "I knew it was inevitable from the moment I saw you in the first round match-ups."_

_"I'll never forgive you, you know," Jack said sharply. "I'll never forgive you for how you treated Lucy, the Absol I rescued from you all those months ago; you never even knew how much she'd already suffered when you found her, and yet she suffered more at your hands than at anyone else's."_

_"If she suffered so much, then TELL ME!"_

_Paul half-shouted the last two words in Jack's face, as though challenging him to react in anger; Paul stared into Jack's eyes and Jack saw the boy's fear, but he also saw defiance. Disbelief even; Paul didn't believe him, or didn't want to believe._

* * *

"Well, this looks promising," Arceus said neutrally.

* * *

_Jack came to a decision. "Follow me,"_

* * *

"I'll kill you over here," came the impersonation.

* * *

_Jack and Paul sat opposite each other at a table, and Jack began recounting Lucy's story. How her peaceful, happy childhood was shattered by poachers, who killed her parents and separated her from her older brother; how she got shunted from one cruel, abusive trainer to the next before eventually being abandoned at a Pokémon Daycare._

_He told Paul how, at that daycare, Lucy finally found some friends and was happy again for a time, until he came around._

_"You were the worst of any trainer she'd ever had," Jack said. "You took her away from the only happiness she'd known since she lost her parents, and you forced her to 'train' every day until all she could do was collapse on the ground, with bleeding welts on her back from enduring so many attacks. She isolated herself from your other Pokémon because she didn't want to be betrayed again; she assumed that anyone who tried to get close to her would hurt and betray her eventually, because pain and betrayal were all she knew! From what she told me, you were even planning on having her breed with one of your other Pokémon; as though she were just a dumb animal!"_

_By the time he finished, Jack was almost shouting in barely-restrained fury; but then he calmed down, and stared Paul in the eyes._

_"I can only thank God that I won her from you before you could do that, or anything else to her," Jack said, his anger going from intensely hot to bitterly cold in a matter of seconds, as he stared Paul down._

_The purple-haired trainer took in Jack's words silently, and then stood up without a word and walked away from Jack towards the door of the Center; Jack watched him go, but didn't try to stop him. He'd gotten himself all worked up, and he didn't trust himself not to let his anger manipulate him. But then, just as the door closed behind Paul, Jack saw a flash of light reflect off the boy's chin; as if it were wet._

_Jack's anger faded away like fog before the afternoon sun, and was replaced by confusion; had his story actually... gotten through to Paul? If so, then this was not the same arrogant trainer he'd met in the forest all those months ago; Jack just hoped he was actually right about that._

* * *

Arceus just turned back to the lawyer in the corner and gave a firm nod. Jack blinked a few times - in confusion or amazement, not even he knew.

* * *

_Seeing no point on dwelling on it further, and remembering his reason for coming here in the first place, Jack got up and went back to the second floor computer room. As he opened the door, he saw Ash, Dawn, Brock, and two other boys talking over at the computers; one had straw-blond hair and was wearing an orange and white striped shirt, and this other had dark green hair, glasses, and was wearing a green shirt and jacket._

_"Tobias?" Ash asked the green-haired boy._

_"He's the trainer who won both his first and second round, using only his Darkrai the whole time," the green-haired trainer replied._

_"Only Darkrai for the second round too?" Ash said._

_"True," the trainer said. "And that's not all; Tobias won all eight of his gym battles using only his Darkrai as well."_

_"That's what I heard," Jack said, walking over to them. "Is there any good information on him?"_

_"Jack," Ash exclaimed. "You're here looking for Tobias's data too?"_

_Jack nodded and was about to say something when the other trainer, the blond one, interrupted him._

_"You… You're Jack Storm, aren't you!" the blond trainer exclaimed._

_Jack shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much; apparently my reputation precedes me."_

_"I'll say," the trainer said excitedly. "Aside from this Tobias guy, you're all anyone ever talks about around here."_

_"And you would be…" Jack asked him._

_"My name is Barry," he said._

* * *

"And I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!" Arceus shouted out in his voice before letting a chuckle escape. "Who doesn't love Barry?"

* * *

_"Remember it, because I'm the guy who's gonna beat you."_

_"And my name is Conway," the other trainer said._

* * *

"The guy who would be stalking Dawn if Pokémon wasn't a kid's show."

* * *

_"Why were you looking up Tobias's data anyway?"_

_Conway smiled and nodded towards Jack. "For the same reason he is, I'll bet; because at some point, we might get matched up. After I beat Ashy, of course."_

_"What was that?!" Ash exclaimed, springing from his seat._

_Conway chuckled. "Well anyway, have yourselves a lovely night; bye Dawn."_

* * *

"I'm off to build the Kyurem Cannon."

* * *

_With that, Conway disappeared behind one of the dividing walls separating the rows of computers; Jack didn't even see the trainer leave the room, although a quick scan with an auric probe told him that he had._

_Dawn sighed; apparently she didn't like this Conway guy as much as he seemed to like her._

_"I give up," Barry said, standing up, "No sense in making myself nuts."_

_"Now that's the spirit!" Ash said enthusiastically. "Just go for it!"_

_"You're right," Barry agreed, equally enthusiastic. "Just go for it!"_

_"Like you're going for broke," Dawn commented, although she didn't seem to share the boys' enthusiasm._

_"Wanna go for a run?" Barry asked Ash._

_"You bet, that's a great idea!" Ash replied._

_The two trainers raced out of the room like a pair of Linoon, leaving everyone else slightly confused._

_"What are they running for?" Dawn said, clearly not amused._

_"They're trying to burn off some of their excitement," Brock said._

_"Are they always like this?" Jack said._

_Dawn sighed._

* * *

"Well, Ash is already the Tasmanian Devil, and Barry's Roadrunner," Arceus began in an imitation of the bluenette.

* * *

_ "Barry is, and he rubs off on Ash whenever they're near each other."_

_"I see," Jack said with a grin. "They're good friends then?"_

_Brock nodded. "Yeah; we ran into Barry a long time ago, literally ran into him, and he and Ash struck off well."_

_"They're too much alike not to," Dawn said. "They're both children at heart."_

_Jack grinned. "I hear all the best people are."_

* * *

"Tell that to Iris!" Arceus, Mew and even Jack all shouted at the same time.

"Jinx!" Mew cried out before leveling a paw in Jack's direction. "You owe me a Soda Pop."

"What!? Why me?"

"Because Arcy doesn't have any money," she deadpanned. Jack facepalmed.

"He's Arceus! Can't he just conjure up some Poké?"

"Are you asking me to inflate the economy?" Arceus shot back in the most exaggerated voice he could muster. "I'm already on trial for being a rip-off, thank you."

Jack couldn't bring himself to respond.

* * *

_"Anyway, we'd better get going," Brock said. "It was nice seeing you again Jack, good luck with your next match."_

_"Thanks," Jack replied. "Tell Ash I wished him good luck with his; that Conway guy looks like he could be trouble."_

_"He's definitely trouble…" Dawn said ruefully._

_"We'll tell him," Brock said. "See you."_

_After Brock and Dawn were gone, Jack turned to the first computer he saw._

_"Now then Nicholas," he said to thin air. "Let's see what the internet knows about you."_

* * *

Arceus chuckled. "Ah, those were the days. Anyways, as the final line would imply, the next chapter transitions into Jack and Nicholas' battle-"

A soft knock on the door followed by it opening cut off the critic. Hideyoshi poked his head in and cleared his throat.

"Sorry to interrupt, but time's up," Mew blinked.

"Already?"

"I'm just amazed I even got through six chapters in thirty minutes," Arceus muttered as he floated out of the room, his ankle weights leaving drag marks on the tile as the four returned to the courtroom.

* * *

"In conclusion, your honor," Mew then gestured to Arceus, impassively looking at her from behind the defendant's table. "After reprogramming the mining droids to mine the miners, he set off a series of flawlessly timed explosions in the mining tunnels to herd them into their dormitories, where they could be effortlessly gassed. He then administered a lethal dose of sedatives to the remaining miners in the medbay - enough to kill them, but ensure that Jack Storm slept peacefully."

Total quiet reigned in the courtroom until it was shattered by Arceus slamming his face into the table.

"Mew..." he groaned. The New Species Pokémon in question let out an uneasy chuckle as she floated up to Keldeo.

"Sorry, Arcy, I couldn't resist," the prosecutor then cleared her throat. "Here's the video tape, your honor, and now we can get to the bottom of this."

Keldeo took it with a small nod and, balancing it on his hooves, pushed it into the VHS player behind him. The courtroom lights dimmed as the television flickered to life; every pair of eyes in the room was trained on it as the old-fashioned reel counted down from five. To everyone's surprise, however, rather than Arceus appearing on the screen, a forties-styled caption card bearing the title 'Why Vacation in Bournemouth?' did.

"Fast forward!" Mew commanded before she turned to the defendant. "For your sake Arcy, you've exhausted every single possible variation of that joke now!"

The only response she got out of the Alpha was a chuckle as Keldeo skipped through the opening short to the actual review. The next thirty minutes were spent in relative silence, save a few scandalous chuckles from the gallery at certain points. Keldeo blinked in disbelief when, rather than end when Arceus was told his time was up, the video instead showed the Colt Pokémon watching the video. Keldeo then hesitantly raised a hoof - the Keldeo on the television did too. The next thing anyone knew was that the Sword of Justice had cut the television in half with a Secret Sword and turned back to the courtroom like nothing had happened.

"Well," he began, smoothing out his judicial robes. "I don't think that will suffice."

"Huh?" at least four different people asked at the same time. Keldeo nodded.

"Yep. We'll need a full review before we can reach a verdict."

"A full review!?" Arceus' head shot up. "But the story's not even complete yet!"

* * *

**A Note from the Author:**

Well, Jack Storm advised me to stop at chapter thirty one, so we'll just go up to that point.

* * *

Arceus' face scrunched up at the disembodied voice from above. "I thought we agreed you would stay in the Author's notes.

* * *

**The Continued Note from the Author:**

Well, you interrupted me at the beginning of the chapter. Besides; we've given all the recurring characters cameos for our 40th chapter extravaganza. The Creation Trio, Jack Storm, Hideyoshi, Kyurem, Genesect, the Spanish Inquistion, Bournemouth... It's only fair I get to drop in.

* * *

The Alpha blinked in disbelief. "Wait, _fortieth _chapter? This is the thirty-fifth!"

* * *

**The Concluded Note from the Author:**

Well, we'll be dragging this review out for six chapters, and this is just the first. Good luck.

* * *

And, to the faint sound of a choir, the Author's notes came to an end. Arceus buried his face in the desk below. "Oh, good me..."

Mew cleared her throat and looked up at Keldeo. "Permission to end the chapter, your honor?"

"Granted."

"Thank you, m'lud," Mew then reached underneath the prosecutor's table and pulled out a record player. Arceus looked up when he heard the opening notes of Yes' _Roundabout _echo throughout the courtroom, just in time to see Mew holding up an arrow-shaped sign that read...

_To Be Continued..._


	36. Rising Storm: Book 2 - Part 2

"I can't believe you made us listen to the entirety of both _Fragile _and _Close to the Edge _during the intermission," Arceus deadpanned to the prosecutor floating on the other side of the defendant's table.

"Oh, you love it, you know you do," Mew shot back before turning up to Keldeo. Jack just blinked and looked up at Arceus, who's only response was a sigh. Mew cleared her throat and looked up at the judge, still seated up on his pedestal overlooking the courtroom.

"Now, your honor, the prosecution would like to call its first witness-"

"Witness!?" Keldeo cried out. "How can you have a witness for being a rip-off?"

"Um, character witness, your honor?" the Psychic Type muttered quickly. Keldeo sighed and bit down on the gavel.

"Very well," he mumbled before bringing the hammer down. "Proceed."

"Thank you, m'lud."

"OBJECTION!" Jack shouted, throwing a pointed finger in Mew's direction. The Legendary crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow while Keldeo turned his attention to the lawyer.

"On what grounds?" the trainer's face dropped.

"Um..." he ran a hand through the back of his mess of blond hair. "Slander and libel, your honor?"

"We haven't even called the first witness, yet," Mew deadpanned.

"Objection overruled," Keldeo affirmed, this time settling for slamming his hoof onto the table. The judge then looked back at the prosecutor. "Proceed."

"Very well," a small, sly grin slowly crept up Mew's face at the approval. Jack gulped and silently envied Arceus' lack of a face. Mew then reached underneath her robes, and with the flick of a wrist had produced a size-appropriate duel disk.

"Now!" her voice had suddenly changed to a man's. "It's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-"

Her head then whipped back to the prosecutor's table; the player still seated on it was playing, but the needle had clearly scratched part of the record. Mew scowled, and with a simple flick of the wrist had put it back on track.

"DUEL!" Mew then drew the top five cards from her deck as the disc flared life, taking a quick glance at them before letting the insane grin across her face grow even wider.

"I summon Giratina, the Pokémon that comes from Shadows, in attack position!"

"So you did come to interfere..." Jack heard Arceus mutter as a shadowy, bleakly liquefied Giratina slowly coalesced into the witness stand, red orbs peeking out at the courtroom.

"Enough with the Generations references already!" everyone's attention was unexpectedly drawn to the corner of the juror's box with Zinnia's sudden outburst.

"She's just salty about being left out," Kyurem muttered to Genesect as Steven beckoned his fellow juror to sit back down. Jack, doing his best to ignore the chaos around him, quickly looked down at the hand of cards that had suddenly materialized on his side.

"Except I play my trap card, Objection!"

"You better have a good reason this time," Keldeo muttered.

"I do, your honor..." Jack began slowly, throwing his palms down on the defendant's table and leaning forward. "On the grounds that the state's-"

"What states!?" this time the shout came from Palkia. "We're in Bournemouth for my sake! Why are we even using the Unovan judicial system here!?"

The Spatial Legendary was answered by sharp hushes from all sides. Palkia just grumbled something and slumped back in his seat after a harsh glare from Arceus. The courtroom's attention returned to Jack when he coughed into his hand.

"That the prosecution's witness is a juror!" Jack finished with an air of quiet vindication. Mew just crossed her arms.

"Your honor," she began, and the lawyer got the feeling he had just played right into her paws. "The defense is indeed correct; Giratina is already a juror. And as this is already a special case and we've established we're not operating under normal court procedure - nevermind the mob outside - I see no reason why we can't continue to allow an already established exception."

"Well," Keldeo grumbled. "Since we can't make up our mind on what judicial system we want to use, I'll permit it."

"Thank you, m'lud," the New Species Pokémon said while Jack buried his face in his hands. Mew then turned to the Renegade Pokémon.

"Now, you are Giratina, third son of Arceus and ruler of the Distortion World?" Giratina shot Arceus a smug smile before replying.

"I am."

"Now, how would you describe your relationship with the defendant?"

"We're estranged," the Dragon said without a moment's hesitation. Mew nodded.

"I see. And would you say you're not on the best of terms?" Giratina blinked in confusion.

"Yes," his eyes narrowed a hair. "Our interactions are usually restricted to Christmas Day, where he and that pink rat usually rip off one thing or another."

Mew's face dropped at the jab, and she tugged on the sleeves of her court dress to keep from gritting her teeth.

"And what," she began in the most level tone she could. "Did they rip off?"

The Psychic Type could see the edges of his beak-like mouth tilt up towards the gold mask. Giratina was clearly enjoying seeing her squirm.

"Well, for example, three holidays ago they decided to blatantly parody multiple Glory For Sleep fanfics. Two Christmases ago they not only ripped off MST3K but then proceeded to pantomime Seinfeld. Then there was last year's Christmas with Siskel and Ebert."

Red slits glanced down from the ceiling to land squarely on Mew. "In fact, I would say that both are culpa-"

"No further questions," Mew quickly cut in, now twirling the tail of her wig around a finger. Giratina smirked, crossed one of his ragged wings over his midsection in a mock-bow, and then slowly faded away to his seat in the juror's box.

"I feel the oddest sense of pride right now," Arceus muttered to no one in particular.

"With that out of the way," Keldeo clapped his hooves together. "The show must go on."

"Aren't we supposed to be able to cross-examine the witness?" Jack asked incredulously.

"We're out of time for the skit," Mew said right before Keldeo brought down his gavel.

"Bailiff, if you could."

"Yessir!" Hideyoshi snapped to attention and motioned for the trio on the court floor to follow.

* * *

"So, Arceus, Mew and Jack Storm walk into a courtroom-" Mew was cut off by a quick glare from Arceus before she could continue.

"This is already torture," the Alpha said as he started up the computer and the two took their seats. "I don't need you making it worse."

"Anyhow," Arceus cleared his throat. "This week on Naruto..."

* * *

_"Are you ready, Jack?" Nicholas said. "Because I'm about to break that winning streak of yours."_

_Jack grinned; Nicholas was still Nicholas, and Jack was grateful for that. "You and what army? Katana, you're up!"_

_"Scatterbolt, go get 'em!" Nicholas said, lobbing the Ampharos's Pokéball onto one of the floating platforms._

* * *

"Let's show them how quickly we can get knocked out!"

* * *

_"BATTLE BEGIN!" called the referee._

_Almost before the referee had finished, the arena exploded_

* * *

"Even the arena couldn't handle your awesomeness," Mew said solemnly in Jack's direction. The trainer just rolled his eyes.

* * *

_into a blur of action; surprisingly, to Jack at least, Nicholas beat him to making the first move. Scatterbolt unleashed an intensely powerful Discharge attack which turned the entire battlefield into a minefield, as arcs of electricity crackled through the air and the water; Katana responded quickly with Agility, but she was still hard pressed to dodge the electrical bombardment._

_Realizing that she couldn't stay on the defensive forever, Katana decided to take the initiative;_

* * *

"Not like I need to worry about the terrain or anything," Arceus deadpanned.

* * *

_with a speed that would've even made Aura proud, Katana lunged in with Quick Attack. Scatterbolt saw the attack coming, but couldn't move fast enough to do anything about it; Katana slammed into him, knocking him flying._

_Scatterbolt fell into the pool with a resounding splash, and before the Ampharos could recover Katana fired an Air Slash after him; the second attack landed another resounding hit, and Scatterbolt was plunged underwater._

_Katana knew that if she tried going after the Electric-Type, it wouldn't end well; so all she could do was wait for her opponent to resurface. She waited, and waited, and waited…_

_Katana would've scowled, if her face had been built for such an expression; as it was, she simply let out an exclamation of impatience. Scatterbolt wasn't surfacing, in fact she couldn't see him anywhere._

_"He couldn't have been knocked out by just two attacks," Katana thought to herself._

_"You're right," Jack suddenly replied telepathically, causing Katana to shudder slightly. "He's definitely planning something; if you sense anything out of the ordinary, fly up. Fast."_

_"Yeah, I know," Katana replied. "Just… Could you please not do that while I'm trying to concentrate?"_

_"Oh, yeah; sorry," Jack said apologetically._

_Katana was about to respond, when her combat reflexes kicked in;_

* * *

"Something was about to happen that threatened their winning streak," the Alpha shook his head. "As Scatterbolt was about to try the sound strategy of knocking the platform Katana was over, and of course we can't allow one of Jack's Pokémon to be knocked out of the gate."

* * *

_Barely a heartbeat later, the platform she'd been standing on was knocked to the side like a hockey puck on ice;_

* * *

"Eh," Mew said with a dopey grin, only for Arceus and Jack to shoot her a glare.

* * *

_As it was, Katana kept the presense of mind to fire up and launch another Air Slash straight downwards; right where she figured Scatterbolt should be. Her attack collided with a brilliant ray of multi-coloured light, a Signal Beam technique, and the two canceled each other out._

_"Nicholas has gotten strong indeed," Jack commented for the benefit of the readers. "He didn't give Scatterbolt any audible instructions about that little trick; he just said 'Iron Tail', and Scatterbolt knew to knock the platform out of the way. And by the time Nicholas called for Signal Beam, Scatterbolt had already prepared the attack. They must have practiced that manoeuvre, or something like it, until they knew it off by heart. Either that, or…"_

_Or Nicholas had some sort of psychic connection with his Pokémon just like Jack himself did; although, Jack guessed that Nicholas probably didn't realize it. From extensive research on the subject, Jack knew that weak, latent telepathic connections weren't uncommon between trainers and their Pokémon; not enough for them to consciously transmit thoughts back and forth, even if they tried, but enough to make them uncannily good at anticipating each other._

* * *

"Nicholas must have spent his time between appearances in Ransei," the Alpha grumbled. "Anyways, as Scatterbolt is actually holding its own against Katana, Jack switches out to someone who can more easily deal with the oddly amphibious Electric Type."

* * *

_"Solomon, you're up!"_

_[Solomon (Kadabra) Age: 18. Ability: Magic Guard. Moves: Teleport, Shadow Ball, Psychic, Sleep Talk, Flamethrower, Thunderbolt, and Ice Beam.]_

* * *

"Let's not forget Leaf Storm, Hydro Pump, Dark Pulse, Dragon Pulse, Venoshock, Flash Cannon, Confuse Ray, Toxic, Hyper Beam, Roar of Time, and it's secondary ability of Wonder Guard, because why stop at knowing more moves than conceivably allowed?" Arceus deadpanned. He blinked when he took a look over his shoulder - not feeling any pair of eyes boring into him - and resisted the urge to sigh when he saw Jack fervently jotting down notes.

* * *

_Before Jack could so much as call out a command, Nicholas once again beat him to the punch; Scatterbolt resurfaced and fired a Signal Beam at Solomon, but the Kadabra simply teleported out of the way._

_Scatterbolt tried to dive back underwater again but Solomon re-appeared levitating above him, stretched out one hand, and fired an Ice Beam straight downwards; the attack hit Scatterbolt square on the head and froze the water around him solid._

_Scatterbolt was caught by the ice in a rather undignified position; lying horizontally, half-submerged in the ice with his rear end sticking up._

* * *

Mew started snickering.

"I don't know about Solomon, but apparently Scatterbolt knows Moonbla-" she was cut off by Arceus slamming a rubber Torchic into her face.

* * *

_Solomon's eyes glowed with purple energy as he used Psychic to lift Scatterbolt, iceberg included, up into the air; Scatterbolt desperately attempted to break the ice with Iron Tail, but it didn't work._

_Solomon flicked the Ampharos-icle up in the air above him, turned his head upwards to look at his opponent, and then unleashed a powerful Flamethrower at him; the attack hit the chunk of ice, and Scatterbolt, full on. The collision raised a large cloud of steam which obscured the results; Solomon could feel that the iceberg had vaporized, leaving only a slightly crispy Ampharos behind, so he released his telekinetic hold and let Scatterbolt drop into the water to cool off._

_As Scatterbolt fell however, his eyes opened and his tail started to glow; spinning in the air to gain momentum, Scatterbolt attempted to bring an Iron Tail attack right down on Solomon's head, but was met with a Psychic hand that swatted him out of the arena and into the wall of the colosseum._

* * *

"Sorry pal, you're not staying in my story if you won't go down in two moves," Arceus began in his impersonation.

* * *

_Nicholas recalled the battered (and fried) Ampharos_

* * *

Mew slammed a paw down on a bell she had materialized. "Order up!"

* * *

_"Strike, go get 'em!" he shouted._

_The recently evolved Ninjask appeared in a flash of light and hovered above the water for a second. Then, it was off; it was fast, but nowhere near fast enough._

* * *

"Yes, one of the fastest Pokémon in existence is not fast enough," the edge of Arceus' eye twitched.

* * *

_Solomon readied a Flamethrower attack, intending to lay down a blanket of fire across the battlefield, but Strike beat him to the punch._

_"Sorry about this," the Ninjask said as he blinked into existence behind Solomon, and landed a super effective Feint Attack which knocked him into the water._

* * *

"Make up your mind!" Arceus sighed. "Anyhow, as Strike actually does more than just deadlock with Solomon and almost knocks him out, Jack decides to not only rip off Ash, but more or less uses his legally questionable powers to win the match _by cheating_."

* * *

_Then, he got it; it was something he'd seen some of Ash's Pokémon do on multiple occasions, and it seemed to be singularly effective. But best of all, neither Strike nor Nicholas would see it coming. Solomon quickly shared his idea with Jack._

_"It's so crazy," Jack said with a grin, "It just might work."_

_With a new plan, Solomon conjured up a Flamethrower in each hand; Strike saw it and moved in to attack preemptively, just as Solomon knew he would. With Jack providing the split-second timing required for the plan to work, Solomon started building up as much telekinetic energy as he could; waiting for the perfect moment._

_Strike blinked out of existence, almost definitely to make another sneak attack from behind; Solomon couldn't see him, and he wasn't trying to. That was Jack's job. Jack had extended his aura over the entire battlefield; he could sense every move the Ninjask made, the instant before he made it. Was it cheating? Probably. Did he really care? Not a bit._

* * *

Jack shrugged. "Hey, I admitted it."

Arceus' head whipped around with enough force to throw the lawyer back against his chair. Jack had the sudden sensation of his heart jumping into his throat when the Alpha's gaze landed on him.

"You know," the Legendary hissed. "If you ever get defrocked for this, I'm certain you could make a fortune in the casino industry."

* * *

_It took Solomon roughly 0.09 seconds to register that Jack had given the order, and a further 0.13 seconds to carry it out_

* * *

"And another 0.0845327139a7420 seconds to realize Jack had accidentally teleported them into a creepypasta."

* * *

_When Jack gave the order, Solomon released the telekinetic energy he'd been building up all at once; but not at Strike, that would be too obvious an attack. He'd sense it coming and avoid it. No, Solomon directed the energy and the twin Flamethrowers he was holding; fanning them up into a roaring inferno and then spinning them around himself like a cocoon. Or a tornado. A technique Ash seemed fond of calling a 'Counter Shield'._

_Jack's timing was dead on; the blast of fire came around behind Solomon at the exact same moment that Strike did, crashing into the unfortunate Ninjask's left side. Strike was instantly swept up by the fiery vortex, and tossed around like a leaf in the wind for several seconds before Solomon let the whirlwind die down._

_No sooner did Solomon release his control over the fiery tornado than Strike was right back on the offensive, diving down at Solomon with another Feint Attack; but this time Solomon managed to teleport away in plenty of time. Strike had taken a lot of damage from Solomon's attack, and the Ninjask seemed to be slowing down._

_Strike tried one more time, rushing in with Quick Attack; compared to his former speed, it looked like he was flying in slow motion. Solomon saw it coming from a mile away and intercepted it with a powerful Thunderbolt, and then a blast of Psychic. Strike was down for the count._

* * *

"You know, why don't you just save us all time and your Pokémon the trouble and just jump into the action yourself? The League clearly doesn't care whether or not the most important event in Sinnoh is home to cheaters," Arceus' eyes bored deeper into Jack. "Or maybe you can just forgo the formalities entirely and just use a Jedi Mind Trick on everyone?"

"To be fair, Arcy, he is trying to show off his powers to draw out his attacker," Mew quickly jumped in. Jack gulped when she was thrown into the wall next to him.

"And to show off his powers, he uses them in the most nondescript manner possible to get away with cheating," Arceus let his telepathic grip loosen and turned back to the computer. "And now on to the thrilling conclusion of watching the brawl between Meta Knight and Jigglypuff."

* * *

_Solomon was breathing heavily as Nicholas recalled Strike to his Pokéball; the last battle had been a hard one, and the Kadabra had only won by a matter of milliseconds. Solomon wouldn't be able to go another round, and both he and Jack knew it._

* * *

"Oh, thank goodness he made it out without a single casualty," Arceus' eyes narrowed. "We wouldn't want to actually engage the reader to a battle between Jack and his rival, now would we?"

* * *

_"Katana," he said, tossing her Pokéball onto a platform, "You're up."_

* * *

"Take one for the team so I can't be accused of winning without any losses!"

* * *

_"Sunspot," Nicholas said, "Go get 'em!"_

_The Infernape appeared in the customary flash of white light, and looked at his opponent with a grin._

_"Huh," Sunspot said with a shrug. "And here I was hoping I'd get to fight Jason right off the bat; but I guess he'll come out after I've taken you down."_

_"Why do you want to fight Jason so badly?" Katana asked curiously._

_"Isn't it obvious?" the Infernape said._

* * *

"He's the only one I have a chance of beating since he got left out of the last story."

* * *

_"This is the moment Nicholas and I have been waiting for! Jason is the most powerful of you, and I've been going through non-stop special training specifically so I'd be able to beat him; after that, the rest of the tournament will be a walk in the park, no one will be able to stop us. Then one day, we'll challenge Cynthia and Nicholas will become the Sinnoh Champion!"_

* * *

"Then we will rule the world!" Arceus then let out a burst of evil laughter in Sunspot's voice while Jack and Mew - now dressed up as Power Rangers - started dancing in the background.

* * *

_"Those are some pretty big aspirations you have," Katana shot back. "You're starting to sound like some cheesy comic-book villain."_

_Sunspot huffed. "Oh yeah? Well_

* * *

_(Anakin Skywalker: From my point of view the Jedi are evil!)_

* * *

_you're starting to 'bug' me; get ready to get squashed."_

_"Just try it," Katana snarled, raising her scythes and settling into a fighting stance._

_"My pleasure."_

* * *

"Ladies first," Mew said.

"You said it, not me," Arceus countered.

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"And that's the rest of our chapter," Mew suddenly said. "Goodnight folks!"

"Mew," Arceus muttered as a curtain fell in front of them. She let out a quiet chuckle as she lifted the fabric back up.

* * *

_The surprise attack left Sunspot stunned for a second, which was long enough for Katana to turn around and send him flying with a super-effective Air Slash._

_Sunspot landed in the water with a large splash and a billowing pillar of steam; the Infernape clambered onto a platform a few seconds later, dripping wet from head to foot. Even his head flame had been extinguished, although he'd barely been out of the water for three seconds before it blazed into life again. Still, it was clear that Sunspot's little dip in the pool had weakened and winded him; his chest was heaving as he attempted to balance on the unsteady platform._

_Katana figured it was as good a time as any to press her advantage, and rushed in with Quick Attack. She closed in on Sunspot before he could steady himself, and slammed her shoulder in his chest. Or at least, that was the plan._

_At the last second, Sunspot planted his feet and threw a perfectly timed punch into Katana's incoming midsection; using her own momentum against her. A perfect Counter._

_The blow knocked the air out of Katana's lungs, and even fractured her exoskeleton slightly; despite it being doubly ineffective based on Type, it had still been a powerful hit._

_"Nice try," Sunspot said, waiting for Katana to catch her breath. "But like I said, I've been training to beat Jason; you never stood a chance."_

_Katana looked at the INfernape, and noted that his fur was completely dry; and the heat coming off of him was so intense it stung her eyes. There was no sign that he'd been submerged in the pool mere moments before._

* * *

"One minute he's winded, the next he's gloating," Arceus just sighed and shook his head. "Anyhow, Katana insists on fighting - either because she's as suicidal as her name would imply, or because we simply couldn't have this match be three to one. Regardless, the Scyther and pulls off a few moves and an entire conversation with Jack while Nicholas and Sunspot just twiddle their thumbs - _then proceeds to tank two Fire Blasts, one directly to her face_ \- before pushing Sunspot into the pool they're dueling above and then promptly falling unconscious so it can't actually be said that Jack won. And then to add insult to injury..."

* * *

_"Wendy, you're up," Jack said with a smug grin._

* * *

"Give him an old-fashioned burger and a shake!" Arceus continued in his impersonation.

* * *

_"Are you kidding me!?" Sunspot exclaimed. "She's just a kid; you expect me to fight a kid?"_

_Wendy folded her arms. "Who are you calling a kid; Aunt Katana says I'm a young adult, and old enough to stand up for myself."_

_Sunspot looked at her standing there, arms crossed defiantly, and broke out laughing._

* * *

"I like you Wendy," the Alpha said in Sunspot's voice. "I'll kill you last."

* * *

_Wendy huffed. "I'll teach you to laugh at me, Mr. Sunspot."_

_Without any further warning, Wendy's eyes glowed with Psychic energy and she telekinetically flipped the platform on which Sunspot was standing; dumping him unceremoniously into the water once again. Now it was Wendy's turn to giggle uncontrollably._

* * *

"Ho, ho, that's our Wendy," Arceus said with a forced laugh. "Deriving joy from humiliating other people."

* * *

_Sunspot was in a much worse mood when he clambered out of the water for the third time that day._

_"Okay," he growled, "That's it; no more mister nice guy. I'm gonna… H-hey, what're you doing?! Put me down!"_

_Before he could finish his threat, Wendy picked him up with Psychic and began waving him around in the air like a ragdoll; before letting him fall into the water again with a splash._

* * *

"Because in case if we haven't made it clear enough how powerful Jack is, here's five minutes of Wendy dunking Sunspot like a cop's donut," Mew deadpanned.

* * *

_This time as Sunspot clambered onto a nearby platform, he didn't waste any time in charging up a quick Fire Blast and sending it in Wendy's direction; it looked like a direct hit, but when the smoke cleared there was no trace of Wendy._

_Sunspot turned around quickly, and found himself staring into a pair of… beautiful, ruby-red eyes; like the sun just before it dipped below the horizon. Then, he heard a voice._

_"Sleep," it said. "Close your eyes and take a good long nap."_

* * *

"When you wake up you will be Dr. Zaius."

* * *

_It was the most beautiful sound Sunspot had ever heard; like a choir of angels singing in harmony, like the tinkling of chimes, it drowned out any other. He longed to hear that wonderful voice, and stare into those beautiful eyes, for all eternity. Their effect was almost mesmerizing._

* * *

"Sunspot is Cynthia as Serena in the Ash Ketchum Story," Arceus said in his best voice-over.

* * *

_No, that wasn't the right word; but for the life of him he couldn't find a right one, and the attempt was tiring him out. Maybe he should take the voice's suggestion and go to sleep, but what was that word? It was... His eyelids were getting heavy, but what was that word? It was… It was… It was…_

_Hypnotic._

_Sunspot snapped out of the trance with a roar of extreme disapproval, startling Wendy nearly out of her wits. Before she could comprehend what had happened, Sunspot had charged up a Fire Blast and spat it, point blank, into her face._

_Wendy was blasted into the air by the roaring column of flames, and fell into the water; which in all probability is what saved her, since when she resurfaced she was covered in burn marks._

* * *

"Man, those fajita plates are hot..." Arceus muttered in Wendy's voice.

* * *

_ She telekinetically levitated herself out of the water, but didn't shake the water off; she realized now it might come in handy to be soaked to the skin._

_Before Sunspot could launch any more attacks, Wendy quickly used Light Screen; a good thing too, because Sunspot wasted no time in firing off another Fire Blast at her. She managed to use Psychic to deflect most of it, but the heat was still intense. And no sooner did the last of the flames blow past her, then she saw Sunspot closing in._

_The Infernape had launched himself off a platform, and was heading straight for her; she Teleported away almost reflexively, but was then almost immediately hit by a Fire Blast from behind. He never seemed to run out of them!_

* * *

"Well, you know," Arceus began slowly. "It might help if he had a trainer to tell him to use a different move. Well, it eventually pays off."

* * *

_The powerful attack knocked Wendy to the ground, and right into a platform; no soft, watery landing this time. After a hit like that, Wendy was at her limit; she struggled to stand up, but the effort proved to be too much for her. She collapsed on the platform and didn't move._

_The referee looked at Wendy, then at Jack; the blue-clad trainer didn't seem at all concerned that his Pokémon had been knocked out, in fact he was smiling slightly. The referee started to announce Sunspot the winner of the fight, but Jack held up a hand._

_"If you'd wait just a moment, this fight isn't over," he said._

_"Your Pokémon is clearly defeated," the referee said. "In her condition, there's no way she could…"_

_Then he noticed something; a light coming from the battlefield. More specifically, the light was coming from Wendy. Jack grinned; it had been sheer torture for him to watch Wendy get beaten up, even more than it had been for Wendy herself, but they'd both agreed that the end result was worth it. Wendy was evolving._

* * *

Both Jack and Mew paled as the room started shaking.

"You've done it now," Mew hissed to the lawyer as Arceus' head reared back.

"You shall..." Mew quickly darted behind Jack's back; the trainer tried to keep his legs from shaking.

"You've broken Arcy!" the Psychic Type pounded a stubby paw into his back while the Alpha's crimson eyes flashed.

"BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!" Arceus brought up a hoof. A second later the ankle weight around it had crashed through the monitor and desk. The Alpha let out a huff.

Mew and Jack - both of who had thrown themselves on the floor in a vain attempt to get cover - looked up hesitantly after hearing the table fly into the ceiling. Mew blinked.

"Uh... Arcy..." the Alpha let out a sigh and hung his head.

"I know, Mew, I know."

Five minutes later, Jack was eyeing a completely new monitor and desk that Arceus had settled in front of.

"Of course he'll conjure up a new computer but not five Poké..." the trainer muttered as he handed Mew her Soda Pop.

"Now..." Arceus took a deep breath. "Where were we?"

"Deus ex machina number four hundred and ninety-three," Mew chimed in through her drink.

"Ah, thank you," Arceus said with a self-conscious blink.

* * *

_The light grew stronger by the second, until it was almost blinding; it filled the entire coliseum until people were forced to look away or risk being blinded. When the light finally faded, and the spots cleared from people's eyes, Wendy was standing tall and proud; as a fully evolved Gardevoir._

* * *

"Sailor Moon, Sailor Mo-" Mew was cut off this time by Jack whacking her with the rubber Torchic.

* * *

_She cracked her neck, __and then her knuckles. "Alright then, Mr. Sunspot," she said, with a voice that sounded more like a much older teenager's, "Let's finish this."_

_"My pleasure," Sunspot agreed with a grin. "You might actually be a worthy opponent now."_

_Wendy folded her arms. "I'll take that as a compliment; now, en garde!"_

* * *

_Without another word, Wendy pointed her right arm at Sunspot and streams of silver energy began raining down from the sky and collecting in the palm of her three-fingered hand. The ribbons of energy gathered together and spun themselves into a sphere of crackling silver light._

_It was a powerful technique that had only recently been discovered in the Kalos region, and Wendy had only heard about by watching the news; once she'd read up on it, she had tried many times to master it. This was the first time she'd actually succeeded, and she was ecstatic about it; she was using Moonblast._

_"Nicely done, Wendy," Jack said, "Now maybe you could actually throw it at him?"_

_After basking in her own glow for a moment, Wendy figured that Jack was right; it was about time she tested her new move in combat, by beating the ever-living daylights out of Sunspot with it._

_"Right," she agreed. "One Fairy-type special, coming right up!"_

* * *

"Try the new Fairy Type Special at Wendy's," Arceus shook his head. "Anyhow, Jack wins. The end."

* * *

_The referee confirmed it. "SUNSPOT IS UNABLE TO BATTLE; THE WINNER IS WENDY, AND THE VICTORY GOES TO JACK STORM OF GREENWOOD!"_

* * *

"You know, you think someone would have figured out by now that it's a forest or at least not an actual settlement," Mew commented. Jack opened his mouth to say something, blinked, and then slunk back into his seat.

"Regardless," Arceus said. "Onto nine."

* * *

_"Well," Jack said to Wendy as Nicholas recalled the unconscious Sunspot, and the crowd above them roared its approval. "That went rather well, I thought."_

_Wendy chuckled. "I'll say; evolving was a pleasant surprise, for me at least. Although I can't help but feel like you planned it somehow."_

* * *

"I'm here to pull off Deus ex machinas and kick butt," Jack said in apt impersonation of Arceus' voice. Both Legendaries blinked in surprise.

* * *

_Jack shrugged and walked towards the arena exit. "Not so much planned, as hoped._

* * *

Arceus blinked in disbelief.

"So..." he turned towards Jack. "Aside from your powers, you essentially operate on incredible luck and coincidence."

He shrugged. "It's in the summary."

The Alpha muttered something under his breath and turned back towards the machine.

* * *

_Before Jack could finish that thought, he looked up to see Nicholas walking over to him. The red-haired trainer looked somewhat disappointed, but he still managed a light-hearted grin._

_"Good game, Jack," he said, holding out his hand. "You beat us fair and square."_

* * *

The Alpha growled and his eyes flashed.

_(Was it cheating? Probably. Did he really care? Not a bit.)_

* * *

_Jack took the proffered hand and shook it. "Thanks Nicholas; it was a close thing, you were a tougher opponent than I've fought in a long time."_

* * *

Arceus then turned to Jack. "You know, I think Mew made an excellent choice in hiring you as my defense."

* * *

_"Thanks," Nicholas said, then he turned to Wendy. "And Wendy, congrats on evolving; and learning that awesome new move."_

_Wendy giggled a little and bowed in appreciation, and said, "You can't tell what I'm saying, so it probably sounds like I'm complimenting you back; doesn't it?"_

_Nicholas gave her an odd look, then turned back to Jack who was completely straight-faced._

_"I have a strange feeling," Nicholas said with mock-seriousness, "That she's making fun of me."_

_"What? No, of course not," Jack deadpanned. "Whatever gave you that idea."_

_Nicholas chuckled good-naturedly. "Okay, just making sure."_

* * *

"You would never lie to me, except when it comes to your identity, superpowers, battling and relationship with Maylene," Arceus cleared his throat. "Anyhow, Jack and Nicholas decide to go out for dinner, courtesy of Jack's wallet. Of which Jason rightfully takes some issue with."

* * *

_Jason didn't look too happy about it, but he dropped the subject. "Fine then. About this little excursion though, how exactly are you planning to pay for it? Out of your own pocket?"_

_"It's not like I don't have the money," Jack said. "I've still got several thousand dollars left; more than enough."_

_"For now," Jason countered. "But if you keep racking up expenses like you have been recently, that's not going to last long unless you find a source of income."_

_"And since when are you a master of all things economical?" Jack said, although he realised that his brother had a good point._

_"I'm just saying," Jason said dryly._

_Jack sighed. "I know, and you're right; but so far I haven't found any reliable ways of making money. We've been moving around too much lately; and travelling doesn't pay. I was going to look for job offers tonight when we go out," he admitted._

* * *

"Feel the tension as Jack job hunts! Sit on the edge of your seat in suspense as he changes outfits!"

* * *

_With a sigh, he got out another set of clothes; after an… 'incident' a couple months ago, Jack had bought a few extras for emergencies. Not really one to deliberate over such things, he dug around in his bag and pulled out the first things he saw; which happened to be a pair of black cargo pants, the kind with about a dozen pockets on each leg, a tee-shirt of the same deep blue colour as his robes, and the only jacket he owned. The black one with a yellow lightning bolt on the back._

* * *

"Have we mentioned his last name is Storm?" Mew suddenly exclaimed, jumping in front of Arceus. The Alpha then pushed the New Species Pokémon aside with a self-aware blink.

"Is... Is Maylene still there?"

* * *

_Satisfied that he looked halfway decent, except for the hair, Jack bundled up his robes and tossed them into his bag; he'd wash them later._

_"On the other hand," he muttered to himself, "Maybe I should wear normal clothes more often; I mean if it's a matter of being ready for a fight, I already make sure my clothes are unrestrictive. It'd also probably help my public image if I didn't go around looking like a Dungeons and Dragonites reject. Plus," he said, turning around in front of the mirror, "I look pretty good in mufti."_

* * *

Arceus snorted quietly.

* * *

_He froze mid-turn, and frowned; since when did he think about clothes or, more disconcertingly, how he looked in them? Maybe Maylene's talk of fangirls was starting to get to him..._

_Jack's train of thought was, fortunately, derailed by a knock on the door of the suite; opening it, Jack saw that Nicholas had arrived._

_"Hey Jack," the trainer said. "Looking good; did you do something different with your hair?" he asked jokingly._

_"Yeah," Jack replied. "It's called a shower; I heard they're all the rage these days."_

_Nicholas let out a sharp laugh, then leaned in close to Jack's face with a mock-serious expression. "Don't believe it for a second."_

_"What's wrong with showers?" Jack asked with a chuckle._

_Nicholas spread his arms in a solemn gesture. "It's a sad truth but in this day and age, personal hygiene is a dying art."_

_"You don't say," Jack deadpanned. "Anyway, come on in; we're all ready to go."_

* * *

Both Legendaries shared a quiet bout of chuckling.

"Anyhow, Maylene drops by after a little more banner, more shipping, and they all head off straight into chapter ten."

* * *

_Jack, Nicholas, and Maylene popped back into existence just outside Lily of the Valley Town._

* * *

"So, you were the Captain of the Enterprise, too?" Mew asked. Jack chuckled while Arceus just rolled his eyes.

"Anyhow, after teleporting them around for a second time just to get them more used to the sensation, the trio finally go sightseeing."

* * *

_Nicholas hesitated a second before replying, "That's beside the point."_

_Jack held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay; I won't do it again, promise."_

_"Good," Nicholas said, feigning a look of injured dignity. "Come; let us, as they say, 'see the sights.'"_

_"Yessir," Jack said, saluting. "Right away sir."_

* * *

_To tell the truth, Lily of the Valley Town really wasn't much to look at; there were next to no tourist attractions. Pretty much its sole purpose, and source of income, was the people who gathered there for the Lily of the Valley Conference every year; there were a lot hotels and shops, but not much in the way of entertainment._

_On the other hand, they were on an island; Lily of the Valley Town was stationed about two feet from a long stretch of yellow, beautifully clean, and blissfully warm sand at the edge of the ocean._

* * *

"And so we now transition into the awkward puberty of Rising Storm; the _Beach Party _sequence," Arceus' eyes narrowed.

"Just you wait," Mew said, a small grin breaking out across her face as she eyed the attorney across from her. "A Miotic's going to suddenly jump out of the ocean and hit Jack in-"

"NO!" the trainer in question nearly shrieked, unconsciously shifting in his seat.

* * *

_It was early fall, but it still felt more like late summer and the water was still nice and warm; with the sun only just having begun to set. As such, it didn't take a genius to figure out what would happen._

_Nicholas and Maylene had both anticipated an afternoon at the beach, and had worn swimsuits under their clothes;_

* * *

"And underneath their swimsuits are parachutes in case they go skydiving, and inside those are camo in case they go hunting, and underneath those are tuxedos in case they go to a ball."

* * *

_Jack didn't have one, and so was forced to buy a pair of swim trunks from a nearby shop. They were blue; obviously._

_With their attire settled, Jack, Nicholas, and Maylene hit the water enthusiastically; followed closely by most of their Pokémon._

* * *

"Cue Volleyball scene!" Mew shouted.

* * *

_Eventually they borrowed a ball from the lifeguard's shed and played some volleyball, but as they played, Jack realised that he missed the high-pitched giggles of delight to which he'd grown so accustomed. Marsh, Strike, and Wendy used to be the life of any party they had; but now they'd all evolved, and had matured a lot in the process._

* * *

"Yes, it seemed just like yesterday that Wendy was only a Kirlia..." Arceus' eyes narrowed. "In fact, it was just a few hours ago."

* * *

_They were still playful and fun-loving, but they weren't kids any more._

_"I know what you mean," Nicholas replied when Jack broached the topic with him. "They grow up so fast. When Marsh and Strike evolved, even though they were still the same Pokémon, I suddenly started missing all the childish antics they used to get up to. It made me feel like an old man, watching his kids grow up before his eyes; it won't be long before they're fawning over pretty girl Pokémon,_

* * *

"Like Wendy," the Alpha said in Nicholas' voice, only for him to get hit with the rubber Torchic - this time from Jack.

* * *

_"On the other hand," Nicholas continued, "Strike doesn't strike me..._

* * *

"Striker no striking!" Arceus and Mew chanted while Jack facepalmed.

* * *

_no pun intended, as the kind of guy to go in for that kind of… Heads up!"_

_Nicholas launched himself almost clean out of the water, and smacked the incoming volleyball out of the air; sending it back over the net into enemy territory. Jack shook his head to clear it, and resolved to think about this later; namely, after they'd won the game._

* * *

Mew then reached down underneath the desk and handed Arceus a set of headphones. The Alpha cleared his throat while Mew fixed her headpiece into the wig.

"Hello, and good evening to those of you tuning into the Pokémon Sports Network, and tonight we have a grudge match between humans and Pokémon," the Alpha said in his best announcer voice.

"That's right," Mew said, pulling down a projector screen in front of a flabbergasted Jack. "We have the classic 5 vs. 5 match up, with Jack's team one up over Jason's."

* * *

_The current lineup for Jack's team, from left to right, were Cap and Wendy in front, Jack in the center, and Nicholas and Maylene in the rear. Jason's team had Marsh and Sunspot in front, Maylene's Lucario in center, and Hunter and Jason in the rear. Thomas was serving as the referee; a position he seemed to enjoy greatly._

_"20/19 to Jack's team," he said as the ball landed on Jason's side. "Game point, Jack's team serving."_

_Maylene picked up the ball and got into position; she'd displayed an impressive amount of talent at putting the ball right where she wanted it when she served. If they scored this point it was game, and it was her responsibility to set the ball rolling; so to speak._

* * *

"So what do you make of the situation, Arcy?"

"Well, Maylene's been giving it her best all night and it's really starting to show, Mew; she can actually stand a match against Jack's Pokémon. She just needs to get the ball to the other side of that net and it's game over for Jason."

* * *

_With a confident grin, Maylene chucked the ball into the air and hit it on the way down; an overhand serve, and a good one at that. The ball missed the top of the net by a hair, and whizzed by Lucario's ear; it looked like a clean point, but then Lucario's left hindpaw came up and around in a roundhouse kick which sent the ball sailing into the sky._

* * *

"Oh, let's get a replay of that shot," both legendaries turned to the canvas behind them where a still of the shot was. Mew pressed down on the remote in her hand, causing a series of yellow lines and circles to slowly materialize on the picture.

"So, Maylene hit the ball here," Mew said, pointing towards the image. "Then the ball goes here, where her Lucario kicks it."

"Fascinating," Arceus replied. "So, what do you think went wrong with that play?"

"Well, I'd say it was Maylene trying to get the ball over to the other side, it's simply impractical to try to."

Mew then pressed another button, revealing a new series of yellow lines; this time a sign.

"They should have broken for dinner first," Mew said to Arceus' confusion, pointing towards the sign. Mew just towards the computer screen and flashed her pearly whites.

"Yes, with Bournemouth's many restaurants and delicious baileys, there's something for everyone to have. Bournemouth; with it's convenient beachfront access where the sands are white and the oceans clear, you don't have to eat in. Bournemouth-"

"All right, all right," Arceus sighed, dropping the aloof accent and shaking his head. "I get it."

Mew crossed her arms and nodded, taking off her headset and pushing the projector screen back up. Arceus cleared his throat and turned back to the screen.

"Anyways, back to Rising Storm: Xtreme 3; things go back and forth for a while until Maylene executes her secret plan."

* * *

_Maylene tried to hit the ball as it flew over her head, but she couldn't move fast enough; the ball would have landed outside the court, but then Maylene's outline seemed to blur. To Jack, who was watching her every movement closely, it seemed as though time itself stopped around her while she kept going; reacting faster than any human ever could have, Maylene jumped after the ball and smacked as hard as she could._

_Like a bullet fired from a gun, the ball shot over Hunter's head; Ivy had already moved forward to intercept it, knowing that Maylene would aim for the space between them, but to her surprise the ball sailed over her head as well. Maylene had aimed for the spot Ivy had just vacated, and it had worked perfectly; the ball hit the sand with a thud, and made a small crater._

* * *

Arceus and Mew both blinked in disbelief.

_(Jerry Seinfeld: That is one magic loogie.)_

* * *

_"Jack's team wins, 21/20!" Thomas said._

_Maylene, who had landed in her feet, shot an accusatory look at Nicholas._

_"What was that?" she asked in mock-indignation, putting her hands on her hips. "You were supposed to pass it to me, not over me," she said with a grin._

_Nicholas shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, it took me by surprise; still, looks like you had it well in hand."_

_Maylene was about to make a snappy retort, but before she could she was swamped by her teammates; all of whom were eager to congratulate her. Jack just looked at the gym leader with apprehension;_

* * *

"He senses a disturbance in the force," Arceus deadpanned.

* * *

_from what he just saw, Maylene's abilities might have been a little more advanced than he originally thought. He'd really have to discuss it with her some time. Still, he thought to himself, no reason to let brooding pessimism ruin the moment._

_"Let this be a lesson to you," Jack said jokingly, walking over to Jason and holding out his hand. "You might be better than me at using the aura,_

* * *

"Force," Mew had a sudden bout of coughing. Arceus just rolled his eyes and adopted Jack's voice.

"But you will never beat me at pulling deus ex machinas out of thin air."

* * *

_"I think I can live with that," Jason replied. "After all, we wouldn't want to developing an inferiority complex from being around me too much."_

_Jack recoiled slightly, clutching his chest as if he'd been struck._

_"Since when did you get so quick with the snappy comebacks?" Jack asked, more than a little surprised._

_Jason shrugged. "It's a gift, and a curse."_

_"Oh, I see how it is," Jack said with a grin, backing away slightly. "I seem to have some competition in the humour department; I guess I'll have to watch out for you."_

_"Go ahead, if it makes you feel better," Jason shot back with a smirk. "But you still won't see me coming."_

_"Good grief," Jack exclaimed. "Did you stay up late last night thinking up one-liners or something? Anyway," he said, lowering his voice. "I assume you kept an eye on Nicholas like I asked; did you notice anything... strange about him?"_

_Jason lowered his voice as well. "Yes, were were right about him; there were several times when he moved a little faster than I thought he should've been able to. Do you really think..."_

_Jack nodded gratefully. "Yes, yes I do; judging by what you said, and what I've seen for myself, I think I might_

* * *

"Be the Jedi Exile!" Arceus shouted.

"I think that might be pushing it, Arcy-"

"No, I mean it," the Alpha's tone took on a more serious disposition.

"Think about it; he has the robes, the martial arts-trained love interest," Jack coughed as Arceus continued. "The wise-cracking and worldly best friend, the faithful mechanical assistant with a dry sense of humor, can use the Force, is slowly discovering his powers, affects everyone around him, and will probably end up training them."

The other two occupants of the room took a long blink while Arceus returned to the computer.

"Anyhow, while I let that simmer, let's get on to chapter eleven."

* * *

_If there was one thing at which Lily of the Valley Town excelled, it was serving the influx of visitors who came there for the Conference. Lily of the Valley Town had more restaurants, diners, pubs, and Pizza places than Jack had ever seen before in his life;_

* * *

"Must... resist... urge... to... reference..." Arceus muttered through a scrunched up face.

* * *

_Even so, they had to look around for quite some time before they found a restaurant that was willing, or even able, to seat all nineteen of them together; and even when they did find one, they were forced to eat outside on the patio. Strictly speaking, their Pokémon were forced to eat outside; but to the three trainers, it amounted to the same thing._

_On the other hand, eating outside wasn't exactly a hardship; the evening air was crisp, clear, and refreshing. It was still plenty warm out as well, which actually made eating outside a more appealing prospect than sitting in a stuffy, crowded restaurant. It was so nice out in fact, that they hadn't even bothered changing out of their swimsuits._

_Jack, Nicholas, and Maylene were all at the same table, and their respective Pokémon were lounging around the patio in their own little cliques; the girls were all sitting together and chatting amongst themselves, which came as no surprise to anyone else, but aside from that everyone pretty much split up into groups of two or three._

_"Alright then, Jack," Maylene said, after the three of them had placed their orders, "Do you want to tell me what's going on with you?"_

_Jack's expression must have been pretty good, because Maylene cracked a smile and Nicholas busted out laughing._

_"Oh come on," she insisted. "You've known me long enough to know I don't miss much; you've been looking at me weird all evening, ever since the beech."_

_"She's got you pinned, man," Nicholas commented with an impish grin. "I suggest a tactical retreat."_

* * *

"Even Nicholas ships them," Mew said in awe.

* * *

_Maylene gave him a sidelong glance. "You know, he's been looking at you the same way."_

_"What?!" Nicholas exclaimed in mock-astonishment. "You've got a crush on me too?"_

_Jack sighed and facepalmed. "Look, Nick, could you please stop joking around for five seconds…"_

_Nicholas nodded. "Sure. One… two... "_

_"I'm serious!" Jack exclaimed, forcing himself not to shout. "This is important, and I'd appreciate it if you'd just listen to what I have to say."_

_Maylene had known something was up, but now even Nicholas was a little worried; Jack sounded almost… angry for some reason._

_"We're listening," Maylene said calmly. "What is it?"_

_Jack sighed and folded his hands in front of him. "It all started back when I challenged the Oreburgh Gym; Jason learned a new move, Counter."_

_"What's wrong with that?" Nicholas asked._

_Jack gave him a look that said, 'shut up and I'll tell you'._

* * *

_(Sergeant Hulka: Lighten up, Francis.)_

* * *

_Nicholas winced. "Sorry, shutting up."_

_Jack sighed. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Jason learned Counter during the battle; trouble was, he already had a full moveset and Counter was his fifth. But he didn't forget any of his other moves."_

_Maylene nodded. "I noticed that he knew more than four moves when you were staying at the gym. It's rare, but not completely unheard of."_

_"Among Legendary Pokémon maybe," Nicholas countered. "But that's pretty much it."_

_Jack nodded. "Precisely; and all the research I did on the subject turned up the same thing, the only Pokémon ever known to be able to use more than four moves at a time were powerful Legendaries. But that was only the tip of the iceberg; soon, more of my team started learning extra moves, even ones that they shouldn't have been able to learn normally. You remember that old joke about Scyther not being able to learn Fly? Because Katana has been able to use Fly for a while now."_

_"Okay," Nicholas said. "That's weird and all, but what's that got to do with us?"_

_"I know what you're getting at," Maylene said._

_Nicholas groaned. "Why am I always the last one to know these things…"_

_Maylene turned to the red headed trainer. "I saw your battles, and your Pokémon are almost unbelievably powerful; as we found out today, they're almost as powerful as Jack's, as are mine. And if Jack's Pokémon are abnormally powerful, to the point of knowing more than four moves, then what does that mean?"_

_Nicholas's eyes widened. "You can't be serious..."_

_"I am," Jack replied. "Both of your teams have been affected by the same thing that's made mine so strong; just not quite as strongly. And what is my team in close proximity to twenty-four/seven, but that yours only come into contact with occasionally? Something that is already abnormal in its own right."_

_Nicholas stared blankly at him for a second, then he got it._

_"You," Maylene said. "You think that you're causing all this somehow."_

_Jack shook his head. "No, I know I'm causing all this somehow;_

* * *

"I thought the Jedi Council took away my powers."

* * *

_But what's even more troubling, is that I don't think it's just Pokémon who are affected."_

_Maylene's eyes narrowed, as a suspicion started forming in her mind. "What are you saying?"_

_Jack sighed; here was the hard part. "The volleyball game was, at least in part, a test; I wanted to see if I was right, as much as I hoped I wasn't. I first became… concerned, when we had our little sparring match the other day, Maylene; I'm not going to sugar-coat it, what you did was impossible."_

_Maylene started to object, but Jack held up his hand. "I know, I know; you 'trained your butt off'. But no amount of training could've let you move that fast, or hit that hard; your abilities have, quite simply, passed beyond normal human limitations. Just like mine have."_

_Maylene scowled in frustration. "So, you're trying to tell me that I'm a…" she stopped suddenly, realising what she'd almost said._

_"A freak like me?" Jack finished for her, his expression unreadable._

_"I… I wasn't going to say that," Maylene said, hating herself for even starting that sentence._

_"No, it's fine," Jack said. "It's a lot to take in, I'm sure anyone would have a hard time accepting it."_

_"So…" Nicholas said, his expression grim. "Am I like that too?"_

_Jack nodded solemnly. "I'm afraid so, although you're not quite as far along as Maylene."_

_Nicholas nodded with an air of resignation. "Alright, I understand. But I just have one question; and I'd like you to give me a straight answer."_

_"Ask away," Jack replied._

* * *

"What..." Arceus began slowly. "Is the airspeed velocity of an unladden swallow?"

* * *

_The red-headed trainer looked him in the eye. "How long do I have to wait before I can catch lightning bolts too?"_

_Jack and Maylene stared at him blankly._

* * *

"I'm sorry," Mew began in Jack's voice. "You have to join the Dark Side for that."

"I'm not a Sith!" Jack objected.

"You lied and cheated at the most important tournament in Sinnoh without a second thought," Arceus deadpanned.

* * *

_Jack and Maylene stared at him blankly._

_"Oh come on, guys," Nicholas exclaimed, an excited grin spreading across his face. "You're making it sound like we've all been diagnosed with a terminal disease or something, but what's really happened? We're living every kid's childhood dream; we have bona fide, honest-to-goodness superpowers! Personally, I think this is pretty awesome."_

_Jack couldn't help but smile a little at Nicholas's almost boyish enthusiasm, and he let out a small chuckle._

_"Leave it to you to look on the bright side, Nick," Jack said._

_Maylene's look of shock switched from Nicholas to Jack, and back again. "Are you kidding me? Superpowers might be every kid's dream, but it's also just a lot of pseudoscience; in real life, things don't work like they do in comic books. There are no aliens, or sentient robots, and people exposed to dangerous levels of radiation don't survive; much less turn into giant green rage-monsters. It's all just made up for fun."_

_Nicholas shrugged. "It's worked out pretty well for Jack so far, and his Pokémon. Speaking of which..."_

_"You said something about sentient robots?" Thomas said, hovering beside Maylene's head._

_Maylene nearly jumped out of her skin, which elicited hastily-smothered snorts of laughter from both Jack and Nicholas. Maylene glared at them, but realised that they had a point; Jack had grown up with these powers, and Jason had grown up being steeped in them. And aside from a few Legendary Birds, and fangirls, there didn't seem to be any unpleasant side-effects so far._

_"Alright, fine," the Gym leader said, crossing her arms. "I guess there's no point in being all 'doom and gloom' about it, since there's nothing we can do about it anyway. And… well," she she shrugged, and one corner of her mouth curled upwards in a rueful grin, "I guess it is kind of cool."_

_"Ha," Nicholas exclaimed triumphantly, clapping his hands together. "Finally; for a second there I thought you'd never look on the bright side. I was thinking to myself, 'am I really the only one who sees how awesome this is?'"_

_"You were," Jack said. "And thanks, by the way; I for one really needed a good laugh right about then."_

_"But you never did answer my question," the trainer said. "When do I get to catch bolts of lightning and eat them?"_

* * *

"And so began Young Justice's third season," Arceus said wryly.

* * *

_"So," Maylene asked once they'd finished their food. "What now?"_

_Jack shrugged, still busy reading the bill. "I don't know; it's still light out so I guess we could hang out at the beach a while longer, or we could head back to the hotel… That's a lot of numbers."_

_Nicholas shrugged. "Well, I don't have any ideas; although I guess I wouldn't mind spending some more time at the beach."_

_"Me neither," Maylene agreed._

_"Okay then," Jack said, getting up from his chair. "I'll go and pay the bill, and then we'll head back to the beach for a while. Be right back."_

_Jack headed into the restaurant, summoning a wad of bills from his bag back at the hotel. As he walked into the building, he noticed a large television screen hanging on the wall opposite him; the screen was currently displaying footage from the Lily of the Valley Conference. More specifically, it was showing the results of the third round matches; aside from his own, the only faces Jack recognised were Ash, Paul, and Tobias._

_Jack went up to the front desk and payed his bill, making sure to get change back. As he turned to leave he took one last look at the screen; which was now showing the match-ups for the fourth round. He was a little disappointed to see that he hadn't been matched up against anyone he knew, but that feeling went away when he saw who Ash was fighting; for the fourth round, in which only the top eight trainers competed, Ash would be fighting Paul in a full six-on-six battle._

* * *

"Well, this seems like a good place to stop," the Alpha muttered, turning away from the computer just in time for the door to the room to swing open and Hideyoshi poke his head in.

"Sorry to bother ya, but recess's over."

* * *

"In conclusion your honor!" Mew shouted, pointing at Arceus. "The defendant is clearly guilty, and I demand you throw the book at him!"

"Mew, can we stop it with the-" the Alpha blinked when he heard the opening cord of a familiar song.

"Oh, not again."

That was all the Normal Type managed to get out before a thick-looking leather bound book was promptly thrown at his face, only to stop mid-air as everything faded to gold.

_To Be Continued..._

_Is this curtains for Arceus? Tune in next time to find out! Same Arcy-time, same Arcy-channel._

* * *

"Really, Mew, we're ripping off _that_, now?"

"Hey, just be happy I turned the thing to standstill before the book collided."

...

"You and I are having a long conversation when this is over."


End file.
